When your husband comes home from a day at work, do you give him a warm welcome, or do you greet him with a list of things that he didn’t do or that he didn’t do right? You both have every right to feel overwhelmed and tired from life’s stressors, but remember: You’re in a partnership and you should both be lifting each other up. By doing the opposite, you suck the energy out of the relationship and out of the bond between you.
Then have a conversation with them (use an appropriate method for their communication style to improve your rate of successfully achieving good reach/affect) stating what you believe their needs to be and how you attempt to meet those and that you'd appreciate their attempts to clarify their needs so that you can do a better job, and that in light of your requests you would to clarify what you really want out of this relationship. Proceed to detail what you want. Try to be really practical with examples rather than vague ideas.
I am the sole provider until my wife starts working and make decent money. I asked her to help paying for kid’s college fund, and her car maintenance and gas and (kind of expected) she got very upset and didn’t talk to me. I told her this is for the children and we should share the money in joint account as an option but she quickly ignored it. Her plan is use her money from work to build a new house in her oversea home town in which I don’t agree as it is more important to prepare for kid’s college fund first, and possibly help pay credit card debts that we incurred.
My pregnancy was definitely unplanned. My fiancé & I had sex one time & then found out we were pregnant just 2 weeks later. He was super shocked at first & kept telling me that it was still early enough for my period to possibly flush it out (he doesn't really know much about this kinda stuff), then he was really upset, cried for a few days, & didn't expect it to be a legit thing until we got it confirmed by a doctor the day I was suppose to have a period... Now we're a little over 16 weeks in & he's still terrified, but extremely excited to be a daddy <3
I admit not bringing up the topic again at this point because of my own lack of courage. I am not in an environment where I can sit down with my grandparents and have a discussion about my attitude and their attitude about my mother's behavior and illness. It seems to be treated as a taboo subject. I agree that I have been enabling her behavior more than I should out of my own fear of being reprimanded by my grandparents while I am staying in the household. I try to stand up when I can but I place myself in a position where I pick and choose which of my mother's behavior is acceptable and which isn't based on the belief of my grandparents instead of my own. I am struggling to redefine her illness for myself instead of using the model of my grandparents. It is difficult to be in a situation where standing up and saying we are enabling her behavior is actually seen as the disruptive behavior. I am told that by standing up to her that I am the one creating trouble and causing them problems (because they allow her to run back to them and complain and cause tantrums). So I submit out of my own fear that I am making the lives of the caregivers more difficult. Unfortunately I think they are making it difficult for themselves by allowing her to complain to them and enabling her behavior. I do not know what to do in this situation.
Nothing makes a man ready to listen to how dissatisfied you are like hearing how your friend Jessica’s husband takes care of the kids every Saturday for the whole afternoon while she trains for a triathlon.  Obviously he will commiserate with you over the injustice that Jessica, who despite her athleticism is not even that hot, has a better husband than you have.  He might even be so overcome with sympathy that he walks directly out of the house.  Don’t worry, I’m sure he is headed to buy you flowers to make up for his stupidity and selfishness.
I remember a brief conversation my parents had when I was 17 years old. My father, who had the day off and was working in the garage, came into the house and said to my mother, “Hey, I need to run to the store to buy a ladder. Wanna come?” Without even looking up from washing the dishes, my mom replied, “Why would I want to go with you to buy a ladder? That’s not fun.”
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me days before my birthday. He said, he is unhappy and that we know we love each other but we are not inlove anymore. We moved abroad to have a fresh start, cause last year he broke up with me too for 3 months at that time the relationship was in a long distance. But he chase me back and here we are now. Only 7months abroad something a new life, living in together. I asked him is there someone else so many times, at first he said none, 3 weeks after I found out he was already cheating while we were still together and before he broken things up with me with A YOUNGER GIRL at work. The day i confronted them, dont get me wrong, i still get them the respect even they did me wrong, he said he was going to tell me that night but I just knew or had proof already. I was so crashed but i know i still love him, i couldnt even hate him, he was doing her and doing me too. He said he has his reasons why he did that. But for me, you cheated. It shouldve hurt less if you didnt, upto this day he says that he has reasons why he had done such. He already moved out of our apt and chose her infront of me. I can’t explain the feeling i have. I didnt believe it until I saw it, i always tell myself he can’t do that to me but I was wrong. The person that i love so much did it and it hurts like hell.

