you have to build up confidence and feel worthy without getting validation from another person. of course everyone wants their spouse to feel attracted to them but don’t base your sole confidence on whatever positive or negative comments ur wife may feel or say towards you. you have to learn to love and accept yourself before anyone else ever will. whether you feel over weight or not you still carry yourself like you are the man you wish to look like, until you loose the weight. oh yea don’t feel like having money is going to make everything better. money cant buy true love, friendship, or confidence. love who u are and evryhting will hopefully line up for you. good luck
Actually, it can be, if you make it that way. But, if you do so, be sure that the only thing your couple will think about is how to break free. If we want a marriage based on love, not fear, we should leave the space for both of us to breathe and expand. Freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever comes to your mind. You two know what is a part of your deal. But you want your husband to respect the deal because of love, not because he has no other options. Don’t make him choose between you and everything else. Love gives us wings, fear tides us in chains. You choose which one you’re gonna base your marriage on.
So you love him, you are not happy, he does not understand you nor your feelings. I think it's time you move on. I know it's as hard for you to acknowledge the fact as easy it is for me to point it out here. But believe me, it's the best thing to do. Love is way overrated and people misunderstand it a lot. If you are not happy all the time then it is not love. It just can't be. I strongly suggest you to move on and explore other areas of life. Don't feel bad if your love failed you. It's just a very small chapter in your life. Don't spoil the whole book just because of one torn page. You are the author. Fill it in and move on. Good luck :)

God help the adult child who shows happiness around a BPD mother. Maintaining one's own happiness despite a loved one's unhappiness may help sometimes, but my BPD mother seemed to take my happiness as a personal insult. She squelched times that should have been joyous (e.g., high school graduation) with cruel words and attention-seeking behavior. If that didn't work, she'd find a way to "up the ante." Last year she called me on my 35th birthday and announced "it's all downhill after forty." I thought she was just teasing me, so I teased back: "That's not what I heard." Her way to up the ante was to send me an email telling me that she and my father never wanted to hear from me again.
Just adding my 2cents… My 19yr old marriage has had a fork in it for quite some time. I’d gotten to a point of marital ambivalence and realized I was never going to love him and I’d never have the relationship I wanted with him. I was young and insecure when I dove into an extremly verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. I spent over 10yrs meeting his needs and doing what I was told. (take my boots off, get me another plate of food, why can’t you keep this house clean you skanky B…, Your wortless piece of sh**) It was pretty bad for me and the kids. But I believe a person can change if they want to bad enough. And I believe he’s in the process of real and permanent change but I could care less. I checked out emotionally a very long time ago with no desire to check back in. The bullet has left the gun but my finger is still on the trigger.
The first thing you should do before speaking to your partner is finding out why you are unhappy. Once you are able to tell your boyfriend you are unhappy, you two can talk about what has to be done in order for you to be happy. You may catch your partner off guard when you bring up the situation, so try to be the bigger person and avoid getting into a big fight. Make sure not to leave anything out when you have this conversation as you want your boyfriend to fully understand what led to this. After everything is out in the open, ask your boyfriend what he wants, tell him what you want, and get closure. Don't let this situation drag on for months, find a solution as soon as possible.
"Sharing bucket lists, and making them together, is a great way to get to know each other," Masini told INSIDER. "When your bucket lists are compatible, and you can see yourself supporting your partner's bucket list wishes, and you see them supporting yours, you're in a relationship that can go the distance. But, if you and your partner think each others' bucket list wishes are crazy and don't have a place in the relationship — then this isn't 'the one.'"
