Sadly my story is truly bizarre 3 years ago my hubby was seeing hooker he denied it I caught him meeting one at the gas station when he said he had, to be there at one one oclock I thought that was suspicious so I insisted on going with him a very attractive blonde came running to the right at one oclock when see saw me she turned on her heal he let on as if nothing was wrong few weeks I was out pretty sure saw him with the same blonde in our car . he denied it again we went to counselor and even the counselor told him it was pretty dam suspicious he still denied it then he got very ill at the hospital it was discovered he had hepc that had gone into livercancer,still he wouldn,t admit he passed away the last thing he did was call for her I guess her name was Kathy no one knew any one by that name… So now I have to life with burned in my heart and memories the resentment the anger grief he was only with me because of security money I am sure our kids thought he was the greatest man so does everyone else its a nightmare ..Like the counselor said selfishness and most likely sex addiction …….its hell after7mths I think I will make it but my trust is gone…since seen the same women working the streets..
I have been married for 16 years now and finally at my wits end with my wife. I do about 90% of the cooking, finances, cleaning, yardwork, grocery shopping, house/car maintenance, mowing, flowerbeds, helping kids with homework, etc. You get the picture. She is a slob, depressed and chooses to do nothing most of the time around the house (unless it is reading a book or playing video games—DUH!) although she does work full time and we have 2 children whom I love dearly. I am so tired of not getting the help I deserve from her. Did I mention that I worked on my Master’s degree and PhD also while working full time? She chose not to finish college and doesn’t want to go back…too much work for her I guess? I average around 100 hours per week (due to my PhD) and she works 40. Yet I get to do all the above items….I went into this marriage as a 50/50 split to share responsibilities and committments yet get very little from her at all. Have you ever fell asleep standing up, leaning over a dryer at 2 am because your partner wouldn’t do the laundry but she would read a book??? A romance novel to boot???? I have left the bathroom in our Master bedroom go uncleaned for the last 9 months to see if she would clean it….not a chance…she wiped out the sink and the toilet seat with a cleaning wipe and that was it. Amazingly it is OK with her. She doesn’t get dirty = germs which = people get sick more often. Her clothes are piled all over the room, she will walk out of the kitchen without thinking of doing the dishes or even wiping the counter after she messes it up. The new car we bought is constantly a disaster (so is our home) and she NEVER attempts to clean it, wax it or even take care of it. It is just over and over the same thing. I usually have to get up the next morning early and clean up everything prior to feeding my kids–which she won’t do most times “find yourself something to eat” is what normally comes out of her mouth. Weekends are a terror to me….she stays in bed until 9 or 10 am and watches TV most of the day…while I clean, have to work at the University, mow, shovel snow, etc. Can you believe what a completely non-caring self-centered individual she is?? This is the kind of lunacy that I have put up with for the last 16+ years and I am just so done with this. I am worried about my kids, whom I love dearly, and how this will impact them as well as the house being unfinished and not ready to sell yet – which it will most likely have to be since I sunk a large part of my assets into it for the down payment (she added none of her money for it). She is depressed but I am the one that is always to blame and I am SOOOO tired of it. Sex is infrequent if ever (have went as long as 8 months without her doing anything and we now are at 3 months and counting, once a month lately is a miracle)…We see a marriage counselor but that is just fingering pointing at me again and again and again. She tries a little to change but goes right back to her old habits very quickly. She never completes the change. What am I supposed to do and where can I find a woman who is caring, respectful, and wants a husband who will share the burden 50/50, not complain about it, is active, highly intelligent and deeply cares about a partner that they are in love with???? I am to the point that I have stopped caring about her and rarely have anything positive to say about her, to her or for her. I have lost my sex drive for her and really don’t care to have sex with her anymore. She has caused so much hurt and anxiety with her “not doing it ” attitude (I realize that this is linked to the depression also – which is permanent post partum and will most likely never get any better). I am the one with the “problem” —HUH???? OMG I will go insane if I hear that again at the counselors office. What can I do? All I want is a nice, caring, share the burden with me, wife that appreciates a good relationship and is willing to care about the family, house and us???? I apologize for the poor grammar, spelling errors and the associated but I am just so fed up with it!!!
If you're not happy with your husband, you might be falling into an emotional affair, making another male the priority in your life. And thanks to today's technology, it's easier than ever to get caught up. "Technology has allowed people who might never risk having any kind of affair to flirt online," says Dr. Wendy M. O'Connor, a licensed marriage, family therapist, relationship coach, and author of Love Addiction: How to Overcome Toxic Relationships & Find Love. "This creates a situation of 'temptation,' and not everything that takes place online stays online. People are bolder when hiding behind a screen, and often click on send without thinking first." If your relationship is already on the rocks, giving yourself to someone else — even if that's only virtually — will only make things worse.
M 23. I got married 8 months ago. it was a love marriage. we dated for 2 years before getting married and we were madly in love. but since our wedding, things have not turned out they way they should have. we are just fighting all the time and abusing each other. all this started with his family misbehaving with me. i could cpe up with that and i reacted. he said he couldn’t take a word against them. and gradually we have stopped being physically intimate and this morning he said he doesn’t love me anymore the way he did. is it really over???

