Hello everyone my name is Grace Richman from USA,Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of DR IGBA that helped me recently to bring back my husband that left me for another woman for no reason for the past 3 years. After seeing a post of a woman on the internet testifying of how she was helped by DR IGBA . I also decided to contact him for help because all i wanted was for me to get my husband , happiness and to make sure that my child grows up with his father. Am happy today that Dr IGBA helped me and i can proudly say that my husband is now with me again and he is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of DR IGBA should contact him now on his E-mail: igbaspellhome@yahoo.com ...
In some of the comments, women have been very negative. The article states men are wired deferantly. When a man does something good, thank him, tell him IN SIMPLE WORDS, with a smile, how much you appreciate or love whatever he did. IE... When he does take a shower, hug him up look him in the eyes and tell him how good he smells, how you love when he's smelling all fresh and clean. If you tell a man what pleases you, he will do it again!
Dear laurie,i guess i am on the same page as everyone else,,is it over? Ihave married the man of my dreams,so i thought…we have been married for 18y.together for 20y. we have a beautiful daughter,she is 18.was never easy,we had a long distance relation ship in the beggining,moved to other country,money was always an argument..i always worked full time plus taking care of my daughter and house,but i was never good enough,if i resume my 18y of marriage it all comes down to being blaimed for never being good enough.time passed and nothing changes,he puts me down as i am not a good house wife,not a good mother spends all his money,all this and me working 50h a week,i am not a big spender,but in his eyes thats all i do is spend his money,he killed my love for him,over time,i hate him more than i love him.what keep me is the ilusion of being madly in love with the man i meet 20y ago,i love him deeply still.he become bitter and sniky he hydes from me money,goes behind my back cancels aounts,so i get stuck with no money..everytime he does this things i hate him more,all what matters to him is cleaning and money..i care for my daughter that has been thru a lot and just recently stabelize emotionaly..i dont want to break her heart..what do i do?
every single time my husband and i argue he wants to leave me or he hates me and hes disgusted with me. just recently his father passed and said he didn’t want me to attend the funeral not once but at least 5 or 6 times;he never understands how i feel when i try to explain something or why im upset..im a student so i have no job or money i want to leave him but i feel trapped i really do love him but if has told me he wants to leave over and over again hes even though about suicide and that makes me feel ill! how can i stay with someone that feel this way let alone spill there true feelings to me when hes angry its funny cause i don’t feel warmth from him but when were arguing i get a lot of heat
Often, however, the people we love behave as if they don't want to feel better. They want to wallow, or are so debilitated by their suffering they can't even get out of bed—like my patient's brother. Sometimes the unhappiness of the ones we love is like a black hole, threatening to pull us into darkness ourselves. How can we orbit around such a strong negative force without being crushed by it ourselves?
Like Kathleen #3, at some point, you just have to look at this and say “if I stay, this is the life I am agreeing to, and I need to be ok with that”……I started feeling like a battered wife.  He would have his meltdowns, tell me I was not being a good enough girlfriend for him and everything was my fault, break up with me, then call me shortly afterwards and want to “work it out because he loves me”.   With every breakup, I would lose sleep, lose weight, have trouble concentrating at work.  The cycles were coming faster and faster, with less breathing room in between. The bad times were far outweighing the good times.  I finally gave him an ultimatum, and told him he needs to acknowledge he has this disorder and work WITH me on it, I am done being the only one accommodating it.  He and his family all got mad at me, how dare I “diagnose” him!  I am not a doctor!  I did have him take several tests that all indicated a very high likelihood, and I read several books on it…and guess what, for those who have it borderline, they may go their whole lives being undiagnosed until a wife or a girlfriend figures it out.  People just think he is odd or quirky.  The SO lives it with him every day, and she starts to see the patterns and seeks answers.
It sounds like your sadness and depression is related to the woman next door — and you need to listen to your heart and gut, and move away. Maybe your husband will go with you and you can rebuild your relationship, or maybe not…but you may be much happier if you’re not living next door to the woman your husband had a physical or emotional affair with.
