What about a spouse who suffers from depression and refuses to get the help he needs. A father of 3 young children who is saying hurtful things to his 4 year old son? He jumped out of our van with the kids inside because he didn’t want to have a discussion. He was on meds for 6 weeks in winter of 2010 and went off, saying the doc said to (she’s my doc too and we have spoken and she recommends meds for a year) I’ve given him a year to try to go on his own terms but with attacking our son verbally that has challenges from a premature birth I refuse to watch him destroy our childrens lives because of his unwillingness to get the help he needs. His parents are concerned about him as well. I’ve just ordered some self help books recommended by a psychologist friend. I have definately fallen out of love with him. This has been going on for 4 years, seems he sort of lost his mind when I became pregnant with twins. Any suggestions??? My doctor said often the non-depressed spouse has to leave or ask the spouse to leave before they will finally get help but often they still won’t get the help they need.
I spent 42 years of my life with a moody man. It was hell. I ran after him like a puppy trying to keep peace in our home, especially for our children. I lost all respect for him. Yet we were both committed to making it work. Sometimes I think he did his best, but his best was a moody mess. There was a specific moment, after all those decades, when I said, “I’m done”, and I never looked back. We are friends. I value him, but I no longer have to put up with moods. I was desperate for peace, and now I have it. To those of you who are young and making decisions about a relationship, and the man is moody, I say “run, run, run, run”. It will only get worse after marriage. It is not up to you to “make him happy”. Your life will be ruined, and he will stay the same.
I think your advice is good, here, and if a man can achieve loving himself, and being happy within himself without validation, then that’s great, and that’s what he should do. I’m not absolutely sure what form this validation takes, but I’m assuming it’s largely through sex, at least that’s how it comes across to me: that a man like this may want perhaps-too-frequent sex from his wife in order to maintain his masculine ego. If this is the case, and maybe even if it isn’t, it makes me think of how this need for masculine validation is a product… Read more »

The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
@happy in marriage. I think to post something like what you have on a thread like this is completely out of order and I HOPE you get to read this. Most of the people on here did not choose for their relationships to end? How SMUG of you to come on waxing lyrical about children from two parent families much better off that from broken homes etc? yes, in the ideal world, two parents are far better, but if you have taken the time to read a lot of these posts you will see that most of the parents are ‘single’ already with an estranged/diengaged/abusive or non-commited spouse. surely in cases like this, a single happy parent is better than two miserable ones?
There are some people (often mathematicians), who I say something to, and I think, “Oh my gosh, that HAS to make you laugh or at least smile”, and it doesn’t. That instantly creates a ton of distance. Not only could I not date such people, but I couldn’t be close friends and I don’t feel particularly comfortable in their presence, because were not “on the same wavelength.”
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This suggestion sounds so simple but not so easy to obtain. As a husband and father of three, I find my happiness to be fleeting. My wife is exhausted and has little energy nor desire to care for any needs that I may have. I believe society places husbands in a codependent role which ties our happiness to our wives. I too, am loved and appreciated at work, but at home I am the lowest priority. I was taught to be a good husband you need to make sure your wife is happy, “happy wife, happy life.” Where is the… Read more »
Wow, a lot going on here. My sense is that your husband may be depressed (or at least dysthymic) and that a lot of his negative thinking flows from that. Or, if not depressed, significantly unhappy, as he says himself. There may be one thing, or just a few things, that have landed him there that he either hasn't acknowledged to you, or hasn't even acknowledged to himself. Resetting expectations is a powerful technique to enhance resilience and reduce suffering (I discuss it at length in my book, The Undefeated Mind), and can be done without it meaning that "the world has won." That he's had 6 jobs in the last 13 years and that you sense he's always been "searching for something and simply not finding it" suggests he may be trapped in what Buddhism calls the world of Hunger. At the heart of this state of life lies a belief that if only we could fulfill our desires (whatever they happen to be) we will find long-lasting happiness. But of course, no desire provides that, so such people find themselves trapped feeling continual dissatisfaction with life in general. If he hasn't tried therapy, I'd strongly suggest it. He may have reconciled himself to life of minimal enjoyment, but you clearly haven't. If he won't do it for himself, perhaps he will for you and your daughter. Good luck.
my hubby and i have been together 2years but out of the two we have only been married for a year. we started out as friends becaues i have 2 older children. then after we got married long come our newborn and then thats when i started to see the long hrs he put in at work and than the change to myself and my 2 older children .he and myslef don’t speack much anymore to one another or look at one another like we did before. his attiued to my children have changed. need help understanding what to do or how to feel about this.
