If you two couldn't stop talking about the future, it's worth noting a sudden silence. "If your partner avoids any discussions about the future and plans you both may have made, this is a sign that they may not be happy in the relationship," says psychic and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport. "Unless they are willing to discuss future plans, this may mean their future plans may not include you." And that's obviously something you need to know.
When we first met and the first year of our relationship, up to the first few months of the marriage were wonderful… but as soon as we got married he stopped caring… about much of anything really. He doesn’t shower like he should and smells horrible. Doesn’t take care of most personal hygiene. Refuses to partake in housework. Refuses to leave the house for anything. Didn’t shave for a month recently. Only did it because his MOTHER told him to. I’d been getting on him for weeks about it because even not trimming it looked sloppy.. but he didn’t bother. Doesn’t care about his appearance at all. It’s like he stopped needing to make an impression once he got married.
Well, if so, call them out on it. "Don't take the bait," she says. "Be honest with the person and ask what's really going on. If you're not getting an adequate answer, but the nitpicking and nastiness continues, inform this person … 'You don't have to hate a person to get out of a relationship, so let's cut to the chase: Do you want out of the relationship? Then just say so.'" Way to call a spade a spade.

My husband and I are happily married 5 years now, with two little ones at home under the age of 3. We make sure to have time for a date night every 2 weeks, one trip a year just the two of us and then tons of family time. We communicate tons, have some fights but always make sure to go to bed happy. I think marriage is worth it, and it has been proven that children in families with parents that stay together are better off than those in broken families. So I think the parents need to do everything and try everything to keep their marriage happy & fun for themselves & their children! I think people are way too selfish in many cases and underrate the value of a solid marriage. Our grandparents were right when they stayed together – and were able to enjoy their grandchildren & old age together as well.


Give yourself time to grieve the idea that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or want you in his life anymore. It’s a huge, shocking blow. Don’t gloss over your disappointment, heartache, grief, pain, sadness, and fear. What helps me heal from terrible loss is writing. I write to express my pain. Other women turn to art, music, hiking in the woods or snow, swimming, decluttering the house, or traveling. Even reading can be an effective way to grieve the loss of a boyfriend’s love.
I have also felt the need for external validation, but for my social skills rather than my happiness. When I was young, I was thought of as socially awkward. I never fully believed that, but I also knew I had no evidence to prove otherwise… because outside of my family, I was just not good at getting what I wanted from other people. And so, I became highly dependent on others’ validation for both confirmation and development of my people skills. Every rejection and “no” felt like more than just an ordinary setback. I came to see other people as,… Read more »
You can do whatever you want. You really want to try that new restaurant, but your man said no. You’re crushed. If you were single, you could go whenever you wanted. You can seriously do whatever you want. Haven’t you ever noticed how happy some single women are? They don’t base their happiness on a man. They do what makes them happy and if a man is a part of their life great. If not, great.
I thought my partner was the one. Cheesy as hell right! I went back home to visit my parents for a month. He was supposed to come but made up excuses like he couldn’t get time of work, money ect. He broke up with me a week after being home over the phone while I was on the other side of the world literally. It was so hard going back knowing I had lost my house, cat everything. I had to live at a friends house until I found my feet again. He asked my to find a house in another state! Which for some stupid reason, I did!!? He new he wanted to break up with me before I left. He couldn’t give me a reason. Nothing. It was just because. It took him over a month to tell me some sort of reason. But still to this day tells me how much he loves me how much he wants to see me and every now and then reminds me we will never be together. He told me today he slept with someone else. It killed me inside. I’m numb, confused and so so hurt. Who new your actually felt pain when your heart gets torn to spreads. I find my self reading this artical and I think what the fk was I thinking chasing someone who doesn’t love me the way I deserve to be loved. Great article.
We’ve been married 8 years. Suddenly his dreams switch 180 and I’m to blame when they don’t come true. From wanting to settle down and be a farmer now he suddenly wants to become an Evangelist, with us having 5 kids in tow. Now I am a very religious woman, but this 180 has sent me for a loop. All we’ve talked about is having our own place, and now he tells me that this has always been his dream and I’m holding him back. I can make it without him, but I feel like I owe it to the kids to keep going. There are times I don’t want to even look at him, and times I want to show him the door. I know marriage isn’t based on love, it’s a commitment between two people. But I’m tired of being blamed for everything going wrong in our lives, and I’m tired of our kids seeing how he treats me. Do I think our marriage is over? Yeah, it’s been over quite a while. Am I gonna hang for the kids? Yeah, gonna do that too. See, what some of you don’t get is that after you have kids, it’s not about you anymore. They didn’t ask to be created, to be born, but here they are. It’s not about how you feel or he feels or she feels, it’s about how can you get along together for the kids sake. Maybe separate bedrooms or even something more than that, but the kids come first in a marriage. Your life is not your own anymore. Grow up, grow a set, get over it and get on with life. The kids are the most important thing, not anything else.
I’m sorry. I did misunderstand. I thought it was three exwives. I know you pain…I just gave up on my husband love more than life today. Our spouses have OCPD obsessive Compulsive Personalty Disorder which is not the same as OCD. Read about it. It was not till I read about it that I understood. I can do nothing right…I never have. I make twice his salary and take care of monetary things more so than he does. He bitched, groans,complains, cuts be down, I can do nothing right, clean nothing right, he dominates every minute of my time when he is here and when he isn’t here. Leaves me lists of work to do to keep me busy on my off days and I work 50 hours per week…I’m exhausted with him and it’s taking scroll on my health. The rants, fits and rage…I just can’t take…I gave up today and told him I wanted a divorce..I just wanna die

Try to determine the cause of your boyfriend’s mood. Ask him if he had a bad day at work, a fight with a friend or if he lost something important to him. Learning the cause behind his mood is the first step to dealing with it. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t want to talk. He may not answer, but just asking shows him that you care and gives him an invitation to talk when he’s ready.
Funny that I had the same question and my name is Katie. But I refuse to accept the answer. My boyfriend and I are a perfect match. But just because he has a diagnosed mood disorder, I should drop him? No. That is selfish. After being with my boyfriend for 3+ years, he gone from constantly miserable to having the occassional cruddy day. He saw how his behavoir affected me, yet I didn’t just leave. Now he tries to better himself and fight through his bipolar and depression because he hates hurting people. Especially me.

