7. Don’t talk behind his back: All couples are bound to encounter some difficult times, but airing your dirty laundry is usually a bad idea (unless your partner is abusive or doing something illegal or dangerous, in which case you should definitely seek the help of a third party). If you have run-of-the-mill relationship drama, ranting to your friends and family will often make things worse. Remember, just because you can forgive your man, it doesn’t mean they can. If you plan on working past it, keep it to yourself.
Encourage him to share his feelings with you if he tells you there isn't a problem with the relationship. Tell him what you've noticed in his behavior and ask what might be going on in his life you can help him with. If he has any issues and decides to be open about them, this will help ease your mind that the issues aren't with your relationship. All that will be left after that is to give him the space he needs to work through his issues and help him when he needs you.
Be the woman he knows sitting at home on the couch. This doesn't mean you need to belch in public or walk around in your sweatpants all the time. This just means you don't have to put up a front for the ladies in your child's class or act snotty in front of his friends. You are who he fell in love with, so you should never feel like you have to be someone else. Be respectful and courteous when you are both in public, but don't try to hide who you are. Having that strong sense of self and high levels of self-confidence are what made him attracted to you in the first place.

If not, the quickest way to change your life is to forgive that parent, because you are half your mom and half your dad, the parent you are angry at is the part of you that you loath as well. I know this sounds so matter of fact, but it is a huge weight off if you can do it. Lastly, your marriage, you love him. I am not here to necessarily promote our book, but we did write a book The Marriage Manual available at http://www.themarriagemanual.com and the part for you is all about how to talk to your husband so he will WANT to talk to you.
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday. He said, he is unhappy and that we know we love each other but we are not inlove anymore. We moved abroad to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me too for 3 months at that time the relationship was in a long distance. But he chase me back and here we are now. Only 7months abroad something a new life, living in together. I asked him is there someone else so many times, at first he said none, 3 weeks after I found out he was already cheating while we were still together and before he broken things up with me with A YOUNGER GIRL at work. The day i confronted them, dont get me wrong, i still get them the respect even they did me wrong, he said he was going to tell me that night but I just knew or had proof already. I was so crashed but i know i still love him, i couldnt even hate him, he was doing her and doing me too. He said he has his reasons why he did that. But for me, you cheated. It shouldve hurt less if you didnt, upto this day he says that he has reasons why he had done such. He already moved out of our apt and chose her infront of me. I can’t explain the feeling i have. I didnt believe it until I saw it, i always tell myself he can’t do that to me but I was wrong. The person that i love so much did it and it hurts like hell.
Had been married for about 10 years. Have three beautiful kids all under the age of 10. Future ex wife filed for divorce and did not talk. The manipulation game worked for her for it drew the worst out of a good man that pleaded to keep his family together. We were on the brink of re-building our marriage through counseling, but future ex wife wrecked a family. We never committed adultery, fought through anger, called each other names, nothing. No alcohol or drug abuse. My eldest daughter has been devastated. So hard to see your kids cry and plead for their mommy and daddy to stay together. I never wanted such an outcome of a 10 year marriage. Things moved so fast over the first 7 years with several children born, loss of job linked to the shitty economy took a toll on my and my future ex wife. I developed depression over the last year of marriage of which made family tough. I received appropriate care for my depression and I looked up to my wife at the time for much needed support. With wife starting a business, me staying at home with the kids while trying to gain access to job opportunities, I was spent. I did some recharging by protecting myself from the negativity that spewed from my wife over the last several months of marriage. I needed to regain my individuality that I lost trying to serve a woman that was controlling and very self serving. Overall, we both made some minor mistakes in our marriage that went noticed – meaning all of the negative baggage was carried to the point of filing for divorce instead of FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE THINGS THAT YOUR PARTNER BRINGS TO THE MARRIAGE! We failed to communicate effectively and truly trusting each other. I made a game out of the situation that was worsened by my attitude to make the situation worse. Depression is a bastard for I just wasn’t myself during the depression days. Now I have a bit of a clearer mindset as the depression fades with time and much self reflection. I do still find myself very alone…pondering the what ifs at times…but for the most part, I often wonder what could have been. Our divorce process has been pretty boring. My future ex wife doesn’t speak to me and hasn’t since the divorce filing. I often wonder about reconciliation, but due to the current communication state, I feel that reconciliation is no longer an opportunity. Now that I see my kids 4 days per month, I have lost connection with them. I no longer think about them as much as I did when I was at home. I pick em up and two of them want to stay with mom…I take em home and they run after the car crying for their dad. Oh well, kids will be affected, but that is the way of the future ex wife.
