"When we think of communication, we think of talking," Astarte says. "That's not necessarily the case here." Plus, "talking" isn't just done with the mouth. "Communicating is done with our bodies as well as the vibes we send out to our partner," she reminds. "If you once had an in-joke or a couple ritual (e.g., Sunday coffee in bed) that has fallen away, it maybe time to raise the topic (lovingly) with your partner." Always, always with love.
I don’t know where you live, but one thing that helps women no matter where they are is a strong support network. Talk to the women in your life: your sister, mom, friends, neighbors, or even your husband’s family members if they’re open to you. The best way to figure out if you should leave your marriage (or just your husband’s family) is by reaching out for support in person. You might be able to stay with a friend or family member while you figure out if you should leave your marriage.
How To Respond When He’s Saying That He Loves You But Isn’t Happy:  First of all, do not get overly emotional.  Don’t question him in a way that sounds accusatory or implies that he’s mistaken because of his own selfishness or because he expects too much.  Make it very clear that his problems are your problems because you want for him to be happy in a very healthy marriage.  You both deserve nothing less.
Started out an amazing sex life. About 4 years ago we started having problems in general and fighting a lot. Well he lost his job and our relationship got better. A lot better. We started having fun together all the time. My husband and I have an amazing “working” relationship. We never really fight anymore. The problem comes in here. 3 years ago I started to notice our sex life slipping so I asked him what he thought we should work on. He said it was too much work to have sex. So I took all the work out for him. Time went on and he still never had intrest in having sex and always turning me down 6 months went by and I freaked out on him and he said let’s start grunge to have a baby. We had sex 5 times over 2 months and got pregnant. I begged him and asked why why why he never wants me during the pregnancy. He could never answer me. We have talked about this soooo many times. Now my son is 7 months old. About 3 months ago was our last conversation about our sex life and he said you are just so cold and you never will let me near you!
Hi. Me and my husband have only been married for a little over 2 years. I think I plunged in too quickly. We only have 1 child together and I have a child before he came along. I’m the one always doing everything. I only work part time. I do all of the cleaning around our house, taking the trash out, washing clothes, etc. he complains after work if the house isn’t up to par, but yet doesn’t put in any hand to help clean it. He complains about not having anything to wear, because he’s too lazy to wash his own clothes when they run out. Anytime I want to go hand out with my friends, it’s always a fight, and I end up not going. I never get to do anything. I’m bored sitting at home, so I play on Facebook, he complains about that. So I started reading books. He’s complaining about that now also. After reading 50 shades of grey, I’ve realized I don’t have that love feeling. I feel like I have more of a settlement agreement. We are only intimate with each other maybe once a month, and it’s my fault because that whole feeling is just not there anymore. I don’t have butterflies, I don’t get excited, nothing. I honestly feel that if he told me he wanted to divorce me right now, I’d laugh and say thank God. To me, the marriage is over pretty much. What do you think?
Even if your boyfriend sometimes talks badly about his mother, it doesn’t give you the right to say anything bad about her. If you don’t want to insult him, you’ll make sure you don’t cross the line with this. Instinctive feelings come up when anyone insults our mothers, and it’s not worth ruining a relationship just by saying a few cheap lines about her. Keep those feelings to yourself and you’ll keep him happy.
I feel broken. My heart into a million pieces my stomach turned inside out. My head throbbing my eyes wet and my face red. My heart thumps for the laughs we shared over silly things. I wish he would just try again. He said he fell out of love with me and I feel like I am abandoned left in the dark while he finds who he wants and I’m stuck. It’s easy to say these things to “make us women feel better” but the truth is that no one moves on from an ex they thought about a future with, it only fades. Will he want me back when he does what he wants? Will he text me one day and say “I miss you”, that’s the unknown. I’m pregnant with his child early on still and I have no idea what to do. Well I do but my heart wants another thing. He doesn’t want it he strongly goes against me going through with the pregnancy and I just want him to say “I need you and I will be here through everything” he said if this ever happened that he would love it and love me and our baby but I guess it was all a lie. I was there for him through anything he did, he never cheated or anything like that but I could tell we were growing apart. I hate starting over whenever that time comes. This has happened before with us but this time feels so real. He’s confused and tells me one thing and then the next couple days tells me another. He wants to talk to other people and have his old life back he described to me. I didn’t do anything wrong I was always there and I loved him through everything. It can’t just be all black and white. I hold back my tears because I don’t want to feel it. My sister and mom are different they tell me he’s not the one for me and just wanted something temporary they do not know I am pregnant, I am 17. I am not the temporary type of person and he said so many things to me just a month ago and then all of a sudden did this. Is there someone else? Did someone catch his eye? Am I not good enough? I just don’t understand
Did you just type, “He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated”? You need to dump that psycho before he breaks you.
This is what has been happening with me. I’ve been married for a little over a year my soon to be ex has only talked twice about our relationship issues and this is only after she left twice and we worked everything out. But that’s the only time she has talked to me about our relationship. She was never willing to talk but those two times. We have had many issues that needed to be talked about but she refuses she calls me every thing in the book and belittles me she will text me saying all this but refuses to sit down and talk about our issues. Example of her getting mad: I would ask her a question she would reply saying you’re an idiot why would you ask that you’re stupid and it was a simple question like do you still want to go town this weekend. One other example I was making supper I was cutting an onion she say why you cutting that onion like that I say that’s how I was taught she say that’s stupid you’re a moron. I have spoiled her I helped with cooking cleaning laundry do all the yard work but nothing is ever good enough and one minute she is all good and the next she is pissed over stupid things. She has left again my question is should I just say screw it and justhave nothing to do with her?
Thank you for this. I think that is my problem. I have looked for everything that is wrong. I am going to do my best to hold my high and just keep pushing until I can do better. I am just angry with myself for over looking the signs with I first started dating my husband. I guess I need to forgive myself for believing in him. For giving him the benefit of the doubt.
If you're hoping to build something long-term, it's important that you plan a little bit together or be willing to cooperate and remain flexible. If your partner discusses their own future and doesn't imagine you as part of it then they're probably not planning on building a future with you. This could mean marriage, kids, or even just your bucket list.
Encourage him to share his feelings with you if he tells you there isn't a problem with the relationship. Tell him what you've noticed in his behavior and ask what might be going on in his life you can help him with. If he has any issues and decides to be open about them, this will help ease your mind that the issues aren't with your relationship. All that will be left after that is to give him the space he needs to work through his issues and help him when he needs you.
Have you ever been spoken down to? How does it feel? Not good, right? If you think you are the smartest person since Einstein, and insult your boyfriend’s intelligence on a regular basis, even if it’s in a playful way, it really won’t make him happy. Often that is just our ego barking, needing to validate itself as being so great, but it actually makes us look arrogant and isolates us from people.
My husband has told me that in addition to not being happy anymore, he is "emotionally involved" with another woman. I know who the woman is and considered her a friend. (BTW- my husband is technically this woman's boss, they work together) He says he feels a connection to her that he has never felt before and can read her emotionally, and he can't do that to me. This woman feels the same towards my hubby and is divorcing her husband (I just found this out). He spoke of several events in our lives where I may not have been happy, or had sacrificed my happiness for his (In my opinion, anyway). I think he basically is trying to get me to be the bad guy. I told him that until he is happy with himself, we can't determine how our marriage will be affected. I am trying to get him to talk to somebody, on his own, as I am. If we are both happy with ourselves an our marriage is still not working, that's the time to look at the next steps.
As for myself, now I’m struggling with the sadness, anger and grief of ending a relationship. Sometimes in my darker moments I wonder why I and the relationship wasn’t “enough” to inspire my ex to seek out help and get better, but then I remember that even my own parent couldn’t get better for a long time, even with kids in the picture. That’s my lingering belief of “not being enough” rearing its head, I know. But deep down, I feel at peace that I broke my own pattern, that I stood for my own happiness, that I was honest with my own needs. Whatever decision Katie makes, I hope it leaves her with that deep sense of integrity and honoring herself.
My boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months woke up one day and told me he don’t want me anymore and that my kids and I need to move out. I gave up my apartment to start a life with my boyfriend. My daughters and I dropped everything and moved in with him because he was so good to us, and me and him was tired of staying in separate homes. On New Year’s Day he woke me up out my sleep and told me that he have issues he need to work on so he think I should go. I damn near begged him by telling him that I love all of his flaws and that I’m willing to stay with him while he get whatever help he needs but he still wanted me gone. So now I am here today still in his house with a broken heart walking around looking pitiful waiting for him to tell me that he didn’t mean what he said the other day. He don’t sleep in the bed with me anymore, the house no longer feels like home to me. I know I need to move out and give him his space but it’s so hard to let go of what I believe in my heart can be save. My mind is telling me to go and that I deserve better than how he’s been treating me this week. My heart and my feet won’t move. I plan on getting my kids some clothes packed tonight and going to stay with family until an apartment comes available for me. But it’s so hard to leave the person you in love with even when that person no longer give any care about you. I’m so hurt.
My husband and I have been together over 20 years, married for 16. We have a 6 year old son. A few days ago I clicked on one of his Instagram followers and saw a beautiful women who had a bunch of lingerie pictures posted. I noticed that my husband had “liked” every single one of them. This really struck a jealousy cord. He hasn’t even “liked” all of my Instagram pictures! I worked through the emotions of insecurity and actually read online about how I should tell him that it bothered me that he liked her pictures. Honestly I didn’t think he wanted to cheat or anything, it just hurt my feelings.

