The best route may be to figure out WHY you’re not happy with your husband. You obviously respect and care for him…but you may not be “in love” with him. The thing is, we can’t always feel those passionate love bonds! Husbands and wives can’t possibly sustain the excitement of the first blush of love. They wouldn’t be able to go to work or cope with other aspects of life. So, maybe you don’t love him as a husband right now….but, in most normal healthy marriages, those feelings come and go. Feelings of romantic love do not remain constant.
The imagination of men is scarce and so, instead of listening or reading about stories, they are more receptive to most visual stimuli. This means they tend to distract more easily when they see something they want. If that something is you, those chances of him realizing your beauty and thinking of you are high. Actually, the process of seduction begins since the two of them cross glances and not since the beginning of the conversation. Interesting, right?
He gets angry if/when it becomes clear that I don’t trust him. But, he makes no efforts to help that either. He’s just mad about it. He may gripe about the way I do something but he offers no solutions, or alternatives. It’s kind of like, “if you do it like that, you’re stupid.”, and my natural response is “really? how should I do it?” to which his reply is “I don’t know, but not like that.” That isn’t an actual converstaion, it’s just that’s how it feels.

I find it funny that people say they want someone with a sense of humor.  I think almost everyone has a sense of humor it’s just not the SAME sense of humor.  People with similar ways of viewing the world are, in my opinion, going to have a similar sense of humor.  There are things that I say that my sister finds hilarious that others would not, but we share common background and how we see life, relationships, love, God, etc. are very similar. So being able to take those views and twist them in a way that we both find funny is very easy.  
What if your husband is an alcoholic and lies to you about it every chance he gets? He makes you feel like you are stupid for thinking he’s been drinking again? He is mean and belittling to everyone in the house? Puts everyone’s lives in danger by lying and drink driving? He doesn’t respect or value your opinion even when sober and treats you like one of the children? Or, what if you have considered suicide as a way to get away from him? Are those signs your marriage is over?
I have dear friends and family for whom drugs worked wonderfully. They really are completely different in how they experience life, how they interpret events, how they interact with everyone and how they imagine life in the long term. Even temperament is changed because they sleep better and can actually recall positive experience. Without that ability life is just one long endless shit buffet: all the shit you can eat till you die.

We married 18 years ago (coming up shortly), were both each others first partners. Just simply fell in love and married. Marriage worked quite well, we never had any of those “standard” problems: we were both frugal with money, modest, faithful to each other, were not too much into this “great sex” thing that you can read in magazines or on the internet. We had a lot to talk about, joking all the time and had two children. She is a great mother and role model. Basically, everything I would want in a wife. However, a nagging issue that was not addressed from the outset was our relationships with each other’s families. The funny things about this is that we are immigrants and our families do not even live in the same country. She never hid it that she hates my family even though she never spoke to many of them nor they ever visited us. She even went that far to teach kids how their cousins are bad kids even though she never met them! (BTW, they are valedictorians in their schools, but that is not the point). This issue surfaced when her mother visited here, which turned out to be a weird experience for me. They were literally fighting about everything and her mother went home crying. She vowed never to talk to her and her father again, which she did. This was quite a surprise to me given that when we dated, it looked like a very healthy family to me. Both her parents adored me, so to this day, I am not sure what happened between them. This was 11 years go, fast forward three years ago, we had not had sex for 11 months. She chose to sleep with kids who she adores. I did not press the issue, which is the first problem in our marriage. We just do not communicate well. When I occasionally mentioned this, she would cite work, being tired, kids love it etc etc. When I offered household help, I could never get it right; there is always too much water on the counter, a spot on the dishes etc… To this day, I do not know what triggered this, but this turned out to be beginning of all the current troubles. Things turned to worse when her father died. I tried to help with grieving and offered to talk how to help financially with the funeral and all (which she did not attend, btw) etc. She just clammed up, did not want to talk to me at all. At