In my own experience, when I allowed my circumstances to dictate my joy, my family was destined to ride with me on the roller coaster of my emotions. I did not become a joyful wife and mom until I learned the importance of spending time in prayer and daily Bible study. In other words, I needed to look to God. I could not expect Steve to give me a life free from difficulty so I would be happy. I could not ask him to do for me what only God can do.
Hello! My husband and I will be married 18 years in May. I can honestly say that I don’t know if our marriage has ever been ideal, or a good marriage. My husband will admit that he is a very selfish person, as I know many men/women will say this, he will also tell you he has addictive behaviors, no drugs or alcohol,but gambling, and video games are his addictions. Our marriage,to me and some who are around us, will say is based solely on what my husbands wants/needs are. I have never been the first priority in his life, in my opinion. Example: When I was pregnant with our eldest child, I was working 12 hour days. He was home for a couple of weeks because his back was injured,but was medicated and fully capable. I came home from work with feet swollen and exhausted, and I just wanted to soak my feet. I walk in the door, and he comes out of his “man Cave” and asks me what is for dinner. I got a can of soup out slammed it on the counter and said there you go, and went for a walk. No he didn’t come after me. I was so angry that when I went back in the house I went to bed. He holed himself in his video games then and is still to this day. There are so many other times/examples of basically the same thing. We aren’t, and really have never had a truly intimate relationship…to me it seems like a chore to him. He freely admits this. At one time, about 10 yrs. ago he told me he didn’t find me attractive anymore because I was to fat. (I have now lost 50 lbs. and weigh just slightly more than I did in high school which was 154, that truly has no bearing on the situation in my opinion) It is not for lack of trying on my part, I have gone so far as texting things to him. I have been pushed away, he says the kids are home I don’t want them hearing, and many other reasons. I have thought, is he cheating, and even most recently is he not interested at all. He is now overweight, takes high blood pressure meds, and says he has no self confidence. He is not an active participant/husband but rather to me, it seems like I have another child. I have to ask him to help around the house, while he plays his video games usually 5-6 hours a night(this is an every day,every year occurrence) He is depressed, gambled a lot of money away that we don’t have, lost his father, and in my opinion, he feels he lost his mother as well. His mother has been a mother who loves him, but didn’t raise him to be a man/husband. She did everything for him, I just took over when we married. At counseling I brought up that he smokes in the house when I leave when I have asked him not to. The counselor asked him why he does this, is it like “mom” says don’t do it, so you do it anyway? he said yes. He told her the children don’t listen to me, and she said you don’t listen to her so why should they. You don’t think they children listen to her, but actions speak louder than words. Our children our great children, have very busy lives, and our great students…but they will tell you that there mother is not happy and they don’t like it. When he gambled I am the one who found ways to pay the debt, not him. He owns the fact that he gambled but has done nothing to render the situation. I feel instead of playing games for 5-6 hours, he should get another job to pay for it. When I say I have a husband who is more like a 44 year old child I truly mean it. I do everything from paying the bills to deciding what to have for dinner. He tells me he loves me, and I don’t doubt it. I think his love for me is in a motherly way and not a wifely way. He says my expectations are to high for him. The counselor said to him, you are just a big kid aren’t you…laughing he said yes…she said I think you need to think about what I just said. Your wife wants a husband and a partner, to be a couple, not a 44 yr. old child. My expectations are this..Be my husband, my partner, my co parent, my friend, something other than what he is and has been for a very long time.

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Kathleen, I admit the first paragraph of your comment struck a chord. Last summer, my boyfriend of two years walked out on me, out of the blue – just told me at the end of a weekly date night that he was leaving, handed me all my things from his apartment, that he’d packed before he left home that evening, and I only saw him once since that day. The only indication he’d given me was three days before he left, when he said “you were not happy last night”. Last spring, i.e. 3-4 months prior to that, I had a loss in my close family, my workload around the house doubled, then I changed jobs and my new job was harder than the one before it, and took a while to adjust to. Things got easier by the end of last year, but in the summer, I was completely exhausted from having all that new workload on top of trying to meet my ex’s many needs. I was still happy for the most part, just very tired and more irritable than my usual easygoing self. I admit that I still feel disappointed with him that he couldn’t wait for the hard times to pass, offer help and support, or even tell me that I had changed and ask me to get help (since I was too tired to even notice). Instead, he just walked out when I needed his help the most, because, after two years of making him happy and meeting his needs, there came a brief period of time when I couldn’t, and he just refused to put up with that. I still feel that he betrayed me, violated my trust in him, and let me down. I used to respect that man a lot and I don’t think I will ever be able to anymore.