I grew up in a home where the men have sharp wit, make puns, tell entertaining stories and speak fluent sarcasm. Life in general is addressed with a side of humor. I am drawn to people with this sense of humor, from friends and co-workers to strangers and customers. I love the challenge and excitement that witty banter provides me. I find it’s my way of connecting with people.
But you did none of those things that my ex did. You tried. You talked to your boyfriend. You discussed these issues with him. You say you tried to get him to seek out help. I would’ve been so thankful if my ex had treated me like you treated yours. And I would’ve probably responded with positive changes. The fact that your ex didn’t, means you did the right thing by walking out. There’s only so much you can do to help your partner heal when they are not cooperating in any way. I wish you quick recovery and complete healing in getting through this post-breakup stage, which is indeed very hard.

Your article “A Man Won’t Be Happy WITH You, If He’s Not Happy With Himself”. Was very insightful and it made me realize that I’ve been very harsh on my boyfriend lately. I feel like in some way I’ve failed as a girlfriend to be more transparent to his needs. My boyfriend is retired military so much of his training has some type of hand in him being unemotionally available. Plus his job is very very very demanding lately its been tough on him and his health, our relationship. Here I am still standing firm in God and faith that seasons come and go, storms shall pass.
On the issue of why did it took so long.  One possibility could be that he has a one dimensional sense of humor.  I have a friend that I thought was hilarious when I first met him.  But over time I noticed it was the same jokes over and over again.  It started to become predictable and not so funny.  I guess it would kind of be like dating a guy that never graduated potty jokes.  Might be funny at first but starts getting old after a while.
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4years and he says im contolling and he is unhappy now and he doesnt want to fix anything he just wants to end it. I love him alot but he isnt even trying to work it out or giving me a chance. He says he has waited for me to change and he sees that im the same person and he is done waiting. We use to talk about getting married and now he tells me he doesnt see us getting married. I dont want to loose him and i want to fight for him and he sees he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late for that.
Hi, my husband and i has only been married for 6 months when he started cheating on me, before that we were in a long distance relationship for 5 years, he was overseas while i lived in Australia and I have waited long time for us to be finally together. I’m his second wife and i thought that things would be different for us. From the tme i found out about the cheating which is through social media chatting, I hid it from all the people including my family for i was protecting him until such time that he emotionally abuse me and went his way to see her and commited adultery.

I’m not completely sure what will happen between me and my current (and first) boyfriend but he I moody and so far I have been trying to understand and be kind to him, I’m not planning on leaving him… at the moment.. I just instead decided to try and help him out, because I still love him, even when he bring me down.. because I honesty know how hard it is to try and cope when you have mental illness, I myself have very bad anxiety but I’m getting help for it. I also am starting to believe that my loved one was in a sense..”dumped” the same way I notice quite a few of you ladies have chosen to with your moody guys.. I just don’t want to do that to him! Because I wouldn’t want someone to give up on me! I find fulfillment from helping someone out anywas, I also take it from my Christian faith, giving love unconditionally.
My husband has cheated on more than 5 times since we got married3 years. He even done it while I was sick in the hospital due to our first child.These were not one night stand type of thing. He had emotional affairs(as far as I know, I highly suspected that he was also intimate with at least two women). Each affair lasted at least for 3 months. I have attempted to leave the marriage several times, but each time, my family and friends mediated us( I’m from a tradition were divorce is highly discouraged). Our last fight was November,2011.He denied the affairs each time and made me look like I was paranoid. He is always dismissing the situation and it’s always the same answer: were are “just friends” ,nothing is going on, “it’s not what it seems”. The ladies are all his coworkers…he is a contractor so he takes a new contract every few months and that’s when he starts the affair. He met the current woman he is talking to February,2012. I suspected he was at it again but I was afraid of finding out about it so I was avoiding it till yesterday, when he handed me his cellphone to check he’s new apps. I check his email and my worse nightmare come to life! He has been communicating with this lady at least 20 times a day! Note: She was let go of the company last week and he was still communicating with her, he even told her that he had a dream of her and asked her how she was doing.

Times he ignores his previous debt, and I take that very serious. I feel like I am raising a child sometimes. He said he feel awkward when going out and he has to observe his surroundings. I just don’t know what to do. I find my self looking for another outlet. Like going out and having good good convo with others. One time we were all drinking me and my friends and he aggressively choked me. I almost went to my exs house that night I was so upset. We made up but I felt that was because of liquor. I am trying to bring some passion back
He told me during the "talk" that he is afraid to introduce anything new or spontaneous into our reltionship because he can't know how I will react. I might get angry or resent him for offering advice or being better at something than I am. I tried to tell him that he can't assume things like that, and to call me out when my reactio is unwarrented, but he shuts down and then feels guilty for bringing it up to begin with.

Sometimes, people have to sacrifice some of their dreams to settle down and be a responsible spouse or parent. It is natural to do some wishful thinking about things you could have done in your life. However, if you find that your husband talks about his dreams of living somewhere else, making different choices or having a completely different lifestyle, you might interpret this as a sign that he is unhappy in the marriage and longing for a change.

