You might think him telling you all about it means nothing fishy is going on behind your back – he wouldn’t dare cheat on you with her and then come home, look you in the eye and share office stories about her… Would he? It might mean nothing, or it might mean that he has started to shift his attention to this other woman… While at the same time losing interest in you.
“It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are struggling with, but research suggests that couples who can manage to stay together usually end up happier down the road than couples who divorce,” writes Dr. Deborah Hecker on Should You Divorce or Save Your Marriage? “If partners choose to invest in their relationship and make needed changes instead of repeating their mistakes, they might be able to avoid an unnecessary divorce. And if they do finally decide to divorce, their personal work in couples therapy might increase their chance of a successful marriage next time.”
I guess ypu already know the answer. But you just want someone else to give you that little push. Darling, there is a whole world out there for you to explore. So many wonderful experiences are waiting for you. You have no time to be unhappy. If a person is not treating you right, let him go. It might feel difficult at first. But trust me, life is amazing without the toxic people in your life. And if he really cares about you, he will come back. And if he doesn’t come back be happy to be free from such a toxic relationship. Its a win win situation.
If somehow this Five Point Plan fails to work for you, and I can’t imagine how it would, there may be some last ditch tools at your disposal.  For example, introspecting about what it is in you and your upbringing that have gotten you to this place.  Thinking about what you can do better as a partner and team player in the relationship.  Leading with positivity and affection whenever remotely possible. And, of course, couples counseling.
I have been married for 25 years and have two grown up children who live at home. The first ten years were great, then my husband had a serious drink problem. We lost everything, he got help and sobriety came and I soldered on. I know he went through a lot, we all did. We lost everything, my feelings of self worth and feeling special diminished. We lost our home and everything. During that period, he changed as a person. One day I found out he was dabbling again with alcohol, so I took my kids and left. I went away for a year, he searched for me and I returned living in a rough area in a council house it was tough. I loved him and wanted it to work, maybe because I wanted to think he wanted me more so that a bottle of vodka. Anyway, we have moved about a lot trying to get back on our feet but financially it's always a struggle. I feel so unhappy, we work, talk and that's it. No excitement, fun and not much laughter. I just feel I can never trust him, as I know he has lied to me a few times. He told me he had given up smoking and he hasn't. How can I trust a man that cannot tell the truth, how can I love someone who doesn't love me enough to be honest. Our sexual relationship died many years ago, and not have a sexual relationship for over ten years makes me feel less of a woman. I have never strayed, but I just want to be happy overall. I just don't know what to do. I can't afford to live on my own, I am in a country with a visa but no savings. I feel I have no way out. I need to find myself, before I get lost.
What option seems to make the most sense to you? You’re too young to give up on your life, and a chance at being happy and fulfilled! You need to find energy and enthusiasm to keep going. The world needs people like you to come alive and participate. You can find things that make you happy and fulfilled outside your marriage — and you will brighter other people’s lives at the same time.
Can't remember your last date night? If you're not planning any important or special events together on top of not spending time together in general, that's not good news for your relationship, says Greer. Make an effort to get a couple outings on the schedule — maybe a movie night or a dinner at your favorite spot — and see if you can rekindle the flame. Marriages take work, and putting in the effort on things that bond you as a couple is part of that.
Folk please advise: Married to my husband of 5 years, lived together for 2 yrs before marrying and lived side by side for a year together before that. He raised my young daughters now 11 and 13 and his been a hard worker and good provider and for years a great friend and wonderful husband. I am also a very hard worker and split the bills although he makes more than me I do make a pretty decent living. I pay for all the girls stuff and family stuff, afer school care and camp and any other possible need they could have. His extra money is for numerous toys for him self that will keep him busy tinkering around. We were very happily actvie in snowmobiling, four wheeling, and other shared activities. He doesnt want to do that stuff anymore just tinker with his harley and tinker with his project sports car. That will be fine but we always used to talk and the4 last 4 months has been getting adamant that he doesnt want to hear anything thatI say. Wantsw to have sex and do yard sales and watch tv with me b ut he really doesnt want to hear anuthing I say unless it is about him, his harley, his car or his muscular arms, He litterally will tell me to shut up if AI bring up something related to my work or the4 kids, or something on the4 news, etcc. He talks non stop about his toys and how he was when he was younger and all the differnt thikngs he did when he was younger. He seems to be collecting all those things he wanted or had that he though was cool years ago and he will only talk ab out that or talk about making money off of selling stuff…over and over . I dont know what do do- he really doesnt want to hear anything I say- we are differnt in education- me-masters degree and he and eighth grade dropout but hes super logical and highly mechanically technical so not a dumb man- we have great parts of ourrelatioinship has been fun except for this new thinkg but I meand he really doesnt want to discuss anything to do with me and wants to only talk about him and its getting to be weird and disrespectful and old. what do you make of it? sez life is greaqt but he wishes i was his brother i think. m they talk on the4 phone muliple times a day every day and they talk about really stupid thinkgs i dont think he knows how to have a real matgure relationship with normal people. mhis family is all screwed up and all havef definite mental issues and note are work hard all livinig on welfare and stuff like that all havfe very low Iq’S Just so weird lately and I dont know if i should get out of this relationship..

