When your husband comes home from a day at work, do you give him a warm welcome, or do you greet him with a list of things that he didn’t do or that he didn’t do right? You both have every right to feel overwhelmed and tired from life’s stressors, but remember: You’re in a partnership and you should both be lifting each other up. By doing the opposite, you suck the energy out of the relationship and out of the bond between you.
Twenty years is quite a commitment. Do you have children that just graduated high school or college? Have you let yourself go? Is he having a midlife crisis? Is he healthy? Sometimes people just need their space. Sometimes this will heal, and sometimes this will divide. My initial advice is unless You are looking for an excuse to end it for sure, let it go. Ignore him and go on like he never said a thing. “I told my wife long ago I was leaving, she ignored me” I am still here and faithful to this day.
Where and how do you start getting healthy and letting go? You try different things until you find what works for you. Maybe a marriage counseling program will help. Maybe you need to do something, such as changing your life — perhaps by moving to a different city, traveling, or getting individual counseling. Some people find physical spa treatments helpful, or alternative therapies such as reiki or energy healing.
First of all, I would like to say he isn’t this way very often but when he is, it’s a little scary. Un-nerving. He becomes volatile very quickly. And you never know if he’s going to be that way when you open the door or his normal self. It’s exhausting. I can’t relax, I feel like I have to be on constant guard. He complains that we don’t have sex enough, that I don’t initiate it enough, that when he gets that way, all I have to do is take him to the bedroom. I thought at first that he was kidding. I think he is angry at me but he strikes out (harsh words) at the kids to me because he knows it gets to me.
If you confront her it will only lead to a heated exchange and a forcing of her hand. This route never really goes well. My opinion is to ignore the entire subject and stop trying to find out more. I mean this with all sincerity. I forced the issue and lost twice before. Maybe I am an expert? In any case don’t be rash and make any descions without looking very hard and long down the road of possibilities. Things never turn out well when you force someones hand. Forgive and move on or realize that you will be giving up everything you know as your life today. Proabbly your house if you own it at the very least the place you currently live. You will be starting over nearly from scratch. Don’t even think of harming her in any way as the law will have you as their prime suspect no matter what. Worse case scenario is you think you are smarter than 30,000 people and off your wife. The law catches you and your son has no momma and no poppa. DON’T DO IT. Forgive and forget any of it happened and pray to God for a marrage fix without ceasing. Best advice you can’t buy.
Have you been feeling your partner slowly or suddenly pulling away? In an interview with Bustle, Cecil Carter, CEO of dating app Lov says this is a hint that your partner has become unhappy in the relationship. It’s important when you feel them pulling back to have a conversation about what is happening to learn if its a problem in the relationship or external factors that having nothing to do with you. By having the conversation early, you can hopefully address any of the problems that are making your partner want to pull away, or just give them the space they need to come back on their own.
Even worse, he lost to the one cheater that insists you don't actually have to throw the slammer! I met a few people, one being my best friend sadly, who insisted that you were allowed to just push down hard on the top edge of them with the slammer until the force was too much and suddenly 90-100% of the pile would flip over lol. It lasted a few days until nobody would play with them anymore.
There are tons of hints that your partner is unhappy, Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences , tells Bustle. If they're constantly checking their phone instead of giving you their undivided attention, that is no good. Not paying attention during the conversation is a definite sign, she says, along with disinterest in being together irritability. If you try to broach the subject and they don't want to discuss it, that can be another sign.
I have a confession. Sometimes, when my partner is distracted, I just look at him and wonder, what the hell is happening in that head of his? It's not that he doesn't communicate. He does. But I still wonder sometimes if he's really happy in our relationship. I know I can't be alone in this. Wouldn't we all love to be able to know for sure what's in the hearts and minds of our partners at any given moment? I do my best to look for the signs he's not happy in the relationship, but I can't help but wish someone very smart would hurry up and develop that mind reading tech already.
Bf of 3 years broke up with me months ago. We are from different countries andoved abroad for a year now moved back to my country. We were supposed to have a fresh start but he broke things off before we moved. We met up a few times and made out a few times after break up. But now he said he will only come back to my life once I move on. It is so difficult to hear things like it and I am still devastated. I am sure I can make things right only if he gives us one more chance but I also know he is far away gone.
Try your hardest to focus only on the negative parts of the marriage. I am sure there were red flags from Day 1. Of course, there was also the time he drove an hour to meet you for a half hour, or sent you that funny email, or when he first told you he loved you. But those things pale in comparison to all the crappy stunts he’s pulled, so do your best to erase the positive incidents from your memory entirely. What good could it do to lead with the positives anyway? You’re trying to get through to him here, and the best way is to emphasize what a complete mistake this marriage was in the first place. Wait till you see how hard he tries to fix things once you’ve told him they are entirely unsalvageable!