If I could add one more thing.  I wish women would stop writing ‘make me laugh’ on dating profiles.  This is different from saying ‘I’m looking for someone with a similar sense of humor’ etc I’m talking about the women who literally write stuff like ‘he needs to make me laugh’ or something along those lines.  No need for the added pressure of making you laugh on a date.  It will happen or it won’t.  How would you feel if you thought you needed to make your date laugh from the get go?
Nothing makes a man ready to listen to how dissatisfied you are like hearing how your friend Jessica’s husband takes care of the kids every Saturday for the whole afternoon while she trains for a triathlon.  Obviously he will commiserate with you over the injustice that Jessica, who despite her athleticism is not even that hot, has a better husband than you have.  He might even be so overcome with sympathy that he walks directly out of the house.  Don’t worry, I’m sure he is headed to buy you flowers to make up for his stupidity and selfishness.
I’ve been married 10 years. We have a beautiful daughter a handsome little boy. I feel really disconnected from my husband, and our love life is almost non-existent. I don’t know what to do. I love my husband and I want to make it work for the both of us and our kids, but I don’t feel like I’m getting what I need from him in order to feel loved and secure in this relationship. I think he may be seeing someone else, but I don’t know for certain. I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know what to do!

I agree with Brian, too. All my life, I would hear that women want men with a sense of humor. That always puzzled me, as I never found that I cared about that myself. Then, I was reading an article by another male dating advisor, I think linked from this site, and I got it. He was explaining how women are emotional beings, and when they say they want a man with a sense of humor, they’re really looking for an emotional connection. Aha! I could now relate to my own version of that: I always valued being friends with guys, so much so that sometimes when there was a guy I liked, I would envy his female friends more than his girlfriend–if their relationship appeard to me to be superficially based.
Hello. I am 38 years old. I have 3 children, 2 from a previous relationship. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 8. We started out as friends. There was no question when you saw one, you saw the other. As time went on, before we got married….I realized something was different. I did some looking and he was having intimate conversations/infidelity with anther woman. I was broken at that moment. He begged me to marry him and it would be better, how dumb. Then here comes my son..that was 10 years ago and he is so distant and none caring. We dont have that same connection. He doesnt care what I say financially, socially, or anyway. I received a STD a few months ago in which he informed me could have come from the toilet seat!! I squat/stand!! I am also a nurse?? He continues to insult my intelligence daily. I am a God fearing woman, but he pushes me daily into something mentally that I dont want to do. He often brings up the fact that we only have one child together. He brings up what my children dont do..This man does nothing in house or not. Granted he does have a job, but in the past year he acts as though I am using him or something. We wash his clothes, pick up behind him. we cook and he may eat or not. He attends church every Sunday and takes the kids. I am not a saint by no means!! I am a woman who knows what I have to do daily. I have no time for foolishness. I get tired, I have no outlet…I have no husband I can talk to or confide in, he’s gone. He lies. Goes places and swears he’s with the guys. I cant express my feelings because the first thing he says is, “what about me”, “I feel the same way”, “Noone listens to me so I dont say nothing”. So what? I have been divorced once, but in this instance my exhusband has now come out!
I have been married for 51 years. I have 3 children and 4 beautiful grandsons. I have worked from the time I have been 5 and went in business for myself after quitting school at 16 and through through the years made a fine living and gave my family what I never had,spoiling them for the most part. When things changed was prior to having our children after marriage, by the way my wife and I courted for 3 years and never had sex. My wife is a very pretty women then and now at 68. I use to drink at times and that would cause to her to say I was drunk weather I had one drink or 10. My goal in life has always been to provide for my family and now to make sure that when I die my wife will be able to live without having to work, and that is place with a secure income not a lot but one she will live a decent life.
It's normal for the intense of excitement of a new relationship to wane over time. But that doesn't mean your partner should be apathetic towards you. As Bizzoco says, "It [might] seem as if getting to see you or be with you has little importance to them." You might also notice a little less excitement in their eyes, and it can hurt. So be sure to speak up.
I have been married for 2 years and I met my husband at church. He was such a wonderful and amazing man that after dating for 7 months we got married. Once we moved in he changed so much… I get it once you move in together you get to know the REAL person you married. But mann did he show me who he really was. After having 2 kids we no longer have communication, happiness or sex. Its heartbreaking to be taken for granted and knowing you love that person but he did tell me straight to my face he is no longer happy nor gets excited about me.
Bf of 3 years broke up with me months ago. We are from different countries andoved abroad for a year now moved back to my country. We were supposed to have a fresh start but he broke things off before we moved. We met up a few times and made out a few times after break up. But now he said he will only come back to my life once I move on. It is so difficult to hear things like it and I am still devastated. I am sure I can make things right only if he gives us one more chance but I also know he is far away gone.
Reading all in an effort to know how to talk to an adult daughter. She said she was diagnosed with chronic low grade depression. Sometimes it is hard to be around her. She finds slights where there are none. One of her brothers said he does't know how to act around her, that it is like walking on eggshells. She throws a lot of "nasties" at me; thinks it is ok to criticize me in front of others, etc. Mostly, I have not responded but since I low my youngest son, her behavior overwhelms me. Lately, it has gotten to the "straw that broke the camel's back". I would like to sit her down and tell her how this affects me but am concerned how that would in turn affect her. We all hurt since I lost my son. He was a loving, affectionate, kind person; it is as we lost the sunshine coming into a room. Saying that because I think that is affecting my former tolerance. Any good advise out there? Thanks.

