Thank you for this. I think that is my problem. I have looked for everything that is wrong. I am going to do my best to hold my high and just keep pushing until I can do better. I am just angry with myself for over looking the signs with I first started dating my husband. I guess I need to forgive myself for believing in him. For giving him the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, the expression of love is important just as much. From a big hug to many kisses. The desire to touch another human being is a basic necessity, just as the heat of a squeeze is something that brings us comfort. You can do this experiment: If you see a sad person in the street or your boyfriend is in a sad and unmotivated state, go and give him a big kiss, you will see how his mood changes instantly.


One of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage is how healthy each partner is, emotionally and spiritually. The healthier you are, the better your relationships are. If your husband is a good man – emotionally and spiritually healthy – and yet you’re struggling with boredom, lack of fulfillment, and unhappiness in your life and marriage…then the answer is within you.
Learn to be patient. It takes time to change a man already neck deep in cheating and emotional affair. Give your husband time to dump his mistresses and stick to you. Do not challenge or abuse him but advice him on the financial, mental, health and moral implications of his actions. Soon, he will realize that the woman outside is not better than the one he is married to and he will become forced to stop cheating.

"Taking time to regularly cuddle, touch, and show love and affection for your partner stimulates chemicals in the body like oxytocin and dopamine, which foster feelings of attraction. Without that feeling of connectedness, a divide can form, which can lead to unhappiness. Even a short amount of intimate time daily with your sweetheart can really keep that bond strong." —Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life


I have been married for 16 years now and finally at my wits end with my wife. I do about 90% of the cooking, finances, cleaning, yardwork, grocery shopping, house/car maintenance, mowing, flowerbeds, helping kids with homework, etc. You get the picture. She is a slob, depressed and chooses to do nothing most of the time around the house (unless it is reading a book or playing video games—DUH!) although she does work full time and we have 2 children whom I love dearly. I am so tired of not getting the help I deserve from her. Did I mention that I worked on my Master’s degree and PhD also while working full time? She chose not to finish college and doesn’t want to go back…too much work for her I guess? I average around 100 hours per week (due to my PhD) and she works 40. Yet I get to do all the above items….I went into this marriage as a 50/50 split to share responsibilities and committments yet get very little from her at all. Have you ever fell asleep standing up, leaning over a dryer at 2 am because your partner wouldn’t do the laundry but she would read a book??? A romance novel to boot???? I have left the bathroom in our Master bedroom go uncleaned for the last 9 months to see if she would clean it….not a chance…she wiped out the sink and the toilet seat with a cleaning wipe and that was it. Amazingly it is OK with her. She doesn’t get dirty = germs which = people get sick more often. Her clothes are piled all over the room, she will walk out of the kitchen without thinking of doing the dishes or even wiping the counter after she messes it up. The new car we bought is constantly a disaster (so is our home) and she NEVER attempts to clean it, wax it or even take care of it. It is just over and over the same thing. I usually have to get up the next morning early and clean up everything prior to feeding my kids–which she won’t do most times “find yourself something to eat” is what normally comes out of her mouth. Weekends are a terror to me….she stays in bed until 9 or 10 am and watches TV most of the day…while I clean, have to work at the University, mow, shovel snow, etc. Can you believe what a completely non-caring self-centered individual she is?? This is the kind of lunacy that I have put up with for the last 16+ years and I am just so done with this. I am worried about my kids, whom I love dearly, and how this will impact them as well as the house being unfinished and not ready to sell yet – which it will most likely have to be since I sunk a large part of my assets into it for the down payment (she added none of her money for it). She is depressed but I am the one that is always to blame and I am SOOOO tired of it. Sex is infrequent if ever (have went as long as 8 months without her doing anything and we now are at 3 months and counting, once a month lately is a miracle)…We see a marriage counselor but that is just fingering pointing at me again and again and again. She tries a little to change but goes right back to her old habits very quickly. She never completes the change. What am I supposed to do and where can I find a woman who is caring, respectful, and wants a husband who will share the burden 50/50, not complain about it, is active, highly intelligent and deeply cares about a partner that they are in love with???? I am to the point that I have stopped caring about her and rarely have anything positive to say about her, to her or for her. I have lost my sex drive for her and really don’t care to have sex with her anymore. She has caused so much hurt and anxiety with her “not doing it ” attitude (I realize that this is linked to the depression also – which is permanent post partum and will most likely never get any better). I am the one with the “problem” —HUH???? OMG I will go insane if I hear that again at the counselors office. What can I do? All I want is a nice, caring, share the burden with me, wife that appreciates a good relationship and is willing to care about the family, house and us???? I apologize for the poor grammar, spelling errors and the associated but I am just so fed up with it!!!