Klapow also told me that some men have a hard time realizing that in successful marriages, people continue to evolve and change but within the context of someone else. "Men often want to go about life at their pace. Learn, grow, change (or not change) as individuals," he explained. "What they don't understand is that their growth or lack thereof has a direct impact on their partner. Often men find themselves being forced to finally grow up and they don't like it. They love their wives but they want their lives to be the same."
Well I'm in a similar situation... I've been with my boyfriend since late 2009 (we recently celebrated our three year) but for the past couple of weeks we've been argueing like crazy. I do admit I am the type that can come off as needy or smothering, and I am trying my best to work on that issue as I know that it pushes him away over time. Recently it's become so bad that he's tried to end things with me on a couple of occasions because he is not happy with me. However we are now at a point where he thinks its best if we "take things slow" by maybe giving each other more space for a couple of weeks. He says he still wants to work things out between us. I don't know what to make of it. I'm not sure if he's being genuine about wanting things to work, or if he's just doing this so that he doesn't hurt my feelings. Any insight would be appreciated!

"People often think about the status of their relationship and where it's headed at the beginning of the relationship, but those conversations shouldn't stop. Not being on the same page when you're committed or married leads to unhappiness and divorce. Marriage is a big job. Don't say 'We'll figure it out later.' Later means never or when it's too late." —Darius Russin, M.D., M.B.A.


For a loving man, the requests and wishes of his beloved (not friends or distant relatives) will always take first place. In fact, men like to help women — this gives them the opportunity to demonstrate how cool, strong, and responsible they are. Of course, there are situations when a man cannot help, for example, he does not know how to repair a faucet, but he certainly should not leave you alone to deal with this problem — he will call the plumber, instead. However, if the most innocent request, like asking for help changing a lightbulb, is perceived with annoyance and as just “yet another unbearable task,” the relationship is worth reconsidering. Is it possible that your man is helping some other woman and with greater enthusiasm?
I have to agree with lonelywife. I was happily married up until the 8th year and I dont know what happened. Its like I woke up oneday and my marriage and life are in shambles. I was married prior to another man for 3 years – who abused me physically and mentally. I left him because CPS threated to take my son away if they got another call for domestic violence. Then I met my current husband – who was my knight in shining armor to save and protect me. He raised my son from my prior relatioship and we have had one together since then. Hes commited infidelity a few times to me (that I have rock solid proof of – there could be more that I dont know about). bUt i felt we could work throught it. Now.. I feel alone. I work 2 jobs, take the kids to school/daycare, pay all the bills etc. I go through my routine everyday and there is no time with my husband. He doesnt participate in anything. I am hopeless. I keep having dreams that I am hanging in the closet by shoe strings and my family keeps walking by me like Im not there. Its very sad. I am very sad and loney.