My husband has been struggling for a while now. Probably a couple of years that I know of. I told him that if he needed to take some time away from his regular life to try and figure things out for himself, I would support him in that. Well....he thanked me and found a place to stay next month. Alone. He will still go to work, but be away from all other aspects of his routine home life.
I love this.  It’s hitting home for me now and like to hear how important it is to communicate concerns as a way to be there for your significant other.  My boyfriend didn’t leave me, but was unhappy with my unhappiness.  Had I known his feelings earlier,  I would have changed.  All the while I was unhappy,  I didn’t realize it.  Now my boyfriend seems to be in the position I was a few months ago.  While I entertain the thought of leaving him, I’m now reminded by your response that I need to voice my concerns first!
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4years and he says im contolling and he is unhappy now and he doesnt want to fix anything he just wants to end it. I love him alot but he isnt even trying to work it out or giving me a chance. He says he has waited for me to change and he sees that im the same person and he is done waiting. We use to talk about getting married and now he tells me he doesnt see us getting married. I dont want to loose him and i want to fight for him and he sees he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late for that.
I love this.  It’s hitting home for me now and like to hear how important it is to communicate concerns as a way to be there for your significant other.  My boyfriend didn’t leave me, but was unhappy with my unhappiness.  Had I known his feelings earlier,  I would have changed.  All the while I was unhappy,  I didn’t realize it.  Now my boyfriend seems to be in the position I was a few months ago.  While I entertain the thought of leaving him, I’m now reminded by your response that I need to voice my concerns first!
These two posts of yours were so helpful. I do think that this is very much how he feels even though he hasn't used the same words. I asked him if he was going to take a break, to please seek counseling and work on figuring out what he wanted and at least get a rough plan in place for going forward. Sure, it'll be nice to get away, but if he doesn't know how he got to this point, he'll end up here again before long.
Sure, it would be nice every once in a while, but realize that men are wired differently than us. What we are thinking in our head that he should do is almost always not what he is going to do. Realize that all those romantic movies are most likely written by women. Don't let your expectations exceed your reality because you've been watching too many romantic comedies and reading too many books.
Thank you for your reply. I have brought up the possibility with my grandfather about how my mother is capable of controlling her behavior around us but he chooses to believe that she does not have control over her actions. My grandmother also does not want to talk about the topic since this is the way she has chosen to view her daughter's behavior (having no control) and has for a long time. I have brought it up before and at the risk of having a fight I have not chosen to bring it up with her again. I remember trying to talk about the subject in high school and it was something not to be talked about, so I left the subject when I left for college for the past five years. Now I am back home while looking for work and I am faced with the same situation.

When you sit down with your husband to tell him you are unhappy, prepare for a potentially long conversation – you need to share your feelings and you need to hear your husband's perspective. Try to choose a time when you are unlikely to be interrupted by work, family or other obligations. While it's hard to predict how the conversation will go, it's a talk experts say should happen sooner than later.