I don’t think you were getting it. These men ( not all men) have something going on but they will not accept there is a problem. Take it from me I am going through it. They only think of themselves and are nice to you when they want something. They say things that make you feel you have done something wrong and everything is your fault. I really think they believe their own shut. It just comes out and to them it’s real. But for someone not to be interested in helping theirselves to make a difference in their lives is crazy. Yes there may be people who’s personally changes due to illness and that shouldn’t be ignored. But I would say. If that person doesn’t want to seek help after a while the partner won’t be able to cope no matter how understanding they are
I guess the question here is as the topic suggests: “Is my marriage over?” Are these all signs that she is heading for the exits and as soon as good opportunity comes along she will leave me? Is she just going through midlife crisis? Till some of these questions are resolved, I am destined to a life without any kind of love, communication, being called scary monster etc, let alone any sex. A corollary question is ” Should I be heading for the exits? I do love her (she would chuckle on this one) and just cannot imagine my life after divorce. Also, the idea that my girls will have another “father” simply devastates me. On the other hand, I am 46, not exactly the time to go out and build again something useful and stable. To say that I am depressed is understatement. Many times I contemplated suicide, even thought of how to write the final letter

Thank you for your support. I assume that the response was that I am the guilty party, which is OK. I can take that. My mistake was that carrying on after my “affair” was a sign of forgiveness. After all, even in “fault” states if a woman sleeps with her husband after infidelity that is a sign that she moved on and has no reasons to sue later on. Yes, our marriage is one of assymetry. My wife has always used sex as a barganing chip, claiming that she does not need it and that is my reward for “good behavior”. I guess I was always a man of somewhat low self esteem and I put that on myself.However, our story does have updates. Soon after I posted, I found out that she did not only posted on one site but on multiple sites. All full blown profiles with pictures and everything. I found checked profiles of men she apparently liked on many sites. What was a full-blown smack in the head was a number of searches on dating sites, google, chat forums about “how to date a married woman”, “pitfalls of dating a married woman” “why men talk dirty online”, “how not to be a pervert”, even for terms like “eating man’s cake”. Numerous links to background checks, reverse phone numbers lookups. Even the search ” I kissed a man and did not feel anything? Why?” My head was absolutely spinning. Months of lies and deception. And then come more lies. When confronted, she came up with a story of lonelines and just looking for friends, even claiming she did not post pictures when I actually have them on disk. She quickly went on to delete the profiles from the sites I mentioned to her, but left intact those that I did not. Quite stupis behavior, caught liek a dear in the headlights. And no she did not kiss anyone, but no explanation for the search. Could anybody come up with a reasonable explanation why would a woman do such a serch. I am dying to get an unbiased opinion. Just when you think you know somebody. To think that I actually believed that she does not like sex!! I could only imagine what her mailbox looks like! Do I even want to know?

My husband also told me that he wasn’t happy in our marriage.  Unfortunately, I took no action and didn’t take this all that seriously.  As a result, we separated and almost divorced.  I wish I had handled it differently because I had a lot of catching up to do.  Luckily, I finally stumbled upon some strategies that worked.  If it helps, you can read the whole story on my blog http://isavedmymarriage.com
Start by evaluating why you are unhappy. Then consider when your partner/boyfriend might be receptive to hearing you. Do not wait until an argument, or until the next trigger for your unhappiness. Try and think of realistic, positive outcomes and how to achieve them. Maybe after a fun activity, or during a private moment, try asking them what they think about the problem. Start small. And be open minded! Sometimes the problem looks different once you lay it out on the table. Remember, this is a relationship -- you have to be able to give AND take!

If there is something that your husband did in the past that really upset you, yet you have said you have forgiven him for, just let it go. Whether it's the anniversary he forgot, or heaven forbid the woman he slept with while you two were dating. If you have said you have forgiven him, stop bringing it up. It may be an easy way to push his buttons in an unrelated argument, but know it is detrimental to any relationship to hold on to things that are meant to stay in the past.
How To Respond When He’s Saying That He Loves You But Isn’t Happy:  First of all, do not get overly emotional.  Don’t question him in a way that sounds accusatory or implies that he’s mistaken because of his own selfishness or because he expects too much.  Make it very clear that his problems are your problems because you want for him to be happy in a very healthy marriage.  You both deserve nothing less.
In defense of Steve, I would say practical advice depends very much on personal circumstances. I identify totally with the sentiments of the article but I’m in no way like “Kevin”. I know my default happiness is internal, but my ways of reconnecting to it will be different to Kevin. The men’s work you do depends on who you are and how far you are from where you want to be.
Just think about how it would look if the tables were turned. If you man lies to his best friend and says that he can’t hang out because he is slammed with work, but really wants to do something with you, that is an unnecessary lie, right? It makes you feel uncomfortable, doesn’t it? If you want to keep your boyfriend happy, speak truthfully with everyone, not just him.
Funny that I had the same question and my name is Katie. But I refuse to accept the answer. My boyfriend and I are a perfect match. But just because he has a diagnosed mood disorder, I should drop him? No. That is selfish. After being with my boyfriend for 3+ years, he gone from constantly miserable to having the occassional cruddy day. He saw how his behavoir affected me, yet I didn’t just leave. Now he tries to better himself and fight through his bipolar and depression because he hates hurting people. Especially me.

I’ve tried three approaches. 1) Loving, supportive husband offering ‘it’s okay, try again’ attitude for quite a while. Result: She is happy, I’m not b/c things don’t get done. 2) Ignore how bad it is. Result: She is fine, I’m not. Things don’t get done. 3) I communicate how she is not measuring up to her responsibilities. Result: She either gets extremely defensive, mad, or says ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Eventually we do and SOMETIMES she accepts and things get better. And when I say better, I mean I set SMALL goals for her in hopes she’ll master them to help her to new ones. She’ll do those small goals for a week or two, month max. Example is when you sweep you have to put the stuff you sweep into the trash and not just leave it in a pile for months. But inevitably, she returns to her base behavior. She suggested therapy to help her move away from her abused past so we agreed to pay out for a year of it. Now she’s not in it and has basically dismissed the goals/rules the counselor told her to keep. When we talk about any issues in our marriage she gets extremely mad and defensive. I’m not a perfect man and am open to criticism and self-improvement, but I provide for my family the best I can, keep them safe, and am trying to help. Frankly, I don’t feel like she’s pulling her own weight. If she knows she’s in trouble or did nothing that day, she’ll try to hide that fact by various means. Lies, kisses, sex, playing ignorance, etc… Sometimes I feel like our ‘marriage’ was a means to an end b/c I am nice and she knew I could provide for her so she made up a personality to escape the hell hole she came from (and it was a hell hole) but now reverted to a past self. What do I do? I thought a husband and wife were supposed to ‘work’ together and put the needs of the other above themselves. Any guidance would be appreciated.