But even if it’s just moodiness, resilience is such a key and under-discussed point for a long-term relationship. Life and relationships aren’t always easy. What’s going to happen in the future when your toddler goes through the Terrible Twos, or money is tight, or someone goes through a rough career transition? While I fully acknowledge some people need space to process stress, but if you’re in a partnership, you can’t just sequester yourself away for a few days and leave your partner possibly high and dry with the mess. If Katie’s boyfriend doesn’t change — and I think she needs to make that assumption, judging from her letter — is this acceptable to her? Only she can make that call, but it sounds like it’s not.
Hi, Laurie. My name is Matt and I am looking for support and guidance. I recently confessed to my wife that I had been cheating for nearly a year. This affair took place while I was away from home on business. The affair was not just physically, we became emotionally involved. I am not attempting to justify my actions. They are beyond justification. However, when I left we had been at the apex of nearly three years of very hard times when she had stopped responding to me. Now, we are both seeking help. We are working very hard to get back to one another and in some ways our relationship is at its most healthy. I am, however, struggling. There are days where I miss the other woman and I have repeatedly cut contact with her only to get in touch with her again. My decision about how to conduct myself in this situation has been made but my resolve is not where it needs to be. Is there any insight you would be willing to give that would help me get to a place where I no longer feel the desire or temptation to speak to this woman?

For some reason your roommate—er, life partner—has been following you around all night, when all you want is to finish up the evening's menial tasks so that you can commune with your true passion (i.e., DVR'd episodes of Game of Thrones), tapping you on the shoulder and asking you inane questions about electric toothbrushes and dry cleaning and RSVPs. Is he trying to be irritating? I'm guessing that no, he is not trying. (It comes naturally! Hey-oh!) Chances are he's hungry for a little attention, and is therefore resorting to the grown-up's version of sleeve-tugging. Give it to him—not only will you be nurturing your relationship, but you'll increase your chances of getting a foot rub while you catch up with the Lannisters.


It can sometimes be difficult to know if a boyfriend is happy, particularly if your boyfriend isn't skilled at communicating. Since both parties in a relationship need to be happy for the relationship to stand a chance for long-term survival, you should approach your boyfriend if you feel he may not be happy in the relationship. While there is no way to fully know if your boyfriend is happy, there are signs to look for to help determine the state of your relationship.
A lot of single and married women today believe that marriage is a means to an end – that all their problems will magically go away when the love of their life places a ring on their finger and they finally say “I do.” There is also an underlying expectation that the men in our lives will keep us happy at all costs. But despite the cues we get from the media, in fairy tales, and from those we believe are so happy around us, your relationship is not meant to keep you happy. Yes, your man should make you happy, but that is not the sole objective. We should be taking another path to happiness in our relationship – one that is more likely to get us where we need to be. This doesn’t begin with fixing our man, but with fixing our own hearts. Here are six things to do when your man can’t make you happy.
For some reason your roommate—er, life partner—has been following you around all night, when all you want is to finish up the evening's menial tasks so that you can commune with your true passion (i.e., DVR'd episodes of Game of Thrones), tapping you on the shoulder and asking you inane questions about electric toothbrushes and dry cleaning and RSVPs. Is he trying to be irritating? I'm guessing that no, he is not trying. (It comes naturally! Hey-oh!) Chances are he's hungry for a little attention, and is therefore resorting to the grown-up's version of sleeve-tugging. Give it to him—not only will you be nurturing your relationship, but you'll increase your chances of getting a foot rub while you catch up with the Lannisters.

9. Support him: Encourage him if he wants to try something new. Support him if he's going through a rough phase in life. Generally, men do not open up as easily as women do, so don’t expect a heartfelt conversation every time he’s going through a rocky patch. Something as simple as telling him he’s doing a good job or making him a nice meal after a long day can make him feel cared for. 


Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on local television, blog radio, telesummits, and podcasts all related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men. He provides 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites including his own blog. You can connect with him via  Facebook too.
