I have a husband who has been hard to please. We have been married for 20+ years. Everything I do has an "ulterior" motive in his mind. I don't think I can even get into the whole of this to give anyone a good perspective of what I am dealing with. He was married to a woman for maybe 2-3 months. I'm not sure why he married her as she cheated on him before they were married and he still married her - then shortly after they got married she cheated again and he kicked her out. After they were split for like 2 years we started dating and got married. He has really old-fashioned thinking which at times is nice and at times it is very stressful. Anyway - if I even talk to another man he gets a little ridiculous. Recently we had a friend who lost a spouse and our children were really good friends. They (the children) have been over a lot since that happened and my husband has blown that whole thing into he is interested in me. To the point of starting arguments about it in the middle of the night. when I am sound asleep - he will wake me up - what's wrong - I know there is something wrong. I can't even talk to him anymore - even social media posts he twists into a new dimension of meaning something entirely different. I am probably going to block him from my social media posts to put a stop to that. I walk on eggshells. He gets my phone and reads my text messages and has found nothing - but still swears there is something there. The way he thinks is the only right way and if you try to show him something different it can often make him angry. I feel like a caged bird and I feel like he is smothering me and the whole situation is making me very unhappy. I try to be happy even when things are going wrong - I deal with it and move on. He complains and puts everyone around him down and blames them even if they had nothing to do with it. He can control himself around his own family and around people he thinks a lot of. He will brag us up to those people, but if my Mom is around or if someone he has decided he doesn't care for is around he is downright hurtful and rude. What is odd - is it's ok if he does it - but if you would turn around and do the same - he would be telling you about it. He has good qualities - he is a hard worker and a good provider. And what I have just explained is just a mild overview, nowhere near a thorough explanation. My main question is how do you give yourself space from a person like this when you are married with children still at home living in the same home? I am self-employed but I don't feel I can support myself without getting a job which would probably mean I would need to quit my business as I would not be readily available for appointments. I love your advice - and I think it would work great for a more removed relative or friend - but how do you make it work for someone you live with who seems at times irrational.

Hep.. 28 years and I fell like a stranger to my husband. I share my thoughts, worries, etc and he listens but never responds. It’s like I am forgotten, not importanty, not worth his attention. How do I fix it when I feel alone. I have no friends to share anything with. My children are adults and have their own issues. I am tired. I can’t fake it any longer. I am trying to find a way out
I’m sorry. I did misunderstand. I thought it was three exwives. I know you pain…I just gave up on my husband love more than life today. Our spouses have OCPD obsessive Compulsive Personalty Disorder which is not the same as OCD. Read about it. It was not till I read about it that I understood. I can do nothing right…I never have. I make twice his salary and take care of monetary things more so than he does. He bitched, groans,complains, cuts be down, I can do nothing right, clean nothing right, he dominates every minute of my time when he is here and when he isn’t here. Leaves me lists of work to do to keep me busy on my off days and I work 50 hours per week…I’m exhausted with him and it’s taking scroll on my health. The rants, fits and rage…I just can’t take…I gave up today and told him I wanted a divorce..I just wanna die
I left my boyfriend of 15 yrs because I thought I wanted more. I was completely wrong. I told him 3 months ago and he said he still loves me and wants to come back home bit he hasn’t yet. He lives with another girl because he needed somewhere to go. He’s at my house alot but not home. It kills me everyday to not know if I should give up or wait on him.
If your partner is suddenly argumentative, it might be due to excessive stress at work, or a side effect of their depression or anxiety. But it could also be due to their unhappiness. "When a partner is unhappy and can’t find a way out of the relationship, they will turn to creating a problem that isn’t there," relationship expert Lori Bizzoco tells Bustle. "Your partner may try picking fights over little things and making a big deal out of them."

