If you cannot identify any specific parts of your relationship that make you unhappy, you may be dealing with a larger problem. In such cases, it might be a good idea to involve a couple's counselor, suggests Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith in their HelpGuide.org article "Relationship Help." If you are struggling with personal issues or with your mood in general – not just your marriage – let your husband know what you are experiencing. For example, frequent crying, insomnia or not enjoying the things that you used to may point to a broader issue. Once your husband understands how you're feeling, he may be able to help ease some of your daily burdens, as well as help you find a health care provider to help you deal with these issues.
I admit not bringing up the topic again at this point because of my own lack of courage. I am not in an environment where I can sit down with my grandparents and have a discussion about my attitude and their attitude about my mother's behavior and illness. It seems to be treated as a taboo subject. I agree that I have been enabling her behavior more than I should out of my own fear of being reprimanded by my grandparents while I am staying in the household. I try to stand up when I can but I place myself in a position where I pick and choose which of my mother's behavior is acceptable and which isn't based on the belief of my grandparents instead of my own. I am struggling to redefine her illness for myself instead of using the model of my grandparents. It is difficult to be in a situation where standing up and saying we are enabling her behavior is actually seen as the disruptive behavior. I am told that by standing up to her that I am the one creating trouble and causing them problems (because they allow her to run back to them and complain and cause tantrums). So I submit out of my own fear that I am making the lives of the caregivers more difficult. Unfortunately I think they are making it difficult for themselves by allowing her to complain to them and enabling her behavior. I do not know what to do in this situation.
I would think yes!! If you feel suicidal it’s 100% accurate that you should safely get out of the relationship asap. When we lose sight of who we are and feel hurt enough we feel suicidal it’s that very moment we must know a severe change needs to be made! You must choose to take care of your self first before you can start to help your husband with the way he feels about himself that drives him to treat you in this manner to begin with. Get yourself grounded and begin to work on what you feel is broken in you first. Once you start to see YOUR OWN needs and what is truly important to you without anyone else saving what they feel you can begin to build your marriage with a super strong foundation that can stand the storms that will come for any marriage. All marriages take 100% effort from both sides 50/50 is a good way to see it since as long as you both go 1/2 way you will always meet in the middle but you must remember you CAN ONLY do YOUR part. I hope this helped you. Be safe God bless and take care.
The same thing can feel completely different depending on our point of view. At the beginning and in the end we are simply much more aware of the blessings we just got, or lost. So, don’t let gifts you have in your hands slip between your fingers. Practice gratefulness and your whole experience of life will change. Appreciate everything good about your partner and make him know that. Nothing makes us more willing to be good than a person who sees us that way.
6. Trust him: We know rom-coms taught you that men are incompetent horndogs who turn into drooling cavemen around even mildly attractive women, but please remember to respect your partner’s intelligence by not falling for this shit. Do not hound him about his cute co-worker, neighbor, or friend. Insecurity is a major boner-shrinker, and unwarranted lecturing, snooping, and accusing are sure to get you nowhere. If you have any legitimate concerns about cheating, a respectful and honest conversation is usually the best place to start.
For whatever reason, you feel dependent enough on your boyfriend that you can't imagine being without him. Maybe it's because he always fixes your car, pays for your stuff and lends you money, makes you feel less alone or gives you something to do. Whatever the reason, don't stay with someone you are too dependent on - stay with someone if you genuinely want to be with them!
Me and my husband have been together for 8years and we’ve been through alot. He is very jealous and he thinks if I go out, im going to be cheating. I never go out but he goes out every weekend. He always calls me names and talks about the way I look..He doesnt help me financialy with my daughters and he doesnt even take care of his daughters. Its been like this since I had my kids. what should I do.. because i seriously dont have any feelings for him anymore.
I agree with John – how did Kelly last with this guy for over a year? She writes, “My current relationship is not completely lacking laughter but I am often consumed with thoughts of “Can I live my whole life with a man who’ll never have a witty come back?”, and “ I’m not getting any younger and hate the thought of breaking off an otherwise great relationship.”
Slovakia, we have the Saint Nicholas Day on 6th of December. Kids get sweets on that day from "him". Pre-schools and schools have someone always dress up sa him and kids also get at least one sweet then as well. My first pre-school Nicholas Day was also a photo day with him. I was scared. My mom still has a photo of me crying my eyes out standing next to a smiling Santa-like person.
Visitation without me around scares me, especially if he goes down the angry road again, or simply the unhappiness road. The other day, he told me he failed at his workout goal. I said, well, at least you tried! He said he got close to his goal, but failed - he was 6 seconds off of the goal - we had a discussion about failure/trying your best is success...I worry for my daughter that this will be his perspective - He quoted Yoda - there is no try, do or do not...He told me we have different point of views and he didn't want to get into an argument about it. The only reason I held my ground and talked with him about it at all is b/c I worry that my daughter will be seen as a failure at some point. He tried and succeeded in keeping it a pleasant discussion. But the perspective scares me, especially if I am not there to remind my daughter that (if something similar happens to her) she is a success - just for trying her best!