My husband and I have known each other for 20 years, and been married for the past 8. We have two adorable children who we both cherish. Since having the kids though, 5 years ago, our marriage has become unbearable. My husband has been through serious issues which led to depression, and has to his own belief, now dealt with the issues. During the time of his issues, he had two incidents, at least that I know about, with other women, and over the past 8 years with his behaviour, my trust has been stripped away and I am left with no trust in him whatsoever. He now continues to tell me he wants the marriage and he is in love with me, but I find it hard to believe when after 2 years of trying to work things out, we are still no further along than when we hit rock bottom 2 years ago. He continues to be thoughtless, and my anger and emotions hit sky high every time he stuffs up. I know I should be forgiving, but I find it harder and harder these days. I have told him I hate him and that I want him out. I cannot ever see a loving future between us, and I hate the kids seeing me this way. Also our intimacy has completely gone out the window. We have not been intimate in almost 3 years. It’s so depressing. Although I want the marriage ended, I can’t help thinking “Would I be so angry and upset and emotional, if I no longer cared?” Any advice on whether I should give him a go for the thousandth time, or just cut my losses and run?
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday. He said, he is unhappy and that we know we love each other but we are not inlove anymore. We moved abroad to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me too for 3 months at that time the relationship was in a long distance. But he chase me back and here we are now. Only 7months abroad something a new life, living in together. I asked him is there someone else so many times, at first he said none, 3 weeks after I found out he was already cheating while we were still together and before he broken things up with me with A YOUNGER GIRL at work. The day i confronted them, dont get me wrong, i still get them the respect even they did me wrong, he said he was going to tell me that night but I just knew or had proof already. I was so crashed but i know i still love him, i couldnt even hate him, he was doing her and doing me too. He said he has his reasons why he did that. But for me, you cheated. It shouldve hurt less if you didnt, upto this day he says that he has reasons why he had done such. He already moved out of our apt and chose her infront of me. I can’t explain the feeling i have. I didnt believe it until I saw it, i always tell myself he can’t do that to me but I was wrong. The person that i love so much did it and it hurts like hell.
I’m glad to see how marriage has evolved. It used to be much more transactional — happening principally to foster economic benefits or social standings or to produce children — but nowadays people typically choose to commit themselves legally to each other for far more noble goals. More and more people marry with the intention of experiencing lasting love and companionship.
There are tons of hints that your partner is unhappy, Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences , tells Bustle. If they're constantly checking their phone instead of giving you their undivided attention, that is no good. Not paying attention during the conversation is a definite sign, she says, along with disinterest in being together irritability. If you try to broach the subject and they don't want to discuss it, that can be another sign.
Hi. Im no expert but if he can stop to care about her feelings he can stop to care about your feelings if he loves you. Sometimes i believe some men get a little to selfish because they feel the love we have for them. But make him see that if he can’t stop seeing her then your of the menu too “so to speak”. Make him decided what’s more important. That way you can also find some one who can make you happy whether its him or someone else. That’s my thought good luck!
So, my questions are two. 1. What can I do to help him realize he needs some kind of help? 2. The lack of feeling on my part during sex (which is usually an emotional event for me).. is that an indication that my marriage may be over? I know it is because I don’t trust him right now and haven’t for a long time, but I figured that would just make me guarded, not unfeeling. It felt so wrong and makes me worry.
If you're settling, you probably know you're settling - but you're constantly in denial, trying to convince yourself that things are fine. So, when you feel particularly unhappy with your relationship, you do things like remind yourself that it could be worse. Your boyfriend treats you fine. He's there for you, he's a good kisser. Yeah, he does some stuff that bothers you, but it could be worse, right? Do you really want someone thinking of you and being like, "I guess it could be better, but it could also be a lot worse." Didn't think so.
I am my new husbands 4th wife. He has a handicapped son that lives with us, the son is now 28 years old, he is agressive and my husbands feeling of guilt means that he has to go out of his way all the time to give his son a normal life, he runs around like crazy to make him happy, i am therefore a very close second in his life, not first. When we got married i had no idea that things would turn out like they are, i love my husband and i am sure that he loves me. Problem is, we have almost no signs that we are married. I have slept alone in our bed for the last 6 years, he has to sleep with his son for security (medical) purposes. We do not share a dinner table and we seldom do things together, when we do have a chance to talk, he will fall asleep on the couch. We differ 18 years, i understand that he is tired, i also work and are tired too. My husband does not like my oldest son and to the degree that i had to move my son to live with my sister. I feel like all the dreams of love and intimacy of family will never be a reality for me again. I am very lonely and my heart breaks for my son and rebellious things that he starting to do. I have never used anything as escape and recently found that a few glasses of wine each night helps to dimm all the emotion.. we are bringing the ugliest out of each other, i some days don’t even recognise myself and are starting to believe my husbands bad words against me, and then he brings me tea every morning, he never skip, no matter how bad the fight was. We mostly fight about how he treat or speak to my boys. Our daughter are in the middle of this all, she does not deserve this. We have talked about divorce and then he threatens to take our daughter, and then the next morning he brings me tea again. This has been going on forever. Please advise on what you think i should do?
My husband suggested that I start spending more time alone with God. So I did. At first, I found it hard to pray. I found that I lost focus easily and my thoughts wandered. But after a while I started just talking out loud to keep myself awake. I started journaling my thoughts and prayers, and reading Bible stories in the Gospels. And I found myself in the story of Mary and Martha. I realized that I was Martha, scurrying around, trying to make sure things were perfect for everyone else, when God really just wanted me to focus on being Mary.