I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats family and friends well, and has a calm yet serious personality that complements my emotional personality, which flusters easily.
alot of things have happend between us. He wanted a threesome i did it for him to make our marriage more exciting, i slept with another guy because he wanted me too, and in the end he went and told everybody i was messing around and did not tell them the truth why i did it. He beat me up so bad when friends of our asked if my husband will impreganate them, as the male friend could not have kids and they bady wanted children, we agreed then my husband and “girl friend” said on one condition that her husband and i have to sleep together that aswell then we cant hold anuthing against each other. after all said and done we did, only to find out they said they could not go through it. i was beaten black and blue my eyes were beaten shut! he punished me and i had to have sex with him for his forgiveness.
hey a guy should not like u because of what u look like all the time he should like u for how u are and what kind of hart u have i should no my boyfriend i have now is my hero he loves me treats me good my others were not they only wonted what i had so just think about what i said and just be your self and have fun because u never no what might happen

Where and how do you start getting healthy and letting go? You try different things until you find what works for you. Maybe a marriage counseling program will help. Maybe you need to do something, such as changing your life — perhaps by moving to a different city, traveling, or getting individual counseling. Some people find physical spa treatments helpful, or alternative therapies such as reiki or energy healing.
It sounds like your sadness and depression is related to the woman next door — and you need to listen to your heart and gut, and move away. Maybe your husband will go with you and you can rebuild your relationship, or maybe not…but you may be much happier if you’re not living next door to the woman your husband had a physical or emotional affair with.
The same thing can feel completely different depending on our point of view. At the beginning and in the end we are simply much more aware of the blessings we just got, or lost. So, don’t let gifts you have in your hands slip between your fingers. Practice gratefulness and your whole experience of life will change. Appreciate everything good about your partner and make him know that. Nothing makes us more willing to be good than a person who sees us that way.
It doesn’t matter what you think about him or how much love you gave him. You’ll never change him, make him healthier, or get him back. Don’t chase him or beg him to come back to you. It hurts, but you can’t have the relationship you wanted. It’s as simple – and as terrible – as that. He doesn’t love you the way you love him. No matter what you do, you won’t change his mind or make him love you.
@lonelywife I’m sorry to have upset you, I didn’t mean my comment as a smug or I’m better than someone else type comment. I meant is as a push towards taking every effort to stay together – not for people with abusive partners- absolutely not, they should protect themselves emotionally and/or physically. I am on here because I just found out about my family member that revealed their marriage is just a piece of paper now and they are living separately under the same roof. They are actually good friends and seem fine with it but have children – and I think they just missed out on date night (which they did) for 5 years and could give themselves a second chance. That is why I was searching out for information on marriages and divorce. I just know my parents and my husband’s parents have been together for over 30 years each and they went in ups and downs, it wasn’t all perfect of course, but they are still happy they are together through everything. Love is a funny thing, and some people have what it takes to be life long partners and there are a lot of benefits to that for themselves AND their children – and then there are people who just aren’t good together period. I just think people in our generation are getting too caught up in what makes them happy in the moment without really valuing what they have built thus far together and the long term future – especially if they are having fun meeting someone new without giving their marriage a full chance. Hope you understand where I was coming from now.
I agree with Cathy, Aly. You struck a deep nerve for something. I am so sorry. I have just realized my husband of almost 30 years was not the man he pretended to be either. And he pretended the entire marriage, while rejecting me to the point I have been in what is considered a sexless marriage. I was a beautiful, happy, intelligent girl once but now that I am ill and old he told me he is a sex addict, that he has fantasies about every women I’ve ever been close to, that he took my (soon to become) best friend for sex the day before our wedding and the reason his suit was not ready was because he wasn’t planning on going through with it, that he wanted to leave me for her for the first 3-1/2 years of marriage… when his ‘first’ disclosure got past 6 women and he mentioned how full of life and energy my granddaugther was I exploded. She is/was 6 years old at the time. He goes after anything with a pulse and is one of the guys that masturbate in public hoping to get caught — even in areas with children. However, I thought he was a shy, sweet, creative and gentle man who would never harm a soul and didn’t have a dishonest bone is his body. He has enjoyed letting me know what a fool I was… then he retreats and becomes the person I thought he was, but this is only because he hasn’t gotten his next victim lined up. After I realized something didn’t feel right (illness can bring incredible clarity) then he took his mask off, and he was an insect wearing an Edgar suit. Truly evil, manipulative and cunning — not one bit like who I believe for my entire adult life. My shock just can’t settle down.

7. Don’t talk behind his back: All couples are bound to encounter some difficult times, but airing your dirty laundry is usually a bad idea (unless your partner is abusive or doing something illegal or dangerous, in which case you should definitely seek the help of a third party). If you have run-of-the-mill relationship drama, ranting to your friends and family will often make things worse. Remember, just because you can forgive your man, it doesn’t mean they can. If you plan on working past it, keep it to yourself.
Notice that nothing about that response was accusatory.  It’s so tempting to ask him where you couldn’t meet his impossibly high standards but try very hard to resist this urge.  Because he has approached you and been very honest with you.  This gives you a chance to fix things before they get worse.  And although I know that it may not feel like it right now, this is a definite advantage and you truly can fix this.  I hear from so many women who have already been served divorce papers or whose husband has already left the home.  This isn’t the case here and these are very important distinctions.

