The question of how to make your husband happy obviously isn't an easy one to answer. It's going to differ from person to person. You need to begin by trying to determine what it is that is at the root of his sadness. Obviously talking with him is the route to take but you need to be mindful of how you approach this subject. Simply sitting down with your spouse and asking him point blank why he's sad, isn't the best way. He'll likely tell you that he's fine and won't share anything with you. The reason men do this is quite simple. They don't like emotional confrontations and if part of their discontent is connected to you, they know that you'll react strongly. That's why you need to be more approachable, and understanding when it comes to sharing feelings. Show your husband that you want to be accepting and helpful. When he does share small details about his day with you, don't take offense if they involve you. Listen attentively and then tell him that you're grateful he was so honest and that you want to learn from your mistakes.
As a matter of fact he almost has. I mean, read your own words, ” Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?”. Self esteem issues dear. Yours is at a dangerously low level and he knows it. He’s using it against you. You need to dump that weasel and start working on your self esteem. Make sure that it doesn’t depend on how other people treat you. Once you achieve that no one will ever play you like this again and get away with it.
Thank you for this. I think that is my problem. I have looked for everything that is wrong. I am going to do my best to hold my high and just keep pushing until I can do better. I am just angry with myself for over looking the signs with I first started dating my husband. I guess I need to forgive myself for believing in him. For giving him the benefit of the doubt.
If you think they're at a loss for words, you can always spur the conversation or turn it into some sort of game. The key is interest, not so much the content or the topic. Seriously, it can be something that seems really boring, but as research has pointed out, "couples build intimacy through hundreds of very ordinary, mundane moments in which they attempt to make emotional connections." You've got to build somehow, even if it is just by asking someone's favorite color.

My husband says he is not happy is something that many wives find themselves saying after they've been married for a time. When you love a man and he confesses to you that he's unhappy it puts you in a very difficult situation. Naturally you're going to wonder about what his next move will be. Whenever a husband feels unfulfilled in his marriage, separation and eventually divorce is going to be a constant threat. It's incredibly difficult to live in a situation like this where you're never really sure of what his intentions are. If you truly love your spouse and you want to keep your relationship together, you can make that happen. In fact, you actually have the ability to create a stronger, more loving connection with your husband.
I guess I am not the only one. He cheated on me multiple times. He kept texting other girls but wont text me. I saw a girl dressing up in his bedroom on his phone but he told me a friend visited with his girlfriend and they took his phone. I had to believe him because I love him. He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?
Reading all in an effort to know how to talk to an adult daughter. She said she was diagnosed with chronic low grade depression. Sometimes it is hard to be around her. She finds slights where there are none. One of her brothers said he does't know how to act around her, that it is like walking on eggshells. She throws a lot of "nasties" at me; thinks it is ok to criticize me in front of others, etc. Mostly, I have not responded but since I low my youngest son, her behavior overwhelms me. Lately, it has gotten to the "straw that broke the camel's back". I would like to sit her down and tell her how this affects me but am concerned how that would in turn affect her. We all hurt since I lost my son. He was a loving, affectionate, kind person; it is as we lost the sunshine coming into a room. Saying that because I think that is affecting my former tolerance. Any good advise out there? Thanks.
My husband has been struggling for a while now. Probably a couple of years that I know of. I told him that if he needed to take some time away from his regular life to try and figure things out for himself, I would support him in that. Well....he thanked me and found a place to stay next month. Alone. He will still go to work, but be away from all other aspects of his routine home life.
Nothing makes a man ready to listen to how dissatisfied you are like hearing how your friend Jessica’s husband takes care of the kids every Saturday for the whole afternoon while she trains for a triathlon.  Obviously he will commiserate with you over the injustice that Jessica, who despite her athleticism is not even that hot, has a better husband than you have.  He might even be so overcome with sympathy that he walks directly out of the house.  Don’t worry, I’m sure he is headed to buy you flowers to make up for his stupidity and selfishness.
I guess I am not the only one. He cheated on me multiple times. He kept texting other girls but wont text me. I saw a girl dressing up in his bedroom on his phone but he told me a friend visited with his girlfriend and they took his phone. I had to believe him because I love him. He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?
My husband says he is not happy is something that many wives find themselves saying after they've been married for a time. When you love a man and he confesses to you that he's unhappy it puts you in a very difficult situation. Naturally you're going to wonder about what his next move will be. Whenever a husband feels unfulfilled in his marriage, separation and eventually divorce is going to be a constant threat. It's incredibly difficult to live in a situation like this where you're never really sure of what his intentions are. If you truly love your spouse and you want to keep your relationship together, you can make that happen. In fact, you actually have the ability to create a stronger, more loving connection with your husband.
Try to give your husband the attention and intimacy he needs on a daily basis. Be aware of the danger signs of a cheating husband and nip it fast in the bud. You must be willing to invest in a system that will teach you how to handle conflicts in your marriage in a healthy and safe manner. Some women will stop to talk to their husbands over a simple argument. Some even talk to their husbands using injurious and abusive words.
That sounds way easier than it was. It was hard. It was agonizing to walk away from a relationship that brought so much happiness, peace and contentment in my life. It’s hard to give up those dreams I had with my ex: the children I was going to have, the life we were going to lead. I come from a family with a depressed parent, and it was HARD for me to break my pattern of “caretaking” and co-dependency and taking on all the responsibility. I feel sad to lose someone I love, angry at him and myself, guilty for “abandoning” my boyfriend. And yet I’ve seen up close from my own parents what Julia is 1.1 says:  if they can’t take responsibility and take care of themselves, there’s little hope of having a functional relationship until they do. And I’ve done so much work to get to a happy, contented point in my life that I can’t give that up now, just to hold onto a relationship that isn’t meeting my needs.
The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
Im 22 years old and have a pne month old baby boy. After moving in with my now husband, I found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker even before I was pregnant. When I confronted him hr first denied it until I showed him proof. I love him very much. His son and me need him. I dont want my child to not grow up without his dad. If it was just me I would of left. But im thinking about what is best for my son. After we talked about it we said we would try to make it work. I thought he would stop but I catch him lying to me and getting out to go see her. I went through his phone and saw that he tells her he loves her and hates having to leave each other. She tells him that she hates knowing that he comes home to me. I love him but I feel so hurt about everything especially after the fat that we have a son now. We had made so many plans that im am soo confused and not sure of his feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He says that the fire in our relationship is not there or the love like when we meet 2years ago. I dont know what to do or how to make our relationship work. How do I bring tjat intimacy back into our relationship. Im not talking about sex but emotionally.

