My husband is not interested in having sex with me anymore. When there is a fight, he always says” Isn’t it enoough for me to bear you and bear your big mouth” He repeats this comment a lot. He is not interested in going out with me and children as we used to be in the past. I take the children all by myself. He comes from work and he is on facebook till very late at night. when I approach him for intimate relationship, sometimes he says I am tired. I am the one who always approach him In my country it is not easy to ask for a divorce. I have kids. He spends money on them. I don’t think I am going to have another relationship with anybody. How am I going to save this marriage? He has changed.
It takes patience to develop a strong relationship, and if you pressure your boyfriend to move in together or get engaged, chances are he will feel like you’re forcing him. It’s best to let things happen naturally and realize that if you get along, that’s all that matters and if you don’t get along, moving in together isn’t going to solve that problem.
It is frustrating when you’re doing everything you can to be a good husband, and yet you’re treated badly and betrayed. I don’t know your situation and I’m worried that you mentioned taking your own life. I don’t know how to help you, other than to encourage you to try to find people in your own situation. A support group for dads or separated men, perhaps? I don’t know what you need.

As women, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in raising kids, supporting our husbands, and running our homes-not to mention our careers outside the home! So many of us feel like we don’t even know who we are anymore!  We get bored with the monotony of our lives and start to wonder what else is out there for us. We start to crave excitement and adventure. We wonder what life might have been like if we had stayed single or married someone else.


I have a husband who has been hard to please. We have been married for 20+ years. Everything I do has an "ulterior" motive in his mind. I don't think I can even get into the whole of this to give anyone a good perspective of what I am dealing with. He was married to a woman for maybe 2-3 months. I'm not sure why he married her as she cheated on him before they were married and he still married her - then shortly after they got married she cheated again and he kicked her out. After they were split for like 2 years we started dating and got married. He has really old-fashioned thinking which at times is nice and at times it is very stressful. Anyway - if I even talk to another man he gets a little ridiculous. Recently we had a friend who lost a spouse and our children were really good friends. They (the children) have been over a lot since that happened and my husband has blown that whole thing into he is interested in me. To the point of starting arguments about it in the middle of the night. when I am sound asleep - he will wake me up - what's wrong - I know there is something wrong. I can't even talk to him anymore - even social media posts he twists into a new dimension of meaning something entirely different. I am probably going to block him from my social media posts to put a stop to that. I walk on eggshells. He gets my phone and reads my text messages and has found nothing - but still swears there is something there. The way he thinks is the only right way and if you try to show him something different it can often make him angry. I feel like a caged bird and I feel like he is smothering me and the whole situation is making me very unhappy. I try to be happy even when things are going wrong - I deal with it and move on. He complains and puts everyone around him down and blames them even if they had nothing to do with it. He can control himself around his own family and around people he thinks a lot of. He will brag us up to those people, but if my Mom is around or if someone he has decided he doesn't care for is around he is downright hurtful and rude. What is odd - is it's ok if he does it - but if you would turn around and do the same - he would be telling you about it. He has good qualities - he is a hard worker and a good provider. And what I have just explained is just a mild overview, nowhere near a thorough explanation. My main question is how do you give yourself space from a person like this when you are married with children still at home living in the same home? I am self-employed but I don't feel I can support myself without getting a job which would probably mean I would need to quit my business as I would not be readily available for appointments. I love your advice - and I think it would work great for a more removed relative or friend - but how do you make it work for someone you live with who seems at times irrational.
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My boyfriend says that he is not happy anymore. He said that he hasn't been in a long time, and that he feels that he doesnt know if he can handel the responsibilities that come along with being in a relationship. He said that he loves me, he is in love with me but that he needs a few days to figure things out. For now, he doesnt want to break up. He is not cheating on me, or interested in dating other women. He said " I dont know if I can handle being with anyone, but if I can I want to be with you".
Thank you… although it has been months in a loveless, no affection and no passion relationship, i still held on thinking things would change but he finally told me after me forcing him to talk to me that he doesn’t love or care for me any more and he can not force himself…. its day one and it hurts as hell, messed up thing is we will live together with a toddler… I am spinning… do not know what to do or where to go!
My husband says he is not happy is something that many wives find themselves saying after they've been married for a time. When you love a man and he confesses to you that he's unhappy it puts you in a very difficult situation. Naturally you're going to wonder about what his next move will be. Whenever a husband feels unfulfilled in his marriage, separation and eventually divorce is going to be a constant threat. It's incredibly difficult to live in a situation like this where you're never really sure of what his intentions are. If you truly love your spouse and you want to keep your relationship together, you can make that happen. In fact, you actually have the ability to create a stronger, more loving connection with your husband.
i had a love marriage, i went against my parents and my husband went against his parents. it has been 4 years. recently he has just stopped caring about me. he fights, says hurtful things, never ever apologises or tries to make up after we have an argument. it is only me who has to keep my anger aside and approach him, always. when he fights, he just leaves me alone for hours without telling me where is he going or when he will be back. sometimes he becomes so angry that i have to cry in his feet to make him stop. he hits himself when he is angry, and very voilently. it scares me. despite repeated requests and promises, he always starts beating himself if i argue with him. these days he even threatens that he will start beating himself if i dont agree to him. although he has never hit me, or cheated on me, its his lack of care for me and my feelings that just kills me. i had an abortion and he never called me from his office to ask if i was ok. even when i was bleeding with abortion, he never offered me help in household chores. when i confronted him about these issues, he said things like, “no no, i love you and all. i cant divorce u. i’ll die if you leave me. i have no one, my parents left me and if u also leave, i have nothing left.”
If you want to stop your husband from cheating, you must devise a good plan for your marriage. No marriage can succeed without a plan. Building a marriage is like building a house; you must have a burning desire to make it work. You need to develop a plan for the marriage and every day sit down with your spouse and show him your plan. During this time, let him see the cost involved in building a successful marriage, taking care of the home and the kid's education. Soon, your husband will realize the cost of his cheating and will discover it is not worthy to be spending money and time outside on strange women when the one he is married to is a better planner and organizer.
I met my husband when I was 20 and we’ve been together 13 years, married 3 and have a two year old son. Right from word go we had issues with intimacy, so much so that I cheated on him early on, I didn’t hide it from him instead told him I wanted to break up as I didn’t believe we were right for each other as he showed such little interest in my sexually. He apologised, told me he adored me and asked for another chance, he said it was just the way he was but asked if I really just want a relationship based on the physical. That really struck home with me as I’d often felt the guys I’d dated before were more interested in sex than me as a person. So I gave him another chance and though we had ups and downs we grew to be great friends, but never great lovers. But whenever we were apart I missed him terribly and so felt it was worth working at. I also had a lot of emotional turmoil with my family during those years and at times felt very alone, he was always my rock and made me feel validated and loved – he’s always so proud of my achievements and quick to tell others how great I am.