Had been married for about 10 years. Have three beautiful kids all under the age of 10. Future ex wife filed for divorce and did not talk. The manipulation game worked for her for it drew the worst out of a good man that pleaded to keep his family together. We were on the brink of re-building our marriage through counseling, but future ex wife wrecked a family. We never committed adultery, fought through anger, called each other names, nothing. No alcohol or drug abuse. My eldest daughter has been devastated. So hard to see your kids cry and plead for their mommy and daddy to stay together. I never wanted such an outcome of a 10 year marriage. Things moved so fast over the first 7 years with several children born, loss of job linked to the shitty economy took a toll on my and my future ex wife. I developed depression over the last year of marriage of which made family tough. I received appropriate care for my depression and I looked up to my wife at the time for much needed support. With wife starting a business, me staying at home with the kids while trying to gain access to job opportunities, I was spent. I did some recharging by protecting myself from the negativity that spewed from my wife over the last several months of marriage. I needed to regain my individuality that I lost trying to serve a woman that was controlling and very self serving. Overall, we both made some minor mistakes in our marriage that went noticed – meaning all of the negative baggage was carried to the point of filing for divorce instead of FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE THINGS THAT YOUR PARTNER BRINGS TO THE MARRIAGE! We failed to communicate effectively and truly trusting each other. I made a game out of the situation that was worsened by my attitude to make the situation worse. Depression is a bastard for I just wasn’t myself during the depression days. Now I have a bit of a clearer mindset as the depression fades with time and much self reflection. I do still find myself very alone…pondering the what ifs at times…but for the most part, I often wonder what could have been. Our divorce process has been pretty boring. My future ex wife doesn’t speak to me and hasn’t since the divorce filing. I often wonder about reconciliation, but due to the current communication state, I feel that reconciliation is no longer an opportunity. Now that I see my kids 4 days per month, I have lost connection with them. I no longer think about them as much as I did when I was at home. I pick em up and two of them want to stay with mom…I take em home and they run after the car crying for their dad. Oh well, kids will be affected, but that is the way of the future ex wife.


I’ve been in a relationship for 14 years and married for 5 of those years. We have 3 children we both adore and our priority. For the past 3 years I’d say our relationship has been a rollercoaster; we get a long great, we communicate, spend time together then something snaps; either because I didn’t do something, or did it wrong or did something I did but wasn’t suppose to do. He will get really angry and blame me for whatever it is. He thinks I am a mindreader. He goes thru this atleast 2x a year; this last time he said he had enough and was going to be moving out. I didn’t think he would because of the other times we would have fights like this in the past. Now he really left; I am so hurt and heartbroken. How do I accept this is the end? How can I carry on without him? He is the love of my life!
I read your article, I understand that no one can tell me when I’ve had enough. But Iam 38 , with 5 kids. I have a 20 year old son who is expecting his 1st, with his gf, I have 13 year old triplet daughters, and a 12 year old son. My husband and I have been married 16 years, he has also been “married ” to the military for 17 years. We are an active duty family. Yes I say we, I’ve watched him pack up for 6 different deployments, some almost broke his soul. Anyway… the loves not there. I reach out to touch him, and he dosent return the favor, we used to snuggle in bed, when one person would move or shift, the other followed, now I usually sleep with a body pillow so I can have comfort. I need help or get sick, I have to do it alone, it was one thing when he couldn’t be here, but now he chooses not to be. He says basically that everything that happens, is my fault. I look at this man, and it’s not just the children I gave him, or saving his life a few times, but everything he took, stole, robbed and broke me of. I try to hold on, part of me dosent want to be in that 78% marriage fail rate, or the fact if we fail, did I f*$k up? But Iam tired. Lonely. Dissapointed. Lost. Hurt and angry. Where did I get so weak. How can I hold on for just a few more years till our kids are out of the house. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
The only common thing throughout this whole thread is the fact that, somewhere along the way, someone has lost their love for their partner. Any loss painful and scary as we all fear the unknown. We all fear being unwanted, unloved and un-needed. We are all unsure of what step to take next. My only advice (for what its worth) to each of us, is dont do too much at once. Take tiny steps and only make small changes at time. Look after yourself, allow yourself to grieve the lost relationship (they say the negative feelings are better out than in) and then start looking for a way to take yourself forward through whatever it is you need to go through.
This is what has been happening with me. I’ve been married for a little over a year my soon to be ex has only talked twice about our relationship issues and this is only after she left twice and we worked everything out. But that’s the only time she has talked to me about our relationship. She was never willing to talk but those two times. We have had many issues that needed to be talked about but she refuses she calls me every thing in the book and belittles me she will text me saying all this but refuses to sit down and talk about our issues. Example of her getting mad: I would ask her a question she would reply saying you’re an idiot why would you ask that you’re stupid and it was a simple question like do you still want to go town this weekend. One other example I was making supper I was cutting an onion she say why you cutting that onion like that I say that’s how I was taught she say that’s stupid you’re a moron. I have spoiled her I helped with cooking cleaning laundry do all the yard work but nothing is ever good enough and one minute she is all good and the next she is pissed over stupid things. She has left again my question is should I just say screw it and justhave nothing to do with her?
Had been married for about 10 years. Have three beautiful kids all under the age of 10. Future ex wife filed for divorce and did not talk. The manipulation game worked for her for it drew the worst out of a good man that pleaded to keep his family together. We were on the brink of re-building our marriage through counseling, but future ex wife wrecked a family. We never committed adultery, fought through anger, called each other names, nothing. No alcohol or drug abuse. My eldest daughter has been devastated. So hard to see your kids cry and plead for their mommy and daddy to stay together. I never wanted such an outcome of a 10 year marriage. Things moved so fast over the first 7 years with several children born, loss of job linked to the shitty economy took a toll on my and my future ex wife. I developed depression over the last year of marriage of which made family tough. I received appropriate care for my depression and I looked up to my wife at the time for much needed support. With wife starting a business, me staying at home with the kids while trying to gain access to job opportunities, I was spent. I did some recharging by protecting myself from the negativity that spewed from my wife over the last several months of marriage. I needed to regain my individuality that I lost trying to serve a woman that was controlling and very self serving. Overall, we both made some minor mistakes in our marriage that went noticed – meaning all of the negative baggage was carried to the point of filing for divorce instead of FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE THINGS THAT YOUR PARTNER BRINGS TO THE MARRIAGE! We failed to communicate effectively and truly trusting each other. I made a game out of the situation that was worsened by my attitude to make the situation worse. Depression is a bastard for I just wasn’t myself during the depression days. Now I have a bit of a clearer mindset as the depression fades with time and much self reflection. I do still find myself very alone…pondering the what ifs at times…but for the most part, I often wonder what could have been. Our divorce process has been pretty boring. My future ex wife doesn’t speak to me and hasn’t since the divorce filing. I often wonder about reconciliation, but due to the current communication state, I feel that reconciliation is no longer an opportunity. Now that I see my kids 4 days per month, I have lost connection with them. I no longer think about them as much as I did when I was at home. I pick em up and two of them want to stay with mom…I take em home and they run after the car crying for their dad. Oh well, kids will be affected, but that is the way of the future ex wife.

