It sounds like your sadness and depression is related to the woman next door — and you need to listen to your heart and gut, and move away. Maybe your husband will go with you and you can rebuild your relationship, or maybe not…but you may be much happier if you’re not living next door to the woman your husband had a physical or emotional affair with.


Me and my husband were great to begin with now he just cannot be bothered with anything to do with me at all. He is all for our daughter and leaves me out completely. He is also sneaking out late at night. i still love him but this is hard to take. We have been together seven years and I’m only 26 I don’t wanna be a divorcee in my twenties!!!!! please help!!!!
Sometimes, as a woman, we can forget how vulnerable our man is. Make sure you tell him you love him, often. Just as we like to be told we are loved and cuddled, men like to be reassured with the same. Make sure he knows how much he means to you. Men want to feel loved and wanted, even if they don't always show it. Reminding him of how much he means to you is a heartfelt gesture that will make him feel wanted and loved.
For a loving man, the requests and wishes of his beloved (not friends or distant relatives) will always take first place. In fact, men like to help women — this gives them the opportunity to demonstrate how cool, strong, and responsible they are. Of course, there are situations when a man cannot help, for example, he does not know how to repair a faucet, but he certainly should not leave you alone to deal with this problem — he will call the plumber, instead. However, if the most innocent request, like asking for help changing a lightbulb, is perceived with annoyance and as just “yet another unbearable task,” the relationship is worth reconsidering. Is it possible that your man is helping some other woman and with greater enthusiasm?

In defense of Steve, I would say practical advice depends very much on personal circumstances. I identify totally with the sentiments of the article but I’m in no way like “Kevin”. I know my default happiness is internal, but my ways of reconnecting to it will be different to Kevin. The men’s work you do depends on who you are and how far you are from where you want to be.
 Know That He Might Be Unhappy In Another Area Of His Life:  The men in this situation don’t come right out and say this of course.  (Sometimes, they don’t even realize it themselves.) But it’s often very easy to read between the lines.  It’s not uncommon for this whole “I’m not happy” business to come at a time when he’s otherwise struggling.  Perhaps he has lost his job.  Maybe he is going through a serious lifestyle change.  Or perhaps something is happening with his extended family.  Whatever the reason, it’s very common for a man to take a problem that has nothing whatsoever to do with his marriage and then to project that problem onto the person who is most convenient or who is the closest to him.  And that person is often his wife.
If you're not happy with your husband, you might be falling into an emotional affair, making another male the priority in your life. And thanks to today's technology, it's easier than ever to get caught up. "Technology has allowed people who might never risk having any kind of affair to flirt online," says Dr. Wendy M. O'Connor, a licensed marriage, family therapist, relationship coach, and author of Love Addiction: How to Overcome Toxic Relationships & Find Love. "This creates a situation of 'temptation,' and not everything that takes place online stays online. People are bolder when hiding behind a screen, and often click on send without thinking first." If your relationship is already on the rocks, giving yourself to someone else — even if that's only virtually — will only make things worse.
I’m going to take the assumption that you’re already in a relationship with this man… At which I ask you this: If you have to ask if happiness is possible, haven’t you already answered your own question? I’m not going to say definitively whether or not your happiness is possible with this person, but you have to ask yourself the question of whether or not you’re currently happy. If the answer is no… well… you should probably consider ending things sooner rather than later. You shouldn’t have to change who you are in order to find your happiness. Additionally, who you're with shouldn’t be the source of your happiness, but rather an amplification of it. In order to be truly happy, you must first be happy on your own. Your significant other is NOT a person to fill the void in your life… they’re a person to share your WHOLE life with.

This is the oldest trick in the book. Why do we start a relationship hoping a man is going to change? It’s important to accept your boyfriend for who he is, in the flesh. If you fell in love with your idea of him, and not the real him, that’s not his fault. If you are pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do, it’s not going to make him happy.
This Internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a physician or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use.
I met my husband when I was 20 and we’ve been together 13 years, married 3 and have a two year old son. Right from word go we had issues with intimacy, so much so that I cheated on him early on, I didn’t hide it from him instead told him I wanted to break up as I didn’t believe we were right for each other as he showed such little interest in my sexually. He apologised, told me he adored me and asked for another chance, he said it was just the way he was but asked if I really just want a relationship based on the physical. That really struck home with me as I’d often felt the guys I’d dated before were more interested in sex than me as a person. So I gave him another chance and though we had ups and downs we grew to be great friends, but never great lovers. But whenever we were apart I missed him terribly and so felt it was worth working at. I also had a lot of emotional turmoil with my family during those years and at times felt very alone, he was always my rock and made me feel validated and loved – he’s always so proud of my achievements and quick to tell others how great I am.