My pregnancy was definitely unplanned. My fiancé & I had sex one time & then found out we were pregnant just 2 weeks later. He was super shocked at first & kept telling me that it was still early enough for my period to possibly flush it out (he doesn't really know much about this kinda stuff), then he was really upset, cried for a few days, & didn't expect it to be a legit thing until we got it confirmed by a doctor the day I was suppose to have a period... Now we're a little over 16 weeks in & he's still terrified, but extremely excited to be a daddy <3
I guess the question here is as the topic suggests: “Is my marriage over?” Are these all signs that she is heading for the exits and as soon as good opportunity comes along she will leave me? Is she just going through midlife crisis? Till some of these questions are resolved, I am destined to a life without any kind of love, communication, being called scary monster etc, let alone any sex. A corollary question is ” Should I be heading for the exits? I do love her (she would chuckle on this one) and just cannot imagine my life after divorce. Also, the idea that my girls will have another “father” simply devastates me. On the other hand, I am 46, not exactly the time to go out and build again something useful and stable. To say that I am depressed is understatement. Many times I contemplated suicide, even thought of how to write the final letter

This may seem like an obvious statement, but very important. I'm not just saying have sex a couple of times a week. Be totally invested in the act as much as possible. Sex is a very important and essential act to men. Show him you love him by loving on him. Get into the act and set your insecurities aside. This is the man you said your vows to and are going to spend the rest of your life with. Explore each other's bodies and have fun. Try to initiate sex some of the time as that will spice things up and make your husband even more excited for some fun in bed.
my husband and i have been married for nearly 5 years and for the past year things have been awful. he is unemployed and drinks all the time. he puts his friends and social life above what is best for us. since we have been together, he has blown all of our savings and now we are living on next to nothing. he doesn’t seem to care at all about our financial situation or how we can fix it…just wants to hang out with his friends and drink. we have two small children that i do 90% of everything for, while working, trying to take care of the house and the budget. every time i bring up our relationship and how we should work on things, he just says that we need a vacation and that we have no problems. i could talk to him until i’m blue in the face about our issues and he just brushes it off or says he doesn’t care how i feel. the thought of sex with him honestly disgusts me at this point. i am not attracted to him at all anymore. i don’t know what to do. a part of me still loves him very much but i have lost almost all respect for him. please help me figure out what to do. thank you.
My pregnancy was definitely unplanned. My fiancé & I had sex one time & then found out we were pregnant just 2 weeks later. He was super shocked at first & kept telling me that it was still early enough for my period to possibly flush it out (he doesn't really know much about this kinda stuff), then he was really upset, cried for a few days, & didn't expect it to be a legit thing until we got it confirmed by a doctor the day I was suppose to have a period... Now we're a little over 16 weeks in & he's still terrified, but extremely excited to be a daddy <3
If you really want to keep your boyfriend happy, keep your word. Just as we like men to do what they say, they like us to do so too. Call when you say you will, show up on time, and don’t stand him up. If you blow him off or forget to follow through with things, it will make you look like you don’t care and make you look irresponsible, because all he has to go by is your actions.
5. Keep an open mind: This goes for a lot of things (seriously, just try the restaurant he wants you to try), but we are specifically talking in the bedroom. Everybody has different tastes, and if you want to keep your love life exciting (visit Babeland for ideas and inspiration), it’s wise to approach sex with a relaxed, non-judgmental attitude. As long as it doesn’t hurt you or throw your moral compass out of whack, adopt an “I’ll try anything once and twice if I like it” attitude. And if he’s into something you just can’t get down with? Try super hard not to let him know you think his kink is weird or gross. Most people have already had enough sexual shame to last them a lifetime (thanks, abstinence-only sex education!).
Women like to complain about men’s socks scattered around the house but they also sometimes have annoying or strange habits. We like to occupy the bathroom for 2 hours and chat with our girlfriends as much as possible, fill the wardrobe with unnecessary stuff, eat from our boyfriend’s plate, or keep singing the same song all day long. Loving men, as a rule, endure all this and remain silent or react with humor. If your man is constantly scrutinizing every little thing you do and making negative comments about your behavior, it means that the only feeling he has left is irritation instead of love.
