my husband when he came out of his cave came out like a grizzly bear willing to tear heads off when he was not allowed to have his way over time off , job choice and shift choice by seniority I have seen him break a mans back against a light pole because he was hounding my husband to work a fourth eight hour shift inhis place and let the man take us to a concert, I have seen my husband talking to four men about pulling his bid and when they said he could either go in under his own power and remove his bid or they would carry him in and the result would be the same he would remove his bid, My husbands answer was to grin and tell them to take whoever was whose wife , he could not tell the relationship or the way it worked with gay men and they could get off his porch, off his property and out of his face or he would kill them where they stood, then when the county commissioners son took the bait and the first swing it gave my husband all the rea, My husband paced around for onewson he needed to leave all four in bad condition heading for a trauma care to be placed in a critical care unit.
Well ive been married for 4 years now I really dont know were or when things started to go wrong me and my wife have.a..two month old baby wich is the love of our lifes but little by little our marriage have been declining …she says am a lyer am tired of been called that my advice to the couples out there dont judge until u have.prove….I feel like I really should go out there and do me since am acused of doing it any ways….anyone with some advice
When your husband is feeling under the weather, take care of him. Don't make fun of him because he's acting like a baby. Most likely, he is acting like a baby, but let him know you are there for him. Make him his favorite meal, go to the store to get medicine, and let him watch his favorite TV show. In the same respect, if he is just having a crappy day, give him his space and let him know that you are there for him if he needs you.
3. Have body confidence: Expanding on the last point, body confidence is super important to keep the spark alive in any sexual relationship. People change, and so do bodies. If you’ve gained weight since you first met, or you started getting dark chin hairs, or an emergency appendectomy left you with a weird scar, who cares? We guarantee you that decent, worthwhile dudes are not turned off by this. Shutting down your sex life over a few new stretch marks is sure to be a relationship killer. Don’t let time and gravity stop you from doin’ your thang, girl.
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4years and he says im contolling and he is unhappy now and he doesnt want to fix anything he just wants to end it. I love him alot but he isnt even trying to work it out or giving me a chance. He says he has waited for me to change and he sees that im the same person and he is done waiting. We use to talk about getting married and now he tells me he doesnt see us getting married. I dont want to loose him and i want to fight for him and he sees he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late for that.
Hello everyone my name is Grace Richman from USA,Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of DR IGBA that helped me recently to bring back my husband that left me for another woman for no reason for the past 3 years. After seeing a post of a woman on the internet testifying of how she was helped by DR IGBA . I also decided to contact him for help because all i wanted was for me to get my husband , happiness and to make sure that my child grows up with his father. Am happy today that Dr IGBA helped me and i can proudly say that my husband is now with me again and he is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of DR IGBA should contact him now on his E-mail: igbaspellhome@yahoo.com ...

Hi, I’m a young lady who got married @ the young age but my hubby has financial problems and avoids them. I don’t feel I love him because he leaves me alone in our flat goes out with his friends, sleeps over there with his single friends. I took a vow I won’t ask him where are his whereabouts because I don’t knw him no more. I’m too young to b in this situation. He accuses me of cheating and name calls me. I always help him witth his finances and tells me that I love him for his money. What money he is drowning in debt.
Well it is of no surprise the outright majority will be females who have been wronged by males. I myself am in a different circumstance. I have tried to push ahead in life with my relationship, for the pure fact that we have two children and it seems to be the morally right and socially acceptable thing to do. However, I am ending it….for the pure fact that I do not love this woman as one who needs a partner they can trust, should. It is to no fault of her own, she could not see what the relationship needed, and had instead focused on what articles like this had listed. Communication is paramount, but as much as everyone thinks they know, it is a two way street and listening is skill that we as humans must learn.

You gravitate towards people and things that make you the most happy. When your husband chooses to spend more time with his friends, working on his car, or doing some other activity than with you, it might signal that he is unhappy with you for some reason. He may be upset with you for some reason and isn’t talking to you about it because he doesn’t want to deal with the argument that will result from it.


I waa his frst choice..he was my life..but 5 month back all get changed. He doesnt want ne in his life..i asked him that y he is doing dis. He replied to me by saying that i am not that girl who he was thinking..from last few months i tried my level bst to save my relation with him but he didnt tried a single time. He always used ti say that he will leave hin if i will doubt him. He always show his temper if i disobey his words. He get angry when i say anything related to love or attachement. He has changed his self..what shuld i do?.. i love him badly..and i can imagine my lyf with him only and no one else..