I dated this girl once who was very into verbal jousting – you know that thing you do where you tease each other, even nonsensically, before you kiss? The problem was, she liked to keep going and I would have to have a riposte for every cute little jibe. Then she would respond with something else and I would have to have yet another comeback, and it would go on like this. I found the game exhausting, but she got off on it. We didn’t last very long, but I guess she needed to find someone who could “keep up” as Evan puts it.
One of the most important things to do here is to communicate with him. Invite him to share his feelings with you and be open to criticism. Remember, this is exactly what will help you to pinpoint what is needed right now. When communicating with your husband help him to feel at ease and know that he shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you about these things. Show him you’re in tune with his emotions, and you’re there to do what’s in your power.
What about a spouse who suffers from depression and refuses to get the help he needs. A father of 3 young children who is saying hurtful things to his 4 year old son? He jumped out of our van with the kids inside because he didn’t want to have a discussion. He was on meds for 6 weeks in winter of 2010 and went off, saying the doc said to (she’s my doc too and we have spoken and she recommends meds for a year) I’ve given him a year to try to go on his own terms but with attacking our son verbally that has challenges from a premature birth I refuse to watch him destroy our childrens lives because of his unwillingness to get the help he needs. His parents are concerned about him as well. I’ve just ordered some self help books recommended by a psychologist friend. I have definately fallen out of love with him. This has been going on for 4 years, seems he sort of lost his mind when I became pregnant with twins. Any suggestions??? My doctor said often the non-depressed spouse has to leave or ask the spouse to leave before they will finally get help but often they still won’t get the help they need.
Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We’ve always been having ups and downs but always come out on the other side. I think he is an amazing person and I admire him a lot. We both have very strong personalities and this is really our first adult relationship. I’ve grown to love him. A lot. In spite of all our issues. I wouldn’t want him out of my life. Since recently he’s been miserable to me. Always agitated and frustrated. When I confronted him about it he said hes hurt by all our arguments and he sees that when he looks at me. This makes me very sad. I work with him and I can’t imagine going to work everyday and working side by side with him and he feels this way. He said he feels like he’s in relationship with someone he doesn’t want… I don’t know him like this and I have no clue what to do. I want to save my relationship and help him to forgive me. I do love him. And I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know if I’ve been my best and fairest with him. And I feel guilty when I know I’ve hurt him. I’ve loved the life I’ve had with him and I truly can’t stand to see him miserable. I want to do something about it. I treasure him and I want to build back our relationship. Please help me
I too am in the same position, I see the signs my marriage is over. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years but am only 26 yr’s old. I started dating my husband at the age of 14 he is 9 yr’s older than me. We have two kids a 9 yr old and 4 yr old. I try to stay positive because of them but I just no longer feel that emotional aspect towards my hubby. I don’t feel love for him even when we have inter course it’s just not there. I am just wondering since am only 26 and been with him since 14 I jumped to soon. He’s a wonderful person very working, what ever I want I get, but the love from me to him is no longer there. It bothers me when he touches me or hugs me or kisses me. I don’t know what he will do if I decide to separate he’s not a strong soul very low self esteem person.
Detach with love. Sometimes people are simply toxic by nature, a fact that often dawns on others around them only after time. Sometimes people refuse to take steps to make themselves feel better. As a result, sometimes you have to love them from a distance. This can be an intensely difficult decision, but sometimes it's the right one. Give yourself permission to entertain the thought and consider it seriously if consider it seriously you should.

I’m Indian and Married to Romanian (Girl). We used to work in same company but on different locations and fall in love, it was kind of distance relationship..but something unbelievable. Almost 6 months we talked like this way and then decided to marry..She reached to India and we married. As our decision was to stay in Romania I accompany her there…In the beginning things were beautiful but gradually sweet turned in to sour…I take all responsibility as I was scared for my career…cause of global economy downfall I could get no job in Romania. Whenever I try talked about on this matter to my wife she got upset….she always said there are many people jobless don’t worry I am with you..but my esteem was not allowing me to sit back and peruse life on my wife’s salary…my biggest frustration not was, I have no job but I could do nothing for her….whenever we used to go out I could buy nothing for her and I always felt so bad, being a husband I was not able to do what I need to (take care of her by all means) it pinched me always…..
