These exact thoughts went through my head too. Having been through a bad marriage, where my husband got angry, distant, and resentful any time we hit a rough patch – and as a young, low income family with two children, one with Aspergers and the other one with ADHD (both undiagnosed until they were 12), we had a lot of those – I completely agree. The only way to start a family is to start it with someone you can count on, who will support you and carry their weight, who won’t let you down or check out on you emotionally when things get hard. Otherwise you’d be doing a huge disservice to yourself, your future family, and your future children.
My husband of nearly 5 years told me last night that he is not happy and hasn't been for almost a year. The long and short of it is he says there isn't a way for hime to articulate his unhappiness. he thinks that while we always knew our personalities were different, it's just taken us the almost 7 years we've known each other to realize how different they really were. Looking back, I can say that things haven't been great, but I've not been unhappy recently. It's almost like we were living as roomates. I suggested couples counseling, he doesn't want to do that. I'm lost- I don't want my marriage to end, I truly love my husband and can't picture my life without him in it. Please help- has anybody gone through this and survived married?
So, I got married at 18yrs. Right befor my husband join we got married. I am the worst wife ever. Cheated on my husband twice, and in love with the other. Thing is I dont know what to do anymore. I want to go but the guilt.. He doesnt want to let me go. I seriously don’t know what to do, or even what is the first step. I am so pathetic. I told him the first time UI cheated on him which was last summer, he beggged me to stay. Whats wrong with me?
What about those that married and dreamed to have children and 4 years into the marriage you find out your wife will not be able to bear any of your children because of medical reasons and she has one of her own who is a teenager (girl) living in the household. The wife is not up for adopting and now she is like if you decide to leave she will understand because she has a child from a previous marriage and she understands a bond that a parent has and the father may never get to have that. The father can't stand to watch anything on TV where a family has a child or movies that reference a family with kids on it for awhile because he believes their lives are filled with so much happiness of taking care of a kid of their own blood. So...what... stay or leave.
Despite this we resolved to try to remain together for the sake of our children. At least that is what I read into the situation. In reality it was another avoidance tactic on both our parts. Avoiding the very obvious point that the marriage had been dead for years. We were no longer friends let alone lovers. Despite the agreement to try, and for her and I not to stray, the infidelities continued on her side. Random men picking her up in some cases, others found for her by her friends.
HELLO MY NAME IS JANE I AM 44 YEARS OLD HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL KIDS. MY HUSBAND AN I MARRIED FOR 19 YEARS. HE IS A GREAT FATHER AND HUSBAND. BUT WHAT HURT ME THE MOST IS HIS LIE , ALWAYS HAVE EXCUSE WENT I CAUGHT HIM IN A LIE.IF YOU ASK ME HOW MUCH I TRUST HIM ,I WOULD SAY ONLY 20 PERCENT.WHAT I FEEL INSIDE MY HEART IS I LOVE HIM AND DON’T TRUST HIM SOUND STUPID RIGHT. EVERY SINCE HE LOST HIS DAD HE DO THE DUMB THINGS, HE BLAME HIMSELF BECAUSE HE WAS NOT AROUND . I SAID TO HIM YOU ARE NOT JUST HURTING YOURSELF YOU ARE HURTING ME AND THE KIDS. HE OWE SO MUCH MONEY WHICH WE ARE PAYING OFF LITTLE BY LITTLE. WE HAS A TALK YESTERDAY AND I SAID TO HIM I FEEL BETTER IF YOU DON’T LIE TO ME AN TALK OUT THE PROBLEM WITH ME . I SAID NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY BUT YESTERDAY I COULD NOT SLEEP JUST WONDER WHAT I SHOULD DO?
As we mentioned earlier, women consider that having a partner is the greatest reward for a man. Finally, they care about the house and the children. Unfortunately, men with time, begin to feel less and less cared by their wives. They want women to be their supporter and partner and give something to them. But certain habits are hard to change, so there is a need for sincere conversation and understanding. You want him to keep saying that you are great, but when have you told him the same thing?
One of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage is how healthy each partner is, emotionally and spiritually. The healthier you are, the better your relationships are. If your husband is a good man – emotionally and spiritually healthy – and yet you’re struggling with boredom, lack of fulfillment, and unhappiness in your life and marriage…then the answer is within you.
