Married for 45 years, husband cheated with same woman for 16 years. Been to counselling, numerous chats, still together, but a lot of joy has gone out of my life. He is still working long hours, and now working away overnight 2 nights/3 days a week and I am home, with arthritis, dwelling sometimes on the deceit and lies I have encountered over the years, with him messing with my head making me feel neurotic when I wasn’t. I have lovely holidays, beautiful home, possessions, jewellery etc and I still have this terrible emptiness inside me. We are together because deep down we still love one another and have 50 years together. Sometimes I feel trapped because I couldn’t leave him and be happy at the expense of his unhappiness. He says he is happy but I don’t know if he can be. Any advice.
I have a similar situation with my boyfriend he is very moody and it’s affected my child the most. He are constantly fighting every weekend over something so small and he would Storm off and go home for a couple of days or if my child wakes him up in the morning he goes mad and curses at me infront of my child and then again he would Storm home. I know he hates he’s job and it isn’t stable and that really bothers him and puts him in bad form. But when he is is the wrong he turns the row on me and changes the subject that in texting other lads and he would shout down at me and look trough all my messages !! He’s mood swings are pushes me away that I don’t feel the same anymore.
“If you find that you are your husband are critical of each other, don’t assume your marriage is doomed to fail,” writes Lisitsa. “The problem with criticism is that, when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other, far deadlier [warning signs of unhealthy marriages]. Criticism makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, and often causes the perpetrator and victim to fall into an escalating pattern where the first horseman reappears with greater and greater frequency and intensity.”
Expressing the feelings from the masculine point of view is an arduous task for many. In most cases, they do not know how to do it and therefore they are afraid to say what they actually feel in their hearts. We can summarize that the emotional mind of men works very differently than in women, so we have to be aware of this fact all the time since he may be dying inside and we may not realize it.
Anna Green has been published in the "Journal of Counselor Education and Supervision" and has been featured regularly in "Counseling News and Notes," Keys Weekly newspapers, "Travel Host Magazine" and "Travel South." After earning degrees in political science and English, she attended law school, then earned her master's of science in mental health counseling. She is the founder of a nonprofit mental health group and personal coaching service.
When two people have been together for a long time and have developed a routine and have accumulated a large plate of responsibilities, it’s not uncommon for one or both of the partners to start feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes there’s just a lot of pressure and a person involuntarily takes it out on their spouse. This can lead to a person feeling unappreciated and/or resentful…
At the same time, my husband and I started working on PureCouples. We launched the website in 2016, and I started blogging about marriage and relationships more regularly. Blogging made me feel like I had something to contribute to the world beyond changing diapers and doing laundry. People across the world read my blog and found it helpful, and more importantly, I loved the feeling of satisfaction I got from writing. Writing made me feel like my world had clicked into place.
Whether you suspect and feel, or your husband told you directly that he’s not that happy with your marriage, that kind of knowledge certainly makes you an unhappy wife. Instead of falling in the infinite circle of mutual accusations, it would be much more constructive to play maturely, take responsibility and see what is that you could do about it.
Actually, it can be, if you make it that way. But, if you do so, be sure that the only thing your couple will think about is how to break free. If we want a marriage based on love, not fear, we should leave the space for both of us to breathe and expand. Freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever comes to your mind. You two know what is a part of your deal. But you want your husband to respect the deal because of love, not because he has no other options. Don’t make him choose between you and everything else. Love gives us wings, fear tides us in chains. You choose which one you’re gonna base your marriage on.
I’ve been with my guy for a few years. His is my best friend, and I can honestly say I love him. Lately I haven’t felt happy. We are in a long distance relationship, and the last few times I got to see him I was not as excited as I was in the past. The thought of breaking up with him makes me feel sick sometimes, and the explaining to everyone would be exhausting. I look at my siblings and see how happy they are with their significant others. Sometimes I feel like I don’t look at my guy the way I see other couples look at each other.