He'd started to act grumpy again and we talked about it, but he said he had no time to see a counselor. Then Sunday he said he was going to hang with a buddy. I don't know why, but I got a really bad feeling, so I drove to where he said he was and he wasn't there. I called him and he made up a lie, and then another one and another one. He was willing to drive drunk to try and cover up what he was doing even. I went home and he went home. He cried and said he'd been doing coke that day and didn't want me to know. He said he had lied about it several times lately and felt terrible.
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday. He said, he is unhappy and that we know we love each other but we are not inlove anymore. We moved abroad to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me too for 3 months at that time the relationship was in a long distance. But he chase me back and here we are now. Only 7months abroad something a new life, living in together. I asked him is there someone else so many times, at first he said none, 3 weeks after I found out he was already cheating while we were still together and before he broken things up with me with A YOUNGER GIRL at work. The day i confronted them, dont get me wrong, i still get them the respect even they did me wrong, he said he was going to tell me that night but I just knew or had proof already. I was so crashed but i know i still love him, i couldnt even hate him, he was doing her and doing me too. He said he has his reasons why he did that. But for me, you cheated. It shouldve hurt less if you didnt, upto this day he says that he has reasons why he had done such. He already moved out of our apt and chose her infront of me. I can’t explain the feeling i have. I didnt believe it until I saw it, i always tell myself he can’t do that to me but I was wrong. The person that i love so much did it and it hurts like hell.
Loyalty to your partner is a tricky issue, especially when they show weakness. Humans are not so far removed from the laws of the jungle. The best I can say is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Don’t be a self sacrificing altruist if that is not who you are or who you present yourself to be. That should lessen the guilt. That said, I’d feel depressed if I abandoned someone like that. And later in life, if I were to fall into similiar circumstances, I might  experience an intense insecurity or paranoia about having my partner do that to me. It might add to my moodiness, further exacerbating the situation until the prophecy is self fulfilled. That would be karma transmitting my suffering. We live in a society. We share the consequences of everyone’s actions. I don’t understand it when people say that happiness is an individual responsibility.
Im not married but this suits my relationship of two years perfectly. Of course, finding this out in marriage is so much more difficult. Thank you. This writing eases my pain and makes me feel better about the situation. After he admitted to me he was angry Monday through Friday and wasn’t where he saw himself at 30 years of age, it was then I finally realized that no amount of talking, crying, and trying was going to make him love me back the way I love him. Everything made sense once he said that to me. I recently started my nursing career and I’m happy. I have hard days for sure but I come home feeling like I made a difference for someone that day. I feel fulfilled. I have a great family who is always there for me and I have most of the things I want. I dreamt about our future together and I found myself working my life around his but he just wasn’t on the same page. I told him during our final breakup that I knew he wasn’t happy at work but that I prayed for him everyday and will continue praying and he responded with “I’m not religious.” It hurt my heart that he didn’t see how much I care about him, how much I want to be on his team, and help him get through any struggle. I was his biggest fan. 🙁 But there’s nothing I can do about it and I see that now. It’s not me.
I’ve been in a relationship for 14 years and married for 5 of those years. We have 3 children we both adore and our priority. For the past 3 years I’d say our relationship has been a rollercoaster; we get a long great, we communicate, spend time together then something snaps; either because I didn’t do something, or did it wrong or did something I did but wasn’t suppose to do. He will get really angry and blame me for whatever it is. He thinks I am a mindreader. He goes thru this atleast 2x a year; this last time he said he had enough and was going to be moving out. I didn’t think he would because of the other times we would have fights like this in the past. Now he really left; I am so hurt and heartbroken. How do I accept this is the end? How can I carry on without him? He is the love of my life!
So, you need to figure out if you’re just going through the normal ups and downs of marriage…or if you’re truly not in love with him. How do you do that? You could try individual counseling, couples therapy, or even Mort Fertel’s “alternative to therapy” (a friend of mine LOVES how Fertel coaches marriages — his ad is at the end of my article above).
And sweet to me. After living together out of college he didn’t have a job and I did. I helped provide for him . Then he got a job and we both held down the house and bills together. I quit my job and got another one after 2 weeks. Then he lost his job. We have Soo many bills. I am losing interest in him. He has gained a lot of weight, he doesn’t clean (just dishes ). Also when we go out on dates he is yawning and not talking to me. I feel like he is bored with me. He likes to stay in the house all
My current relationship is not completely lacking laughter but I am often consumed with thoughts of “Can I live my whole life with a man who’ll never have a witty come back?” Because we have such open communication I’ve been able to explain my feelings to him. It has not upset him that I’m still unsure in our relationship, but for me it has been causing stress from indecision.