I also pray for acceptance, wisdom, and guidance for you. May you seek God’s heart in all the decisions you make about your marriage and your future. May you accept His will, His desires, and His guidance for your life. I don’t know what the future holds for you, but God does. I pray that you can rely on Him, turn to Him, and lean on Him – even if you believe you have all the signs your marriage is over. I pray for health, for healing, for restoration in your life. I pray that you find hope and faith, and that you open your heart to any possibility that God might bring you. Be open, be willing to follow His will even if it’s painful. Give your marriage to God, and He will strengthen and uphold you no matter what happens.
If I am talking to someone who might have a different outlook from mine I find areas that we do have a common experience and talk and laugh about that.  Expecting to be entertained by your mate does not seem to be very realistic or mature.  I understand the pull and the excitement that the back and forth banter can create, but lets be real that kind of banter is all about being INTERESTING not INTERESTED.  If you find someone who does that with you, you will most likely end up with someone who will compete with you for attention.
"Wife" and "independent woman " seems to be a contradiction BUT..anyway, one point is good to remember(just my opinion) is that if you're too proud (stephanie) or lazy to do these things, there is a woman somewhere watching and waiting. She do these things for him. She is at his job, church golf resort, gym. she's your best friend or even your relative. I think women have an instinctive way to tell that a man isn't being taken care of at home. Get rid of pride and take care of your man.
Your article “A Man Won’t Be Happy WITH You, If He’s Not Happy With Himself”. Was very insightful and it made me realize that I’ve been very harsh on my boyfriend lately. I feel like in some way I’ve failed as a girlfriend to be more transparent to his needs. My boyfriend is retired military so much of his training has some type of hand in him being unemotionally available. Plus his job is very very very demanding lately its been tough on him and his health, our relationship. Here I am still standing firm in God and faith that seasons come and go, storms shall pass.
I am hoping that by typing out my woes I will be able to come to a decision on what I should do. In my relationship of 5 1/2 years when it is good it is very very good but when it goes bad it is awful. Currently we do not live together as I have had to move to another town to support youngest sons education. Organising to do this was fraught with difficulty. Lots of sulking and accusations of you don’t love me etc. In the end I just went ahead and did it. My husband is not my son’s father. After I told him that he was an abusive man and I was not going to put up with it any longer he went and got some counselling. It seem to help. Things have been good, not ideal but good until this weekend. We had an argument and one of the things he said to me “when it comes to the important thnings we just can’t communicate about it”. He also said that “you have a really long memory and that he has no doubt that what we were arguing about will come back to haunt him”. The thing is that what we were arguing about I agreed with the decision that had to be made. That was the Friday night. Saturday night I ring him up and after the usual pleasantries he launched into a tirade and said that he was going to this, this and this. He then said that he guessed that there wasn’t much else to talk about and hung up. I was stunned and realised that things haven’t really changed at all. The only difference being that because we have been separated and because we haven’t been living together it has lessened the impact of negative behaviour. Now I know logically I should ring him back and say that I understand that the decision needed to be made and i am not disagreeing with him but I don’t like the way he went about it. This decision is extremly difficult and emotional for me and he has not acknowledged that in any way. I always feel that it is me trying to make right with him. Also I have a chronic health condition and have been told to minimise stress as much as possible. It is all about him and his money. I guess what saddened me most is that I have realised that he hasn’t actually changed at all, it has just been sleeping. I am scheduled to move back with him beginning of next year but now I am wondering if it is going to be right for me. Perhaps this blow up over the weekend is a message to me.
known my wife 50 yes been married 43, Can’t stand to talk to her,eat with her be around her.I have so much animosity toward her I get ill just looking at her. For the last 20yrs its like talking to wall.She never does what she says she will do. I feel like i have been beating a dead horse.Try everything to save marriage but nothing has worked So now I have shut down.We are just existing together.We got married at the age of 21 me and her 19.Tried to have affair felt to guilty could not perform.No sex or contact of any kind just passing time. Lord how it ever get this screwed up.
And the tendency to pull down a woman with a voice immediately she opines is the only thing that can be expected from a quintessial north indian . And these are times when I have to praise Marx , especially his conception of " economic determinism " , which tends to exalt economically remunerative activities as the only worthwhile activities to be taken into consideration , rest other activities being not so important , if calling them not important at all sounds too politically incorrect . Since men predominantly indulge , or rather made to indulge as a compulsion , in such activities hence it automatically fans the causalistic probability that men are more superior than women . Thanks to the radical feminists and their " personal is political " chant , which did a great job in pinpointing how women toil hard to sustain the entire system . God has made men and women , or rather humankind , to complement each other , and fulfill each other's lives , not to lay a claim of superiority or inferiority over each other on the basis of what one does . When posts highlighting the areas how women are victimised are broadcasted , I see enough butt-hurt men commenting shits , when you'll are responsible for this entire system . Why can't then she as a woman voice her opinion with reference to a so called menist post !
The truth is, men are mostly taught to “man-up” and deal with our own emotions. We aren’t told how, when and where to release them or to deal with them in a healthy manner. It’s basically just “stop acting like a little b*tch and get over it”. And sometimes the issues that men go through are much DEEPER than just a momentary emotion, because some dudes are dealing with severe mental problems, but because mental illness is such a taboo topic (especially for BLACK men), it becomes a subject that gets overlooked.
I feel for a lot of you on this blog because I have been through it too and even though I have been seperated 17 months now I look at things in a new perspective. I was married for 23 years and with him for 27 we were high school sweethearts and I can tell you, that things might get better for a bit but it will always come back. I kicked him out on our wedding anniversary and since that day I have been through so much hurt as I found out that he is a drug addict and wonder why our marriage did not work out. He was lying and sneaking all the time and also I was mentally and phically abused for years. I put up with it my whole life because he made me feel I could never do better in life without him and when you are constantly put down it is the way your programmed to think. Since we split his drug use becaome way worse, he would steal from the house and do very evil tings behind my back. He even lost my house as he did not let me know that the mortage was behind and 5 days before last christmas I had to vacate my home with my two year old grandson that I am raising. There hass been so many games done to me that it almost makes me puke but I can tell you that I have loved him so much for the entire seperation, but two weeks ago something happened to change my mind and I dont even know what it was. All the sudden I dont have the same feelings for him and I am not calling him much anymore. I have wanted him to come back to me but I think that it is because he mentioned that he wants to work things out with me and I really dont know how to feel about that. All I can tell you is that my feelings are not the same. I think that I have fonally gotton over this hurt and I forgive him for everything. We shared our whole lives together and its over and I dont think that we can repair it. I know that I pay for my own things now and I am raising my grandson and really I have come to terms with that I dont need anyone as a partner. Sure I could have got someone else in my life but I never wanted to hurt anyone because I know that If I got another guy that I would drop him like a hot potatoe as soon as my ex wanted to come back, never wanted to involve anyone else. I thought that when he was done his drugs that he would come home. Problem is I dont think at this point I want him back. I realize that he loved me chasing him, texting him and calling him and the more I dont do it the more it intises him to see what I am up too and why I dont call. I am tired of the game as it has consumed my well being. You cannot change anyone ever. For awhile they may change but as they say you cannot change a tigers stripes and I believe that is the truth. I never wanted to ever be alone, but I asked myself do I really want to live like that again ang the answer is definately not. I dont want to raise my grandson in a fighting home, i did that with my kids and I was wrong for it. Good luck to all and remember if your not happy get out of it, dont waste your life you only have one. It is not worth it in end. I didnt want to be 80 years old rocking in my chair wishing i still did not have to live this life. Anyone can do better for themselves, sure they might not have as much but I can tell you now that I am not with him I can make sure I have things as he is the one who always cost a crap load of money..there is so much to my story but I cant tell it all it would take forever. Good luck everyone.
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At this moment, I am still ready to move on, but again, the fault is mine!! “If you want to stay with me it is OK, otherwise I can’t stop you from leaving” are the actual words”. It is difficult to equalize the things we did to each other, but I cannot forgive her now only to plot how to hurt her bad down the road. This is what she did to me. In her defence for my presenting the evidence, my “affair” constantly came up. She still refuses therapy and I am at a breaking point. She still claims she has not done anything wrong and I guess according to Laurie’s article this smells like the end. I refuse to believe that, but I guess it is a matter of time before more truth smacks me in the face and wakes me up from this illusion that I live in.
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If you feel your man might be growing unhappy in your relationship, I suggest you sit down and talk to him. Lay it out on the table and tell him, to be honest about how he really feels. At the end of the day, you could be worried about nothing. However, a sudden change in behavior is rarely ever a good sign in a relationship. So you have every right in the world to wonder what’s really going on.