i cheated for 3 reasons, he paid me no attention, nor the kids & i’m very big on family, he is content on being alone! he changed his work schedule from going to work at 5am & being home by 2pm to going to work at 5pm & getting off at 2am-so we always missed each other-he would complain about what he hates about me & what he wouldn’t tolerate in a wife (like me having male friends, but he had female friends), but if i ever mentioned something he needs to change, it always comes back to me! i hated life-i got up to 252 lbs. i cannot express myself in music nor clothes! so my needs have never been met in this relationship-except being financially taken care of!
Unless your husband has given your real reason to not trust him, always give him the benefit of the doubt. Most likely you have been cheated on or hurt in a past relationship, but don't let that baggage follow you into your marriage. Don't snoop in his phone, check his email, or spy on him when he's out with his friends. Let him know that you trust him and he will do all that he can to ensure he does not break your trust.

At the same time, my husband and I started working on PureCouples. We launched the website in 2016, and I started blogging about marriage and relationships more regularly. Blogging made me feel like I had something to contribute to the world beyond changing diapers and doing laundry. People across the world read my blog and found it helpful, and more importantly, I loved the feeling of satisfaction I got from writing. Writing made me feel like my world had clicked into place.
Even though it solves nothing, I have Google and read over a thousand things like this. Because I’m lost and pissed off at myself for being lost. We dated for a year and 3 month, and I thought “this is it, he is the one for me”. It’s been long distance and I was finally getting everything in order for me to move across the world so that we could be together. And then, the breakup. He doesn’t know what he wants, he’s not sure if he will always feel this way, and finally today, to give myself so sort of closure, I told him that if he truly doesn’t love me anymore: say it. He did. So now I’m here, broken hearted and confused. But also, empowered and excited for the future even though I can’t stop crying. I have no idea where life will lead me next and of course I’m sad because I still love him. But mostly, i am grieving for the fact that I really believed this man, who hurt me this bad, was going to be the person I’d spend my life with. I’ve written down why he was wrong for me and I’m carrying it with me everywhere I go. He was emotionally closed off. We had a poor sex life. He was half a world away most of the time. I have my life planned and I know what I want. It’s not him, it was never him and if I can remind myself that enough I know I’ll be okay in time. Stay strong ladies, we don’t deserve anyone who doesn’t see our worth.
If your husband stops displaying interest in you on a physical and emotional level, this can be a sign that he is unhappy. Consider some of the behavior patterns your husband used to display and compare them to the way things are now. If he no longer initiates intimate relations, or seems uninterested in talking to you about your day, then something has changed.