I have even chatted with you name it and I have done it. Been there done that. Things online are virtual as long as they stay online. The internet is a fairytale land where people can be who they want to be or can’t be in real life. In some cases some are delusional enought to believe it all. When it comes to real life meetings that’s when things change. If you are not ready to stand on your own two feet with money in pocket,a job,and a place to move to, I would not be thinking of leaving. I would be thinking of becoming independent enough to get to your destination beyond the door. As thin as your husbands excuse is, it might actually be true and harmless. In any case visualize your life seperate and independant. If this works for you and you can do it then have at it. Just be prepared by thinking about it because many believe once you move out there is no moving back in.
But here’s the problem. We’ve not been intimate since I feel pregnant shortly after our marriage. We’ve cuddled but nothing more, he barely even kisses me. I know he still loves me and would never cheat but I’ve become much more strong and independent in the past three years. I have a great set of friends, my family issues have settled down and my career is going well. I feel confident as a Mother and often had periods when I’m home alone and no longer feel I miss my husband when he’s not around. I became curious about how he was coping without Sex, I knew he must be taking care of himself but I couldn’t help but wonder what else he was doing. I started checking up on his internet use and found he was checking out a porn site. Nothing serious just photos. Years earlier when we were going through a dry spell I found a stash of mags, which I confronted him about, he was so sorry and I’ve never seen any evidence of such activity since. But finding this website really upset me, not because I’m a prude, I get that men are visual and often enjoy porn, it’s that he’s using it to satisfy himself instead of having a healthy relationship with me that bothers me so much. I final found the courage to bring it up with him and told him I feel completely disconnected from him and don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless marriage. He’s promised to change and apologised for making me feel bad but I’m really not sure I feel enough for him anymore to keep trying.
“Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint,” writes Lisitsa on Recognizing Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. “The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack: it is an attack on your husband at the core. In effect, you are dismantling his whole being when you criticize.”
Mark, I feel that you have written here with the best of intentions, but you are wasting your energy on talking about married couples and their subsequent divorce, rather than people who are not yet married. Hopefully the married couples can work things out. Hopefully the divorce doesn't suck too much life out of the family. We all get that. You must use your academic background to start promoting an end to the practice of marriage for non religious people, who have not yet made the mistake of marrying. It is a shame that with all of your knowledge you have not yet begun to actively promote an end to marriage for the non religious. It is a useless and too often destructive institution that must be ended as soon as possible. It leaves good, hard working men at the mercy of corrupt family court systems and the she-devils who have come to dominate the feminine side of our culture. They lose everything. There is no greater pain than for a parent to lose a child, and this is what is happening to men all over the country. Get your priorities straight as soon as possible. Ending marriage for the non religious must become your focus.
Alex says to be prepared for resistance to any changes you make - I respectfully say that's a huge understatement. Be ready to lose your entire family when you make changes in how you relate to your mother. Sounds dramatic, I know. Maybe you won't lose them all. I still have an uncle, an aunt, and a cousin who exchange holiday and birthday cards with me. But if you do lose them, considering how your grandparents and mother already invalidate your feelings, you might find the loss to be not as great as you feared.
Hi everyone I know you all have been looking for a certified hacker that works legit and not scammer welll meet cyberspyne@gmail .com. For all your email hacks find out the password of any site he / she (your partner) is on via the email address just do forget password and you have access you could use this files for your divorce also don't let that cheat get away contact cyberspyne@gmail .com. Remember he would show you proof before you make payments this is real see readers comment below :
My situation is not exactly same as yours. But my boyfriend tends to be moody or changes mood within the day. In one instance, we’re chatting in Facebook, i was telling we got free food at work at that day and he’ll just send me a thumbs up emoticon. Normally when I tell him something about FOOD it he would say ” delicious”. We’ve had our relationship for 3 months now. That is not the only the instance of his mood swings. He would suddenly be cold to me. I would ask him ” is there a problem?” he would answer NO. Sometimes it made me think whats wrong? Did i say something stupid? Suddenly out of nowhere he would tell me I Love You. He admits that he is moody. He has bad temper at times but not to the point of hurting me. He would normally raise his voice when he doesn’t want things go the right way. I mean I can feel he really loves me but sometimes it pisses me off when he is like that. What I’m doing is just letting his bad mood passed. I’m just ignoring it. I just let his mood normalize.