If your partner can't meet you halfway during an argument, or when making joint decisions, take note. "Relationships involve compromise," says NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. "You do things you don't necessarily want to do for someone because you care and want to see them happy." An unhappy parter simply won't be able to muster the energy.
I have been married to my wife for 22 years this year. She and I have had a very up and down life together. she told me when we got married she wanted to stay home and raise children. I agreed. Now we have a 17 year old and a 9 year old. She has never had to work, and my job has been high stress and full of disappointments as I have strived to make enough for us to have the lifestyle we both say we want. I have been wrongfully terminated three times (proven in court). I have really struggled to rebuild my career but being in a public position has been very strenuous. As a longtime CEO and now private consultant in the public sector for the past 6 years my economic stress has been huge. I gained a 100 pounds over the years. So in 1999, my wife had an affair with a man, while I was working on the road to make enough money to take care of my family and find a way for us to relocate together. I was devastated. We did go to marriage counseling and our marriage survived this very hurtful situation. I found out she blamed me for the affair, saying our life had taken a toll on our emotionally and she thought she needed to jump ship to find economic security. I relocated us and then again to another state. So we reconnected and had our next little one. Now we have a second home in a well known lake community about 2 hours from our home. She over the past three to four years has taken to going there on her own because she is on a local talk show and says doing that gives her purpose and makes her happy. I usually have to stay behind and work and take care of the kids when she goes there. She gets no pay for the show, it is quite popular and she goes out usually when she is there with her local girlfriends some married, some divorced and some just barfly’s in their late 40’s looking to hook up and be told their sexy. She has gotten into several situations where either a friend has texted me seeing her out with the girls and other men and been suspicious and so on. I have told her repeatedly if you put yourself in these situations sooner or later something bad will happen that will affect us negatively. She thinks I don’t trust her and she loves to dance and have fun. She thinks I am being overly paranoid. She also says she has not been attracted to me because of my weight and that is what has been keeping us apart and less than intimate. She says she loves sex and she is always used to being the center of attention, she is still in great shape and gorgeous even at 49. She gets hit on all the time by men and she seems to enjoy the third party attention and affirmation of her sex appeal still. So then 6 months ago I find out she has been having another cyber affair over facebook and she hooked up with this guy in our lake town to have dinner and chat… she says nothing happened. He is the brother of one of her closets friends who comes over every week to have dinner with us as she just got divorced herself. Our two sons are friends and play baseball together. So I confronted her about all this and she just said, It was stupid I don’t want out of our marriage and she says she ended it. I even found a card he sent her where he said, he felt their meeting had brought them to a new level in their relationship. So I went on a diet and have lost about 50 pounds thus far. Things seemed better, then she went over to the lake house this past weekend with a married girlfriend that was visiting from out of town, who has been her friend since childhood. They went to the bar with the girls, my wife got so drunk she couldn’t drive and was talking to some 20 something man for a longtime and being very confrontational. She drinks at least a couple glasses of wine per day she says it keeps her sane in my high stress and uncertain world of finances. I got behind on our taxes after 2008 and dug a big hole and have been negotiating with the IRS to find a way to settle them. Being self-employed is hard to keep them current and pay for everything. Everytime I confront her about how her going out makes me feel really insecure she just says I am holding onto the past and that I think she is a whore and/or slut, and she has done nothing wrong. I wish I could believe her, but I just can’t get 100% comfortable with this lifestyle or trusting her again. She has broken my heart now two times. Somehow I still love her. I love our family and I don’t want to break it up. But this is killing me and she always places the blame on me for all circumstances and then says this is what gets her stressed out. I am just lost. I don’t know what I should do, or how I can get our relationship back on track or whether she really wants to do so. Everytime we fight she says after our son graduates we are over. That just makes my heart sink… then later she will come back and say, I was just mad, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want our marriage to end. But it happens again always and it did last night as well. This time I just said, “You created this situation, I am not willing to accept the blame for it, and I can see our attorney next week and end this if that is what you want?” Then she says I threatened to divorce her and it is my fault again. I can’t get her words out of my mind I am fat, she is not attracted to her and when we are intimate she has to hold her breath or she says I nearly crush her until she can’t breath. Now I am a big guy. 6’3″ and 280 pounds still and most women find me attractive. Even her girlfriends say they would kill to have her life. Many of them have told me that they think she is crazy to not be truly happy she has a kind, loving and caring man in her life that treats her like a queen and never berates her, or abuses her mentally or physically. I try to make everything our family needs come true… I work really hard, but I also attract a great deal of public detractors due to my public life by way of bloggers and web postings. I am a public speaker, author and public sector consultant engaged in negotiating deals between local governments and businesses that want to expand or relocate to a new area and create jobs. I have been doing this for 22 years since we first married. I don’t have any other knowledge of how to make enough to pay our bills. I feel trapped, confused and don’t know if my marriage is salvageable and/or whether I should keep trying. I have suggested that we go to a counselor again, but she says no, that is not what she needs. So, long story but I am totally at a loss for what direction I should choose.