just tell him, be honest, if its something his doing than he can work on and you think you can be happy again well than tell him that...if its just you dont want to be with him at all tell him...its hard but people break up with there boyfriends and girlfriend every second or people get dumped every second thats part of life and thats part of dating, he will move on. dont be mean about it, dont make it harder for him than it already will be...but hey you never know maybe he feels the same way and it will be mutal and easy for both of you...
Also sometimes I just want to go out with some girl friends but my hubby gets up set than its transfer to me so I don’t go. He tells me after the big face go but tell your mom to baby sit cuz am not, I tell him go out you too but since he doesn’t have much friends other than his family he expects me to stay home too. If I go do my hair, nails ect it’s like how long, what Are we going to ect. I don everything other than fixing the house that’s all him but anything else pay bills, look for work estimates, buying things ect all me. He just works really hard at work n home but never any time for us alone or for me sometimes I just want to run. I currently work and go to school for psychology which am treating myself first. I just feel like there’s no me time I never get a break. And when he tells me ok let’s go out I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel attracted to him, I feel like I am missing out on things and am not one to regret because I love my kids and will do that all over again but at the same time I feel like I had to child hood myself having my daughter at 16 and being with my hubby since 14 but married 3 yr’s ago.
If a coupon still cares about each other, it should not be that hard to talk and follow thru. She does spend some money like 200-400 for food and kids’ pocket money but it is not enough to cover our expenses as I had explained to her but she didn’t care. I asked her what will happen to my kid in college if I lose a job, and she just said just wait until that happens as it is a long term thing (basically no need to build college fund) which I think is very short-sighted. She simply doesn’t want to help out the family and want to send money oversea for her new home project. I feels that she is very selfish and possibly plan to move back soon and leave the kids with me?? as she expressed on one sense that she should quick her job and move back so she didn’t have to deal with me and other financial requirements.
If you cannot identify any specific parts of your relationship that make you unhappy, you may be dealing with a larger problem. In such cases, it might be a good idea to involve a couple's counselor, suggests Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith in their HelpGuide.org article "Relationship Help." If you are struggling with personal issues or with your mood in general – not just your marriage – let your husband know what you are experiencing. For example, frequent crying, insomnia or not enjoying the things that you used to may point to a broader issue. Once your husband understands how you're feeling, he may be able to help ease some of your daily burdens, as well as help you find a health care provider to help you deal with these issues.
Be a complete wife. A woman who parties, travels a lot, spends longer time outside her home, spends her weekends at work or on any other activity that takes her away from her home, leaving her family in the hands of friends, maids, neighbors, church members, nannies to take care of her home, is offering her husband up to another woman on a platter of gold. One of these helpers could win your husband's love and you will weep later. Do not unduly trust any woman. Do not give room for any woman to steal your husband from you by cooking his meals. Be the cook! You can't win the heart of your man if you can't win his stomach. If you want to stop your husband from having an affair you have no choice than to become a better cook and let your husband crave for your food always.
Our relationship started on a very shaky grounds. When we met we were both in relationships – mine wasn’t serious and I ended it immediately. He, however, was living with a woman who he’d been with for (I forget but maybe 5-8 years) and whom he had a son with. Had I met him now I’d have backed off but I was 16 and admit that I didn’t much think of the other woman – he told me that the relationship was practically over anyway, that they were always splitting up. So I believed him when he said that he had split up with her. He in fact had just told her that he wanted to get his own place for a while, but didn’t end the relationship. We moved in togehter; he went away almost every night to say goodnight to his son – me feeling like a homewrecker never questioned that. She turned up one day and the truth came out. Both she and I were devastated – I told him it was over. He begged me not to leave. We had (and still have) a very strong, profound spiritual connection so I stayed. He told me how his son had problems and that his commonlaw wife had major depression and he couldn’t bring himself to leave them so, in my naive young way, I agreed to him staying with her until she was strong enough to be without him – telling myself that we were soulmates and this was just how it was fated to be. Five years passed with me living behind closed curtains for the first half of them – and even then it only ended because the poor woman found out about us. Luckily she was strong enough … Very strong enough to deal with it. I have huge regret – not just because I disrespected myself but also because I disrespected her (although I did think of her, and feel so much guilt the whole time, I was always assured this was the best was to do things – I still belive that he genuinely thought that it was, his intentions were to not hurt her).