You mentioned someone going through a period of suffering in their life that they need time to get through (so this suffering is not permanent) and individuals who might have frequent dips in mood. I have a question about individuals who have a condition they have been affected by for a long time and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life. My mother has had what appears to me to be borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder for the past 23 years since I was born. How much responsibility is placed on the person for their behavior who has difficulty controlling their moods? My mother can obviously control her behavior around strangers (maybe she is around strangers in times of better mood), but I see her take out her emotions, problems, aggressions in private on her caregivers (my grandfather and grandmother). She is not able to take responsibility for her actions at all and is not expected to by her caregivers. Is this appropriate? Is it appropriate to forgive her behavior in every instance? Or to hold her accountable for her actions? Should her rude behavior, explosive emotions, inability to listen be excused as something she has no control over? Or should the person be held accountable for certain aspects of her behavior? This is difficult for me to deal with because my emotions in response to her behavior when I am around her get discounted by my grandparents because they use the model where she "is not able to control herself at all so she must be forgiven in all circumstances". Is this model of forgiving every circumstance appropriate? Thank your for your response.

it's always good to be honest w someone about your feelings. just sit down & talk to your boyfriend. tell him how you're feelings & what he's doing to make you feel unhappy. if he doesn't change after you've talked to him, then it's time to move on bc you deserve to be happy. there's no point in having a relationship w someone if you aren't even happy.
Wedded bliss, it seems, belongs in story-books. But interestingly, the most recent statistics reveal that divorce rates in the UK are falling. A report by the Office for National Statistics shows the number of divorces in England and Wales in 2009 (the latest year published) was 113,949, a 6.4 per cent decrease since 2008, when there were 121,708 — and the lowest since 1974.
My husband has cheated on more than 5 times since we got married3 years. He even done it while I was sick in the hospital due to our first child.These were not one night stand type of thing. He had emotional affairs(as far as I know, I highly suspected that he was also intimate with at least two women). Each affair lasted at least for 3 months. I have attempted to leave the marriage several times, but each time, my family and friends mediated us( I’m from a tradition were divorce is highly discouraged). Our last fight was November,2011.He denied the affairs each time and made me look like I was paranoid. He is always dismissing the situation and it’s always the same answer: were are “just friends” ,nothing is going on, “it’s not what it seems”. The ladies are all his coworkers…he is a contractor so he takes a new contract every few months and that’s when he starts the affair. He met the current woman he is talking to February,2012. I suspected he was at it again but I was afraid of finding out about it so I was avoiding it till yesterday, when he handed me his cellphone to check he’s new apps. I check his email and my worse nightmare come to life! He has been communicating with this lady at least 20 times a day! Note: She was let go of the company last week and he was still communicating with her, he even told her that he had a dream of her and asked her how she was doing.
Me and my husband have been together for almost five years but we have only been married for 6 months. We have a 3 year old and a newborn together. For some reason this pregnancy that I just recently went throuh was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It seems like right when I got pregnant and right when we got married he just started going out and like always hunting all of a sudden when I needed him the most. Everything I say seems to be wrong, he gets defensive no matter what it’s like everyone is out to get him but really everyone is just trying to help him. He drinks every single day and thinks he has no problem, my daughter loves him dearly but I just think I am only staying here for her sake and I know that I should be happy too. I am not sexuall attracted to him what so ever anymore because all he ever does is drink beer and not work half the time and never helps with anything around the house. I am just so done with it all and eveyone I know thinks that I am crazy for even being here at all anymore. I am just so scared of raising two kids on my own because I just feel like I will fail them and it is not their fault that their father doesn’t want to do the right thing and that’s why I am so scared and confuse when it comes to making that final decision. Ugh it is just so hard I am in my twenties and just feel so helpless!!!!