I am here to testify on how Dr Stanly help me to bring back my ex-boyfriend who left me 3 months ago. I got his email on the internet on an article how he had help so many people to get their ex partner back with spell, so i emailed HIM and told my problems to him and he gave me an assurance of getting my boyfriend back within 24hours and to my greatest surprise my boyfriend came back to me after 24hours of casting the spell.
My question to Laurie: Is that All that you are going to say to peter? You have totally thrown in to the sea of forgotten the reason he got to the infidelity in the first place. Maybe you need to go back and review that article. I mean seriously , what the hell could he have done to stop her from acting like that? All too often women want men to be men and understand why he has to go a whole year without sex, sandwhiched with disconnection and disrespect on HER part, mentally beat us for what their fire mothers went thru with our forefathers which none of either sex had nothing to do with or know anything of,(which made life better and women and children more respectable and families STAYED TOGETHER), have freedom to be with other people and show off, and then you wanna make stupid little forums about how to subtly throw the man under the bus when the WOMAN IS THE ONE DOING IT ALL???!! Women have gone too far and its time us husbands had done something about it. You are like my wife; the woman with her husband in walmart with the tight shorts that crawl into her juicy ass that i asked her not to wear because its doing exactly what i didnt want which is other men having their attention GRABBED by it but show me enogh respect only because im there to not yell out DAM!! that ass is juicy, but would approach her if i werent there. and when they turn away her walk changes statements from im sexy to if you dont look at me theres going to be big problems. im going through the same as you peter only difference is the four kids i helpd her raise are not biologically mine; which makes it even harder. And everyday i ask myself the same question as you while these reptilian women get congress’ support to sabotage and rape us of our manhood for a mere laugh.If there was ever an organization to put an end to such debauchery and mutilation of the man child species, you can bet your man panties you can look me up and make me apart of the regime!
My prayer is that you find strength, courage, and peace. May you find a good place to live, and may you connect with friends and family who are supportive and compassionate. I pray for everything to go smoothly as you and your boyfriend make decisions, and for a new home and other practical parts of moving to fall into place quickly and easily. I pray for healing for you and him, and for wisdom as you parent your child after this breakup. May you find faith, hope, and even joy in your future! I pray for all good things for you, for your child, for your life and future relationships.
I guess I am not the only one. He cheated on me multiple times. He kept texting other girls but wont text me. I saw a girl dressing up in his bedroom on his phone but he told me a friend visited with his girlfriend and they took his phone. I had to believe him because I love him. He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?
HELP! My Husband told me a few months ago that He loves me but isnt happy and hasnt been for over a year. I dont know what to do. I never saw any of the signs. Im 24 and hes 33. i always wondered y the sex started coming so seldomly. like once every 3-4 months now were going on 6months. He work si dont. i stay home with our 4 year old. I make sure the house is clean. set his clothes out for day and night. do laundry cook dinner serve him his plate so that he doesnt have to do it all. i pamper him i guess is the word. rub his feet tell him that he is handsome and sexy all the time. but.... i never get any attention at all! every day i cant wait till bed time because thats the only time he holds me. ive tried everything to get him happy again, being nicer then giving space, but nothing works. Im at my witts end! he doesnt want counseling, he doesnt want to try ANYTHING. im completely and hoplessly stuck. i dont know what im going to do... HELP PLEASE.... im desperate.

But if we all get out of our own egos for a little bit and stop defending our worldviews, I ask you: if you had a choice between a partner who was anxious/moody/depressed and one who wasn’t, why would you choose anxious/moody/depressed? When I was feeling that way, believe me, I felt chagrined when women would pull away from me. But now that I’m on the other side, I can completely understand why they did.
"The biggest mistake I see women doing in their marriages is showing a lack or admiration and respect for their husbands," international dating and relationship expert Megan Weks told me in an interview. "If you want him to be happy, feel loved, and feel sexually attracted to you, he needs to feel admired. He is not going to tell you this and he may not even be able to pinpoint the problem, but if you are doing and saying things which beat him down instead of build him up, you are asking for your man to be unhappy in the marriage."
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