Kathleen, I admit the first paragraph of your comment struck a chord. Last summer, my boyfriend of two years walked out on me, out of the blue – just told me at the end of a weekly date night that he was leaving, handed me all my things from his apartment, that he’d packed before he left home that evening, and I only saw him once since that day. The only indication he’d given me was three days before he left, when he said “you were not happy last night”. Last spring, i.e. 3-4 months prior to that, I had a loss in my close family, my workload around the house doubled, then I changed jobs and my new job was harder than the one before it, and took a while to adjust to. Things got easier by the end of last year, but in the summer, I was completely exhausted from having all that new workload on top of trying to meet my ex’s many needs. I was still happy for the most part, just very tired and more irritable than my usual easygoing self. I admit that I still feel disappointed with him that he couldn’t wait for the hard times to pass, offer help and support, or even tell me that I had changed and ask me to get help (since I was too tired to even notice). Instead, he just walked out when I needed his help the most, because, after two years of making him happy and meeting his needs, there came a brief period of time when I couldn’t, and he just refused to put up with that. I still feel that he betrayed me, violated my trust in him, and let me down. I used to respect that man a lot and I don’t think I will ever be able to anymore.
"In my job as a divorce mediator, often a spouse wants to tell me the whole backstory to their divorce. But I can tell you what really happened — in every divorce, someone (but usually both people) feels dismissed, discounted, disrespected, or devalued. These are major indicators of unhappiness." —Elinor Robin, PhD, Divorce Mediator with A Friendly Divorce in Gainesville, FL
I dated my wife for two years, prior to marriage. Been married for 8 years now. We have 1 beautiful daughter, and bought a house in the city she has always wanted to live in. I have provided, supported and never asked anything of her that wasnt unreasonable. We have never had any problems till recently. I just got out of a job, that has supported us for nearly 8 years, and have had a two month slump in work. But I am now back on my feet, providing, supporting, and not once did we get behind. She got stressed and found support, and eventually started an emotional relationship with another man. Long story short, I gave her an ultimatium, end it or I leave. She ended it, but claims she has nobody to talk to, wont look at me, talk to me, and cant be in the same room as me. She is now bashing me to close friends, and blowing things way out of proportion. I am lost, confused, and still in love with her. But I cant live like this. She refuses any counseling, and says to leave her alone, but doesnt want to leave. I need help.
What does your post have to do with having a moody bf? Do you have a bf? I don’t think so because  I sense a veiled attempt to relay that you think the guy you mention should dump his gf for you. I wonder what would happen if he did? Maybe you’d be subject to whatever treatment she’s getting, then you’d be sorry. Or at least discover the empathy for gf that you’re lacking now.
I've been married just 3years but I find no meaning in my marriage.everyday I feel regretful that I made this commitment.I hoped for friendship,companionship,love and care but pain is everything there is.my husband and I hv nothing to share.he has a world of his own while I figure out how am gonna have to live with my kids in this.we have a little girl who sees me cry a lot about my unhappiness.Now am expecting and distressed.I hope one day I find a happy life through a good choice.
my questions? how can i continue to waffle? how do you know when it’s truly over? when you feel like you’ve failed, when you’re not sure if there’s anything left to save? and when your son (my son lives with me – is planning to move out, but has made it very clear that he hates the man I married – not because of my husband’s treatment of him, but because of the way my son has seen and heard my husband treat me) despises your husband? how do you forgive and move past?
Encourage him to share his feelings with you if he tells you there isn't a problem with the relationship. Tell him what you've noticed in his behavior and ask what might be going on in his life you can help him with. If he has any issues and decides to be open about them, this will help ease your mind that the issues aren't with your relationship. All that will be left after that is to give him the space he needs to work through his issues and help him when he needs you.
“Not every woman will go after a man who “goes to the mountain like a lion” to paraphrase DJ (from another discussion). ” ____________ More importantly, I’m famous! Kidding, and always enjoy reading you, Kal, but I can’t take credit for that. Steve actually coined the mountain lion term. I just took it to extreme. I spent a marriage like yours. It sucked. Steve asked what price we’d pay? I paid a big one, walked away, lost a business, home, everything…but I’m happy now, and what got me through that was the fact that I was confident in myself, that… Read more »
Have you been feeling your partner slowly or suddenly pulling away? In an interview with Bustle, Cecil Carter, CEO of dating app Lov says this is a hint that your partner has become unhappy in the relationship. It’s important when you feel them pulling back to have a conversation about what is happening to learn if its a problem in the relationship or external factors that having nothing to do with you. By having the conversation early, you can hopefully address any of the problems that are making your partner want to pull away, or just give them the space they need to come back on their own.
We were married in 2007,its was an arranged marriage in India but settled in Melbourne, Australia.we had a baby this 2011 July. This March 2012 I discovered my husband has been seeing another woman. And then in a month I discovered that he was trying to bed more women when I was overseas with my lil son from Nov 2011 to Feb 2012.his call summaries had text and call logs at weird hours.one if them is still a mystery cos she has never told me wat hapned between them.
This was so good for me to read. My now ex-boyfriend and I had just over two wonderful years together, and we really did think we were going to spend our lives together. We had discussed marriage and kids; we had real intimacy, warm companionship, trust and that nice, easygoing sense of partnership with one another. Then he began to get “moody” as he hit certain bumps in life — which escalated into a depression that went well beyond our relationship. Like Katie’s boyfriend, he isolated himself and pushed me and his friends and loved ones away. He stopped doing things that made him happier; he sort of just atrophied in his life. He said being with people and making plans felt like “a chore,” and that aspiring to hopes and dreams felt “futile.” And like Katie’s boyfriend, he thought his feelings and outlook were beyond his control, no matter how much we talked or discussed. That’s when I realized I had to walk, because ultimately I believe that taking responsibility for your own fulfillment and happiness is key to a successful life (and relationship!)
While it's healthy to go out and see your own friends, these people shouldn't take preference over your relationship. "If your partner always seems to have other plans and doesn't include you, it's a red flag that they aren't happy," Hershenson says. Speak up if your SO seems to care about their social life than what's best for you/the relationship.