"People mistakenly believe that they shouldn't ask for what they want from their partner, when in actuality it is the best way to communicate and get what you want from your relationship. Your partner shouldn't expect you to meet all their needs—expecting someone to 'complete' you is a romantic idea but not a healthy one. But healthy couples do work together to make sure the most important needs are being met." —Clark
At last (six months after my son and I moved here) he’s left her but we are far from a happy family. He expects things to click back into place. He wants us to watch porn and have the crazy fun all night sex we used to … that seems to be all he wants! He refuses to throw away possesions he’s gathered since living with her (mainly clothes which are totally out of character to who he used to be). I tell him they upset me and he shouts me down, getting really angry, and tells me that she wasnt even with him when he bought them. He is being really insensitive towards my feelings. I have had to be the one to lean, compromise and sacrifice through our whole relationship and he cant even sacrifice some possessions. I know, from reading her blogs and things that he admitted, that he used to bend over backwards for her. I ask him to do a few favours and he says I’m demanding and gets angry. He constantly tells me he loves me and that we’re soulmates and he tries to be affectionate with me (though I’m becoming less and less responsive to this). But his actions tell a different story. I’m off sex with him – I still do it but nowhere near the standards we are used to, at times I feel sick. I dont love him anymore but when he says he loves me I say it back because when I’ve tried to end it with him or discuss our problems I get just anger or empty promises and my mind cant cope with that again. Through all this torment I have been in states of nervous hysteria. I have harmed myself and wished myself dead (although I didn’t contemplate suicide because of my son and a belief that I am worth a shot at life). So after this very, very long story I’ll get to the point. I realise that I have to leave him. Like I said, I’ve tried to several times over the last six months. But he begs me. He tells me that all we’ve been though cant be in vain … at last we can be happy. He tells me he will be dead inside without me. He threatened to close our business (he wont sell it even though it’s worth while finacially – he’d be ‘in no fit state to deal with it’). He said he’d move back to the UK and that I wont be able to stay here because I wont get any benefits and wont be get any financial support from the government and I wont get a job because of the language barrier – he knows how much I like it in this new country, and how good it is for our son who is really settling in well here – he is using this as leverage. I am in unfamiliar territory and, although I have made good friends here, I feel very alone. My family are a short plane journey away but I’ve never caught a plane alone – I am Not At All independant, as I’ve always depended on him and allowed him to make the decisions (mainly because he would shout me down if I tried to do otherwise). I am also feeling so much guilt about what I am taking away from my son – I always wanted him to have a normal happy family. And I feel guilty that I’m taking my husband’s son out of his life – I will always give him as much access as he wants (and he knows that) but I know that not saying good night to him eveynight will cut him up. So much guilt, so much self doubt … and I feel so so tired and weak. I dont have it in me to confront him again but I cant stay.
I found this post interesting. I am a stay at home mom (I only work a few hours a week). My husband is a good, moral, decent man. That will never change. But he used to be loving, caring, affectionate and helpful and that definitely changed. That being said, I try to take my job as a stay at home mom seriously. I do not expect him to do any “female” chores. Beyond being our sole financial support, he maintained all cars, the lawn, the trash and any major home renovation. I do the smaller ones. I’m not perfect, but I do my jobs. If I am down sick for 2 days, the house becomes an absolute h*ll hole. He has stopped even picking up after himself. I don’t say a word. But numerous times, during a bad argument he has complained that I do nothing. This not only hurts my feelings but it’s like “why am I even bothering?” And then it makes me question myself if I really am not pulling my weight. I mean, I really do try. But yes, sometimes I don’t get all the laundry done. Or maybe 1 day it’s the dishes and the next its a bathroom. I mean, I have many chores….and most days I would say I get 90% of it done. So each day there is something new that I didn’t get to I guess. He said it wouldn’t be acceptable at his work for him to not get everything done and he resents the fact that I don’t have anyone I have to answer to but he does. I don’t know. I just start to feel like I am failing. Some of these women seem to have it so together. Makeup done, not a hair out of place, kids beautifully dressed, house immaculate…I can’t seem to get there. And constantly feel bad.
If your husband's behavior is the reason behind your unhappiness, talk about it in terms of how it affects you rather than placing blame. One effective way to do this is through "I" statements. For instance, you say to your husband, "I feel lonely when you stay out late every night." This may help your husband see things from your perspective. In contrast, if you say something like, "You're so selfish for staying out all the time," your husband may feel attacked and be less receptive to your concerns.