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I have a husband who has been hard to please. We have been married for 20+ years. Everything I do has an "ulterior" motive in his mind. I don't think I can even get into the whole of this to give anyone a good perspective of what I am dealing with. He was married to a woman for maybe 2-3 months. I'm not sure why he married her as she cheated on him before they were married and he still married her - then shortly after they got married she cheated again and he kicked her out. After they were split for like 2 years we started dating and got married. He has really old-fashioned thinking which at times is nice and at times it is very stressful. Anyway - if I even talk to another man he gets a little ridiculous. Recently we had a friend who lost a spouse and our children were really good friends. They (the children) have been over a lot since that happened and my husband has blown that whole thing into he is interested in me. To the point of starting arguments about it in the middle of the night. when I am sound asleep - he will wake me up - what's wrong - I know there is something wrong. I can't even talk to him anymore - even social media posts he twists into a new dimension of meaning something entirely different. I am probably going to block him from my social media posts to put a stop to that. I walk on eggshells. He gets my phone and reads my text messages and has found nothing - but still swears there is something there. The way he thinks is the only right way and if you try to show him something different it can often make him angry. I feel like a caged bird and I feel like he is smothering me and the whole situation is making me very unhappy. I try to be happy even when things are going wrong - I deal with it and move on. He complains and puts everyone around him down and blames them even if they had nothing to do with it. He can control himself around his own family and around people he thinks a lot of. He will brag us up to those people, but if my Mom is around or if someone he has decided he doesn't care for is around he is downright hurtful and rude. What is odd - is it's ok if he does it - but if you would turn around and do the same - he would be telling you about it. He has good qualities - he is a hard worker and a good provider. And what I have just explained is just a mild overview, nowhere near a thorough explanation. My main question is how do you give yourself space from a person like this when you are married with children still at home living in the same home? I am self-employed but I don't feel I can support myself without getting a job which would probably mean I would need to quit my business as I would not be readily available for appointments. I love your advice - and I think it would work great for a more removed relative or friend - but how do you make it work for someone you live with who seems at times irrational.
It turns out that even monkeys are able to feel jealous of their partners around other males. Jealousy arose in the course of evolution as a way to maintain the integrity of the couple. A man is wired so that subconsciously he wants to declare his rights to a woman and to be the only “owner” of her beauty. Therefore, it is quite natural that your man starts to get nervous when someone pays attention to you. But people, of course, are not monkeys, and bouts of excessive jealousy will only harm the relationship.
Thank you for your support. I assume that the response was that I am the guilty party, which is OK. I can take that. My mistake was that carrying on after my “affair” was a sign of forgiveness. After all, even in “fault” states if a woman sleeps with her husband after infidelity that is a sign that she moved on and has no reasons to sue later on. Yes, our marriage is one of assymetry. My wife has always used sex as a barganing chip, claiming that she does not need it and that is my reward for “good behavior”. I guess I was always a man of somewhat low self esteem and I put that on myself.However, our story does have updates. Soon after I posted, I found out that she did not only posted on one site but on multiple sites. All full blown profiles with pictures and everything. I found checked profiles of men she apparently liked on many sites. What was a full-blown smack in the head was a number of searches on dating sites, google, chat forums about “how to date a married woman”, “pitfalls of dating a married woman” “why men talk dirty online”, “how not to be a pervert”, even for terms like “eating man’s cake”. Numerous links to background checks, reverse phone numbers lookups. Even the search ” I kissed a man and did not feel anything? Why?” My head was absolutely spinning. Months of lies and deception. And then come more lies. When confronted, she came up with a story of lonelines and just looking for friends, even claiming she did not post pictures when I actually have them on disk. She quickly went on to delete the profiles from the sites I mentioned to her, but left intact those that I did not. Quite stupis behavior, caught liek a dear in the headlights. And no she did not kiss anyone, but no explanation for the search. Could anybody come up with a reasonable explanation why would a woman do such a serch. I am dying to get an unbiased opinion. Just when you think you know somebody. To think that I actually believed that she does not like sex!! I could only imagine what her mailbox looks like! Do I even want to know?