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You don’t necessarily need to leave him…maybe you just need a trial separation. Maybe you both need some time and space to figure out what you want your marriage to be like, and to decide if you can build a happy marriage together. Maybe the prospect of divorce is what your husband needs, to snap him out of his slump! And if he does have Asperger’s, maybe the thought of losing you will encourage him to get help.

If you have been in a relationship for months or years, you probably take your partner for granted and don’t pay any attention to his feelings. Of course, not all of these signs means it’s time to break up. Maybe your man simply need some help and inspiration to cope with his problems but doesn’t know how to tell you about it. Do you feel like your man is unhappy with you?


As you've described her (and this isn't necessarily true for everyone who suffers from mental illness), your mom seems capable of appropriate behavior in the right circumstances and therefore is responsible for her behavior. My suggestion is that you and your family examine the attitudes you display about your expectations for her behavior. I suspect, based on your description, that you're all enabling bad behavior on her part. When you stand up and demand, via your actions, good behavior, if a person is capable of delivering it, they often do. You might find this link helpful: http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/18/how-to-communicate-with-your-life/
Why is it that in the beginning, we don’t get bothered that much about things that later in marriage drive as crazy? If you think it’s because back then you were unrealistically in love, then remember, how many times did you hear people who lost someone saying how they would give anything to be around things that once were so annoying to them. What is that telling you?
I admit not bringing up the topic again at this point because of my own lack of courage. I am not in an environment where I can sit down with my grandparents and have a discussion about my attitude and their attitude about my mother's behavior and illness. It seems to be treated as a taboo subject. I agree that I have been enabling her behavior more than I should out of my own fear of being reprimanded by my grandparents while I am staying in the household. I try to stand up when I can but I place myself in a position where I pick and choose which of my mother's behavior is acceptable and which isn't based on the belief of my grandparents instead of my own. I am struggling to redefine her illness for myself instead of using the model of my grandparents. It is difficult to be in a situation where standing up and saying we are enabling her behavior is actually seen as the disruptive behavior. I am told that by standing up to her that I am the one creating trouble and causing them problems (because they allow her to run back to them and complain and cause tantrums). So I submit out of my own fear that I am making the lives of the caregivers more difficult. Unfortunately I think they are making it difficult for themselves by allowing her to complain to them and enabling her behavior. I do not know what to do in this situation.

As you probably see, sometimes it is worth to let go or to reflect on your own behavior. Although women are mostly called the queens of drama and the ones who search for problems, there are many aspects that bother men in a relationship as well. And since the relationship should be fulfilling, motivating and happy for each partner, remember about mutual concern, acceptance, and commitment.


This message meant for faiza. Don't be afraid of the future dear... speak to him openly... and tell him how much you love him and there is nothing which can replace him in your life. Tell him without him you will not be there. and the very important thing is, when you speak to him don't be harsh and don't tend to question him(why are you doing so...etc). speak to him like you already understood the situation. And show the affection like he is your son. Make him understand that you will be there for him in every aspect of life..... ........don't cry in front of him suddenly..let him understand you need him. After that if you need to cry you can::)).I mean control your emotions a while please.