I’m glad to see how marriage has evolved. It used to be much more transactional — happening principally to foster economic benefits or social standings or to produce children — but nowadays people typically choose to commit themselves legally to each other for far more noble goals. More and more people marry with the intention of experiencing lasting love and companionship.
Hey Karina, was wondering how things are. Just curious, can you tell me what your ethnicity is? And if others can mention their ethnicity and their partners’ ethnicity. I’m Mexican, and I’m wondering how relationships are across races, and don’t want to generalize when having conversations about it, without getting some feedback from real individuals in struggling relationships to see if ethnicity plays a factor along with culture, upbringing and social class.
I have been married for 2 years and I met my husband at church. He was such a wonderful and amazing man that after dating for 7 months we got married. Once we moved in he changed so much… I get it once you move in together you get to know the REAL person you married. But mann did he show me who he really was. After having 2 kids we no longer have communication, happiness or sex. Its heartbreaking to be taken for granted and knowing you love that person but he did tell me straight to my face he is no longer happy nor gets excited about me.
I don't think that you're suggestions are going to be too popular....we have a throw away society. Anything that doesn't fit or work as expected is junked right away and replaced, relationships included. And taking kids into account? Forget about it! It seems like they are the very last ones to be thought of by a party seeking divorce, thought that could only just that, a seeming. People in our culture are taught to be very self-centered now-a-days, that ones personal happiness is all that counts.
I found this post interesting. I am a stay at home mom (I only work a few hours a week). My husband is a good, moral, decent man. That will never change. But he used to be loving, caring, affectionate and helpful and that definitely changed. That being said, I try to take my job as a stay at home mom seriously. I do not expect him to do any “female” chores. Beyond being our sole financial support, he maintained all cars, the lawn, the trash and any major home renovation. I do the smaller ones. I’m not perfect, but I do my jobs. If I am down sick for 2 days, the house becomes an absolute h*ll hole. He has stopped even picking up after himself. I don’t say a word. But numerous times, during a bad argument he has complained that I do nothing. This not only hurts my feelings but it’s like “why am I even bothering?” And then it makes me question myself if I really am not pulling my weight. I mean, I really do try. But yes, sometimes I don’t get all the laundry done. Or maybe 1 day it’s the dishes and the next its a bathroom. I mean, I have many chores….and most days I would say I get 90% of it done. So each day there is something new that I didn’t get to I guess. He said it wouldn’t be acceptable at his work for him to not get everything done and he resents the fact that I don’t have anyone I have to answer to but he does. I don’t know. I just start to feel like I am failing. Some of these women seem to have it so together. Makeup done, not a hair out of place, kids beautifully dressed, house immaculate…I can’t seem to get there. And constantly feel bad.

My pregnancy was definitely unplanned. My fiancé & I had sex one time & then found out we were pregnant just 2 weeks later. He was super shocked at first & kept telling me that it was still early enough for my period to possibly flush it out (he doesn't really know much about this kinda stuff), then he was really upset, cried for a few days, & didn't expect it to be a legit thing until we got it confirmed by a doctor the day I was suppose to have a period... Now we're a little over 16 weeks in & he's still terrified, but extremely excited to be a daddy <3
Remember when you and your husband first starting dating? You were the carefree woman who laughed and flirted? Life's stress can really take a toll on a relationship, and sometimes we forget to laugh. Flirt with your husband. Tell stupid jokes. Reminisce about funny things that happened. Life can't always be fun and games, but let it be sometimes. Keep the humor going between the two of you and keep things funny and fun.
I don't think he is or would have an affair. I think that he still wants to try to have a sucessful and happy marriage, but neither one of us is certain how to accompllish it. He doesn't like to share his feelings with me until he can't handle them anymore. He told me that at the point when he finally does tell me, he says he is never sure how I'll react. After he tells me, he says he ends up feeling guilty ( I'm a very easy crier) and then wishes he had kept his mouth shut. I do have depression, and have been this way since we met, so this is nothing he didn't know. He also expressed that he's been feeling very cynical and angry towards me for reasons he can't explain. For example- I am directionally challenged (driving directions). On a recent trip he got mad that I had us going in circles. When I told him that getting mad at me was not going to make me better at reading a map, he took the map and curtily showed me where we were, etc. He used that recent experience as an example of how his attitude toward me has changed. I just don't know what to do. He's right- personalities don't change, and I now realize that our relationship isn't where it was two years ago. I love him so much and am ready to fight (figuratively speaking) to make our marriage stronger from this experience.