It’s popular among Christian literature for women to discuss the types of wives we should be, and the actions we should take to help ensure a happy husband who doesn’t stray. I can get along with that to some extent. I’ll admit that I shave my legs every day, and that I dress nice and put on makeup more for my spouse than I do myself. I mean, it makes me feel good, but it also makes me feel good to look appealing for him.
Im not married but this suits my relationship of two years perfectly. Of course, finding this out in marriage is so much more difficult. Thank you. This writing eases my pain and makes me feel better about the situation. After he admitted to me he was angry Monday through Friday and wasn’t where he saw himself at 30 years of age, it was then I finally realized that no amount of talking, crying, and trying was going to make him love me back the way I love him. Everything made sense once he said that to me. I recently started my nursing career and I’m happy. I have hard days for sure but I come home feeling like I made a difference for someone that day. I feel fulfilled. I have a great family who is always there for me and I have most of the things I want. I dreamt about our future together and I found myself working my life around his but he just wasn’t on the same page. I told him during our final breakup that I knew he wasn’t happy at work but that I prayed for him everyday and will continue praying and he responded with “I’m not religious.” It hurt my heart that he didn’t see how much I care about him, how much I want to be on his team, and help him get through any struggle. I was his biggest fan. 🙁 But there’s nothing I can do about it and I see that now. It’s not me.
Nothing makes a man ready to listen to how dissatisfied you are like hearing how your friend Jessica’s husband takes care of the kids every Saturday for the whole afternoon while she trains for a triathlon. Obviously he will commiserate with you over the injustice that Jessica, who despite her athleticism is not even that hot, has a better husband than you have. He might even be so overcome with sympathy that he walks directly out of the house. Don’t worry, I’m sure he is headed to buy you flowers to make up for his stupidity and selfishness.
Hi, I’ve been married to my wife for 5 years and together for 7. We have 2 amazing children, life got in the way and we were not around for each other enough but still knew we loved each other. My wife went off sex after the birth of our first born. 6 months ago cheated while away on a hen do. States was nothing more than a kiss, but send messages and photos when came home for a period of weeks. She says she’s 50/50 and doesn’t know what she wants. 6 months later she still texts this man, stating it’s just a friendship now, and still won’t commit, says 50/50, and won’t be physically intimate (not even cuddling on sofa/in bed). Am I wasting my time? Can she come back to me or should I now walk?
What’s happened as a result has been brilliant. I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.
On the other hand, the expression of love is important just as much. From a big hug to many kisses. The desire to touch another human being is a basic necessity, just as the heat of a squeeze is something that brings us comfort. You can do this experiment: If you see a sad person in the street or your boyfriend is in a sad and unmotivated state, go and give him a big kiss, you will see how his mood changes instantly.
I know that we are good together, I know that we both love each other deepy, but we are in a rut and I dont know how to get out of it. I want to be that fun, care free girl that he fell in love with and stop harping on the little things that he does wrong, but its so hard when I am hurting so much. I would just like some advice on ways that I can get us to be closer again, and eliminate the drama from our relationship. We enjoy each others personalityies and sense of humor. We are wildly attracted to each other. We are best friends, I just dont know how we got to this point and I am desperate to get out of it.
I am sorry that is happening to you. As I read your story, I was compelled to tell you that you need to get out of that relationship. YOU deserve so much better and need to be treated with respect. Walk away. The first step is hard. You need to do this for you or you will be miserable… Trust me. Good luck in your decision but you do deserve a lot better.
Detach with love. Sometimes people are simply toxic by nature, a fact that often dawns on others around them only after time. Sometimes people refuse to take steps to make themselves feel better. As a result, sometimes you have to love them from a distance. This can be an intensely difficult decision, but sometimes it's the right one. Give yourself permission to entertain the thought and consider it seriously if consider it seriously you should.