Just recently out of nowhere-my b.f. stopped talking to me for 2 weeks as if I did something wrong. I was perplexed to say the very least. I couldn’t figure it out. This isn’t the 1st time this has happened- but usually after a few days he shakes it off and all is right in his world (which he shares w/ me). I’m Obviously seeking out some kind of answer to what I need to do in my situation& the bottom line is…that I need to put my needs first. I have my own issues that I’ve swept under the rug for so many years. KI’ve been so busy trying to make him happy that my needs were not addressed. I’ve ignored and neglected myself & I’m really starting to feel it. I Feel that if I lead by example & begin my quest to a healthier me- then he may just follow in my footsteps. If not…then I really have no choice but to leave him behind….which would really break my
Yep when I found out at 5 weeks I told my OH (other half) and he was not happy! I was on contraceptive pill but I know I missed a few on holiday etc and I had warned him. But still wasn't expecting to get pregnant (denial!). He blamed me and told me I had to get rid of it, I was devastated at how harsh he was as its totally out of character for him. Ignored me for a few days and then slowly started to accept that I was keeping it with or without him. He now regrets his behaviour so much , I'm nearly 16 weeks. He's totally inlove with the baby and treats me like an absolute princess. He is beyond excited and has even been dropping hints about an engagement at Christmas and has asked me to move in. Some people just take time xx
A Marriage Repaired: You can take on your marriage, improve yourself, deal with your children; or look realistically at divorce. There is dignity in making it work. And, there’s dignity in starting fresh for the right reasons. Take a look at Harville Hendrix or John Gottman's work on rehabilitating a marriage. For many, it can be done. Take an active role.
Before I go any further, allow me to acknowledge a few things: unhappy and moody are not exactly the same. “Moody” sounds temporary, where “unhappy” is chronic. Then again, if your boyfriend consistently finds himself in a bad mood, I’m not sure how different it is from being unhappy. If it sounds like I’m familiar with the condition, it’s because, from 20-30 years old, I was always somewhere between unhappy/moody/anxious. I dated a LOT in that time and while there were many stretches where I could get by on charm, I could never mask my perpetual dissatisfaction with my career. Women would take a chance on me, but either I was a total downer or I was so unhappy that I’d choose an unsuitable woman just because she was there. Both are recipes for failed relationships.
Relationships are delicate, complex, and always changing. Some marriages last 70 years, some last 72 days (looking at you, Kim)—and while neither of those options is necessarily right or wrong, most people enter a relationship hoping it will last a long time, if not a lifetime. There is no one-size-fits-all secret to a lasting, happy, and faithful relationship, but there are some general guidelines.
We are brought up with the expectation that men are supposed and expected to be pursuers. Not every woman will go after a man who “goes to the mountain like a lion” to paraphrase DJ (from another discussion). Or rather, not every man will have a woman following him there. So we just disqualify ourselves from the available gene pool. I think that “self-reliance” mostly is about the definition we put in the word. Not ever listening to advice or suggestions, and/or bulldozing other people for having different opinions, is also forms of self-reliance. Sure, I don’t need a spouse… Read more »
A Marriage Repaired: You can take on your marriage, improve yourself, deal with your children; or look realistically at divorce. There is dignity in making it work. And, there’s dignity in starting fresh for the right reasons. Take a look at Harville Hendrix or John Gottman's work on rehabilitating a marriage. For many, it can be done. Take an active role.
How To Respond When He’s Saying That He Loves You But Isn’t Happy:  First of all, do not get overly emotional.  Don’t question him in a way that sounds accusatory or implies that he’s mistaken because of his own selfishness or because he expects too much.  Make it very clear that his problems are your problems because you want for him to be happy in a very healthy marriage.  You both deserve nothing less.
You ladies are evil. This article is despicable, Maybe your controlling behavior is why your husband cant hear you. The best thing that looks good on a woman is kindness and understanding! The author is obviously has border line personality disorder. Men I know its hard to be a man sometimes, but If your wife does any of these things…. RUN. These things listed are not weapons but manipulations for a selfish person to get what they need and benefit NO partnership!