Our relationship is been very good over the years but about 2 or 3 years ago, she confronted me saying that she has lost interest in making love. First I thought that it could be her hormone problem and didn’t occur to me that we need to get help about it. We do continue having sex but not making love. She doesn’t even response to whatever I do to her, like romancing and foul play. Even when having sex, she said that it is painful and we need to use lubricant. Every time when we having sex, I don’t really get the satisfaction but feeling bad about it.
“If you find that you are your husband are critical of each other, don’t assume your marriage is doomed to fail,” writes Lisitsa. “The problem with criticism is that, when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other, far deadlier [warning signs of unhealthy marriages].  Criticism makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern where the first horseman reappears with greater and greater frequency and intensity.”
From a woman’s point of view, you need to get out. For the sanity of yourself, and your children. Your wife has little to no respect for you, and from what you’ve said, herself. Her values are also not anywhere near in line with your own, as she believes that her actions are justifiable. I once was the woman who took advantage of wonderful, goodhearted men, and who cared about nothing more than having my ego fed. It is impossible to be in a relationship with a selfish person, unless you are a glutton for neglect and abuse. The fact that she is taking no responsibility for her actions, and manipulating you in a way that is intended to make you feel guilty for her wrong doings, also validates the fact that she is not only out for her own self indulging ways, but also that she has such little respect for you that she sees you as nothing more than a pawn. With you, she can have the upright lifestyle. Successful husband, children, home.. but because of your leniency in letting her manipulate you, she can also have her second life, for those she doesn’t mind displaying that too. I am not for divorce, at all. I believe that a couple must do everything in their power to rectify their marriage, ESPECIALLY when children are involved. However, there comes a time when you must stop slamming your head against the brick wall and accept that there is sometimes no way of changing a person, or their priorities. I suggest you file for divorce, and allow your wife to live the life that she seems to gravitate too. Remain an excellent father, for it seems you are the one who is most levelheaded and who your children must rely on, and move on. Those with a good heart, must be paired with someone who nurtures that heart, not destroys it. I know you may not yield to my advice, I was once the person on the victim side of an unhealthy relationship, but once you get out, you will be free of the emotional strain that this woman holds on your life. I wish the best for you, and for your children. All I ask is that through the process of divorce, if you choose to take that route, do not let anger or resentment rob you of the dignity and respect you deserve, from all parties.. most importantly your kids.
My pregnancy was definitely unplanned. My fiancé & I had sex one time & then found out we were pregnant just 2 weeks later. He was super shocked at first & kept telling me that it was still early enough for my period to possibly flush it out (he doesn't really know much about this kinda stuff), then he was really upset, cried for a few days, & didn't expect it to be a legit thing until we got it confirmed by a doctor the day I was suppose to have a period... Now we're a little over 16 weeks in & he's still terrified, but extremely excited to be a daddy <3
In the meantime, we're just going to have to trust our guts, and do some communication-related adulting to make sure everyone is happy and satisfied in the relationship. However, that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of clues to help you on your way. After all, the more skilled you are at picking up your partners cues, the better you will be at maintaining the health and well-being of your relationship. So, if you want to get ahead of the game, here are six things to watch out for, according to the experts.
It’s not always a denial issue.  Many people who struggle with depression – and I are one – think “this too shall pass” and that they will somehow snap out of it.  So before you call anyone an “idiot”, walk a mile in his/her shoes.  You don’t want to sacrifice your life for them, so be it.  Don’t.  But don’t try to paint it as a character issue.  Because so many people view as such, those who struggle with depression often feel ashamed or embarrassed that they need help and can’t just snap out of it.