Being the friend or partner of someone who has huge mental or emotional issues takes it’s toll on you.  Only a martyr or a doormat will stay for the abuse though, and I am neither.  It was very sad, I wish him the best, and I hope he does find someone who will put up with his erratic rollercoaster behavior.  I also hope she sees it WAY faster than I did, so she can make her decision before she falls in love with him.  And I hope she is the type who feels good about dedicating her life to someone else, because she will never count. The disorder will always come first.
I started a post and it posted before I was done, so… Again, I am sorry for all the hurt everyone here is going through, but I wanted to tell my story as well. First, I married a young girl straight out of high school. We were good friends, party buddies with benefits you might say. Anyway… She dropped out of school her junior year, we got married and I joined the army. The marriage was doomed from the beginning. We even fought on our wedding day and probably everyday after that. I came down on levy to go to Germany and soon after I got there, she made it aparent to me that she didn’t want to follow me over there. We had just had a baby boy and now I’m several countries away unable to see my son or mend a marriage. I soon found out that she had quickly shacked up with another guy and got pregnant by him with a little girl while we were still married. I told her I would raise the girl as my own if she would just come to me, but shortly after the birth of the girl, she was pregnant by him again with another boy. I couldn’t take it and she had said she wanted a divorce so I gave it to her. That being said, let’s move to the present. After returning from Desert Storm in Iraq and getting out of the Army, I soon met a beautiful and wonderful young woman. We fell in love and were married within 6 months. She is a wonderful person, very good mother and great Christian. We never had much and have always pretty much lived hand to mouth, but somewhat comfortable. She always seemed so in love with me. We have now been married 20 years and have had a few ups and downs, but for the most always had a great marriage. Since we married, I started developing several different illnesses following Desert Storm and they have really taken a toll on my physical ability to maintain a job and my Dr told me that I no longer had any business working and that I need to focus on my health. I am awaiting disability because of my decline in health. I have always been the bread winner in the family great fully. Both my wife and I are college educated and she has continued to go to college. Our beautiful daughter just graduated last night from high school and is getting ready to go to college. Over the past 2 years, my wife and my daughter have been spending a lot of time behind closed doors in my daughters room laughing and joking the whole evenings through. I’m never invited, my wife rarely talks to me any more unless I bring up a conversation and I have noticed over the past approximately 3 years, she has never initiated sex and when I want to make love, she either always has a head ache or nauseated or just does it to shut me up from trying to be persistent. Before, we always had a great passionate sex life now it seems like its just a chore for her. And also recently she has quit giving me any more than a peck for a kiss. She was always a passionate kisser before. I know she has a busy schedule as a school teacher, cheer leading coach, college student, mother and active church member. She says she loves me in passing, but I feel she no longer shows me that she loves me. There is no longer that twinkle in her eyes when she looks at me, she never flirts with me. There’s never that little pinch on the butt or slow kiss on the back of the neck or any other kind of play at all any more. I don’t think she is having an affair unlike my first wife, but I think maybe she has fallen out of love for me. Though she says she loves me and gets angry when I ask her if she does, I think she “loves” me, but is not “in love” with me. I wouldn’t cheat on her, but I still am a sexual creature and have to have that feeling of being looked at with “sex crazed eyes” or like Prince Charming. I’ve tried doing more things with her that she likes, but when I ask her to do things with me that I like (besides sex) she just says we just down have the same interests. I don’t want a divorce, I want the desire that my wife once had for me to return. I’m not the well built GI Joe boy toy that I used to be when returning from the army and am missing nearly all the beautiful hair that I had when we met, but I am the same person and I think even better. I have tried to change over the years to become more of whom she wanted me to be. I gave up smoking, drinking, cussing, came to know the Lord but it just doesn’t seem to be working she seems more distant now than ever. Is she wanting out or what can I do to return the spice to our marriage ?
We were married in 2007,its was an arranged marriage in India but settled in Melbourne, Australia.we had a baby this 2011 July. This March 2012 I discovered my husband has been seeing another woman. And then in a month I discovered that he was trying to bed more women when I was overseas with my lil son.one if them is still a mystery cos she has never told me wat hapned
This is just a good standard practice in a relationship, and it’s great for nudging a loved one out of a slump. It involves really seeing them, the contributions they make, and highlighting them. If your partner works long hours and then takes on a lot of the work at home in the evenings so that you can pursue your passions, acknowledge them for that. If they’re giving of their time and patience with your family, let them know you notice that.
Women, who are in the relationship, often think that a man must always try and take care of her and whatever she does, it should be the sheer happiness for him. She can dramatize and cry, and he should abstain and endure all. Maybe some people forget that just being in a relationship means reciprocity, compromise, and care. What's more, men, just like women, can also have worse times or bad humor. In addition, most men have a lot of responsibilities, which can also overwhelm them and affect their behavior.
Background Information – He is ex-military but when we lived in Washington state, he went through some things. I tried to be understanding, even though I didn’t understand. He would sleep all day, play video games all night, and the only interaction we had was fighting over the kids. It came to a head one night and the fighting got a tiny bit physical. I’ve been in an extremely abusive relationship when I was in my early 20’s. I refuse to do it again. I contacted family services on base and we started counseling. It was mandatory for him. I have two teenage daughters from the marriage I was in previously, and my husband and I have a 3 year old son. Counseling was helping some. It was helping us learn how to communicate better. It was helping with exercises to calm down, things like that. He was removed from our house on base the first night and we were only allowed to see each other with military 1st SGT present. He was so angry all the time but I could tell he was trying. As soon as he thought I might leave, he seemed almost panic stricken. Before this, he would not speak to me for weeks as a time. If I tried to hug him, he would pull away from me and say things like he didn’t want to be touched right now. So, we went through the counseling, he got out of the military and we now live in Oklahoma. He has made so much progress but he drinks too much. I’ve tried to talk to him about it when he’s sober. I can almost see the switch flip from okay to better watch out mode. He will get aggressive, pick fights with the kids, be mean to the kids (which makes me feel like a rabid dog), he will be fine one minute and tell us the next to “Get out”. He growls like an animal when he gets this way.
It’s one thing to leave a downer partner you’re casually or seriously dating in order to take care of your own needs, but what happens when you meet and marry a happy person, start having a wonderful life and children together, and then your previously happy partner starts becoming moody/depressed?  What if the depression is caused by a terminal illness or some other life-altering event?  Do you get a divorce so you can take care of yourself?  
This message meant for faiza. Don't be afraid of the future dear... speak to him openly... and tell him how much you love him and there is nothing which can replace him in your life. Tell him without him you will not be there. and the very important thing is, when you speak to him don't be harsh and don't tend to question him(why are you doing so...etc). speak to him like you already understood the situation. And show the affection like he is your son. Make him understand that you will be there for him in every aspect of life..... ........don't cry in front of him suddenly..let him understand you need him. After that if you need to cry you can::)).I mean control your emotions a while please.
Well it is of no surprise the outright majority will be females who have been wronged by males. I myself am in a different circumstance. I have tried to push ahead in life with my relationship, for the pure fact that we have two children and it seems to be the morally right and socially acceptable thing to do. However, I am ending it….for the pure fact that I do not love this woman as one who needs a partner they can trust, should. It is to no fault of her own, she could not see what the relationship needed, and had instead focused on what articles like this had listed. Communication is paramount, but as much as everyone thinks they know, it is a two way street and listening is skill that we as humans must learn.
This is the oldest trick in the book. Why do we start a relationship hoping a man is going to change? It’s important to accept your boyfriend for who he is, in the flesh. If you fell in love with your idea of him, and not the real him, that’s not his fault. If you are pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do, it’s not going to make him happy.
"Sex can be a major source of unhappiness in a marriage. Married folks often make the mistake of having sex only in bed in their bedroom, which turns it into a very routine and monotonous act. They can also often blame each other for being different in bed. But I find that different sexual personalities make the best couples. Instead of getting frustrated, they need to put things in perspective and work together to find a solution that makes them both happy." —Svetlana Kogan, M.D.
He'd started to act grumpy again and we talked about it, but he said he had no time to see a counselor. Then Sunday he said he was going to hang with a buddy. I don't know why, but I got a really bad feeling, so I drove to where he said he was and he wasn't there. I called him and he made up a lie, and then another one and another one. He was willing to drive drunk to try and cover up what he was doing even. I went home and he went home. He cried and said he'd been doing coke that day and didn't want me to know. He said he had lied about it several times lately and felt terrible.