These two posts of yours were so helpful. I do think that this is very much how he feels even though he hasn't used the same words. I asked him if he was going to take a break, to please seek counseling and work on figuring out what he wanted and at least get a rough plan in place for going forward. Sure, it'll be nice to get away, but if he doesn't know how he got to this point, he'll end up here again before long.
We were married in 2007,its was an arranged marriage in India but settled in Melbourne, Australia.we had a baby this 2011 July. This March 2012 I discovered my husband has been seeing another woman. And then in a month I discovered that he was trying to bed more women when I was overseas with my lil son.one if them is still a mystery cos she has never told me wat hapned
Wedded bliss, it seems, belongs in story-books. But interestingly, the most recent statistics reveal that divorce rates in the UK are falling. A report by the Office for National Statistics shows the number of divorces in England and Wales in 2009 (the latest year published) was 113,949, a 6.4 per cent decrease since 2008, when there were 121,708 — and the lowest since 1974.
Bring those things back or better yet, revamp them! If you liked doing something like having picnics, set aside a weekend for yourselves where you could go camping or rent out a little cabin. It can be just the two of you, in nature, and you can have fun rediscovering each other. You could also just set aside one evening every week as Date Night and do your best to think of something fun and a little different for each time!
Hello my friend. It seems that social skills seem to be a problem with many people. I used to have those problems. The truth is that they are truly “skills”. You have to build confidence around approaching others and general conversation. This can be done with a simple excersise: next time you go on the street, say hello to every person that you see. It may be nerve racking at first, but after a while, it will ease your overall anxiety around approaching people. I highly recommend reading “how to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie” if you… Read more »
The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
How can you tell your partner is not thrilled about being together? What are the clues that he or she is unhappy in your relationship? Though there are some outright hints, sometimes it can be tricky to tell. Secret unhappiness in a relationship is totally scarier than obvious grief, because it could be happening and you might not even know about it. Freaky! As they say, we are most scared of the things we cannot see. Or the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, whatever.
Bring those things back or better yet, revamp them! If you liked doing something like having picnics, set aside a weekend for yourselves where you could go camping or rent out a little cabin. It can be just the two of you, in nature, and you can have fun rediscovering each other. You could also just set aside one evening every week as Date Night and do your best to think of something fun and a little different for each time!

My prayer is that you find strength, courage, and peace. May you find a good place to live, and may you connect with friends and family who are supportive and compassionate. I pray for everything to go smoothly as you and your boyfriend make decisions, and for a new home and other practical parts of moving to fall into place quickly and easily. I pray for healing for you and him, and for wisdom as you parent your child after this breakup. May you find faith, hope, and even joy in your future! I pray for all good things for you, for your child, for your life and future relationships.

I am a man and have gone through the video game addiciton. I went there to the game as an escape or catharsis from another crisis in my life. We all get into he said she said this and that trying to convince ourselves its the others fault. Look deep within for your own criticism of self as well as your spouse. Own up to how you feel and communicate with him. Stooping low and doing the same thing he is doing your own way is the surest way to ensure failure. I have blown it this way too. Further a word of caution, beware the criticism of others toward your spouse in your external relationships, less they influence the fate of your internal relationship. We all want to bounce our situation off of other Neutral pseduocounselors. Don’t fall into the trap of believing for a second you can provide that objective view for them to evaluate. It doesnt hurt to talk. Just communicate. If it fails at least you have tried.
Then have a conversation with them (use an appropriate method for their communication style to improve your rate of successfully achieving good reach/affect) stating what you believe their needs to be and how you attempt to meet those and that you'd appreciate their attempts to clarify their needs so that you can do a better job, and that in light of your requests you would to clarify what you really want out of this relationship. Proceed to detail what you want. Try to be really practical with examples rather than vague ideas.
Initially when I asked her that she just blew it off quickly and said “I don’t know, but he needs to stop acting like this or else I’M OUT!”. So I made sure to ask her ONE more time to really emphasize the fact that I wanted a legitimate answer. When I did that, her indifference immediately turned to outrage as he wondered why the HELL I was “taking up for him” when she was the emotional victim of his actions. She mumbled something about “men not understanding” and just immediately changed the topic, so I obliged and we began talking about something unrelated. But I really wish we could have let that conversation play out, because there’s one gross misunderstanding some women have about men that I really wanted to clear up for her.
just tell him, be honest, if its something his doing than he can work on and you think you can be happy again well than tell him that...if its just you dont want to be with him at all tell him...its hard but people break up with there boyfriends and girlfriend every second or people get dumped every second thats part of life and thats part of dating, he will move on. dont be mean about it, dont make it harder for him than it already will be...but hey you never know maybe he feels the same way and it will be mutal and easy for both of you...
Well, I just broke up for the fourth time with a guy who would stay with me because he thought I had the whole thing going as in, the perfect girl for him, the one. He stayed because he wanted things to magically work (as in no efforts on his part) because he didn’t want me going off with someone else, since I was so perfect for him. But he was not happy. Like, what..? Anyway.
You ladies are evil. This article is despicable, Maybe your controlling behavior is why your husband cant hear you. The best thing that looks good on a woman is kindness and understanding! The author is obviously has border line personality disorder. Men I know its hard to be a man sometimes, but If your wife does any of these things…. RUN. These things listed are not weapons but manipulations for a selfish person to get what they need and benefit NO partnership!
Also sometimes I just want to go out with some girl friends but my hubby gets up set than its transfer to me so I don’t go. He tells me after the big face go but tell your mom to baby sit cuz am not, I tell him go out you too but since he doesn’t have much friends other than his family he expects me to stay home too. If I go do my hair, nails ect it’s like how long, what Are we going to ect. I don everything other than fixing the house that’s all him but anything else pay bills, look for work estimates, buying things ect all me. He just works really hard at work n home but never any time for us alone or for me sometimes I just want to run. I currently work and go to school for psychology which am treating myself first. I just feel like there’s no me time I never get a break. And when he tells me ok let’s go out I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel attracted to him, I feel like I am missing out on things and am not one to regret because I love my kids and will do that all over again but at the same time I feel like I had to child hood myself having my daughter at 16 and being with my hubby since 14 but married 3 yr’s ago.
Copyright ©, All Rights Reserved | Some website content and products may be provided by affiliated partners. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Ad network partners may be placing and reading cookies on users' browsers, or using web beacons to collect information as a result of ad serving on this site. Read more in our Privacy Policy. In posting any content or question to DrPsychMom.com, you grant DrPsychMom.com a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free license to copy, distribute, sublicense, stream, publicly display, and reproduce anywhere, whether in print or any kind of electronic version that exists now or is later developed, in whole or in part, any such content for any purpose, including commercial purposes. This site and its advice is not intended as advice, diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider. The medical information on this website is provided “as is” without any representations or warranties, express or implied. Dr. Samantha Rodman makes no representations or warranties in relation to the medical information on this website. She does not warrant that the medical information on this website will be constantly available, or available at all; or that the medical information on this website is complete, true, accurate, up-to-date, or non-misleading. You must not rely on the information on this website as an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you have any specific questions about any medical matter you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. If you think you may be suffering from any medical condition you should seek immediate medical attention. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information on this website. Nothing in this medical disclaimer will limit any of our liabilities in any way that is not permitted under applicable law, or exclude any of our liabilities that may not be excluded under applicable law.