that time, I was simply fed up and primed myself to the biggest mistake of my life. I basically opened myself to respond to whatever romantic oppportunity came along. Not seeking, just responding. Unfortunately, it did. An aggressive woman approached me at a meeting and we started chatting over the email. I kept my composure not to do anything physical, zero (not a touch). Nevertheless this would basically amount to cheating. This went on for about three weeks. As life would have it, she found the emails and one text message and was devastated. I stopped immediately, but we never talked about it more. So, in the books, this went as my being a cheater. Nothing about lack of sex for the past whole year or any other reason why I was shut out (this is not an excise for what I did). She did offer to go to counseling back then, but I refused, because I knew that what I did was a mistake and I stopped and promised never to do anything stupid like that. No need for someone else to tell me that. Now, the part that scares me the most. In the meantime, it looked to me she forgave me, but only on the surface. We would have sex, but out of nowhere she started using lubricants. We would never kiss, or any other foreplay. She simply refused me to satisfy her in any way. So, it felt like I was raping somebody,which I mentioned to her several times. Response was always be happy that you get something, many men do not even have that. After sex I would have this guilty sinking feeling I am hurting her and I just could not take it any more. I can’t physically hurt the person I love! I started being frustrated and wanted to talk about what is going on. She refused most of the time then on occasions would mention my “affair”. Then, since the end of last year she again began refusing sex. We are back to being close to breaking our “record”. She does not even want me in bed, trying to stay as far away as possible. Any attempt on any kind of touch (even holding hands) is met with a violent negative response. She began to be frustrated with taking care of children, constantly mentioning how she does everything and not being appreciated, how she wishes to go on vacation somehwere by herself, just to be alone etc etc. I began breaking down and started saying that I will leave her if she does not at least want to talk to me. All to no avail. I guess, this is another mistake; don’t say it if you don’t mean it! But, again, when things build up inside, some sort of outlet must be found. Now, to top it all off, I found out that she posted her profile on a dating site and to my direct question whether she is dating anyone responds “if I did I would be much happier”. She also started posting provocative pictures of herself on Facebook. Of course, she blocked me from viewing her profile, but I have friends who showed me those pictures. All in all, our life now consists of her sitting behind computer, closing windows as soon as I am around, locking it when leaving for a while, while I desperately try to establish any kind of communication and live in frustration. Our family life has basically disappeared. No more family outings (we take children out separately), no family vacations, no friends over. She has established a new circle that consists mostly of divorced women who claim to have great sex life and are showing off their much younger lovers with great bodies. All of a sudden, I need muscles, great six packs etc. Divorce has become a viable option for her, which is a complete turnaround from when we met, when she was always apprehensive of anyone who divorced and I had to give up a male friend who divorced.
(function(){"use strict";function s(e){return"function"==typeof e||"object"==typeof e&&null!==e}function a(e){return"function"==typeof e}function l(e){X=e}function u(e){G=e}function c(){return function(){r.nextTick(p)}}function f(){var e=0,n=new ne(p),t=document.createTextNode("");return n.observe(t,{characterData:!0}),function(){t.data=e=++e%2}}function d(){var e=new MessageChannel;return e.port1.onmessage=p,function(){e.port2.postMessage(0)}}function h(){return function(){setTimeout(p,1)}}function p(){for(var e=0;et.length)&&(n=t.length),n-=e.length;var r=t.indexOf(e,n);return-1!==r&&r===n}),String.prototype.startsWith||(String.prototype.startsWith=function(e,n){return n=n||0,this.substr(n,e.length)===e}),String.prototype.trim||(String.prototype.trim=function(){return this.replace(/^[\s\uFEFF\xA0]+|[\s\uFEFF\xA0]+$/g,"")}),String.prototype.includes||(String.prototype.includes=function(e,n){"use strict";return"number"!=typeof n&&(n=0),!(n+e.length>this.length)&&-1!