The need to protect their loved ones is also the basis for men while the need to be protected is the basis for women. And although modern men no longer have to protect the weaker sex from predators and wild tribes, there are still dangers in our troubled world. Therefore, it is pretty natural that a loving man becomes worried when his second half comes back from work late or is alone in an unfamiliar place. If he cannot be around, then he’ll at least call her and make sure she’s fine. By protecting a woman from threats, whether real or imaginary ones, a man feels like a superhero.
For the next 6 years or so after that, I believe we are doing great. I do notice that he is grumpy and has low energy, etc. So I recommend he get his testosterone checked and get evaluated for clinical depression. He goes for hormones, but no antidepressants. It helps for a while, but 2012 is just a bad year for him it seems. He's getting drunk and staying out more, sometimes not coming home. Getting botox for forehead wrinkles. Worried about thinning hair. I beg him to please seek out further help to no avail.
He always calls me slob and lazy. Its kind of true as I never developed proper cleaning habits but it hurts and I have made sure the place stays clean. Whst really boils my blood is that when I met him he had an illness, wasnt working, but was fully ambulatory. We lived together and he would never lift a finger to do anything! I would come home to squalor and he would ask me what was for dinner. My mother would come over and ask me wht was the place a mess when all my husband did was sit at home and play videogames. It was so embarrassing.
If your partner is suddenly argumentative, it might be due to excessive stress at work, or a side effect of their depression or anxiety. But it could also be due to their unhappiness. "When a partner is unhappy and can’t find a way out of the relationship, they will turn to creating a problem that isn’t there," relationship expert Lori Bizzoco tells Bustle. "Your partner may try picking fights over little things and making a big deal out of them."
I have asked my husband how best we can end it (without affecting teh kids too much) and he has ingorned my requests. I have also spoken with him and assured him that the kids and I will be fine without him – I have told him that I release him from his wedding vows – that I want him to go off and find someone to be happy with (I really want to see him happy – just not with me) and STILL he wont go. I know life is convenient here for him as his laundry and cooking is done. If I stop cooking for him, that would be mean-spirited of me (espeically in front of the kids) – – its not even as if our meals are family time as he comes to teh table, opens a newspaper or book and reads anyway. he has never been emotionally available for any of us. I have had enough and cant see a way of ending it! (He of course, thinks I am derraanged and that it is a ‘control’ game – he thinks that I am withholding sex as a kind of punsishment) – i feel I cannot just have sex with strangers!
Me and my husband have been together for almost five years but we have only been married for 6 months. We have a 3 year old and a newborn together. For some reason this pregnancy that I just recently went throuh was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It seems like right when I got pregnant and right when we got married he just started going out and like always hunting all of a sudden when I needed him the most. Everything I say seems to be wrong, he gets defensive no matter what it’s like everyone is out to get him but really everyone is just trying to help him. He drinks every single day and thinks he has no problem, my daughter loves him dearly but I just think I am only staying here for her sake and I know that I should be happy too. I am not sexuall attracted to him what so ever anymore because all he ever does is drink beer and not work half the time and never helps with anything around the house. I am just so done with it all and eveyone I know thinks that I am crazy for even being here at all anymore. I am just so scared of raising two kids on my own because I just feel like I will fail them and it is not their fault that their father doesn’t want to do the right thing and that’s why I am so scared and confuse when it comes to making that final decision. Ugh it is just so hard I am in my twenties and just feel so helpless!!!!

Sometimes, we offer help in a way we think would feel helpful for us, when really, our partner might need something completely different. For example, offering to give your partner space to process their unhappiness might be the opposite of what they'd like; they may want company. The point here is to ask how they would like to be supported and to do that.