From a woman’s point of view, you need to get out. For the sanity of yourself, and your children. Your wife has little to no respect for you, and from what you’ve said, herself. Her values are also not anywhere near in line with your own, as she believes that her actions are justifiable. I once was the woman who took advantage of wonderful, goodhearted men, and who cared about nothing more than having my ego fed. It is impossible to be in a relationship with a selfish person, unless you are a glutton for neglect and abuse. The fact that she is taking no responsibility for her actions, and manipulating you in a way that is intended to make you feel guilty for her wrong doings, also validates the fact that she is not only out for her own self indulging ways, but also that she has such little respect for you that she sees you as nothing more than a pawn. With you, she can have the upright lifestyle. Successful husband, children, home.. but because of your leniency in letting her manipulate you, she can also have her second life, for those she doesn’t mind displaying that too. I am not for divorce, at all. I believe that a couple must do everything in their power to rectify their marriage, ESPECIALLY when children are involved. However, there comes a time when you must stop slamming your head against the brick wall and accept that there is sometimes no way of changing a person, or their priorities. I suggest you file for divorce, and allow your wife to live the life that she seems to gravitate too. Remain an excellent father, for it seems you are the one who is most levelheaded and who your children must rely on, and move on. Those with a good heart, must be paired with someone who nurtures that heart, not destroys it. I know you may not yield to my advice, I was once the person on the victim side of an unhealthy relationship, but once you get out, you will be free of the emotional strain that this woman holds on your life. I wish the best for you, and for your children. All I ask is that through the process of divorce, if you choose to take that route, do not let anger or resentment rob you of the dignity and respect you deserve, from all parties.. most importantly your kids.
That's step one. Step two is actually doing something about it, before you worry for one more second — and before things get worse. "Use these signs as an invitation to have a conversation," author and life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. "Asking questions about the behavior, 'Are you stressed? Can I help?' or asking for what we want, 'I'd like to hold hands more' is a better use of your time." It may feel awkward, but it's important to open those lines of communication so you can figure out how to handle this, together. Here are some more signs you might want to address.

DJ, thank you for the acknowledgement. I really appreciate it. I’m almost ashamed to admit I wasn’t really hit that hard in the breakup. I relocated across the country when we moved in together, so I got out of touch with most of my old friends over time. But we both worked full-time, we weren’t married and didn’t have kids so there were no real financial issues. I’ve got new outlets for my hobbies, and new friends over time, so I’m really doing fine today. Except for the “emotional connection” part. After a long-distance relationship for over a year before… Read more »
Don’t fall into the trap of believing you only have two options: staying married and staying unhappy, or getting a divorce and getting happy again. If you’re feeling scared and sad because of these warning signs your marriage is over, then perhaps you’re ready to go beyond that false choice (“Do I divorce so that I can find happiness again, or do I keep the family together and remain unhappy?”).
5. Keep an open mind: This goes for a lot of things (seriously, just try the restaurant he wants you to try), but we are specifically talking in the bedroom. Everybody has different tastes, and if you want to keep your love life exciting (visit Babeland for ideas and inspiration), it’s wise to approach sex with a relaxed, non-judgmental attitude. As long as it doesn’t hurt you or throw your moral compass out of whack, adopt an “I’ll try anything once and twice if I like it” attitude. And if he’s into something you just can’t get down with? Try super hard not to let him know you think his kink is weird or gross. Most people have already had enough sexual shame to last them a lifetime (thanks, abstinence-only sex education!).
If it was bad enough I would up and leave – my kids come before any spouse. If he was putting such pressure and demands on me to the point I couldn’t protect or look after my kids properly I’d ditch him in a heartbeat, even if it was because of a terminal illness. But admittedly I’m ruthless and the only thing I love more than myself is my own kids. People with more heart than me might stay and look after their spouse too – to me the children’s needs must come first. Whatever is best for them is what I’d do (I think it’s unlikely to come to the point that I’d have to leave though… there would be a support network of family members to help before it got to that stage… but if it ever DID get that bad I’d be prepared to do it).
I found this post interesting. I am a stay at home mom (I only work a few hours a week). My husband is a good, moral, decent man. That will never change. But he used to be loving, caring, affectionate and helpful and that definitely changed. That being said, I try to take my job as a stay at home mom seriously. I do not expect him to do any “female” chores. Beyond being our sole financial support, he maintained all cars, the lawn, the trash and any major home renovation. I do the smaller ones. I’m not perfect, but I do my jobs. If I am down sick for 2 days, the house becomes an absolute h*ll hole. He has stopped even picking up after himself. I don’t say a word. But numerous times, during a bad argument he has complained that I do nothing. This not only hurts my feelings but it’s like “why am I even bothering?” And then it makes me question myself if I really am not pulling my weight. I mean, I really do try. But yes, sometimes I don’t get all the laundry done. Or maybe 1 day it’s the dishes and the next its a bathroom. I mean, I have many chores….and most days I would say I get 90% of it done. So each day there is something new that I didn’t get to I guess. He said it wouldn’t be acceptable at his work for him to not get everything done and he resents the fact that I don’t have anyone I have to answer to but he does. I don’t know. I just start to feel like I am failing. Some of these women seem to have it so together. Makeup done, not a hair out of place, kids beautifully dressed, house immaculate…I can’t seem to get there. And constantly feel bad.
If your partner is harboring some form of unhappiness, it might feel like pulling teeth when trying to get them to chat. And this can be most obvious when talking about mundane things. "Saying things like 'it's cold outside' doesn't require a response, but most couples respond regardless because they simply enjoy talking to each other," Rogers says.