I have been struggling in my relationship for seven months. I have been in this relationship for almost three years common law and we have a 1.5 year old daighter. We each have a six year old from previous relationships as well. I know I’m settling. He’s brought major financial problems on this home – thankfully we have nothing joint in our finances so it was all in his name- but then I still have to overcompensate on the bills to make HIS half ends meet. He’s proven to be a pathological liar, after this long he still doesn’t accept my six year old son as his own- even though I have fully bonded with his six year old daughter, so much that I have a friendship with his ex. He goes through cycles of atleast 3 days a month where he won’t talk to me not even to respond in small talk- like I don’t exist and he plays mind games this entire time. He’s ripped me off $4000 and now he’s drug himself so far down he can’t really even cover his bills. I’ve almost left multiple times ( actually he’d be the one leaving cause he can’t afford this home) but keep giving him ” one more chance”. I’m not sure if I’m delusional thinking maybe one day he’ll come to the end of himself and grow up and that things will get better. But I’m finding mySelf feeling more trapped and unhappy. 90% of what has kept me here is my daughter I have with him . What do I do? How do I kick someone out that has nothing? How do I avoid being manipulated into giving him another chance ? How do I protect myself from his vindictiveness after I do end it ? Please, any advice will do. Of course there are so many other details but there isn’t enough time or space.
MARRIAGE, THE WHYS THIS EVERTHING I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY MY HUSBAND A GREAT MAN A GREAT HUSBAND, A GREAT PARENT OVERALL HE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME… HE ONE DAY DECIDED TO LET ME KNOW HE WANTED A DIVORCE, I HONESTLY WAS VERY BLINDSIDED AND SHOCKED, I LOVE HIM IM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HE WANTS OUT AS WELL AS HE WANTS TO THROW IT ALL AWAY, I ALWAYS BELEIVED I WAS GOING TO GROW OLD WITH MY HUSBAND I TOOK VOWS THAT ARE STILL SACRED TO ME WE RENEWED OUR VOWS I NEVER ONCE CHEATED ON HIM IM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EACH DAY WHY THIS IS TRANSPIRING I BELEIVE HE HAS MADE UP HIS MIND ITS OVER AND THERE IS NO CHANCE HE HAS AN ALTERNATIVE PLAN I DONT EVEN BELEIVE HE EVER LOVED ME. I GIVE HIM HIS SPACE I STAY OUT OF HIS WAY WE STILL LIVE TOGETHER BUT I AM SURE THERES AN ALTERNATIVE SOMETHING ON HIS PART I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO WORK ALL THIS OUT HE WANTS NO PART OF IT ITS VERY HURTFUL AND SAD THERES NOTHING I CAN DO I TRIED TO SPEAK BOUT THE MARRIAGE HE STATES WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON AND HE WANTS OUT I BELEIVE OUR MARRIAGE WAS A PURE LIE TO ME FOR OVER 20 YEARS. I NEVER ONCE STOPPED LOVING HIM ALL I EVER WANTED WAS HIS ATTENTION AND AFFECTION AND LITTLE TIME FOR US. ANY SUGGESTIONS? OR IS IT OVER AND GO ON? PLEASE ADVISE I APPRECIATE AND WELCOME ALL ANSWERS THANK YOU SARA JOY
If you cannot identify any specific parts of your relationship that make you unhappy, you may be dealing with a larger problem. In such cases, it might be a good idea to involve a couple's counselor, suggests Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith in their HelpGuide.org article "Relationship Help." If you are struggling with personal issues or with your mood in general – not just your marriage – let your husband know what you are experiencing. For example, frequent crying, insomnia or not enjoying the things that you used to may point to a broader issue. Once your husband understands how you're feeling, he may be able to help ease some of your daily burdens, as well as help you find a health care provider to help you deal with these issues.
well fast forward to now, we separated in 2010, i moved to SC in 2011, i came home because i love no one like i love him, he keeps swearing that we are gonna work on this but every week the kids are (again) subjected to witness an unhealthy exchange between their parents, he calls me out of my name when he talks about me cheating, we have had some fights-i have had to be rushed to the hospital because i have fainted from arguing or being constantly badgered about my past sex life (i have congestive heart failure & type 2 diabetes)! he is an alcoholic & 6 1/2yrs younger than i am. now we are supposed to be moving in another apartment starting fresh & he tells me that his soul doesn’t agree with me-thats new! he has always said that he doesn’t trust me-even before i cheated! so last night he says he can never be proud of me or our marriage! smh-i don’t know what to do! i just know life can’t possibly be this miserable-i was happier when we were separated!
"People do not experience love in the same way, and if you're not speaking your partner's 'love language', that can result in great unhappiness. Dr. Gary Chapman detailed the five different love languages to help couples learn and speak the language of their spouse — those languages are quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gift giving. Learning to speak a partners' love language has saved many marriages." —Kim Olver, relationship coach and author of Secrets of Happy Couples
Well, sometimes is difficult to have certain conversations. However is important to try solve a situation rather than avoid it, feeling unhappy in a relationship is an important matter. Before the actual conversation there is some preparation I suggest to follow and always have worked personally for me. First of all think why you feel unhappy. When you have solved that, think what would you like to get out of the conversation. Do you want to work things out or end the relationship, if you don’t know is alright. Now you should have: firstly, a reason why you feel unhappy. Secondly the impact on you so far which is the fact you feel unhappy and finally an aim, which is what you are aiming to get out of the conversation. All you need now is to be calm and clear with your boyfriend. From the moment when he will have a clear picture of what is going on, it will be easier for both of you.
I would have gone to the ends of the earth for this man and stayed forever, if he had been willing to work on his issues.  But in the end, you cannot force a grown man to do that if that is not what they want for themselves.  Should you subject yourself to yet more emotional torture and hurt whilst they spiral ever downwards?  What is the use of two people’s lives being destroyed? Very often it is the tough love in this world that has motivated those people to get help and improve, not the silent suffering of those they love.  Moreover, I don’t believe people with serious issues necessarily want to hurt those close to them – so I actually think calling a halt to the madness can be a kindness for all.