Hi i have been married now for 10 years I was married at 19 My husband and I have 2 great children but that seems like the only thing we have in common anymore. It seems like all we do is fight. I know I love him but not sure if it is a love of a spouse or more like a love of a brother. He works supports me and the girls he doesn’t cheat but has the most awful attitude anymore I don’t know if I want to leave or try and work it out sometimes I feel like i wish he would not come home for work Please help I am so confused
We’ve talked about this when he is okay again. I’ve told him that he is unpredictable when he is that way. I’ve told him I can not and will not live this way and neither will the kids. Once he gets the whatever it is out of his system, he’s right as rain. He acts like nothing ever happened. I feel like he has been trying to do better, but now there are other issues.
"Each partner should be able to find three things they are grateful for each day about their partner and share it with them. Whether it's gratitude for working hard, cleaning up the house, or taking care of the children, complimenting your loved one leads to increased positivity in the relationship. If they can't think of three things, this is a red flag they are unhappy."  —Kimberly Hershenson, individual and couples therapist based in NYC
A Marriage Repaired: You can take on your marriage, improve yourself, deal with your children; or look realistically at divorce. There is dignity in making it work. And, there’s dignity in starting fresh for the right reasons. Take a look at Harville Hendrix or John Gottman's work on rehabilitating a marriage. For many, it can be done. Take an active role.
“It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are struggling with, but research suggests that couples who can manage to stay together usually end up happier down the road than couples who divorce,” writes Dr. Deborah Hecker on Should You Divorce or Save Your Marriage? “If partners choose to invest in their relationship and make needed changes instead of repeating their mistakes, they might be able to avoid an unnecessary divorce. And if they do finally decide to divorce, their personal work in couples therapy might increase their chance of a successful marriage next time.”
If your partner allows himself to publicly humiliate you and laughs at your failures, do not expect anything good from such a relationship. Such a partner doesn’t respect you, and a strong and reliable union is impossible without respect. By criticizing you with other people, he unconsciously tries to prove to others (and himself) that it’s your fault that he stopped loving you.
Cheer up Jan, this one is for sure! One day you are going to laugh about this!!! ;0) You are not a victim, you guys lost in translation. :0) If he gets sexual with you, then this is the minimum that he should come clean and tell you why all this weird behavior from a newly wed husband? It’s not fair, and you feel that. Do you feel that he is dishonest? If sex is so amazing what drives him out from your warm bed? All you can do to be honest to him from your heart, find the right time moment, you can’t force nature, after you think and feel you have tried everything and still he is not changing or responding to your wonderfulness, then you have to decide how healthy it is for you to stay in this relationship. If this doesn’t work for you, then why not close this chapter and start a new one with beautiful shiny white papers, you are the star! The story is in your head and in your heart …Imagine your perfect life and allow yourself to feel that amazing feeling, be there, feel it and you manifest it. Stop worrying, what do you have to loose? A not working relationship whatever should the outcome be. I wish you happiness. All the best.A
He resents you for having an affair. Plain and simple. It appears he is avoiding dealing with these feelings, which is leading him more and more into a downward spiral. The fact that he moved out, is indicative that he is involved with someone else (there's no reason he would need to move out to be depressed, he can do that at home). He needs to see a therapist, and start dealing with these issues instead of avoiding them.
We all know that an affair do not start without a reason. It usually starts when your marriage is lacking something. To stop your husband from having an affair and save your marriage, you must ensure you meet his sexual and emotional needs. Do not make him desire sexual intimacy and pleasure from another woman because of your lack of energy, creativity and spontaneity.
My husband and I have been together since we were 17. Things haven’t always been good. We have had a lot of challenges in life. We were teen parents and then got pregnant again with twins and lost one. My husband has been unfaithful since we got together 6 years ago. It isn’t a one time occurance. He has cheated on me 7 times in the last 6 years. We got married in 2011 and he has cheated on me twice since then with the same girl. After the first time he said he realized what he wanted and that he knew nothing was worth losing what he had. But, he cheated on me again with her. We were very sexually active until i found out the first time, then we just started having sex again when i found out about the second time. I am very confused about everything. He says he wants to be here, and that i am all he wants and he will prove himself to me. But, things have changed drastically. When we first decided to work things out he was sweet, always wanted to be close kissing me and wanting to please me and telling me constantly that he will prove himself. Now, he doesn’t tell me that this is where he wants to be or show me that he is happy. We recently celebrated our anniversary and i got him a card and told him how much i appreciate him and that i am glad he is my husband. He on the other had got me nothing and didn’t act like it was anything special. I have asked him to go to counseling but he tells me that he refuses to and if thats what it takes to fix our marriage then he is leaving. I have already told him that if he cheats again it’s over. I don’t know what to think about our marriage.