I recently told my husband of a little over a year (we’ve been togehter 5 years total and have a 2 year old together) that I wanted a seperation. I’m not happy with our marriage and I havn’t been for a long time I don’t believe we should ever have gotten married but at the same time I love him and I’m so scared that I will change my mind. I work full time, go to school full time and take care of our daughter most of the time while he works at a restuarant as a server about 20-25 hours a week making little to know money (and he’s 6 years older). I’m tired of not only carrying the financial burden but of nothing being good enough. Nothing I do seems to be right for him I don’t clean or cook enough. We also are barely ever itimate I’m in my early 20’s and would like to have regular intercourse with my husband and it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have to beg him to be with me and even when we are he acts like it’s a treat. I’m so scared that somehow he will talk me into staying with him (b/c he can not support himself), but on the other hand he is the father of my child and I don’t want to abandon him to be homeless (he has no family here). I just don’t know where to draw the line? When does it become him taking advantage of me? and how do I prevent him from talking me into staying especially when I KNOW that it would be bad?
I don't think he is or would have an affair. I think that he still wants to try to have a sucessful and happy marriage, but neither one of us is certain how to accompllish it. He doesn't like to share his feelings with me until he can't handle them anymore. He told me that at the point when he finally does tell me, he says he is never sure how I'll react. After he tells me, he says he ends up feeling guilty ( I'm a very easy crier) and then wishes he had kept his mouth shut. I do have depression, and have been this way since we met, so this is nothing he didn't know. He also expressed that he's been feeling very cynical and angry towards me for reasons he can't explain. For example- I am directionally challenged (driving directions). On a recent trip he got mad that I had us going in circles. When I told him that getting mad at me was not going to make me better at reading a map, he took the map and curtily showed me where we were, etc. He used that recent experience as an example of how his attitude toward me has changed. I just don't know what to do. He's right- personalities don't change, and I now realize that our relationship isn't where it was two years ago. I love him so much and am ready to fight (figuratively speaking) to make our marriage stronger from this experience.
I guess the question here is as the topic suggests: “Is my marriage over?” Are these all signs that she is heading for the exits and as soon as good opportunity comes along she will leave me? Is she just going through midlife crisis? Till some of these questions are resolved, I am destined to a life without any kind of love, communication, being called scary monster etc, let alone any sex. A corollary question is ” Should I be heading for the exits? I do love her (she would chuckle on this one) and just cannot imagine my life after divorce. Also, the idea that my girls will have another “father” simply devastates me. On the other hand, I am 46, not exactly the time to go out and build again something useful and stable. To say that I am depressed is understatement. Many times I contemplated suicide, even thought of how to write the final letter
If your boyfriend is trying to change the way you behave or the way you are in general that definitely means that he`s unhappy in your relationship. If you don`t feel like making any changes, let him know about it. If he gives an ultimatum, do you really want to be with such a person? Love yourself, respect yourself and don’t allow anyone, including your man, ruin your individuality. Discuss things both of you want to change and think about what each of you can do to improve your relationship without making a sacrifice.
If they can't sit through a conversation about their intentions and goals, it might mean that they're not willing to commit to you or they don't envision the same kind of future that you do. This is totally fine, but you shouldn't be planning a future around someone who doesn't want a similar one, especially because, according to science, the clock is ticking.
I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE IS FEELING AND STATING MY HUSBAND OF 21 YEARS DECIDES ONE DAY HE WANTS A DIVORCE HE NEEDS TO FIND HIMSELF AND MAKE HIS DREAMS N HOPES COME TRUE I CAN HONESTLY SAY I WAS THE BEST WIFE I DID IT ALL AND WORKED MY ADVISE TO ALL IS STOP TRYING TO GET THEM BACK THE TEXTING GIFTS NOTES EMAILS ETC DOESNT WORK SAYING AND APPRECIATING THEM DOESNT WORK THE MORE YOU DO THE LESS OF A POSITIVE RESULT WILL OCCUR BEEN THERE DONE THAT I AM NOW LIVING FOR ME LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD LIVE FOR THEMSELVES FIRST THEN SEE WHAT HAPPENS !
I have been with my husband for 9 years and married the last two of those 9. I was slightly reluctant to get married to begin with because we had our issues but things had been getting better or so I thought. The past year has been almost unbearable. I want to leave very badly but he wants to stay together because financially it would be better. I have cheated on my husband and we rarely are close to one another. I don’t feel like we connect on any level. Before things got bad I asked to try counseling and really gave it 100% now I am not even trying. I really feel like I am stuck.
Being Mary meant that my very first priority wasn’t my husband, or even my daughter. My first priority was spending time with Him. I realized that the better the quality of time I spent with Him, pouring out my heart, and listening in return, the more I felt satisfied.  I felt centered. After that, no matter what happened later on in the day, my thoughts and emotions were anchored and things didn’t feel so overwhelming.
@HappyInMarriage I, too am young in my marriage (3 yrs) and have lots of “broken families” in my family tree. But unlike you and many other people who think marriage should always be “saved”, I think the most important thing is the QUALITY of the relationship. My parents have a better quality relationship when they are apart, and I was relieved when they divorced. Not only that, I have many extra siblings from new marriages they formed who mean the world to me and have a much larger family because of all the “broken” marriages. People change, make mistakes, etc and who are you or anyone else to tell people that you know what is best for them and their family? Sometimes staying together is not the best option for the health of the relationship. Sometimes a “broken” marriage can lead to greater joy in the family and new relationships and a bigger family.
There have been times that I have just cried while we were having sex because I felt cheap. It seemed like I felt guilty, almost like cheating on myself. I hope that makes sense. Then last night, I just felt nothing during sex. I can’t make myself get into it. I did that for awhile, I was able to make myself get into the physical part of it, but I can’t do the staring longingly thing anymore. I don’t feel it anymore.