Recently my husband and I have brought some issues to light. We have been together 13 years, married 12. We were young and I had a 3 mo old daughter when we met. I fell in love with him because of the way he was with her. Recently, in a very relaxed conversation, he reveiled to me that he “thinks this sounds bad” but he believes he fell in love with me becuase of her. I dont have a problem with that. But now he thinks he loves me very much but isnt in love with me anymore. Personally, I dont know the difference. He says he loves me every night before we go to bed, and every morning before he leaves for work, as well as every time we talk on the phone, before he hangs up. And if I say it to him when around the house, he always says it back. He usually kisses me good night and good bye. So I think there is love there, and after so many years of being together you just fall into a rut. But…….. there are problems and I am not sure, when put all together, if I should be worried. He has always had this thing with joining dating sites online. He says he is just looking and that you have to become a memeber to see them. He says he doesnt get attention very often and it’s nice to see if someone responds. That he never returns their messages and would never act upon it. He has acutally kept this very open with me. From the beginning. I truly do understand where he is coming from. In my line of work, I am with guys all the time. So there is attention. I share all these stories with him so that he doesnt think I am hiding anything. I have never done anything inappropriate with anymore, nor have i wanted to. He is the only guy I have wanted in that way since I have been with him. In his line of work, there is no one else to give him this attention. WE all like to feel that we are still desireable and I know how that feeling lacks after being in the same relationship for years. But lately, I have had an issue with it and when I try to talk to him about it, he tells me (now mind you very calmly and never upset with me about it) that he never ever as any intention of acting upon it, it’s just nice to feel like someone is flirting with you. He is a very good looking guy and gets flirted with when we go out but he doesnt notice it. So I really do understand that need and want. Plus he reminds me that we made an agreement in the beginning that if either one of us felt things were moving towards a path that we were going to be unfaithful, then out of respect, we owed it to the other party to tell them beforehand. (He had been cheated on a few times prior to me and it really hurt him) Then I feel bad for bringing it up. But then he points out the fact that I need to start doing my own thing. We have 3 kids and i do absolutely everything for them. They are each very involved in school activities and friends and I never tell them no. So between running them around and my work I feel unappreciated and taken for granted. He says that if I had a few female friends that I could go out with and get away from the house I would feel better. That my life is not the kids and him, that I need time for myself. That i have become bitter and some people that he introduces me to read in my body language that I dont want to be there and so later on he feels embarassed and he apologizes to them for that impression and tells them that I am really not that way, that I am a very nice person, just hard to get to know. He does have a point. I only define myself as his wife and their mother. I have nothing else. And it is my own fault, I have made it that way. He says he thinks I am miserable and just dont know it. I think he has a point. But then here comes the fact that right now, becuase of everythign else, i am dealing with some real insecurity issues. I dont feel any emotion from him lately. I have tried to initiate being intimate these past few nights, with nothing but cuddling from him. I end up crying myself to sleep. I ask, if he really isnt interested and he says he really is just very tired. He recently got promoted at his job, so he leaves at 4:30 in the morning and gets home anywhere from 7:30-11:00 at night. He is exhausted and I can see it, becuase he sits on the couch within the first 5 mins of being home and falls asleep before the kids get a chance to tell him how their day was. He says that I am making a little thing into a big thing lately because I am being so emotional. Which is not like me. We use to joke that we had a really different kind of relationship. We werent really mushy, we joked in what othes would think would be mean ways. We use to tell people we had a love hate relationship. That we love to hate each other, but then we would laugh and he would kiss me and they knew it just worked for us. He had such a hard up bringing that he doesnt get very emotional, it’s almost like a wall. And i was ok with that until recently. It seems like he hasnt changed the way he treats me, but I see it now as a lack of emotion. That I am making subtle hints that I just need him to come up behind me and hug me, just to show me he’s still there, but he doesnt notice this. I want to talk to him but feel like I am beating a dead horse (for lack of a better term). We’ve never really had communication problems so I dont know why it is so difficult for me to talk to him now. I dont knwo why I feel so insecure now. I think if i just felt like i had some reassurance on his part. And when I brought that up the other night, he said, “I come home to year every night. I love you and the kids. I just want you to stop being so derogatory on the outside. Show what’s on the inside.” He even said that maybe he has started to pull away a bit becuase he sometimes doesnt know what kind of mood I am going to be in. and that does push him away sometimes. He does have a point there. He is the kind of guy that is always perkey, the glass is always half full with him. He says things are uncontrolable and you just have to go with the flow. I tease and call him a con artist sometimes, because he always seems to have everyone eating out of the palm of his hands. And I other the other hand, am the pessimistic one. I always prepare for the worse so that I wont be let down. Always been that way. But now it seems to be causing a drift between us. I feel I really need to change this behavior or I will loose him but on the same token, i dont want to feel like I have to change all of me to make him fall in love with me again. I dont feel I am the only one that has things to work on. And when this was all brought up, there was no yelling and he wasnt mean. I was crying, of course, because I didtn know he felt those things, and all I wanted was a hug but that didnt come. A year or two ago I wouldnt have thought anything of it, that’s just him, always has been. But now i feel like I really need the emotion. But it’s not fair to ask him to change. I need to know what I can do to change this, to make my marriage strong again. To make me believe that he still loves me. I want to feel that he isnt just around becuase of the kids, that he wants to be with me. Does it sound like our marriage is over? Does there look like there is any hope? What can I do to help to change things? How can I talk to him without feeling sick to bring it up? How can I get us back to where we were a few years ago? Is there any hope for us? I love him very much and am becoming sick imagining him leaving me. He hasnt said he is or wants to, but from some comments lately, I think he is just content and I want him to be happy. Does that mean I have to let him go?