There are great women out there and great relationships that have been built. I feel that with the lack of time that is spent on each other in a relationship due to career interests and working all the time; marriage just dwindles down to staying together for our kids. Emotionally manipulative and to spend the rest of my life trying to figure the emotional puzzle out…no way. Life is way too short to live in misery and having to be attached to the opposite sex. I have to re-build myself again for I just have no interest in continuing on in this relationship. I don’t regret the time spent for there were good times. We rarely argued and were never verbally abusive. One thing I can state is that my wife is a controller and I just have had enough with being the 4th child in our Family. I don’t want to be married to my mother anymore:) I have lost an emotional attachment to my wife and I understand that it is important for her when it comes to a relationship that I just cannot provide.


I believe you Scott and I’m a woman. Mine won’t take meds or even go for counseling. He has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and living with him is a LIVING NIGHTMARE…NOTHING IS EVER GOID ENOUGH OR HIS FAULT…I CANT TAKE IT….AND THIS COMMUNICATING CRAP….YOU CANT COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE WHO LIES TO YOU AND THEN TELLS YOU THAT YOU MADE HIM DO IT!! HANG IN THERE AND TAKE HER MONEY AWAY…NO JOB…NO MONEY…SHE HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HER HANDS!
I left my boyfriend of 15 yrs because I thought I wanted more. I was completely wrong. I told him 3 months ago and he said he still loves me and wants to come back home bit he hasn’t yet. He lives with another girl because he needed somewhere to go. He’s at my house alot but not home. It kills me everyday to not know if I should give up or wait on him.
I’ve been in a relationship for three years now. I’m currently 19 years old. At 16 I fell in love with the most amazing man. In the months before we met I had been experimenting with drugs, ecstasy. I had become highly addicted (a couple pills a day). I needed help. At my rock bottom he saved me. I sobered up. Unfortunately, in the months following I started having extreme panic attacks, which I blame on my previous drug use. Due to this I was hospitalized. I wanted to die. I was put on Prozac for depression. But even through all that he remained my biggest fan. In the year following this things were wonderful. We’d talk for hours. Three months after my 18th birthday and four months after his 21st birthday we were married. We had a small wedding at my parents home. Sadly, one month after getting married the physical abuse started. He pushed me onto the floor then he’d throw things at me it quicky escalated from there. The break down of our relationship blame on the fact that I was working two jobs at the time I was at work an average of 13 hours a day. I was also a full time college student. He worked a hard labor job. We were always tired and never saw each other. At the time we were living at his dads house. Eventually I could not take it anymore. I moved out and we were separated for three months. During our “separation” we saw each other almost everyday. We remained intimate. Eventually we reconciled. We got an apartment together and everything was great. It felt like a fresh start. But before the ink was even dry on the contract I found out through his Facebook that he had been denying to random girls and old girlfriend that he was even married! He even went as far as to tell an ex he loved her and that if she would of still lived in our hometown he would married her instead of me. She in turn told him she didn’t care if he was married and sent naked pictures through email. I feel apart and packed my things. Somehow he convinced me to stay. During our separation I also turned to a guy that I had a past with. We had been friends through out the years and I wanted a man’s point of view on who was right and wrong on certain arguments that my husband and I have had. That’s was all. He developed feelings for me. Out of fear that my husband would think wrong of me I deleted all messages and denied everything. It was the worst decision I ever made. Eventually he found out and to this day he swears I had an affair. I DID NOT. After this our relationship went even further down hill. He started smoking meth. He has had this addiction for about six years. Which I thought was under controlled but obviously not. By this time we had been married ten months. He wasn’t sleeping at all. He became very paraniod and violent with me. One night he had me cornered in our kitchen. He was hitting me on the head. After months of abuse I finally had enough. He was wearing a shirt I had bought him. It was his favorite shirt. I decided I’d cut a hole in it so he could never wear it again. In the process I got a small cut on my hand and his. He slapped me harder then I had ever been hit in the face. Two minutes later the police was there. We both tried to down play each others involvement but it didn’t work. We were both arrested for domestic abuse. After bailing out I wanted to get help for him. We dropped our lives and moved to California with his mom. While we were out their we reconnected. He sobered up. Soon we moved back home. The problems and struggles of daily life got to us once again. We still haven’t been able to rebuilt any trust. At this time we have been married one year five months. The physical abuse is still going on. He is extremely remorseful after he hits me. We no longer sleep in the same bed, we are rarely intimate, we have as little communication as possible and he also refuses to delete naked pictures from his email! I dont know what to do I love this man. I feel that he is depressed. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I want to help him. I love him with all my heart and i know deep inside he is a great man. I feel that their is love for me as well in him. In my comment I know it seems I am placing all blame on him but I have many faults of my own. I’m not ready to give on my marriage I need advise! I do not have money to get professional help. Any comments welcomed.
four men came up on that porch expecting my husband to back down instead all four left on gurnys into the back of ambulances, my husband paced around for all of one minute after eliminating those men and looked like a caged tiger until the front door and frame landed on me ten minutes later his father slapped him for his attitude and was himself laid on the ground at a metro officers feet.
Hello! My husband and I will be married 18 years in May. I can honestly say that I don’t know if our marriage has ever been ideal, or a good marriage. My husband will admit that he is a very selfish person, as I know many men/women will say this, he will also tell you he has addictive behaviors, no drugs or alcohol,but gambling, and video games are his addictions. Our marriage,to me and some who are around us, will say is based solely on what my husbands wants/needs are. I have never been the first priority in his life, in my opinion. Example: When I was pregnant with our eldest child, I was working 12 hour days. He was home for a couple of weeks because his back was injured,but was medicated and fully capable. I came home from work with feet swollen and exhausted, and I just wanted to soak my feet. I walk in the door, and he comes out of his “man Cave” and asks me what is for dinner. I got a can of soup out slammed it on the counter and said there you go, and went for a walk. No he didn’t come after me. I was so angry that when I went back in the house I went to bed. He holed himself in his video games then and is still to this day. There are so many other times/examples of basically the same thing. We aren’t, and really have never had a truly intimate relationship…to me it seems like a chore to him. He freely admits this. At one time, about 10 yrs. ago he told me he didn’t find me attractive anymore because I was to fat. (I have now lost 50 lbs. and weigh just slightly more than I did in high school which was 154, that truly has no bearing on the situation in my opinion) It is not for lack of trying on my part, I have gone so far as texting things to him. I have been pushed away, he says the kids are home I don’t want them hearing, and many other reasons. I have thought, is he cheating, and even most recently is he not interested at all. He is now overweight, takes high blood pressure meds, and says he has no self confidence. He is not an active participant/husband but rather to me, it seems like I have another child. I have to ask him to help around the house, while he plays his video games usually 5-6 hours a night(this is an every day,every year occurrence) He is depressed, gambled a lot of money away that we don’t have, lost his father, and in my opinion, he feels he lost his mother as well. His mother has been a mother who loves him, but didn’t raise him to be a man/husband. She did everything for him, I just took over when we married. At counseling I brought up that he smokes in the house when I leave when I have asked him not to. The counselor asked him why he does this, is it like “mom” says don’t do it, so you do it anyway? he said yes. He told her the children don’t listen to me, and she said you don’t listen to her so why should they. You don’t think they children listen to her, but actions speak louder than words. Our children our great children, have very busy lives, and our great students…but they will tell you that there mother is not happy and they don’t like it. When he gambled I am the one who found ways to pay the debt, not him. He owns the fact that he gambled but has done nothing to render the situation. I feel instead of playing games for 5-6 hours, he should get another job to pay for it. When I say I have a husband who is more like a 44 year old child I truly mean it. I do everything from paying the bills to deciding what to have for dinner. He tells me he loves me, and I don’t doubt it. I think his love for me is in a motherly way and not a wifely way. He says my expectations are to high for him. The counselor said to him, you are just a big kid aren’t you…laughing he said yes…she said I think you need to think about what I just said. Your wife wants a husband and a partner, to be a couple, not a 44 yr. old child. My expectations are this..Be my husband, my partner, my co parent, my friend, something other than what he is and has been for a very long time.