You took the words right out of my mouth except I moved with our 3 month old. I gave up basically everything I know only to go sleep with his back to me we hardly talk anymore it seems he seems so different now. There will be times, ALOT of times I throw myself at him only to be rejected which hurts because I just had a baby. When were driving I ALWAYS see him looking at girls walking om the sidewalks in his side and rear view mirrors. It just makes me so worthless snd unloved I know how you feel =\. It ***** BELEIVE me I know. I never in a million years thought moving in with my best friend and lover with our child that is feel mire alone than I ever have in the 24 years of my life. He hasn't said he's unhappy .... It's the things he DOSENT say that I know he feels, that hurts the most is that he can't come to ME anymore and if he can't come to me then who am I supposed to go to? Hrs all I have now...and lately it seems as though hrs been longggg checked out from this relationship....he was right to say he feels "more like roomates than anything" it's just sad that we had to fall apart lime this
I’m Indian and Married to Romanian (Girl). We used to work in same company but on different locations and fall in love, it was kind of distance relationship..but something unbelievable. Almost 6 months we talked like this way and then decided to marry..She reached to India and we married. As our decision was to stay in Romania I accompany her there…In the beginning things were beautiful but gradually sweet turned in to sour…I take all responsibility as I was scared for my career…cause of global economy downfall I could get no job in Romania. Whenever I try talked about on this matter to my wife she got upset….she always said there are many people jobless don’t worry I am with you..but my esteem was not allowing me to sit back and peruse life on my wife’s salary…my biggest frustration not was, I have no job but I could do nothing for her….whenever we used to go out I could buy nothing for her and I always felt so bad, being a husband I was not able to do what I need to (take care of her by all means) it pinched me always…..
@happy in marriage. I think to post something like what you have on a thread like this is completely out of order and I HOPE you get to read this. Most of the people on here did not choose for their relationships to end? How SMUG of you to come on waxing lyrical about children from two parent families much better off that from broken homes etc? yes, in the ideal world, two parents are far better, but if you have taken the time to read a lot of these posts you will see that most of the parents are ‘single’ already with an estranged/diengaged/abusive or non-commited spouse. surely in cases like this, a single happy parent is better than two miserable ones?
Thank you ladies with sharing. I really felt supported reading your words and experiences. A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. He was very grouchy and negative most of the time. Sometimes it was directed at me, sometimes not. Initially I attributed it to his life circumstance….losing his job, reorganizing his life. I now think that is how he relates to his environment and I don’t think he will ever change. He is a Marine and maybe his exposure to that culture and the lifestyle contributed to his incompatible behavior and attitude. I recognized that continuing down that road with him would have been unhealthy for me. It already was. I tried in so many ways to support his struggle and just lost the interest in continuing. Despite my deep care for him, our dynamic became unbearable. The issues became undeniable when he was broke with nowhere to go and he started staying at my house, despite me expressing kindly that I didn’t want that because living together means more when it is intentional about a vision of relationship and less about being convenient. I couldn’t turn my back and by moving him in, we were forced into facing relationship issues sooner than we were ready. We totally broke what we had and it ended in a way I truly regret. BIG emotion and I kicked him out, which was damaging to him and damaging to me. I do not regret ending it, but I do regret ending it in such an abrupt and destructive way. I think my big message here is despite the pain that a partner’s moods cause, end it in a way that is respectful to both. We both deserve to be available for something more compatible ahead and a destructive ending makes the reinvention difficult.
Initially when I asked her that she just blew it off quickly and said “I don’t know, but he needs to stop acting like this or else I’M OUT!”. So I made sure to ask her ONE more time to really emphasize the fact that I wanted a legitimate answer. When I did that, her indifference immediately turned to outrage as he wondered why the HELL I was “taking up for him” when she was the emotional victim of his actions. She mumbled something about “men not understanding” and just immediately changed the topic, so I obliged and we began talking about something unrelated. But I really wish we could have let that conversation play out, because there’s one gross misunderstanding some women have about men that I really wanted to clear up for her.
This is just a good standard practice in a relationship, and it’s great for nudging a loved one out of a slump. It involves really seeing them, the contributions they make, and highlighting them. If your partner works long hours and then takes on a lot of the work at home in the evenings so that you can pursue your passions, acknowledge them for that. If they’re giving of their time and patience with your family, let them know you notice that.