A couple weeks back my boyfriend of 4 years dumped me because he was so unhappy. I didn’t notice any differences in behavior. If anything he was doing the same sorts of things he always did. And was loving and sweet to me! But he’d switch between saying “unhappy with us” and “I’m unhappy with myself” for the reasoning to end it. We had some issues and less than pleasant times but I feel that’s any couple. I think real love is being understanding and supportive of each other and what the other needs, how each other is. A mature relationship and people in general should be able to talk if there are certain feelings. He’d let his feelings of unhappiness remain without openly talking much, and also push them aside actually. Because he’d tell me he’d act or “force” himself to do things couples do. And that’s not right either. People need to be able to speak of things and how they really feel. But that does take two people! If a man is set on his unhappiness and wanting to be alone or with out you, despite what you could ever offer him, it’s not you.
If your partner is pulling away, they will tend to go out alone more than they used to, New York–based relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. Keep your ear to the ground, she advises. "Whenever you see a change in behavior, something is up. And when that change excludes you, your partner is either planning you a surprise party, or, more likely, spending time away from you because he’s not happy when he’s with you in the way that he wants to be." Again, talk about it before it's too late.
My marriage has had lots of ups and downs, my husband and I seem not to be able to understand each other, at times we fight over things that blow out into huge fights. We aren’t capable of communicating in a good way, he will reproach me that i am not direct and getting angry for nothing while i tell him that he isn’t doing his fair share in the conflict cause he turns his back and leave.. I take it as an offense because he is ignoring me..
I would have gone to the ends of the earth for this man and stayed forever, if he had been willing to work on his issues.  But in the end, you cannot force a grown man to do that if that is not what they want for themselves.  Should you subject yourself to yet more emotional torture and hurt whilst they spiral ever downwards?  What is the use of two people’s lives being destroyed? Very often it is the tough love in this world that has motivated those people to get help and improve, not the silent suffering of those they love.  Moreover, I don’t believe people with serious issues necessarily want to hurt those close to them – so I actually think calling a halt to the madness can be a kindness for all.
If you’re married to a good man and you’re unhappy – or bored, unfulfilled, grumpy – the problem isn’t your husband. You already know that he’s not the reason you’re unhappy. You know your marriage is fine, if not the most exciting relationship on earth. You know there’s something more to life, but you can’t put your finger on it. So, you look to the most important person in your life for answers: your husband.
In defense of Steve, I would say practical advice depends very much on personal circumstances. I identify totally with the sentiments of the article but I’m in no way like “Kevin”. I know my default happiness is internal, but my ways of reconnecting to it will be different to Kevin. The men’s work you do depends on who you are and how far you are from where you want to be.
My ex-husband had a long term affair with a woman from work for several years. He had a baby with another women when we were only married for two years. He never cooked or cleaned until a coworker started cooking lunch for me, after 20 years of marriage, no matter how often I asked him. Then he accused me of having an affair with the coworker who prepared lunch for me and told all of our friends that I was having an affair. He put antifreeze in the water bottle I keep in the refrigerator to drink after my walk. When I confronted him he grabbed the water bottle out of my hand and the antifreeze and left the house. When he came back he did not have my water bottle or the antifreeze and told me no one would ever believe me. Many times I received calls from work or from his sister wondering where he was and lecturing me on how he was being irresponsible by consistently being absent when he was supposed to be there. He never gave me or the kids a gift for Christmas or our birthdays and charged lingerie from Victoria Secrets to our joint account. He also took all the money saved from our 20 year marriage and put in a his own personal account. He took the money from our brokerage account as well and I was unable to find it. He took all the money from our kids college funds and spent it. I would say these were pretty good signs that the marriage was over before it even started. It was a shame it took me 20 years to wise up.