This guy was her ex boyfriend and I never have any mix feeling about their past. In fact they (their family) become a family friend to us. He and his family use to come to my house for a visit (not regular) and the same goes to us too. Then do some research on this guy and it seems that he was involve with a married women quite some time and was beaten up. I believe his wife was aware about it.

Often, men become withdrawn because their life isn't what they anticipated it would be. If you feel this may be a contributing factor in how your spouse is feeling, create new experiences for you two to share in. Surprise him with a week away or arrange for him to participate in something that he loves to do, whether it's working out at the gym or restoring an old car. Sometimes when a man has something new and exciting to focus on, it will change his entire attitude and you'll start to see his sunny disposition shining through again.
Communicate with your boyfriend. If all the signs are there, direct communication is the only avenue. Ask him if he is happy. Sometimes his response to the question might be all you need. If he is sincerely confused you would ask him such a question, he is probably happy in the relationship. If he tells you he is happy and asks you why you think he isn't, take his concern as a positive response.
get out, get out now, while you are still young. I was you 5 years ago. Don’t focus on the little details of why you can’t leave, your mental wellbeing and freedom are worth more. If you cannot find the strength to do so then find a councellor to help you find the strength and clarity you need. They can be pricey, but you would be amazed at what will come your way when you are ready for help. God be with you and be safe.
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"In my job as a divorce mediator, often a spouse wants to tell me the whole backstory to their divorce. But I can tell you what really happened — in every divorce, someone (but usually both people) feels dismissed, discounted, disrespected, or devalued. These are major indicators of unhappiness." —Elinor Robin, PhD, Divorce Mediator with A Friendly Divorce in Gainesville, FL

It seems as though lately, all we do is bicker. We are constantly at each others throats. He is cold and rude and that makes me mad or cry and then he tells me I am being over dramatic. It is a vicious cycle and I don't know how to make it stop. We have been dating for over a year, but for the first 11 months we were long distance. We saw each other every weekend and our relationship was really strong. We decided that if we were going to work long term, we would need to see how we did when we lived in the same city. He had the better job, so I moved from Houston to Dallas to be with him. I don't really know anyone here, so it is natural for me to cling to him, because he is my support system. I don't know if going from seeing each other 4 days a week to 6 or 7 days a week freaked him out, or what it is, but something with us changed. He started to feel trapped, and controlled in every aspect of his life (not just by me). Work is overwhelming him, his parents are demanding of his time as are his life long friends and so am I. I know besides work I am the top prority out of those 4 but I know he wants it to be more balanced. I have tried to explain to him that I am ok with that, but he doesnt seem to believe me. I want to find my own nitche in this new city. I have always been an independent, strong woman so it is gut wrernching to me that I have become this dependent, needy, naggy person. That is not who I am, but at the same time I have never moved for love, and then felt so alone. I don't think that he understands how much I have given up to be with him. Don't get me wrong, this was my choice, and I would do it again if I knew that we were going to be ok. I am just not so sure anymore.
It can sometimes be difficult to know if a boyfriend is happy, particularly if your boyfriend isn't skilled at communicating. Since both parties in a relationship need to be happy for the relationship to stand a chance for long-term survival, you should approach your boyfriend if you feel he may not be happy in the relationship. While there is no way to fully know if your boyfriend is happy, there are signs to look for to help determine the state of your relationship.
As we mentioned earlier, women consider that having a partner is the greatest reward for a man. Finally, they care about the house and the children. Unfortunately, men with time, begin to feel less and less cared by their wives. They want women to be their supporter and partner and give something to them. But certain habits are hard to change, so there is a need for sincere conversation and understanding. You want him to keep saying that you are great, but when have you told him the same thing?
He spends most of the day on the computer playing online games. Doesn’t listen to a thing I say most of the time. When I confront him with the problem, he gets upset, cries like a two year old and then says he’ll change. Any behavioral change lasts a total of 3 days, max, then reverts. He’s terrible in bed. Won’t learn, won’t take advice on how I like things, won’t make any effort to doing ANYTHING other than what he’s used to.

Some couples consider the "D" word -- Divorce -- off limits. If you and your husband have never thrown the "D" word around in an argument, but your husband starts to use it more frequently now, this is symptomatic that he is unhappy in the marriage. The fact that he uses the "D" word could indicate that he has given the possibility of divorce some thought, so it is best to confront him on what he is thinking.
I've been married just 3years but I find no meaning in my marriage.everyday I feel regretful that I made this commitment.I hoped for friendship,companionship,love and care but pain is everything there is.my husband and I hv nothing to share.he has a world of his own while I figure out how am gonna have to live with my kids in this.we have a little girl who sees me cry a lot about my unhappiness.Now am expecting and distressed.I hope one day I find a happy life through a good choice.

Communicate with your boyfriend. If all the signs are there, direct communication is the only avenue. Ask him if he is happy. Sometimes his response to the question might be all you need. If he is sincerely confused you would ask him such a question, he is probably happy in the relationship. If he tells you he is happy and asks you why you think he isn't, take his concern as a positive response.


Hi, thank you for your article. The signs you have pointed out here have been happening to me and my husband. We are 5 years married. He is not with us always because of his job and he only gets home every other month or two months (and only stays 1 week). Before our big fight, we have a very smooth sailing relationship. Always calling, texting. But last year I got pregnant with our 2nd child and I wasn’t able to go to him (the place where he stayed, and where he worked). I think that was when it all started (when everything has fallen apart).
Make a list of the positive qualities you have that you are proud of and that he is lucky to have you for. Magazines have encouraged women to compare their looks to other women in a very biased way. If you find yourself asking how you look often, it will come off as desperate. Men love a woman that is confident with who she is naturally, and you have no reason to obsess over how you look.

You gravitate towards people and things that make you the most happy. When your husband chooses to spend more time with his friends, working on his car, or doing some other activity than with you, it might signal that he is unhappy with you for some reason. He may be upset with you for some reason and isn’t talking to you about it because he doesn’t want to deal with the argument that will result from it.