i have been married for 3 years and we just recently seperated and i know its my fault. i couldnt let go of the fact that she lied to me about sleeping with someone even when i asked her before we got married if she need to tell me anything. when she told me last october what had happened i felt as if our marriage was false and i always threw it in her face. Now reality has set in and i would rather change my ways and get her back then to be mad at her for the past and be lonely but i dont know how she feels. Because from october untill she left we fought everyday and i know its my fault what should i do?
Ok, so i am the woman & I cheated! no excuses but I had a rough childhood, oldest & only girl helping a single drug addicted mother raise 3 lil boys! my mom paid me no attention, so i sought it elsewhere & became a teenage mom-like my mom! i have always tried hard to make my mom proud of me-well to no avail & i’m 34 now! well, my husband & i have been together 10 yrs, married for 4yrs & separated for the last 2, since i cheated!
Thank you ladies with sharing. I really felt supported reading your words and experiences. A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. He was very grouchy and negative most of the time. Sometimes it was directed at me, sometimes not. Initially I attributed it to his life circumstance….losing his job, reorganizing his life. I now think that is how he relates to his environment and I don’t think he will ever change. He is a Marine and maybe his exposure to that culture and the lifestyle contributed to his incompatible behavior and attitude. I recognized that continuing down that road with him would have been unhealthy for me. It already was. I tried in so many ways to support his struggle and just lost the interest in continuing. Despite my deep care for him, our dynamic became unbearable. The issues became undeniable when he was broke with nowhere to go and he started staying at my house, despite me expressing kindly that I didn’t want that because living together means more when it is intentional about a vision of relationship and less about being convenient. I couldn’t turn my back and by moving him in, we were forced into facing relationship issues sooner than we were ready. We totally broke what we had and it ended in a way I truly regret. BIG emotion and I kicked him out, which was damaging to him and damaging to me. I do not regret ending it, but I do regret ending it in such an abrupt and destructive way. I think my big message here is despite the pain that a partner’s moods cause, end it in a way that is respectful to both. We both deserve to be available for something more compatible ahead and a destructive ending makes the reinvention difficult.
I’ve forgiven him. I brought dysfunction in to this marriage also (codependency). I spent over 13years trying to change him (there’s the codep. in me lol) He’s a product of his childhood as am I. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less and doesn’t mean we have to stay in the marriage. I’m no longer angry or hurt. Nor do I feel shame or guilt for how I feel towards him now. Mentally I’ve made peace with what’s happened. I taught him how to treat me and I enabled him. But there’s simply been too much damage. I have no desire to even think about liking him. I’m investing all my energy on my recovery and attempting to help my 12yr old son learn healthy ways to deal with his negative emotions. I’ve got a long way to go. I continue to tell myself “progress not perfection”
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year, we don’t live together in the same place, we are in a long distance relationship. I don’t think my boyfriend wants me anymore. At first we used to meet every week, we were happy in love but now that love is gone he doesn’t want me to visit him. He is digging in my past n other people tells him lies about me especially male people, if I call him he is not answering my calls and if I don’t call him its a problem. My boyfriend accuses me of have an affair when he’s not around (which is not true). So I wonder if my boyfriend want to breakup with me or what because now its a long time since we saw each other again.Advice me please.
Men hate complaining so they are better off saying nothing at all. Perhaps he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or he hopes he’ll cope with his unhappiness alone. He keeps silent and looks thoughtful. Men tend to think over the current situation that bothers their mind. You may ask what`s going on but I bet he`ll not answer. Give him some time to put his thoughts in order and handle his problems on his own.