Obviously I don't know your situation, but it sounds like it truly sucks. I don't know your background. What made you fall in love, how well did you know your husband before your married, why did you marry, etc. I'm sure that your husband loves you very much but he has clearly lost his way. I don't know why he seeks solitude but there may be a better reason than you suspect. I don't know why he is emotionally detached but I'm sure that it's not your fault and that the reason is anything other than what you might imagine it to be. All that being said, and giving him the benefit of the doubt, you need to go together to see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. They speak to lots of couples in similar situations and I believe that they can help you find out why your husband acts the way he does and how to help. You both need to focus on strengthening your relationship. This effort should take priority over your kids. They need you two to love each other and be happy together because you are their model of true love.
I see you are on this page frequently, so I thought I would ask you for help here. I wrote a lengthy comment on the page dealing with difficult parents, and I desperately need some help or advice. I don’t know what to do…it’s going to ruin my marriage and/or my life soon. Please read it and see if you can help me at all. I would greatly appreciate any insight you may have. I’m desperate!!!
Evan, I’m de-lurking to say this post is BRILLIANT. Thank you a million times over for this! I’ve been feeling sad since dumping a moody guy last month, and this is just what I needed to hear. You’ve helped me feel so much better about my decision. I hear a lot of my male friends complain about dating women who are “downers,” but rarely do I hear my female friends complain about moody men, so I was torturing myself about dumping this guy. I wanted to believe he’d snap out of it, but he didn’t, so… goodbye and good luck to him. Thank you, Evan, for your perspective as someone who has “been there,” and thank you for reminding women that we deserve better.
And sweet to me. After living together out of college he didn’t have a job and I did. I helped provide for him . Then he got a job and we both held down the house and bills together. I quit my job and got another one after 2 weeks. Then he lost his job. We have Soo many bills. I am losing interest in him. He has gained a lot of weight, he doesn’t clean (just dishes ). Also when we go out on dates he is yawning and not talking to me. I feel like he is bored with me. He likes to stay in the house all
My husband has been struggling for a while now. Probably a couple of years that I know of. I told him that if he needed to take some time away from his regular life to try and figure things out for himself, I would support him in that. Well....he thanked me and found a place to stay next month. Alone. He will still go to work, but be away from all other aspects of his routine home life.
I am 20 years old i had an arranged marriage when i was 19. i’ve been married to my husband for 10 months and never had any contact with him before marriage. the problem is we are living with his parents and i do not get along with them, they have said to me on a numerous of occassions go home. i do everythng for them cook, clean iron etc. they don’t appriciate anything i do.as for my husband he’s always away at university and i hardly get to see him he also works.
Hi. Im no expert but if he can stop to care about her feelings he can stop to care about your feelings if he loves you. Sometimes i believe some men get a little to selfish because they feel the love we have for them. But make him see that if he can’t stop seeing her then your of the menu too “so to speak”. Make him decided what’s more important. That way you can also find some one who can make you happy whether its him or someone else. That’s my thought good luck!