==this.indexOf(e,n)})},"./shared/require-global.js":function(e,n,t){e.exports=t("./shared/require-shim.js")},"./shared/require-shim.js":function(e,n,t){var r=t("./shared/errors.js"),i=(this.window,!1),o=null,s=null,a=new Promise(function(e,n){o=e,s=n}),l=function(e){if(!l.hasModule(e)){var n=new Error('Cannot find module "'+e+'"');throw n.code="MODULE_NOT_FOUND",n}return t("./"+e+".js")};l.loadChunk=function(e){return a.then(function(){return"main"==e?t.e("main").then(function(e){t("./main.js")}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe):"dev"==e?Promise.all([t.e("main"),t.e("dev")]).then(function(e){t("./shared/dev.js")}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe):"internal"==e?Promise.all([t.e("main"),t.e("internal"),t.e("qtext2"),t.e("dev")]).then(function(e){t("./internal.js")}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe):"ads_manager"==e?Promise.all([t.e("main"),t.e("ads_manager")]).then(function(e){undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined,undefined}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe):"publisher_dashboard"==e?t.e("publisher_dashboard").then(function(e){undefined,undefined}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe):"content_widgets"==e?Promise.all([t.e("main"),t.e("content_widgets")]).then(function(e){t("./content_widgets.iframe.js")}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe):void 0})},l.whenReady=function(e,n){Promise.all(window.webpackChunks.map(function(e){return l.loadChunk(e)})).then(function(){n()})},l.installPageProperties=function(e,n){window.Q.settings=e,window.Q.gating=n,i=!0,o()},l.assertPagePropertiesInstalled=function(){i||(s(),r.logJsError("installPageProperties","The install page properties promise was rejected in require-shim."))},l.prefetchAll=function(){t("./settings.js");Promise.all([t.e("main"),t.e("qtext2")]).then(function(){}.bind(null,t))["catch"](t.oe)},l.hasModule=function(e){return!!window.NODE_JS||t.m.hasOwnProperty("./"+e+".js")},l.execAll=function(){var e=Object.keys(t.m);try{for(var n=0;n=c?n():document.fonts.load(u(o,'"'+o.family+'"'),a).then(function(n){1<=n.length?e():setTimeout(t,25)},function(){n()})}t()});var w=new Promise(function(e,n){l=setTimeout(n,c)});Promise.race([w,m]).then(function(){clearTimeout(l),e(o)},function(){n(o)})}else t(function(){function t(){var n;(n=-1!=y&&-1!=g||-1!=y&&-1!=v||-1!=g&&-1!=v)&&((n=y!=g&&y!=v&&g!=v)||(null===f&&(n=/AppleWebKit\/([0-9]+)(?:\.([0-9]+))/.exec(window.navigator.userAgent),f=!!n&&(536>parseInt(n[1],10)||536===parseInt(n[1],10)&&11>=parseInt(n[2],10))),n=f&&(y==b&&g==b&&v==b||y==x&&g==x&&v==x||y==j&&g==j&&v==j)),n=!n),n&&(null!==_.parentNode&&_.parentNode.removeChild(_),clearTimeout(l),e(o))}function d(){if((new Date).getTime()-h>=c)null!==_.parentNode&&_.parentNode.removeChild(_),n(o);else{var e=document.hidden;!0!==e&&void 0!==e||(y=p.a.offsetWidth,g=m.a.offsetWidth,v=w.a.offsetWidth,t()),l=setTimeout(d,50)}}var p=new r(a),m=new r(a),w=new r(a),y=-1,g=-1,v=-1,b=-1,x=-1,j=-1,_=document.createElement("div");_.dir="ltr",i(p,u(o,"sans-serif")),i(m,u(o,"serif")),i(w,u(o,"monospace")),_.appendChild(p.a),_.appendChild(m.a),_.appendChild(w.a),document.body.appendChild(_),b=p.a.offsetWidth,x=m.a.offsetWidth,j=w.a.offsetWidth,d(),s(p,function(e){y=e,t()}),i(p,u(o,'"'+o.family+'",sans-serif')),s(m,function(e){g=e,t()}),i(m,u(o,'"'+o.family+'",serif')),s(w,function(e){v=e,t()}),i(w,u(o,'"'+o.family+'",monospace'))})})},void 0!==e?e.exports=a:(window.FontFaceObserver=a,window.FontFaceObserver.prototype.load=a.prototype.load)}()},"./third_party/tracekit.js":function(e,n){/**

Men CAN BE sexually desirable in and of themselves. Most straight males in most countries still don’t want to put the effort into becoming physically/sexually attractive, though. The majority won’t go the extra mile; the majority don’t even know where to start. They like to look like “clones” in a way. Basically the same style, hair cut, shoes, whatever. Won’t groom properly. Un-charming, hardened demeanor. No sensuality. It’s difficult to desire someone like that, at least passionately and strongly. That’s the reason so many millennial women love gay porn, and younger generations are so attracted to foreign males. Look at… Read more »

I am going through a similar situation. I met my boyfriend 5 years ago right before my last year in college. We began texting and talking on the phone every single day non-stop! The chemistry was crazy! I had never experienced such a connection with anyone like that before. Long story short, we started an official relationship and were inseparable. After I graduated from college, we shortly moved in together with a goal of marriage in the near future. Once our daughter came, things got worse. There were arguments after arguments. Then I began to notice we were stuck in a cycle. A cycle of arguing for days at a time, then we would have a week or two of good terms. At the beginning of this year we were having a conversation about our futures. He told me marriage was in the near future. Now all of a sudden he tells me I’m not on his level, I’m not the one for him, and he doesn’t know if he wants to continue with me. I feel so numb. I’m hurt and don’t know what to do. Not only for myself but for our daughter. I often wonder what she would think if we did end our relationship. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

It's normal to feel a twinge of jealousy whenever you think about your single friends going out there and doing whatever they want, talking to different guys and flirting with anyone without guilt. But if you feel that way most of the time, that's a sign that you're looking for something different than what you have. Pay attention to how often you feel jealous of their lifestyle.
