Notice that nothing about that response was accusatory. It’s so tempting to ask him where you couldn’t meet his impossibly high standards but try very hard to resist this urge. Because he has approached you and been very honest with you. This gives you a chance to fix things before they get worse. And although I know that it may not feel like it right now, this is a definite advantage and you truly can fix this. I hear from so many women who have already been served divorce papers or whose husband has already left the home. This isn’t the case here and these are very important distinctions.
My husband has told me that in addition to not being happy anymore, he is "emotionally involved" with another woman. I know who the woman is and considered her a friend. (BTW- my husband is technically this woman's boss, they work together) He says he feels a connection to her that he has never felt before and can read her emotionally, and he can't do that to me. This woman feels the same towards my hubby and is divorcing her husband (I just found this out). He spoke of several events in our lives where I may not have been happy, or had sacrificed my happiness for his (In my opinion, anyway). I think he basically is trying to get me to be the bad guy. I told him that until he is happy with himself, we can't determine how our marriage will be affected. I am trying to get him to talk to somebody, on his own, as I am. If we are both happy with ourselves an our marriage is still not working, that's the time to look at the next steps.
Know That He Might Be Unhappy In Another Area Of His Life: The men in this situation don’t come right out and say this of course. (Sometimes, they don’t even realize it themselves.) But it’s often very easy to read between the lines. It’s not uncommon for this whole “I’m not happy” business to come at a time when he’s otherwise struggling. Perhaps he has lost his job. Maybe he is going through a serious lifestyle change. Or perhaps something is happening with his extended family. Whatever the reason, it’s very common for a man to take a problem that has nothing whatsoever to do with his marriage and then to project that problem onto the person who is most convenient or who is the closest to him. And that person is often his wife.
There comes a point in every man's life when he realizes he is not going to save the world, cure cancer, win an Olympic gold medal, score with the insanely hot supermodel, be an astronaut. We see nothing but a downhill spiral and very little to show for it. Sure, we have a house, a wife, a couple of vehicles, some savings, and we are responsible adults. But, when we were younger we were told about all the things we were going to do. That stuck with us. We did not accomplish any of those things.
"Sometimes you just have to ask. Instead of discussing their unhappiness, people may let conflicts and resentments fester. Keeping silent about a perceived inequity or accepting behaviors over and over that are troubling may seem like one is being a good sport or taking the good with the bad. But speaking up is the only way to maintain true intimacy and closeness." —Singer
Scientists have proved that a man is able to listen to a woman attentively for only 6 minutes. That’s why, ladies, the next time you plan to have a conversation with your beloved, keep it short. The topics on which it is very difficult for a man to concentrate are unfamiliar people, celebrities, shopping, fashion, and diets. If possible, it’s best to discuss these types of things with your friends.
Yes, at the beginning of the relationship, he brought flowers, chocolates, and have organized surprises. Over time, you noticed that such actions happen less frequently or only on important occasions. Unfortunately, you cannot expect that when you share a home and have a lot of responsibilities, he will be as carefree as a young boy. Of course, romanticism is important in the relationship and in the bedroom, so talk about what you expect and what you lack. But do not complain about your husband that he is not the same as before because you are not the same as you were.
If somehow this Five Point Plan fails to work for you, and I can’t imagine how it would, there may be some last ditch tools at your disposal. For example, introspecting about what it is in you and your upbringing that have gotten you to this place. Thinking about what you can do better as a partner and team player in the relationship. Leading with positivity and affection whenever remotely possible. And, of course, couples counseling.
I see you are on this page frequently, so I thought I would ask you for help here. I wrote a lengthy comment on the page dealing with difficult parents, and I desperately need some help or advice. I don’t know what to do…it’s going to ruin my marriage and/or my life soon. Please read it and see if you can help me at all. I would greatly appreciate any insight you may have. I’m desperate!!!
