I spent 42 years of my life with a moody man. It was hell. I ran after him like a puppy trying to keep peace in our home, especially for our children. I lost all respect for him. Yet we were both committed to making it work. Sometimes I think he did his best, but his best was a moody mess. There was a specific moment, after all those decades, when I said, “I’m done”, and I never looked back. We are friends. I value him, but I no longer have to put up with moods. I was desperate for peace, and now I have it. To those of you who are young and making decisions about a relationship, and the man is moody, I say “run, run, run, run”. It will only get worse after marriage. It is not up to you to “make him happy”. Your life will be ruined, and he will stay the same.
Very well put Lily. I have an ex boyfriend who had me rolling on the floor with laughter at times. The exBF still calls frequently and makes me laugh. However, he is an alcoholic and unfortunately I have found many of the comedians are. The ExBF does turn his humor on me during disagreements, which is what I mean by calling him unstable. He also would occasionally heckle absolute strangers which I found humiliating and immature. So even though 70% of the time he was amazing and kind.. the rest of the time I wondered if he will embarrass me or tease someone of a more delicate constitution than I have, like my children. I decided that he was a liability and untrustworthy although still there is no one who is more fun or knows me better or loves me more than he in the world. He simply was out of control of himself part of the time.
As you probably see, sometimes it is worth to let go or to reflect on your own behavior. Although women are mostly called the queens of drama and the ones who search for problems, there are many aspects that bother men in a relationship as well. And since the relationship should be fulfilling, motivating and happy for each partner, remember about mutual concern, acceptance, and commitment.
Do you remember the time at the beginning of a relationship when you were talking all night and still it was too little for you? He also misses it. Of course, when children appear in your world, they become an important part of the life and conversation, and yet fathers love their offspring. Just do not let this to be the only thing that will bother you. Do not forget that the relationship has to motivate and turn to action. And regardless of your duties, you should talk about what you like, what you plan and what you enjoy.
Loyalty to your partner is a tricky issue, especially when they show weakness. Humans are not so far removed from the laws of the jungle. The best I can say is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Don’t be a self sacrificing altruist if that is not who you are or who you present yourself to be. That should lessen the guilt. That said, I’d feel depressed if I abandoned someone like that. And later in life, if I were to fall into similiar circumstances, I might experience an intense insecurity or paranoia about having my partner do that to me. It might add to my moodiness, further exacerbating the situation until the prophecy is self fulfilled. That would be karma transmitting my suffering. We live in a society. We share the consequences of everyone’s actions. I don’t understand it when people say that happiness is an individual responsibility.
While it's healthy to go out and see your own friends, these people shouldn't take preference over your relationship. "If your partner always seems to have other plans and doesn't include you, it's a red flag that they aren't happy," Hershenson says. Speak up if your SO seems to care about their social life than what's best for you/the relationship.
We have been married for 14 years with a 13 year old boy. We both love our kid very much. Recently was been told by a friend that a guy is coming into my house whenever me and my son are not around. This has been going on quite some time (not so sure long). Then I check her phone bills and there a many phone call from her to this guy for past months. First when I heard it, I was in dilemma and wondering about it. So what I did is to ask my best friend to look it. So I got the opportunity when I was not around on that weekend and my son got a football game in the school. She told me that he starts at 8 am finish about 10.30 am. I ask my friend to pass my house and see what is going on. About 8.45 he called me and said that there is motorcycle inside the parking porch and noted the number bearing this guy’s number. Then I call her and she said that she is busy cleaning the house. From then on my heart really broken and wondering why must this happen to me! I lost my peace, sleep, lost appetite and feeling very angry about it.
“For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.” Romans 7:2-3
known my wife 50 yes been married 43, Can’t stand to talk to her,eat with her be around her.I have so much animosity toward her I get ill just looking at her. For the last 20yrs its like talking to wall.She never does what she says she will do. I feel like i have been beating a dead horse.Try everything to save marriage but nothing has worked So now I have shut down.We are just existing together.We got married at the age of 21 me and her 19.Tried to have affair felt to guilty could not perform.No sex or contact of any kind just passing time. Lord how it ever get this screwed up.
Our relationship is been very good over the years but about 2 or 3 years ago, she confronted me saying that she has lost interest in making love. First I thought that it could be her hormone problem and didn’t occur to me that we need to get help about it. We do continue having sex but not making love. She doesn’t even response to whatever I do to her, like romancing and foul play. Even when having sex, she said that it is painful and we need to use lubricant. Every time when we having sex, I don’t really get the satisfaction but feeling bad about it.
Invite your boyfriend out for a special night. Choose something he enjoys doing and follow it with dinner. Be yourself and make the date romantic. Watch his reaction. Look for disinterest or an eagerness to end the date. If he doesn't respond to something you've set up specifically for him, there is something going on. It may not be that he is unhappy, but taken in the context of other signs, it's a good bet he might be.
At this moment, I am still ready to move on, but again, the fault is mine!! “If you want to stay with me it is OK, otherwise I can’t stop you from leaving” are the actual words”. It is difficult to equalize the things we did to each other, but I cannot forgive her now only to plot how to hurt her bad down the road. This is what she did to me. In her defence for my presenting the evidence, my “affair” constantly came up. She still refuses therapy and I am at a breaking point. She still claims she has not done anything wrong and I guess according to Laurie’s article this smells like the end. I refuse to believe that, but I guess it is a matter of time before more truth smacks me in the face and wakes me up from this illusion that I live in.
Stop by the grocery store or bakery on your way home and pick up his favorite treat. Book a weekend away together. Give him a massage when he gets home. It's not always the job of a man to do these kinds of things. As a dedicated wife, you must surprise your husband and remind him of the fun woman he fell in love with. Believe me; he will appreciate the gesture and be thrilled that you did something so thoughtful.
When people have exciting news to share or even just need someone to talk to, they typically speed dial the person closest to them. If that used to be your spouse but is now someone else — whether that's a girlfriend or another man — it's a clear sign you're not in the happy marriage you used to be. "Research shows that in healthy marriages, couples celebrate each other's successes. If you're turning to [someone else] first in good times and bad, then you're replacing your husband emotionally and avoiding addressing what isn't working with him," says Dr. Paulette Sherman, psychologist, director of My Dating and Relationship School and author of Dating from the Inside Out. Try putting your husband into your #1 spot again. If you're not getting the support you need — or you don't even want it in the first place — it might be time to sit down and have a serious discussion about your relationship.