The second thing that occurred to me is that you may be making excuses to stay where you are. Sometimes we’re afraid to make big changes in our lives, or tackle big confrontations with people, so we revert to “protecting” them….when we’re really just protecting ourselves. I don’t know if this is what you’re doing, but it is something to be aware of.
I don't think he is or would have an affair. I think that he still wants to try to have a sucessful and happy marriage, but neither one of us is certain how to accompllish it. He doesn't like to share his feelings with me until he can't handle them anymore. He told me that at the point when he finally does tell me, he says he is never sure how I'll react. After he tells me, he says he ends up feeling guilty ( I'm a very easy crier) and then wishes he had kept his mouth shut. I do have depression, and have been this way since we met, so this is nothing he didn't know. He also expressed that he's been feeling very cynical and angry towards me for reasons he can't explain. For example- I am directionally challenged (driving directions). On a recent trip he got mad that I had us going in circles. When I told him that getting mad at me was not going to make me better at reading a map, he took the map and curtily showed me where we were, etc. He used that recent experience as an example of how his attitude toward me has changed. I just don't know what to do. He's right- personalities don't change, and I now realize that our relationship isn't where it was two years ago. I love him so much and am ready to fight (figuratively speaking) to make our marriage stronger from this experience.
I have a husband who has been hard to please. We have been married for 20+ years. Everything I do has an "ulterior" motive in his mind. I don't think I can even get into the whole of this to give anyone a good perspective of what I am dealing with. He was married to a woman for maybe 2-3 months. I'm not sure why he married her as she cheated on him before they were married and he still married her - then shortly after they got married she cheated again and he kicked her out. After they were split for like 2 years we started dating and got married. He has really old-fashioned thinking which at times is nice and at times it is very stressful. Anyway - if I even talk to another man he gets a little ridiculous. Recently we had a friend who lost a spouse and our children were really good friends. They (the children) have been over a lot since that happened and my husband has blown that whole thing into he is interested in me. To the point of starting arguments about it in the middle of the night. when I am sound asleep - he will wake me up - what's wrong - I know there is something wrong. I can't even talk to him anymore - even social media posts he twists into a new dimension of meaning something entirely different. I am probably going to block him from my social media posts to put a stop to that. I walk on eggshells. He gets my phone and reads my text messages and has found nothing - but still swears there is something there. The way he thinks is the only right way and if you try to show him something different it can often make him angry. I feel like a caged bird and I feel like he is smothering me and the whole situation is making me very unhappy. I try to be happy even when things are going wrong - I deal with it and move on. He complains and puts everyone around him down and blames them even if they had nothing to do with it. He can control himself around his own family and around people he thinks a lot of. He will brag us up to those people, but if my Mom is around or if someone he has decided he doesn't care for is around he is downright hurtful and rude. What is odd - is it's ok if he does it - but if you would turn around and do the same - he would be telling you about it. He has good qualities - he is a hard worker and a good provider. And what I have just explained is just a mild overview, nowhere near a thorough explanation. My main question is how do you give yourself space from a person like this when you are married with children still at home living in the same home? I am self-employed but I don't feel I can support myself without getting a job which would probably mean I would need to quit my business as I would not be readily available for appointments. I love your advice - and I think it would work great for a more removed relative or friend - but how do you make it work for someone you live with who seems at times irrational.
My wife and I argue about parents and past rubbish. We have had physical fights where I’ve pushed her or grabbed her our communication is zero, she is always on the edge unapproachable and very controlling . I try to help as much as i can and buy her personal gifts to try and make her happy but most of the time i dont even get a thankyou or even a kiss or a smile She has been married before (no children) and keeps in contact with the ex husband aswell as various male ex work associates via sms if I asked to see the SMS she tells me to leave and starts an argument but if I mention an ex she hits the roof , if I talked to other woman or had woman friends she’d hit the roof . I love my son and wife and don’t know what to do I am no angel in all of this but I feel the amount of energy I put in to her I get nothing back until I resent her selfishness and her excuse is always the past or she didnt ask for the gift, shes tired or feels sick and complains that she looks after our son and that all the problems are my fault and a result of the way I talk to her or treated her in the past . She actually put me on to this site so I posted this in hope of some advice. I love my wife but sometimes I look at her and just see a controlling b***h that is so hard to get along with someone where everything is a problem or an issue. Happy to talk about herself all day long but never interested in me. Everything is about what she wants or thinks is right my point of view is worthless or pushed aside and criticized
I encourage you to keep writing about your thoughts and feelings. I think you’ll find that you know more about your marriage and your husband then you think you know… And the best way to figure complicated questions out is to write about them. Writing helps you sort through your thoughts and emotions, and discover the truth that maybe hidden deep within you. I encourage you to write in your private journal, or here if you’d like. I’m happy to be a sounding board, but I don’t give marriage advice and I can’t offer counseling.