It’s not always a denial issue.  Many people who struggle with depression – and I are one – think “this too shall pass” and that they will somehow snap out of it.  So before you call anyone an “idiot”, walk a mile in his/her shoes.  You don’t want to sacrifice your life for them, so be it.  Don’t.  But don’t try to paint it as a character issue.  Because so many people view as such, those who struggle with depression often feel ashamed or embarrassed that they need help and can’t just snap out of it.


It takes patience to develop a strong relationship, and if you pressure your boyfriend to move in together or get engaged, chances are he will feel like you’re forcing him. It’s best to let things happen naturally and realize that if you get along, that’s all that matters and if you don’t get along, moving in together isn’t going to solve that problem.
I’m Indian and Married to Romanian (Girl). We used to work in same company but on different locations and fall in love, it was kind of distance relationship..but something unbelievable. Almost 6 months we talked like this way and then decided to marry..She reached to India and we married. As our decision was to stay in Romania I accompany her there…In the beginning things were beautiful but gradually sweet turned in to sour…I take all responsibility as I was scared for my career…cause of global economy downfall I could get no job in Romania. Whenever I try talked about on this matter to my wife she got upset….she always said there are many people jobless don’t worry I am with you..but my esteem was not allowing me to sit back and peruse life on my wife’s salary…my biggest frustration not was, I have no job but I could do nothing for her….whenever we used to go out I could buy nothing for her and I always felt so bad, being a husband I was not able to do what I need to (take care of her by all means) it pinched me always…..
If somehow this Five Point Plan fails to work for you, and I can’t imagine how it would, there may be some last ditch tools at your disposal.  For example, introspecting about what it is in you and your upbringing that have gotten you to this place.  Thinking about what you can do better as a partner and team player in the relationship.  Leading with positivity and affection whenever remotely possible. And, of course, couples counseling.
Recently my husband and I have brought some issues to light. We have been together 13 years, married 12. We were young and I had a 3 mo old daughter when we met. I fell in love with him because of the way he was with her. Recently, in a very relaxed conversation, he reveiled to me that he “thinks this sounds bad” but he believes he fell in love with me becuase of her. I dont have a problem with that. But now he thinks he loves me very much but isnt in love with me anymore. Personally, I dont know the difference. He says he loves me every night before we go to bed, and every morning before he leaves for work, as well as every time we talk on the phone, before he hangs up. And if I say it to him when around the house, he always says it back. He usually kisses me good night and good bye. So I think there is love there, and after so many years of being together you just fall into a rut. But…….. there are problems and I am not sure, when put all together, if I should be worried. He has always had this thing with joining dating sites online. He says he is just looking and that you have to become a memeber to see them. He says he doesnt get attention very often and it’s nice to see if someone responds. That he never returns their messages and would never act upon it. He has acutally kept this very open with me. From the beginning. I truly do understand where he is coming from. In my line of work, I am with guys all the time. So there is attention. I share all these stories with him so that he doesnt think I am hiding anything. I have never done anything inappropriate with anymore, nor have i wanted to. He is the only guy I have wanted in that way since I have been with him. In his line of work, there is no one else to give him this attention. WE all like to feel that we are still desireable and I know how that feeling lacks after being in the same relationship for years. But lately, I have had an issue with it and when I try to talk to him about it, he tells me (now mind you very calmly and never upset with me about it) that he never ever as any intention of acting upon it, it’s just nice to feel like someone is flirting with you. He is a very good looking guy and gets flirted with when we go out but he doesnt notice it. So I really do understand that need and want. Plus he reminds me that we made an agreement in the beginning that if either one of us felt things were moving towards a path that we were going to be unfaithful, then out of respect, we owed it to the other party to tell them beforehand. (He had been cheated on a few times prior to me and it really hurt him) Then I feel bad for bringing it up. But then he points out the fact that I need to start doing my own thing. We have 3 kids and i do absolutely everything for them. They are each very involved in school activities and friends and I never tell them no. So between running them around and my work I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. He says that if I had a few female friends that I could go out with and get away from the house I would feel better. That my life is not the kids and him, that I need time for myself. That i have become bitter and some people that he introduces me to read in my body language that I dont want to be there and so later on he feels embarassed and he apologizes to them for that impression and tells them that I am really not that way, that I am a very nice person, just hard to get to know. He does have a point. I only define myself as his wife and their mother. I have nothing else. And it is my own fault, I have made it that way. He says he thinks I am miserable and just dont know it. I think he has a point. But then here comes the fact that right now, becuase of everythign else, i am dealing with some real insecurity issues. I dont feel any emotion from him lately. I have tried to initiate being intimate these past few nights, with nothing but cuddling from him. I end up crying myself to sleep. I ask, if he really isnt interested and he says he really is just very tired. He recently got promoted at his job, so he leaves at 4:30 in the morning and gets home anywhere from 7:30-11:00 at night. He is exhausted and I can see it, becuase he sits on the couch within the first 5 mins of being home and falls asleep before the kids get a chance to tell him how their day was. He says that I am making a little thing into a big thing lately because I am being so emotional. Which is not like me. We use to joke that we had a really different kind of relationship. We werent really mushy, we joked in what othes would think would be mean ways. We use to tell people we had a love hate relationship. That we love to hate each other, but then we would laugh and he would kiss me and they knew it just worked for us. He had such a hard up bringing that he doesnt get very emotional, it’s almost like a wall. And i was ok with that until recently. It seems like he hasnt changed the way he treats me, but I see it now as a lack of emotion. That I am making subtle hints that I just need him to come up behind me and hug me, just to show me he’s still there, but he doesnt notice this. I want to talk to him but feel like I am beating a dead horse (for lack of a better term). We’ve never really had communication problems so I dont know why it is so difficult for me to talk to him now. I dont knwo why I feel so insecure now. I think if i just felt like i had some reassurance on his part. And when I brought that up the other night, he said, “I come home to year every night. I love you and the kids. I just want you to stop being so derogatory on the outside. Show what’s on the inside.” He even said that maybe he has started to pull away a bit becuase he sometimes doesnt know what kind of mood I am going to be in. and that does push him away sometimes. He does have a point there. He is the kind of guy that is always perkey, the glass is always half full with him. He says things are uncontrolable and you just have to go with the flow. I tease and call him a con artist sometimes, because he always seems to have everyone eating out of the palm of his hands. And I other the other hand, am the pessimistic one. I always prepare for the worse so that I wont be let down. Always been that way. But now it seems to be causing a drift between us. I feel I really need to change this behavior or I will loose him but on the same token, i dont want to feel like I have to change all of me to make him fall in love with me again. I dont feel I am the only one that has things to work on. And when this was all brought up, there was no yelling and he wasnt mean. I was crying, of course, because I didtn know he felt those things, and all I wanted was a hug but that didnt come. A year or two ago I wouldnt have thought anything of it, that’s just him, always has been. But now i feel like I really need the emotion. But it’s not fair to ask him to change. I need to know what I can do to change this, to make my marriage strong again. To make me believe that he still loves me. I want to feel that he isnt just around becuase of the kids, that he wants to be with me. Does it sound like our marriage is over? Does there look like there is any hope? What can I do to help to change things? How can I talk to him without feeling sick to bring it up? How can I get us back to where we were a few years ago? Is there any hope for us? I love him very much and am becoming sick imagining him leaving me. He hasnt said he is or wants to, but from some comments lately, I think he is just content and I want him to be happy. Does that mean I have to let him go?
If you want to stop your husband from having an affair and save your family finance, you have to cultivate a generous disposition. While occasional giving to your spouse can produce moments of happiness, a generous disposition can engender a state of happiness. Generosity can be expressed in many ways. One of the best ways, and often the most appreciated, is when you give yourself completely to your partner.