"People do not experience love in the same way, and if you're not speaking your partner's 'love language', that can result in great unhappiness. Dr. Gary Chapman detailed the five different love languages to help couples learn and speak the language of their spouse — those languages are quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gift giving. Learning to speak a partners' love language has saved many marriages." —Kim Olver, relationship coach and author of Secrets of Happy Couples
Sure, it would be nice every once in a while, but realize that men are wired differently than us. What we are thinking in our head that he should do is almost always not what he is going to do. Realize that all those romantic movies are most likely written by women. Don't let your expectations exceed your reality because you've been watching too many romantic comedies and reading too many books.
hi my name is Penelope i been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he said i dont know if i want to be with you anymore it made me upset but i have to repeated it i have to move on it going to be hard on the both of us but it for the best i know that i loved him so much and we cared for each other and we did everything together we going to have our memorise together we had so much fun been together and i will always love him and care for each other but we Can still be friends and love each other as friends and care for each other i will always love you Daniel forever and always
My husband is a really great guy and father, unless your married to him. Friends, family members, hell, the person down the street gets more priority in the line of importance than I do. We have never been on a honeymoon, or go out of town together. I can count the number of times we have gone out to eat together on one hand, and that includes before our son was born. He is now 5. I have come to the conclusion that he must be embarressed to be seen with me or something. I have stayed married for our son, but I have finally decided that I am finished. I am going to file for legal seperation next month and move on with my life. I am pretty sure that there is someone out there who may actually aknowlege that I exist. If not, I would rather be lonely by myself, than be lonely with my husband sitting next to me.
Christine, I think you are mixing apples with oranges on this one.  It is not that the person has a flaw, physical or mental, it is that they are the ones responsible for seeking their own treatment.  I do not think telling someone you love “you need to get help with this because it is destroying us” is abandoning anyone.  It is asking them to take responsibility for their own health and well being.  When we are dealing with adults, we cannot “get them to a doctor”.  We can suggest, we can recommend, we can even beg or plead….but we cannot “make” them do anything. 
Speak at length about your history of successful relationships prior to this one.  Expound about how self-actualized you are due to your six months of therapy in the college counseling center ten years ago.  I mean, you showed up to at least half the appointments.  Except over summer break.  You have even read some stuff about relationships on the internet.  So, you know it’s not you that is at fault for your unhappiness, unless you’re “too nice.”  It is him that is to blame, entirely.  Bring this point home using a loud voice and some well placed finger pointing, so he has no doubt about his complete responsibility for 100% of your dissatisfaction.  You should only have to sit back and wait now.  The handwritten letter expressing his sorrow and regret for unilaterally ruining the marriage should be forthcoming tomorrow.
See if they take your requests seriously. If they don't make continued effort over a period of a month. Ask them if they have decided that they cannot or will not make an investment in the way you have asked for. If they say yes, then ask if there was some misunderstanding or information they lacked to make progress. If they say yes then revisit that discussion. If no (or if that lack has been addressed) then ask them if there is something they would like to tell you about their needs that perhaps you might not be meeting (remember this is key: you want to raise the standard of your relationship not of one partner’s relational skill set).
We can't all have flat stomachs and perfectly applied makeup at all times. But, you can do simple things for him (and yourself) to show him your beauty. Sometimes marriages can put us in a rut, and we no longer think it's necessary to look nice for our spouse. Brush your teeth, take a shower, and leave the ratty sweatpants in the drawer. Do yoga when you can, wear your favorite little sundress, and flaunt what you have! Your husband will likely return the favor and make himself look amazing!
If they can't sit through a conversation about their intentions and goals, it might mean that they're not willing to commit to you or they don't envision the same kind of future that you do. This is totally fine, but you shouldn't be planning a future around someone who doesn't want a similar one, especially because, according to science, the clock is ticking.
Try to determine the cause of your boyfriend’s mood. Ask him if he had a bad day at work, a fight with a friend or if he lost something important to him. Learning the cause behind his mood is the first step to dealing with it. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t want to talk. He may not answer, but just asking shows him that you care and gives him an invitation to talk when he’s ready.

I recently told my husband of a little over a year (we’ve been togehter 5 years total and have a 2 year old together) that I wanted a seperation. I’m not happy with our marriage and I havn’t been for a long time I don’t believe we should ever have gotten married but at the same time I love him and I’m so scared that I will change my mind. I work full time, go to school full time and take care of our daughter most of the time while he works at a restuarant as a server about 20-25 hours a week making little to know money (and he’s 6 years older). I’m tired of not only carrying the financial burden but of nothing being good enough. Nothing I do seems to be right for him I don’t clean or cook enough. We also are barely ever itimate I’m in my early 20’s and would like to have regular intercourse with my husband and it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have to beg him to be with me and even when we are he acts like it’s a treat. I’m so scared that somehow he will talk me into staying with him (b/c he can not support himself), but on the other hand he is the father of my child and I don’t want to abandon him to be homeless (he has no family here). I just don’t know where to draw the line? When does it become him taking advantage of me? and how do I prevent him from talking me into staying especially when I KNOW that it would be bad?