I happened across this page by accident but I found it pretty interesting whe I read the complaints you have all made about your husbands or long term partners. I have to say, as a man, for several decades now the media has drilled into our heads that men are evil and women are their victims. I’m certainly not going to tell you that history clearly indicates women were under valued in our society; howeve, having said that, I must tell you some of what I have read could be quotes from movies or books telling the tragic stories of abused women. Some of you are simply looking for someone to give you permission to leave your marriage because you are tired if the marriage, not because your husband has or is doing anything wrong. It seems to me that women are becoming more bold in their pursuit of a “better life.” hoping to find the man who can fulfil all their dreams. You need to leave dreams where they belong! Dancing in your heads while you sleep. They have no real value In true life! Sorry but you aren’t fulfilling all of our dreams either but fortunately for men, the media is telling us we are the “bad” of relationships thus causing men to believe there is no reason to talk, complain or share no one cares what you, a man, thinks. Men talk amongst themselves and tgey are reinforcing to each other that idea is true. Women want their men to share, so they say, but want most of them really want is for men to listen to the woman and feel what she feels and make that their feelings so he can meet her needs. I’m not blaming women… I’m saying media sources are out to make a dollar and are going to make that dollar at the expense of our relationships. More and more women are finding themselves attracted to other women believing, again because it’s what’s being said, that only a woman could understand her. I securely predict in the next 20 years media will find a select type of woman who is the blame for those failed relationships and unsuspecting women will began to make Internet complaints about how they are trapped in their relationship with these women, who were initially suppose to be the answer. Men will began to recover from their own low esteem issues and in time society will circle and women will seek men as their answer again. The truth is quit listening to everyone who tells you you are being victimized and understand that all relationships have their troubles. If your man is truly treating you like garbage and without respect as an equal, get the hell out and never have a guilty feeling about it! He is responsible for his decisions too. Trust me I have as much to say to men as I have to you ladies. Your not stupid are drowning in self-pity… You are the victim if media. They spend millions every year to know how to get into our heads. We should all cut them off where it hurts! Start reading carefully selected materials and do away with the idiot box all together! But then thus is America, we thrive on entertainment just as did Rome before its collapse. America is cycling at a record speed. Truly folks I’m not ragging on you at all, I’m just hating that we are at the point that we would rather believe the lie rather than even hear the truth. I wish you all the best of wisdom and choices. Live a happy life but know happiness and perfection are two different animals such as a horse and a unicorn.
My question to Laurie: Is that All that you are going to say to peter? You have totally thrown in to the sea of forgotten the reason he got to the infidelity in the first place. Maybe you need to go back and review that article. I mean seriously , what the hell could he have done to stop her from acting like that? All too often women want men to be men and understand why he has to go a whole year without sex, sandwhiched with disconnection and disrespect on HER part, mentally beat us for what their fire mothers went thru with our forefathers which none of either sex had nothing to do with or know anything of,(which made life better and women and children more respectable and families STAYED TOGETHER), have freedom to be with other people and show off, and then you wanna make stupid little forums about how to subtly throw the man under the bus when the WOMAN IS THE ONE DOING IT ALL???!! Women have gone too far and its time us husbands had done something about it. You are like my wife; the woman with her husband in walmart with the tight shorts that crawl into her juicy ass that i asked her not to wear because its doing exactly what i didnt want which is other men having their attention GRABBED by it but show me enogh respect only because im there to not yell out DAM!! that ass is juicy, but would approach her if i werent there. and when they turn away her walk changes statements from im sexy to if you dont look at me theres going to be big problems. im going through the same as you peter only difference is the four kids i helpd her raise are not biologically mine; which makes it even harder. And everyday i ask myself the same question as you while these reptilian women get congress’ support to sabotage and rape us of our manhood for a mere laugh.If there was ever an organization to put an end to such debauchery and mutilation of the man child species, you can bet your man panties you can look me up and make me apart of the regime!
Me and my husband were great to begin with now he just cannot be bothered with anything to do with me at all. He is all for our daughter and leaves me out completely. He is also sneaking out late at night. i still love him but this is hard to take. We have been together seven years and I’m only 26 I don’t wanna be a divorcee in my twenties!!!!! please help!!!!