We’ve talked about this when he is okay again. I’ve told him that he is unpredictable when he is that way. I’ve told him I can not and will not live this way and neither will the kids. Once he gets the whatever it is out of his system, he’s right as rain. He acts like nothing ever happened. I feel like he has been trying to do better, but now there are other issues.

Unfortunately, too many women I know get married and somehow, perhaps unconsciously, expect their husbands to make them happy. When things get hard — and they always do — rather than looking inward at where they may be at fault, too many women point the finger toward their partners. They blame him (or her) for the problems in their relationship. “If he would just pay more attention to me our marriage would be great!” or “If she would just help more around the house, things would be so much better.”
"Sharing bucket lists, and making them together, is a great way to get to know each other," Masini told INSIDER. "When your bucket lists are compatible, and you can see yourself supporting your partner's bucket list wishes, and you see them supporting yours, you're in a relationship that can go the distance. But, if you and your partner think each others' bucket list wishes are crazy and don't have a place in the relationship — then this isn't 'the one.'"
Me too. But “disappointment” isn’t a value nor a boundary. What is a non-negotiable value of yours that precedes your disappointment? What decision would you make as a result? What consequences are you willing to face when your boundary for your relationship values is crossed? What invitation could a man/woman make to their partner to address the situation without blaming them? Self-reliance is all about owning our responsibility for our own initiative – without dependence on the outcome.
Everyone deserves to be happy.  You determine what happiness means to you.  My definition of happiness is to be with someone who accepts me just as I am (as I do the same) and who shares my excitement and passion for life.   Define what happiness means to you and then go after it.  Create your own happiness with someone who shares your life goals, not spoils them 🙂

So I met my husband in September we married in January after knowing each other for a very long time. At the start it was amazing touchy Feely all over each other never wanting to be too far from each other intimacy was amazing we have been married 6 months and I'm not happy his phone is more important than coming to bed at night with me might get to me between 2 and 4am our sex had stopped he hadn't touched me since February he goes to work comes home and on his phone his phone is his best friend I tried yo tell him when we first got married to at least put it down to have our time and then things got worse. He thinks it's all me and not talking about it but I dong want to be a bitch and start cursing at him I have no idea what to do he's in it forever and we'll I'm not I feel lonely trapped and don't like being married can anyone help me
Some couples consider the "D" word -- Divorce -- off limits. If you and your husband have never thrown the "D" word around in an argument, but your husband starts to use it more frequently now, this is symptomatic that he is unhappy in the marriage. The fact that he uses the "D" word could indicate that he has given the possibility of divorce some thought, so it is best to confront him on what he is thinking.
All of these answers apply to both genders, but you are so angry you can’t see past the pronouns in the article. You’ve taken a practical choice, this website is aimed at women, as other websites are aimed at men, and turned into a slight against you. If you do that with a website then it’s a safe bet you do that in your personal relationships as well, this is really going to hurt your chances of being able to successfully communicate what’s hurting you to your partner. When you approach someone in anger it immediately creates defensiveness, an urge to fend off, repulse, and retaliate. Being calm and flexible is not the same thing as being passive, you can disagree and still see smokeless point (regardless of whether or not that point is valid). Approach your feelings, problems, and arguments calm and collected. This means you need to have examined and accepted your own flaws first, and be able to weather the invective that will be thrown at you. You also need to remain on point, which is hard when you feel like a big list of wrongs have been perpetrated. It seems that the big thing for you is that your wife doesn’t respect your time, she might not know she does that ( My family is old world and thinks it’s shameful for a woman to work and that it’s disrespectful for her husband not to provide as much as possible). I try thinking about it first from the defensive perspective of the other person first, “its your fault because”, “I may be bad but your worse”, etc, it’s easy because we all have those thoughts when we feel we are being attacked. My husband used to have temper tantrums at first, then he started really listening and we resolve things. Now, he uses my own approach on me when my hackles are raised!