Speak at length about your history of successful relationships prior to this one.  Expound about how self-actualized you are due to your six months of therapy in the college counseling center ten years ago.  I mean, you showed up to at least half the appointments.  Except over summer break.  You have even read some stuff about relationships on the internet.  So, you know it’s not you that is at fault for your unhappiness, unless you’re “too nice.”  It is him that is to blame, entirely.  Bring this point home using a loud voice and some well placed finger pointing, so he has no doubt about his complete responsibility for 100% of your dissatisfaction.  You should only have to sit back and wait now.  The handwritten letter expressing his sorrow and regret for unilaterally ruining the marriage should be forthcoming tomorrow.
Every human heart is like a vessel. It longs to be filled to full capacity, but it can only be filled satisfactorily by the love of God. If your spouse’s heart is not complete by a relationship with Jesus then they will always be lacking. For a time they may try to fill that void with you, and when that doesn’t work they may try to fill it with pornography or even with another woman. This is not your fault, and we as women must realize this. 
its all aboyou how you FEEL with this guy when you are around him. My ex-husband had me laughing all the time, yet he had a way of subtly make me felt “less than” around him: MY jokes were not funny to him at all. Not surprisingly, my marriage ended years later. Not because of the humor thingy of course… But Evan is right on the money here, again: my ex was commanding the spotlight ( in life, our relationship) and this is not how w marriage works.
My wife is 41 I’m 56. Been together 10 yrs married 9 yrs. It’s been 9 yrs of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse from her. To start, she has a complex about having small breasts. I have no problem with them. I’m not allowed to touch them, not even during sex, which now is down to once a month. Even then it’s a fight. We don’t ever “make love”. It’s just quick sex. If I try to initiate sex, it doesn’t happen. If i persist she becomes irate, obscene and it’s a big fight. I’m not allowed to caress or to kiss her. Sex is only when she initiates it. No passion or foreplay. I’ve been begging and pleading for years. We fight and argue all the time, even about simple things. The next morning she would be all cheery as if nothing happened and I of course would not be. I keep telling her she’s destroying our marriage. What complicates it is that at the beginning I put up $63K to purchase our home with a mortgage. We also have a 5 yr old son that lives with us. My first boy child. I have 4 grown girls. The abuse over the years has taken a toll and I”m ready to end the marriage. I just can’t take it anymore. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Multiply it by 10 steady years, month after month, week after week. EVERYDAY!!!
As I read 7 ways to know if your marriage over I can say now out of 6 years this marriage has to end. I hate to do it but it’s known that I’m not what my husband want anymore. We argue I am accused of cheating because I go to church, everythings my fault when something goes wrong, I’m not allowed to talk about how I feel or I’m provoking an arguement it’s only how he feels that matters. I find porn websites all on the computer and thats my fault because he looks at that mess. He tells me I turn my back but he’ll wait until 3 in the morning after he gets off the web and decide he wants sex from me once a month. If I ask for sex it’s no i’m not up to it. Yes I can clearly see my marriage is over.
In some of the comments, women have been very negative. The article states men are wired deferantly. When a man does something good, thank him, tell him IN SIMPLE WORDS, with a smile, how much you appreciate or love whatever he did. IE... When he does take a shower, hug him up look him in the eyes and tell him how good he smells, how you love when he's smelling all fresh and clean. If you tell a man what pleases you, he will do it again!

He told me during the "talk" that he is afraid to introduce anything new or spontaneous into our reltionship because he can't know how I will react. I might get angry or resent him for offering advice or being better at something than I am. I tried to tell him that he can't assume things like that, and to call me out when my reactio is unwarrented, but he shuts down and then feels guilty for bringing it up to begin with.
