Background Information – He is ex-military but when we lived in Washington state, he went through some things. I tried to be understanding, even though I didn’t understand. He would sleep all day, play video games all night, and the only interaction we had was fighting over the kids. It came to a head one night and the fighting got a tiny bit physical. I’ve been in an extremely abusive relationship when I was in my early 20’s. I refuse to do it again. I contacted family services on base and we started counseling. It was mandatory for him. I have two teenage daughters from the marriage I was in previously, and my husband and I have a 3 year old son. Counseling was helping some. It was helping us learn how to communicate better. It was helping with exercises to calm down, things like that. He was removed from our house on base the first night and we were only allowed to see each other with military 1st SGT present. He was so angry all the time but I could tell he was trying. As soon as he thought I might leave, he seemed almost panic stricken. Before this, he would not speak to me for weeks as a time. If I tried to hug him, he would pull away from me and say things like he didn’t want to be touched right now. So, we went through the counseling, he got out of the military and we now live in Oklahoma. He has made so much progress but he drinks too much. I’ve tried to talk to him about it when he’s sober. I can almost see the switch flip from okay to better watch out mode. He will get aggressive, pick fights with the kids, be mean to the kids (which makes me feel like a rabid dog), he will be fine one minute and tell us the next to “Get out”. He growls like an animal when he gets this way.
My current relationship is not completely lacking laughter but I am often consumed with thoughts of “Can I live my whole life with a man who’ll never have a witty come back?” Because we have such open communication I’ve been able to explain my feelings to him. It has not upset him that I’m still unsure in our relationship, but for me it has been causing stress from indecision.
Me and my husband have been together for 8years and we’ve been through alot. He is very jealous and he thinks if I go out, im going to be cheating. I never go out but he goes out every weekend. He always calls me names and talks about the way I look..He doesnt help me financialy with my daughters and he doesnt even take care of his daughters. Its been like this since I had my kids. what should I do.. because i seriously dont have any feelings for him anymore.
That you for writing this article. I am a 30 yr old woman who has been in a commonlaw relationship for 10 yrs. We have 2 kids together. My significant other had an emotional/physical i dont know affair with our neighbour who is 20! I recently lost my job and sitting here in this house with that #$%&* next door is hard to take. I find i have more and more time to think about the relationship each day and i have become very self-isolating and depressed. I have contiplated suicide too often to count in the last few months. The only way i see moving on is by leaving him. I tried to leave, made arrangements for an apartment and told him I did so. He managed to beg me into staying. My life has come to a halt. I want to go back to school and become a naturopathic doctor someday. When he says he loves me i can not think of anything to say..the words are not there. He thinks this year would be a good year to get married, i told him it aint happening unless he comes clean about what happened with the “child” next door. I dont think that is going to happen anytime soon. I need to get out of this relationship before I turn into some depressed raging bitter old wife someday..