You describe a difficult situation. I don't think anyone can CONTROL their emotions but I'm convinced they can INFLUENCE them (by which I mean work to make them more positive—but not by simply deciding to make them more positive). All human beings have executive functions that can, most of the time, mute the effect of negative emotions on behavior (e.g., we can get angry but choose not to yell or hit).

I have been married to my wife for 4 years now. Our marriage got into trouble a couple of months into it. I have issues that needed to be dealt with, including my bout with visual enhancement (i dont want to call it pornography because it really isn’t since it doesn’t involve nudity, but let’s just say it isn’t appropriate for a man to look at while married to his wife.) It’s something that has been a part of me for 20 years, but have been seriously battling it for the last 5 years. I’ve had ups and downs, but with my wife complaining months into our marriage while i was trying to serve in our church because i loved to, she complained about the apartment we lived in, she complained about the money i was making, she complained about everything and she started showing her misery with life, then i got sick and was admitted into the hospital. During that period while i was trying to recoup in the hospital, my wife got into it with my sister and sent her a nasty e-mail which made my sister cry. The wife then tells me i need to stay at my mother’s house to recoup because she had to care for our three month old son. It was that interim when i tried to recoup from surgery that she refuses to talk to me and leaves me dry. When I get back after two weeks she lets out all these issues between us, mainly that she has declared my mother and sister her enemy because of percieved attempts on their part to dethrone her as my wife. She couldn’t prove half of her accusations, but more importantly she’s not sorry that she hurt my sister with that wicked e-mail. We then went into counseling but she only went because she declared i was the sole problem for the marriage. Her unrepentance, in her mind, was not a factor. She forced me to ban my mother from our house, ban my sister from having a relationship with our son, declared my family people non-grata, and gets upset everytime i visit my mom or honor her on mother’s day. She doesn’t understand having my mother, who raised me without my dad around, sacrificed her life to give me what i needed, banned from MY house is hurting me in so many ways, yet she doesn’t care. She has her family to go to, her friends she can see any time, and yet her response to me when i bring that up is “you made yourself second.” Ultimately, my wife did not want ANY hand in helping me deal with my own “sexual” problems. Instead I had to deal with it on my own. The sex between us became a problem, the fact that she totally disrespected me in front of our first counselor by bringing up stuff about me and blindsiding me, like the whole “semi-pornography” as i’ll call it from here, and leaving me to the wolves. She entered each counseling session with the intent of embarassing me and in her mind “fixing me,” yet never intending to deal with her issues. After a few episodes of her physically assaulting me (something to this day she NEVER apologized for,) insulting my relatives and causing a near brawl because of her selfish actions, and ultimately throwing me under the bus instead of working with me after i did commit an error against my wife. The error i committed can be construed as adultery, but it did not involve me having an affair or any kind of relationship with another woman. But it did involve me preparing to do some kind of extra curricular activity. Bottom line, even though that did cause a strain, my wife agreed we would work it out. Yet after 3 years, she not only disrespects me in front of my son, she not only acknowledges having my mother, who is very old, totally on the outside of our family while she enjoys the benefits of having her family in on EVERY outing and occasion we have, like our son’s birthday for example, she not only curses me out and reminds me of my sins against while justifying her sins (like posting an ad on a dating site, then when she was caught she lied TWICE about it to me,) she kicked me MULTIPLE times for the year I was unemployed and looking for work while attending school. During my unemployment she never offered ONCE to help pay for my school tuition, threatened to kick me out of the house, sometimes threatened to have her family beat the crap out of me, and got upset when i tried to do some work outside of school for experience because it interfered with her sleep time. And through all of this, she justifies it all, NEVER APOLOGIZED for any of the bad stuff she did and continues to do, yet blames the failing marriage on me. I was wrong with the stuff I did onto her and wish I can take it back, but it’s not enough even if I got from counselor to counselor and acknowledge i was wrong. She to this day insists it’s all my fault and i have no reason to feel any pain. I’m in a box, my wife resents that i feel any emotion not coinciding with hers, and makes me feel bad for expressing any kind of pain. We are currently seeing a counselor, and i have been talking to this counselor about my “semi-pornography” thing, but my wife even scoffs at that, too…I have been seriously thinking about moving out and ultimately getting a divorce. My wife is not serious about fixing this. She just wants to destroy me and then claim she tried to fix this. I am boxed in, and guilted into thinking i have no right to feel sadness or pain…
I’m Indian and Married to Romanian (Girl). We used to work in same company but on different locations and fall in love, it was kind of distance relationship..but something unbelievable. Almost 6 months we talked like this way and then decided to marry..She reached to India and we married. As our decision was to stay in Romania I accompany her there…In the beginning things were beautiful but gradually sweet turned in to sour…I take all responsibility as I was scared for my career…cause of global economy downfall I could get no job in Romania. Whenever I try talked about on this matter to my wife she got upset….she always said there are many people jobless don’t worry I am with you..but my esteem was not allowing me to sit back and peruse life on my wife’s salary…my biggest frustration not was, I have no job but I could do nothing for her….whenever we used to go out I could buy nothing for her and I always felt so bad, being a husband I was not able to do what I need to (take care of her by all means) it pinched me always…..