"A common cause of unhappiness in a relationship is making assumptions about what one's partner is saying. For instance, one partner may say something as innocuous as 'I'm feeling lazy today.' The other partner will then give a number of suggestions so that she doesn't feel lazy. 'You can go to the gym. Or, you mentioned you wanted to go get some fabric for a new quilt. You could do that.' Meanwhile, the first partner feels misunderstood. The only way to clear up assumptions is to discuss them." —Janet Zinn, licensed social worker and psychotherapist

Hey Karina, was wondering how things are. Just curious, can you tell me what your ethnicity is? And if others can mention their ethnicity and their partners’ ethnicity. I’m Mexican, and I’m wondering how relationships are across races, and don’t want to generalize when having conversations about it, without getting some feedback from real individuals in struggling relationships to see if ethnicity plays a factor along with culture, upbringing and social class.
OK, so I'm not saying your partner is picking up new hobbies because they're unhappy. It's 100 percent healthy to have side projects, and to do things alone. You might want to worry, however, if it seems like they're using these hobbies as a way of escaping the relationship. "If they are not finding happiness in your relationship, they will try finding it in other aspects of their life," Bizzoco says. And that's not OK.
Remember when you and your husband first starting dating? You were the carefree woman who laughed and flirted? Life's stress can really take a toll on a relationship, and sometimes we forget to laugh. Flirt with your husband. Tell stupid jokes. Reminisce about funny things that happened. Life can't always be fun and games, but let it be sometimes. Keep the humor going between the two of you and keep things funny and fun.
When your husband is feeling under the weather, take care of him. Don't make fun of him because he's acting like a baby. Most likely, he is acting like a baby, but let him know you are there for him. Make him his favorite meal, go to the store to get medicine, and let him watch his favorite TV show. In the same respect, if he is just having a crappy day, give him his space and let him know that you are there for him if he needs you.

My boyfriend of almost 4 years just broke up with me again, he says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and it hurts so bad. I keep begging him cause I think it will help cause he does this alot it’s been a few month since the last time though that why I keep trying to hard to help us cause we also have a 2 years old boy and I’m now 35 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. It hurts so much and I really have no body to talk to besides family which is nice cause there always there for me but when he finally decides he wants me which usually takes about a week or so for him to eventually say to come back home. It’s so hard for me cause I’m only 18 and I have been with him since 15. It’s so hard because I feel like I have nothing besides our kids which he’s been saying he’s going to take them from me too. I have no money or a job I just feel like I have nothing, and I’ll have e to move back to my grandmother’s house which isn’t so fit for our kids to live but I will do what I have to do, it’s so hard too cause I also have his family saying that I should stay and not run away and I want too but how can I stay when he don’t want me anymore I keep trying but there’s no point when he tells me to leave him alone and he’s already adding other females and I don’t know if he’s talking to them everyone tells me to leave him alone but it’s probably been about 3 hours since I’ve tried to take to him about us. I love him and it’s so hard but I’m gonna try to take this advice which I usually what I do when he does break up with me but this time I don’t want to stop trying because I’m so close to giving birth and I just don’t want to give up so easily anymore

"Time delays between the time you send a message or leave a voicemail seem to get longer when one of you is not as thrilled with the relationship as they once were," he says. If you're just super busy, or jet-setting, don't fret so much, he adds. "This doesn’t apply to those with jobs or travel that make regular conversations difficult, but you can definitely tell when a pattern of detachment is beginning." Time for a chat.
"A common cause of unhappiness in a relationship is making assumptions about what one's partner is saying. For instance, one partner may say something as innocuous as 'I'm feeling lazy today.' The other partner will then give a number of suggestions so that she doesn't feel lazy. 'You can go to the gym. Or, you mentioned you wanted to go get some fabric for a new quilt. You could do that.' Meanwhile, the first partner feels misunderstood. The only way to clear up assumptions is to discuss them." —Janet Zinn, licensed social worker and psychotherapist
Many women stay in relationships longer than they should because they tend to put the needs of others before their own. And since women often naturally take on the role of caretakers, they can lose parts of their own identity — and a sense of their own needs — in the process. "In order to face her relationship unhappiness, a woman needs to stop distracting herself by putting other people's needs ahead of her own," says Gadoua. "Doing this can be a way of avoiding her own painful truth." So if you find yourself getting unnecessarily involved in a fight between your mother and sister, or you're always rushing around trying to make other people's lives easier, it might be time to take a hard look at your own relationship.
×