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Optimism has magic in it. Looking for beauty and truth and what is right has magic in it. No matter where you are, you can find something about that place that is beautiful, true or good, even if it is simply the lessons you are able to learn there. Look for what is RIGHT about where you are. No matter what situation you are in, there is something good to find inside of it. Look for what is RIGHT about a situation. No matter who you are with, you will be able to look in their eyes and see their value, finding something wonderful and good in that person. Look for what is RIGHT about others.

What if your husband is an alcoholic and lies to you about it every chance he gets? He makes you feel like you are stupid for thinking he’s been drinking again? He is mean and belittling to everyone in the house? Puts everyone’s lives in danger by lying and drink driving? He doesn’t respect or value your opinion even when sober and treats you like one of the children? Or, what if you have considered suicide as a way to get away from him? Are those signs your marriage is over?

Started out an amazing sex life. About 4 years ago we started having problems in general and fighting a lot. Well he lost his job and our relationship got better. A lot better. We started having fun together all the time. My husband and I have an amazing “working” relationship. We never really fight anymore. The problem comes in here. 3 years ago I started to notice our sex life slipping so I asked him what he thought we should work on. He said it was too much work to have sex. So I took all the work out for him. Time went on and he still never had intrest in having sex and always turning me down 6 months went by and I freaked out on him and he said let’s start grunge to have a baby. We had sex 5 times over 2 months and got pregnant. I begged him and asked why why why he never wants me during the pregnancy. He could never answer me. We have talked about this soooo many times. Now my son is 7 months old. About 3 months ago was our last conversation about our sex life and he said you are just so cold and you never will let me near you!

Where shud i start, so unhappy.. been married nearly 3.years.. he doesnt care ALWAYS teln me he wants to leave etc.. we have a lil two years old boy… My lil boy is my happiness… My husband doesnt understand or care, he says its alrite to chat to girls on facebook to leave comment as long as he dont see them, but he did last year n was lying until this addmitted he really was seeing dat bitch.. he i although he left me n my baby for 3weeks alones saying he dont care about any other girl, but he dont me first either…. Our sex life can be boring, he doesnt kiss me on my lips, he flirt with me or asks me to wear sexy clothes for him.. we have lotsof arguements, its him n his stupid project he is an animator, he always put his family first then his work last me n our baby.. its like im NOT HIS FAMILY just agirl he calls wife… He doesnt know the meaning of wife n child.. sometimes i just want to phone my ex n go with him far, coz he made happy alot, we seperated coz of family crisis… My husband loves european girls, even though im not bad looking girl much better looking then him lol i just want a man to love me for me, not tel me he is embarrassed by me coz i havnt been to uni as if im illitrate, which im NOT.. he comes late, if iask how come ur late,he tells me im taking his freedom away from him,he tells me, he dont owe me anything.. i dont trust him at all.. his family also brainwash his mind about me, they think they r sooo good coz been to uni n have careers, life is not all about education n treat others like nothing n be ignorant.. sometimes when we have fights he phones his mum, that really ANNOYS ME coz a man nearly aged 40 phoning his,mum!!wat a joke!! Im 28.. destiny is cruel to have met him.. he is sooo cold n heartless.. although he doe buy me clothea,n put me in gym n bought me a car, wen we have arguements brings al to my face.. basically he says,being married dont mean he has to listen to his wife, he can come home weneva he wants, n as da wife shudnt have da right to ask him any questions,chats to any girl on facebook even if flirting etc.. So many other things. I cant stand his family, his family dont like me either,i have done NOTHING to them rather its them that phoned me cussed me… Coz if him moaning to them.. sometimes i want him to leave then i think to myself, how will i cope financially with a baby… He wont help me with baby, even now most times i feel like single mum… He is totally opposite in what i want in a man..
Hi, we are just the same but for me we don’t have a baby and I think he doesn’t want to have a baby with me😭😭, we’re married for almost 2 months and my husband told me that he never feel the satisfaction during our sex, i was so sad when he told me that it broke my heart so bad, then I ask him if what can I do to make him satisfy he just told me to pray for him, I’m so depressed and sad when he told me that😭😭
The only good life experience that I received from marriage was seeing my 3 kids born and growing. Add a dog to the mix. Lose a job. Get slapped with depression and a wife lacking the necessary support to her man and now you have a man that is no longer interested in being with her anymore. I do deep down inside care for my wife, but I have reached the end with respect to the criticism and the nagging regarding how we try to raise our kids. Also, there is a lot of the word “I” that comes from my wife’s pie hole during conversations with a marriage counselor and all I can think of is that I am married to myself.