Hello, Kindly help me. I am at the end of the road. I recently married early this year. I dated my husband for 6 yrs long distance. We met when I lived in his country but I moved overseas and we continued the relationship. However, earlier on, about 3 yrs, I received a link from my hubby inviting me to join a certain website. I clicked it and found a picture of my hubby and his many female friends very unappropriately dressed and it showed how many emails he had sent and what he received. He had sent out over 1000 messages. I was broken but he kept assuring me he had never met any of these women but just communicated over internet. I forgave him and then again.
Think about ending things with your boyfriend. How do you feel? If you feel sad and heartbroken, okay. But if you immediately feel a sense of panic like, "But what would I do? Who would I hang out with? Then I'd be the only friend without a boyfriend. Who would buy me a Christmas gift? When would I meet someone new?" that's not okay. That means you're with this person because you don't want to be alone.
Oh, as I read all of these comments, I am struck by how much so many of us are struggling with our relationships. My marriage of 20 years ended last year when my husband decided he was in love with one of his students and wanted to make a life with her. The two of us and our daughter had moved across the world for his temporary job and now I feel used and trapped! When I found out about this (no, he wasn’t honest about it, I found out accidentally)and he said he wanted us to live together as a family until I “got on my feet” and until he figured out what he was doing in this other relationship,I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew it because even when he was supposedly in our marriage, even at the best of times, he was not very giving or open emotionally and quite happy just working. I knew there was no way he could be present in any kind of relationship with me if he was falling in love with someone else!
Don’t fall into the trap of believing you only have two options: staying married and staying unhappy, or getting a divorce and getting happy again. If you’re feeling scared and sad because of these warning signs your marriage is over, then perhaps you’re ready to go beyond that false choice (“Do I divorce so that I can find happiness again, or do I keep the family together and remain unhappy?”).
My guess is that you feel betrayed by your husband because he may not have supported you in your complaints about how you were treated by his family. What is curious is that is your only complaint so far as I can see. In fact, I am only guessing at why you feel betrayed. Did he have an affair? has he been abusive? The reasons why you seem to fallen out of love with him are vague at best.
I’m Indian and Married to Romanian (Girl). We used to work in same company but on different locations and fall in love, it was kind of distance relationship..but something unbelievable. Almost 6 months we talked like this way and then decided to marry..She reached to India and we married. As our decision was to stay in Romania I accompany her there…In the beginning things were beautiful but gradually sweet turned in to sour…I take all responsibility as I was scared for my career…cause of global economy downfall I could get no job in Romania. Whenever I try talked about on this matter to my wife she got upset….she always said there are many people jobless don’t worry I am with you..but my esteem was not allowing me to sit back and peruse life on my wife’s salary…my biggest frustration not was, I have no job but I could do nothing for her….whenever we used to go out I could buy nothing for her and I always felt so bad, being a husband I was not able to do what I need to (take care of her by all means) it pinched me always…..
Ashley, I’m going through a similar situation. Two weeks ago my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me over Facebook messenger while I was at work. I went out to my car on my lunch break to call him and he said he wasn’t happy anymore and doesn’t know what he wants. It completely came out of nowhere. The last couple of weeks he seemed distance but I didn’t think much of it. I never saw it coming. We’ve been through so much together and his family and I were very close. I think about him everyday and have nightmares about him being with someone else. Everyone keeps telling me that he wasn’t right for me and I’ll find someone else but I don’t want anyone else. My heart hurts so much. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact it’s over. Someone who I thought I trusted and told everything to is gone just like that. My chest hurts I wish I could sleep away the pain.
My plan is to catch them in act and confronted. I wanted to know how long has this been going on and why. I will ask her what she is planning to do with it. If she still wanted to carry on with the guy, then I have to divorce and take custody of my son and move on life. But thinking about it makes me feel like vomiting. I do really love her so much and can’t bear leaving her. What should I do?
I also encourage you to call a local distress line or women’s help center. You need to reach out for support — and I’m so glad you reached out here! But, you need in-person support to help you figure out the best thing to do with your life right now. And, that support will help you stay committed to whatever decision you make about leaving your marriage or staying with him and working things out.
We travel a lot - or did before the birth of our little one, and at the beginning, all was well with the world, but now, for a couple of days before the flights, he starts getting antsy and talking about how much he hates flying. He often says things just on the edge of hearing, under his breath, but things that make me flush with embarrassment with their negativity or derogatory manner about flight attendants, etc. On our last flight, he was simply angry before we ever made it to the airport and was gruff and his eyebrows were furrowed and seemed defensive. We got our boarding passes. He said, I just hate flying. I asked him why he was so upset, when everything had gone wonderfully in my mind. He told me things always go wrong - - - This is NOT the perspective or attitude I want for my daughter. I don't want her to hate flying before we even get into the air.