If you confront her it will only lead to a heated exchange and a forcing of her hand. This route never really goes well. My opinion is to ignore the entire subject and stop trying to find out more. I mean this with all sincerity. I forced the issue and lost twice before. Maybe I am an expert? In any case don’t be rash and make any descions without looking very hard and long down the road of possibilities. Things never turn out well when you force someones hand. Forgive and move on or realize that you will be giving up everything you know as your life today. Proabbly your house if you own it at the very least the place you currently live. You will be starting over nearly from scratch. Don’t even think of harming her in any way as the law will have you as their prime suspect no matter what. Worse case scenario is you think you are smarter than 30,000 people and off your wife. The law catches you and your son has no momma and no poppa. DON’T DO IT. Forgive and forget any of it happened and pray to God for a marrage fix without ceasing. Best advice you can’t buy.
I have been married for the last nine months and have been with my husband for the last nine years. I am 25 years old. Lately my husband and I have been going through some really rough times. I want to have things to do in my free time (ie sports) that is for me. He doesn’t want to be involved but also wants me home when the sun goes down. Mind you I don’t stay out all night, I am home around 8:30 from practice. It has made me come to realize we are on completly different paths for our lives. He wants children now and I don’t. He thinks people should spend their free time with an extra job or house work and I don’t. We both hold down full time jobs and I am going to school full time also. We have a home that is paid for along with both of our vehicles, so why do we need to work all the time. I want him to support and be involved my life. He said he doesn’t know if he can make me happy but he doesn’t try or do anything different, when i suggested counseling he said “he wasn’t going to do that”. I don’t know what I need to do but I know I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. Help.
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Everyone deserves to be happy.  You determine what happiness means to you.  My definition of happiness is to be with someone who accepts me just as I am (as I do the same) and who shares my excitement and passion for life.   Define what happiness means to you and then go after it.  Create your own happiness with someone who shares your life goals, not spoils them 🙂
as a form of working on the marriage and refused to move back in several times yet the love making and sex has so much chemistry in it .always has.through out the year in januaury he said to much time and pain and he wasnt going to go any forther with trying my heart is so broken dont know what and how to get through to him please help we are christians and i desire this marriage to work

The most effective way to help others become happier, then, very well may be by focusing on becoming happy ourselves. This may strike some as selfish, but we can easily imagine flowing readily from our own happiness a heightened ability to encourage, support, and inspire. One strategy we shouldn't adopt, no matter how tempting it may be, is to give our unhappy loved ones what they ask for automatically without carefully considering the consequences. What unhappy people want is so often not what they need that this knee-jerk approach must in the end be considered unwise at best. We may feel impelled to give them what they want by our own sense of urgency to pry them out of whatever unhappy box they're in. But this urge often rises from our discomfort, not theirs, and causes us to suspend our good judgment in favor of what seems expedient.
My boyfriend told me is isn't happy, that things aren't the same between us. He says I'm not fun anymore and that I'm more serious now and I don't hold on a conversation with him like I use to. I'm going through some things, I lost my job things at home aren't good. I don't know what to do, he says he wants to me with me and he loves me and is in love with me. Should I give him space. I cant imagine losing him, he means everything to me . I want to change, I don't want to lose him and what we .

You can do whatever you want. You really want to try that new restaurant, but your man said no. You’re crushed. If you were single, you could go whenever you wanted. You can seriously do whatever you want. Haven’t you ever noticed how happy some single women are? They don’t base their happiness on a man. They do what makes them happy and if a man is a part of their life great. If not, great.