I am the woman who loved him, supported him, and put up with him for well over two years. I am the woman who kept coming back after he broke up with me. I am the woman who compensated and paid for everything because he couldn’t get a job. I am the woman who was there for him 24/7. His family, of course, was on the other side of the country. One of his siblings did say “we have always known there was something off about him, thank you for loving him enough to figure it out”, but then he was bullied by the rest of the family. So there was zero support coming from anyone.
Sadly my story is truly bizarre 3 years ago my hubby was seeing hooker he denied it I caught him meeting one at the gas station when he said he had, to be there at one one oclock I thought that was suspicious so I insisted on going with him a very attractive blonde came running to the right at one oclock when see saw me she turned on her heal he let on as if nothing was wrong few weeks I was out pretty sure saw him with the same blonde in our car . he denied it again we went to counselor and even the counselor told him it was pretty dam suspicious he still denied it then he got very ill at the hospital it was discovered he had hepc that had gone into livercancer,still he wouldn,t admit he passed away the last thing he did was call for her I guess her name was Kathy no one knew any one by that name… So now I have to life with burned in my heart and memories the resentment the anger grief he was only with me because of security money I am sure our kids thought he was the greatest man so does everyone else its a nightmare ..Like the counselor said selfishness and most likely sex addiction …….its hell after7mths I think I will make it but my trust is gone…since seen the same women working the streets..
The second step to finding happiness when you’re married to a good guy is to be clear on what makes you happy. A great husband isn’t enough. A solid marriage isn’t enough. A good job, obedient kids, and financial stability isn’t enough to make you happy! This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. On the contrary, it means you’re normal. God created you to connect with Him, to glorify and have a relationship with Jesus. You’re not happy because you’re not doing what you were created to do.
I never believed in miracle until this happened to me recently and I am sharing this publicly with everyone because I know there are many people who might be in the same position I was and here it goes or any kind of difficulties, My wife has been separated from me for about 1 year plus and move in with another man while filing for divorce. Honestly I can't deny that I truly love, miss her and can't do without her in my life, I feel emptied after she left me and being away from her was not okay for me at all but to my luck . I was introduced to this man whom I was made to understand he can make my wife come back to me and continue to live the way we used to live together before, At first I have a very doubting mind but decided to give it a trial, I explained to this man about my wife, he did what he have to do and assured me my wife will be back to me within the next 7 days and to my surprise, I received a call from her on the third day and we are finally back together and moved in back with me on the fifth day and she dismissed the divorce in court and we are finally living happily back together. This man has really made a positive impact in my life and I have promised to promote and advertise his sense of humor about this and will surely help you out especially made to bring back your love who is with some one else, or who has left you and don’t want to be back to you and you can as well explain any form of problem or challenges you might be facing in life. You can get in touch with him via his email address email@example.com or text him on (805) 317-6862 and I assure, you are going to praise me later, If you are facing any kind of difficulty, I oblige you to give this man a trial and you won't regret it.
If you cannot identify any specific parts of your relationship that make you unhappy, you may be dealing with a larger problem. In such cases, it might be a good idea to involve a couple's counselor, suggests Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith in their HelpGuide.org article "Relationship Help." If you are struggling with personal issues or with your mood in general – not just your marriage – let your husband know what you are experiencing. For example, frequent crying, insomnia or not enjoying the things that you used to may point to a broader issue. Once your husband understands how you're feeling, he may be able to help ease some of your daily burdens, as well as help you find a health care provider to help you deal with these issues.
"People do not experience love in the same way, and if you're not speaking your partner's 'love language', that can result in great unhappiness. Dr. Gary Chapman detailed the five different love languages to help couples learn and speak the language of their spouse — those languages are quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gift giving. Learning to speak a partners' love language has saved many marriages." —Kim Olver, relationship coach and author of Secrets of Happy Couples
Reading all in an effort to know how to talk to an adult daughter. She said she was diagnosed with chronic low grade depression. Sometimes it is hard to be around her. She finds slights where there are none. One of her brothers said he does't know how to act around her, that it is like walking on eggshells. She throws a lot of "nasties" at me; thinks it is ok to criticize me in front of others, etc. Mostly, I have not responded but since I low my youngest son, her behavior overwhelms me. Lately, it has gotten to the "straw that broke the camel's back". I would like to sit her down and tell her how this affects me but am concerned how that would in turn affect her. We all hurt since I lost my son. He was a loving, affectionate, kind person; it is as we lost the sunshine coming into a room. Saying that because I think that is affecting my former tolerance. Any good advise out there? Thanks.