Obviously I don't know your situation, but it sounds like it truly sucks. I don't know your background. What made you fall in love, how well did you know your husband before your married, why did you marry, etc. I'm sure that your husband loves you very much but he has clearly lost his way. I don't know why he seeks solitude but there may be a better reason than you suspect. I don't know why he is emotionally detached but I'm sure that it's not your fault and that the reason is anything other than what you might imagine it to be. All that being said, and giving him the benefit of the doubt, you need to go together to see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. They speak to lots of couples in similar situations and I believe that they can help you find out why your husband acts the way he does and how to help. You both need to focus on strengthening your relationship. This effort should take priority over your kids. They need you two to love each other and be happy together because you are their model of true love.
Through our marriage, he kept his own place, had taken the set of keys he had given me at the time of our wedding (it’s where our best man and his girlfriend stayed) and didn’t return them to me. He would stay out all night, not call, not come home – and when he did,he’d come home and drink – complain about me and our lack of sex…after our first counseling, he gave me a set of keys back…which I rejected, and shouldn’t have, but i am so full of anger and resentment…and still am. He moved out of the house (which I bought before the marriage) on May 10, but still has things in the house. He comes over and lets himself in when he wants (I have asked that he call beforehand)…and I have asked for the space to learn to let go of the anger and to forgive him, and miss him… but he won’t give me that space – and when we spend any time together, we end up fighting.
On the other hand, the expression of love is important just as much. From a big hug to many kisses. The desire to touch another human being is a basic necessity, just as the heat of a squeeze is something that brings us comfort. You can do this experiment: If you see a sad person in the street or your boyfriend is in a sad and unmotivated state, go and give him a big kiss, you will see how his mood changes instantly.

June 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm I know how you feel. I have been married almost 28yrs to my highschool sweatheart and just yesterday came to the end of my rope and told him to move out. He has changed so much over the past few months that i just could take anymore. Our daughter (27 and 19) and i have begged him to get help but he just won’t. He has lost almost 50 pounds (not in a healthy way), is buying hipster clothes, walks around in a daze and goes from jekyl to hyde in a flash. We can’t decide if he is having severe depression with mania or simply a midlife crisis. I’ve tried talking to him and it’s always the same “I don’t know” answer for everything. He does say he still loves me and is still in love with me but we don’t communicate at all. I told him I feel like I am married with a husband but am all alone and he said “but i’m here all the time”. Well his body is but he’s not and i told him so and again just silence with the hands in the air. He no longer states how miserable he is only that he doesn’t know anything (what he’s doing, what he wants, etc). So after months of trying and crying I’ve decided it’s up to him. One of our cat’s just died, my 80yr old mother has probable cancer again and I struggle with bipolar and diabetes (insulin pump) myself. Needless to say I have enough on my plate and I can honestly say I tried! During a six week therapy course we were told about co-dependent relationships. This may or may not apply, but you don’t go down on a sinking ship. Sometimes, In my case (since I see a therapist and take meds) it was a matter of saying to my husband “I’m riding the train to wellness, your welcome to come along, if not, have a nice life”.
I’m thankful to have found this in good timing as it’s exactly what my confusion needs. My guy just shut me out last week and I was in complete silence and darkness for 3 days. Finally, I pleaded with him in a text msg to say something, anything because I was trying not to worry about him. He responded with an apology and said he needs time to work on himself. I accept and respect this and I’m giving him his space. But why is it on us women to understand and accept whatever his terms are? Can’t it be understood that we as women want to help? Maybe giving him space is the only way to help? This makes me feel worthless when my natural role is to offer him comfort and nurture him. When does my role count for anything? When HE feels ready? Is this all about HIM? I guess it is when real love forgets “self”… I won’t sit around and wait for him but I won’t forget about him, either. May clear and calm thoughts be with you all!