I am going through a similar situation. I met my boyfriend 5 years ago right before my last year in college. We began texting and talking on the phone every single day non-stop! The chemistry was crazy! I had never experienced such a connection with anyone like that before. Long story short, we started an official relationship and were inseparable. After I graduated from college, we shortly moved in together with a goal of marriage in the near future. Once our daughter came, things got worse. There were arguments after arguments. Then I began to notice we were stuck in a cycle. A cycle of arguing for days at a time, then we would have a week or two of good terms. At the beginning of this year we were having a conversation about our futures. He told me marriage was in the near future. Now all of a sudden he tells me I’m not on his level, I’m not the one for him, and he doesn’t know if he wants to continue with me. I feel so numb. I’m hurt and don’t know what to do. Not only for myself but for our daughter. I often wonder what she would think if we did end our relationship. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
Hep.. 28 years and I fell like a stranger to my husband. I share my thoughts, worries, etc and he listens but never responds. It’s like I am forgotten, not importanty, not worth his attention. How do I fix it when I feel alone. I have no friends to share anything with. My children are adults and have their own issues. I am tired. I can’t fake it any longer. I am trying to find a way out
I will most certainly survive this. In retrospect, I am glad I owned up to my “affair” and let everything be known. On occasions, I might have regreted, but after her seeing her behavior after being cuaght, I am confident I did not make a mistake. Simply becuase there is nothing better than clear conciousness, knowing I did all that I could. Comparing that with her ridicoulus explanations for posting on numerous sites, constantly lying, pretending nothing happened. And, yes, there was not a single “sorry” from her in all this.
I like this inspirational article! My husband of almost 12 years of marriage, is has been having an affair for 3 years. I am devastated and hurting so bad. My husband told me that he is so unhappy and doesn’t like himself, life and me. Out of respect of my marriage and my promise to God, I stuck by my husband despite his constant lying, arrogance, rages, jealousy of me, meanness, convenient part time dad, disrespecting me to the point that his talk and actions are considered emotional and mental abuse. I know I did the best I could in our marriage! I do realize that my husband has to own his issues and they are not mind. God will get me through this, however I am hurting so bad!!
Background Information – He is ex-military but when we lived in Washington state, he went through some things. I tried to be understanding, even though I didn’t understand. He would sleep all day, play video games all night, and the only interaction we had was fighting over the kids. It came to a head one night and the fighting got a tiny bit physical. I’ve been in an extremely abusive relationship when I was in my early 20’s. I refuse to do it again. I contacted family services on base and we started counseling. It was mandatory for him. I have two teenage daughters from the marriage I was in previously, and my husband and I have a 3 year old son. Counseling was helping some. It was helping us learn how to communicate better. It was helping with exercises to calm down, things like that. He was removed from our house on base the first night and we were only allowed to see each other with military 1st SGT present. He was so angry all the time but I could tell he was trying. As soon as he thought I might leave, he seemed almost panic stricken. Before this, he would not speak to me for weeks as a time. If I tried to hug him, he would pull away from me and say things like he didn’t want to be touched right now. So, we went through the counseling, he got out of the military and we now live in Oklahoma. He has made so much progress but he drinks too much. I’ve tried to talk to him about it when he’s sober. I can almost see the switch flip from okay to better watch out mode. He will get aggressive, pick fights with the kids, be mean to the kids (which makes me feel like a rabid dog), he will be fine one minute and tell us the next to “Get out”. He growls like an animal when he gets this way.
Okay, so maybe you and your husband aren't experiencing any conflict. You aren't nagging him. You aren't arguing. Actually, come to think of it, you aren't doing much of anything — even getting it on. This might seem like no big deal, but couples coach Lesli Doares, host of Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning on Web Talk Radio, says this could spell trouble in paradise. "It isn't just that most men have a higher sex drive," she told me. "It's that this is a way for men to open up emotionally. Sex releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, so not being physical can create distance. It also can result in feelings of rejection which can lead to feeling unloved."