I agree with Esther Perel on one thing: we do need to receive fulfillment from our daily lives, or else we end up unhappy. But the remedy isn't for us to go from person to person looking for the next high. There’s no way another human being can bring us complete happiness; they're just as flawed as we are! God intends for us to find fulfillment in living a life of intimate communion with Him.
But you did none of those things that my ex did. You tried. You talked to your boyfriend. You discussed these issues with him. You say you tried to get him to seek out help. I would’ve been so thankful if my ex had treated me like you treated yours. And I would’ve probably responded with positive changes. The fact that your ex didn’t, means you did the right thing by walking out. There’s only so much you can do to help your partner heal when they are not cooperating in any way. I wish you quick recovery and complete healing in getting through this post-breakup stage, which is indeed very hard.
I have been married for 16 years now and finally at my wits end with my wife. I do about 90% of the cooking, finances, cleaning, yardwork, grocery shopping, house/car maintenance, mowing, flowerbeds, helping kids with homework, etc. You get the picture. She is a slob, depressed and chooses to do nothing most of the time around the house (unless it is reading a book or playing video games—DUH!) although she does work full time and we have 2 children whom I love dearly. I am so tired of not getting the help I deserve from her. Did I mention that I worked on my Master’s degree and PhD also while working full time? She chose not to finish college and doesn’t want to go back…too much work for her I guess? I average around 100 hours per week (due to my PhD) and she works 40. Yet I get to do all the above items….I went into this marriage as a 50/50 split to share responsibilities and committments yet get very little from her at all. Have you ever fell asleep standing up, leaning over a dryer at 2 am because your partner wouldn’t do the laundry but she would read a book??? A romance novel to boot???? I have left the bathroom in our Master bedroom go uncleaned for the last 9 months to see if she would clean it….not a chance…she wiped out the sink and the toilet seat with a cleaning wipe and that was it. Amazingly it is OK with her. She doesn’t get dirty = germs which = people get sick more often. Her clothes are piled all over the room, she will walk out of the kitchen without thinking of doing the dishes or even wiping the counter after she messes it up. The new car we bought is constantly a disaster (so is our home) and she NEVER attempts to clean it, wax it or even take care of it. It is just over and over the same thing. I usually have to get up the next morning early and clean up everything prior to feeding my kids–which she won’t do most times “find yourself something to eat” is what normally comes out of her mouth. Weekends are a terror to me….she stays in bed until 9 or 10 am and watches TV most of the day…while I clean, have to work at the University, mow, shovel snow, etc. Can you believe what a completely non-caring self-centered individual she is?? This is the kind of lunacy that I have put up with for the last 16+ years and I am just so done with this. I am worried about my kids, whom I love dearly, and how this will impact them as well as the house being unfinished and not ready to sell yet – which it will most likely have to be since I sunk a large part of my assets into it for the down payment (she added none of her money for it). She is depressed but I am the one that is always to blame and I am SOOOO tired of it. Sex is infrequent if ever (have went as long as 8 months without her doing anything and we now are at 3 months and counting, once a month lately is a miracle)…We see a marriage counselor but that is just fingering pointing at me again and again and again. She tries a little to change but goes right back to her old habits very quickly. She never completes the change. What am I supposed to do and where can I find a woman who is caring, respectful, and wants a husband who will share the burden 50/50, not complain about it, is active, highly intelligent and deeply cares about a partner that they are in love with???? I am to the point that I have stopped caring about her and rarely have anything positive to say about her, to her or for her. I have lost my sex drive for her and really don’t care to have sex with her anymore. She has caused so much hurt and anxiety with her “not doing it ” attitude (I realize that this is linked to the depression also – which is permanent post partum and will most likely never get any better). I am the one with the “problem” —HUH???? OMG I will go insane if I hear that again at the counselors office. What can I do? All I want is a nice, caring, share the burden with me, wife that appreciates a good relationship and is willing to care about the family, house and us???? I apologize for the poor grammar, spelling errors and the associated but I am just so fed up with it!!!
I am sorry that is happening to you. As I read your story, I was compelled to tell you that you need to get out of that relationship. YOU deserve so much better and need to be treated with respect. Walk away. The first step is hard. You need to do this for you or you will be miserable… Trust me. Good luck in your decision but you do deserve a lot better.