Obviously, we can't all be Suzy homemaker. Especially if we have a career of our own. But, take the time to cook for him from time to time. If you aren't a great cook, learn a few of his favorite dishes and try to perfect them. Use the endless food blogs and even Pinterest to find some new creations that can be simple and fast. Making an effort will show that you care about him and his tummy.


Maybe you need to figure out why you lost your mojo, and where your love has gone. Maybe your husband needs to figure out why he felt the need to check into the hotel by himself and think about his life. Honestly, one of the best ways to explore these types of issues is to talk to a marriage counselor. Even if you don’t go together as husband and wife, it might be helpful to go yourself.
Well, if so, call them out on it. "Don't take the bait," she says. "Be honest with the person and ask what's really going on. If you're not getting an adequate answer, but the nitpicking and nastiness continues, inform this person … 'You don't have to hate a person to get out of a relationship, so let's cut to the chase: Do you want out of the relationship? Then just say so.'" Way to call a spade a spade.

Learn to show unselfish love to your husband. Love can be measured. If you truly love your husband and you show it all the time, he will be able to compare your love with those of other strange women and will be afraid to take the steps that may eventually consume him and the family. You can display this by resolving your marital problems in the spirit of love.

This guy was her ex boyfriend and I never have any mix feeling about their past. In fact they (their family) become a family friend to us. He and his family use to come to my house for a visit (not regular) and the same goes to us too. Then do some research on this guy and it seems that he was involve with a married women quite some time and was beaten up. I believe his wife was aware about it.
We moved past that and again yesterday I was on FB using his because I don’t have my own account. I found some very hurting conversations he’s been having with women before I arrived and even now he tries to speak to them -most of the conversations are from before and leading to the months I arrived. Please help me I don’t know what to do. We got married legally but are having a wedding celebration next month and I’ve been tears since yesterday. I spoke with him and he assured me again that he didn’t meet these women -said he is sorry cried and so forth but I don’t know. Please help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I just want to walk away and go back home. Please help me.
"Many people in relationships make the mistake of giving up their past friends to focus solely on couple time. However, doing everything together can create staleness in the relationship and is a great recipe for both partners to get sick of each other. To be happy, you both need to make time for your separate friends, even if it's just a couple of days a month." —Jonathan Bennett, certified counselor and relationship coach with The Popular Man

I am the woman who loved him, supported him, and put up with him for well over two years.  I am the woman who kept coming back after he broke up with me. I am the woman who compensated and paid for everything because he couldn’t get a job. I am the woman who was there for him 24/7.  His family, of course, was on the other side of the country.  One of his siblings did say “we have always known there was something off about him, thank you for loving him enough to figure it out”, but then he was bullied by the rest of the family. So there was zero support coming from anyone.
My boyfriend says that he is not happy anymore. He said that he hasn't been in a long time, and that he feels that he doesnt know if he can handel the responsibilities that come along with being in a relationship. He said that he loves me, he is in love with me but that he needs a few days to figure things out. For now, he doesnt want to break up. He is not cheating on me, or interested in dating other women. He said " I dont know if I can handle being with anyone, but if I can I want to be with you".
In my 20's I married two separate times (with the prerequisite of no children desired) and had my husbands "kid clocks" go off...it ruined our marriages. Their resentment toward me was overwhelming. We went to counseling, one became violent. I divorced each and they went on to have 1 child each. We are still on good terms and although it hurt I have no regrets.

I’m thankful to have found this in good timing as it’s exactly what my confusion needs. My guy just shut me out last week and I was in complete silence and darkness for 3 days. Finally, I pleaded with him in a text msg to say something, anything because I was trying not to worry about him. He responded with an apology and said he needs time to work on himself. I accept and respect this and I’m giving him his space. But why is it on us women to understand and accept whatever his terms are? Can’t it be understood that we as women want to help? Maybe giving him space is the only way to help? This makes me feel worthless when my natural role is to offer him comfort and nurture him. When does my role count for anything? When HE feels ready? Is this all about HIM? I guess it is when real love forgets “self”… I won’t sit around and wait for him but I won’t forget about him, either. May clear and calm thoughts be with you all!