get out, get out now, while you are still young. I was you 5 years ago. Don’t focus on the little details of why you can’t leave, your mental wellbeing and freedom are worth more. If you cannot find the strength to do so then find a councellor to help you find the strength and clarity you need. They can be pricey, but you would be amazed at what will come your way when you are ready for help. God be with you and be safe.


I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats family and friends well, and has a calm yet serious personality that complements my emotional personality, which flusters easily.
Last night we went out and really didn’t drink much at all. I was clear and sober through the entire night, and I thought he was too. We went to a couple of bars, had one drink at each, and moved on. When we got to the last one, my husband decided that we should have a shot of something, but I am not sure what it was, I was busy loading the jutebox with Christmas music. After the shot, I got a mild buzz, so I figured he did too. We left the bar and walked toward home. On the way home, it happened again. He started screaming at me about something having to do with my son and I walked away. I had no interest in another fight. He yelled at me to get out of his house and that I was not taking my son. I yelled back at him not to worry, I would and as he has no rights to my child, I would be taking him with me. My son, by the way, was at hhis grandmothers house, where he goes every Thursday and every other weekend for visitation with his grandparents and his father. My husband ran up behind me, grabbed me by my hair, and dragged me about a half a block back, telling me that I was not going back to the house, I was not welcome. He did this twice. Being that I was now in pain, I screamed for help both times, to which he replied that there was noone to help me. I called his sister, whose house it is that we lived at. By this point I was hysterical. When he realized who I called, he cussed at me and stormed off toward the house. I started walking the other direction, with the idea in my head that I would walk the 15 miles it was to my son’s grandmother’s house and sleep in the boat she has on the lawn. My sister-in-law came and picked me up, taking me back to her house. She told me to go to bed and lock the door, he would sleep on the couch. Now it is morning, he is alseep on the couch, and I am still angry that he had the nerve to threaten my relationship with my child. I am also a little scared, he had never put his hands on me before. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