May you experience recovery, healing, peace and love in your relationship. May you find life in your marriage, sparks of love in your soul, and sprouts of health in your emotional, physical, and spiritual relationship with your husband. I pray that God revives your marriage and performs a miracle in your relationship with him. May you find practical, healthy ways to deal with these signs your marriage is over – and may they become a ghost of the past.
Reader Q&A marriage/monogamy parenting couples counseling psychology Men sex moms guest post dating babies kids child psychology humor anxiety toddlers preschoolers divorce and stepfamilies infidelity elementary schoolers depression narcissism parenting hacks bachelor product review Highly Sensitive People inlaws Functional couple friday working moms attachment theory
As you probably see, sometimes it is worth to let go or to reflect on your own behavior. Although women are mostly called the queens of drama and the ones who search for problems, there are many aspects that bother men in a relationship as well. And since the relationship should be fulfilling, motivating and happy for each partner, remember about mutual concern, acceptance, and commitment.
I remember how difficult those days of raising little ones were. I recall how Steve would attempt to bring a jovial atmosphere into our home only to have one of the kids spill their milk at the table, causing more work for me, as I so rudely chided. Even as my harsh words were leaving my lips, I would immediately regret them. My poor husband didn’t stand a chance with my hormonally imbalanced, sleep-deprived disposition.
I feel as if I'm walking on egg shells, trying not to anger him or make him more unhappy - I'm always filtering what I say before I say it (it was a really big struggle for me to tell him out loud that I was going to counseling)...I don't want our daughter to filter what she says, or try to make him happy all the time as well, since I know it is unhealthy. The other day, he came home from work and asked her to give him a hug - he stood by the door. She started walking toward him, all happy and ready to give a hug, but she got interested in the vacuum cleaner and he said, daddy's not interested in the vacuum cleaner. You need to come over and give me a hug. Daddy's been at work all day and wants a hug. - - - I reminded him that she's a toddler and she
We moved past that and again yesterday I was on FB using his because I don’t have my own account. I found some very hurting conversations he’s been having with women before I arrived and even now he tries to speak to them -most of the conversations are from before and leading to the months I arrived. Please help me I don’t know what to do. We got married legally but are having a wedding celebration next month and I’ve been tears since yesterday. I spoke with him and he assured me again that he didn’t meet these women -said he is sorry cried and so forth but I don’t know. Please help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I just want to walk away and go back home. Please help me.
This is exactly what me and my sweetheart are going through. I realized after at first going off on him about exactly the same things like just being completely different and how much things have changed and I went down the line of accusing him of wanting other women because I thought maybe it was something with me he didnt find desireable anymore (me going through my own feelings) but as we exchanged words i realized that he was really struggling with himself. I know he isn’t happy with his weight and he left a long verbal and mentally abusive relationship. I backed down and begged him to give his self more time just for him and to go to the gym since its one of the main issues he has. I didnt realize just how much he’s putting himself through and carrying that around. Didnt realize the damage being done. I let my feelings go because I know he needs me more than anything right now. I love him a great deal and even that doesn’t begin to express my love for him. I know I’ve found my husband and I’m not afraid to give him more of me than he can give back to me right now so he can be exactly who god set out for him to be.
One of the best ways to survive anything – including a marriage that’s ending – is to talk about it and learn what action steps you can take to improve your situation. Feeling helpless and powerless is the worst place to be! You may not be able to do much to change your situation, but perhaps you can change how you think about it. That may change how you think about your life, and give you strength and power.
So ladies my point is this: Sometimes when your man seems distant or unusually emotionally unavailable, it’s NOT necessarily because he cheated on you, he’s falling out of love with you or because he’s upset with you. Sometimes, it’s because he’s just going through some bullsh*t that has him unhappy with HIMSELF. So before you just begin attacking him for not giving you the attention and love you want, you might want to check to see if there’s any serious issues HE’S dealing with right now. The truth is, a man can’t fully LOVE you, if he doesn’t completely LOVE himself.
I understand where your at, Im in the same situation. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs now and we have a 1 year old. He tells me he doesnt want us anymore. I cant seem to let go nor move on. I keep on trying to make him love me because I dont want to lose the chance at having my kids miss out on a family. I cant seem to make him love me again. I do feel foolish because he doesnt feel any love for us, and thats not enought for me to get up and leave.