If you do or give something to your husband, do it because you love him, not because you believe you have to sacrifice. Highlighting our sacrifices and dedication often only represents our desperate attempts to control someone by shame or guilt. But, you don’t want to wheedle love and understanding, you want to enjoy it in abundance and count on it in your marriage.
I can’t tell you if you made the right decision, but I do encourage you to think of your long-term happiness (and health — because it’s stressful and unhealthy to be the sole income earner in your marriage like you were!). Keep your life and relationship goals at the forefront of your mind: do you want to live with a man like your husband for the rest of your life? Can you envision yourself supporting him and your household bills all alone — is that what you want your life to look like?
We moved past that and again yesterday I was on FB using his because I don’t have my own account. I found some very hurting conversations he’s been having with women before I arrived and even now he tries to speak to them -most of the conversations are from before and leading to the months I arrived. Please help me I don’t know what to do. We got married legally but are having a wedding celebration next month and I’ve been tears since yesterday. I spoke with him and he assured me again that he didn’t meet these women -said he is sorry cried and so forth but I don’t know. Please help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I just want to walk away and go back home. Please help me.
Thank you… although it has been months in a loveless, no affection and no passion relationship, i still held on thinking things would change but he finally told me after me forcing him to talk to me that he doesn’t love or care for me any more and he can not force himself…. its day one and it hurts as hell, messed up thing is we will live together with a toddler… I am spinning… do not know what to do or where to go!
He'd started to act grumpy again and we talked about it, but he said he had no time to see a counselor. Then Sunday he said he was going to hang with a buddy. I don't know why, but I got a really bad feeling, so I drove to where he said he was and he wasn't there. I called him and he made up a lie, and then another one and another one. He was willing to drive drunk to try and cover up what he was doing even. I went home and he went home. He cried and said he'd been doing coke that day and didn't want me to know. He said he had lied about it several times lately and felt terrible.
This isn’t about divorce, and it’s not even about cheating. Not really. This is about understanding as a woman that while you are an important, main player in your marriage that the responsibility of your spouse’s happiness doesn’t rest solely on your shoulders. Only Jesus can heal hearts, and only He can fill an empty one. You can love your spouse, but you must also pray. And you don’t just pray for their relationship with you. You pray for their relationship with Him.
I’m just 10 months married now and I am already in a very diffuclt situation. In the beginning our marriage was so nice and problem free. Suddenly my husband changed. He became very religious and I can’t fallow him the way he wants me. I am always thinking of leaving him but I just can’t!! As soon as he is starting to leave me the only soloution I see is to commit suicide. I know what to do, I know what is best for me. But I just can’t do it! I am really so helpless
Obviously, sex should never be a requirement. Your partner might not be in the mood, they might want to wait, your sex drives are mismatched, or there might be a myriad of scenarios holding them back from getting intimate physically, none of which are bad or necessarily negative. That said, your partner should be willing to communicate their wants, desires, or their differences from you in the bedroom.
I am my new husbands 4th wife. He has a handicapped son that lives with us, the son is now 28 years old, he is agressive and my husbands feeling of guilt means that he has to go out of his way all the time to give his son a normal life, he runs around like crazy to make him happy, i am therefore a very close second in his life, not first. When we got married i had no idea that things would turn out like they are, i love my husband and i am sure that he loves me. Problem is, we have almost no signs that we are married. I have slept alone in our bed for the last 6 years, he has to sleep with his son for security (medical) purposes. We do not share a dinner table and we seldom do things together, when we do have a chance to talk, he will fall asleep on the couch. We differ 18 years, i understand that he is tired, i also work and are tired too. My husband does not like my oldest son and to the degree that i had to move my son to live with my sister. I feel like all the dreams of love and intimacy of family will never be a reality for me again. I am very lonely and my heart breaks for my son and rebellious things that he starting to do. I have never used anything as escape and recently found that a few glasses of wine each night helps to dimm all the emotion.. we are bringing the ugliest out of each other, i some days don’t even recognise myself and are starting to believe my husbands bad words against me, and then he brings me tea every morning, he never skip, no matter how bad the fight was. We mostly fight about how he treat or speak to my boys. Our daughter are in the middle of this all, she does not deserve this. We have talked about divorce and then he threatens to take our daughter, and then the next morning he brings me tea again. This has been going on forever. Please advise on what you think i should do?
My wife is 41 I’m 56. Been together 10 yrs married 9 yrs. It’s been 9 yrs of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse from her. To start, she has a complex about having small breasts. I have no problem with them. I’m not allowed to touch them, not even during sex, which now is down to once a month. Even then it’s a fight. We don’t ever “make love”. It’s just quick sex. If I try to initiate sex, it doesn’t happen. If i persist she becomes irate, obscene and it’s a big fight. I’m not allowed to caress or to kiss her. Sex is only when she initiates it. No passion or foreplay. I’ve been begging and pleading for years. We fight and argue all the time, even about simple things. The next morning she would be all cheery as if nothing happened and I of course would not be. I keep telling her she’s destroying our marriage. What complicates it is that at the beginning I put up $63K to purchase our home with a mortgage. We also have a 5 yr old son that lives with us. My first boy child. I have 4 grown girls. The abuse over the years has taken a toll and I”m ready to end the marriage. I just can’t take it anymore. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Multiply it by 10 steady years, month after month, week after week. EVERYDAY!!!