As the novelist and essayist Charles Baxter put it in his book Burning Down the House, "People in a traumatized state tend to love their furniture." It's almost as if we're gathering things to bolster against loneliness. And there's a study to confirm the same rule applies to marriage: Margaret Clark, a professor of psychology at Yale, found that "people who attach more value to their possessions may be less secure in their personal relationships than those who put less value on material goods." A large-screen, 3D-enabled television isn't complicated. A shiny new tablet won't expect too much.
Speaking of friendship, a person told me once how they regret the lack of lighthearted conversation between him and his wife. They’ve been together for a while and he felt like all they ever talked about was the kids’ schools and various appointments and the “To Do List.” He said that they needed to make time for nurturing their romantic relationship because it felt like it was becoming nonexistent.

Have you thought about individual or couples counseling? Even if your husband refuses to go, it’s a great way for you to figure out what you should do and if you can help him see how serious your marriage issues are right now. Talking to a counselor — even without your husband present — can be a great way to see things clearly and objectively. Which, in turn, can help you decide whether your marriage is over or just going through a rough stage.
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Time went on and I tried. Counselling, relationship courses, religion, mental breakdowns. And then I worked painstakingly through "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship" by Mira Kirshenbaum. Getting out was the hardest thing I have ever done - to intentionally break up a home and shake the foundation beneath my children's feet made me wilt and doubt everything about myself. But the result is beyond expectation - I had forgotten what normal and happy was. Now I remember and my children remember and laugh with me.