I am going through a similar situation. I met my boyfriend 5 years ago right before my last year in college. We began texting and talking on the phone every single day non-stop! The chemistry was crazy! I had never experienced such a connection with anyone like that before. Long story short, we started an official relationship and were inseparable. After I graduated from college, we shortly moved in together with a goal of marriage in the near future. Once our daughter came, things got worse. There were arguments after arguments. Then I began to notice we were stuck in a cycle. A cycle of arguing for days at a time, then we would have a week or two of good terms. At the beginning of this year we were having a conversation about our futures. He told me marriage was in the near future. Now all of a sudden he tells me I’m not on his level, I’m not the one for him, and he doesn’t know if he wants to continue with me. I feel so numb. I’m hurt and don’t know what to do. Not only for myself but for our daughter. I often wonder what she would think if we did end our relationship. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
Things we have never experienced before tend to frighten us. The truth is, infidelity in a marriage is not something most couples want to experience. With that in mind, you may want to know how to stop your husband from having an affair and save your marriage. This is one subject a lot of people with all the education, exposure, status and money do not know how to deal with.
Since last year i struggle to feel secure as he cheated on me and i couldn’t feel reassured… we fought lots in front of the kids. He is Bipolar 2 and 2 months ago he tried to commit suicide and i was by his side through everything… We still had issues afterwards because i felt this could have made a difference and made us grow closer but nothing. 2 weeks ago we had a big fight because he didn’t want to answer a question about money and again i’ve asked him a straight forward question where the money came from and he didn’t answer me, he just said from his account. I felt hurt because he used to blame me because of our finance.. i spend too much etc and that’s why at times he keeps money aside for me not to know..
Sometimes we love those people who don’t love us back and as devastating as that is, all we can do is move on. I was in love with a guy for almost 6 years and I went through a lot of ups and downs. Out of the blue he basically told me he didn’t love me anymore and this is where our chapter ends. After 6 years, that’s all I got. I grappled with the thought for weeks and then I just accepted that this person no longer loved me. Regardless of how much love I poured into it, they didn’t even love me back or care. I was devastated, this happened months ago and I’m still devastated ya know but time heals everything. I know I gave it my all and that person decided that it wasn’t good enough for them. What do you do? You gotta pick up the pieces of your broken heart, take care of yourself, and move on. It’s not the end of the world, it just feels like it right now because your heart is broken. From one broken-hearted girl to the other, we are strong beautiful women and we will get through it. It was a setback but it’s not over for us. GOD bless you and I pray for peace, joy, and true love for you and anyone else suffering from an earth shattering heartbreak.
Hello! My husband and I will be married 18 years in May. I can honestly say that I don’t know if our marriage has ever been ideal, or a good marriage. My husband will admit that he is a very selfish person, as I know many men/women will say this, he will also tell you he has addictive behaviors, no drugs or alcohol,but gambling, and video games are his addictions. Our marriage,to me and some who are around us, will say is based solely on what my husbands wants/needs are. I have never been the first priority in his life, in my opinion. Example: When I was pregnant with our eldest child, I was working 12 hour days. He was home for a couple of weeks because his back was injured,but was medicated and fully capable. I came home from work with feet swollen and exhausted, and I just wanted to soak my feet. I walk in the door, and he comes out of his “man Cave” and asks me what is for dinner. I got a can of soup out slammed it on the counter and said there you go, and went for a walk. No he didn’t come after me. I was so angry that when I went back in the house I went to bed. He holed himself in his video games then and is still to this day. There are so many other times/examples of basically the same thing. We aren’t, and really have never had a truly intimate relationship…to me it seems like a chore to him. He freely admits this. At one time, about 10 yrs. ago he told me he didn’t find me attractive anymore because I was to fat. (I have now lost 50 lbs. and weigh just slightly more than I did in high school which was 154, that truly has no bearing on the situation in my opinion) It is not for lack of trying on my part, I have gone so far as texting things to him. I have been pushed away, he says the kids are home I don’t want them hearing, and many other reasons. I have thought, is he cheating, and even most recently is he not interested