LOL! This is great. My mother has a huge portrait of herself breastfeeding me up in the living room of her house. I have no idea why, but she just thinks it’s the best. It was so awkward in high school and college. I remember one girl I brought home to meet the family very clearly. She was curious about which of us children that was in the picture. My mother explainer to her that it was me, and wasn’t I just adorable. This girl looked at my mom and then back at a mortified me and just said, “Well. Some things never change.”

me and my husband got married in 2010, after we met in 2009 we got engaged pretty fast but he was the perfect guy he did everything then he changed after a couple months, I try to be the perfect wife but I find myself sometimes paying all the bills all the house work and my daughter the outside work.he become insensitive and says disrepectful comments bout me to my kids.a woman emailed me over facebook and called me and a few months later my kids found out he was talking to another woman and I told him about it he said he wasnt then a few months later I find pics and sexual texts from his ex now he says he’ll change but hasnt an continues to talk to ex and be disrespectful I want to be with him but from what i understand he’s been lik this with every woman he’s been with I continually forgive him in hopes he’ll change for me lik I for him. I dont kno what to do. Should I leave him??
To my fiance’ bills do not seem to be prioritized. I’ve seen at least 20 cell phones bought in the 7 years we have been together, b ecause she doesnt like this one or that. The preschool our child attends already informed us that she is behind in some skills but how can I try my best to get her to learn when mommy could care less? I’ve spoken to friends and relatives on both sides of the family and because mommy doesn’t want to hear the truth from others, she will not only alienate herself but I and my daughter from everyone. At one point in time about a year ago, we lived in a motel room, with no family to turn to except one. And now she is beginning to alienate us from this person too. I’m at wits end. I have a disability but it does not hinder me from shopping cooking cleaning or tending to my daughters needs. If mommy shops, its all garbage food. The school bus stop is a block away; she wont walk our child down; I have to drive her. She doesnt clean house very often. I have problems with my legs so my mobility is limited at times but I will stand in the kitchen n cook, or spend an hour or more shopping or walk my child to the bus despite my pain. Why? Because my daughter comes first in my eyes, always had and always will.
Well I'm in a similar situation... I've been with my boyfriend since late 2009 (we recently celebrated our three year) but for the past couple of weeks we've been argueing like crazy. I do admit I am the type that can come off as needy or smothering, and I am trying my best to work on that issue as I know that it pushes him away over time. Recently it's become so bad that he's tried to end things with me on a couple of occasions because he is not happy with me. However we are now at a point where he thinks its best if we "take things slow" by maybe giving each other more space for a couple of weeks. He says he still wants to work things out between us. I don't know what to make of it. I'm not sure if he's being genuine about wanting things to work, or if he's just doing this so that he doesn't hurt my feelings. Any insight would be appreciated!

You mentioned someone going through a period of suffering in their life that they need time to get through (so this suffering is not permanent) and individuals who might have frequent dips in mood. I have a question about individuals who have a condition they have been affected by for a long time and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life. My mother has had what appears to me to be borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder for the past 23 years since I was born. How much responsibility is placed on the person for their behavior who has difficulty controlling their moods? My mother can obviously control her behavior around strangers (maybe she is around strangers in times of better mood), but I see her take out her emotions, problems, aggressions in private on her caregivers (my grandfather and grandmother). She is not able to take responsibility for her actions at all and is not expected to by her caregivers. Is this appropriate? Is it appropriate to forgive her behavior in every instance? Or to hold her accountable for her actions? Should her rude behavior, explosive emotions, inability to listen be excused as something she has no control over? Or should the person be held accountable for certain aspects of her behavior? This is difficult for me to deal with because my emotions in response to her behavior when I am around her get discounted by my grandparents because they use the model where she "is not able to control herself at all so she must be forgiven in all circumstances". Is this model of forgiving every circumstance appropriate? Thank your for your response.
Can't remember your last date night? If you're not planning any important or special events together on top of not spending time together in general, that's not good news for your relationship, says Greer. Make an effort to get a couple outings on the schedule — maybe a movie night or a dinner at your favorite spot — and see if you can rekindle the flame. Marriages take work, and putting in the effort on things that bond you as a couple is part of that.
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