We’ve been married 8 years. Suddenly his dreams switch 180 and I’m to blame when they don’t come true. From wanting to settle down and be a farmer now he suddenly wants to become an Evangelist, with us having 5 kids in tow. Now I am a very religious woman, but this 180 has sent me for a loop. All we’ve talked about is having our own place, and now he tells me that this has always been his dream and I’m holding him back. I can make it without him, but I feel like I owe it to the kids to keep going. There are times I don’t want to even look at him, and times I want to show him the door. I know marriage isn’t based on love, it’s a commitment between two people. But I’m tired of being blamed for everything going wrong in our lives, and I’m tired of our kids seeing how he treats me. Do I think our marriage is over? Yeah, it’s been over quite a while. Am I gonna hang for the kids? Yeah, gonna do that too. See, what some of you don’t get is that after you have kids, it’s not about you anymore. They didn’t ask to be created, to be born, but here they are. It’s not about how you feel or he feels or she feels, it’s about how can you get along together for the kids sake. Maybe separate bedrooms or even something more than that, but the kids come first in a marriage. Your life is not your own anymore. Grow up, grow a set, get over it and get on with life. The kids are the most important thing, not anything else.
"Can you recall a time when you weren't feeling like your best self or perhaps a time when you were questioning whether you should stay or flee, hide or speak up?" Chelsea Leigh Trescott, a breakup coach, told INSIDER. "Start there. It will show your significant other that there is no shame to be feeling how they are feeling, and it will offer them hope that hey can bounce back."
1. Make your partner a priority: Take time often to let your boyfriend or hubby know how special he is to you. We get that life gets super busy; school, jobs, kids, and other commitments often get in the way. Taking time out of your day to send a sweet text or pick up his favorite snack on the way home is a simple way to remind him he’s always on your mind.
As women, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in raising kids, supporting our husbands, and running our homes-not to mention our careers outside the home! So many of us feel like we don’t even know who we are anymore!  We get bored with the monotony of our lives and start to wonder what else is out there for us. We start to crave excitement and adventure. We wonder what life might have been like if we had stayed single or married someone else.
Just adding my 2cents… My 19yr old marriage has had a fork in it for quite some time. I’d gotten to a point of marital ambivalence and realized I was never going to love him and I’d never have the relationship I wanted with him. I was young and insecure when I dove into an extremly verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. I spent over 10yrs meeting his needs and doing what I was told. (take my boots off, get me another plate of food, why can’t you keep this house clean you skanky B…, Your wortless piece of sh**) It was pretty bad for me and the kids. But I believe a person can change if they want to bad enough. And I believe he’s in the process of real and permanent change but I could care less. I checked out emotionally a very long time ago with no desire to check back in. The bullet has left the gun but my finger is still on the trigger.
The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
Thank you for your article, there are so many questions that go through your head when you are contemplating divorce. Your article put a lot of things into perspective for me. After 26 years of marriage to a really good man, I'm just not sure I love him the way I should anymore and I think he is equally feeling the distance between us. I truly thought he was my forever (if that even exists) and it is so hard to make that final decision to leave. Addictions are the biggest problem, gaming, pornography, etc. and it is really the emotional emptiness that hurts the most. Trying to understand why someone becomes so addicted to things (so easily) is frustrating for me. I've tried to listen and understand his problem, but it just seems like a weakness more than an illness to me. For anyone going through this, I feel empathy, it is honestly the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life--and I haven't even filed for divorce yet. Thanks again for the article.
My husband and i have been married for just over a year. I recently told him that i feel emotionally empty and more like we are good friends than husband and wife. He said he feels the same way. He got very angry and hasn’t talked to me much in a couple days. We haven’t been intimate in quite a while, like a couple weeks. I don’t know how to fix this and make him talk to me again. He wont tell me he loves me. Recently he made a new female friend at work. It makes me very uncomfortable. He assures me that they are just friends, but i have a hard time believing him. He works night shift and hasn’t been coming home on his lunches (he used to every night). He says he just sleeps in his car or takes a drive, but again im not sure if i believe it. I miss him terribly and i want everything to be good again. I just dont know if he is trying to distance himself from me, or if i just need to give him space and let him talk when he is ready. I dont know if its normal to feel disconnected through the first year or so of marriage. I have heard it is the hardest. He has always been wonderful to me. He is a very nice person. Im afraid that my feelings of emptyness were based on something temporary and i just hurt him by saying what i did. I just need advice!