“For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.” Romans 7:2-3

As you probably see, sometimes it is worth to let go or to reflect on your own behavior. Although women are mostly called the queens of drama and the ones who search for problems, there are many aspects that bother men in a relationship as well. And since the relationship should be fulfilling, motivating and happy for each partner, remember about mutual concern, acceptance, and commitment.
My situation is not exactly same as yours. But my boyfriend tends to be moody or changes mood within the day. In one instance, we’re chatting in Facebook, i was telling we got free food at work at that day and he’ll just send me a thumbs up emoticon. Normally when I tell him something about FOOD it he would say ” delicious”. We’ve had our relationship for 3 months now. That is not the only the instance of his mood swings. He would suddenly be cold to me. I would ask him ” is there a problem?” he would answer NO. Sometimes it made me think whats wrong? Did i say something stupid? Suddenly out of nowhere he would tell me I Love You. He admits that he is moody. He has bad temper at times but not to the point of hurting me. He would normally raise his voice when he doesn’t want things go the right way. I mean I can feel he really loves me but sometimes it pisses me off when he is like that. What I’m doing is just letting his bad mood passed. I’m just ignoring it. I just let his mood normalize.

I am a man and have gone through the video game addiciton. I went there to the game as an escape or catharsis from another crisis in my life. We all get into he said she said this and that trying to convince ourselves its the others fault. Look deep within for your own criticism of self as well as your spouse. Own up to how you feel and communicate with him. Stooping low and doing the same thing he is doing your own way is the surest way to ensure failure. I have blown it this way too. Further a word of caution, beware the criticism of others toward your spouse in your external relationships, less they influence the fate of your internal relationship. We all want to bounce our situation off of other Neutral pseduocounselors. Don’t fall into the trap of believing for a second you can provide that objective view for them to evaluate. It doesnt hurt to talk. Just communicate. If it fails at least you have tried.


I can’t tell you if you made the right decision, but I do encourage you to think of your long-term happiness (and health — because it’s stressful and unhealthy to be the sole income earner in your marriage like you were!). Keep your life and relationship goals at the forefront of your mind: do you want to live with a man like your husband for the rest of your life? Can you envision yourself supporting him and your household bills all alone — is that what you want your life to look like?

My husband has told me that in addition to not being happy anymore, he is "emotionally involved" with another woman. I know who the woman is and considered her a friend. (BTW- my husband is technically this woman's boss, they work together) He says he feels a connection to her that he has never felt before and can read her emotionally, and he can't do that to me. This woman feels the same towards my hubby and is divorcing her husband (I just found this out). He spoke of several events in our lives where I may not have been happy, or had sacrificed my happiness for his (In my opinion, anyway). I think he basically is trying to get me to be the bad guy. I told him that until he is happy with himself, we can't determine how our marriage will be affected. I am trying to get him to talk to somebody, on his own, as I am. If we are both happy with ourselves an our marriage is still not working, that's the time to look at the next steps. 