MARRIAGE, THE WHYS THIS EVERTHING I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY MY HUSBAND A GREAT MAN A GREAT HUSBAND, A GREAT PARENT OVERALL HE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME… HE ONE DAY DECIDED TO LET ME KNOW HE WANTED A DIVORCE, I HONESTLY WAS VERY BLINDSIDED AND SHOCKED, I LOVE HIM IM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HE WANTS OUT AS WELL AS HE WANTS TO THROW IT ALL AWAY, I ALWAYS BELEIVED I WAS GOING TO GROW OLD WITH MY HUSBAND I TOOK VOWS THAT ARE STILL SACRED TO ME WE RENEWED OUR VOWS I NEVER ONCE CHEATED ON HIM IM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EACH DAY WHY THIS IS TRANSPIRING I BELEIVE HE HAS MADE UP HIS MIND ITS OVER AND THERE IS NO CHANCE HE HAS AN ALTERNATIVE PLAN I DONT EVEN BELEIVE HE EVER LOVED ME. I GIVE HIM HIS SPACE I STAY OUT OF HIS WAY WE STILL LIVE TOGETHER BUT I AM SURE THERES AN ALTERNATIVE SOMETHING ON HIS PART I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO WORK ALL THIS OUT HE WANTS NO PART OF IT ITS VERY HURTFUL AND SAD THERES NOTHING I CAN DO I TRIED TO SPEAK BOUT THE MARRIAGE HE STATES WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON AND HE WANTS OUT I BELEIVE OUR MARRIAGE WAS A PURE LIE TO ME FOR OVER 20 YEARS. I NEVER ONCE STOPPED LOVING HIM ALL I EVER WANTED WAS HIS ATTENTION AND AFFECTION AND LITTLE TIME FOR US. ANY SUGGESTIONS? OR IS IT OVER AND GO ON? PLEASE ADVISE I APPRECIATE AND WELCOME ALL ANSWERS THANK YOU SARA JOY
Who doesn’t enjoy a compliment from their partner every now and then. It reinforces why you’ve chosen each other and helps create a sense of security. Surely they can only mean good things, right? Well… according to Salkin, sometimes compliments can actually be warning signs that your partner isn’t happy, especially when they start to feel a little off . She explains that when your SO starts giving you compliments that are unnatural or just too much, “for example, he or she tells you how perfect you are and how he or she doesn't deserve you” that it may actually be a “a backhanded foreshadowing that something is up and that they're looking for you to break up with them.” Confusing, right?
Start by evaluating why you are unhappy. Then consider when your partner/boyfriend might be receptive to hearing you. Do not wait until an argument, or until the next trigger for your unhappiness. Try and think of realistic, positive outcomes and how to achieve them. Maybe after a fun activity, or during a private moment, try asking them what they think about the problem. Start small. And be open minded! Sometimes the problem looks different once you lay it out on the table. Remember, this is a relationship -- you have to be able to give AND take!
I grew up in a home where the men have sharp wit, make puns, tell entertaining stories and speak fluent sarcasm. Life in general is addressed with a side of humor. I am drawn to people with this sense of humor, from friends and co-workers to strangers and customers. I love the challenge and excitement that witty banter provides me. I find it’s my way of connecting with people.
The topic of the forum is not to understand why marriaged fall, but to know when they are near the end as is the case with mine. Your comments have some obvious contradictions in them and I would like to point them out. When you forgive someone, that means you move on and do not bring the issue up in the future. If she is trying to get back at me, that means she did not forgive. And you did not read well, I am the one who is willing to forgive, save the marriage and move on. And you also did not read well that I did not have any physical contact with my “affair: who was btw overseas, so yes I cannot stand the fact that she kissed another guy all the while she violently rejects even holding hands with me.
While it's healthy to go out and see your own friends, these people shouldn't take preference over your relationship. "If your partner always seems to have other plans and doesn't include you, it's a red flag that they aren't happy," Hershenson says. Speak up if your SO seems to care about their social life than what's best for you/the relationship.

We all have our ways of dealing with stress, and for some of us, we play video games, some of us go hiking with our friends and some of us drink a lot of coffee. As long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else, let him work things out on his own, and just be a supportive friend. You’re more likely to receive the same treatment when you go through changes too.