My husband and i have been married for just over a year. I recently told him that i feel emotionally empty and more like we are good friends than husband and wife. He said he feels the same way. He got very angry and hasn’t talked to me much in a couple days. We haven’t been intimate in quite a while, like a couple weeks. I don’t know how to fix this and make him talk to me again. He wont tell me he loves me. Recently he made a new female friend at work. It makes me very uncomfortable. He assures me that they are just friends, but i have a hard time believing him. He works night shift and hasn’t been coming home on his lunches (he used to every night). He says he just sleeps in his car or takes a drive, but again im not sure if i believe it. I miss him terribly and i want everything to be good again. I just dont know if he is trying to distance himself from me, or if i just need to give him space and let him talk when he is ready. I dont know if its normal to feel disconnected through the first year or so of marriage. I have heard it is the hardest. He has always been wonderful to me. He is a very nice person. Im afraid that my feelings of emptyness were based on something temporary and i just hurt him by saying what i did. I just need advice!
Married for 45 years, husband cheated with same woman for 16 years. Been to counselling, numerous chats, still together, but a lot of joy has gone out of my life. He is still working long hours, and now working away overnight 2 nights/3 days a week and I am home, with arthritis, dwelling sometimes on the deceit and lies I have encountered over the years, with him messing with my head making me feel neurotic when I wasn’t. I have lovely holidays, beautiful home, possessions, jewellery etc and I still have this terrible emptiness inside me. We are together because deep down we still love one another and have 50 years together. Sometimes I feel trapped because I couldn’t leave him and be happy at the expense of his unhappiness. He says he is happy but I don’t know if he can be. Any advice.
Do you remember the time at the beginning of a relationship when you were talking all night and still it was too little for you? He also misses it. Of course, when children appear in your world, they become an important part of the life and conversation, and yet fathers love their offspring. Just do not let this to be the only thing that will bother you. Do not forget that the relationship has to motivate and turn to action. And regardless of your duties, you should talk about what you like, what you plan and what you enjoy.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, we have definitely had our ups and downs but throughout everything we’ve always stuck by each other’s side. About a month and a half ago he told me that he wanted to take a break from our relationship so that he could take some time to work on himself & I was 100% okay with that, but eventually it was revealed that he’s been having doubts about our relationship because I’m younger than him (2.5 year age difference) & there’s also this girl that he has like me for some time now that he wants to talk to. I know he has some strong feelings for this girl because anytime we’re remotely close to getting back together he runs into her (they go to school && work together) and totally second guesses our whole relationship. It hurts me because I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I know deep down he really wants the other girl. I’ve asked him several times if he would rather be with me or her & he always says “I don’t know.” That tells me that he doesn’t really want me anymore because how could you even compare a 4 year relationship to a crush? I’m just really in a sad place right now because I feel like our relationship is over. He still tells me he loves me and tries to act like we’re still together but I know that it’s her that he really wants. I’ve told him to go be with her because I know that’s what he really wants and I love him enough to let him go so that he can be with someone who is everything that he wants and more. He tells me he won’t do it because he doesn’t want me to get involved with anyone else. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s literally my best friend and I have no one else that I can talk to about our relationship. I really don’t want to leave him.. I want us to be happy together again.