9. Support him: Encourage him if he wants to try something new. Support him if he's going through a rough phase in life. Generally, men do not open up as easily as women do, so don’t expect a heartfelt conversation every time he’s going through a rocky patch. Something as simple as telling him he’s doing a good job or making him a nice meal after a long day can make him feel cared for. 
I am a doer, not a talker, and I will not sit by and be part of a train wreck that I can clearly see, whether it is mental or physical.   If I have a boyfriend who has cancer, and he will not seek help, I will not stand by for X number of months or years in anguish just to go down with him.  If he is going to doctors, getting treatments, I would stand by him and hold his hand on his deathbed.  None of the posters said anything about abandoning anyone.  I would stay with my Asperger man and help him navigate through this, if he wanted the help!  What I will not do is stand there and be collateral damage. 
I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was around 8 weeks, and before this I would always talk about babies, and my boyfriend would always say it wasn't the right time. When we found out I was pregnant he was shocked at first and was adamant that we couldn't keep it (I told him there and then that I would be keeping the baby with or without him). We didn't talk about it for a couple of days as I wanted him to process the information in his own way and time, and then after about a week he just turned around and was fine with it haha. I'm now 25weeks, and he's more excited to meet his little girl than I am! 

As we mentioned earlier, women consider that having a partner is the greatest reward for a man. Finally, they care about the house and the children. Unfortunately, men with time, begin to feel less and less cared by their wives. They want women to be their supporter and partner and give something to them. But certain habits are hard to change, so there is a need for sincere conversation and understanding. You want him to keep saying that you are great, but when have you told him the same thing?
Of course if something is bothering you, make sure you tell him about it as well. These conversations should be calm and collected. You want to make sure that you both realize that you’re in a safe atmosphere where you can easily share and work on improving things together. Don’t panic if you’re having marriage trouble. Communication is key, and together you can reinforce the love and joy between you.
9. Support him: Encourage him if he wants to try something new. Support him if he's going through a rough phase in life. Generally, men do not open up as easily as women do, so don’t expect a heartfelt conversation every time he’s going through a rocky patch. Something as simple as telling him he’s doing a good job or making him a nice meal after a long day can make him feel cared for. 
my questions? how can i continue to waffle? how do you know when it’s truly over? when you feel like you’ve failed, when you’re not sure if there’s anything left to save? and when your son (my son lives with me – is planning to move out, but has made it very clear that he hates the man I married – not because of my husband’s treatment of him, but because of the way my son has seen and heard my husband treat me) despises your husband? how do you forgive and move past?

Me too. But “disappointment” isn’t a value nor a boundary. What is a non-negotiable value of yours that precedes your disappointment? What decision would you make as a result? What consequences are you willing to face when your boundary for your relationship values is crossed? What invitation could a man/woman make to their partner to address the situation without blaming them? Self-reliance is all about owning our responsibility for our own initiative – without dependence on the outcome.
Hi, we are just the same but for me we don’t have a baby and I think he doesn’t want to have a baby with me😭😭, we’re married for almost 2 months and my husband told me that he never feel the satisfaction during our sex, i was so sad when he told me that it broke my heart so bad, then I ask him if what can I do to make him satisfy he just told me to pray for him, I’m so depressed and sad when he told me that😭😭
If you think they're at a loss for words, you can always spur the conversation or turn it into some sort of game. The key is interest, not so much the content or the topic. Seriously, it can be something that seems really boring, but as research has pointed out, "couples build intimacy through hundreds of very ordinary, mundane moments in which they attempt to make emotional connections." You've got to build somehow, even if it is just by asking someone's favorite color.
As women, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in raising kids, supporting our husbands, and running our homes-not to mention our careers outside the home! So many of us feel like we don’t even know who we are anymore!  We get bored with the monotony of our lives and start to wonder what else is out there for us. We start to crave excitement and adventure. We wonder what life might have been like if we had stayed single or married someone else.
When Paula finally accepted her boyfriend didn’t want her in his life anymore, she could finally start healing her heart. She started looking forward into her future, instead of back at her past. She started accepting her relationship for what it was, instead of wishing it was something it could never be. Here, in this article, you’ll find tips to do the same. You’ll learn how to cope when your boyfriend doesn’t want you anymore, and you’ll be encouraged to move forward in hope, peace and joy.
While it's healthy to go out and see your own friends, these people shouldn't take preference over your relationship. "If your partner always seems to have other plans and doesn't include you, it's a red flag that they aren't happy," Hershenson says. Speak up if your SO seems to care about their social life than what's best for you/the relationship.
For many of us, survive until tomorrow may be the closest we get to a mission statement. But once we have the basics of survival managed, we need something bigger to ground our lives in. In our twenties and thirties our goals are often 'find a job, find a partner, raise children, provide for our family.' These are very praiseworthy goals, but what happens when the kids leave home and the mortgage is paid off? That's when we find out that we never had any bigger mission.