I’m the type of person to over-analyze and question everything in life. I realize I cannot change my boyfriend’s sense of humor. I’m not getting any younger and hate the thought of breaking off an otherwise great relationship. The stress on me from constantly questioning a future decision to marry my boyfriend is not helpful toward furthering what could be an amazing relationship. How do I find a way to shake this nagging feeling that marrying him may be a wrong decision because of our humor gap? Or is this difference in our senses of humor a deal breaker? Thank you for a new perspective. –Kelly
Women are worriers by nature. In fact, according to one scientific study (via Metro), women appear to have lower levels of anxiety-regulating brain chemicals, which, as a result can make us more, "high strung." If you tend to project your worries on to your husband — constantly reminding him to take his multivitamin, ease up on the beer-drinking, and repeatedly telling him to take an umbrella to work in case it rains — you could be headed for trouble, says Hope.
I was reading your blog and your patient's brother sounds so much like mine. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking, especially when there are children involved. I try to maintain some distance but it never works out. HIs kids or my mom beg me to do something, go see him, try to get through to him, help him somehow.I just keep getting frug back into his mess.
I have just asked my husband to move out. I yelled at him. I felt so mad lately, I just feel like no matter what he does, it just makes me mad. He can cook, clean, but he does them not the way I would do it. That sounds so petty. He does it until I get upset about something. Then he makes a halfhearted attempt. But I feel that if he doesn’t work, then he should be willing to do take care of the house. He hasn’t worked in 11 years. I have been the only one working. Before I use to do everything. I would cook, clean, go to work, everything. Lately I’m just so tired. I want him to go out and find a job and help in creating this home. I know he can do it, he just won’t do anything. I think part of that makes me so mad and I blow up over it for stupid little things. I’m home by myself now. And I feel so lonely. But I have to put up with it, because I was the one that told him to get out. I just have so much resentement. I’m hurt and I’m scared to be along. But I’m not going to ask him to come back. I am hoping that he would wake up and decide that he wants to go out and get a job. But I’m scared that I made a mess that he would never come back to me. At the same time, I feel I put us in that situation, by me doing everything at the beginning. He got use to it. All I know is that I am lonely and I miss him but not going to reach out.
Thank you for your article, there are so many questions that go through your head when you are contemplating divorce. Your article put a lot of things into perspective for me. After 26 years of marriage to a really good man, I'm just not sure I love him the way I should anymore and I think he is equally feeling the distance between us. I truly thought he was my forever (if that even exists) and it is so hard to make that final decision to leave. Addictions are the biggest problem, gaming, pornography, etc. and it is really the emotional emptiness that hurts the most. Trying to understand why someone becomes so addicted to things (so easily) is frustrating for me. I've tried to listen and understand his problem, but it just seems like a weakness more than an illness to me. For anyone going through this, I feel empathy, it is honestly the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life--and I haven't even filed for divorce yet. Thanks again for the article.
I never believed in miracle until this happened to me recently and I am sharing this publicly with everyone because I know there are many people who might be in the same position I was and here it goes or any kind of difficulties, My wife has been separated from me for about 1 year plus and move in with another man while filing for divorce. Honestly I can't deny that I truly love, miss her and can't do without her in my life, I feel emptied after she left me and being away from her was not okay for me at all but to my luck . I was introduced to this man whom I was made to understand he can make my wife come back to me and continue to live the way we used to live together before, At first I have a very doubting mind but decided to give it a trial, I explained to this man about my wife, he did what he have to do and assured me my wife will be back to me within the next 7 days and to my surprise, I received a call from her on the third day and we are finally back together and moved in back with me on the fifth day and she dismissed the divorce in court and we are finally living happily back together. This man has really made a positive impact in my life and I have promised to promote and advertise his sense of humor about this and will surely help you out especially made to bring back your love who is with some one else, or who has left you and don’t want to be back to you and you can as well explain any form of problem or challenges you might be facing in life. You can get in touch with him via his email address puresolution4u@gmail.com or text him on (805) 317-6862 and I assure, you are going to praise me later, If you are facing any kind of difficulty, I oblige you to give this man a trial and you won't regret it.
2. Respect yourself: Sometimes negligence is the issue, but other times we get too far on the other end of the spectrum. Putting your partner first 24/7 is a great way to burn yourself out and kill the passion in your relationship. Don’t be a doormat, and don’t let yourself go trying to do everything for him. Confidence is attractive, and taking care of yourself is a must.

Do I believe I made mistakes in that relationship? You betcha! Was I the best wife I could have been? Absolutely not! And for that I am sorry. But I also had to understand that all the blame could not be placed on my shoulders. Sometimes, often times, that’s what we women do. We take the blame for bad situations, and we wonder what we could have done to prevent them. 

When someone's no longer taking their relationship seriously, they're more likely to drop all the responsibility that comes with it. So no, you're not crazy for worrying about your partner's sudden lack of accountability. "If your partner starts breaking promises or does not keep their word and does not seem to offer you more than a simple, 'I’m sorry,' this is a sign that they may not be happy in your relationship because they stop caring about how you feel," Rappoport says.
Thanks to Prophet Abuvia because He is great. He has done so much for me. A few months ago my wife left me for another man. I was so depressed I was even admitted in hospital. Then for some reason I was searching for divorce lawyers and to my surprise I ended up on the prophet abuvia website (prophetabuviasolutiontemple. webs. com). I started reading his works and testimonies and I was so encouraged to fight for my marriage through his power and work. There were times were I lost hope,thinking of giving up but He reminds me to never lose hope. Isaiah 41:10. Today I can say my marriage has been restored. We happy and playing every day and she is happier than before. if you are having such or any kind of problem, you can also contact prophet abuvia on his email prophet.abuvia AT gmail DOT com
Is your significant other coming right out and saying he's unhappy with your relationship? Most likely not. Men are more apt to keep things in or show their displeasure in other ways. Or perhaps he's "telling" you he's unhappy about isolated events or situations in your partnership, but hasn't outright said, "Hey babe - this isn't working for me." Whatever the case may be, here are 15 signs he's unhappy in your relationship.
My husband has told me that in addition to not being happy anymore, he is "emotionally involved" with another woman. I know who the woman is and considered her a friend. (BTW- my husband is technically this woman's boss, they work together) He says he feels a connection to her that he has never felt before and can read her emotionally, and he can't do that to me. This woman feels the same towards my hubby and is divorcing her husband (I just found this out). He spoke of several events in our lives where I may not have been happy, or had sacrificed my happiness for his (In my opinion, anyway). I think he basically is trying to get me to be the bad guy. I told him that until he is happy with himself, we can't determine how our marriage will be affected. I am trying to get him to talk to somebody, on his own, as I am. If we are both happy with ourselves an our marriage is still not working, that's the time to look at the next steps.
9. Support him: Encourage him if he wants to try something new. Support him if he's going through a rough phase in life. Generally, men do not open up as easily as women do, so don’t expect a heartfelt conversation every time he’s going through a rocky patch. Something as simple as telling him he’s doing a good job or making him a nice meal after a long day can make him feel cared for. 