I feel for a lot of you on this blog because I have been through it too and even though I have been seperated 17 months now I look at things in a new perspective. I was married for 23 years and with him for 27 we were high school sweethearts and I can tell you, that things might get better for a bit but it will always come back. I kicked him out on our wedding anniversary and since that day I have been through so much hurt as I found out that he is a drug addict and wonder why our marriage did not work out. He was lying and sneaking all the time and also I was mentally and phically abused for years. I put up with it my whole life because he made me feel I could never do better in life without him and when you are constantly put down it is the way your programmed to think. Since we split his drug use becaome way worse, he would steal from the house and do very evil tings behind my back. He even lost my house as he did not let me know that the mortage was behind and 5 days before last christmas I had to vacate my home with my two year old grandson that I am raising. There hass been so many games done to me that it almost makes me puke but I can tell you that I have loved him so much for the entire seperation, but two weeks ago something happened to change my mind and I dont even know what it was. All the sudden I dont have the same feelings for him and I am not calling him much anymore. I have wanted him to come back to me but I think that it is because he mentioned that he wants to work things out with me and I really dont know how to feel about that. All I can tell you is that my feelings are not the same. I think that I have fonally gotton over this hurt and I forgive him for everything. We shared our whole lives together and its over and I dont think that we can repair it. I know that I pay for my own things now and I am raising my grandson and really I have come to terms with that I dont need anyone as a partner. Sure I could have got someone else in my life but I never wanted to hurt anyone because I know that If I got another guy that I would drop him like a hot potatoe as soon as my ex wanted to come back, never wanted to involve anyone else. I thought that when he was done his drugs that he would come home. Problem is I dont think at this point I want him back. I realize that he loved me chasing him, texting him and calling him and the more I dont do it the more it intises him to see what I am up too and why I dont call. I am tired of the game as it has consumed my well being. You cannot change anyone ever. For awhile they may change but as they say you cannot change a tigers stripes and I believe that is the truth. I never wanted to ever be alone, but I asked myself do I really want to live like that again ang the answer is definately not. I dont want to raise my grandson in a fighting home, i did that with my kids and I was wrong for it. Good luck to all and remember if your not happy get out of it, dont waste your life you only have one. It is not worth it in end. I didnt want to be 80 years old rocking in my chair wishing i still did not have to live this life. Anyone can do better for themselves, sure they might not have as much but I can tell you now that I am not with him I can make sure I have things as he is the one who always cost a crap load of money..there is so much to my story but I cant tell it all it would take forever. Good luck everyone.
Then have a conversation with them (use an appropriate method for their communication style to improve your rate of successfully achieving good reach/affect) stating what you believe their needs to be and how you attempt to meet those and that you'd appreciate their attempts to clarify their needs so that you can do a better job, and that in light of your requests you would to clarify what you really want out of this relationship. Proceed to detail what you want. Try to be really practical with examples rather than vague ideas.
i have been married for a year and we have a 18 month old son together. in the past my husband had been talking to his ex and he had her phone number he had also been talking to girls saying he would rather be with them then making money for his family and he kept telling girls how beautiful they are but he wasnt telling me that i was pretty. we had signed divorce papers and i kissed a coworker which i told him about and i apologised many times he brings it up a lot. recently i had an ectopic pregnancy and that caused some stress and while i had it he shoved me and i fell and broke a pack and play and got injured the police were called and we didnt see eachother for a week we decided to stay together but we argue all the time and when hes not at work which is 5 hours a day he is always sleeping or on facebook or watching tv we barely even speak and he barely spends time with me or our son. i dont know what to do anymore ive told him how i feel but nothing changes.

God help the adult child who shows happiness around a BPD mother. Maintaining one's own happiness despite a loved one's unhappiness may help sometimes, but my BPD mother seemed to take my happiness as a personal insult. She squelched times that should have been joyous (e.g., high school graduation) with cruel words and attention-seeking behavior. If that didn't work, she'd find a way to "up the ante." Last year she called me on my 35th birthday and announced "it's all downhill after forty." I thought she was just teasing me, so I teased back: "That's not what I heard." Her way to up the ante was to send me an email telling me that she and my father never wanted to hear from me again.
Nicole I’m sorry you’re going through that episode but believe you’re going to get past it. I know it hurt but it seem hard now to let him go but it’s best that he stay gone instead of coming in and out of your life. Now that would be a major set back towards healing. Take deep breath long walks and trust in God. He is the only one who can lift your pain

This is the oldest trick in the book. Why do we start a relationship hoping a man is going to change? It’s important to accept your boyfriend for who he is, in the flesh. If you fell in love with your idea of him, and not the real him, that’s not his fault. If you are pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do, it’s not going to make him happy.
And in case of using drugs, make him engaged in other things like family get together, outing with kids etc. Don't always think of his bad habit. When he is not using any drugs act like everything is going ok. And force him to go out with you and your kids. Make use of kids. If they force, and you support he will definitely spend time with you and slowly slowly he could get out of drugs. Relax and pray to God he will stay with you.
When something comes up in life, whether that's a work event or any accomplishment and your partner isn't the first person you're sharing it with — or one of the firsts, Fleming says that it may be that "you prefer to get your needs mets outside the relationship." To that end, Greer points out that not having any meaningful conversations aside from "rudimentary conversations about chores and things that need to get done" is a warning sign that your relationship is not in a good place.
×