Hi, I’ve been married to my wife for 5 years and together for 7. We have 2 amazing children, life got in the way and we were not around for each other enough but still knew we loved each other. My wife went off sex after the birth of our first born. 6 months ago cheated while away on a hen do. States was nothing more than a kiss, but send messages and photos when came home for a period of weeks. She says she’s 50/50 and doesn’t know what she wants. 6 months later she still texts this man, stating it’s just a friendship now, and still won’t commit, says 50/50, and won’t be physically intimate (not even cuddling on sofa/in bed). Am I wasting my time? Can she come back to me or should I now walk?

I’m glad to see how marriage has evolved. It used to be much more transactional — happening principally to foster economic benefits or social standings or to produce children — but nowadays people typically choose to commit themselves legally to each other for far more noble goals. More and more people marry with the intention of experiencing lasting love and companionship.


I am the woman who loved him, supported him, and put up with him for well over two years.  I am the woman who kept coming back after he broke up with me. I am the woman who compensated and paid for everything because he couldn’t get a job. I am the woman who was there for him 24/7.  His family, of course, was on the other side of the country.  One of his siblings did say “we have always known there was something off about him, thank you for loving him enough to figure it out”, but then he was bullied by the rest of the family. So there was zero support coming from anyone.
Cheer up Jan, this one is for sure! One day you are going to laugh about this!!! ;0) You are not a victim, you guys lost in translation. :0) If he gets sexual with you, then this is the minimum that he should come clean and tell you why all this weird behavior from a newly wed husband? It’s not fair, and you feel that. Do you feel that he is dishonest? If sex is so amazing what drives him out from your warm bed? All you can do to be honest to him from your heart, find the right time moment, you can’t force nature, after you think and feel you have tried everything and still he is not changing or responding to your wonderfulness, then you have to decide how healthy it is for you to stay in this relationship. If this doesn’t work for you, then why not close this chapter and start a new one with beautiful shiny white papers, you are the star! The story is in your head and in your heart …Imagine your perfect life and allow yourself to feel that amazing feeling, be there, feel it and you manifest it. Stop worrying, what do you have to loose? A not working relationship whatever should the outcome be. I wish you happiness. All the best.A
I met my husband when I was 20 and we’ve been together 13 years, married 3 and have a two year old son. Right from word go we had issues with intimacy, so much so that I cheated on him early on, I didn’t hide it from him instead told him I wanted to break up as I didn’t believe we were right for each other as he showed such little interest in my sexually. He apologised, told me he adored me and asked for another chance, he said it was just the way he was but asked if I really just want a relationship based on the physical. That really struck home with me as I’d often felt the guys I’d dated before were more interested in sex than me as a person. So I gave him another chance and though we had ups and downs we grew to be great friends, but never great lovers. But whenever we were apart I missed him terribly and so felt it was worth working at. I also had a lot of emotional turmoil with my family during those years and at times felt very alone, he was always my rock and made me feel validated and loved – he’s always so proud of my achievements and quick to tell others how great I am.
In some of the comments, women have been very negative. The article states men are wired deferantly. When a man does something good, thank him, tell him IN SIMPLE WORDS, with a smile, how much you appreciate or love whatever he did. IE... When he does take a shower, hug him up look him in the eyes and tell him how good he smells, how you love when he's smelling all fresh and clean. If you tell a man what pleases you, he will do it again!
Scientists have proved that a man is able to listen to a woman attentively for only 6 minutes. That’s why, ladies, the next time you plan to have a conversation with your beloved, keep it short. The topics on which it is very difficult for a man to concentrate are unfamiliar people, celebrities, shopping, fashion, and diets. If possible, it’s best to discuss these types of things with your friends.
"People often think about the status of their relationship and where it's headed at the beginning of the relationship, but those conversations shouldn't stop. Not being on the same page when you're committed or married leads to unhappiness and divorce. Marriage is a big job. Don't say 'We'll figure it out later.' Later means never or when it's too late." —Darius Russin, M.D., M.B.A.

Did you just type, “He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated”? You need to dump that psycho before he breaks you.
What’s happened as a result has been brilliant. I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.