My husband and i have been married for just over a year. I recently told him that i feel emotionally empty and more like we are good friends than husband and wife. He said he feels the same way. He got very angry and hasn’t talked to me much in a couple days. We haven’t been intimate in quite a while, like a couple weeks. I don’t know how to fix this and make him talk to me again. He wont tell me he loves me. Recently he made a new female friend at work. It makes me very uncomfortable. He assures me that they are just friends, but i have a hard time believing him. He works night shift and hasn’t been coming home on his lunches (he used to every night). He says he just sleeps in his car or takes a drive, but again im not sure if i believe it. I miss him terribly and i want everything to be good again. I just dont know if he is trying to distance himself from me, or if i just need to give him space and let him talk when he is ready. I dont know if its normal to feel disconnected through the first year or so of marriage. I have heard it is the hardest. He has always been wonderful to me. He is a very nice person. Im afraid that my feelings of emptyness were based on something temporary and i just hurt him by saying what i did. I just need advice!

This wasn’t the man for you. He was an experience, a chapter of your life. How do I know he’s not the man for you? Because he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Because you’re searching for tips on what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He told you he’s not the man for you, maybe with words or maybe with actions. Maybe he told other people he’s finished with you. You need to listen to him, believe him, and let him go.


Well i have a question and need some help. I just left my husband who i was married to for 3 years but all together 6 years. We have one child together, He is a great dad and great to me here is the problem he will not work he has had many jobs in the past but u know something always happens. Never has he once paid for me to eat or something really nice no rent light etc… i was just fed up with it he would get mad if i bought myself something new and did not get him anything. Now i feel like i am all alone just me and my child i take care of myself and have a o.k job but get paid . I pay all my bills myself never getting any help from my husband. I looked and really cannot find someone going through my same situation.
My problem is I’m not able to reason with her at all over the last few years, only if it’s in line with what she thinks is right. I’ve reached a point where I can’t go on arguing over stupid things because it’s at the point that I can’t deal with it and I don’t even care if my life ended. I have some health issues as well. By no means am I saying it’s always her fault, but I’m sick of it. If she told me to leave I would just to have a piece of mind. She doesn’t want me to have a dog, which I’ve had in the past,she gets upset over basically nothing and has an attitude till I apologize for something that wansnt even my fault. I’m not perfect by any means. This is a a very SMALL idea of want I have to deal wIth daily.
I have been struggling in my relationship for seven months. I have been in this relationship for almost three years common law and we have a 1.5 year old daighter. We each have a six year old from previous relationships as well. I know I’m settling. He’s brought major financial problems on this home – thankfully we have nothing joint in our finances so it was all in his name- but then I still have to overcompensate on the bills to make HIS half ends meet. He’s proven to be a pathological liar, after this long he still doesn’t accept my six year old son as his own- even though I have fully bonded with his six year old daughter, so much that I have a friendship with his ex. He goes through cycles of atleast 3 days a month where he won’t talk to me not even to respond in small talk- like I don’t exist and he plays mind games this entire time. He’s ripped me off $4000 and now he’s drug himself so far down he can’t really even cover his bills. I’ve almost left multiple times ( actually he’d be the one leaving cause he can’t afford this home) but keep giving him ” one more chance”. I’m not sure if I’m delusional thinking maybe one day he’ll come to the end of himself and grow up and that things will get better. But I’m finding mySelf feeling more trapped and unhappy. 90% of what has kept me here is my daughter I have with him . What do I do? How do I kick someone out that has nothing? How do I avoid being manipulated into giving him another chance ? How do I protect myself from his vindictiveness after I do end it ? Please, any advice will do. Of course there are so many other details but there isn’t enough time or space.
What does your post have to do with having a moody bf? Do you have a bf? I don’t think so because  I sense a veiled attempt to relay that you think the guy you mention should dump his gf for you. I wonder what would happen if he did? Maybe you’d be subject to whatever treatment she’s getting, then you’d be sorry. Or at least discover the empathy for gf that you’re lacking now.
The one thing I feel for you in this situation is you did not have a friend of family member who would grab you by the shirt and smack you upside the head and tell you to grow a spine! You should have divorces her after the 1st infidelity and taken your kids with you! She even talked you into admitting your affair and not mentioning her many, you got suckered!
The need to protect their loved ones is also the basis for men while the need to be protected is the basis for women. And although modern men no longer have to protect the weaker sex from predators and wild tribes, there are still dangers in our troubled world. Therefore, it is pretty natural that a loving man becomes worried when his second half comes back from work late or is alone in an unfamiliar place. If he cannot be around, then he’ll at least call her and make sure she’s fine. By protecting a woman from threats, whether real or imaginary ones, a man feels like a superhero.
ive been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs we have a beautiful 1 yr old daughter & well lately he spends all day everyday outside in the garage watching tv & he doesnt care abt spending anytime with me & when I go tell him that its wrong that he is always outside and he doesnt spend no time w/me he tells me I bitch alot he nvr wants to listen to me & tells me to leave…& when I ask him if he’s tired of me & he says yes idk wat to do anymore ;(