On the other hand, the expression of love is important just as much. From a big hug to many kisses. The desire to touch another human being is a basic necessity, just as the heat of a squeeze is something that brings us comfort. You can do this experiment: If you see a sad person in the street or your boyfriend is in a sad and unmotivated state, go and give him a big kiss, you will see how his mood changes instantly.
At this moment, I am still ready to move on, but again, the fault is mine!! “If you want to stay with me it is OK, otherwise I can’t stop you from leaving” are the actual words”. It is difficult to equalize the things we did to each other, but I cannot forgive her now only to plot how to hurt her bad down the road. This is what she did to me. In her defence for my presenting the evidence, my “affair” constantly came up. She still refuses therapy and I am at a breaking point. She still claims she has not done anything wrong and I guess according to Laurie’s article this smells like the end. I refuse to believe that, but I guess it is a matter of time before more truth smacks me in the face and wakes me up from this illusion that I live in.
One of the most important things to do here is to communicate with him. Invite him to share his feelings with you and be open to criticism. Remember, this is exactly what will help you to pinpoint what is needed right now. When communicating with your husband help him to feel at ease and know that he shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you about these things. Show him you’re in tune with his emotions, and you’re there to do what’s in your power.
That sounds way easier than it was. It was hard. It was agonizing to walk away from a relationship that brought so much happiness, peace and contentment in my life. It’s hard to give up those dreams I had with my ex: the children I was going to have, the life we were going to lead. I come from a family with a depressed parent, and it was HARD for me to break my pattern of “caretaking” and co-dependency and taking on all the responsibility. I feel sad to lose someone I love, angry at him and myself, guilty for “abandoning” my boyfriend. And yet I’ve seen up close from my own parents what Julia is 1.1 says: if they can’t take responsibility and take care of themselves, there’s little hope of having a functional relationship until they do. And I’ve done so much work to get to a happy, contented point in my life that I can’t give that up now, just to hold onto a relationship that isn’t meeting my needs.
I can’t say it will last and I can’t say I am happy but she didn’t do anything and neither did I. Sometimes we get into a funk and it lasts a very long time. I know some people are incapable of giving us what we need even when we spell it out for them. They are unwilling,unable, or have some personal,religous,or family taught or untaught traits that damage a long term relationship.
The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
Christine, I think you are mixing apples with oranges on this one. It is not that the person has a flaw, physical or mental, it is that they are the ones responsible for seeking their own treatment. I do not think telling someone you love “you need to get help with this because it is destroying us” is abandoning anyone. It is asking them to take responsibility for their own health and well being. When we are dealing with adults, we cannot “get them to a doctor”. We can suggest, we can recommend, we can even beg or plead….but we cannot “make” them do anything.
I thought my partner was the one. Cheesy as hell right! I went back home to visit my parents for a month. He was supposed to come but made up excuses like he couldn’t get time of work, money ect. He broke up with me a week after being home over the phone while I was on the other side of the world literally. It was so hard going back knowing I had lost my house, cat everything. I had to live at a friends house until I found my feet again. He asked my to find a house in another state! Which for some stupid reason, I did!!? He new he wanted to break up with me before I left. He couldn’t give me a reason. Nothing. It was just because. It took him over a month to tell me some sort of reason. But still to this day tells me how much he loves me how much he wants to see me and every now and then reminds me we will never be together. He told me today he slept with someone else. It killed me inside. I’m numb, confused and so so hurt. Who new your actually felt pain when your heart gets torn to spreads. I find my self reading this artical and I think what the fk was I thinking chasing someone who doesn’t love me the way I deserve to be loved. Great article.
Make a list of the positive qualities you have that you are proud of and that he is lucky to have you for. Magazines have encouraged women to compare their looks to other women in a very biased way. If you find yourself asking how you look often, it will come off as desperate. Men love a woman that is confident with who she is naturally, and you have no reason to obsess over how you look.
I have a similar situation with my boyfriend he is very moody and it’s affected my child the most. He are constantly fighting every weekend over something so small and he would Storm off and go home for a couple of days or if my child wakes him up in the morning he goes mad and curses at me infront of my child and then again he would Storm home. I know he hates he’s job and it isn’t stable and that really bothers him and puts him in bad form. But when he is is the wrong he turns the row on me and changes the subject that in texting other lads and he would shout down at me and look trough all my messages !! He’s mood swings are pushes me away that I don’t feel the same anymore.