Long before my husband left me, I saw the signs my marriage was over. I couldn’t accept it, though. It was overwhelming and depressing even though I know deep in my heart that I’m better off without him. Now that our divorce is final and I am officially single I need to find ways to be happy. How do you be happy after a divorce, when you’re single and you’d rather be married?
Do you remember the time at the beginning of a relationship when you were talking all night and still it was too little for you? He also misses it. Of course, when children appear in your world, they become an important part of the life and conversation, and yet fathers love their offspring. Just do not let this to be the only thing that will bother you. Do not forget that the relationship has to motivate and turn to action. And regardless of your duties, you should talk about what you like, what you plan and what you enjoy.
My marriage has had lots of ups and downs, my husband and I seem not to be able to understand each other, at times we fight over things that blow out into huge fights. We aren’t capable of communicating in a good way, he will reproach me that i am not direct and getting angry for nothing while i tell him that he isn’t doing his fair share in the conflict cause he turns his back and leave.. I take it as an offense because he is ignoring me..
And the tendency to pull down a woman with a voice immediately she opines is the only thing that can be expected from a quintessial north indian . And these are times when I have to praise Marx , especially his conception of " economic determinism " , which tends to exalt economically remunerative activities as the only worthwhile activities to be taken into consideration , rest other activities being not so important , if calling them not important at all sounds too politically incorrect . Since men predominantly indulge , or rather made to indulge as a compulsion , in such activities hence it automatically fans the causalistic probability that men are more superior than women . Thanks to the radical feminists and their " personal is political " chant , which did a great job in pinpointing how women toil hard to sustain the entire system . God has made men and women , or rather humankind , to complement each other , and fulfill each other's lives , not to lay a claim of superiority or inferiority over each other on the basis of what one does . When posts highlighting the areas how women are victimised are broadcasted , I see enough butt-hurt men commenting shits , when you'll are responsible for this entire system . Why can't then she as a woman voice her opinion with reference to a so called menist post !

We married 18 years ago (coming up shortly), were both each others first partners. Just simply fell in love and married. Marriage worked quite well, we never had any of those “standard” problems: we were both frugal with money, modest, faithful to each other, were not too much into this “great sex” thing that you can read in magazines or on the internet. We had a lot to talk about, joking all the time and had two children. She is a great mother and role model. Basically, everything I would want in a wife. However, a nagging issue that was not addressed from the outset was our relationships with each other’s families. The funny things about this is that we are immigrants and our families do not even live in the same country. She never hid it that she hates my family even though she never spoke to many of them nor they ever visited us. She even went that far to teach kids how their cousins are bad kids even though she never met them! (BTW, they are valedictorians in their schools, but that is not the point). This issue surfaced when her mother visited here, which turned out to be a weird experience for me. They were literally fighting about everything and her mother went home crying. She vowed never to talk to her and her father again, which she did. This was quite a surprise to me given that when we dated, it looked like a very healthy family to me. Both her parents adored me, so to this day, I am not sure what happened between them. This was 11 years go, fast forward three years ago, we had not had sex for 11 months. She chose to sleep with kids who she adores. I did not press the issue, which is the first problem in our marriage. We just do not communicate well. When I occasionally mentioned this, she would cite work, being tired, kids love it etc etc. When I offered household help, I could never get it right; there is always too much water on the counter, a spot on the dishes etc… To this day, I do not know what triggered this, but this turned out to be beginning of all the current troubles. Things turned to worse when her father died. I tried to help with grieving and offered to talk how to help financially with the funeral and all (which she did not attend, btw) etc. She just clammed up, did not want