Encourage him to share his feelings with you if he tells you there isn't a problem with the relationship. Tell him what you've noticed in his behavior and ask what might be going on in his life you can help him with. If he has any issues and decides to be open about them, this will help ease your mind that the issues aren't with your relationship. All that will be left after that is to give him the space he needs to work through his issues and help him when he needs you.
Obviously, sex should never be a requirement. Your partner might not be in the mood, they might want to wait, your sex drives are mismatched, or there might be a myriad of scenarios holding them back from getting intimate physically, none of which are bad or necessarily negative. That said, your partner should be willing to communicate their wants, desires, or their differences from you in the bedroom.
Where and how do you start getting healthy and letting go? You try different things until you find what works for you. Maybe a marriage counseling program will help. Maybe you need to do something, such as changing your life — perhaps by moving to a different city, traveling, or getting individual counseling. Some people find physical spa treatments helpful, or alternative therapies such as reiki or energy healing.
Thank you for this. I think that is my problem. I have looked for everything that is wrong. I am going to do my best to hold my high and just keep pushing until I can do better. I am just angry with myself for over looking the signs with I first started dating my husband. I guess I need to forgive myself for believing in him. For giving him the benefit of the doubt.
There comes a point in every man's life when he realizes he is not going to save the world, cure cancer, win an Olympic gold medal, score with the insanely hot supermodel, be an astronaut. We see nothing but a downhill spiral and very little to show for it. Sure, we have a house, a wife, a couple of vehicles, some savings, and we are responsible adults. But, when we were younger we were told about all the things we were going to do. That stuck with us. We did not accomplish any of those things.
Let me try to address the first one, your depression, I have many friends with clinical depression and they are all on anti-depressants, not a fan of meds, but they seem to work for them. Your husbands unhappiness, When someone is unhappy we all know that it is up to that person to figure it out, and really there is nothing we can do except offer support. Does your husband have a good relationship with his parents?
My husband has cheated on more than 5 times since we got married3 years. He even done it while I was sick in the hospital due to our first child.These were not one night stand type of thing. He had emotional affairs(as far as I know, I highly suspected that he was also intimate with at least two women). Each affair lasted at least for 3 months. I have attempted to leave the marriage several times, but each time, my family and friends mediated us( I’m from a tradition were divorce is highly discouraged). Our last fight was November,2011.He denied the affairs each time and made me look like I was paranoid. He is always dismissing the situation and it’s always the same answer: were are “just friends” ,nothing is going on, “it’s not what it seems”. The ladies are all his coworkers…he is a contractor so he takes a new contract every few months and that’s when he starts the affair. He met the current woman he is talking to February,2012. I suspected he was at it again but I was afraid of finding out about it so I was avoiding it till yesterday, when he handed me his cellphone to check he’s new apps. I check his email and my worse nightmare come to life! He has been communicating with this lady at least 20 times a day! Note: She was let go of the company last week and he was still communicating with her, he even told her that he had a dream of her and asked her how she was doing.
The most effective way to help others become happier, then, very well may be by focusing on becoming happy ourselves. This may strike some as selfish, but we can easily imagine flowing readily from our own happiness a heightened ability to encourage, support, and inspire. One strategy we shouldn't adopt, no matter how tempting it may be, is to give our unhappy loved ones what they ask for automatically without carefully considering the consequences. What unhappy people want is so often not what they need that this knee-jerk approach must in the end be considered unwise at best. We may feel impelled to give them what they want by our own sense of urgency to pry them out of whatever unhappy box they're in. But this urge often rises from our discomfort, not theirs, and causes us to suspend our good judgment in favor of what seems expedient.
I have dear friends and family for whom drugs worked wonderfully. They really are completely different in how they experience life, how they interpret events, how they interact with everyone and how they imagine life in the long term. Even temperament is changed because they sleep better and can actually recall positive experience. Without that ability life is just one long endless shit buffet: all the shit you can eat till you die.
I don't think that you're suggestions are going to be too popular....we have a throw away society. Anything that doesn't fit or work as expected is junked right away and replaced, relationships included. And taking kids into account? Forget about it! It seems like they are the very last ones to be thought of by a party seeking divorce, thought that could only just that, a seeming. People in our culture are taught to be very self-centered now-a-days, that ones personal happiness is all that counts.
I have been married for 2 years and I met my husband at church. He was such a wonderful and amazing man that after dating for 7 months we got married. Once we moved in he changed so much… I get it once you move in together you get to know the REAL person you married. But mann did he show me who he really was. After having 2 kids we no longer have communication, happiness or sex. Its heartbreaking to be taken for granted and knowing you love that person but he did tell me straight to my face he is no longer happy nor gets excited about me.
Sometimes, as a woman, we can forget how vulnerable our man is. Make sure you tell him you love him, often. Just as we like to be told we are loved and cuddled, men like to be reassured with the same. Make sure he knows how much he means to you. Men want to feel loved and wanted, even if they don't always show it. Reminding him of how much he means to you is a heartfelt gesture that will make him feel wanted and loved.
