I know that we are good together, I know that we both love each other deepy, but we are in a rut and I dont know how to get out of it. I want to be that fun, care free girl that he fell in love with and stop harping on the little things that he does wrong, but its so hard when I am hurting so much. I would just like some advice on ways that I can get us to be closer again, and eliminate the drama from our relationship. We enjoy each others personalityies and sense of humor. We are wildly attracted to each other. We are best friends, I just dont know how we got to this point and I am desperate to get out of it.
I’ve been married for 18 years and I’m so broken hearted over the fact that I’ve fallen out of love with my husband. He is a good man in the sense that he doesn’t drink, smoke, gamble. I know he would never cheat on me. But his investment into our marriage is “in his words” financial. Provides everything I need and want. When I’ve mentioned it’s emotional that our marriage lacks, he finds it funny. I’ve been to counseling and I have tried to use the right words to express myself, I’ve tried to take the correct steps to fix myself. I’ve boiled it down to our marriage is physical but not emotional. And I don’t know how to keep going with such a huge missing piece. I almost worry that I’m just delusional and that a mans desire to make his wife emotionally happy is unreal. I’m exhausted and I’ve just given in and am going through the motions and it’s killing me to just accept this is life.
Often, however, the people we love behave as if they don't want to feel better. They want to wallow, or are so debilitated by their suffering they can't even get out of bed—like my patient's brother. Sometimes the unhappiness of the ones we love is like a black hole, threatening to pull us into darkness ourselves. How can we orbit around such a strong negative force without being crushed by it ourselves?
But that's not your best bet: "Staying in a seriously unhappy marriage can have long-term effects on our mental and emotional health," says Carrie Cole, a couples therapist and Master Certified Gottman Therapist by the Gottman Institute. Research shows that people in bad marriages usually have low self-esteem, struggle with anxiety and depression, and have a higher rate of illness than those who don't. People feel sad and grieve when they decide to let go — but people who divorce do recover emotionally, and Cole says most find new relationships. In fact, "one statistic reported that 85 percent of those who divorce remarry within five years," she says.