hey a guy should not like u because of what u look like all the time he should like u for how u are and what kind of hart u have i should no my boyfriend i have now is my hero he loves me treats me good my others were not they only wonted what i had so just think about what i said and just be your self and have fun because u never no what might happen
i have been married for a year and we have a 18 month old son together. in the past my husband had been talking to his ex and he had her phone number he had also been talking to girls saying he would rather be with them then making money for his family and he kept telling girls how beautiful they are but he wasnt telling me that i was pretty. we had signed divorce papers and i kissed a coworker which i told him about and i apologised many times he brings it up a lot. recently i had an ectopic pregnancy and that caused some stress and while i had it he shoved me and i fell and broke a pack and play and got injured the police were called and we didnt see eachother for a week we decided to stay together but we argue all the time and when hes not at work which is 5 hours a day he is always sleeping or on facebook or watching tv we barely even speak and he barely spends time with me or our son. i dont know what to do anymore ive told him how i feel but nothing changes.
If your married and you go and listen to your Husband’s ex’s what is this a sign of??? My marriage is about to end and my wife has let my 3 ex’s into our marriage… She said that she was a woman of GOD but who does this… Do you find this action immature at some point… Then she did bring in baggage from an early marriage etc… We could never talk after she started talking to them… She said it was better to talk with them than me… So I left the house… She has 4 kids that I was taking care of that were not mine… She never looked at this… Each night was about the ex’s etc… I grew tired of this abuse and I felt it was time to move on… Then the looking in my phone… Then asking me why I don’t cheat on her etc… When her ex’s all 3 did cheat on her… Give me your thoughts please of what is wrong with her because she thinks she is perfect and nothing is wrong with her… I am the problem…
Marriage and kids is just not something my husband can deal with... He would rather come home and be left alone literally.. When I leave the house and dont see kids for few hours i miss them dearly and come home and kiss them he leaves and when he gets home never once comes to his family he wants privacy.. We dont talk he never has done anything special for me since we got married.He has even forgotten my birthday before.. Sex? What sex? That hasnt existed for years sometimes i feel lonely but remind myself that i should be grateful for my kids they are more than i could ever ask for is it selfish to want someone who tells u i love you or just brings u a birthday card for your birthday??I dont even expect it anymore I just focuas on my kids being happy and having everything they want and need.. I know that we both are not happy and because of financial situation it is difficult to walk away. I stay silent keep the peace but when everybody is asleep the tears fall down i feel sad we dont even sleep in the same bed..
Wedding vows are nothing but a joke. There are no more “in good and bad times” or the “in good and bad health” anymore. I feel that being married is nothing but a complete joke from my perception and experience. I guess you have to be a really good sales person in order to have a good relationship today. Bottom line is that we are all made to be single thinking human beings in the first place. Yeah, it is a swell idea to meet someone…get married…spit out a couple of pups…work yourself to death…spend less and less time with each other…grow apart…stop communicating…goto a gosh forsaken counselor…and as a result…yeah.
Hey Karina, was wondering how things are. Just curious, can you tell me what your ethnicity is? And if others can mention their ethnicity and their partners’ ethnicity. I’m Mexican, and I’m wondering how relationships are across races, and don’t want to generalize when having conversations about it, without getting some feedback from real individuals in struggling relationships to see if ethnicity plays a factor along with culture, upbringing and social class.
You're in a tough spot. The thing about enabling behavior is that superficially it makes things easier, so people who enable remain attached to doing it. If you decide you shouldn't enable your mom's behavior (and I'm in no position to judge one way or another) it seems to me the key would be becoming confident enough in that decision (out of a genuine and well-considered belief that enabling her behavior isn't in her or your best interests) that you simply—without ever needing to discuss it—stop enabling her behavior. Such a change would of course be met with resistance that you'd need to be prepared for, which is why you must first be absolutely convinced your decision is the right one and then calmly stick to your guns (keeping your own emotions at bay would be key). Good luck.
Time went on and I tried. Counselling, relationship courses, religion, mental breakdowns. And then I worked painstakingly through "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship" by Mira Kirshenbaum. Getting out was the hardest thing I have ever done - to intentionally break up a home and shake the foundation beneath my children's feet made me wilt and doubt everything about myself. But the result is beyond expectation - I had forgotten what normal and happy was. Now I remember and my children remember and laugh with me.
So, my questions are two. 1. What can I do to help him realize he needs some kind of help? 2. The lack of feeling on my part during sex (which is usually an emotional event for me).. is that an indication that my marriage may be over? I know it is because I don’t trust him right now and haven’t for a long time, but I figured that would just make me guarded, not unfeeling. It felt so wrong and makes me worry.

For whatever reason, you feel dependent enough on your boyfriend that you can't imagine being without him. Maybe it's because he always fixes your car, pays for your stuff and lends you money, makes you feel less alone or gives you something to do. Whatever the reason, don't stay with someone you are too dependent on - stay with someone if you genuinely want to be with them!
I dated my wife for two years, prior to marriage. Been married for 8 years now. We have 1 beautiful daughter, and bought a house in the city she has always wanted to live in. I have provided, supported and never asked anything of her that wasnt unreasonable. We have never had any problems till recently. I just got out of a job, that has supported us for nearly 8 years, and have had a two month slump in work. But I am now back on my feet, providing, supporting, and not once did we get behind. She got stressed and found support, and eventually started an emotional relationship with another man. Long story short, I gave her an ultimatium, end it or I leave. She ended it, but claims she has nobody to talk to, wont look at me, talk to me, and cant be in the same room as me. She is now bashing me to close friends, and blowing things way out of proportion. I am lost, confused, and still in love with her. But I cant live like this. She refuses any counseling, and says to leave her alone, but doesnt want to leave. I need help.
Loyalty to your partner is a tricky issue, especially when they show weakness. Humans are not so far removed from the laws of the jungle. The best I can say is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Don’t be a self sacrificing altruist if that is not who you are or who you present yourself to be. That should lessen the guilt. That said, I’d feel depressed if I abandoned someone like that. And later in life, if I were to fall into similiar circumstances, I might  experience an intense insecurity or paranoia about having my partner do that to me. It might add to my moodiness, further exacerbating the situation until the prophecy is self fulfilled. That would be karma transmitting my suffering. We live in a society. We share the consequences of everyone’s actions. I don’t understand it when people say that happiness is an individual responsibility.