Sharing duties is important in a relationship, but only working is not what makes a relationship a good one. If you are in a relationship with a man, it is essential that you not only share responsibility with him but also some pleasures. House, work, children - all this can be overwhelming for both of you, so find a moment to spend it together. You can go to the restaurant, watch a movie or play a board game. Allow yourself once to take a break from thinking about all around and to spend some time only with yourself.
I have been married to my wife for 22 years this year. She and I have had a very up and down life together. she told me when we got married she wanted to stay home and raise children. I agreed. Now we have a 17 year old and a 9 year old. She has never had to work, and my job has been high stress and full of disappointments as I have strived to make enough for us to have the lifestyle we both say we want. I have been wrongfully terminated three times (proven in court). I have really struggled to rebuild my career but being in a public position has been very strenuous. As a longtime CEO and now private consultant in the public sector for the past 6 years my economic stress has been huge. I gained a 100 pounds over the years. So in 1999, my wife had an affair with a man, while I was working on the road to make enough money to take care of my family and find a way for us to relocate together. I was devastated. We did go to marriage counseling and our marriage survived this very hurtful situation. I found out she blamed me for the affair, saying our life had taken a toll on our emotionally and she thought she needed to jump ship to find economic security. I relocated us and then again to another state. So we reconnected and had our next little one. Now we have a second home in a well known lake community about 2 hours from our home. She over the past three to four years has taken to going there on her own because she is on a local talk show and says doing that gives her purpose and makes her happy. I usually have to stay behind and work and take care of the kids when she goes there. She gets no pay for the show, it is quite popular and she goes out usually when she is there with her local girlfriends some married, some divorced and some just barfly’s in their late 40’s looking to hook up and be told their sexy. She has gotten into several situations where either a friend has texted me seeing her out with the girls and other men and been suspicious and so on. I have told her repeatedly if you put yourself in these situations sooner or later something bad will happen that will affect us negatively. She thinks I don’t trust her and she loves to dance and have fun. She thinks I am being overly paranoid. She also says she has not been attracted to me because of my weight and that is what has been keeping us apart and less than intimate. She says she loves sex and she is always used to being the center of attention, she is still in great shape and gorgeous even at 49. She gets hit on all the time by men and she seems to enjoy the third party attention and affirmation of her sex appeal still. So then 6 months ago I find out she has been having another cyber affair over facebook and she hooked up with this guy in our lake town to have dinner and chat… she says nothing happened. He is the brother of one of her closets friends who comes over every week to have dinner with us as she just got divorced herself. Our two sons are friends and play baseball together. So I confronted her about all this and she just said, It was stupid I don’t want out of our marriage and she says she ended it. I even found a card he sent her where he said, he felt their meeting had brought them to a new level in their relationship. So I went on a diet and have lost about 50 pounds thus far. Things seemed better, then she went over to the lake house this past weekend with a married girlfriend that was visiting from out of town, who has been her friend since childhood. They went to the bar with the girls, my wife got so drunk she couldn’t drive and was talking to some 20 something man for a longtime and being very confrontational. She drinks at least a couple glasses of wine per day she says it keeps her sane in my high stress and uncertain world of finances. I got behind on our taxes after 2008 and dug a big hole and have been negotiating with the IRS to find a way to settle them. Being self-employed is hard to keep them current and pay for everything. Everytime I confront her about how her going out makes me feel really insecure she just says I am holding onto the past and that I think she is a whore and/or slut, and she has done nothing wrong. I wish I could believe her, but I just can’t get 100% comfortable with this lifestyle or trusting her again. She has broken my heart now two times. Somehow I still love her. I love our family and I don’t want to break it up. But this is killing me and she always places the blame on me for all circumstances and then says this is what gets her stressed out. I am just lost. I don’t know what I should do, or how I can get our relationship back on track or whether she really wants to do so. Everytime we fight she says after our son graduates we are over. That just makes my heart sink… then later she will come back and say, I was just mad, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want our marriage to end. But it happens again always and it did last night as well. This time I just said, “You created this situation, I am not willing to accept the blame for it, and I can see our attorney next week and end this if that is what you want?” Then she says I threatened to divorce her and it is my fault again. I can’t get her words out of my mind I am fat, she is not attracted to her and when we are intimate she has to hold her breath or she says I nearly crush her until she can’t breath. Now I am a big guy. 6’3″ and 280 pounds still and most women find me attractive. Even her girlfriends say they would kill to have her life. Many of them have told me that they think she is crazy to not be truly happy she has a kind, loving and caring man in her life that treats her like a queen and never berates her, or abuses her mentally or physically. I try to make everything our family needs come true… I work really hard, but I also attract a great deal of public detractors due to my public life by way of bloggers and web postings. I am a public speaker, author and public sector consultant engaged in negotiating deals between local governments and businesses that want to expand or relocate to a new area and create jobs. I have been doing this for 22 years since we first married. I don’t have any other knowledge of how to make enough to pay our bills. I feel trapped, confused and don’t know if my marriage is salvageable and/or whether I should keep trying. I have suggested that we go to a counselor again, but she says no, that is not what she needs. So, long story but I am totally at a loss for what direction I should choose.
You can do whatever you want. You really want to try that new restaurant, but your man said no. You’re crushed. If you were single, you could go whenever you wanted. You can seriously do whatever you want. Haven’t you ever noticed how happy some single women are? They don’t base their happiness on a man. They do what makes them happy and if a man is a part of their life great. If not, great.
I never believed in miracle until this happened to me recently and I am sharing this publicly with everyone because I know there are many people who might be in the same position I was and here it goes or any kind of difficulties, My wife has been separated from me for about 1 year plus and move in with another man while filing for divorce. Honestly I can't deny that I truly love, miss her and can't do without her in my life, I feel emptied after she left me and being away from her was not okay for me at all but to my luck . I was introduced to this man whom I was made to understand he can make my wife come back to me and continue to live the way we used to live together before, At first I have a very doubting mind but decided to give it a trial, I explained to this man about my wife, he did what he have to do and assured me my wife will be back to me within the next 7 days and to my surprise, I received a call from her on the third day and we are finally back together and moved in back with me on the fifth day and she dismissed the divorce in court and we are finally living happily back together. This man has really made a positive impact in my life and I have promised to promote and advertise his sense of humor about this and will surely help you out especially made to bring back your love who is with some one else, or who has left you and don’t want to be back to you and you can as well explain any form of problem or challenges you might be facing in life. You can get in touch with him via his email address puresolution4u@gmail.com or text him on (805) 317-6862 and I assure, you are going to praise me later, If you are facing any kind of difficulty, I oblige you to give this man a trial and you won't regret it.
Hello everyone my name is Grace Richman from USA,Am writing this article to appreciate the good work of DR IGBA that helped me recently to bring back my husband that left me for another woman for no reason for the past 3 years. After seeing a post of a woman on the internet testifying of how she was helped by DR IGBA . I also decided to contact him for help because all i wanted was for me to get my husband , happiness and to make sure that my child grows up with his father. Am happy today that Dr IGBA helped me and i can proudly say that my husband is now with me again and he is now in love with me like never before. Are you in need of any help in your relationship like getting back your man, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, winning of lotteries, herbal cure for sickness or job promotion E.T.C. Viewers reading my post that needs the help of DR IGBA should contact him now on his E-mail: igbaspellhome@yahoo.com ...
I have been struggling in my relationship for seven months. I have been in this relationship for almost three years common law and we have a 1.5 year old daighter. We each have a six year old from previous relationships as well. I know I’m settling. He’s brought major financial problems on this home – thankfully we have nothing joint in our finances so it was all in his name- but then I still have to overcompensate on the bills to make HIS half ends meet. He’s proven to be a pathological liar, after this long he still doesn’t accept my six year old son as his own- even though I have fully bonded with his six year old daughter, so much that I have a friendship with his ex. He goes through cycles of atleast 3 days a month where he won’t talk to me not even to respond in small talk- like I don’t exist and he plays mind games this entire time. He’s ripped me off $4000 and now he’s drug himself so far down he can’t really even cover his bills. I’ve almost left multiple times ( actually he’d be the one leaving cause he can’t afford this home) but keep giving him ” one more chance”. I’m not sure if I’m delusional thinking maybe one day he’ll come to the end of himself and grow up and that things will get better. But I’m finding mySelf feeling more trapped and unhappy. 90% of what has kept me here is my daughter I have with him . What do I do? How do I kick someone out that has nothing? How do I avoid being manipulated into giving him another chance ? How do I protect myself from his vindictiveness after I do end it ? Please, any advice will do. Of course there are so many other details but there isn’t enough time or space.

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Wedded bliss, it seems, belongs in story-books. But interestingly, the most recent statistics reveal that divorce rates in the UK are falling. A report by the Office for National Statistics shows the number of divorces in England and Wales in 2009 (the latest year published) was 113,949, a 6.4 per cent decrease since 2008, when there were 121,708 — and the lowest since 1974.
Unless your husband has given your real reason to not trust him, always give him the benefit of the doubt. Most likely you have been cheated on or hurt in a past relationship, but don't let that baggage follow you into your marriage. Don't snoop in his phone, check his email, or spy on him when he's out with his friends. Let him know that you trust him and he will do all that he can to ensure he does not break your trust.

There comes a point in every man's life when he realizes he is not going to save the world, cure cancer, win an Olympic gold medal, score with the insanely hot supermodel, be an astronaut. We see nothing but a downhill spiral and very little to show for it. Sure, we have a house, a wife, a couple of vehicles, some savings, and we are responsible adults. But, when we were younger we were told about all the things we were going to do. That stuck with us. We did not accomplish any of those things.
1. You want a partner who gets the joke. This is a non-negotiable. If you think you’re funny, you’d better be with someone who actually agrees with you. My former writing partner had a girlfriend who thought he was cute and smart, but didn’t find him funny at all. This drove him crazy, since he thought being funny was one of his most valued traits.

After making us spend our savings on him in rehab several times, taking him to school and dropping out (5 in total), going to prison and countless other miseries, us, our family decided to dump my brother and purge him out of our lives. We needed to do that for our own sanity. He started to affect our work, I for one would wake up and cry for hours. It was terrible his addiction to drugs and all. In the end he went to live far far away and after 4 long years of suffering not being able to buy food, live or anything he came and he was reformed. We all thought it was one of his silly apologies to get us to take him back only to go through the same cycle but this time he has changed after 10 years. He is back doing is A levels, the oldest in his class but next year he will go to uni and he has changed. We still do not believe it so we approach cautiously lest we get burnt again!

You describe a difficult situation. I don't think anyone can CONTROL their emotions but I'm convinced they can INFLUENCE them (by which I mean work to make them more positive—but not by simply deciding to make them more positive). All human beings have executive functions that can, most of the time, mute the effect of negative emotions on behavior (e.g., we can get angry but choose not to yell or hit).