to talk to me at all. At that time, I was simply fed up and primed myself to the biggest mistake of my life. I basically opened myself to respond to whatever romantic oppportunity came along. Not seeking, just responding. Unfortunately, it did. An aggressive woman approached me at a meeting and we started chatting over the email. I kept my composure not to do anything physical, zero (not a touch). Nevertheless this would basically amount to cheating. This went on for about three weeks. As life would have it, she found the emails and one text message and was devastated. I stopped immediately, but we never talked about it more. So, in the books, this went as my being a cheater. Nothing about lack of sex for the past whole year or any other reason why I was shut out (this is not an excise for what I did). She did offer to go to counseling back then, but I refused, because I knew that what I did was a mistake and I stopped and promised never to do anything stupid like that. No need for someone else to tell me that. Now, the part that scares me the most. In the meantime, it looked to me she forgave me, but only on the surface. We would have sex, but out of nowhere she started using lubricants. We would never kiss, or any other foreplay. She simply refused me to satisfy her in any way. So, it felt like I was raping somebody,which I mentioned to her several times. Response was always be happy that you get something, many men do not even have that. After sex I would have this guilty sinking feeling I am hurting her and I just could not take it any more. I can’t physically hurt the person I love! I started being frustrated and wanted to talk about what is going on. She refused most of the time then on occasions would mention my “affair”. Then, since the end of last year she again began refusing sex. We are back to being close to breaking our “record”. She does not even want me in bed, trying to stay as far away as possible. Any attempt on any kind of touch (even holding hands) is met with a violent negative response. She began to be frustrated with taking care of children, constantly mentioning how she does everything and not being appreciated, how she wishes to go on vacation somehwere by herself, just to be alone etc etc. I began breaking down and started saying that I will leave her if she does not at least want to talk to me. All to no avail. I guess, this is another mistake; don’t say it if you don’t mean it! But, again, when things build up inside, some sort of outlet must be found. Now, to top it all off, I found out that she posted her profile on a dating site and to my direct question whether she is dating anyone responds “if I did I would be much happier”. She also started posting provocative pictures of herself on Facebook. Of course, she blocked me from viewing her profile, but I have friends who showed me those pictures. All in all, our life now consists of her sitting behind computer, closing windows as soon as I am around, locking it when leaving for a while, while I desperately try to establish any kind of communication and live in frustration. Our family life has basically disappeared. No more family outings (we take children out separately), no family vacations, no friends over. She has established a new circle that consists mostly of divorced women who claim to have great sex life and are showing off their much younger lovers with great bodies. All of a sudden, I need muscles, great six packs etc. Divorce has become a viable option for her, which is a complete turnaround from when we met, when she was always apprehensive of anyone who divorced and I had to give up a male friend who divorced.


Women know perfectly well, or at least they should know that men do not like the understatement, any kind of allusion, and they can never guess. They do not read in the minds of women, and it is often difficult for them to figure out what their spouse meant. So do not expect him to guess what you want or what you expect from him. Just tell him straight and openly. You will avoid many unnecessary problems.
I’m so bummed that this site isn’t for men! I’m 61 and for 39 married years I’ve wanted a wife who’s more emotional, more tender, gentle, understanding, sensual, feminine. Instead she’s bossy, managerial, unemotional, un-tender, right brain dominant to the max, etc! Now I have health issues and boy do I feel alone in this! No comforting from her at all! And sex ended many years ago, and recently I got on testosterone therapy for my overall health and depression, and even tho I’m a little frisky again, she wants no part of that! I’m ready for this marriage to be over! Maybe I can spend whatever years God gives me with a women who can be feminine with me in every respect. And if your wondering if we talk things out, yes we do, and she can only ever understand her side of things because of incredible stubbornness! Thanks for letting me vent!