Married almost 11 years, the entire marriage has been rocky, in and out of counseling. Brady bunch family, married into her and her 16yo daughter with my 4yo daughter, had a daughter together. Was told early on I have no say with her daughter, daughter is grown now and married. Was told frequently I suck as a husband, father etc and was routinely threatened with divorce when I raised any issues over the years. I have often thought of leaving (escaping) but haven’t because I don’t want to hurt kids or then I have thoughts of did I try hard enough, do everything I can. Btw she was diagnosed before she met me with anxiety and depression. I am a neat and organized man raised by my mother and grandmother – only child – raised the old fashioned way – had a step father who was nice at times but more times than not was an ass to my mom. As for my marriage, the threat of divorce has been there for duration, also my wife has diagnosed me over the years with bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, narcissism, passive aggressive and several other ailments, all of which I’ve researched to understand if there was any evidence of that fact. I’ve sought the help of counselors to gain clarity, gone to church, in couples therapy right now using Gottman tools to help and nothing seems to help. When we argue she ends up winning or dominating the conversation, when conversation gets tough and she doesn’t like what she is hearing, she says I’m reaching my limit and then says we need a pause and will pick this up later, then it’s awkward silence and avoiding until we address it again or sometimes we just drop it. We spend much of our non working hours out pursuing personal interests and occasionally join up for kids sports events. She dominates the relationship with our daughter we had together, I’m pretty much cut out of parenting her and only allowed freedom of parenting of my daughter who is now 16. Obviously I’m looking for answers and trying to figure out what to do. I want to be happy and have peace in my life – I’m tired of chasing my tail around in circles. I’m a good honest caring man who loves and puts his family first. Cleans the house, folds laundry, cooks dinner, makes kids events, works 50 hours a week and trying to hang on to this marriage for self, wife, kids. Insight welcome.
I think the “sense of humor” argument is actually different from other traits.  The reason is finding someone with the same sense of humor is like finding someone that’s on our “wavelength.”  People can have radically differing opinions on politics, religion, philosophy, etc.  and can at least agree to simply not talk about those things.  This can work, but our sense of humor is such a core personality trait.  It’s really a big part of who we are.  Now does your partner have to actually be funny?  No.  They do have to have the same sense of humor, though.  I don’t think they need to make you laugh but they have to be able to laugh at the same things you do.  Now back to types of humor.  I agree with what Evan said that Kelly seems to be looking for a personality type that might not be positive i.e. a narcissist.  A good sense of humor should always involve at least a degree of self deprecation. 
Hello, Kindly help me. I am at the end of the road. I recently married early this year. I dated my husband for 6 yrs long distance. We met when I lived in his country but I moved overseas and we continued the relationship. However, earlier on, about 3 yrs, I received a link from my hubby inviting me to join a certain website. I clicked it and found a picture of my hubby and his many female friends very unappropriately dressed and it showed how many emails he had sent and what he received. He had sent out over 1000 messages. I was broken but he kept assuring me he had never met any of these women but just communicated over internet. I forgave him and then again.
You're in a tough spot. The thing about enabling behavior is that superficially it makes things easier, so people who enable remain attached to doing it. If you decide you shouldn't enable your mom's behavior (and I'm in no position to judge one way or another) it seems to me the key would be becoming confident enough in that decision (out of a genuine and well-considered belief that enabling her behavior isn't in her or your best interests) that you simply—without ever needing to discuss it—stop enabling her behavior. Such a change would of course be met with resistance that you'd need to be prepared for, which is why you must first be absolutely convinced your decision is the right one and then calmly stick to your guns (keeping your own emotions at bay would be key). Good luck.
I have been married for 25 years. It has been a rough one off and on for the whole time. I could give so many details but that would take forever. The gist of if it is he travels a lot and I have trust issues with him. We have not had sex in almost eight months. I have tried but get pushed away everytime, to the point I have stopped even trying. We have hardly had any relations for the past four years. We sleep in separate rooms and have for a while now. He refuses to talk about anything and when I try to bring things up he just gets upset and tells me I’m being stupid. He cannot seem to answer a yes or no question. He goes on golf trips too throughout the year and takes me nowhere. I just recently took a weekend trip for myself (while he was away for over a month himself on “business”), and he would not talk to me for over three weeks. He is home now, and we have barely said anything to each other. I have tried everything I know to do for 25 years to communicate with him, and he just won’t give me the time of day. My feelings have slowly dwindled, and I still am hoping for a “miracle,” but I cannot do it all myself. I’m tired of having just a room mate. I feel like am a second mother to him. All he has to do is go to work, watch TV, and play golf three to four times a week. Any suggestions on how to get him to talk about things and tell me why he refuses to be intaimate with me and what might be going on with him? I just can’t take it anymore.
Hey Karina, was wondering how things are. Just curious, can you tell me what your ethnicity is? And if others can mention their ethnicity and their partners’ ethnicity. I’m Mexican, and I’m wondering how relationships are across races, and don’t want to generalize when having conversations about it, without getting some feedback from real individuals in struggling relationships to see if ethnicity plays a factor along with culture, upbringing and social class.
I think you first need to decide if you want to continue on in this relationship the way it is right now. Then, you need to make that decision work any way you can….some women leave their marriages and rely on social services or family members for help….other women stay in less-than-perfect marriages because that’s the best option for them….but the happiest people are those who make their own choices and focus on ways to be happy no matter what…
I found out my husband was talking to his ex behind my back a few weeks ago and he knows how I feel about this person based on things she has done in the past to try to get between us. So, in some of the messages I saw, he had sent her a meme and said he loved her. She also sent a picture to him of her legs with the statement….here are a picture of my legs finally with an emoji wink and his response was…about damn time. She also sent him a picture of a house where they used to live just to ask him if that was the house they used to live in. When I asked him about this, he said he does still have a love for her because they have kids together but he is with me. I however am having a problem getting over this because in our entire marriage, 10 years, he has never sent me anything out of the blue like this to let me know he is thinking of me like he did with her. We got into a tiff and when I tried to call him he didn’t answer. In the past when he was mad, he would ignore me and not answer my calls which I figured he was doing again which just made me more angry so I continually called him. I also texted him expressing my feelings. He finally texted back and said he can’t handle my level of crazy anymore. I called him and he said I was crazy because I called him so much…even after I tried to explain this his is pattern when he is mad at me which I figured he was. He then told me I needed to get on medication because I needed and he can’t deal with me anymore. I did find out that he did respond to my text but it failed to go through…because I didn’t get this text is why I began going overboard with my phone calls. However, I do know what I did was wrong but I don’t think is justifies name calling. When I asked what he meant when he said he can’t do this anymore, he said he wasn’t saying anything at this time as far as what I can’t do this anymore means.. This is what he does when we get to this point. He tells me he doesn’t care about my feelings and I bother him. I know what I did was wrong but I don’t think I deserve the name calling or made to feel like I nor my feelings matter. I did comment that it would be nice to receive things like him like he does do other people and his response….keep accusing me and you will see what happens,,,,