My bf’s moodiness came out after 3 months. I was shocked thinking “what is this? ?”. Then it happened more and more often. Walking on eggshells. .he does go to therapy but unfortunately I don’t think it works. He had a traumatic childhood. He acknowledges he’s depressed and takes medication but he will not admit to being moody. I’m so happy go lucky and laid back that at first I just thought I could pull him out of his moods no problem. But after a while it became exhausting and I realized this was his job not mine. It’s tough-never really goes away. I do love him but if I had known this from the beginning I’d have moved on. Also he wants me with him 24/7. So giving him space doesn’t even work.
In our 13 years of marriage, my husband has had 6 jobs - I think he is always searching for something and simply not finding it. We've also literally travelled the world. (Which was his goal.) Recently, in the last few months, he lamented that we traveled as much as we did because we don't have anything to show for it, and here we are still renting and not owning a house. He is frustrated we spent the money on the travels, rather than buying a house.
Life’s about more than just finding a man. Life is this great journey and it’s not about finding a man. Some of us will find a man along the way and it’ll add to our happiness. Others will stay single and other things will make them just as happy. You can be happy with or without a man. It honestly doesn’t matter. As long as you’re being true to you, you’ll end up happy.
I have to agree with lonelywife. I was happily married up until the 8th year and I dont know what happened. Its like I woke up oneday and my marriage and life are in shambles. I was married prior to another man for 3 years – who abused me physically and mentally. I left him because CPS threated to take my son away if they got another call for domestic violence. Then I met my current husband – who was my knight in shining armor to save and protect me. He raised my son from my prior relatioship and we have had one together since then. Hes commited infidelity a few times to me (that I have rock solid proof of – there could be more that I dont know about). bUt i felt we could work throught it. Now.. I feel alone. I work 2 jobs, take the kids to school/daycare, pay all the bills etc. I go through my routine everyday and there is no time with my husband. He doesnt participate in anything. I am hopeless. I keep having dreams that I am hanging in the closet by shoe strings and my family keeps walking by me like Im not there. Its very sad. I am very sad and loney.
"People often think about the status of their relationship and where it's headed at the beginning of the relationship, but those conversations shouldn't stop. Not being on the same page when you're committed or married leads to unhappiness and divorce. Marriage is a big job. Don't say 'We'll figure it out later.' Later means never or when it's too late." —Darius Russin, M.D., M.B.A.
What is most concerning about your situation is that you report, and even seem to be, feeling depressed. Depression robs people of their energy and hopes, kills their sex lives, and makes them feel hopeless. My suggestion to you is that you seek the help of a psychotherapist so that you can feel better before you make any life altering decisions. I say this because your reaction to your husband may have more to do with depression than anything else. The best way to determine what is bothering you is to seek help. Perhaps you and the therapist can direct you towards anti depressant medication. In any case, you need to feel better and think more clealy before deciding on separation and divorce. You could even talk to your medical doctor, tell him what you are experiencing and he may either put you on anti depressant medications or refer you for psychotherapy.
I’m sorry. I did misunderstand. I thought it was three exwives. I know you pain…I just gave up on my husband love more than life today. Our spouses have OCPD obsessive Compulsive Personalty Disorder which is not the same as OCD. Read about it. It was not till I read about it that I understood. I can do nothing right…I never have. I make twice his salary and take care of monetary things more so than he does. He bitched, groans,complains, cuts be down, I can do nothing right, clean nothing right, he dominates every minute of my time when he is here and when he isn’t here. Leaves me lists of work to do to keep me busy on my off days and I work 50 hours per week…I’m exhausted with him and it’s taking scroll on my health. The rants, fits and rage…I just can’t take…I gave up today and told him I wanted a divorce..I just wanna die
What’s the difference between infidelity as a sign your marriage is over versus infidelity as a turning point towards a healthier, stronger relationship? You and your husband’s intentions for your future. Cheating in and of itself won’t necessarily end your marriage…it’s how you and your husband clean up after the infidelity that determines if you’ll stay together.