It is important to address your unhappiness as soon as possible, according to licensed clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr., in the article "When Should You Tell Your Spouse, 'We Have a Problem,'" on the website, Marriage Builders. "Don't let your problems build up before you find solutions," he says. Easily resolvable issues can become major problems if you hide your feelings for too long. Although it is important to get your general message to your husband, before you talk to him think about what, specifically, is making you unhappy. For instance, if your husband expects you to be a stay-at-home mom but you would like to work, tell him. Using specifics will give you and your husband an idea of what steps to take to make you feel more satisfied.
What’s happened as a result has been brilliant. I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.
I have to agree with lonelywife. I was happily married up until the 8th year and I dont know what happened. Its like I woke up oneday and my marriage and life are in shambles. I was married prior to another man for 3 years – who abused me physically and mentally. I left him because CPS threated to take my son away if they got another call for domestic violence. Then I met my current husband – who was my knight in shining armor to save and protect me. He raised my son from my prior relatioship and we have had one together since then. Hes commited infidelity a few times to me (that I have rock solid proof of – there could be more that I dont know about). bUt i felt we could work throught it. Now.. I feel alone. I work 2 jobs, take the kids to school/daycare, pay all the bills etc. I go through my routine everyday and there is no time with my husband. He doesnt participate in anything. I am hopeless. I keep having dreams that I am hanging in the closet by shoe strings and my family keeps walking by me like Im not there. Its very sad. I am very sad and loney.
Unlike the previous signs, this one is a bit more subtle, but if you find that your relationship has seemed to stall out, Salkin recommends taking a close look at why that may be. According to her, relationships should progress at a natural pace, going from usual romantic dates to slowly meeting friends and families and going on vacations together. She warns if this isn’t happening, “it's likely that someone is not happy in the relationship, which is preventing it from growing, and that person has some reason they are holding back from allowing it to grow.”
Initially when I asked her that she just blew it off quickly and said “I don’t know, but he needs to stop acting like this or else I’M OUT!”. So I made sure to ask her ONE more time to really emphasize the fact that I wanted a legitimate answer. When I did that, her indifference immediately turned to outrage as he wondered why the HELL I was “taking up for him” when she was the emotional victim of his actions. She mumbled something about “men not understanding” and just immediately changed the topic, so I obliged and we began talking about something unrelated. But I really wish we could have let that conversation play out, because there’s one gross misunderstanding some women have about men that I really wanted to clear up for her.
For some reason your roommate—er, life partner—has been following you around all night, when all you want is to finish up the evening's menial tasks so that you can commune with your true passion (i.e., DVR'd episodes of Game of Thrones), tapping you on the shoulder and asking you inane questions about electric toothbrushes and dry cleaning and RSVPs. Is he trying to be irritating? I'm guessing that no, he is not trying. (It comes naturally! Hey-oh!) Chances are he's hungry for a little attention, and is therefore resorting to the grown-up's version of sleeve-tugging. Give it to him—not only will you be nurturing your relationship, but you'll increase your chances of getting a foot rub while you catch up with the Lannisters.
If you really want to keep your boyfriend happy, keep your word. Just as we like men to do what they say, they like us to do so too. Call when you say you will, show up on time, and don’t stand him up. If you blow him off or forget to follow through with things, it will make you look like you don’t care and make you look irresponsible, because all he has to go by is your actions.
You can do whatever you want. You really want to try that new restaurant, but your man said no. You’re crushed. If you were single, you could go whenever you wanted. You can seriously do whatever you want. Haven’t you ever noticed how happy some single women are? They don’t base their happiness on a man. They do what makes them happy and if a man is a part of their life great. If not, great.
“It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are struggling with, but research suggests that couples who can manage to stay together usually end up happier down the road than couples who divorce,” writes Dr. Deborah Hecker on Should You Divorce or Save Your Marriage? “If partners choose to invest in their relationship and make needed changes instead of repeating their mistakes, they might be able to avoid an unnecessary divorce. And if they do finally decide to divorce, their personal work in couples therapy might increase their chance of a successful marriage next time.”
At some point in our lives, we have realized that most men lean on a fragile ego. This is what makes them vulnerable to a few words of appreciation. We recommend that use the words of appreciation like thank you when they do anything for you, even the smallest tiniest things. If you want to receive more of that behavior, this is the way! Relationships and affection are part of a healthy lifestyle. You have to express appreciation at all times when that guy who drives you crazy does something for you. Believe it, they will love it.
If your husband stops displaying interest in you on a physical and emotional level, this can be a sign that he is unhappy. Consider some of the behavior patterns your husband used to display and compare them to the way things are now. If he no longer initiates intimate relations, or seems uninterested in talking to you about your day, then something has changed.