I’ve married to my husband for 1 1/2 years and together for 5. I’m 25 but feel 70. I have 3 young babies with him. He’s not a bad father but not such a good husband. All we do is argue, he mismanages all of our money. Sometimes we barely pay the bills. We started a small business together so we share the money but somehow he spends it all. We can never communicate. We never resolve any of our problems because we just argue until were tired. I’m never in the mood to be intimate but I force myself so I won’t have to hear his mouth. I’ve tried new things with him sexually but every time I try something new the next day it’s some other weird stuff. He wants to do a lot for someone who doesn’t make me feel “special”. He didn’t get me anything for my birthday. We barely go anywhere and when he does do something it just feels like he’s prepping me for sex later instead of doing it because he cares for me. I don’t feel any sparks just stress. I know neither one of us are truly happy. I try to just hold it in and hope things get better but he irritates me so bad with his need to debate all the time. I’ve tried multiple approaches to fix our problems but I only get 2 results, 1.he gets angry and we argue 2. He plays the victim. I don’t know what to do.
Hey, ive been married for not even two months now and me and my wife are already seperated due to the temper i have and the possesiveness and jelousy i have. The reason i am possesiveness is that ive seen her talk to her exes all the time and exes to me are a huge red flag, it stopped after we got married and are now expecting a baby, but since then she never would do anything i wanted and i would start to get agitated until one day i blew up. Her mother talked her into making me leave the house and be without communication with her. Everytime i try to communicate with her, she says it makes her sick to even talk to me. I found out secretly that she has been talking to an ex on facebook since we split up and telling him that she doesnt want it to work and if hes coming home on august. I want this to work and i know i need to change, but how do i get her to see that when she doesnt believe me, or even cares to put any effort in it
When you are in love with your man, you are ready to do anything to make him happy, no matter what it takes. However, sometimes you can do things that actually make him miserable. It’s not easy to figure out that but there are a few signs that indicate he’s truly unhappy. I’m not gonna lie to you, ladies, I’m not the best girlfriend in the world so I know exactly how to cope with an unhappy man. It’s tricky yet possible. Just asking “What’s wrong with you?” or “What did I do?” isn’t enough to make your man speak up. Unlike women, men don’t enjoy complaining. So here are warning signs your man is secretly unhappy.
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on local television, blog radio, telesummits, and podcasts all related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men. He provides 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites including his own blog. You can connect with him via Facebook too.
Ashley, I’m going through a similar situation. Two weeks ago my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me over Facebook messenger while I was at work. I went out to my car on my lunch break to call him and he said he wasn’t happy anymore and doesn’t know what he wants. It completely came out of nowhere. The last couple of weeks he seemed distance but I didn’t think much of it. I never saw it coming. We’ve been through so much together and his family and I were very close. I think about him everyday and have nightmares about him being with someone else. Everyone keeps telling me that he wasn’t right for me and I’ll find someone else but I don’t want anyone else. My heart hurts so much. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact it’s over. Someone who I thought I trusted and told everything to is gone just like that. My chest hurts I wish I could sleep away the pain.
IN any case, the past couple of days have crystalized the notion that my marriage is over. And these affairs are not what brought it down.People often confuse the cause and the pretext. World War I did not start because some random guy shot some czar or a king, but that was a pretext. Affairs start after marriage breaks down and that is how some partners look for a way out. Our marriage broke down becuase of other reasons, not because of these affairs.
Have you ever been spoken down to? How does it feel? Not good, right? If you think you are the smartest person since Einstein, and insult your boyfriend’s intelligence on a regular basis, even if it’s in a playful way, it really won’t make him happy. Often that is just our ego barking, needing to validate itself as being so great, but it actually makes us look arrogant and isolates us from people.
My husband is the quiet reserved type – one of the things that initially attracted me to him almost 19 years ago. however, looking back now he has always remained detached from me throughout our marriage – we have a wonderful family of 5 children and for the past four years have become so distant from each other that we dont even talk. There is no arguing, so the kids dont see verbal violence, but they are not silly – they know there is a cold war raging in our home.
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But that's not your best bet: "Staying in a seriously unhappy marriage can have long-term effects on our mental and emotional health," says Carrie Cole, a couples therapist and Master Certified Gottman Therapist by the Gottman Institute. Research shows that people in bad marriages usually have low self-esteem, struggle with anxiety and depression, and have a higher rate of illness than those who don't. People feel sad and grieve when they decide to let go — but people who divorce do recover emotionally, and Cole says most find new relationships. In fact, "one statistic reported that 85 percent of those who divorce remarry within five years," she says.