One of the most important things to do here is to communicate with him. Invite him to share his feelings with you and be open to criticism. Remember, this is exactly what will help you to pinpoint what is needed right now. When communicating with your husband help him to feel at ease and know that he shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you about these things. Show him you’re in tune with his emotions, and you’re there to do what’s in your power.
My wife and I have been together for 3 years. We rushed into things (met and married within a year). We have a 2 year old and a child on the way. I’m concerned that we’re growing apart. Some background on her: She doesn’t have much of an education, comes from an impoverished and (extremely abusive) family, lacks a lot of motivation for even daily chores (picking up after oneself for instance), and relegates her time to being on the phone at the expense of properly caring for our child. When I met her, she worked hard to try and support her family (basically they light money on fire and can’t afford food b/c of mismanagement). After marriage, she’ll lay about the house making sure our “child is still alive” (she’ll plop the kid in front of the TV for MUCH longer than we agreed was healthy and nap much longer also to what we agreed upon. She’ll then lie about it). The home is largely neglected: cockroaches, flies, and mice don’t bother her (neither does mold, bacteria, or giant mounds of dirty laundry and stuff cluttering the floor. And this is with me picking up after myself –and our child when I have time–). Before people jump on my back, when we met she expressed her undying wish to be a stay-at-home mom more than anything in the world. I work two jobs to make that happen. I manage our funds, health, food, utilities and keep her up to date with it all as I’m teaching her how I’m managing money and such. She shows a lack of motivation to fully involve herself with our child, has a terrible habit of lying, no motivation to manage the house, and doesn’t really manage her own hygiene. Further, I feel like she just doesn’t care that much about it. This is compounded by stubbornness that eventually costs big bucks when she neglects her health and then she needs surgery or something costing us thousands rather than pennies if she kept up with herself.
"Time delays between the time you send a message or leave a voicemail seem to get longer when one of you is not as thrilled with the relationship as they once were," he says. If you're just super busy, or jet-setting, don't fret so much, he adds. "This doesn’t apply to those with jobs or travel that make regular conversations difficult, but you can definitely tell when a pattern of detachment is beginning." Time for a chat.
In my 20's I married two separate times (with the prerequisite of no children desired) and had my husbands "kid clocks" go off...it ruined our marriages. Their resentment toward me was overwhelming. We went to counseling, one became violent. I divorced each and they went on to have 1 child each. We are still on good terms and although it hurt I have no regrets.
Where and how do you start getting healthy and letting go? You try different things until you find what works for you. Maybe a marriage counseling program will help. Maybe you need to do something, such as changing your life — perhaps by moving to a different city, traveling, or getting individual counseling. Some people find physical spa treatments helpful, or alternative therapies such as reiki or energy healing.
At this moment, I am still ready to move on, but again, the fault is mine!! “If you want to stay with me it is OK, otherwise I can’t stop you from leaving” are the actual words”. It is difficult to equalize the things we did to each other, but I cannot forgive her now only to plot how to hurt her bad down the road. This is what she did to me. In her defence for my presenting the evidence, my “affair” constantly came up. She still refuses therapy and I am at a breaking point. She still claims she has not done anything wrong and I guess according to Laurie’s article this smells like the end. I refuse to believe that, but I guess it is a matter of time before more truth smacks me in the face and wakes me up from this illusion that I live in.
Whether it snuck up on you over the course of a few years, or it dawned on you suddenly one night, I have to say — it's great that you noticed. Not everyone picks up on problems in their relationship, or takes the time to assess the situation. Even your partner might not realize they're projecting negative vibes, or that they're unhappy. So consider it a step in the right direction that you've realized something's wrong.

@HappyInMarriage I, too am young in my marriage (3 yrs) and have lots of “broken families” in my family tree. But unlike you and many other people who think marriage should always be “saved”, I think the most important thing is the QUALITY of the relationship. My parents have a better quality relationship when they are apart, and I was relieved when they divorced. Not only that, I have many extra siblings from new marriages they formed who mean the world to me and have a much larger family because of all the “broken” marriages. People change, make mistakes, etc and who are you or anyone else to tell people that you know what is best for them and their family? Sometimes staying together is not the best option for the health of the relationship. Sometimes a “broken” marriage can lead to greater joy in the family and new relationships and a bigger family.
Funny that I had the same question and my name is Katie. But I refuse to accept the answer. My boyfriend and I are a perfect match. But just because he has a diagnosed mood disorder, I should drop him? No. That is selfish. After being with my boyfriend for 3+ years, he gone from constantly miserable to having the occassional cruddy day. He saw how his behavoir affected me, yet I didn’t just leave. Now he tries to better himself and fight through his bipolar and depression because he hates hurting people. Especially me.
I read through your article and it stands out for me amoungst the others I’ve read. My husband is a good man, doesn’t cheat, and he still loves me, but I don’t love him. We have been married for almost 2 years and together for 4. We got married when I was 18 and he was 23, so we are 20 and 25 now. I think we just got married way too young and I see that now. I felt love for him after we first started dating, but I think I was in love with the idea of him and marriage and I wasn’t actually ever in love with him. I find myself constantly asking myself “Why did I get married?” and I also find myself entertaining the idea of an affair. We have stopped being intimate. When we were intimate, I rarely felt anything. He is such a good man, and I do still care for him very much, but its not in the way a wife should care for he husband. I have no idea what to do. I try to explain to him that I am unhappy in our relationship and I no longer want the same things that I used to and it goes in one ear and out the other. He loves me very much, this I know, so I’m afraid of hurting him to the point where he will never find happiness again. Yes, I know, I’m very young, but this is one of the many things that has gone into the ruin of my marriage. Please help me. Thank you.

I see also that you have only been married for 5 years! A lot of the posts on this thread are from marriages over 15 years (mine included) – I hate to burst your bubble @happy in marriage, but I was also happily married just 5 years in. Lets hope you can hold onto your perfect life over the next decade as well. but honestly, before you come parading your smugness, on a thread that is full of real people’s pain – just stop to think for a moment. NONE of theses marriages started off wrong, they were all just as perfect as yours in the begining.

"People often think about the status of their relationship and where it's headed at the beginning of the relationship, but those conversations shouldn't stop. Not being on the same page when you're committed or married leads to unhappiness and divorce. Marriage is a big job. Don't say 'We'll figure it out later.' Later means never or when it's too late." —Darius Russin, M.D., M.B.A.
Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We’ve always been having ups and downs but always come out on the other side. I think he is an amazing person and I admire him a lot. We both have very strong personalities and this is really our first adult relationship. I’ve grown to love him. A lot. In spite of all our issues. I wouldn’t want him out of my life. Since recently he’s been miserable to me. Always agitated and frustrated. When I confronted him about it he said hes hurt by all our arguments and he sees that when he looks at me. This makes me very sad. I work with him and I can’t imagine going to work everyday and working side by side with him and he feels this way. He said he feels like he’s in relationship with someone he doesn’t want… I don’t know him like this and I have no clue what to do. I want to save my relationship and help him to forgive me. I do love him. And I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know if I’ve been my best and fairest with him. And I feel guilty when I know I’ve hurt him. I’ve loved the life I’ve had with him and I truly can’t stand to see him miserable. I want to do something about it. I treasure him and I want to build back our relationship. Please help me
So, you need to figure out if you’re just going through the normal ups and downs of marriage…or if you’re truly not in love with him. How do you do that? You could try individual counseling, couples therapy, or even Mort Fertel’s “alternative to therapy” (a friend of mine LOVES how Fertel coaches marriages — his ad is at the end of my article above).
Wedding vows are nothing but a joke. There are no more “in good and bad times” or the “in good and bad health” anymore. I feel that being married is nothing but a complete joke from my perception and experience. I guess you have to be a really good sales person in order to have a good relationship today. Bottom line is that we are all made to be single thinking human beings in the first place. Yeah, it is a swell idea to meet someone…get married…spit out a couple of pups…work yourself to death…spend less and less time with each other…grow apart…stop communicating…goto a gosh forsaken counselor…and as a result…yeah.
What about those that married and dreamed to have children and 4 years into the marriage you find out your wife will not be able to bear any of your children because of medical reasons and she has one of her own who is a teenager (girl) living in the household. The wife is not up for adopting and now she is like if you decide to leave she will understand because she has a child from a previous marriage and she understands a bond that a parent has and the father may never get to have that. The father can't stand to watch anything on TV where a family has a child or movies that reference a family with kids on it for awhile because he believes their lives are filled with so much happiness of taking care of a kid of their own blood. So...what... stay or leave.

But if you look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, possessions are at the bottom. We need certain things to survive - food, shelter, clothing, but after that possessions don't actually increase the meaningfulness of our lives, and we need to start looking elsewhere: friendships, intimacy, and goals that serve a greater good beyond our own self interest.