If you really want to keep your boyfriend happy, keep your word. Just as we like men to do what they say, they like us to do so too. Call when you say you will, show up on time, and don’t stand him up. If you blow him off or forget to follow through with things, it will make you look like you don’t care and make you look irresponsible, because all he has to go by is your actions.


As completely freaked out and scared as I was, I immediately began talking to a few close women friends. I opened a bank account in my own name and had all of my pay checks deposited there and I made arrangements for my daughter and I to stay with a friend for a few weeks while I looked for place to live. I live in a city that is one of the most expensive places in the world so was very concerned I would not be able to afford an apartment for my daughter and I, but eventually got something but every year I am confronted with rent increases and increasing utility bills – so, the current sitation is not sustainable. I asked for and got a promotion at work. I applied for government help as a single parent and get a little bit every two weeks.
Two things occurred to me while reading your story. One is that you have to remember that your husband is a man, not a little boy. You need to let go of the need to take care of him. He’s not your child, and he will deal with your leaving the best way he knows how. You can’t control how he’ll cope — and it’s not your job to make life as smooth as possible for him! Your job is to make the best decision for you and your marriage. And sometimes the best decisions are the most painful.

If you are in a relationship, it’s really important to learn how to tell if your boyfriend is not happy. Often, unhappiness turns into anger and resentment and in the long term, it can really damage your relationship. Just watch out for all those signs that indicate you that your partner is unhappy, so you’ll be able to save your relationship and even increase the intimacy in it. Because men do not excel at expressing themselves openly, try to look for signs of discontent, so you’ll be able to work on those issues and solve them. Here are a few helpful tips on how to tell if your boyfriend is not happy:


I dated this girl once who was very into verbal jousting – you know that thing you do where you tease each other, even nonsensically, before you kiss? The problem was, she liked to keep going and I would have to have a riposte for every cute little jibe. Then she would respond with something else and I would have to have yet another comeback, and it would go on like this. I found the game exhausting, but she got off on it. We didn’t last very long, but I guess she needed to find someone who could “keep up” as Evan puts it.

6. Trust him: We know rom-coms taught you that men are incompetent horndogs who turn into drooling cavemen around even mildly attractive women, but please remember to respect your partner’s intelligence by not falling for this shit. Do not hound him about his cute co-worker, neighbor, or friend. Insecurity is a major boner-shrinker, and unwarranted lecturing, snooping, and accusing are sure to get you nowhere. If you have any legitimate concerns about cheating, a respectful and honest conversation is usually the best place to start.

©News Group Newspapers Limited in England No. 679215 Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF. "The Sun", "Sun", "Sun Online" are registered trademarks or trade names of News Group Newspapers Limited. This service is provided on News Group Newspapers' Limited's Standard Terms and Conditions in accordance with our Privacy & Cookie Policy. To inquire about a licence to reproduce material, visit our Syndication site. View our online Press Pack. For other inquiries, Contact Us. To see all content on The Sun, please use the Site Map. The Sun website is regulated by the Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO)

It is frustrating when you’re doing everything you can to be a good husband, and yet you’re treated badly and betrayed. I don’t know your situation and I’m worried that you mentioned taking your own life. I don’t know how to help you, other than to encourage you to try to find people in your own situation. A support group for dads or separated men, perhaps? I don’t know what you need.