Married for 45 years, husband cheated with same woman for 16 years. Been to counselling, numerous chats, still together, but a lot of joy has gone out of my life. He is still working long hours, and now working away overnight 2 nights/3 days a week and I am home, with arthritis, dwelling sometimes on the deceit and lies I have encountered over the years, with him messing with my head making me feel neurotic when I wasn’t. I have lovely holidays, beautiful home, possessions, jewellery etc and I still have this terrible emptiness inside me. We are together because deep down we still love one another and have 50 years together. Sometimes I feel trapped because I couldn’t leave him and be happy at the expense of his unhappiness. He says he is happy but I don’t know if he can be. Any advice.
hi my name is Penelope i been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he said i dont know if i want to be with you anymore it made me upset but i have to repeated it i have to move on it going to be hard on the both of us but it for the best i know that i loved him so much and we cared for each other and we did everything together we going to have our memorise together we had so much fun been together and i will always love him and care for each other but we Can still be friends and love each other as friends and care for each other i will always love you Daniel forever and always
Bf of 3 years broke up with me months ago. We are from different countries andoved abroad for a year now moved back to my country. We were supposed to have a fresh start but he broke things off before we moved. We met up a few times and made out a few times after break up. But now he said he will only come back to my life once I move on. It is so difficult to hear things like it and I am still devastated. I am sure I can make things right only if he gives us one more chance but I also know he is far away gone.

"A common cause of unhappiness in a relationship is making assumptions about what one's partner is saying. For instance, one partner may say something as innocuous as 'I'm feeling lazy today.' The other partner will then give a number of suggestions so that she doesn't feel lazy. 'You can go to the gym. Or, you mentioned you wanted to go get some fabric for a new quilt. You could do that.' Meanwhile, the first partner feels misunderstood. The only way to clear up assumptions is to discuss them." —Janet Zinn, licensed social worker and psychotherapist
Whether it snuck up on you over the course of a few years, or it dawned on you suddenly one night, I have to say — it's great that you noticed. Not everyone picks up on problems in their relationship, or takes the time to assess the situation. Even your partner might not realize they're projecting negative vibes, or that they're unhappy. So consider it a step in the right direction that you've realized something's wrong.
On a related note, what are your goals as a couple? Do you have a compatible vision for your future? If you want a four million dollar home with an ocean view and your husband wants a wee cottage in the forest, then you both may feel less committed to your marriage. Why? Because you want different things in life. If your husband wants six children and you’d rather be childfree, then you may have to work harder on overcoming the signs your marriage is over. To keep your marriage strong, you need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and put each other first.

In every relationship mistakes happen where one partner is caught being unfaithful, then the relationship is now tested and may even end up ending, the crazy love spell makes sure that the relationship is back on track and the two lovers go back to being happy and in love, its not everyday where you are forgiven for being unfaithful to your partner that’s why if you find yourself in that situation you contact the good Dr. Eziza to help you solve this emotional problem on +2348058176289