Obviously, sex should never be a requirement. Your partner might not be in the mood, they might want to wait, your sex drives are mismatched, or there might be a myriad of scenarios holding them back from getting intimate physically, none of which are bad or necessarily negative. That said, your partner should be willing to communicate their wants, desires, or their differences from you in the bedroom.
I too am in the same position, I see the signs my marriage is over. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years but am only 26 yr’s old. I started dating my husband at the age of 14 he is 9 yr’s older than me. We have two kids a 9 yr old and 4 yr old. I try to stay positive because of them but I just no longer feel that emotional aspect towards my hubby. I don’t feel love for him even when we have inter course it’s just not there. I am just wondering since am only 26 and been with him since 14 I jumped to soon. He’s a wonderful person very working, what ever I want I get, but the love from me to him is no longer there. It bothers me when he touches me or hugs me or kisses me. I don’t know what he will do if I decide to separate he’s not a strong soul very low self esteem person.
I’m so sorry to hear that you went/are going through this. Hopefully you’ve found some peace since you posted this. I am going through something very similar and it feels like someone just keeps punching me in the chest. I havent eaten or slept more than a few hours in nearly 6 days and I’m honestly amazed I’m still functioning at all. I loved this man with all of my heart. I stood by him through thick and thin, through an alcohol addiction and rehab and subsequent court issues for a DUI. He has been sober 5 years now so I feel like I contributed positively to his life. He made me feel more loved than I have ever been, and then suddenly last Wednesday he tells me hes done. There is nothing left, he doesnt love me anymore. How?? What did I do wrong? I never lied or cheated. I tried to show him appreciation for all the things he did for me. I kept house as best I could and formed close relationships with his family. How do you just suddenly unlove someone like that?? I am reeling at the loss and he is being quite cruel about me hurrying up and moving out, though I havent even found somewhere else to go yet. I feel like an ax came down and just severed us because I cant understand how he can just erase a 6 and a half year relationship like that. How can he just stop loving me? It is beyond my comprehension. To say I feel lost is an understatement.
How you handle this will depend upon what, exactly, is the issue.  For example, if he is not happy because he feels like he never has any fun or excitement in his life, then you would need to show him that being married to you can be both fun and interesting.  Or, if there is an issue that keeps cropping up, it’s probably time to successfully address and eliminate that issue once and for all.  It’s very important that he sees you taking swift and decisive action because he needs to believe that the marriage can and will change so that he will remain committed to it.
!function(n,t){function r(e,n){return Object.prototype.hasOwnProperty.call(e,n)}function i(e){return void 0===e}if(n){var o={},s=n.TraceKit,a=[].slice,l="?";o.noConflict=function(){return n.TraceKit=s,o},o.wrap=function(e){function n(){try{return e.apply(this,arguments)}catch(e){throw o.report(e),e}}return n},o.report=function(){function e(e){l(),h.push(e)}function t(e){for(var n=h.length-1;n>=0;--n)h[n]===e&&h.splice(n,1)}function i(e,n){var t=null;if(!n||o.collectWindowErrors){for(var i in h)if(r(h,i))try{h[i].apply(null,[e].concat(a.call(arguments,2)))}catch(e){t=e}if(t)throw t}}function s(e,n,t,r,s){var a=null;if(w)o.computeStackTrace.augmentStackTraceWithInitialElement(w,n,t,e),u();else if(s)a=o.computeStackTrace(s),i(a,!0);else{var l={url:n,line:t,column:r};l.func=o.computeStackTrace.guessFunctionName(l.url,l.line),l.context=o.computeStackTrace.gatherContext(l.url,l.line),a={mode:"onerror",message:e,stack:[l]},i(a,!0)}return!!f&&f.apply(this,arguments)}function l(){!0!==d&&(f=n.onerror,n.onerror=s,d=!0)}function u(){var e=w,n=p;p=null,w=null,m=null,i.apply(null,[e,!1].concat(n))}function c(e){if(w){if(m===e)return;u()}var t=o.computeStackTrace(e);throw w=t,m=e,p=a.call(arguments,1),n.setTimeout(function(){m===e&&u()},t.incomplete?2e3:0),e}var f,d,h=[],p=null,m=null,w=null;return c.subscribe=e,c.unsubscribe=t,c}(),o.computeStackTrace=function(){function e(e){if(!o.remoteFetching)return"";try{var t=function(){try{return new n.XMLHttpRequest}catch(e){return new n.ActiveXObject("Microsoft.XMLHTTP")}},r=t();return r.open("GET",e,!1),r.send(""),r.responseText}catch(e){return""}}function t(t){if("string"!=typeof t)return[];if(!r(j,t)){var i="",o="";try{o=n.document.domain}catch(e){}var s=/(.*)\:\/\/([^:\/]+)([:\d]*)\/{0,1}([\s\S]*)/.exec(t);s&&s[2]===o&&(i=e(t)),j[t]=i?i.split("\n"):[]}return j[t]}function s(e,n){var r,o=/function ([^(]*)\(([^)]*)\)/,s=/['"]?([0-9A-Za-z$_]+)['"]?\s*[:=]\s*(function|eval|new Function)/,a="",u=10,c=t(e);if(!c.length)return l;for(var f=0;f0?s:null}function u(e){return e.replace(/[\-\[\]{}()*+?.,\\\^$|#]/g,"\\$&")}function c(e){return u(e).replace("<","(?:<|<)").replace(">","(?:>|>)").replace("&","(?:&|&)").replace('"','(?:"|")').replace(/\s+/g,"\\s+")}function f(e,n){for(var r,i,o=0,s=n.length;or&&(i=s.exec(o[r]))?i.index:null}function h(e){if(!i(n&&n.document)){for(var t,r,o,s,a=[n.location.href],l=n.document.getElementsByTagName("script"),d=""+e,h=/^function(?:\s+([\w$]+))?\s*\(([\w\s,]*)\)\s*\{\s*(\S[\s\S]*\S)\s*\}\s*$/,p=/^function on([\w$]+)\s*\(event\)\s*\{\s*(\S[\s\S]*\S)\s*\}\s*$/,m=0;m]+)>|([^\)]+))\((.*)\))? in (.*):\s*$/i,o=n.split("\n"),l=[],u=0;u=0&&(g.line=v+x.substring(0,j).split("\n").length)}}}else if(o=d.exec(i[y])){var _=n.location.href.replace(/#.*$/,""),T=new RegExp(c(i[y+1])),E=f(T,[_]);g={url:_,func:"",args:[],line:E?E.line:o[1],column:null}}if(g){g.func||(g.func=s(g.url,g.line));var k=a(g.url,g.line),A=k?k[Math.floor(k.length/2)]:null;k&&A.replace(/^\s*/,"")===i[y+1].replace(/^\s*/,"")?g.context=k:g.context=[i[y+1]],h.push(g)}}return h.length?{mode:"multiline",name:e.name,message:i[0],stack:h}:null}function y(e,n,t,r){var i={url:n,line:t};if(i.url&&i.line){e.incomplete=!1,i.func||(i.func=s(i.url,i.line)),i.context||(i.context=a(i.url,i.line));var o=/ '([^']+)' /.exec(r);if(o&&(i.column=d(o[1],i.url,i.line)),e.stack.length>0&&e.stack[0].url===i.url){if(e.stack[0].line===i.line)return!1;if(!e.stack[0].line&&e.stack[0].func===i.func)return e.stack[0].line=i.line,e.stack[0].context=i.context,!1}return e.stack.unshift(i),e.partial=!0,!0}return e.incomplete=!0,!1}function g(e,n){for(var t,r,i,a=/function\s+([_$a-zA-Z\xA0-\uFFFF][_$a-zA-Z0-9\xA0-\uFFFF]*)?\s*\(/i,u=[],c={},f=!1,p=g.caller;p&&!f;p=p.caller)if(p!==v&&p!==o.report){if(r={url:null,func:l,args:[],line:null,column:null},p.name?r.func=p.name:(t=a.exec(p.toString()))&&(r.func=t[1]),"undefined"==typeof r.func)try{r.func=t.input.substring(0,t.input.indexOf("{"))}catch(e){}if(i=h(p)){r.url=i.url,r.line=i.line,r.func===l&&(r.func=s(r.url,r.line));var m=/ '([^']+)' /.exec(e.message||e.description);m&&(r.column=d(m[1],i.url,i.line))}c[""+p]?f=!0:c[""+p]=!0,u.push(r)}n&&u.splice(0,n);var w={mode:"callers",name:e.name,message:e.message,stack:u};return y(w,e.sourceURL||e.fileName,e.line||e.lineNumber,e.message||e.description),w}function v(e,n){var t=null;n=null==n?0:+n;try{if(t=m(e))return t}catch(e){if(x)throw e}try{if(t=p(e))return t}catch(e){if(x)throw e}try{if(t=w(e))return t}catch(e){if(x)throw e}try{if(t=g(e,n+1))return t}catch(e){if(x)throw e}return{mode:"failed"}}function b(e){e=1+(null==e?0:+e);try{throw new Error}catch(n){return v(n,e+1)}}var x=!1,j={};return v.augmentStackTraceWithInitialElement=y,v.guessFunctionName=s,v.gatherContext=a,v.ofCaller=b,v.getSource=t,v}(),o.extendToAsynchronousCallbacks=function(){var e=function(e){var t=n[e];n[e]=function(){var e=a.call(arguments),n=e[0];return"function"==typeof n&&(e[0]=o.wrap(n)),t.apply?t.apply(this,e):t(e[0],e[1])}};e("setTimeout"),e("setInterval")},o.remoteFetching||(o.remoteFetching=!0),o.collectWindowErrors||(o.collectWindowErrors=!0),(!o.linesOfContext||o.linesOfContext<1)&&(o.linesOfContext=11),void 0!==e&&e.exports&&n.module!==e?e.exports=o:"function"==typeof define&&define.amd?define("TraceKit",[],o):n.TraceKit=o}}("undefined"!=typeof window?window:global)},"./webpack-loaders/expose-loader/index.js?require!./shared/require-global.js":function(e,n,t){(function(n){e.exports=n.require=t("./shared/require-global.js")}).call(n,t("../../../lib/node_modules/webpack/buildin/global.js"))}});
Hi, I’m a young lady who got married @ the young age but my hubby has financial problems and avoids them. I don’t feel I love him because he leaves me alone in our flat goes out with his friends, sleeps over there with his single friends. I took a vow I won’t ask him where are his whereabouts because I don’t knw him no more. I’m too young to b in this situation. He accuses me of cheating and name calls me. I always help him witth his finances and tells me that I love him for his money. What money he is drowning in debt.
I feel as if I'm walking on egg shells, trying not to anger him or make him more unhappy - I'm always filtering what I say before I say it (it was a really big struggle for me to tell him out loud that I was going to counseling)...I don't want our daughter to filter what she says, or try to make him happy all the time as well, since I know it is unhealthy. The other day, he came home from work and asked her to give him a hug - he stood by the door. She started walking toward him, all happy and ready to give a hug, but she got interested in the vacuum cleaner and he said, daddy's not interested in the vacuum cleaner. You need to come over and give me a hug. Daddy's been at work all day and wants a hug. - - - I reminded him that she's a toddler and she