I have been married to my wife for 22 years this year. She and I have had a very up and down life together. she told me when we got married she wanted to stay home and raise children. I agreed. Now we have a 17 year old and a 9 year old. She has never had to work, and my job has been high stress and full of disappointments as I have strived to make enough for us to have the lifestyle we both say we want. I have been wrongfully terminated three times (proven in court). I have really struggled to rebuild my career but being in a public position has been very strenuous. As a longtime CEO and now private consultant in the public sector for the past 6 years my economic stress has been huge. I gained a 100 pounds over the years. So in 1999, my wife had an affair with a man, while I was working on the road to make enough money to take care of my family and find a way for us to relocate together. I was devastated. We did go to marriage counseling and our marriage survived this very hurtful situation. I found out she blamed me for the affair, saying our life had taken a toll on our emotionally and she thought she needed to jump ship to find economic security. I relocated us and then again to another state. So we reconnected and had our next little one. Now we have a second home in a well known lake community about 2 hours from our home. She over the past three to four years has taken to going there on her own because she is on a local talk show and says doing that gives her purpose and makes her happy. I usually have to stay behind and work and take care of the kids when she goes there. She gets no pay for the show, it is quite popular and she goes out usually when she is there with her local girlfriends some married, some divorced and some just barfly’s in their late 40’s looking to hook up and be told their sexy. She has gotten into several situations where either a friend has texted me seeing her out with the girls and other men and been suspicious and so on. I have told her repeatedly if you put yourself in these situations sooner or later something bad will happen that will affect us negatively. She thinks I don’t trust her and she loves to dance and have fun. She thinks I am being overly paranoid. She also says she has not been attracted to me because of my weight and that is what has been keeping us apart and less than intimate. She says she loves sex and she is always used to being the center of attention, she is still in great shape and gorgeous even at 49. She gets hit on all the time by men and she seems to enjoy the third party attention and affirmation of her sex appeal still. So then 6 months ago I find out she has been having another cyber affair over facebook and she hooked up with this guy in our lake town to have dinner and chat… she says nothing happened. He is the brother of one of her closets friends who comes over every week to have dinner with us as she just got divorced herself. Our two sons are friends and play baseball together. So I confronted her about all this and she just said, It was stupid I don’t want out of our marriage and she says she ended it. I even found a card he sent her where he said, he felt their meeting had brought them to a new level in their relationship. So I went on a diet and have lost about 50 pounds thus far. Things seemed better, then she went over to the lake house this past weekend with a married girlfriend that was visiting from out of town, who has been her friend since childhood. They went to the bar with the girls, my wife got so drunk she couldn’t drive and was talking to some 20 something man for a longtime and being very confrontational. She drinks at least a couple glasses of wine per day she says it keeps her sane in my high stress and uncertain world of finances. I got behind on our taxes after 2008 and dug a big hole and have been negotiating with the IRS to find a way to settle them. Being self-employed is hard to keep them current and pay for everything. Everytime I confront her about how her going out makes me feel really insecure she just says I am holding onto the past and that I think she is a whore and/or slut, and she has done nothing wrong. I wish I could believe her, but I just can’t get 100% comfortable with this lifestyle or trusting her again. She has broken my heart now two times. Somehow I still love her. I love our family and I don’t want to break it up. But this is killing me and she always places the blame on me for all circumstances and then says this is what gets her stressed out. I am just lost. I don’t know what I should do, or how I can get our relationship back on track or whether she really wants to do so. Everytime we fight she says after our son graduates we are over. That just makes my heart sink… then later she will come back and say, I was just mad, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want our marriage to end. But it happens again always and it did last night as well. This time I just said, “You created this situation, I am not willing to accept the blame for it, and I can see our attorney next week and end this if that is what you want?” Then she says I threatened to divorce her and it is my fault again. I can’t get her words out of my mind I am fat, she is not attracted to her and when we are intimate she has to hold her breath or she says I nearly crush her until she can’t breath. Now I am a big guy. 6’3″ and 280 pounds still and most women find me attractive. Even her girlfriends say they would kill to have her life. Many of them have told me that they think she is crazy to not be truly happy she has a kind, loving and caring man in her life that treats her like a queen and never berates her, or abuses her mentally or physically. I try to make everything our family needs come true… I work really hard, but I also attract a great deal of public detractors due to my public life by way of bloggers and web postings. I am a public speaker, author and public sector consultant engaged in negotiating deals between local governments and businesses that want to expand or relocate to a new area and create jobs. I have been doing this for 22 years since we first married. I don’t have any other knowledge of how to make enough to pay our bills. I feel trapped, confused and don’t know if my marriage is salvageable and/or whether I should keep trying. I have suggested that we go to a counselor again, but she says no, that is not what she needs. So, long story but I am totally at a loss for what direction I should choose.
That sounds way easier than it was. It was hard. It was agonizing to walk away from a relationship that brought so much happiness, peace and contentment in my life. It’s hard to give up those dreams I had with my ex: the children I was going to have, the life we were going to lead. I come from a family with a depressed parent, and it was HARD for me to break my pattern of “caretaking” and co-dependency and taking on all the responsibility. I feel sad to lose someone I love, angry at him and myself, guilty for “abandoning” my boyfriend. And yet I’ve seen up close from my own parents what Julia is 1.1 says:  if they can’t take responsibility and take care of themselves, there’s little hope of having a functional relationship until they do. And I’ve done so much work to get to a happy, contented point in my life that I can’t give that up now, just to hold onto a relationship that isn’t meeting my needs.
Are these rules and changes familiar to you? Is his parents’ marriage like this? Did something change in his life short after your wedding? Honestly, have you seen any sign of these trades of his personality before the wedding? If your chemistry is so amazing, what kind of hurt and time is he talking about? What is he talking about :0)? After reconciling not too long ago, what is causing the problem now? The old stuff?
According to Steve Harvey, the author of the popular novel Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, “A man’s love is expressed in three forms: he declares his rights for you in public, protects, and takes care of you.” However, a part of this saying can be doubted because, in our time, not all women need to be provided for or protected by men. What they definitely need is love. Unfortunately, sometimes women tend to see love when it’s not really there.

What’s happened as a result has been brilliant. I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.


Hi, i have been married for 8 years now,have 2 girls,left my people,country and friends to come and live in another continent and have a life here.Iam not working for the sake of kids as they have no one to take care of but my husband never liked it.He is a very good person otherwise provider and a good father. we never fight like shouting etc but we have no intimacy between us for last few years.I am now so bitter now that i don’t know what to do ,I tried so many time but the response is always very indifferent.I
I love this.  It’s hitting home for me now and like to hear how important it is to communicate concerns as a way to be there for your significant other.  My boyfriend didn’t leave me, but was unhappy with my unhappiness.  Had I known his feelings earlier,  I would have changed.  All the while I was unhappy,  I didn’t realize it.  Now my boyfriend seems to be in the position I was a few months ago.  While I entertain the thought of leaving him, I’m now reminded by your response that I need to voice my concerns first!