June 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm I know how you feel. I have been married almost 28yrs to my highschool sweatheart and just yesterday came to the end of my rope and told him to move out. He has changed so much over the past few months that i just could take anymore. Our daughter (27 and 19) and i have begged him to get help but he just won’t. He has lost almost 50 pounds (not in a healthy way), is buying hipster clothes, walks around in a daze and goes from jekyl to hyde in a flash. We can’t decide if he is having severe depression with mania or simply a midlife crisis. I’ve tried talking to him and it’s always the same “I don’t know” answer for everything. He does say he still loves me and is still in love with me but we don’t communicate at all. I told him I feel like I am married with a husband but am all alone and he said “but i’m here all the time”. Well his body is but he’s not and i told him so and again just silence with the hands in the air. He no longer states how miserable he is only that he doesn’t know anything (what he’s doing, what he wants, etc). So after months of trying and crying I’ve decided it’s up to him. One of our cat’s just died, my 80yr old mother has probable cancer again and I struggle with bipolar and diabetes (insulin pump) myself. Needless to say I have enough on my plate and I can honestly say I tried! During a six week therapy course we were told about co-dependent relationships. This may or may not apply, but you don’t go down on a sinking ship. Sometimes, In my case (since I see a therapist and take meds) it was a matter of saying to my husband “I’m riding the train to wellness, your welcome to come along, if not, have a nice life”.


This article is dedicated to the Doctor Osemu Okpamen. I have been married with my wife for 5 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Doctor called Osemu Okpamen. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I had faith in everything he told me. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures impotence, bareness, diseases such as HIV/AID E.T.C. You can contact him via email at { Doctorokpamenspelltemple@yahoo.com } or call me for more info +1 (914)-517-3229.

Unfortunately, too many women I know get married and somehow, perhaps unconsciously, expect their husbands to make them happy. When things get hard — and they always do — rather than looking inward at where they may be at fault, too many women point the finger toward their partners. They blame him (or her) for the problems in their relationship. “If he would just pay more attention to me our marriage would be great!” or “If she would just help more around the house, things would be so much better.”
In some of the comments, women have been very negative. The article states men are wired deferantly. When a man does something good, thank him, tell him IN SIMPLE WORDS, with a smile, how much you appreciate or love whatever he did. IE... When he does take a shower, hug him up look him in the eyes and tell him how good he smells, how you love when he's smelling all fresh and clean. If you tell a man what pleases you, he will do it again!
I agree with Esther Perel on one thing: we do need to receive fulfillment from our daily lives, or else we end up unhappy. But the remedy isn't for us to go from person to person looking for the next high.  There’s no way another human being can bring us complete happiness; they're just as flawed as we are! God intends for us to find fulfillment in living a life of intimate communion with Him.
As you've described her (and this isn't necessarily true for everyone who suffers from mental illness), your mom seems capable of appropriate behavior in the right circumstances and therefore is responsible for her behavior. My suggestion is that you and your family examine the attitudes you display about your expectations for her behavior. I suspect, based on your description, that you're all enabling bad behavior on her part. When you stand up and demand, via your actions, good behavior, if a person is capable of delivering it, they often do. You might find this link helpful: http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/10/18/how-to-communicate-with-your-life/
I’m the type of person to over-analyze and question everything in life. I realize I cannot change my boyfriend’s sense of humor. I’m not getting any younger and hate the thought of breaking off an otherwise great relationship. The stress on me from constantly questioning a future decision to marry my boyfriend is not helpful toward furthering what could be an amazing relationship. How do I find a way to shake this nagging feeling that marrying him may be a wrong decision because of our humor gap? Or is this difference in our senses of humor a deal breaker? Thank you for a new perspective. –Kelly
We travel a lot - or did before the birth of our little one, and at the beginning, all was well with the world, but now, for a couple of days before the flights, he starts getting antsy and talking about how much he hates flying. He often says things just on the edge of hearing, under his breath, but things that make me flush with embarrassment with their negativity or derogatory manner about flight attendants, etc. On our last flight, he was simply angry before we ever made it to the airport and was gruff and his eyebrows were furrowed and seemed defensive. We got our boarding passes. He said, I just hate flying. I asked him why he was so upset, when everything had gone wonderfully in my mind. He told me things always go wrong - - - This is NOT the perspective or attitude I want for my daughter. I don't want her to hate flying before we even get into the air.

It may be time to accept that he can’t love you the way you want to be loved. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship with you. It’s harsh, but he texted or told you that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. He doesn’t love you, and you have to accept that he is not the one for you. If your boyfriend doesn’t have love for you in his heart, you have to allow him to have his true feelings. You have to accept your relationship, and be honest about your future. It hurts, but it’s the best way to move forward with a boyfriend who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved.


When you first started dating, your partner thought everything you did was adorable (or at least tolerable), but now you can’t even breathe without them nitpicking you. Yeah, chances are your partner is just generally unhappy in the relationship and are taking it out on you. Carlyle Jansen, author of Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms, told Bustle that this may be the way they are expressing their unhappiness without having to do it directly. "It could also be a more general unhappiness or work dissatisfaction, but I find that if someone is more cranky about the partner's behavior than other life circumstances, that is a good indication of them being unhappy in the relationship,” she says.
I feel as if I'm walking on egg shells, trying not to anger him or make him more unhappy - I'm always filtering what I say before I say it (it was a really big struggle for me to tell him out loud that I was going to counseling)...I don't want our daughter to filter what she says, or try to make him happy all the time as well, since I know it is unhealthy. The other day, he came home from work and asked her to give him a hug - he stood by the door. She started walking toward him, all happy and ready to give a hug, but she got interested in the vacuum cleaner and he said, daddy's not interested in the vacuum cleaner. You need to come over and give me a hug. Daddy's been at work all day and wants a hug. - - - I reminded him that she's a toddler and she
I don’t know if it’s a sign your marriage is over, for many reasons. First, only you and your spouse can make this decision! Second, some married couples vacation separately and say it’s what keeps their marriage healthy and happy. Third, does your wife even want to vacation with you? Maybe she doesn’t enjoy it either! And fourth, how is your marriage outside of your vacations? If you’re both happy with your relationship all the time except for when you’re on holidays, then maybe it’s just one of those quirky things in your relationship.
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hi, quick and to the point. My wife is 27 and I am 42. She likes to go out and party with her model friends but does not really want me there with her. I dont have many friends outside of her and her friends, so i feel left out and alienated. I have been out with her recently and she gives me the cold ahoulder and laughs and looks at guys with her friends in front of me which made me really angry one night. She was angry back saying she did nothing wrong and that I was to possessive and kept her in “jail” When I say we should split she says “fine…if that is what you want lets do it” which is not what I want to hear. I have A lot of money more than 5,000,000 in assets but absolutely no self confidence because she is a model type and I am a little overweight. I told her I would need her to rebuild my confidence up by being really nice then I would be confident enough to let her go out without me, It is a mess because we have a 4 year old boy. Should I leave? or make her leave? I have nannys and housekeepers in my employ already.


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He told me during the "talk" that he is afraid to introduce anything new or spontaneous into our reltionship because he can't know how I will react. I might get angry or resent him for offering advice or being better at something than I am. I tried to tell him that he can't assume things like that, and to call me out when my reactio is unwarrented, but he shuts down and then feels guilty for bringing it up to begin with.
Thank you ladies with sharing. I really felt supported reading your words and experiences. A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. He was very grouchy and negative most of the time. Sometimes it was directed at me, sometimes not. Initially I attributed it to his life circumstance….losing his job, reorganizing his life. I now think that is how he relates to his environment and I don’t think he will ever change. He is a Marine and maybe his exposure to that culture and the lifestyle contributed to his incompatible behavior and attitude. I recognized that continuing down that road with him would have been unhealthy for me. It already was. I tried in so many ways to support his struggle and just lost the interest in continuing. Despite my deep care for him, our dynamic became unbearable. The issues became undeniable when he was broke with nowhere to go and he started staying at my house, despite me expressing kindly that I didn’t want that because living together means more when it is intentional about a vision of relationship and less about being convenient. I couldn’t turn my back and by moving him in, we were forced into facing relationship issues sooner than we were ready. We totally broke what we had and it ended in a way I truly regret. BIG emotion and I kicked him out, which was damaging to him and damaging to me. I do not regret ending it, but I do regret ending it in such an abrupt and destructive way. I think my big message here is despite the pain that a partner’s moods cause, end it in a way that is respectful to both. We both deserve to be available for something more compatible ahead and a destructive ending makes the reinvention difficult.