When my sister and I were kids we would celebrate St. Nicholas day. We are American but my mother is from a German family. My mother had us put our shoes outside our bedroom door so St. Nicholas could leave us goodies in our shoes. The next morning we would check our shoes and find various nuts and small chocolate candies wrapped in foil to look like coins.

Im 22 years old and have a pne month old baby boy. After moving in with my now husband, I found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker even before I was pregnant. When I confronted him hr first denied it until I showed him proof. I love him very much. His son and me need him. I dont want my child to not grow up without his dad. If it was just me I would of left. But im thinking about what is best for my son. After we talked about it we said we would try to make it work. I thought he would stop but I catch him lying to me and getting out to go see her. I went through his phone and saw that he tells her he loves her and hates having to leave each other. She tells him that she hates knowing that he comes home to me. I love him but I feel so hurt about everything especially after the fat that we have a son now. We had made so many plans that im am soo confused and not sure of his feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He says that the fire in our relationship is not there or the love like when we meet 2years ago. I dont know what to do or how to make our relationship work. How do I bring tjat intimacy back into our relationship. Im not talking about sex but emotionally.


If you two couldn't stop talking about the future, it's worth noting a sudden silence. "If your partner avoids any discussions about the future and plans you both may have made, this is a sign that they may not be happy in the relationship," says psychic and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport. "Unless they are willing to discuss future plans, this may mean their future plans may not include you." And that's obviously something you need to know.