I am the sole provider until my wife starts working and make decent money. I asked her to help paying for kid’s college fund, and her car maintenance and gas and (kind of expected) she got very upset and didn’t talk to me. I told her this is for the children and we should share the money in joint account as an option but she quickly ignored it. Her plan is use her money from work to build a new house in her oversea home town in which I don’t agree as it is more important to prepare for kid’s college fund first, and possibly help pay credit card debts that we incurred.
Stop by the grocery store or bakery on your way home and pick up his favorite treat. Book a weekend away together. Give him a massage when he gets home. It's not always the job of a man to do these kinds of things. As a dedicated wife, you must surprise your husband and remind him of the fun woman he fell in love with. Believe me; he will appreciate the gesture and be thrilled that you did something so thoughtful.
Married for 45 years, husband cheated with same woman for 16 years. Been to counselling, numerous chats, still together, but a lot of joy has gone out of my life. He is still working long hours, and now working away overnight 2 nights/3 days a week and I am home, with arthritis, dwelling sometimes on the deceit and lies I have encountered over the years, with him messing with my head making me feel neurotic when I wasn’t. I have lovely holidays, beautiful home, possessions, jewellery etc and I still have this terrible emptiness inside me. We are together because deep down we still love one another and have 50 years together. Sometimes I feel trapped because I couldn’t leave him and be happy at the expense of his unhappiness. He says he is happy but I don’t know if he can be. Any advice.
Sliding Into Marriage. Couples often have low levels of commitment and end up sliding into marriage instead of making a very conscious and clear decision to be committed to their future spouse. This frequently happens when couples live together, but aren’t officially married yet. The issue is that when this “sliding” occurs, there is less initial commitment and willingness to stick it out when things get tough, which is essential to any marriage. In other words, if you slide into your marriage you may be more likely to slide right on out. A low commitment level is a warning sign your marriage is over (or that it never really began).
I gave all i had. I revolved my entire life around him. I tried to fix him, so many bad things happened to him and i tried to be his rock, his strength. To show him that someone truly loved him. And he used how much i cared to take full advantage of me. And i felt him start to push me away. I knew after 3 years it was coming. He said he didnt want a relationship. Then said he was sorry and theres still hope. Then never said goodbye to me. Its been a week of nothing from him. I said goodbye over text in a moment of weakness, and he didnt even say goodbye. Just that hes been busy and loves me. Too busy to say goodbye to someone who loved him unconditionally for 3 years. But not too busy to be all over social media. To be laughing at my pain. To show just how little i meant and how little i effect his life. I cant remember how to even live and hes living as if i was never anything to him. Its honestly killing me. I spend 90% of my days crying and wishing i was gone. I have a perfect son, i have a lot to be thankful for, i know that. But i cant see through this. Nothing feels good. All i think about is him. All i want is him to care about me. But nothing can be fixed. We will never be together again. There isnt a world that exists where we end up together. Its like i know but i cant accept it. I have no one to talk to and im drowning.
@happy in marriage. I think to post something like what you have on a thread like this is completely out of order and I HOPE you get to read this. Most of the people on here did not choose for their relationships to end? How SMUG of you to come on waxing lyrical about children from two parent families much better off that from broken homes etc? yes, in the ideal world, two parents are far better, but if you have taken the time to read a lot of these posts you will see that most of the parents are ‘single’ already with an estranged/diengaged/abusive or non-commited spouse. surely in cases like this, a single happy parent is better than two miserable ones?