I feel broken. My heart into a million pieces my stomach turned inside out. My head throbbing my eyes wet and my face red. My heart thumps for the laughs we shared over silly things. I wish he would just try again. He said he fell out of love with me and I feel like I am abandoned left in the dark while he finds who he wants and I’m stuck. It’s easy to say these things to “make us women feel better” but the truth is that no one moves on from an ex they thought about a future with, it only fades. Will he want me back when he does what he wants? Will he text me one day and say “I miss you”, that’s the unknown. I’m pregnant with his child early on still and I have no idea what to do. Well I do but my heart wants another thing. He doesn’t want it he strongly goes against me going through with the pregnancy and I just want him to say “I need you and I will be here through everything” he said if this ever happened that he would love it and love me and our baby but I guess it was all a lie. I was there for him through anything he did, he never cheated or anything like that but I could tell we were growing apart. I hate starting over whenever that time comes. This has happened before with us but this time feels so real. He’s confused and tells me one thing and then the next couple days tells me another. He wants to talk to other people and have his old life back he described to me. I didn’t do anything wrong I was always there and I loved him through everything. It can’t just be all black and white. I hold back my tears because I don’t want to feel it. My sister and mom are different they tell me he’s not the one for me and just wanted something temporary they do not know I am pregnant, I am 17. I am not the temporary type of person and he said so many things to me just a month ago and then all of a sudden did this. Is there someone else? Did someone catch his eye? Am I not good enough? I just don’t understand

We all know that an affair do not start without a reason. It usually starts when your marriage is lacking something. To stop your husband from having an affair and save your marriage, you must ensure you meet his sexual and emotional needs. Do not make him desire sexual intimacy and pleasure from another woman because of your lack of energy, creativity and spontaneity.
Me and my boyfriend is going this right but he don’t want me to but he unhappy with himself and us then he said it because it don’t have nothing but I’m doing everything I can to get on my feet to help that same way so it not doing all him self but I don’t help with what lil money I do get… I just don’t understand what going it almost been two years for us n alot has happen but was in the first year….. Need some help to save it…..
When you first started dating, your partner thought everything you did was adorable (or at least tolerable), but now you can’t even breathe without them nitpicking you. Yeah, chances are your partner is just generally unhappy in the relationship and are taking it out on you. Carlyle Jansen, author of Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms, told Bustle that this may be the way they are expressing their unhappiness without having to do it directly. "It could also be a more general unhappiness or work dissatisfaction, but I find that if someone is more cranky about the partner's behavior than other life circumstances, that is a good indication of them being unhappy in the relationship,” she says.

Also sometimes I just want to go out with some girl friends but my hubby gets up set than its transfer to me so I don’t go. He tells me after the big face go but tell your mom to baby sit cuz am not, I tell him go out you too but since he doesn’t have much friends other than his family he expects me to stay home too. If I go do my hair, nails ect it’s like how long, what Are we going to ect. I don everything other than fixing the house that’s all him but anything else pay bills, look for work estimates, buying things ect all me. He just works really hard at work n home but never any time for us alone or for me sometimes I just want to run. I currently work and go to school for psychology which am treating myself first. I just feel like there’s no me time I never get a break. And when he tells me ok let’s go out I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel attracted to him, I feel like I am missing out on things and am not one to regret because I love my kids and will do that all over again but at the same time I feel like I had to child hood myself having my daughter at 16 and being with my hubby since 14 but married 3 yr’s ago.
I see also that you have only been married for 5 years! A lot of the posts on this thread are from marriages over 15 years (mine included) – I hate to burst your bubble @happy in marriage, but I was also happily married just 5 years in. Lets hope you can hold onto your perfect life over the next decade as well. but honestly, before you come parading your smugness, on a thread that is full of real people’s pain – just stop to think for a moment. NONE of theses marriages started off wrong, they were all just as perfect as yours in the begining.

Obviously, we can't all be Suzy homemaker. Especially if we have a career of our own. But, take the time to cook for him from time to time. If you aren't a great cook, learn a few of his favorite dishes and try to perfect them. Use the endless food blogs and even Pinterest to find some new creations that can be simple and fast. Making an effort will show that you care about him and his tummy.


I don’t know if it’s a sign your marriage is over, for many reasons. First, only you and your spouse can make this decision! Second, some married couples vacation separately and say it’s what keeps their marriage healthy and happy. Third, does your wife even want to vacation with you? Maybe she doesn’t enjoy it either! And fourth, how is your marriage outside of your vacations? If you’re both happy with your relationship all the time except for when you’re on holidays, then maybe it’s just one of those quirky things in your relationship.
When people have exciting news to share or even just need someone to talk to, they typically speed dial the person closest to them. If that used to be your spouse but is now someone else — whether that's a girlfriend or another man — it's a clear sign you're not in the happy marriage you used to be. "Research shows that in healthy marriages, couples celebrate each other's successes. If you're turning to [someone else] first in good times and bad, then you're replacing your husband emotionally and avoiding addressing what isn't working with him," says Dr. Paulette Sherman, psychologist, director of My Dating and Relationship School and author of Dating from the Inside Out. Try putting your husband into your #1 spot again. If you're not getting the support you need — or you don't even want it in the first place — it might be time to sit down and have a serious discussion about your relationship.
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