I spoke with 10 relationship experts about how exactly to tell whether your partner is not so into your partnership — what are the hints? How can you know? What are the definitive signs? Though they all had different takes on the situation, they all had a lot of things to say about it, confirming our worst fears: It is totally possible to be in a loving relationship, and all seems well, but under the surface — well, you saw Jaws. Sounds like many relationships can seem perfectly fine, or at least OK, but there are some subtle exhibitions of discord or at least unrest that are worth keeping an eye out for in your partnership. Here are 10 whispers of strife in a relationship.

Im 22 years old and have a pne month old baby boy. After moving in with my now husband, I found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker even before I was pregnant. When I confronted him hr first denied it until I showed him proof. I love him very much. His son and me need him. I dont want my child to not grow up without his dad. If it was just me I would of left. But im thinking about what is best for my son. After we talked about it we said we would try to make it work. I thought he would stop but I catch him lying to me and getting out to go see her. I went through his phone and saw that he tells her he loves her and hates having to leave each other. She tells him that she hates knowing that he comes home to me. I love him but I feel so hurt about everything especially after the fat that we have a son now. We had made so many plans that im am soo confused and not sure of his feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He says that the fire in our relationship is not there or the love like when we meet 2years ago. I dont know what to do or how to make our relationship work. How do I bring tjat intimacy back into our relationship. Im not talking about sex but emotionally.
Me an my husband have been married for two years now, we have a wonderful, healthy one year old together. My problem is, he’s quite a mommy’s or should I say grandmas boy. Before we got married he lived with his grandparents where his grandma did everything for him. She cooked, cleaned, did his laundry, made his bed, an waited on him hand an foot. Now that we are together I don’t mind cleaning, cooking, or any other house chores, but he expects me to do them without any help. I don’t get off work till 8pm an he cooks dinner alot I will admit that. He acts like I never do anything, he tells me if I only worked as hard as he has to. Mind you I’m a caregiver taking care of two different clients, an he is a cable guy. He tells me all the time I don’t care about the things he does for me, but I feel the same way. I’m to my breaking point I can’t take his put downs an him saying my job means nothing. I don’t want to leave him, but something has to change.

A patient of mine has a mentally ill brother who's depressed and anxious, as well as manipulative and stubborn. He often refuses to take medication that's helped him in the past and as a result often ends up lying at home in his bed, unwashed and unkempt, for days at a time. When my friend discovers him in this state, she tries various things: taking him to the ER (which she's learned leads nowhere), contacting his therapist (which sometimes helps, sometimes not), and even walking away, both figuratively and literally. She struggles with how much she may be enabling his behavior and with how unhappy his unhappiness is making her. She vents to me on occasion, and I try to walk a fine line between encouraging her not to give up on him and supporting her decision to protect herself emotionally. Recently, he had a particularly bad episode and it got me wondering: how can we best manage the unhappiness of people we love?
Im not married but this suits my relationship of two years perfectly. Of course, finding this out in marriage is so much more difficult. Thank you. This writing eases my pain and makes me feel better about the situation. After he admitted to me he was angry Monday through Friday and wasn’t where he saw himself at 30 years of age, it was then I finally realized that no amount of talking, crying, and trying was going to make him love me back the way I love him. Everything made sense once he said that to me. I recently started my nursing career and I’m happy. I have hard days for sure but I come home feeling like I made a difference for someone that day. I feel fulfilled. I have a great family who is always there for me and I have most of the things I want. I dreamt about our future together and I found myself working my life around his but he just wasn’t on the same page. I told him during our final breakup that I knew he wasn’t happy at work but that I prayed for him everyday and will continue praying and he responded with “I’m not religious.” It hurt my heart that he didn’t see how much I care about him, how much I want to be on his team, and help him get through any struggle. I was his biggest fan. 🙁 But there’s nothing I can do about it and I see that now. It’s not me.
 Know That He Might Be Unhappy In Another Area Of His Life:  The men in this situation don’t come right out and say this of course.  (Sometimes, they don’t even realize it themselves.) But it’s often very easy to read between the lines.  It’s not uncommon for this whole “I’m not happy” business to come at a time when he’s otherwise struggling.  Perhaps he has lost his job.  Maybe he is going through a serious lifestyle change.  Or perhaps something is happening with his extended family.  Whatever the reason, it’s very common for a man to take a problem that has nothing whatsoever to do with his marriage and then to project that problem onto the person who is most convenient or who is the closest to him.  And that person is often his wife.