No stress to look good all the time. You could stress out about how you look and let a man judge you for what you wear or what you look like without makeup. Or, you could say screw it and realize how happy you are wearing whatever the hell you want. Without a man, you could spend a week in the same clothes without a shower if you want. I don’t recommend that, but you get what I mean. You get to dress for you, not someone else.
In every relationship mistakes happen where one partner is caught being unfaithful, then the relationship is now tested and may even end up ending, the crazy love spell makes sure that the relationship is back on track and the two lovers go back to being happy and in love, its not everyday where you are forgiven for being unfaithful to your partner that’s why if you find yourself in that situation you contact the good Dr. Eziza to help you solve this emotional problem on +2348058176289

I have been married to my wife for 4 years now. Our marriage got into trouble a couple of months into it. I have issues that needed to be dealt with, including my bout with visual enhancement (i dont want to call it pornography because it really isn’t since it doesn’t involve nudity, but let’s just say it isn’t appropriate for a man to look at while married to his wife.) It’s something that has been a part of me for 20 years, but have been seriously battling it for the last 5 years. I’ve had ups and downs, but with my wife complaining months into our marriage while i was trying to serve in our church because i loved to, she complained about the apartment we lived in, she complained about the money i was making, she complained about everything and she started showing her misery with life, then i got sick and was admitted into the hospital. During that period while i was trying to recoup in the hospital, my wife got into it with my sister and sent her a nasty e-mail which made my sister cry. The wife then tells me i need to stay at my mother’s house to recoup because she had to care for our three month old son. It was that interim when i tried to recoup from surgery that she refuses to talk to me and leaves me dry. When I get back after two weeks she lets out all these issues between us, mainly that she has declared my mother and sister her enemy because of percieved attempts on their part to dethrone her as my wife. She couldn’t prove half of her accusations, but more importantly she’s not sorry that she hurt my sister with that wicked e-mail. We then went into counseling but she only went because she declared i was the sole problem for the marriage. Her unrepentance, in her mind, was not a factor. She forced me to ban my mother from our house, ban my sister from having a relationship with our son, declared my family people non-grata, and gets upset everytime i visit my mom or honor her on mother’s day. She doesn’t understand having my mother, who raised me without my dad around, sacrificed her life to give me what i needed, banned from MY house is hurting me in so many ways, yet she doesn’t care. She has her family to go to, her friends she can see any time, and yet her response to me when i bring that up is “you made yourself second.” Ultimately, my wife did not want ANY hand in helping me deal with my own “sexual” problems. Instead I had to deal with it on my own. The sex between us became a problem, the fact that she totally disrespected me in front of our first counselor by bringing up stuff about me and blindsiding me, like the whole “semi-pornography” as i’ll call it from here, and leaving me to the wolves. She entered each counseling session with the intent of embarassing me and in her mind “fixing me,” yet never intending to deal with her issues. After a few episodes of her physically assaulting me (something to this day she NEVER apologized for,) insulting my relatives and causing a near brawl because of her selfish actions, and ultimately throwing me under the bus instead of working with me after i did commit an error against my wife. The error i committed can be construed as adultery, but it did not involve me having an affair or any kind of relationship with another woman. But it did involve me preparing to do some kind of extra curricular activity. Bottom line, even though that did cause a strain, my wife agreed we would work it out. Yet after 3 years, she not only disrespects me in front of my son, she not only acknowledges having my mother, who is very old, totally on the outside of our family while she enjoys the benefits of having her family in on EVERY outing and occasion we have, like our son’s birthday for example, she not only curses me out and reminds me of my sins against while justifying her sins (like posting an ad on a dating site, then when she was caught she lied TWICE about it to me,) she kicked me MULTIPLE times for the year I was unemployed and looking for work while attending school. During my unemployment she never offered ONCE to help pay for my school tuition, threatened to kick me out of the house, sometimes threatened to have her family beat the crap out of me, and got upset when i tried to do some work outside of school for experience because it interfered with her sleep time. And through all of this, she justifies it all, NEVER APOLOGIZED for any of the bad stuff she did and continues to do, yet blames the failing marriage on me. I was wrong with the stuff I did onto her and wish I can take it back, but it’s not enough even if I got from counselor to counselor and acknowledge i was wrong. She to this day insists it’s all my fault and i have no reason to feel any pain. I’m in a box, my wife resents that i feel any emotion not coinciding with hers, and makes me feel bad for expressing any kind of pain. We are currently seeing a counselor, and i have been talking to this counselor about my “semi-pornography” thing, but my wife even scoffs at that, too…I have been seriously thinking about moving out and ultimately getting a divorce. My wife is not serious about fixing this. She just wants to destroy me and then claim she tried to fix this. I am boxed in, and guilted into thinking i have no right to feel sadness or pain…
"A small indication that your partner is unhappy in your relationship is a trending inability to communicate," clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. Of course, everyone gets moody sometimes; this is something different. "We all have moments and moods," she says. "'Trending' means this has gone on for over a few days." This is one case of #trending being a bad thing.