I am here to testify on how Dr Stanly help me to bring back my ex-boyfriend who left me 3 months ago. I got his email on the internet on an article how he had help so many people to get their ex partner back with spell, so i emailed HIM and told my problems to him and he gave me an assurance of getting my boyfriend back within 24hours and to my greatest surprise my boyfriend came back to me after 24hours of casting the spell.
it's not always easy to explain to the people we care about the most the things that make us unhappy. perhaps starting a conversation with asking him if he's happy and to discuss his emotions might be a great place to start, because that unhappiness felt could be mutual! conflict resolution and problem solving is a lot about dialogue and, although it might be really difficult, having a completely honest and transparent conversation in candour with him might be the best way to get that across.
Wonderful, God-inspired words that speak straight to the heart of so many women including myself. Regardless of the state of your marriage, as women we are nurturers, ‘fixers’, and as you said, often carry the heavy burden of our husband’s happiness solely on our shoulders. When things don’t go as planned, it’s a hard pill to swallow. Thank you, Brie, for reminding us that this burden is not ours to carry. God instructs us to love, pray for and be a help-mate to our husbands. The rest is up to him…
HELP! My Husband told me a few months ago that He loves me but isnt happy and hasnt been for over a year. I dont know what to do. I never saw any of the signs. Im 24 and hes 33. i always wondered y the sex started coming so seldomly. like once every 3-4 months now were going on 6months. He work si dont. i stay home with our 4 year old. I make sure the house is clean. set his clothes out for day and night. do laundry cook dinner serve him his plate so that he doesnt have to do it all. i pamper him i guess is the word. rub his feet tell him that he is handsome and sexy all the time. but.... i never get any attention at all! every day i cant wait till bed time because thats the only time he holds me. ive tried everything to get him happy again, being nicer then giving space, but nothing works. Im at my witts end! he doesnt want counseling, he doesnt want to try ANYTHING. im completely and hoplessly stuck. i dont know what im going to do... HELP PLEASE.... im desperate.
I have been wondering too. I like Lia’s take– that we all have senses of humour– just different ones. I get so tired of grade 7 bodily function humour. I like Senfield humour and slapstick. My boyfriend is all about bodily function stuff, and I don’t know what to do. He is awesome in every other way, but he keeps trying to make me laugh with this otber stuff. He was really popular in Middle school and highschool with amunition like making fun of people’s names, and bodily function stuff. It doesn’t offend, just not funny. When Evan said, ” if you think you are funny, maybe you should be with someone who thinks you are…” makes me think that person isn’t me?? I’m not funny myself, but it’s usually been super easy for people to make me laugh. Just not this person😟
"Children add a lot of positives to a person's life, but they can also add a lot stress, including decreased intimacy in the relationship. When children come first, the loss of the marital relationship can be very painful. It isn't easy to maintain that happy physical and emotional connection to your partner when there are baths needing to happen, meals needing to be cooked, and toys needing to be picked up." —Hershenson
I’ve been married for 18 years and I’m so broken hearted over the fact that I’ve fallen out of love with my husband. He is a good man in the sense that he doesn’t drink, smoke, gamble. I know he would never cheat on me. But his investment into our marriage is “in his words” financial. Provides everything I need and want. When I’ve mentioned it’s emotional that our marriage lacks, he finds it funny. I’ve been to counseling and I have tried to use the right words to express myself, I’ve tried to take the correct steps to fix myself. I’ve boiled it down to our marriage is physical but not emotional. And I don’t know how to keep going with such a huge missing piece. I almost worry that I’m just delusional and that a mans desire to make his wife emotionally happy is unreal. I’m exhausted and I’ve just given in and am going through the motions and it’s killing me to just accept this is life.
My ex-husband had a long term affair with a woman from work for several years. He had a baby with another women when we were only married for two years. He never cooked or cleaned until a coworker started cooking lunch for me, after 20 years of marriage, no matter how often I asked him. Then he accused me of having an affair with the coworker who prepared lunch for me and told all of our friends that I was having an affair. He put antifreeze in the water bottle I keep in the refrigerator to drink after my walk. When I confronted him he grabbed the water bottle out of my hand and the antifreeze and left the house. When he came back he did not have my water bottle or the antifreeze and told me no one would ever believe me. Many times I received calls from work or from his sister wondering where he was and lecturing me on how he was being irresponsible by consistently being absent when he was supposed to be there. He never gave me or the kids a gift for Christmas or our birthdays and charged lingerie from Victoria Secrets to our joint account. He also took all the money saved from our 20 year marriage and put in a his own personal account. He took the money from our brokerage account as well and I was unable to find it. He took all the money from our kids college funds and spent it. I would say these were pretty good signs that the marriage was over before it even started. It was a shame it took me 20 years to wise up.