When you sit down with your husband to tell him you are unhappy, prepare for a potentially long conversation – you need to share your feelings and you need to hear your husband's perspective. Try to choose a time when you are unlikely to be interrupted by work, family or other obligations. While it's hard to predict how the conversation will go, it's a talk experts say should happen sooner than later.
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This suggestion sounds so simple but not so easy to obtain. As a husband and father of three, I find my happiness to be fleeting. My wife is exhausted and has little energy nor desire to care for any needs that I may have. I believe society places husbands in a codependent role which ties our happiness to our wives. I too, am loved and appreciated at work, but at home I am the lowest priority. I was taught to be a good husband you need to make sure your wife is happy, “happy wife, happy life.” Where is the… Read more »
When your husband comes home from a day at work, do you give him a warm welcome, or do you greet him with a list of things that he didn’t do or that he didn’t do right? You both have every right to feel overwhelmed and tired from life’s stressors, but remember: You’re in a partnership and you should both be lifting each other up. By doing the opposite, you suck the energy out of the relationship and out of the bond between you.
Hi, we are just the same but for me we don’t have a baby and I think he doesn’t want to have a baby with me😭😭, we’re married for almost 2 months and my husband told me that he never feel the satisfaction during our sex, i was so sad when he told me that it broke my heart so bad, then I ask him if what can I do to make him satisfy he just told me to pray for him, I’m so depressed and sad when he told me that😭😭
I don’t know if it’s a sign your marriage is over, for many reasons. First, only you and your spouse can make this decision! Second, some married couples vacation separately and say it’s what keeps their marriage healthy and happy. Third, does your wife even want to vacation with you? Maybe she doesn’t enjoy it either! And fourth, how is your marriage outside of your vacations? If you’re both happy with your relationship all the time except for when you’re on holidays, then maybe it’s just one of those quirky things in your relationship.
You're in a tough spot. The thing about enabling behavior is that superficially it makes things easier, so people who enable remain attached to doing it. If you decide you shouldn't enable your mom's behavior (and I'm in no position to judge one way or another) it seems to me the key would be becoming confident enough in that decision (out of a genuine and well-considered belief that enabling her behavior isn't in her or your best interests) that you simply—without ever needing to discuss it—stop enabling her behavior. Such a change would of course be met with resistance that you'd need to be prepared for, which is why you must first be absolutely convinced your decision is the right one and then calmly stick to your guns (keeping your own emotions at bay would be key). Good luck.
Do you remember the time at the beginning of a relationship when you were talking all night and still it was too little for you? He also misses it. Of course, when children appear in your world, they become an important part of the life and conversation, and yet fathers love their offspring. Just do not let this to be the only thing that will bother you. Do not forget that the relationship has to motivate and turn to action. And regardless of your duties, you should talk about what you like, what you plan and what you enjoy.
Our relationship is been very good over the years but about 2 or 3 years ago, she confronted me saying that she has lost interest in making love. First I thought that it could be her hormone problem and didn’t occur to me that we need to get help about it. We do continue having sex but not making love. She doesn’t even response to whatever I do to her, like romancing and foul play. Even when having sex, she said that it is painful and we need to use lubricant. Every time when we having sex, I don’t really get the satisfaction but feeling bad about it.
In all fairness I have an anger problem too so this is not all his fault. Plus I know I can be really mean especially when reminded of my past so I am by no means innocent in this fiasco marriage. What steps should hubby and I take to improve our marriage? I really do love him but I want my needs to get met as well. My mom even said that the way she sees our relationship is that everything is always about him. He is the type of person that when I say I’m feeling bad he says me too but I feel worse than you. I was throwing up in the bathroom and he was amused and ignored me. I also had a bad flu and he told me to go make pizzas. There is so much more but this post has been long enough. He has good qualities too so what should I do? Sorry for the long post and thanks. Oh and he is a lot older than me if that helps.
"Taking time to regularly cuddle, touch, and show love and affection for your partner stimulates chemicals in the body like oxytocin and dopamine, which foster feelings of attraction. Without that feeling of connectedness, a divide can form, which can lead to unhappiness. Even a short amount of intimate time daily with your sweetheart can really keep that bond strong." —Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life
I’m Indian and Married to Romanian (Girl). We used to work in same company but on different locations and fall in love, it was kind of distance relationship..but something unbelievable. Almost 6 months we talked like this way and then decided to marry..She reached to India and we married. As our decision was to stay in Romania I accompany her there…In the beginning things were beautiful but gradually sweet turned in to sour…I take all responsibility as I was scared for my career…cause of global economy downfall I could get no job in Romania. Whenever I try talked about on this matter to my wife she got upset….she always said there are many people jobless don’t worry I am with you..but my esteem was not allowing me to sit back and peruse life on my wife’s salary…my biggest frustration not was, I have no job but I could do nothing for her….whenever we used to go out I could buy nothing for her and I always felt so bad, being a husband I was not able to do what I need to (take care of her by all means) it pinched me always…..