I feel for a lot of you on this blog because I have been through it too and even though I have been seperated 17 months now I look at things in a new perspective. I was married for 23 years and with him for 27 we were high school sweethearts and I can tell you, that things might get better for a bit but it will always come back. I kicked him out on our wedding anniversary and since that day I have been through so much hurt as I found out that he is a drug addict and wonder why our marriage did not work out. He was lying and sneaking all the time and also I was mentally and phically abused for years. I put up with it my whole life because he made me feel I could never do better in life without him and when you are constantly put down it is the way your programmed to think. Since we split his drug use becaome way worse, he would steal from the house and do very evil tings behind my back. He even lost my house as he did not let me know that the mortage was behind and 5 days before last christmas I had to vacate my home with my two year old grandson that I am raising. There hass been so many games done to me that it almost makes me puke but I can tell you that I have loved him so much for the entire seperation, but two weeks ago something happened to change my mind and I dont even know what it was. All the sudden I dont have the same feelings for him and I am not calling him much anymore. I have wanted him to come back to me but I think that it is because he mentioned that he wants to work things out with me and I really dont know how to feel about that. All I can tell you is that my feelings are not the same. I think that I have fonally gotton over this hurt and I forgive him for everything. We shared our whole lives together and its over and I dont think that we can repair it. I know that I pay for my own things now and I am raising my grandson and really I have come to terms with that I dont need anyone as a partner. Sure I could have got someone else in my life but I never wanted to hurt anyone because I know that If I got another guy that I would drop him like a hot potatoe as soon as my ex wanted to come back, never wanted to involve anyone else. I thought that when he was done his drugs that he would come home. Problem is I dont think at this point I want him back. I realize that he loved me chasing him, texting him and calling him and the more I dont do it the more it intises him to see what I am up too and why I dont call. I am tired of the game as it has consumed my well being. You cannot change anyone ever. For awhile they may change but as they say you cannot change a tigers stripes and I believe that is the truth. I never wanted to ever be alone, but I asked myself do I really want to live like that again ang the answer is definately not. I dont want to raise my grandson in a fighting home, i did that with my kids and I was wrong for it. Good luck to all and remember if your not happy get out of it, dont waste your life you only have one. It is not worth it in end. I didnt want to be 80 years old rocking in my chair wishing i still did not have to live this life. Anyone can do better for themselves, sure they might not have as much but I can tell you now that I am not with him I can make sure I have things as he is the one who always cost a crap load of money..there is so much to my story but I cant tell it all it would take forever. Good luck everyone.

Well, I just broke up for the fourth time with a guy who would stay with me because he thought I had the whole thing going as in, the perfect girl for him, the one. He stayed because he wanted things to magically work (as in no efforts on his part) because he didn’t want me going off with someone else, since I was so perfect for him. But he was not happy. Like, what..? Anyway.
I can’t tell you if you made the right decision, but I do encourage you to think of your long-term happiness (and health — because it’s stressful and unhealthy to be the sole income earner in your marriage like you were!). Keep your life and relationship goals at the forefront of your mind: do you want to live with a man like your husband for the rest of your life? Can you envision yourself supporting him and your household bills all alone — is that what you want your life to look like?
Unless your husband has given your real reason to not trust him, always give him the benefit of the doubt. Most likely you have been cheated on or hurt in a past relationship, but don't let that baggage follow you into your marriage. Don't snoop in his phone, check his email, or spy on him when he's out with his friends. Let him know that you trust him and he will do all that he can to ensure he does not break your trust.
Ultimately the key thing here — whether it’s just moodiness or a more serious depression — is that he feels it’s out of his control. I know how it must feel that way, and that depression (if that’s what Katie’s boyfriend has) can create this vicious cycle where you feel hopeless about life — so why take action to fix it? But that first step is acknowledging the problem and perhaps how it’s affecting you and your loved ones and then getting some help. You can help them down the path a little once they get going, but only they can really take that first important step — which is ultimately one of taking responsibility.
I decided to take revenge on my wife by having an affair - hypocritically, as I'd claimed the high ground in previous rows about the infidelity she had been involved in. This was exciting and restored some of my confidence briefly. It was a horrendous mistake by me for all concerned. It damaged the person I had an affair with emotionally, it damaged me and it damaged both my wife and the relationship.
"I think it's very important for people to recognize that there are very few things that cannot be worked on in a relationship, and even repaired and resolved," Walfish says. (Think about how many couples can even work past cheating). But if a partner isn’t willing to work on improving your relationship, that’s a clear sign of trouble. After all, she says, "working on a relationship requires two willing participants. That means both partners have to be open to looking at their own stuff."
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