Two things occurred to me while reading your story. One is that you have to remember that your husband is a man, not a little boy. You need to let go of the need to take care of him. He’s not your child, and he will deal with your leaving the best way he knows how. You can’t control how he’ll cope — and it’s not your job to make life as smooth as possible for him! Your job is to make the best decision for you and your marriage. And sometimes the best decisions are the most painful.
This is probably one of the most obvious statement, but often the hardest to do. If there is something your husband does that drives you crazy, let him know, in a calm matter of fact way. Don't constantly be on his case for something. Especially something he can't immediately change. Nagging causes annoyance. Annoyance eventually causes resentment. Let him know why his actions are making you upset and annoying you. Being clear about what kind of behavior bothers you will help him be more accommodating and conscientious.
I also encourage you to call a local distress line or women’s help center. You need to reach out for support — and I’m so glad you reached out here! But, you need in-person support to help you figure out the best thing to do with your life right now. And, that support will help you stay committed to whatever decision you make about leaving your marriage or staying with him and working things out.
Yes ill admit after begging and pleading over the last 16 months I know I resent him now! He and I are good looking people we are in our late 20s and I truly am falling out of love with him now. He has been the love of my life for 8 years and he can’t stand the act of making love to me. BTW there is no way he is cheating on me. He says he wants to work on things but he hasn’t tried, then he says I should be trying too. Is that not what I had been doing for over 2 years!!! It’s like he feels it coming to an end but he is brainwashing himself to believe its my fault we don’t have sex
I don’t know if anyone will read this but I feel so alone the last 2 weeks that this is the best I can do. My first serious relationship ended a week and a half ago. The man I first moved in with, first went on vacations with, got a cat with, and planned my life with. There were no real indications that this was coming, we had been slightly more distant the last two months but we were both very stressed by out individual troubles so I didn’t think much of it. I came home one evening to my boyfriend telling me it was over. My entire world that I had just built on my own was shattered. I had a home I loved in a town I loved, I had my own cat, my new second family, my boyfriend, and I was finally starting school. And it was all gone because he decided he didn’t want me anymore. He didn’t think we were right for each other in the long run. But I did. I so saw my life with this man and he didn’t see it back.. I am completely grief stricken and I can barely bring myself to do the things I have to do. I struggle so much with getting through the day and I’m embarrassed of my inability to “fake it till I make it”. I feel like my sadness is a burden to others and that I’m just negative to be around. But I can’t hide how utterly distraught I am. I wish I could start feeling better, but I just cant. My brain always reverts back to our love and what I can’t have anymore. I wish and dream that he will take me back and that makes me even more embarrassed. I wish I could just accept that we can never be together and just move on. But I miss him so much.

"A change in habits is one of the first signs of relationship issues. It can indicate unhappiness, personal stress, even cheating — but it could also indicate a number of other things, so don't jump to conclusions. If there are any significant changes, discuss them with your partner to determine what's behind them." —Sarah E. Clark, licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship expert, and co-founder of Idealationship


Things we have never experienced before tend to frighten us. The truth is, infidelity in a marriage is not something most couples want to experience. With that in mind, you may want to know how to stop your husband from having an affair and save your marriage. This is one subject a lot of people with all the education, exposure, status and money do not know how to deal with.