Thank you for your article, there are so many questions that go through your head when you are contemplating divorce. Your article put a lot of things into perspective for me. After 26 years of marriage to a really good man, I'm just not sure I love him the way I should anymore and I think he is equally feeling the distance between us. I truly thought he was my forever (if that even exists) and it is so hard to make that final decision to leave. Addictions are the biggest problem, gaming, pornography, etc. and it is really the emotional emptiness that hurts the most. Trying to understand why someone becomes so addicted to things (so easily) is frustrating for me. I've tried to listen and understand his problem, but it just seems like a weakness more than an illness to me. For anyone going through this, I feel empathy, it is honestly the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life--and I haven't even filed for divorce yet. Thanks again for the article.
When you were first married, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your husband. You were polite. You didn’t want to hurt him – and he was sensitive to your feelings. But time passes, and the stress of daily life and kids and jobs and money and house and aging parents and health issues take a toll…and you find that you don’t have the time and patience it takes to be polite. This isn’t necessarily a sign your marriage is over – it just means you need to make time and effort to communicate with love and respect.
IVE BEEN MARRIED FOR SIX YEARS NOW AND ALL THROUGH THIS TIME MY HUSBAND HAS A MARRIED FEMALE FRIEND WITH WHOM HE KEEPS RUNNING TO HE TELLS HER EVERY THING THAT IS GOING OFF IN OUT MARRAIGE HE HAS TOOK HER SIDE ALL THE TIME WHEN WE ARGUE AND SAY THAT IF HE HAS TO MAKE A CHOICE HE WILL CHOOSE HER EVERY TIME ,I SPEND ALL MY TIME SAT IN SPARE ROOM WIL MY COMPUTER WHEN HE IN THE HOME AS HE SCARES ME ,HE HAS HIT ME AND MADE ME BLACK AND BLUE IM NOW SIXTY AND FEEL THAT I CAN NOT FIGHT FOR HIS AFFECTIONS ANY MORE I WANT IT TO ALL END BUT HE CAN OR WONT ACKNOWLEGE THIS IT IS MY HOUSE AND IM MADE TO FEEL LIKE A LODGER IN IT EACH TIME I TELL HIM ITS OVER HE GIVES ME THE LITTLE BOY LOST THEN I START FEELING GUILTY PLUS HIS FAMILY START BECOMING ABUSIVE WITH ME HIS MOTHER INCLUDE HOW DO I GET OUT OFF THIS ONE AS THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THREE PEOPLE IN THIS MARRIAGE
"If your partner is nitpicky and cranky at the smallest thing, they are likely unhappy and often not saying anything directly," Carlyle Jansen, author of Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms , tells Bustle. "It could also be a more general unhappiness or work dissatisfaction, but I find that if someone is more cranky about the partner's behavior than other life circumstances, that is a good indication of them being unhappy in the relationship." Whether they're taking general life unpleasantness out on you or they're actually miserable in the relationship, this requires a check-in before things spiral out of control.
Is your significant other coming right out and saying he's unhappy with your relationship? Most likely not. Men are more apt to keep things in or show their displeasure in other ways. Or perhaps he's "telling" you he's unhappy about isolated events or situations in your partnership, but hasn't outright said, "Hey babe - this isn't working for me." Whatever the case may be, here are 15 signs he's unhappy in your relationship.
I guess I am not the only one. He cheated on me multiple times. He kept texting other girls but wont text me. I saw a girl dressing up in his bedroom on his phone but he told me a friend visited with his girlfriend and they took his phone. I had to believe him because I love him. He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated. What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough?
Me and my husband have been together for 12 years and married for 6 we have 2 children we have hit a really rocky patch, he was working 18 hours shifts no intemacy and i had a gambling problem. this week i have caught him cheating he has been leaving and coming back for the last month and in that time he formed a relationship with a local know marriage wrecker she prays on relationships that she knows are going through tough times. i initially threw him out, but i have taken him back but i am struggling with the images, im struggling with all the lies that has been told, and i am struggling with the fact that he is defending her. I really love him and i want to get us through this, but im not sure how to re build our relationship?
"Sometimes you just have to ask. Instead of discussing their unhappiness, people may let conflicts and resentments fester. Keeping silent about a perceived inequity or accepting behaviors over and over that are troubling may seem like one is being a good sport or taking the good with the bad. But speaking up is the only way to maintain true intimacy and closeness." —Singer
Okay, so maybe you and your husband aren't experiencing any conflict. You aren't nagging him. You aren't arguing. Actually, come to think of it, you aren't doing much of anything — even getting it on. This might seem like no big deal, but couples coach Lesli Doares, host of Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning on Web Talk Radio, says this could spell trouble in paradise. "It isn't just that most men have a higher sex drive," she told me. "It's that this is a way for men to open up emotionally. Sex releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, so not being physical can create distance. It also can result in feelings of rejection which can lead to feeling unloved."