at all. He is now overweight, takes high blood pressure meds, and says he has no self confidence. He is not an active participant/husband but rather to me, it seems like I have another child. I have to ask him to help around the house, while he plays his video games usually 5-6 hours a night(this is an every day,every year occurrence) He is depressed, gambled a lot of money away that we don’t have, lost his father, and in my opinion, he feels he lost his mother as well. His mother has been a mother who loves him, but didn’t raise him to be a man/husband. She did everything for him, I just took over when we married. At counseling I brought up that he smokes in the house when I leave when I have asked him not to. The counselor asked him why he does this, is it like “mom” says don’t do it, so you do it anyway? he said yes. He told her the children don’t listen to me, and she said you don’t listen to her so why should they. You don’t think they children listen to her, but actions speak louder than words. Our children our great children, have very busy lives, and our great students…but they will tell you that there mother is not happy and they don’t like it. When he gambled I am the one who found ways to pay the debt, not him. He owns the fact that he gambled but has done nothing to render the situation. I feel instead of playing games for 5-6 hours, he should get another job to pay for it. When I say I have a husband who is more like a 44 year old child I truly mean it. I do everything from paying the bills to deciding what to have for dinner. He tells me he loves me, and I don’t doubt it. I think his love for me is in a motherly way and not a wifely way. He says my expectations are to high for him. The counselor said to him, you are just a big kid aren’t you…laughing he said yes…she said I think you need to think about what I just said. Your wife wants a husband and a partner, to be a couple, not a 44 yr. old child. My expectations are this..Be my husband, my partner, my co parent, my friend, something other than what he is and has been for a very long time.
I was inspired to write this article by a reader’s comment. “My husband and I have been together since high school and got married 12 years ago,” said Jessie on How to Know if Your Husband Still Loves You. “We’ve always been comfortable together, but over the past couple years I’ve been getting the feeling he no longer wants to be with me. Our relationship is just one of convenience. All of the signs he doesn’t love me are there, and he says a lot of very very hurtful things to me. He tries to make me feel like a horrible person and he attacks the things I say and do. After he says all these mean things to me he wants me to act as though everything is alright. He says I need to smile and be happy etc. but I’m feeling like I could crawl up in a ball and die. Are these signs your marriage is over? I think so but it would help to get an outside opinion.”
I grew up in a home where the men have sharp wit, make puns, tell entertaining stories and speak fluent sarcasm. Life in general is addressed with a side of humor. I am drawn to people with this sense of humor, from friends and co-workers to strangers and customers. I love the challenge and excitement that witty banter provides me. I find it’s my way of connecting with people.
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If you do or give something to your husband, do it because you love him, not because you believe you have to sacrifice. Highlighting our sacrifices and dedication often only represents our desperate attempts to control someone by shame or guilt. But, you don’t want to wheedle love and understanding, you want to enjoy it in abundance and count on it in your marriage.
9. Support him: Encourage him if he wants to try something new. Support him if he's going through a rough phase in life. Generally, men do not open up as easily as women do, so don’t expect a heartfelt conversation every time he’s going through a rocky patch. Something as simple as telling him he’s doing a good job or making him a nice meal after a long day can make him feel cared for. 
hi my name is Penelope i been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he said i dont know if i want to be with you anymore it made me upset but i have to repeated it i have to move on it going to be hard on the both of us but it for the best i know that i loved him so much and we cared for each other and we did everything together we going to have our memorise together we had so much fun been together and i will always love him and care for each other but we Can still be friends and love each other as friends and care for each other i will always love you Daniel forever and always
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The second step to finding happiness when you’re married to a good guy is to be clear on what makes you happy. A great husband isn’t enough. A solid marriage isn’t enough. A good job, obedient kids, and financial stability isn’t enough to make you happy! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re normal. God created you to connect with Him, to glorify and have a relationship with Jesus. You’re not happy because you’re not doing what you were created to do.