I was speaking with one of my homegirls this weekend and she was telling me about how she’s on the verge of breaking up with her man. When I asked her why, she stated that he didn’t treat her the same way he use to back in the days. Apparently, when they first got together he was happy, energetic and just loved to be around her 24/7. but now he seems distant, distracted and somewhat emotionally unavailable. My next question to her caught her completely off-guard (which was surprising, because I thought it was a fairly easy and expected question): “What’s wrong with him?”
Well it is of no surprise the outright majority will be females who have been wronged by males. I myself am in a different circumstance. I have tried to push ahead in life with my relationship, for the pure fact that we have two children and it seems to be the morally right and socially acceptable thing to do. However, I am ending it….for the pure fact that I do not love this woman as one who needs a partner they can trust, should. It is to no fault of her own, she could not see what the relationship needed, and had instead focused on what articles like this had listed. Communication is paramount, but as much as everyone thinks they know, it is a two way street and listening is skill that we as humans must learn.

I’ve married to my husband for 1 1/2 years and together for 5. I’m 25 but feel 70. I have 3 young babies with him. He’s not a bad father but not such a good husband. All we do is argue, he mismanages all of our money. Sometimes we barely pay the bills. We started a small business together so we share the money but somehow he spends it all. We can never communicate. We never resolve any of our problems because we just argue until were tired. I’m never in the mood to be intimate but I force myself so I won’t have to hear his mouth. I’ve tried new things with him sexually but every time I try something new the next day it’s some other weird stuff. He wants to do a lot for someone who doesn’t make me feel “special”. He didn’t get me anything for my birthday. We barely go anywhere and when he does do something it just feels like he’s prepping me for sex later instead of doing it because he cares for me. I don’t feel any sparks just stress. I know neither one of us are truly happy. I try to just hold it in and hope things get better but he irritates me so bad with his need to debate all the time. I’ve tried multiple approaches to fix our problems but I only get 2 results, 1.he gets angry and we argue 2. He plays the victim. I don’t know what to do.