The second step to finding happiness when you’re married to a good guy is to be clear on what makes you happy. A great husband isn’t enough. A solid marriage isn’t enough. A good job, obedient kids, and financial stability isn’t enough to make you happy! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re normal. God created you to connect with Him, to glorify and have a relationship with Jesus. You’re not happy because you’re not doing what you were created to do.


We all have our ways of dealing with stress, and for some of us, we play video games, some of us go hiking with our friends and some of us drink a lot of coffee. As long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else, let him work things out on his own, and just be a supportive friend. You’re more likely to receive the same treatment when you go through changes too.
When you talk about his friends, point out their good qualities, and it will build positive relationships between you and them. If your boyfriend feels like you don’t like his friends, he will feel like he has to choose between you and them, and that is not a fun feeling. So keep him happy and if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
I just keep thinking that this struggle must be a part of some evolutionary process as human beings. I don’t think we are necessarily meant to stay in a monagamous relationship for a lifetime, but our societies and values are still structured as if that is the ideal and the economic and emotional fall-out is HUGE when those relationships come apart.
Jackie H – When I start having to make a pros and cons list, I know it’s time to go.  Once I start dissecting a man in that way, I’ve already lost respect to the point that I can pick him apart like nobody’s business and I already know that the cons list will be long.  Why even bother?  Additionally, I think that, unless the writer is experiencing some other issue, why is she even bringing up, “He’s not funny”?  If they have a good comfort level with each other, that’s what really matters.  It’s seems a mute point to attack him for being not funny enough at this point in the relationship, and imho, like she’s ‘looking” for a reason to leave.  Funny “enough” is one of those things you look at up front, during the dating phase, and if she thought he was funny enough up front, why is she dissecting him like this now.  This says to me there is a larger problem which has nothing to do with “funny” enough. What she’s really saying is that he’s not “enough” of something else….  I like funny but life, in an of itself, is serious business.  And if he is taking care of business, why even go there?  If “is he funny enough” a serious consideration, then no wonder I have such a hard time dating.  Maybe I’m just taking the wrong stuff into consideration.  But hey, if I’m going for really funny, then just give me the best looking guy in the room too!  Geez, at this point, I’d take cute, kind, attentive and caring, a decent job, no big baggage, and someone who actually wants to get to know me with enough chemistry to make some smoldering happen.  That apparently is far too much to ask these days.  If I want some funny, I’ll YouTube my favorite old Eddie Izzard skits. 
Background Information – He is ex-military but when we lived in Washington state, he went through some things. I tried to be understanding, even though I didn’t understand. He would sleep all day, play video games all night, and the only interaction we had was fighting over the kids. It came to a head one night and the fighting got a tiny bit physical. I’ve been in an extremely abusive relationship when I was in my early 20’s. I refuse to do it again. I contacted family services on base and we started counseling. It was mandatory for him. I have two teenage daughters from the marriage I was in previously, and my husband and I have a 3 year old son. Counseling was helping some. It was helping us learn how to communicate better. It was helping with exercises to calm down, things like that. He was removed from our house on base the first night and we were only allowed to see each other with military 1st SGT present. He was so angry all the time but I could tell he was trying. As soon as he thought I might leave, he seemed almost panic stricken. Before this, he would not speak to me for weeks as a time. If I tried to hug him, he would pull away from me and say things like he didn’t want to be touched right now. So, we went through the counseling, he got out of the military and we now live in Oklahoma. He has made so much progress but he drinks too much. I’ve tried to talk to him about it when he’s sober. I can almost see the switch flip from okay to better watch out mode. He will get aggressive, pick fights with the kids, be mean to the kids (which makes me feel like a rabid dog), he will be fine one minute and tell us the next to “Get out”. He growls like an animal when he gets this way.

The one thing I feel for you in this situation is you did not have a friend of family member who would grab you by the shirt and smack you upside the head and tell you to grow a spine! You should have divorces her after the 1st infidelity and taken your kids with you! She even talked you into admitting your affair and not mentioning her many, you got suckered!
My plan is to catch them in act and confronted. I wanted to know how long has this been going on and why. I will ask her what she is planning to do with it. If she still wanted to carry on with the guy, then I have to divorce and take custody of my son and move on life. But thinking about it makes me feel like vomiting. I do really love her so much and can’t bear leaving her. What should I do?