This wasn’t the man for you. He was an experience, a chapter of your life. How do I know he’s not the man for you? Because he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Because you’re searching for tips on what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t love you anymore. He told you he’s not the man for you, maybe with words or maybe with actions. Maybe he told other people he’s finished with you. You need to listen to him, believe him, and let him go.
Loyalty to your partner is a tricky issue, especially when they show weakness. Humans are not so far removed from the laws of the jungle. The best I can say is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Don’t be a self sacrificing altruist if that is not who you are or who you present yourself to be. That should lessen the guilt. That said, I’d feel depressed if I abandoned someone like that. And later in life, if I were to fall into similiar circumstances, I might  experience an intense insecurity or paranoia about having my partner do that to me. It might add to my moodiness, further exacerbating the situation until the prophecy is self fulfilled. That would be karma transmitting my suffering. We live in a society. We share the consequences of everyone’s actions. I don’t understand it when people say that happiness is an individual responsibility.
I have a moody boyfriend, and it seems that just about anything negative that happens in his life can get him in a bad mood. He doesn’t get mean, or anything scary. He just backs away, and stays there, sometimes for days.  Sometimes I just ignore it, go about my business, and wait for him to re-emerge. But other times, it affects me negatively, like when we have plans and he now “doesn’t feel up to it”.
If a coupon still cares about each other, it should not be that hard to talk and follow thru. She does spend some money like 200-400 for food and kids’ pocket money but it is not enough to cover our expenses as I had explained to her but she didn’t care. I asked her what will happen to my kid in college if I lose a job, and she just said just wait until that happens as it is a long term thing (basically no need to build college fund) which I think is very short-sighted. She simply doesn’t want to help out the family and want to send money oversea for her new home project. I feels that she is very selfish and possibly plan to move back soon and leave the kids with me?? as she expressed on one sense that she should quick her job and move back so she didn’t have to deal with me and other financial requirements.

Thank you all with the replys they are so encouraging. My live in boy friend of 6 years just told me about a week ago that he is Not happy anymore and we are not going anywhere. So I’ve been wondering why is he still here. And is this just something that will pass. I’m confused as to why he is still here. I know He is Not cheating. I work I pay bills I cook when I’m not too tired from work I clean do laundry so I know its not me..


"Sex can be a major source of unhappiness in a marriage. Married folks often make the mistake of having sex only in bed in their bedroom, which turns it into a very routine and monotonous act. They can also often blame each other for being different in bed. But I find that different sexual personalities make the best couples. Instead of getting frustrated, they need to put things in perspective and work together to find a solution that makes them both happy." —Svetlana Kogan, M.D.
Life does not revolve around one’s self. The pursuit of your own happiness could be selfish if you cannot confess to yourself that you, as a human, will never be perfect. Picking at petty likes and dislikes in a partner is silly and frankly your looking for reasons to be unhappy. Count your blessings, not your burdens. I love that my partner has her own likes, her own talents, her own music, her own routine. Because I fully support who she is, everything she is. And if one day she decides she no longer wants to be with me, all she has to do is be honest and tell me to my face. I would let her go. In the end arguing and pointing fingers is just smashing the whole idea of marriage anyway. In my opinion marriage is overrated. I would never want my parnter to feel like she is bound to me. Because we are born free and we die free. If someone cheated on you, its a favor. Live your life and move on. I would never cheat on my partner, hurt her, yell at her, make her feel insignificant, simply because I dont want to go out of my way to hurt the persons feelings I vowed my life to. I would take a bullet for her, and I wouldnt ever hold it against her if she wouldnt do the same for me. We are all individuals, who desire specific things, emotions, reactions. If my partner is being distant, depressed, sad, I gladly lift her chin and do what I can to make it better. Dont lie to yourselves, or your parnter. You know if the love is there. If its not, you will only cause pain to others because of your inability to face up. Nothing in a relationship is easy. Though nothing in life is easy. When the going gets tough in life do you end it? The bond two people can share in this life is amazing. I have had a tough road with my partner for our own reasons, but I gave up all my wants, all my needs to serve my partner when she needed me most. The outcome is a strong bond that no one can shake. I am writing this in hopes that maybe one person will read this and get something from it. I am far from perfect. But the first person I point fingers at when a problem arises is myself. Only when there are no skeletons in your own closet can you truly judge what a partner is right and wrong for doing.
This was so good for me to read. My now ex-boyfriend and I had just over two wonderful years together, and we really did think we were going to spend our lives together. We had discussed marriage and kids; we had real intimacy, warm companionship, trust and that nice, easygoing sense of partnership with one another. Then he began to get “moody” as he hit certain bumps in life — which escalated into a depression that went well beyond our relationship. Like Katie’s boyfriend, he isolated himself and pushed me and his friends and loved ones away. He stopped doing things that made him happier; he sort of just atrophied in his life. He said being with people and making plans felt like “a chore,” and that aspiring to hopes and dreams felt “futile.” And like Katie’s boyfriend, he thought his feelings and outlook were beyond his control, no matter how much we talked or discussed. That’s when I realized I had to walk, because ultimately I believe that taking responsibility for your own fulfillment and happiness is key to a successful life (and relationship!)
I am one of those people to whom lack of a sense of humor is an absolute deal-breaker. But it doesn’t have to be my exact kind of humor, or my family’s kind of humor. What I won’t compromise on, though, is the man’s ability to laugh at himself and at whatever life throws at us. Without this ability, he’ll fall apart on me at the first sign of difficulties. I dated one unfunny guy, shortly after my divorce. He was opinionated and had anger issues. I guess when you cannot laugh at things, you have to compensate for it in other ways, i.e. by yelling at them. To paint you a picture, once we were out at a restaurant, and he got quite agitated because, wait for this, Billy Joel had married Christie Brinkley for her looks, then dumped her for a younger woman when she got old. He was angry! He was shouting. People stared. We didn’t last very long. He wanted to be exclusive, but I just couldn’t do it. He was okay in other regards, decent looks, similar tastes in art, same politics and religion, good education, good income, responsible father, you name it. But because he found absolutely nothing in life funny, it was impossible for me to date that guy. Life can get pretty damn horrible at times, and, if you cannot laugh at it, you’ll make things even more horrible both for yourself and for those around you. This is where I draw the line, humor-wise. He doesn’t have to be a top-rated comedian, though. We can go see a top-rated comedian together if we want to.

I read your article, I understand that no one can tell me when I’ve had enough. But Iam 38 , with 5 kids. I have a 20 year old son who is expecting his 1st, with his gf, I have 13 year old triplet daughters, and a 12 year old son. My husband and I have been married 16 years, he has also been “married ” to the military for 17 years. We are an active duty family. Yes I say we, I’ve watched him pack up for 6 different deployments, some almost broke his soul. Anyway… the loves not there. I reach out to touch him, and he dosent return the favor, we used to snuggle in bed, when one person would move or shift, the other followed, now I usually sleep with a body pillow so I can have comfort. I need help or get sick, I have to do it alone, it was one thing when he couldn’t be here, but now he chooses not to be. He says basically that everything that happens, is my fault. I look at this man, and it’s not just the children I gave him, or saving his life a few times, but everything he took, stole, robbed and broke me of. I try to hold on, part of me dosent want to be in that 78% marriage fail rate, or the fact if we fail, did I f*$k up? But Iam tired. Lonely. Dissapointed. Lost. Hurt and angry. Where did I get so weak. How can I hold on for just a few more years till our kids are out of the house. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.