My situation is not exactly same as yours. But my boyfriend tends to be moody or changes mood within the day. In one instance, we’re chatting in Facebook, i was telling we got free food at work at that day and he’ll just send me a thumbs up emoticon. Normally when I tell him something about FOOD it he would say ” delicious”. We’ve had our relationship for 3 months now. That is not the only the instance of his mood swings. He would suddenly be cold to me. I would ask him ” is there a problem?” he would answer NO. Sometimes it made me think whats wrong? Did i say something stupid? Suddenly out of nowhere he would tell me I Love You. He admits that he is moody. He has bad temper at times but not to the point of hurting me. He would normally raise his voice when he doesn’t want things go the right way. I mean I can feel he really loves me but sometimes it pisses me off when he is like that. What I’m doing is just letting his bad mood passed. I’m just ignoring it. I just let his mood normalize.
my questions? how can i continue to waffle? how do you know when it’s truly over? when you feel like you’ve failed, when you’re not sure if there’s anything left to save? and when your son (my son lives with me – is planning to move out, but has made it very clear that he hates the man I married – not because of my husband’s treatment of him, but because of the way my son has seen and heard my husband treat me) despises your husband? how do you forgive and move past?

While it's impossible to sustain the 24/7 texting spree that was the early part of your relationship, you might want to say something if your partner currenly refuses to text back. "It’s easier to recognize distance with your partner through texting," Bizzoco says. "They may take longer to respond to your messages or suddenly become busy and don’t have time to talk." It's just another sign you're not their priority.
I think your question, Katie, is good snapshot of most questions I get on this blog: some form of “I’m dissatisfied with my boyfriend. Should I stay or should I go?” The thing is that he may have the biggest heart in the world, but if he’s perpetually unemployed, a serial cheater, a drug addict, a commitmentphobe, or a terrible communicator, it really doesn’t matter how much you love him. I would say the same thing about a guy who is depressed. It’s not that he’s not worthy of love, but at a certain point, you have to ask if this is the life you want to lead: waiting for days for him to emerge from his self-imposed cocoon while you try to act like everything’s normal. I think there are enough quality people out there who are NOT this way that you don’t have to accept that from a relationship. I’ve written this before and gotten a little bit of blowback on it.