Very well put Lily.  I have an ex boyfriend who had me rolling on the floor with laughter at times.  The exBF still calls frequently and makes me laugh. However, he is an alcoholic and unfortunately I have found many of the comedians are.  The ExBF does turn his humor on me during disagreements, which is what I mean by calling him unstable.  He also would occasionally heckle absolute strangers which I found humiliating and immature. So even though 70% of the time he was amazing and kind.. the rest of the time I wondered if he will embarrass me or tease someone of a more delicate constitution than I have, like my children.  I decided that he was a liability and untrustworthy although still there is no one who is more fun or knows me better or loves me more than he in the world.  He simply was out of control of himself part of the time.
Unless your husband has given your real reason to not trust him, always give him the benefit of the doubt. Most likely you have been cheated on or hurt in a past relationship, but don't let that baggage follow you into your marriage. Don't snoop in his phone, check his email, or spy on him when he's out with his friends. Let him know that you trust him and he will do all that he can to ensure he does not break your trust.
Also sometimes I just want to go out with some girl friends but my hubby gets up set than its transfer to me so I don’t go. He tells me after the big face go but tell your mom to baby sit cuz am not, I tell him go out you too but since he doesn’t have much friends other than his family he expects me to stay home too. If I go do my hair, nails ect it’s like how long, what Are we going to ect. I don everything other than fixing the house that’s all him but anything else pay bills, look for work estimates, buying things ect all me. He just works really hard at work n home but never any time for us alone or for me sometimes I just want to run. I currently work and go to school for psychology which am treating myself first. I just feel like there’s no me time I never get a break. And when he tells me ok let’s go out I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel attracted to him, I feel like I am missing out on things and am not one to regret because I love my kids and will do that all over again but at the same time I feel like I had to child hood myself having my daughter at 16 and being with my hubby since 14 but married 3 yr’s ago.
This is just a good standard practice in a relationship, and it’s great for nudging a loved one out of a slump. It involves really seeing them, the contributions they make, and highlighting them. If your partner works long hours and then takes on a lot of the work at home in the evenings so that you can pursue your passions, acknowledge them for that. If they’re giving of their time and patience with your family, let them know you notice that.
If your guy doesn`t text you as much as he usually did, he may be just taking a break. While you shouldn’t make a drama out of this, try to figure out why he needs that break. He may have problems at work, at college or some family issues. If everything is fine yet he doesn’t call or text you during the day, maybe your man isn’t interested in you and your relationship overall.
Right, My husband is very stubborn and hates doctors or anything. So everything's a challenge but I always tend to keep the house tidy even when we are both working. And I always cook because he can't cook lol. But he was the one I married, and I intend on keeping him for the rest of my life. So ladies, don't be afraid of anything because that stopped us in the beginning because I felt ugly to him but you have to learn to let things go in marriage.
I remember when my ex-husband came home from work and stated seriously, “we need to talk.” I wasn’t expecting the conversation that followed, and later as I sat alone crying I wondered what I had done, and also what hadn’t I done right. I racked my brain trying to pinpoint the cause of his words that rang in my ears. His words of, “I’m not happy anymore.”
The second thing that occurred to me is that you may be making excuses to stay where you are. Sometimes we’re afraid to make big changes in our lives, or tackle big confrontations with people, so we revert to “protecting” them….when we’re really just protecting ourselves. I don’t know if this is what you’re doing, but it is something to be aware of.
So maybe he doesn't make the bed or fold the laundry perfectly. "Allow him to make mistakes," stresses Weks. "Don't point them all out. Don't direct, control, or warn him. Certainly don't blame him. He is very sensitive and reads into anything that you say which can be read as blaming, causing him to feel less valued. All of these things over time will wear him down, and his feelings toward you will be the first to go."
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