My husband of nearly 5 years told me last night that he is not happy and hasn't been for almost a year. The long and short of it is he says there isn't a way for hime to articulate his unhappiness. he thinks that while we always knew our personalities were different, it's just taken us the almost 7 years we've known each other to realize how different they really were. Looking back, I can say that things haven't been great, but I've not been unhappy recently. It's almost like we were living as roomates. I suggested couples counseling, he doesn't want to do that. I'm lost- I don't want my marriage to end, I truly love my husband and can't picture my life without him in it. Please help- has anybody gone through this and survived married?
Why is it that in the beginning, we don’t get bothered that much about things that later in marriage drive as crazy? If you think it’s because back then you were unrealistically in love, then remember, how many times did you hear people who lost someone saying how they would give anything to be around things that once were so annoying to them. What is that telling you?
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4years and he says im contolling and he is unhappy now and he doesnt want to fix anything he just wants to end it. I love him alot but he isnt even trying to work it out or giving me a chance. He says he has waited for me to change and he sees that im the same person and he is done waiting. We use to talk about getting married and now he tells me he doesnt see us getting married. I dont want to loose him and i want to fight for him and he sees he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late for that.

If your partner is pulling away, they will tend to go out alone more than they used to, New York–based relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. Keep your ear to the ground, she advises. "Whenever you see a change in behavior, something is up. And when that change excludes you, your partner is either planning you a surprise party, or, more likely, spending time away from you because he’s not happy when he’s with you in the way that he wants to be." Again, talk about it before it's too late.
We travel a lot - or did before the birth of our little one, and at the beginning, all was well with the world, but now, for a couple of days before the flights, he starts getting antsy and talking about how much he hates flying. He often says things just on the edge of hearing, under his breath, but things that make me flush with embarrassment with their negativity or derogatory manner about flight attendants, etc. On our last flight, he was simply angry before we ever made it to the airport and was gruff and his eyebrows were furrowed and seemed defensive. We got our boarding passes. He said, I just hate flying. I asked him why he was so upset, when everything had gone wonderfully in my mind. He told me things always go wrong - - - This is NOT the perspective or attitude I want for my daughter. I don't want her to hate flying before we even get into the air.
Changing how you respond involves taking a step back, and carefully considering what to say and do. I found it helpful to talk to a counselor, because I didn’t know what my “triggers” where, and how my behavior affected my husband. If you need help with your marriage, I encourage you to talk to a counselor, and get an objective and balanced perspective.

I met my husband when I was 20 and we’ve been together 13 years, married 3 and have a two year old son. Right from word go we had issues with intimacy, so much so that I cheated on him early on, I didn’t hide it from him instead told him I wanted to break up as I didn’t believe we were right for each other as he showed such little interest in my sexually. He apologised, told me he adored me and asked for another chance, he said it was just the way he was but asked if I really just want a relationship based on the physical. That really struck home with me as I’d often felt the guys I’d dated before were more interested in sex than me as a person. So I gave him another chance and though we had ups and downs we grew to be great friends, but never great lovers. But whenever we were apart I missed him terribly and so felt it was worth working at. I also had a lot of emotional turmoil with my family during those years and at times felt very alone, he was always my rock and made me feel validated and loved – he’s always so proud of my achievements and quick to tell others how great I am.
I am the woman who loved him, supported him, and put up with him for well over two years.  I am the woman who kept coming back after he broke up with me. I am the woman who compensated and paid for everything because he couldn’t get a job. I am the woman who was there for him 24/7.  His family, of course, was on the other side of the country.  One of his siblings did say “we have always known there was something off about him, thank you for loving him enough to figure it out”, but then he was bullied by the rest of the family. So there was zero support coming from anyone.

It hurts. Infidelity hurts, betrayal hurts, and broken relationships hurt. But what really hurts is when as a woman you allow these situations to affect how you view yourself. When you allow an indiscretion to change the way you see yourself, and this view is in opposition to how God sees you then you are wrong. When you allow these hurts to change you, and you carry them like extra luggage then you are acting in error. You are acting like 90% of the female population, but you are still wrong. 