I have been with my husband for 9 years and married the last two of those 9. I was slightly reluctant to get married to begin with because we had our issues but things had been getting better or so I thought. The past year has been almost unbearable. I want to leave very badly but he wants to stay together because financially it would be better. I have cheated on my husband and we rarely are close to one another. I don’t feel like we connect on any level. Before things got bad I asked to try counseling and really gave it 100% now I am not even trying. I really feel like I am stuck.
I have asked my husband how best we can end it (without affecting teh kids too much) and he has ingorned my requests. I have also spoken with him and assured him that the kids and I will be fine without him – I have told him that I release him from his wedding vows – that I want him to go off and find someone to be happy with (I really want to see him happy – just not with me) and STILL he wont go. I know life is convenient here for him as his laundry and cooking is done. If I stop cooking for him, that would be mean-spirited of me (espeically in front of the kids) – – its not even as if our meals are family time as he comes to teh table, opens a newspaper or book and reads anyway. he has never been emotionally available for any of us. I have had enough and cant see a way of ending it! (He of course, thinks I am derraanged and that it is a ‘control’ game – he thinks that I am withholding sex as a kind of punsishment) – i feel I cannot just have sex with strangers!
“I had to put myself first because I was lost in a sea of pain,” says Paula on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have Time for You. “I could tell my boyfriend didn’t want me anymore and I knew nothing would change. So I set boundaries in our relationship. I should’ve broken up with him but I couldn’t. It was hard enough to do be firm about when he could come over and see me. The only thing I regret was letting my boyfriend walk all over me for as long as he did. It’s too late to undo the pain, but if you’re in an emotionally distant relationship, I hope you find strength to set your limits and stick to them.”
If leaving is not an option because of your pregnancy or beliefs, then you need to figure out how to be happy in your marriage situation. I guess that means not expecting your husband’s family to change, and deciding that you want to stay married and raise your children in his parents’ home. If you can’t leave, and you can’t change your husband or his family, then you need to change yourself so you can be happy.
If your guy doesn`t text you as much as he usually did, he may be just taking a break. While you shouldn’t make a drama out of this, try to figure out why he needs that break. He may have problems at work, at college or some family issues. If everything is fine yet he doesn’t call or text you during the day, maybe your man isn’t interested in you and your relationship overall.
But sometimes, things take a turn and all of that reassurance and security can go out the door. If something seems off, that's an issue. Your significant other is supposed to love you and make that clear with communication and action. You shouldn't be up at night wondering if your partner actually likes you or you wasted all of those highly-inspired pins on the wrong person.
There are few things like knowing that the person you're with just wants to be with you. When you feel solid and reassured by the level of love and communication in your relationship. There's no worry or stress about getting ghosted or cheating and your only worry about your partner is whether or not they've noticed that you're actively building and expanding your wedding board on Pinterest.
Bf of 3 years broke up with me months ago. We are from different countries andoved abroad for a year now moved back to my country. We were supposed to have a fresh start but he broke things off before we moved. We met up a few times and made out a few times after break up. But now he said he will only come back to my life once I move on. It is so difficult to hear things like it and I am still devastated. I am sure I can make things right only if he gives us one more chance but I also know he is far away gone.
Think about ending things with your boyfriend. How do you feel? If you feel sad and heartbroken, okay. But if you immediately feel a sense of panic like, "But what would I do? Who would I hang out with? Then I'd be the only friend without a boyfriend. Who would buy me a Christmas gift? When would I meet someone new?" that's not okay. That means you're with this person because you don't want to be alone.
My wife is 41 I’m 56. Been together 10 yrs married 9 yrs. It’s been 9 yrs of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse from her. To start, she has a complex about having small breasts. I have no problem with them. I’m not allowed to touch them, not even during sex, which now is down to once a month. Even then it’s a fight. We don’t ever “make love”. It’s just quick sex. If I try to initiate sex, it doesn’t happen. If i persist she becomes irate, obscene and it’s a big fight. I’m not allowed to caress or to kiss her. Sex is only when she initiates it. No passion or foreplay. I’ve been begging and pleading for years. We fight and argue all the time, even about simple things. The next morning she would be all cheery as if nothing happened and I of course would not be. I keep telling her she’s destroying our marriage. What complicates it is that at the beginning I put up $63K to purchase our home with a mortgage. We also have a 5 yr old son that lives with us. My first boy child. I have 4 grown girls. The abuse over the years has taken a toll and I”m ready to end the marriage. I just can’t take it anymore. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Multiply it by 10 steady years, month after month, week after week. EVERYDAY!!!

I too am in the same position, I see the signs my marriage is over. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years but am only 26 yr’s old. I started dating my husband at the age of 14 he is 9 yr’s older than me. We have two kids a 9 yr old and 4 yr old. I try to stay positive because of them but I just no longer feel that emotional aspect towards my hubby. I don’t feel love for him even when we have inter course it’s just not there. I am just wondering since am only 26 and been with him since 14 I jumped to soon. He’s a wonderful person very working, what ever I want I get, but the love from me to him is no longer there. It bothers me when he touches me or hugs me or kisses me. I don’t know what he will do if I decide to separate he’s not a strong soul very low self esteem person.
I have a confession. Sometimes, when my partner is distracted, I just look at him and wonder, what the hell is happening in that head of his? It's not that he doesn't communicate. He does. But I still wonder sometimes if he's really happy in our relationship. I know I can't be alone in this. Wouldn't we all love to be able to know for sure what's in the hearts and minds of our partners at any given moment? I do my best to look for the signs he's not happy in the relationship, but I can't help but wish someone very smart would hurry up and develop that mind reading tech already.

If your partner is pulling away, they will tend to go out alone more than they used to, New York–based relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. Keep your ear to the ground, she advises. "Whenever you see a change in behavior, something is up. And when that change excludes you, your partner is either planning you a surprise party, or, more likely, spending time away from you because he’s not happy when he’s with you in the way that he wants to be." Again, talk about it before it's too late.
"People often think about the status of their relationship and where it's headed at the beginning of the relationship, but those conversations shouldn't stop. Not being on the same page when you're committed or married leads to unhappiness and divorce. Marriage is a big job. Don't say 'We'll figure it out later.' Later means never or when it's too late." —Darius Russin, M.D., M.B.A.
Don’t fall into the trap of believing you only have two options: staying married and staying unhappy, or getting a divorce and getting happy again. If you’re feeling scared and sad because of these warning signs your marriage is over, then perhaps you’re ready to go beyond that false choice (“Do I divorce so that I can find happiness again, or do I keep the family together and remain unhappy?”).
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