I am having a very serious issue. I met my husband online and after developing a good relationship, I met him in person. After 2 years of courtship we recently got married. He is very patient, understanding, kind- hearted guy. But, I am not at all happy with him. He is everything a girl wants, that’s what my friend says, but I think he is not made for me.
What option seems to make the most sense to you? You’re too young to give up on your life, and a chance at being happy and fulfilled! You need to find energy and enthusiasm to keep going. The world needs people like you to come alive and participate. You can find things that make you happy and fulfilled outside your marriage — and you will brighter other people’s lives at the same time.
My husband and I have been together since we were 17. Things haven’t always been good. We have had a lot of challenges in life. We were teen parents and then got pregnant again with twins and lost one. My husband has been unfaithful since we got together 6 years ago. It isn’t a one time occurance. He has cheated on me 7 times in the last 6 years. We got married in 2011 and he has cheated on me twice since then with the same girl. After the first time he said he realized what he wanted and that he knew nothing was worth losing what he had. But, he cheated on me again with her. We were very sexually active until i found out the first time, then we just started having sex again when i found out about the second time. I am very confused about everything. He says he wants to be here, and that i am all he wants and he will prove himself to me. But, things have changed drastically. When we first decided to work things out he was sweet, always wanted to be close kissing me and wanting to please me and telling me constantly that he will prove himself. Now, he doesn’t tell me that this is where he wants to be or show me that he is happy. We recently celebrated our anniversary and i got him a card and told him how much i appreciate him and that i am glad he is my husband. He on the other had got me nothing and didn’t act like it was anything special. I have asked him to go to counseling but he tells me that he refuses to and if thats what it takes to fix our marriage then he is leaving. I have already told him that if he cheats again it’s over. I don’t know what to think about our marriage.
When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing her heart. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be. Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to do the same. You’ll learn how to cope when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore, and you’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.
To counteract this impulse, remember that suffering is necessary for growth (I'm not pointing this out to rationalize suffering, but rather to suggest our focus should be on using it as a catalyst). If we can resist the impulse to treat suffering like a fire that must be extinguished immediately, we can consider with a clear mind how to best respond to the unhappiness of the ones we love. But if instead we give in to our impulse to take over responsibility for someone else's suffering, we may find ourselves cheating them out of an important growth experience. True happiness comes from strength. If we solve every problem for the ones we love, how will they ever learn to solve problems themselves?
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Married almost 11 years, the entire marriage has been rocky, in and out of counseling. Brady bunch family, married into her and her 16yo daughter with my 4yo daughter, had a daughter together. Was told early on I have no say with her daughter, daughter is grown now and married. Was told frequently I suck as a husband, father etc and was routinely threatened with divorce when I raised any issues over the years. I have often thought of leaving (escaping) but haven’t because I don’t want to hurt kids or then I have thoughts of did I try hard enough, do everything I can. Btw she was diagnosed before she met me with anxiety and depression. I am a neat and organized man raised by my mother and grandmother – only child – raised the old fashioned way – had a step father who was nice at times but more times than not was an ass to my mom. As for my marriage, the threat of divorce has been there for duration, also my wife has diagnosed me over the years with bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, narcissism, passive aggressive and several other ailments, all of which I’ve researched to understand if there was any evidence of that fact. I’ve sought the help of counselors to gain clarity, gone to church, in couples therapy right now using Gottman tools to help and nothing seems to help. When we argue she ends up winning or dominating the conversation, when conversation gets tough and she doesn’t like what she is hearing, she says I’m reaching my limit and then says we need a pause and will pick this up later, then it’s awkward silence and avoiding until we address it again or sometimes we just drop it. We spend much of our non working hours out pursuing personal interests and occasionally join up for kids sports events. She dominates the relationship with our daughter we had together, I’m pretty much cut out of parenting her and only allowed freedom of parenting of my daughter who is now 16. Obviously I’m looking for answers and trying to figure out what to do. I want to be happy and have peace in my life – I’m tired of chasing my tail around in circles. I’m a good honest caring man who loves and puts his family first. Cleans the house, folds laundry, cooks dinner, makes kids events, works 50 hours a week and trying to hang on to this marriage for self, wife, kids. Insight welcome.
The best general advice I have is to learn how to let go of your husband. This doesn’t necessarily mean separation or divorce — though it could! More, it means getting yourself strong and healthy. Letting go means taking good care of yourself, so you can see what the next step is. Letting go is about getting strong so you can do what you need to do.