Thank you for your article, there are so many questions that go through your head when you are contemplating divorce. Your article put a lot of things into perspective for me. After 26 years of marriage to a really good man, I'm just not sure I love him the way I should anymore and I think he is equally feeling the distance between us. I truly thought he was my forever (if that even exists) and it is so hard to make that final decision to leave. Addictions are the biggest problem, gaming, pornography, etc. and it is really the emotional emptiness that hurts the most. Trying to understand why someone becomes so addicted to things (so easily) is frustrating for me. I've tried to listen and understand his problem, but it just seems like a weakness more than an illness to me. For anyone going through this, I feel empathy, it is honestly the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life--and I haven't even filed for divorce yet. Thanks again for the article.
Knowing that 'happy ever after' was a fairytale idea, I fell in love with my wife, married and gave up the job and lifestyle I'd chased my whole life to spend my future with her. At first it was passionate, loving, happy but then the situation changed both in terms of my employment, the arrival of children and the disparity of earnings between my wife and mine.
When we first met and the first year of our relationship, up to the first few months of the marriage were wonderful… but as soon as we got married he stopped caring… about much of anything really. He doesn’t shower like he should and smells horrible. Doesn’t take care of most personal hygiene. Refuses to partake in housework. Refuses to leave the house for anything. Didn’t shave for a month recently. Only did it because his MOTHER told him to. I’d been getting on him for weeks about it because even not trimming it looked sloppy.. but he didn’t bother. Doesn’t care about his appearance at all. It’s like he stopped needing to make an impression once he got married.
He'd started to act grumpy again and we talked about it, but he said he had no time to see a counselor. Then Sunday he said he was going to hang with a buddy. I don't know why, but I got a really bad feeling, so I drove to where he said he was and he wasn't there. I called him and he made up a lie, and then another one and another one. He was willing to drive drunk to try and cover up what he was doing even. I went home and he went home. He cried and said he'd been doing coke that day and didn't want me to know. He said he had lied about it several times lately and felt terrible.
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on local television, blog radio, telesummits, and podcasts all related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men. He provides 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites including his own blog. You can connect with him via Facebook too.
"Have you ever been in an amazing relationship where you just ached to be in some type of contact with your partner?" dating expert Noah Van Hochman asks Bustle. "Whether it by text, phone or email, you just couldn’t wait to contact them? Well, if one person is not happy in the relationship, they can wait (and usually do) to respond back to you." Uh-oh. This has definitely happened to the best of us, and it's a terrible (and oft-ignored) sign.
Hi i have been married now for 10 years I was married at 19 My husband and I have 2 great children but that seems like the only thing we have in common anymore. It seems like all we do is fight. I know I love him but not sure if it is a love of a spouse or more like a love of a brother. He works supports me and the girls he doesn’t cheat but has the most awful attitude anymore I don’t know if I want to leave or try and work it out sometimes I feel like i wish he would not come home for work Please help I am so confused
I heard from a wife who said: “the other day, my husband said that he needed to be honest with me about something very important. I thought he was going to tell me that he lost his job or that we were struggling financially. But I was completely wrong. And I was completely blindsided when he said that although he still loves me, he is not happy being married to me. I was in so much shock, I couldn’t even get out a decent response. He said he felt that I deserved to know the truth about this. He never said what he intends to do about it. So I’m still not sure why he would even tell me this unless he’s trying to warn me that he is getting ready to file for a divorce. I know that I need to ask him to clarify all of this, but the idea of him further telling me why and how he’s not happy is almost more than I can bear. What do men really mean when they say that they love you but aren’t happily married to you?”