If you’re married to a good man and you’re unhappy – or bored, unfulfilled, grumpy – the problem isn’t your husband. You already know that he’s not the reason you’re unhappy. You know your marriage is fine, if not the most exciting relationship on earth. You know there’s something more to life, but you can’t put your finger on it. So, you look to the most important person in your life for answers: your husband.
What did you do two years ago that you don't do now?...These are the place in life that you must go back and find...When you forget the happiness of your yesterday's that brought you together, problems will set in...This is the secret of true love...Looking at the boy in the man in front of you and not letting boredom of life set in...I believe in each partnership that there has to be a dominant person who sees this happening and doesn't let it fester...Sure it takes two to tango, but one to lead the dance of life....
If you really want to keep your boyfriend happy, keep your word. Just as we like men to do what they say, they like us to do so too. Call when you say you will, show up on time, and don’t stand him up. If you blow him off or forget to follow through with things, it will make you look like you don’t care and make you look irresponsible, because all he has to go by is your actions.
Wow, a lot going on here. My sense is that your husband may be depressed (or at least dysthymic) and that a lot of his negative thinking flows from that. Or, if not depressed, significantly unhappy, as he says himself. There may be one thing, or just a few things, that have landed him there that he either hasn't acknowledged to you, or hasn't even acknowledged to himself. Resetting expectations is a powerful technique to enhance resilience and reduce suffering (I discuss it at length in my book, The Undefeated Mind), and can be done without it meaning that "the world has won." That he's had 6 jobs in the last 13 years and that you sense he's always been "searching for something and simply not finding it" suggests he may be trapped in what Buddhism calls the world of Hunger. At the heart of this state of life lies a belief that if only we could fulfill our desires (whatever they happen to be) we will find long-lasting happiness. But of course, no desire provides that, so such people find themselves trapped feeling continual dissatisfaction with life in general. If he hasn't tried therapy, I'd strongly suggest it. He may have reconciled himself to life of minimal enjoyment, but you clearly haven't. If he won't do it for himself, perhaps he will for you and your daughter. Good luck.
This isn’t about divorce, and it’s not even about cheating. Not really. This is about understanding as a woman that while you are an important, main player in your marriage that the responsibility of your spouse’s happiness doesn’t rest solely on your shoulders. Only Jesus can heal hearts, and only He can fill an empty one. You can love your spouse, but you must also pray. And you don’t just pray for their relationship with you. You pray for their relationship with Him. 

Sharing duties is important in a relationship, but only working is not what makes a relationship a good one. If you are in a relationship with a man, it is essential that you not only share responsibility with him but also some pleasures. House, work, children - all this can be overwhelming for both of you, so find a moment to spend it together. You can go to the restaurant, watch a movie or play a board game. Allow yourself once to take a break from thinking about all around and to spend some time only with yourself.
If you two couldn't stop talking about the future, it's worth noting a sudden silence. "If your partner avoids any discussions about the future and plans you both may have made, this is a sign that they may not be happy in the relationship," says psychic and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport. "Unless they are willing to discuss future plans, this may mean their future plans may not include you." And that's obviously something you need to know.
He Might Mean That Some Aspect Of The Marriage Is Falling Short:  Often men will offer you vague, sweeping statements about your marriage when in reality, they aren’t happy with one or two aspects of it that have become very problematic.  And there are many possible causes of this.  Just some examples are not enough intimacy, differences about money, him feeling as if he is tied down or doesn’t have enough autonomy in his life, or him feeling like marriage isn’t what he expected.
When your partner is unhappy, they might start to change their habits, and the amount of time they're spending with you, BetterHelp telehealth counselor and psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. If this has happened lately, don't panic, but maybe take caution, depending on your specific situation. "While this can change in any relationship," she says, if it's a sign of discord, you'll notice the decrease.
I decided to take revenge on my wife by having an affair - hypocritically, as I'd claimed the high ground in previous rows about the infidelity she had been involved in. This was exciting and restored some of my confidence briefly. It was a horrendous mistake by me for all concerned. It damaged the person I had an affair with emotionally, it damaged me and it damaged both my wife and the relationship.
I don’t know where you live, but one thing that helps women no matter where they are is a strong support network. Talk to the women in your life: your sister, mom, friends, neighbors, or even your husband’s family members if they’re open to you. The best way to figure out if you should leave your marriage (or just your husband’s family) is by reaching out for support in person. You might be able to stay with a friend or family member while you figure out if you should leave your marriage.

Me and my husband have been together for almost five years but we have only been married for 6 months. We have a 3 year old and a newborn together. For some reason this pregnancy that I just recently went throuh was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It seems like right when I got pregnant and right when we got married he just started going out and like always hunting all of a sudden when I needed him the most. Everything I say seems to be wrong, he gets defensive no matter what it’s like everyone is out to get him but really everyone is just trying to help him. He drinks every single day and thinks he has no problem, my daughter loves him dearly but I just think I am only staying here for her sake and I know that I should be happy too. I am not sexuall attracted to him what so ever anymore because all he ever does is drink beer and not work half the time and never helps with anything around the house. I am just so done with it all and eveyone I know thinks that I am crazy for even being here at all anymore. I am just so scared of raising two kids on my own because I just feel like I will fail them and it is not their fault that their father doesn’t want to do the right thing and that’s why I am so scared and confuse when it comes to making that final decision. Ugh it is just so hard I am in my twenties and just feel so helpless!!!!