Oh, as I read all of these comments, I am struck by how much so many of us are struggling with our relationships. My marriage of 20 years ended last year when my husband decided he was in love with one of his students and wanted to make a life with her. The two of us and our daughter had moved across the world for his temporary job and now I feel used and trapped! When I found out about this (no, he wasn’t honest about it, I found out accidentally)and he said he wanted us to live together as a family until I “got on my feet” and until he figured out what he was doing in this other relationship,I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew it because even when he was supposedly in our marriage, even at the best of times, he was not very giving or open emotionally and quite happy just working. I knew there was no way he could be present in any kind of relationship with me if he was falling in love with someone else!

But if we all get out of our own egos for a little bit and stop defending our worldviews, I ask you: if you had a choice between a partner who was anxious/moody/depressed and one who wasn’t, why would you choose anxious/moody/depressed? When I was feeling that way, believe me, I felt chagrined when women would pull away from me. But now that I’m on the other side, I can completely understand why they did.
No stress to look good all the time. You could stress out about how you look and let a man judge you for what you wear or what you look like without makeup. Or, you could say screw it and realize how happy you are wearing whatever the hell you want. Without a man, you could spend a week in the same clothes without a shower if you want. I don’t recommend that, but you get what I mean. You get to dress for you, not someone else.

If you cannot identify any specific parts of your relationship that make you unhappy, you may be dealing with a larger problem. In such cases, it might be a good idea to involve a couple's counselor, suggests Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith in their HelpGuide.org article "Relationship Help." If you are struggling with personal issues or with your mood in general – not just your marriage – let your husband know what you are experiencing. For example, frequent crying, insomnia or not enjoying the things that you used to may point to a broader issue. Once your husband understands how you're feeling, he may be able to help ease some of your daily burdens, as well as help you find a health care provider to help you deal with these issues.
God help the adult child who shows happiness around a BPD mother. Maintaining one's own happiness despite a loved one's unhappiness may help sometimes, but my BPD mother seemed to take my happiness as a personal insult. She squelched times that should have been joyous (e.g., high school graduation) with cruel words and attention-seeking behavior. If that didn't work, she'd find a way to "up the ante." Last year she called me on my 35th birthday and announced "it's all downhill after forty." I thought she was just teasing me, so I teased back: "That's not what I heard." Her way to up the ante was to send me an email telling me that she and my father never wanted to hear from me again.
When something comes up in life, whether that's a work event or any accomplishment and your partner isn't the first person you're sharing it with — or one of the firsts, Fleming says that it may be that "you prefer to get your needs mets outside the relationship." To that end, Greer points out that not having any meaningful conversations aside from "rudimentary conversations about chores and things that need to get done" is a warning sign that your relationship is not in a good place.
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