I think your advice is good, here, and if a man can achieve loving himself, and being happy within himself without validation, then that’s great, and that’s what he should do. I’m not absolutely sure what form this validation takes, but I’m assuming it’s largely through sex, at least that’s how it comes across to me: that a man like this may want perhaps-too-frequent sex from his wife in order to maintain his masculine ego. If this is the case, and maybe even if it isn’t, it makes me think of how this need for masculine validation is a product… Read more »
Our relationship had really hid the skids once we got married and work for him took over. I tried to write him a letter to let him know how much his critically comments were hurting me and taking over my life and self esteem, he grabbed the letter and said, “I dont have time for your shit” I was really depressed at the time and drinking alot which he hated. Worst of all , he didnt really care that A: I was upset and B: I was no coping to look after our child. He told me one day he hated me so much he could punch me in the face. He has aggression and childhood issues, which i was always sympathetic for as well as my family. As our 2 year anniversary for our wedding came around which he didnt want to spend with me i decided to go away and it changed my life. I felt a sense of freedom and relief when i got home and ended my marriage. My child welcomed the fact, although only young sensed the tension. I have moved out but my husband will not let go and will do anything to keep us together. This has been a hard and abusive time. We had tried counselling in the past which I literally had to drag him too, since then he has vowed to change and do anything it takes to keep our family together. I am worried that illl fall into his charms. We have a ridiculous sex life even when we hate each other its full on passion, but thats not enough for the emotional hole i had when with him. Should we give full on counselling a go, or should i cut the ties and move onto a stable loving person???? INDIA
Be the woman he knows sitting at home on the couch. This doesn't mean you need to belch in public or walk around in your sweatpants all the time. This just means you don't have to put up a front for the ladies in your child's class or act snotty in front of his friends. You are who he fell in love with, so you should never feel like you have to be someone else. Be respectful and courteous when you are both in public, but don't try to hide who you are. Having that strong sense of self and high levels of self-confidence are what made him attracted to you in the first place.
Try to give your husband the attention and intimacy he needs on a daily basis. Be aware of the danger signs of a cheating husband and nip it fast in the bud. You must be willing to invest in a system that will teach you how to handle conflicts in your marriage in a healthy and safe manner. Some women will stop to talk to their husbands over a simple argument. Some even talk to their husbands using injurious and abusive words.
"A small indication that your partner is unhappy in your relationship is a trending inability to communicate," clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. Of course, everyone gets moody sometimes; this is something different. "We all have moments and moods," she says. "'Trending' means this has gone on for over a few days." This is one case of #trending being a bad thing.
If you’re married to a good man and you’re unhappy – or bored, unfulfilled, grumpy – the problem isn’t your husband. You already know that he’s not the reason you’re unhappy. You know your marriage is fine, if not the most exciting relationship on earth. You know there’s something more to life, but you can’t put your finger on it. So, you look to the most important person in your life for answers: your husband.
Are these rules and changes familiar to you? Is his parents’ marriage like this? Did something change in his life short after your wedding? Honestly, have you seen any sign of these trades of his personality before the wedding? If your chemistry is so amazing, what kind of hurt and time is he talking about? What is he talking about :0)? After reconciling not too long ago, what is causing the problem now? The old stuff?
For whatever reason, you feel dependent enough on your boyfriend that you can't imagine being without him. Maybe it's because he always fixes your car, pays for your stuff and lends you money, makes you feel less alone or gives you something to do. Whatever the reason, don't stay with someone you are too dependent on - stay with someone if you genuinely want to be with them!
Hello I have a story to share with everyone who is currently having issues in his or her relationship. I was faced with a serious problem at a point in my relationship,I am married to a man I started dating at a very tender age. It was rosy at the earlier stage we got married in 2007,we had our first kid a year later....things were working out fine..but something happen at some point that almost wrecked our marriage,he started staying out late,coming home with a lot of stains and all sorts of women fragrance on him and spend weekends in a hotel with ladies of different sizes and so on....I tried all I could to talk to him but wouldn't listen. I saw a counsellor who I thought could help all to no avail. I felt it was wrong to disclose my family issues with other people but the moment I did there was a solution...I met an old friend back in high school whom I talked to she said she had similar problem in the past,that a certain man helped her by doing some spell stuff which I decline initially...to cut the long story short,I gave it a try at the end of the whole spell casting process and prayers,bath it worked. Am happy with my man now and we having a splendid reunion. Contact this address to get help also,firstname.lastname@example.org. Am recommending this to you because it helps.