I got married to my teenage lover 9yrs ago.But I think I got married to him as there was no one else in my life at that time and I was very lonely. We were never intimate physically from the beginning. Never had sex more than few times in an year,never felt romantic with him.As years passed ,he got busy in his job and I was left to work,raise our daughter and house jobs.He does help me with house jobs and he is a good dad.But never had a husband wife relationship
My husband and I have known each other for 20 years, and been married for the past 8. We have two adorable children who we both cherish. Since having the kids though, 5 years ago, our marriage has become unbearable. My husband has been through serious issues which led to depression, and has to his own belief, now dealt with the issues. During the time of his issues, he had two incidents, at least that I know about, with other women, and over the past 8 years with his behaviour, my trust has been stripped away and I am left with no trust in him whatsoever. He now continues to tell me he wants the marriage and he is in love with me, but I find it hard to believe when after 2 years of trying to work things out, we are still no further along than when we hit rock bottom 2 years ago. He continues to be thoughtless, and my anger and emotions hit sky high every time he stuffs up. I know I should be forgiving, but I find it harder and harder these days. I have told him I hate him and that I want him out. I cannot ever see a loving future between us, and I hate the kids seeing me this way. Also our intimacy has completely gone out the window. We have not been intimate in almost 3 years. It’s so depressing. Although I want the marriage ended, I can’t help thinking “Would I be so angry and upset and emotional, if I no longer cared?” Any advice on whether I should give him a go for the thousandth time, or just cut my losses and run?
On a related note, what are your goals as a couple? Do you have a compatible vision for your future? If you want a four million dollar home with an ocean view and your husband wants a wee cottage in the forest, then you both may feel less committed to your marriage. Why? Because you want different things in life. If your husband wants six children and you’d rather be childfree, then you may have to work harder on overcoming the signs your marriage is over. To keep your marriage strong, you need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and put each other first.
If you are in a relationship, it’s really important to learn how to tell if your boyfriend is not happy. Often, unhappiness turns into anger and resentment and in the long term, it can really damage your relationship. Just watch out for all those signs that indicate you that your partner is unhappy, so you’ll be able to save your relationship and even increase the intimacy in it. Because men do not excel at expressing themselves openly, try to look for signs of discontent, so you’ll be able to work on those issues and solve them. Here are a few helpful tips on how to tell if your boyfriend is not happy:
Being the friend or partner of someone who has huge mental or emotional issues takes it’s toll on you.  Only a martyr or a doormat will stay for the abuse though, and I am neither.  It was very sad, I wish him the best, and I hope he does find someone who will put up with his erratic rollercoaster behavior.  I also hope she sees it WAY faster than I did, so she can make her decision before she falls in love with him.  And I hope she is the type who feels good about dedicating her life to someone else, because she will never count. The disorder will always come first.
I read your article, I understand that no one can tell me when I’ve had enough. But Iam 38 , with 5 kids. I have a 20 year old son who is expecting his 1st, with his gf, I have 13 year old triplet daughters, and a 12 year old son. My husband and I have been married 16 years, he has also been “married ” to the military for 17 years. We are an active duty family. Yes I say we, I’ve watched him pack up for 6 different deployments, some almost broke his soul. Anyway… the loves not there. I reach out to touch him, and he dosent return the favor, we used to snuggle in bed, when one person would move or shift, the other followed, now I usually sleep with a body pillow so I can have comfort. I need help or get sick, I have to do it alone, it was one thing when he couldn’t be here, but now he chooses not to be. He says basically that everything that happens, is my fault. I look at this man, and it’s not just the children I gave him, or saving his life a few times, but everything he took, stole, robbed and broke me of. I try to hold on, part of me dosent want to be in that 78% marriage fail rate, or the fact if we fail, did I f*$k up? But Iam tired. Lonely. Dissapointed. Lost. Hurt and angry. Where did I get so weak. How can I hold on for just a few more years till our kids are out of the house. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Hi i have been married now for 10 years I was married at 19 My husband and I have 2 great children but that seems like the only thing we have in common anymore. It seems like all we do is fight. I know I love him but not sure if it is a love of a spouse or more like a love of a brother. He works supports me and the girls he doesn’t cheat but has the most awful attitude anymore I don’t know if I want to leave or try and work it out sometimes I feel like i wish he would not come home for work Please help I am so confused
Over the years I’ve spoken with more than a handful of female friends after their discovery of infidelity by their husbands. Naturally they’re always highly distraught over the situation, no matter the details, but there seems to be a singular theme I notice. Of all the different couples and varying circumstances involved there’s always one thought that prevails in each of these women. 