My husband the night we got married said he was hungry left to go up to the hotel cafeteria to get get something to eat and was going to bring it back to the room. About 2 and a half our later he comes back. With know food and not much to say. We went to bad and the next things where different between us. Then to come to find out he was going by his old girl- friends house after work things where rough but I tried very hard to let people talk because I wasn’t s sure 100 % at the time myself their where several times he cheated on me I knew and I separated from him and was going ing to file for a divorce but I had a small daughter. I had lots of running wild emotion. I knew I loved him but was never sure of his true feeling about me. My life has been up and Dow been married 40 years. The last 15 years he says he can’t have sex but I have been waiting on some kind on emotional affection reassurance of his love for me. To touch to hold me to make me feel loved by him that special connection we used to have and sure. For those that don’t know it was never sex it was the love the bond the emotional attachment feeling that special love the special hands fingers hugs touch the way his eyes looked at me any body that has been in love knows that love that deeply love knows what that feeling feels and means but for 15 years it’s hasn’t been there for me and I can’t keep going this way I love him so so so much. But t hurt and long and want to be love feel love feel that special love that makes you the happiest person in this world. Only feel and makes you feel you feel like life is worth living. My husband has push me in a corner and I love him so so dearly but I’m so lonely and scared and I don’t know what to do. I’m 59 yrs with not the best health but my heart is broken and I feel my life is over.. Sometimes I would rather live alone by myself then to live with. Seeing him hurts so bad yes he will give me a peck on my lips and say I love you or good night or by I love you but that doesn’t begin to fill my my dreams ,dreams of feeling love and wanted by him. The emotion feeling inside of me feeling that he feels the same way I do. He want even touch me in any emphysema way at all. Before he didn’t have problems until the cheating starting. What I don’t understand is if he didn’t want me he had so many times to leave and divorce me. Can someone explain why stick with me then with this long and treat me this way? I would love to understand. I want a divorce but I also do want to live by myself but I want to be love before I can’t remember who it is that loves me.
I found out my husband was talking to his ex behind my back a few weeks ago and he knows how I feel about this person based on things she has done in the past to try to get between us. So, in some of the messages I saw, he had sent her a meme and said he loved her. She also sent a picture to him of her legs with the statement….here are a picture of my legs finally with an emoji wink and his response was…about damn time. She also sent him a picture of a house where they used to live just to ask him if that was the house they used to live in. When I asked him about this, he said he does still have a love for her because they have kids together but he is with me. I however am having a problem getting over this because in our entire marriage, 10 years, he has never sent me anything out of the blue like this to let me know he is thinking of me like he did with her. We got into a tiff and when I tried to call him he didn’t answer. In the past when he was mad, he would ignore me and not answer my calls which I figured he was doing again which just made me more angry so I continually called him. I also texted him expressing my feelings. He finally texted back and said he can’t handle my level of crazy anymore. I called him and he said I was crazy because I called him so much…even after I tried to explain this his is pattern when he is mad at me which I figured he was. He then told me I needed to get on medication because I needed and he can’t deal with me anymore. I did find out that he did respond to my text but it failed to go through…because I didn’t get this text is why I began going overboard with my phone calls. However, I do know what I did was wrong but I don’t think is justifies name calling. When I asked what he meant when he said he can’t do this anymore, he said he wasn’t saying anything at this time as far as what I can’t do this anymore means.. This is what he does when we get to this point. He tells me he doesn’t care about my feelings and I bother him. I know what I did was wrong but I don’t think I deserve the name calling or made to feel like I nor my feelings matter. I did comment that it would be nice to receive things like him like he does do other people and his response….keep accusing me and you will see what happens,,,,
My husband has cheated on more than 5 times since we got married3 years. He even done it while I was sick in the hospital due to our first child.These were not one night stand type of thing. He had emotional affairs(as far as I know, I highly suspected that he was also intimate with at least two women). Each affair lasted at least for 3 months. I have attempted to leave the marriage several times, but each time, my family and friends mediated us( I’m from a tradition were divorce is highly discouraged). Our last fight was November,2011.He denied the affairs each time and made me look like I was paranoid. He is always dismissing the situation and it’s always the same answer: were are “just friends” ,nothing is going on, “it’s not what it seems”. The ladies are all his coworkers…he is a contractor so he takes a new contract every few months and that’s when he starts the affair. He met the current woman he is talking to February,2012. I suspected he was at it again but I was afraid of finding out about it so I was avoiding it till yesterday, when he handed me his cellphone to check he’s new apps. I check his email and my worse nightmare come to life! He has been communicating with this lady at least 20 times a day! Note: She was let go of the company last week and he was still communicating with her, he even told her that he had a dream of her and asked her how she was doing.