What did you do two years ago that you don't do now?...These are the place in life that you must go back and find...When you forget the happiness of your yesterday's that brought you together, problems will set in...This is the secret of true love...Looking at the boy in the man in front of you and not letting boredom of life set in...I believe in each partnership that there has to be a dominant person who sees this happening and doesn't let it fester...Sure it takes two to tango, but one to lead the dance of life....
At this moment, I am still ready to move on, but again, the fault is mine!! “If you want to stay with me it is OK, otherwise I can’t stop you from leaving” are the actual words”. It is difficult to equalize the things we did to each other, but I cannot forgive her now only to plot how to hurt her bad down the road. This is what she did to me. In her defence for my presenting the evidence, my “affair” constantly came up. She still refuses therapy and I am at a breaking point. She still claims she has not done anything wrong and I guess according to Laurie’s article this smells like the end. I refuse to believe that, but I guess it is a matter of time before more truth smacks me in the face and wakes me up from this illusion that I live in.
"People mistakenly believe that they shouldn't ask for what they want from their partner, when in actuality it is the best way to communicate and get what you want from your relationship. Your partner shouldn't expect you to meet all their needs—expecting someone to 'complete' you is a romantic idea but not a healthy one. But healthy couples do work together to make sure the most important needs are being met." —Clark
One of the most important things to do here is to communicate with him. Invite him to share his feelings with you and be open to criticism. Remember, this is exactly what will help you to pinpoint what is needed right now. When communicating with your husband help him to feel at ease and know that he shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you about these things. Show him you’re in tune with his emotions, and you’re there to do what’s in your power.
Hi, I’ve been married to my wife for 5 years and together for 7. We have 2 amazing children, life got in the way and we were not around for each other enough but still knew we loved each other. My wife went off sex after the birth of our first born. 6 months ago cheated while away on a hen do. States was nothing more than a kiss, but send messages and photos when came home for a period of weeks. She says she’s 50/50 and doesn’t know what she wants. 6 months later she still texts this man, stating it’s just a friendship now, and still won’t commit, says 50/50, and won’t be physically intimate (not even cuddling on sofa/in bed). Am I wasting my time? Can she come back to me or should I now walk?
I fell in love with a boy in another religion when i was 18 years old.now iam 25.we both are of same age.im his third girlfriend.he promised me that he wil love until his last breath.but our relationship has a lot of problems.i cannot think of another man in his place.i love him so much that i cant live without him.i have told him many times that how much he mean to me as a boyfriend, but he stopped talking to me now..i cant think of even a second without him.he too said that he loves me so much.but things are getting different.we both are at different states.we see twice in a year since this relation started.now he is pursuing mba.he joined his new college last year.there he got lot of friends.
He told me he has incredibly high expectations for the world and the world simply doesn't meet them. He feels that he needs to hold people accountable to higher expectations and believes the world is "dumbing down", going to a more mediocre way of thinking. After he said that, I asked him why he doesn't change his expectations, if he knows no one will live up to them, wouldn't having lower expectations and having people meet them make him happier? He told me perhaps, but he is unwilling to do that because then the world would win, and he wouldn't be keeping his beliefs. Aaargh!
Try to determine the cause of your boyfriend’s mood. Ask him if he had a bad day at work, a fight with a friend or if he lost something important to him. Learning the cause behind his mood is the first step to dealing with it. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t want to talk. He may not answer, but just asking shows him that you care and gives him an invitation to talk when he’s ready.
Our instincts can often tell us first when a relationship just isn't working — but we don't always trust that voice, says couples therapist Susan Pease Gadoua, co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels. "We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama." We're trained to trust logic in many areas of life, so when a niggling feeling ("Am I really still in love with this person?") presents itself, it's hard to pay attention to it because there aren't any hard facts or rational reasoning. Drill down on that initial instinct and ask yourself more specific questions. If you find your responses are things like, "I don't feel safe to express myself, I don't feel respected and haven't felt happy in a long time," that's a sign that things have gone awry — and you shouldn't ignore it. "The truth doesn't go away simply because we don't want it to be there; that voice stays in the background and weighs on you," says Gadoua. "Getting quiet within is key to being able to hear instincts. And like a muscle, the more you trust your gut, the easier it becomes to decipher that voice — which comes from your heart — from the voice in your head."