I don't think that you're suggestions are going to be too popular....we have a throw away society. Anything that doesn't fit or work as expected is junked right away and replaced, relationships included. And taking kids into account? Forget about it! It seems like they are the very last ones to be thought of by a party seeking divorce, thought that could only just that, a seeming. People in our culture are taught to be very self-centered now-a-days, that ones personal happiness is all that counts.
"Can you recall a time when you weren't feeling like your best self or perhaps a time when you were questioning whether you should stay or flee, hide or speak up?" Chelsea Leigh Trescott, a breakup coach, told INSIDER. "Start there. It will show your significant other that there is no shame to be feeling how they are feeling, and it will offer them hope that hey can bounce back."
At the same time, my husband and I started working on PureCouples. We launched the website in 2016, and I started blogging about marriage and relationships more regularly. Blogging made me feel like I had something to contribute to the world beyond changing diapers and doing laundry. People across the world read my blog and found it helpful, and more importantly, I loved the feeling of satisfaction I got from writing. Writing made me feel like my world had clicked into place.
I try my best to fix our problems, I’ve been trying to change my behaviors to make things better, but it’s a one way street. He refuses to acknowledge that there is anything wrong with him – he’s just perfect. His ignoring of me, lack of sexual activity, never leaving the home together unless it’s to drop the kids at daycare has driven to the edge and over it! I’ve been in various counseling sessions – not that any of that worked. I have also read the ‘How to leave your husband.’ article, it makes sense, and sounds so easy – but clearly it isn’t. No money, no place to go, and the kids?
Invite your boyfriend out for a special night. Choose something he enjoys doing and follow it with dinner. Be yourself and make the date romantic. Watch his reaction. Look for disinterest or an eagerness to end the date. If he doesn't respond to something you've set up specifically for him, there is something going on. It may not be that he is unhappy, but taken in the context of other signs, it's a good bet he might be.

Me and my husband have been together for almost five years but we have only been married for 6 months. We have a 3 year old and a newborn together. For some reason this pregnancy that I just recently went throuh was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It seems like right when I got pregnant and right when we got married he just started going out and like always hunting all of a sudden when I needed him the most. Everything I say seems to be wrong, he gets defensive no matter what it’s like everyone is out to get him but really everyone is just trying to help him. He drinks every single day and thinks he has no problem, my daughter loves him dearly but I just think I am only staying here for her sake and I know that I should be happy too. I am not sexuall attracted to him what so ever anymore because all he ever does is drink beer and not work half the time and never helps with anything around the house. I am just so done with it all and eveyone I know thinks that I am crazy for even being here at all anymore. I am just so scared of raising two kids on my own because I just feel like I will fail them and it is not their fault that their father doesn’t want to do the right thing and that’s why I am so scared and confuse when it comes to making that final decision. Ugh it is just so hard I am in my twenties and just feel so helpless!!!!
I dated this girl once who was very into verbal jousting – you know that thing you do where you tease each other, even nonsensically, before you kiss? The problem was, she liked to keep going and I would have to have a riposte for every cute little jibe. Then she would respond with something else and I would have to have yet another comeback, and it would go on like this. I found the game exhausting, but she got off on it. We didn’t last very long, but I guess she needed to find someone who could “keep up” as Evan puts it.
@lonelyinacrowd. Yes, i hear you and i am in the same boat. Five children and here I remain. Fot their sakes! We have been in seperate rooms for 4 years now and just for the record, that affects the kids just as much. I worry about the impression we are making on our children by leading these seperate lives under one roof. Kids are so perceptive at all age levels. My four year old came home from a playdate at her friends house and bursing through the door she said in disgust :’mom, guess what! Kate’s mom and dad SHARE a room’ (she of course thinks thats its appalling bad luck to have to share as in our house, it is an eldest child’s privilege to have their own room)
It’s one thing to leave a downer partner you’re casually or seriously dating in order to take care of your own needs, but what happens when you meet and marry a happy person, start having a wonderful life and children together, and then your previously happy partner starts becoming moody/depressed?  What if the depression is caused by a terminal illness or some other life-altering event?  Do you get a divorce so you can take care of yourself?  
You mentioned someone going through a period of suffering in their life that they need time to get through (so this suffering is not permanent) and individuals who might have frequent dips in mood. I have a question about individuals who have a condition they have been affected by for a long time and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life. My mother has had what appears to me to be borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder for the past 23 years since I was born. How much responsibility is placed on the person for their behavior who has difficulty controlling their moods? My mother can obviously control her behavior around strangers (maybe she is around strangers in times of better mood), but I see her take out her emotions, problems, aggressions in private on her caregivers (my grandfather and grandmother). She is not able to take responsibility for her actions at all and is not expected to by her caregivers. Is this appropriate? Is it appropriate to forgive her behavior in every instance? Or to hold her accountable for her actions? Should her rude behavior, explosive emotions, inability to listen be excused as something she has no control over? Or should the person be held accountable for certain aspects of her behavior? This is difficult for me to deal with because my emotions in response to her behavior when I am around her get discounted by my grandparents because they use the model where she "is not able to control herself at all so she must be forgiven in all circumstances". Is this model of forgiving every circumstance appropriate? Thank your for your response.
What option seems to make the most sense to you? You’re too young to give up on your life, and a chance at being happy and fulfilled! You need to find energy and enthusiasm to keep going. The world needs people like you to come alive and participate. You can find things that make you happy and fulfilled outside your marriage — and you will brighter other people’s lives at the same time.
As the novelist and essayist Charles Baxter put it in his book Burning Down the House, "People in a traumatized state tend to love their furniture." It's almost as if we're gathering things to bolster against loneliness. And there's a study to confirm the same rule applies to marriage: Margaret Clark, a professor of psychology at Yale, found that "people who attach more value to their possessions may be less secure in their personal relationships than those who put less value on material goods." A large-screen, 3D-enabled television isn't complicated. A shiny new tablet won't expect too much.
When you talk about his friends, point out their good qualities, and it will build positive relationships between you and them. If your boyfriend feels like you don’t like his friends, he will feel like he has to choose between you and them, and that is not a fun feeling. So keep him happy and if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
You’ve noticed that something doesn’t feel right between you and your husband… He seems different, less present, and maybe doesn’t even seem like the person you married at all these days. Your intuition tells you something is up and you’re realizing that your partner is unhappy. It’s unsettling feeling of course, but once you pinpoint what exactly is bothering him, you’ll be on your way to fixing the problem.
×