What does your post have to do with having a moody bf? Do you have a bf? I don’t think so because  I sense a veiled attempt to relay that you think the guy you mention should dump his gf for you. I wonder what would happen if he did? Maybe you’d be subject to whatever treatment she’s getting, then you’d be sorry. Or at least discover the empathy for gf that you’re lacking now.
I’ve been married for 3 years but we have been together for 9 1/2 we meet in high school he has been the only man for me, we do not have children yet because we are still young. Recently we have been fighting more than usual and it’s over dumb things, I have gone out twice recently with my friends which is a girl and my boss ( he is gay and my husband knows he’s married ) but he still gets mad that I’ve gone out we do nothing wrong , we go eat or chill at his house and it’s not just us two alone. I don’t say anything when he wants to go out I even encourage him to do so, so he doesn’t feel like he’s stuck at the house I want him to have fun and I trust him I just wish it was the same for me I’ve never cheated and don’t plan to, I’m 25 he’s about to be 27 like I said young no children I think we should be able to go out with friends without any problems or em my wrong?

"Taking time to regularly cuddle, touch, and show love and affection for your partner stimulates chemicals in the body like oxytocin and dopamine, which foster feelings of attraction. Without that feeling of connectedness, a divide can form, which can lead to unhappiness. Even a short amount of intimate time daily with your sweetheart can really keep that bond strong." —Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life
The second step to finding happiness when you’re married to a good guy is to be clear on what makes you happy. A great husband isn’t enough. A solid marriage isn’t enough. A good job, obedient kids, and financial stability isn’t enough to make you happy! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re normal. God created you to connect with Him, to glorify and have a relationship with Jesus. You’re not happy because you’re not doing what you were created to do.
Remember when you and your husband first starting dating? You were the carefree woman who laughed and flirted? Life's stress can really take a toll on a relationship, and sometimes we forget to laugh. Flirt with your husband. Tell stupid jokes. Reminisce about funny things that happened. Life can't always be fun and games, but let it be sometimes. Keep the humor going between the two of you and keep things funny and fun.
My boyfriend of almost 4 years just broke up with me again, he says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and it hurts so bad. I keep begging him cause I think it will help cause he does this alot it’s been a few month since the last time though that why I keep trying to hard to help us cause we also have a 2 years old boy and I’m now 35 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. It hurts so much and I really have no body to talk to besides family which is nice cause there always there for me but when he finally decides he wants me which usually takes about a week or so for him to eventually say to come back home. It’s so hard for me cause I’m only 18 and I have been with him since 15. It’s so hard because I feel like I have nothing besides our kids which he’s been saying he’s going to take them from me too. I have no money or a job I just feel like I have nothing, and I’ll have e to move back to my grandmother’s house which isn’t so fit for our kids to live but I will do what I have to do, it’s so hard too cause I also have his family saying that I should stay and not run away and I want too but how can I stay when he don’t want me anymore I keep trying but there’s no point when he tells me to leave him alone and he’s already adding other females and I don’t know if he’s talking to them everyone tells me to leave him alone but it’s probably been about 3 hours since I’ve tried to take to him about us. I love him and it’s so hard but I’m gonna try to take this advice which I usually what I do when he does break up with me but this time I don’t want to stop trying because I’m so close to giving birth and I just don’t want to give up so easily anymore
I have been with my husband for 5 years now and just a couple months ago I found out he cheated on me with his coworker. When I confronted him about his infidelity he stated it was my fault for going through his phone and discovering that he has been cheating. Since then he distances himself from me and refuses to cut contact with her. When I ask him why won’t he stop talking to her he tells me he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I go out of my way to make things right again and he clearly doesn’t not even try but he says he still loves me and wants to be with me.
Klapow also told me that some men have a hard time realizing that in successful marriages, people continue to evolve and change but within the context of someone else. "Men often want to go about life at their pace. Learn, grow, change (or not change) as individuals," he explained. "What they don't understand is that their growth or lack thereof has a direct impact on their partner. Often men find themselves being forced to finally grow up and they don't like it. They love their wives but they want their lives to be the same."
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