My situation is not exactly same as yours. But my boyfriend tends to be moody or changes mood within the day. In one instance, we’re chatting in Facebook, i was telling we got free food at work at that day and he’ll just send me a thumbs up emoticon. Normally when I tell him something about FOOD it he would say ” delicious”. We’ve had our relationship for 3 months now. That is not the only the instance of his mood swings. He would suddenly be cold to me. I would ask him ” is there a problem?” he would answer NO. Sometimes it made me think whats wrong? Did i say something stupid? Suddenly out of nowhere he would tell me I Love You. He admits that he is moody. He has bad temper at times but not to the point of hurting me. He would normally raise his voice when he doesn’t want things go the right way. I mean I can feel he really loves me but sometimes it pisses me off when he is like that. What I’m doing is just letting his bad mood passed. I’m just ignoring it. I just let his mood normalize.


This wasn’t the man for you. He was an experience, a chapter of your life. How do I know he’s not the man for you? Because he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Because you’re searching for tips on what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He told you he’s not the man for you, maybe with words or maybe with actions. Maybe he told other people he’s finished with you. You need to listen to him, believe him, and let him go.
Everyone deserves to be happy.  You determine what happiness means to you.  My definition of happiness is to be with someone who accepts me just as I am (as I do the same) and who shares my excitement and passion for life.   Define what happiness means to you and then go after it.  Create your own happiness with someone who shares your life goals, not spoils them 🙂
If you want to stop your husband from having an affair and save your family finance, you must learn how to break your husband's wrong associations in a wise and smart manner. One main thing that can make your husband to have an affair and cheat on you is the kind of friends he keeps. Spend time to study his friends. Find out their values, and if they do not measure up, go down in prayers to God to sever the relationships. Do not feel you can separate them from your husband by nagging, complaining, fighting or condemning your husband or his friends. You can successfully achieve this through wisdom, the right techniques, patience and prayers. Remember, your husband is an adult, you cannot choose his friends for him. I will show you a powerful eBook that will help you to win your husband to yourself.
If there is something that your husband did in the past that really upset you, yet you have said you have forgiven him for, just let it go. Whether it's the anniversary he forgot, or heaven forbid the woman he slept with while you two were dating. If you have said you have forgiven him, stop bringing it up. It may be an easy way to push his buttons in an unrelated argument, but know it is detrimental to any relationship to hold on to things that are meant to stay in the past.

hey a guy should not like u because of what u look like all the time he should like u for how u are and what kind of hart u have i should no my boyfriend i have now is my hero he loves me treats me good my others were not they only wonted what i had so just think about what i said and just be your self and have fun because u never no what might happen

I have a confession. Sometimes, when my partner is distracted, I just look at him and wonder, what the hell is happening in that head of his? It's not that he doesn't communicate. He does. But I still wonder sometimes if he's really happy in our relationship. I know I can't be alone in this. Wouldn't we all love to be able to know for sure what's in the hearts and minds of our partners at any given moment? I do my best to look for the signs he's not happy in the relationship, but I can't help but wish someone very smart would hurry up and develop that mind reading tech already.
Yep, you heard me right, call him out when he is wrong. Don't let him walk all over you. Be the strong, independent woman he fell in love with. Don't bend over to anything he says just to make it easier for his ego. Men like it when you call them out in a respectful manner. Explain to him what he has done wrong and try to not make it personal and tear him down.
And in case of using drugs, make him engaged in other things like family get together, outing with kids etc. Don't always think of his bad habit. When he is not using any drugs act like everything is going ok. And force him to go out with you and your kids. Make use of kids. If they force, and you support he will definitely spend time with you and slowly slowly he could get out of drugs. Relax and pray to God he will stay with you.

Despite the straying of your spouse you are still beautiful, and just because he doesn’t want you, this doesn’t make you undesirable. You’re still a beautiful child of the King. You’re an injured bird, but this doesn’t mean you can no longer fly. You can heal, and you can move forward in your marriage. You can move forward in forgiveness, and you can have a wonderful relationship. 

I’ve tried three approaches. 1) Loving, supportive husband offering ‘it’s okay, try again’ attitude for quite a while. Result: She is happy, I’m not b/c things don’t get done. 2) Ignore how bad it is. Result: She is fine, I’m not. Things don’t get done. 3) I communicate how she is not measuring up to her responsibilities. Result: She either gets extremely defensive, mad, or says ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Eventually we do and SOMETIMES she accepts and things get better. And when I say better, I mean I set SMALL goals for her in hopes she’ll master them to help her to new ones. She’ll do those small goals for a week or two, month max. Example is when you sweep you have to put the stuff you sweep into the trash and not just leave it in a pile for months. But inevitably, she returns to her base behavior. She suggested therapy to help her move away from her abused past so we agreed to pay out for a year of it. Now she’s not in it and has basically dismissed the goals/rules the counselor told her to keep. When we talk about any issues in our marriage she gets extremely mad and defensive. I’m not a perfect man and am open to criticism and self-improvement, but I provide for my family the best I can, keep them safe, and am trying to help. Frankly, I don’t feel like she’s pulling her own weight. If she knows she’s in trouble or did nothing that day, she’ll try to hide that fact by various means. Lies, kisses, sex, playing ignorance, etc… Sometimes I feel like our ‘marriage’ was a means to an end b/c I am nice and she knew I could provide for her so she made up a personality to escape the hell hole she came from (and it was a hell hole) but now reverted to a past self. What do I do? I thought a husband and wife were supposed to ‘work’ together and put the needs of the other above themselves. Any guidance would be appreciated.
"People do not experience love in the same way, and if you're not speaking your partner's 'love language', that can result in great unhappiness. Dr. Gary Chapman detailed the five different love languages to help couples learn and speak the language of their spouse — those languages are quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gift giving. Learning to speak a partners' love language has saved many marriages." —Kim Olver, relationship coach and author of Secrets of Happy Couples