Since last year i struggle to feel secure as he cheated on me and i couldn’t feel reassured… we fought lots in front of the kids. He is Bipolar 2 and 2 months ago he tried to commit suicide and i was by his side through everything… We still had issues afterwards because i felt this could have made a difference and made us grow closer but nothing. 2 weeks ago we had a big fight because he didn’t want to answer a question about money and again i’ve asked him a straight forward question where the money came from and he didn’t answer me, he just said from his account. I felt hurt because he used to blame me because of our finance.. i spend too much etc and that’s why at times he keeps money aside for me not to know..
Life does not revolve around one’s self. The pursuit of your own happiness could be selfish if you cannot confess to yourself that you, as a human, will never be perfect. Picking at petty likes and dislikes in a partner is silly and frankly your looking for reasons to be unhappy. Count your blessings, not your burdens. I love that my partner has her own likes, her own talents, her own music, her own routine. Because I fully support who she is, everything she is. And if one day she decides she no longer wants to be with me, all she has to do is be honest and tell me to my face. I would let her go. In the end arguing and pointing fingers is just smashing the whole idea of marriage anyway. In my opinion marriage is overrated. I would never want my parnter to feel like she is bound to me. Because we are born free and we die free. If someone cheated on you, its a favor. Live your life and move on. I would never cheat on my partner, hurt her, yell at her, make her feel insignificant, simply because I dont want to go out of my way to hurt the persons feelings I vowed my life to. I would take a bullet for her, and I wouldnt ever hold it against her if she wouldnt do the same for me. We are all individuals, who desire specific things, emotions, reactions. If my partner is being distant, depressed, sad, I gladly lift her chin and do what I can to make it better. Dont lie to yourselves, or your parnter. You know if the love is there. If its not, you will only cause pain to others because of your inability to face up. Nothing in a relationship is easy. Though nothing in life is easy. When the going gets tough in life do you end it? The bond two people can share in this life is amazing. I have had a tough road with my partner for our own reasons, but I gave up all my wants, all my needs to serve my partner when she needed me most. The outcome is a strong bond that no one can shake. I am writing this in hopes that maybe one person will read this and get something from it. I am far from perfect. But the first person I point fingers at when a problem arises is myself. Only when there are no skeletons in your own closet can you truly judge what a partner is right and wrong for doing.
i have been married for 3 years and we just recently seperated and i know its my fault. i couldnt let go of the fact that she lied to me about sleeping with someone even when i asked her before we got married if she need to tell me anything. when she told me last october what had happened i felt as if our marriage was false and i always threw it in her face. Now reality has set in and i would rather change my ways and get her back then to be mad at her for the past and be lonely but i dont know how she feels. Because from october untill she left we fought everyday and i know its my fault what should i do?
If not, the quickest way to change your life is to forgive that parent, because you are half your mom and half your dad, the parent you are angry at is the part of you that you loath as well. I know this sounds so matter of fact, but it is a huge weight off if you can do it. Lastly, your marriage, you love him. I am not here to necessarily promote our book, but we did write a book The Marriage Manual available at http://www.themarriagemanual.com and the part for you is all about how to talk to your husband so he will WANT to talk to you.
If your partner is harboring some form of unhappiness, it might feel like pulling teeth when trying to get them to chat. And this can be most obvious when talking about mundane things. "Saying things like 'it's cold outside' doesn't require a response, but most couples respond regardless because they simply enjoy talking to each other," Rogers says.
You know him well so you can instantly recognize when he`s in a bad mood. If he looks sad then he`s not happy and that`s clear. We all have those mood swings, but not each day. If your man is in a bad mood every single day and you can’t do anything to boost his mood, it’s a warning sign. Find out the reason and try to help your man cope with rough times. If it’s you who spoils his mood, then probably it’s time to leave him alone.
Thanks for the kind words… but I really don’t think this is the issue I’m talking about. I’m talking about performing “being a socially skilled person”, and how dependent this performance really is on external validation, and the decisions of others going your way. The fact is, we hold ourselves responsible for others’ feelings and reactions… something we really have no control over. Part of why we do this is surely the service industry: everyone in customer service gets the message early that customers’ negative feelings are always our fault. But we also have an overarching narrative about personal responsibility… Read more »