"People mistakenly believe that they shouldn't ask for what they want from their partner, when in actuality it is the best way to communicate and get what you want from your relationship. Your partner shouldn't expect you to meet all their needs—expecting someone to 'complete' you is a romantic idea but not a healthy one. But healthy couples do work together to make sure the most important needs are being met." —Clark
This suggestion sounds so simple but not so easy to obtain. As a husband and father of three, I find my happiness to be fleeting. My wife is exhausted and has little energy nor desire to care for any needs that I may have. I believe society places husbands in a codependent role which ties our happiness to our wives. I too, am loved and appreciated at work, but at home I am the lowest priority. I was taught to be a good husband you need to make sure your wife is happy, “happy wife, happy life.” Where is the… Read more »
Second, you might consider leaving our husband on a trial basis. Move out, give yourself and him a chance to figure out if your marriage is over. The time and distance might do you both good. Sometimes it’s difficutl to see what big life decision we should make when were in the thick of it all…but stepping out of our marriages through a separation can bring clarity and objectivity. And, that clarity can help you know if it’s time to end your relationship.
If your formerly even-tempered partner has suddenly developed a short fuse, it’s time to take a hard look at the relationship. For one thing, venting their anger at you like this is not cool and needs to be addressed right away. But as for what it means within the relationship, life coach Kali Rogers told Bustle, "If you notice a shift in patience, that could be a sign your partner isn't happy with your compatibility,” adding, “Short fuses are common when people are unhappy in relationships, and [are] a way for your partner to get pent-up anger out."
Yep, you heard me right, call him out when he is wrong. Don't let him walk all over you. Be the strong, independent woman he fell in love with. Don't bend over to anything he says just to make it easier for his ego. Men like it when you call them out in a respectful manner. Explain to him what he has done wrong and try to not make it personal and tear him down.
Right, My husband is very stubborn and hates doctors or anything. So everything's a challenge but I always tend to keep the house tidy even when we are both working. And I always cook because he can't cook lol. But he was the one I married, and I intend on keeping him for the rest of my life. So ladies, don't be afraid of anything because that stopped us in the beginning because I felt ugly to him but you have to learn to let things go in marriage.
Thank you for the post. Husband of 17 yrs td me two days ago he was not happy with anything, ever. Told me today he is moving out in two days to “work on himself”. He told our 15 yr old that he had been thinking about it for a long time. I feel worthless and unloved. I feel like this is the end. He was almost giddy while telling me about the place he is moving(way nicer than our place). I’m not perfect but I always fought for our marriage – through his alcoholism, his “emotional” infidelity, his constant changing jobs, his depression and mood swings. I always fought for us. Now I feel like a fool and wonder when “us” stopped for him. I feel blindsided!
The language of love consists of tender words, touches, hugs, and kisses. When we call a partner things like “sweetheart,” “darling,” or “dear,” we create a special intimate atmosphere. The choice of affectionate names occurs unconsciously and shows how one partner relates to the other, who dominates the relationship, and how well they are balanced.
Stop by the grocery store or bakery on your way home and pick up his favorite treat. Book a weekend away together. Give him a massage when he gets home. It's not always the job of a man to do these kinds of things. As a dedicated wife, you must surprise your husband and remind him of the fun woman he fell in love with. Believe me; he will appreciate the gesture and be thrilled that you did something so thoughtful.
Hi, Laurie. My name is Matt and I am looking for support and guidance. I recently confessed to my wife that I had been cheating for nearly a year. This affair took place while I was away from home on business. The affair was not just physically, we became emotionally involved. I am not attempting to justify my actions. They are beyond justification. However, when I left we had been at the apex of nearly three years of very hard times when she had stopped responding to me. Now, we are both seeking help. We are working very hard to get back to one another and in some ways our relationship is at its most healthy. I am, however, struggling. There are days where I miss the other woman and I have repeatedly cut contact with her only to get in touch with her again. My decision about how to conduct myself in this situation has been made but my resolve is not where it needs to be. Is there any insight you would be willing to give that would help me get to a place where I no longer feel the desire or temptation to speak to this woman?
"I think it's very important for people to recognize that there are very few things that cannot be worked on in a relationship, and even repaired and resolved," Walfish says. (Think about how many couples can even work past cheating). But if a partner isn’t willing to work on improving your relationship, that’s a clear sign of trouble. After all, she says, "working on a relationship requires two willing participants. That means both partners have to be open to looking at their own stuff."
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