During that time I suspected many times that he was also seeing other women. I found snippits of evidence and I almost left him a few times but he always had an explanation for what I’d found and swore he was telling the truth. He would even get angry that I would accuse him. I told myself that even if there was no proof, next time there was even a whisper of something dodgy I would leave. Everything seemed ok for a couple of years so we got married. I thought I would be more secure with him once we got married, and then we had a baby and I started to feel even more like things were going right … until that familiar feeling that something was wrong returned … followed by a new secret password on his computer and a constantly locked shed. I KNEW something was wrong but I couldn’t find any evidence. When I demanded him to unlock the shed or remove the password he got furious and said that I was in the wrong to snoop. I remembered my vow to myself but now I had a son to think about.
Of course if something is bothering you, make sure you tell him about it as well. These conversations should be calm and collected. You want to make sure that you both realize that you’re in a safe atmosphere where you can easily share and work on improving things together. Don’t panic if you’re having marriage trouble. Communication is key, and together you can reinforce the love and joy between you.
Thank you ladies with sharing. I really felt supported reading your words and experiences. A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. He was very grouchy and negative most of the time. Sometimes it was directed at me, sometimes not. Initially I attributed it to his life circumstance….losing his job, reorganizing his life. I now think that is how he relates to his environment and I don’t think he will ever change. He is a Marine and maybe his exposure to that culture and the lifestyle contributed to his incompatible behavior and attitude. I recognized that continuing down that road with him would have been unhealthy for me. It already was. I tried in so many ways to support his struggle and just lost the interest in continuing. Despite my deep care for him, our dynamic became unbearable. The issues became undeniable when he was broke with nowhere to go and he started staying at my house, despite me expressing kindly that I didn’t want that because living together means more when it is intentional about a vision of relationship and less about being convenient. I couldn’t turn my back and by moving him in, we were forced into facing relationship issues sooner than we were ready. We totally broke what we had and it ended in a way I truly regret. BIG emotion and I kicked him out, which was damaging to him and damaging to me. I do not regret ending it, but I do regret ending it in such an abrupt and destructive way. I think my big message here is despite the pain that a partner’s moods cause, end it in a way that is respectful to both. We both deserve to be available for something more compatible ahead and a destructive ending makes the reinvention difficult.
It's difficult to say what is going on with your husband based on what you have posted here. Your husband's response could mean a lot of things and it is very important that you get to the bottom of this. I'm not trying to sound condescending, honestly...it's just that I have been in almost the exact same situation as you...a little over a year ago. My original post would have sounded very similar to yours here.
When people have exciting news to share or even just need someone to talk to, they typically speed dial the person closest to them. If that used to be your spouse but is now someone else — whether that's a girlfriend or another man — it's a clear sign you're not in the happy marriage you used to be. "Research shows that in healthy marriages, couples celebrate each other's successes. If you're turning to [someone else] first in good times and bad, then you're replacing your husband emotionally and avoiding addressing what isn't working with him," says Dr. Paulette Sherman, psychologist, director of My Dating and Relationship School and author of Dating from the Inside Out. Try putting your husband into your #1 spot again. If you're not getting the support you need — or you don't even want it in the first place — it might be time to sit down and have a serious discussion about your relationship.
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