One of the most important things to do here is to communicate with him. Invite him to share his feelings with you and be open to criticism. Remember, this is exactly what will help you to pinpoint what is needed right now. When communicating with your husband help him to feel at ease and know that he shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you about these things. Show him you’re in tune with his emotions, and you’re there to do what’s in your power.


In our 13 years of marriage, my husband has had 6 jobs - I think he is always searching for something and simply not finding it. We've also literally travelled the world. (Which was his goal.) Recently, in the last few months, he lamented that we traveled as much as we did because we don't have anything to show for it, and here we are still renting and not owning a house. He is frustrated we spent the money on the travels, rather than buying a house.

Thank you, Alex, for your prompt response! Yes, I can see in my husband a world of hunger...never quite getting what he wants to make him happy. Sadly, I haven't helped - he wants to spend a lot of money on a new recliner so he can read his books. I ask him if it will make him happy, and he says yes, and alas, of course, in due time, it does not, which really shouldn't surprise me.


well me and my husband dated for 4 years before we got married and once we ,arried after a few months he told me he cheated on me with a girl in the same complex his uncle lived in where he stayed weekends drinking ect well i felt he trapped me because id never of married him had he told me before i took my vows well we talked it out even though it hurt me bad we worked through all of it and were doing good well now he is finding every reason to always be gone out walking or at his uncles house he smokes behind my back then lies about it and we fight all the time because of his lies i got married so we can spend time with him share a life but how can you do that when he finds a million reasons to be gone every day it hurts me and i have told him but he says oh im doing better im staying home more now uh no ur not but you cant tell him nothing cuz he is always right and he has bipolar so he flips out on me and a small arguement turns into us fighting physically i finally told him we can fix this ill get a apartment for me and my son and move on because i can sit alone all day by myself i dont need him with me to do that so i am truly feeling at a loss just not sure what to do any more
Your boyfriend not trying new things with you doesn’t necessarily mean he is unhappy with your relationship, as you have already created intimate rituals you both love and feel comfortable with. But it could definitely be a sign that he is no longer satisfied with the things you are doing together, and he feels the need to try something new… And his buddies are the ones he chooses to do those new things with…

I believe you Scott and I’m a woman. Mine won’t take meds or even go for counseling. He has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and living with him is a LIVING NIGHTMARE…NOTHING IS EVER GOID ENOUGH OR HIS FAULT…I CANT TAKE IT….AND THIS COMMUNICATING CRAP….YOU CANT COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE WHO LIES TO YOU AND THEN TELLS YOU THAT YOU MADE HIM DO IT!! HANG IN THERE AND TAKE HER MONEY AWAY…NO JOB…NO MONEY…SHE HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HER HANDS!
This led to the unforgiveable infidelities mentioned in 'stay or go'. I say infidelities because the course taken was firstly to seek to revisit old relationships which led to two incidents of infidelity. Then there was infidelity committed with friends of friends, in conjunction with other friends and also with colleagues she worked with. I knew about some of these by 2007, but decided to try and forgive and move forward positively. The unforgiveable neither insurmountable nor in reality unforgiveable.

Hi and thanks for your site. I love it! I’ve been married going on 3 months but have been with my husband for 2 years prior to marriage. I don’t know where to begin. I feel like I am going crazy and I don’t know what to do. I feel that my husband is a good man but we have a lot of issues to work on. I came from an abusive household but my husband didn’t. we both very bad tempers and there has been a lot of mean words said and physical violence on both of our parts. Whenever we argue my husband always brings up my childhood to deflect what it is that I have a problem with even though I’ve asked him not to do this. For example, he works long hours 6 days a week while I go to school 5 days a week 6 hours a day and do all of the household chores including laundry, cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping , and I always have a hot meal prepared for him when he gets home plus getting up early in the morning to make him breakfast and a lunch for work. He does absolutely nothing but work. On his day off he spend 12-16 hours playing videogames. When I asked him when we would spend time together he told me that he wanted to have fun and was playing the game. I asked if he meant that playing a videogame was more fun than hanging out with me and he said yes. Then he proceeded to put me down for not doing the laundry in a timely manner.

Just for get everything just think about ur kid and become something for ur kid maybe ur husband loves u there might going on something in his mind when his mind is fresh he will come back to u trust him that's all and do something in ur life u can take online classes to become something ur child will be soooo much proud of u if u become something in ur life good luck in ur new life god is with u always

Hi i have been married now for 10 years I was married at 19 My husband and I have 2 great children but that seems like the only thing we have in common anymore. It seems like all we do is fight. I know I love him but not sure if it is a love of a spouse or more like a love of a brother. He works supports me and the girls he doesn’t cheat but has the most awful attitude anymore I don’t know if I want to leave or try and work it out sometimes I feel like i wish he would not come home for work Please help I am so confused

Think about ending things with your boyfriend. How do you feel? If you feel sad and heartbroken, okay. But if you immediately feel a sense of panic like, "But what would I do? Who would I hang out with? Then I'd be the only friend without a boyfriend. Who would buy me a Christmas gift? When would I meet someone new?" that's not okay. That means you're with this person because you don't want to be alone.