Ok, so i am the woman & I cheated! no excuses but I had a rough childhood, oldest & only girl helping a single drug addicted mother raise 3 lil boys! my mom paid me no attention, so i sought it elsewhere & became a teenage mom-like my mom! i have always tried hard to make my mom proud of me-well to no avail & i’m 34 now! well, my husband & i have been together 10 yrs, married for 4yrs & separated for the last 2, since i cheated!
But here’s the problem. We’ve not been intimate since I feel pregnant shortly after our marriage. We’ve cuddled but nothing more, he barely even kisses me. I know he still loves me and would never cheat but I’ve become much more strong and independent in the past three years. I have a great set of friends, my family issues have settled down and my career is going well. I feel confident as a Mother and often had periods when I’m home alone and no longer feel I miss my husband when he’s not around. I became curious about how he was coping without Sex, I knew he must be taking care of himself but I couldn’t help but wonder what else he was doing. I started checking up on his internet use and found he was checking out a porn site. Nothing serious just photos. Years earlier when we were going through a dry spell I found a stash of mags, which I confronted him about, he was so sorry and I’ve never seen any evidence of such activity since. But finding this website really upset me, not because I’m a prude, I get that men are visual and often enjoy porn, it’s that he’s using it to satisfy himself instead of having a healthy relationship with me that bothers me so much. I final found the courage to bring it up with him and told him I feel completely disconnected from him and don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless marriage. He’s promised to change and apologised for making me feel bad but I’m really not sure I feel enough for him anymore to keep trying.

You gravitate towards people and things that make you the most happy. When your husband chooses to spend more time with his friends, working on his car, or doing some other activity than with you, it might signal that he is unhappy with you for some reason. He may be upset with you for some reason and isn’t talking to you about it because he doesn’t want to deal with the argument that will result from it.
Sometimes, as a woman, we can forget how vulnerable our man is. Make sure you tell him you love him, often. Just as we like to be told we are loved and cuddled, men like to be reassured with the same. Make sure he knows how much he means to you. Men want to feel loved and wanted, even if they don't always show it. Reminding him of how much he means to you is a heartfelt gesture that will make him feel wanted and loved.
Initially I did not tell my daughter why we were separating but when I did tell her, she seemed relieved and said we “fought all the time” which I don’t think was true but there was tension. Her father wanted to pretend that it was a mutual decision & we would still be good friends – I tried this for awhile but realized she needed to know why I was so particulalry upset by the whole thing and I told her. I want her to know that these things happen because of choices we make and the devestation that they cause. I want her to be able to make other, better choices in her relationships. And believe this is only possible if she confronts them honestly.
Just recently out of nowhere-my b.f. stopped talking to me for 2 weeks as if I did something wrong. I was perplexed to say the very least. I couldn’t figure it out. This isn’t the 1st time this has happened- but usually after a few days he shakes it off and all is right in his world (which he shares w/ me). I’m Obviously seeking out some kind of answer to what I need to do in my situation& the bottom line is…that I need to put my needs first. I have my own issues that I’ve swept under the rug for so many years. KI’ve been so busy trying to make him happy that my needs were not addressed. I’ve ignored and neglected myself & I’m really starting to feel it. I Feel that if I lead by example & begin my quest to a healthier me- then he may just follow in my footsteps. If not…then I really have no choice but to leave him behind….which would really break my
Time went on and I tried. Counselling, relationship courses, religion, mental breakdowns. And then I worked painstakingly through "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship" by Mira Kirshenbaum. Getting out was the hardest thing I have ever done - to intentionally break up a home and shake the foundation beneath my children's feet made me wilt and doubt everything about myself. But the result is beyond expectation - I had forgotten what normal and happy was. Now I remember and my children remember and laugh with me.
Hello my respectable viewers, My names are EVELYN JENKINS and i'm from (FLORIDA, UNITED STATE) I am very happy to share this amazing testimony, i was hurt and heart broken when my husband left me with our kid, i was confused and didn't know what to do, i loved him so much, i tried all i could to bring him back but all my effort was in vain , on one faithful day i explained my problem to my friend, and she told me of a great love spell caster called "LORD JUMA" whom also make her pregnant when she was looking for a child, i never believed in spells but i have give a try to see if things will get better, i contacted LORD JUMA through the contact info my friend gave to me, after some hours the spell caster responded to me he told me to stay and gave me some instructions on what to do and i did exactly as i was told, to my greatest surprise, my husband who has not called me for a very 3 yrs , called me and start apologizing for all the wrongs he did to me and pleaded with me that he want to return home with me and the kids, now he loved me more than ever before, my respectable viewers brothers and sisters if you are passing through any kind of problem contact him and i give you 100% guarantee that he will solve your problems. this is his contacts: mercyfullsolutionhome @yahoo. com or mercyfullsolutionhome @gmail. com add him up on whatsApp at: +1 (859)-203-2241
What if your husband is an alcoholic and lies to you about it every chance he gets? He makes you feel like you are stupid for thinking he’s been drinking again? He is mean and belittling to everyone in the house? Puts everyone’s lives in danger by lying and drink driving? He doesn’t respect or value your opinion even when sober and treats you like one of the children? Or, what if you have considered suicide as a way to get away from him? Are those signs your marriage is over?
×