The first thing you should do before speaking to your partner is finding out why you are unhappy. Once you are able to tell your boyfriend you are unhappy, you two can talk about what has to be done in order for you to be happy. You may catch your partner off guard when you bring up the situation, so try to be the bigger person and avoid getting into a big fight. Make sure not to leave anything out when you have this conversation as you want your boyfriend to fully understand what led to this. After everything is out in the open, ask your boyfriend what he wants, tell him what you want, and get closure. Don't let this situation drag on for months, find a solution as soon as possible.
For the next 6 years or so after that, I believe we are doing great. I do notice that he is grumpy and has low energy, etc. So I recommend he get his testosterone checked and get evaluated for clinical depression. He goes for hormones, but no antidepressants. It helps for a while, but 2012 is just a bad year for him it seems. He's getting drunk and staying out more, sometimes not coming home. Getting botox for forehead wrinkles. Worried about thinning hair. I beg him to please seek out further help to no avail.
Look for signs your boyfriend isn't happy. These signs include a sudden lack of interest in intimacy, frequent desire to be alone, inattentiveness toward you, insensitivity to your feelings, or frequently engaging in activities without you. These may be signs of something else going on in his life, but they are likely signs his feelings for you are changing.
There are tons of hints that your partner is unhappy, Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences , tells Bustle. If they're constantly checking their phone instead of giving you their undivided attention, that is no good. Not paying attention during the conversation is a definite sign, she says, along with disinterest in being together irritability. If you try to broach the subject and they don't want to discuss it, that can be another sign.
First and foremost, we must realize that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own happiness and simultaneously that everyone exerts a powerful influence on the happiness of those around them. A study by a former colleague, Nicholas Christakis, suggests that we influence the happiness of people close to us physically as well as the happiness of people close to us personally up to three degrees of separation (meaning not just the friends of our friends but their friends as well). How might this influence come about? Not by the advice we give or the action we take to try to make others happier but simply by being happy ourselves. Emotions, it turns out, are as contagious as infectious diseases (possibly as a result of the mirror neuron system). Some of us seem to be more contagious than others and some of us especially susceptible to being "infected" by others, but most of us have had firsthand experience in bringing others up or down with our moods and in being brought up or down by the moods of others.
What about those that married and dreamed to have children and 4 years into the marriage you find out your wife will not be able to bear any of your children because of medical reasons and she has one of her own who is a teenager (girl) living in the household. The wife is not up for adopting and now she is like if you decide to leave she will understand because she has a child from a previous marriage and she understands a bond that a parent has and the father may never get to have that. The father can't stand to watch anything on TV where a family has a child or movies that reference a family with kids on it for awhile because he believes their lives are filled with so much happiness of taking care of a kid of their own blood. So...what... stay or leave.
My husband and I dated for three years and have been married for a year and three months. Up until we got married I was excited and in love and everything was great, because I refused to acknowledge any of his flaws. He lived with his parents and never had to do chores, his room was always a mess, and he was very into his computer and video games. I was stupid and didn’t realize that all of these behaviors would continue when we got married, so since then I have basically been depressed and constantly upset about the dishes, the laundry, the dirty bathroom, the clutter… everything. I know it isn’t fair to ask him to change but I can’t live with the mess and with someone who is comfortable being so messy. I need it neater. I feel so guilty because I married him… and I’m supposed to stay by his side and be faithful, right? I feel so guilty for feeling like marriage was a mistake. He’s been with me for my entire adult life (started dating when I was 18, got married TOO SOON at 21, and it’s been hellish and touch-and-go ever since.

Remember when you and your husband first starting dating? You were the carefree woman who laughed and flirted? Life's stress can really take a toll on a relationship, and sometimes we forget to laugh. Flirt with your husband. Tell stupid jokes. Reminisce about funny things that happened. Life can't always be fun and games, but let it be sometimes. Keep the humor going between the two of you and keep things funny and fun.
"Time delays between the time you send a message or leave a voicemail seem to get longer when one of you is not as thrilled with the relationship as they once were," he says. If you're just super busy, or jet-setting, don't fret so much, he adds. "This doesn’t apply to those with jobs or travel that make regular conversations difficult, but you can definitely tell when a pattern of detachment is beginning." Time for a chat.
For many of us, survive until tomorrow may be the closest we get to a mission statement. But once we have the basics of survival managed, we need something bigger to ground our lives in. In our twenties and thirties our goals are often 'find a job, find a partner, raise children, provide for our family.' These are very praiseworthy goals, but what happens when the kids leave home and the mortgage is paid off? That's when we find out that we never had any bigger mission.
First of all, I would like to say he isn’t this way very often but when he is, it’s a little scary. Un-nerving. He becomes volatile very quickly. And you never know if he’s going to be that way when you open the door or his normal self. It’s exhausting. I can’t relax, I feel like I have to be on constant guard. He complains that we don’t have sex enough, that I don’t initiate it enough, that when he gets that way, all I have to do is take him to the bedroom. I thought at first that he was kidding. I think he is angry at me but he strikes out (harsh words) at the kids to me because he knows it gets to me.
Even if your boyfriend sometimes talks badly about his mother, it doesn’t give you the right to say anything bad about her. If you don’t want to insult him, you’ll make sure you don’t cross the line with this. Instinctive feelings come up when anyone insults our mothers, and it’s not worth ruining a relationship just by saying a few cheap lines about her. Keep those feelings to yourself and you’ll keep him happy.
Many women stay in relationships longer than they should because they tend to put the needs of others before their own. And since women often naturally take on the role of caretakers, they can lose parts of their own identity — and a sense of their own needs — in the process. "In order to face her relationship unhappiness, a woman needs to stop distracting herself by putting other people's needs ahead of her own," says Gadoua. "Doing this can be a way of avoiding her own painful truth." So if you find yourself getting unnecessarily involved in a fight between your mother and sister, or you're always rushing around trying to make other people's lives easier, it might be time to take a hard look at your own relationship.
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