my husband when he came out of his cave came out like a grizzly bear willing to tear heads off when he was not allowed to have his way over time off , job choice and shift choice by seniority I have seen him break a mans back against a light pole because he was hounding my husband to work a fourth eight hour shift inhis place and let the man take us to a concert, I have seen my husband talking to four men about pulling his bid and when they said he could either go in under his own power and remove his bid or they would carry him in and the result would be the same he would remove his bid, My husbands answer was to grin and tell them to take whoever was whose wife , he could not tell the relationship or the way it worked with gay men and they could get off his porch, off his property and out of his face or he would kill them where they stood, then when the county commissioners son took the bait and the first swing it gave my husband all the rea, My husband paced around for onewson he needed to leave all four in bad condition heading for a trauma care to be placed in a critical care unit.
The question of how to make your husband happy obviously isn't an easy one to answer. It's going to differ from person to person. You need to begin by trying to determine what it is that is at the root of his sadness. Obviously talking with him is the route to take but you need to be mindful of how you approach this subject. Simply sitting down with your spouse and asking him point blank why he's sad, isn't the best way. He'll likely tell you that he's fine and won't share anything with you. The reason men do this is quite simple. They don't like emotional confrontations and if part of their discontent is connected to you, they know that you'll react strongly. That's why you need to be more approachable, and understanding when it comes to sharing feelings. Show your husband that you want to be accepting and helpful. When he does share small details about his day with you, don't take offense if they involve you. Listen attentively and then tell him that you're grateful he was so honest and that you want to learn from your mistakes.
He told me he has incredibly high expectations for the world and the world simply doesn't meet them. He feels that he needs to hold people accountable to higher expectations and believes the world is "dumbing down", going to a more mediocre way of thinking. After he said that, I asked him why he doesn't change his expectations, if he knows no one will live up to them, wouldn't having lower expectations and having people meet them make him happier? He told me perhaps, but he is unwilling to do that because then the world would win, and he wouldn't be keeping his beliefs. Aaargh!

So I met my husband in September we married in January after knowing each other for a very long time. At the start it was amazing touchy Feely all over each other never wanting to be too far from each other intimacy was amazing we have been married 6 months and I'm not happy his phone is more important than coming to bed at night with me might get to me between 2 and 4am our sex had stopped he hadn't touched me since February he goes to work comes home and on his phone his phone is his best friend I tried yo tell him when we first got married to at least put it down to have our time and then things got worse. He thinks it's all me and not talking about it but I dong want to be a bitch and start cursing at him I have no idea what to do he's in it forever and we'll I'm not I feel lonely trapped and don't like being married can anyone help me
Last night we went out and really didn’t drink much at all. I was clear and sober through the entire night, and I thought he was too. We went to a couple of bars, had one drink at each, and moved on. When we got to the last one, my husband decided that we should have a shot of something, but I am not sure what it was, I was busy loading the jutebox with Christmas music. After the shot, I got a mild buzz, so I figured he did too. We left the bar and walked toward home. On the way home, it happened again. He started screaming at me about something having to do with my son and I walked away. I had no interest in another fight. He yelled at me to get out of his house and that I was not taking my son. I yelled back at him not to worry, I would and as he has no rights to my child, I would be taking him with me. My son, by the way, was at hhis grandmothers house, where he goes every Thursday and every other weekend for visitation with his grandparents and his father. My husband ran up behind me, grabbed me by my hair, and dragged me about a half a block back, telling me that I was not going back to the house, I was not welcome. He did this twice. Being that I was now in pain, I screamed for help both times, to which he replied that there was noone to help me. I called his sister, whose house it is that we lived at. By this point I was hysterical. When he realized who I called, he cussed at me and stormed off toward the house. I started walking the other direction, with the idea in my head that I would walk the 15 miles it was to my son’s grandmother’s house and sleep in the boat she has on the lawn. My sister-in-law came and picked me up, taking me back to her house. She told me to go to bed and lock the door, he would sleep on the couch. Now it is morning, he is alseep on the couch, and I am still angry that he had the nerve to threaten my relationship with my child. I am also a little scared, he had never put his hands on me before. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.
well me and my husband dated for 4 years before we got married and once we ,arried after a few months he told me he cheated on me with a girl in the same complex his uncle lived in where he stayed weekends drinking ect well i felt he trapped me because id never of married him had he told me before i took my vows well we talked it out even though it hurt me bad we worked through all of it and were doing good well now he is finding every reason to always be gone out walking or at his uncles house he smokes behind my back then lies about it and we fight all the time because of his lies i got married so we can spend time with him share a life but how can you do that when he finds a million reasons to be gone every day it hurts me and i have told him but he says oh im doing better im staying home more now uh no ur not but you cant tell him nothing cuz he is always right and he has bipolar so he flips out on me and a small arguement turns into us fighting physically i finally told him we can fix this ill get a apartment for me and my son and move on because i can sit alone all day by myself i dont need him with me to do that so i am truly feeling at a loss just not sure what to do any more
My bf’s moodiness came out after 3 months. I was shocked thinking “what is this? ?”. Then it happened more and more often. Walking on eggshells. .he does go to therapy but unfortunately I don’t think it works. He had a traumatic childhood. He acknowledges he’s depressed and takes medication but he will not admit to being moody. I’m so happy go lucky and laid back that at first I just thought I could pull him out of his moods no problem. But after a while it became exhausting and I realized this was his job not mine. It’s tough-never really goes away. I do love him but if I had known this from the beginning I’d have moved on. Also he wants me with him 24/7. So giving him space doesn’t even work.

I don't think that you're suggestions are going to be too popular....we have a throw away society. Anything that doesn't fit or work as expected is junked right away and replaced, relationships included. And taking kids into account? Forget about it! It seems like they are the very last ones to be thought of by a party seeking divorce, thought that could only just that, a seeming. People in our culture are taught to be very self-centered now-a-days, that ones personal happiness is all that counts.
I don’t know if it’s a sign your marriage is over, for many reasons. First, only you and your spouse can make this decision! Second, some married couples vacation separately and say it’s what keeps their marriage healthy and happy. Third, does your wife even want to vacation with you? Maybe she doesn’t enjoy it either! And fourth, how is your marriage outside of your vacations? If you’re both happy with your relationship all the time except for when you’re on holidays, then maybe it’s just one of those quirky things in your relationship.
Look for signs your boyfriend isn't happy. These signs include a sudden lack of interest in intimacy, frequent desire to be alone, inattentiveness toward you, insensitivity to your feelings, or frequently engaging in activities without you. These may be signs of something else going on in his life, but they are likely signs his feelings for you are changing.

So I just recently found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend is freaking out over the situation, he keeps saying it's not a good time (It's never a good time to have a baby) and he doesn't want me to keep it. I've tried talking to him, but it usually turns into an argument. I haven't told my family I'm pregnant yet so I dont really have anyone else to vent to about this.
You mentioned someone going through a period of suffering in their life that they need time to get through (so this suffering is not permanent) and individuals who might have frequent dips in mood. I have a question about individuals who have a condition they have been affected by for a long time and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life. My mother has had what appears to me to be borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder for the past 23 years since I was born. How much responsibility is placed on the person for their behavior who has difficulty controlling their moods? My mother can obviously control her behavior around strangers (maybe she is around strangers in times of better mood), but I see her take out her emotions, problems, aggressions in private on her caregivers (my grandfather and grandmother). She is not able to take responsibility for her actions at all and is not expected to by her caregivers. Is this appropriate? Is it appropriate to forgive her behavior in every instance? Or to hold her accountable for her actions? Should her rude behavior, explosive emotions, inability to listen be excused as something she has no control over? Or should the person be held accountable for certain aspects of her behavior? This is difficult for me to deal with because my emotions in response to her behavior when I am around her get discounted by my grandparents because they use the model where she "is not able to control herself at all so she must be forgiven in all circumstances". Is this model of forgiving every circumstance appropriate? Thank your for your response.
Great article Steve, one of the best I have read so far on GMP. It applies to more than just marriages, it includes all depending on others for happiness. One of the consequences that can flow from going the change route to be responsible for your own happiness is that it can mean the end of your relationship which may have been a reality regardless. To minimise the risk of this you need to consider how you will effectively communicate your change needs with your partner and be prepared for negotiation around a win win solution. This also might require… Read more »
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