Im 22 years old and have a pne month old baby boy. After moving in with my now husband, I found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker even before I was pregnant. When I confronted him hr first denied it until I showed him proof. I love him very much. His son and me need him. I dont want my child to not grow up without his dad. If it was just me I would of left. But im thinking about what is best for my son. After we talked about it we said we would try to make it work. I thought he would stop but I catch him lying to me and getting out to go see her. I went through his phone and saw that he tells her he loves her and hates having to leave each other. She tells him that she hates knowing that he comes home to me. I love him but I feel so hurt about everything especially after the fat that we have a son now. We had made so many plans that im am soo confused and not sure of his feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He says that the fire in our relationship is not there or the love like when we meet 2years ago. I dont know what to do or how to make our relationship work. How do I bring tjat intimacy back into our relationship. Im not talking about sex but emotionally.
I remember a brief conversation my parents had when I was 17 years old. My father, who had the day off and was working in the garage, came into the house and said to my mother, “Hey, I need to run to the store to buy a ladder. Wanna come?” Without even looking up from washing the dishes, my mom replied, “Why would I want to go with you to buy a ladder? That’s not fun.”
I am a man and have gone through the video game addiciton. I went there to the game as an escape or catharsis from another crisis in my life. We all get into he said she said this and that trying to convince ourselves its the others fault. Look deep within for your own criticism of self as well as your spouse. Own up to how you feel and communicate with him. Stooping low and doing the same thing he is doing your own way is the surest way to ensure failure. I have blown it this way too. Further a word of caution, beware the criticism of others toward your spouse in your external relationships, less they influence the fate of your internal relationship. We all want to bounce our situation off of other Neutral pseduocounselors. Don’t fall into the trap of believing for a second you can provide that objective view for them to evaluate. It doesnt hurt to talk. Just communicate. If it fails at least you have tried.
Men hate complaining so they are better off saying nothing at all. Perhaps he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or he hopes he’ll cope with his unhappiness alone. He keeps silent and looks thoughtful. Men tend to think over the current situation that bothers their mind. You may ask what`s going on but I bet he`ll not answer. Give him some time to put his thoughts in order and handle his problems on his own.
I thought my partner was the one. Cheesy as hell right! I went back home to visit my parents for a month. He was supposed to come but made up excuses like he couldn’t get time of work, money ect. He broke up with me a week after being home over the phone while I was on the other side of the world literally. It was so hard going back knowing I had lost my house, cat everything. I had to live at a friends house until I found my feet again. He asked my to find a house in another state! Which for some stupid reason, I did!!? He new he wanted to break up with me before I left. He couldn’t give me a reason. Nothing. It was just because. It took him over a month to tell me some sort of reason. But still to this day tells me how much he loves me how much he wants to see me and every now and then reminds me we will never be together. He told me today he slept with someone else. It killed me inside. I’m numb, confused and so so hurt. Who new your actually felt pain when your heart gets torn to spreads. I find my self reading this artical and I think what the fk was I thinking chasing someone who doesn’t love me the way I deserve to be loved. Great article.
I guess I am not the only one. He cheated on me multiple times. He kept texting other girls but wont text me. I saw a girl dressing up in his bedroom on his phone but he told me a friend visited with his girlfriend and they took his phone. I had to believe him because I love him. He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?

Great article Steve, one of the best I have read so far on GMP. It applies to more than just marriages, it includes all depending on others for happiness. One of the consequences that can flow from going the change route to be responsible for your own happiness is that it can mean the end of your relationship which may have been a reality regardless. To minimise the risk of this you need to consider how you will effectively communicate your change needs with your partner and be prepared for negotiation around a win win solution. This also might require… Read more »
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