This led to the unforgiveable infidelities mentioned in 'stay or go'. I say infidelities because the course taken was firstly to seek to revisit old relationships which led to two incidents of infidelity. Then there was infidelity committed with friends of friends, in conjunction with other friends and also with colleagues she worked with. I knew about some of these by 2007, but decided to try and forgive and move forward positively. The unforgiveable neither insurmountable nor in reality unforgiveable.
No one in his right mind actually wants to argue. You know what's more fun to do with your partner than to argue? Going to see the worst band in the world play outdoors during a hailstorm. Eating undercooked, badly seasoned experimental risotto. Almost anything, really. But in a healthy relationship, your partner will at least listen to what you are saying, rather than just focus on how annoying and repetitive the argument is. It might seem like he's doing you both a favor by cutting your fight short—but it might also mean he just doesn't care enough to figure out what you're really upset about, or to work together toward a solution, so that, possibly, you won't have to have the same annoying, repetitive, truncated argument next week.
In my day to day, you know, get up, shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, go to work… the issues don’t seem overly huge. When it seems all wrong to me is when I have the urge to call my 17 year old and tell her not to go home after school. This is because I haven’t been around him and seen for myself that he’s not in that other part of himself. He was really mean to her one day while I was not at home and I’ve never forgiven myself for not protecting her from that. He apologized to her and we had about 2 weeks apart and she seems okay now but I can’t get it out of my mind.
Dear laurie,i guess i am on the same page as everyone else,,is it over? Ihave married the man of my dreams,so i thought…we have been married for 18y.together for 20y. we have a beautiful daughter,she is 18.was never easy,we had a long distance relation ship in the beggining,moved to other country,money was always an argument..i always worked full time plus taking care of my daughter and house,but i was never good enough,if i resume my 18y of marriage it all comes down to being blaimed for never being good enough.time passed and nothing changes,he puts me down as i am not a good house wife,not a good mother spends all his money,all this and me working 50h a week,i am not a big spender,but in his eyes thats all i do is spend his money,he killed my love for him,over time,i hate him more than i love him.what keep me is the ilusion of being madly in love with the man i meet 20y ago,i love him deeply still.he become bitter and sniky he hydes from me money,goes behind my back cancels aounts,so i get stuck with no money..everytime he does this things i hate him more,all what matters to him is cleaning and money..i care for my daughter that has been thru a lot and just recently stabelize emotionaly..i dont want to break her heart..what do i do?
well me and my husband dated for 4 years before we got married and once we ,arried after a few months he told me he cheated on me with a girl in the same complex his uncle lived in where he stayed weekends drinking ect well i felt he trapped me because id never of married him had he told me before i took my vows well we talked it out even though it hurt me bad we worked through all of it and were doing good well now he is finding every reason to always be gone out walking or at his uncles house he smokes behind my back then lies about it and we fight all the time because of his lies i got married so we can spend time with him share a life but how can you do that when he finds a million reasons to be gone every day it hurts me and i have told him but he says oh im doing better im staying home more now uh no ur not but you cant tell him nothing cuz he is always right and he has bipolar so he flips out on me and a small arguement turns into us fighting physically i finally told him we can fix this ill get a apartment for me and my son and move on because i can sit alone all day by myself i dont need him with me to do that so i am truly feeling at a loss just not sure what to do any more
A year later, I still wake up crying and enraged. Because I moved to another continent for his (what I thought was ) temporary job, I am far from my community of close friends and my family. I have a few good friends here but not like at home. In talking with other single moms, I have chosen to stay out of the court sytem. I will seek a property settlement first and then in a year (at almost 50 years old), try to make it happen to finally GO HOME , with my daughter. And even then, I know it will not be easy. She will be in her mid-teens by then and I will be bringing her up on my own. But, then it will be up to her father to decide what his priorities are. This is not the life I wanted for me, for her, for any of us. I never, never would have done this to him. NEVER!
But if we all get out of our own egos for a little bit and stop defending our worldviews, I ask you: if you had a choice between a partner who was anxious/moody/depressed and one who wasn’t, why would you choose anxious/moody/depressed? When I was feeling that way, believe me, I felt chagrined when women would pull away from me. But now that I’m on the other side, I can completely understand why they did.

If you're not happy with your husband, you might be falling into an emotional affair, making another male the priority in your life. And thanks to today's technology, it's easier than ever to get caught up. "Technology has allowed people who might never risk having any kind of affair to flirt online," says Dr. Wendy M. O'Connor, a licensed marriage, family therapist, relationship coach, and author of Love Addiction: How to Overcome Toxic Relationships & Find Love. "This creates a situation of 'temptation,' and not everything that takes place online stays online. People are bolder when hiding behind a screen, and often click on send without thinking first." If your relationship is already on the rocks, giving yourself to someone else — even if that's only virtually — will only make things worse.
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