You mentioned someone going through a period of suffering in their life that they need time to get through (so this suffering is not permanent) and individuals who might have frequent dips in mood. I have a question about individuals who have a condition they have been affected by for a long time and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life. My mother has had what appears to me to be borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder for the past 23 years since I was born. How much responsibility is placed on the person for their behavior who has difficulty controlling their moods? My mother can obviously control her behavior around strangers (maybe she is around strangers in times of better mood), but I see her take out her emotions, problems, aggressions in private on her caregivers (my grandfather and grandmother). She is not able to take responsibility for her actions at all and is not expected to by her caregivers. Is this appropriate? Is it appropriate to forgive her behavior in every instance? Or to hold her accountable for her actions? Should her rude behavior, explosive emotions, inability to listen be excused as something she has no control over? Or should the person be held accountable for certain aspects of her behavior? This is difficult for me to deal with because my emotions in response to her behavior when I am around her get discounted by my grandparents because they use the model where she "is not able to control herself at all so she must be forgiven in all circumstances". Is this model of forgiving every circumstance appropriate? Thank your for your response.


My name is lizzy I had the same problem , my boyfriend n I had been together for 3 years without seeing him or evn sleeping with him , he always make excuses when we are supposed to have app , I love him so much and I realised he is taking advantage of that I have decided not to call him and chat with him , he alwaays insult me when I text him and complain I loved him so much but eventually I have realised that you can lead a horse to the river but you cannot force it to drink
It can be difficult for men to work all day, come home and then be a part of all the business that goes on in the household. Sometimes when the woman of the house makes all of the decisions, the man can feel left out and feel like just a monetary provider. It’s important to include your husband in the household decisions being made surrounding the finances, children, and other important matters. You can leave all the minor decisions out, such as what type of laundry detergent you should buy.
But even if it’s just moodiness, resilience is such a key and under-discussed point for a long-term relationship. Life and relationships aren’t always easy. What’s going to happen in the future when your toddler goes through the Terrible Twos, or money is tight, or someone goes through a rough career transition? While I fully acknowledge some people need space to process stress, but if you’re in a partnership, you can’t just sequester yourself away for a few days and leave your partner possibly high and dry with the mess. If Katie’s boyfriend doesn’t change — and I think she needs to make that assumption, judging from her letter — is this acceptable to her? Only she can make that call, but it sounds like it’s not.
My wife and I argue about parents and past rubbish. We have had physical fights where I’ve pushed her or grabbed her our communication is zero, she is always on the edge unapproachable and very controlling . I try to help as much as i can and buy her personal gifts to try and make her happy but most of the time i dont even get a thankyou or even a kiss or a smile She has been married before (no children) and keeps in contact with the ex husband aswell as various male ex work associates via sms if I asked to see the SMS she tells me to leave and starts an argument but if I mention an ex she hits the roof , if I talked to other woman or had woman friends she’d hit the roof . I love my son and wife and don’t know what to do I am no angel in all of this but I feel the amount of energy I put in to her I get nothing back until I resent her selfishness and her excuse is always the past or she didnt ask for the gift, shes tired or feels sick and complains that she looks after our son and that all the problems are my fault and a result of the way I talk to her or treated her in the past . She actually put me on to this site so I posted this in hope of some advice. I love my wife but sometimes I look at her and just see a controlling b***h that is so hard to get along with someone where everything is a problem or an issue. Happy to talk about herself all day long but never interested in me. Everything is about what she wants or thinks is right my point of view is worthless or pushed aside and criticized
If somehow this Five Point Plan fails to work for you, and I can’t imagine how it would, there may be some last ditch tools at your disposal.  For example, introspecting about what it is in you and your upbringing that have gotten you to this place.  Thinking about what you can do better as a partner and team player in the relationship.  Leading with positivity and affection whenever remotely possible. And, of course, couples counseling.
Despite this we resolved to try to remain together for the sake of our children. At least that is what I read into the situation. In reality it was another avoidance tactic on both our parts. Avoiding the very obvious point that the marriage had been dead for years. We were no longer friends let alone lovers. Despite the agreement to try, and for her and I not to stray, the infidelities continued on her side. Random men picking her up in some cases, others found for her by her friends.
In defense of Steve, I would say practical advice depends very much on personal circumstances. I identify totally with the sentiments of the article but I’m in no way like “Kevin”. I know my default happiness is internal, but my ways of reconnecting to it will be different to Kevin. The men’s work you do depends on who you are and how far you are from where you want to be.
×