I have a similar situation with my boyfriend he is very moody and it’s affected my child the most. He are constantly fighting every weekend over something so small and he would Storm off and go home for a couple of days or if my child wakes him up in the morning he goes mad and curses at me infront of my child and then again he would Storm home. I know he hates he’s job and it isn’t stable and that really bothers him and puts him in bad form. But when he is is the wrong he turns the row on me and changes the subject that in texting other lads and he would shout down at me and look trough all my messages !! He’s mood swings are pushes me away that I don’t feel the same anymore.
Maybe you did not understand… My wife is talking to 3 of my ex’s girlfriends and one is when I was in my 20’s… I am 42 now and my wife 39… Why is she talking to them it is immature… I am a liar now and I hear this because of the ex’s and it’s sad for me… I left my wife Dec 2016 and it did hurt a lot cause I did truly love her… I could not deal with the talking about my ex’s each night etc… I was feeling so bad that I had to think about my health first… I am never right she is and nothing I do is ever right… So I had to leave that situation… Why are people this way and it seem like they can’t see it…
You mentioned someone going through a period of suffering in their life that they need time to get through (so this suffering is not permanent) and individuals who might have frequent dips in mood. I have a question about individuals who have a condition they have been affected by for a long time and will probably stay with them for the rest of their life. My mother has had what appears to me to be borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder for the past 23 years since I was born. How much responsibility is placed on the person for their behavior who has difficulty controlling their moods? My mother can obviously control her behavior around strangers (maybe she is around strangers in times of better mood), but I see her take out her emotions, problems, aggressions in private on her caregivers (my grandfather and grandmother). She is not able to take responsibility for her actions at all and is not expected to by her caregivers. Is this appropriate? Is it appropriate to forgive her behavior in every instance? Or to hold her accountable for her actions? Should her rude behavior, explosive emotions, inability to listen be excused as something she has no control over? Or should the person be held accountable for certain aspects of her behavior? This is difficult for me to deal with because my emotions in response to her behavior when I am around her get discounted by my grandparents because they use the model where she "is not able to control herself at all so she must be forgiven in all circumstances". Is this model of forgiving every circumstance appropriate? Thank your for your response.
“It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are struggling with, but research suggests that couples who can manage to stay together usually end up happier down the road than couples who divorce,” writes Dr. Deborah Hecker on Should You Divorce or Save Your Marriage? “If partners choose to invest in their relationship and make needed changes instead of repeating their mistakes, they might be able to avoid an unnecessary divorce. And if they do finally decide to divorce, their personal work in couples therapy might increase their chance of a successful marriage next time.”
I am 33 and have been with my husband for 15 years, Married for 5 of those. We got together when i was 17 so i have never been in a relationship with anyone except him. our problems begun when i was pregnant for our daughter who is now 2 1/2. I was diagnosed with post natal depression when our daughter was 18 months old. He is a very strong willed man who i feel in an argument will not back down and i feel its me always me saying sorry even though sometimes its not my fault! I have not been at work since having our daughter so the pressure is on for him to provide, but makes me feel guilty when i spend money on shopping etc. He has ask that i write down what i spend. what money i do get goes into our joint account, it pains me not having my own wage coming in as i feel i have to justify all expenditure. I do not go out very often without my daughter and when i do after the event we end up arguing because he will bring the fact that ive been out. I got into debit a few years back and didn’t want to put extra pressure onto him, i asked my mum to loan me the money. To which i later confessed to. 6 years on he says he hates my Mum and will slag off my parents marriage (who have been married for 40 yrs) His parents have gone thru his dad being an alcoholic and domestic violence to which he was witness to as a child. He says real nasty things to me in the heat of the moment, which i can not forget. this is only the half of it. We spend more time arguing then not and any special moment is clouded by an argument. We go for days not talking after an argument. He says he hates the person i have become & feels since having our daughter i have put him on a shelf and will come back to him when i am ready. We argued the other day because i said that our daughter was the most important thing in my life not him! In every argument he says his leaving this has gone on for nearly 3 years now. I have fallen pregnant on the pill and abortion is not a option. I now feel we have maybe out grown each other & that to much hurt and upset has gone on to be able to repair things. we have had counseling but could not afford to keep it up. to you think that some time apart for us both to reflect on things could help. He says he loves me with all his heart but i have to change for things to work. I just feel so lost in what to do. I do not know if were are both hanging on for the wrong reasons (ie: our daughter) or if this relationship has just become a habit. please i would be grateful for any advice .
A couple weeks back my boyfriend of 4 years dumped me because he was so unhappy. I didn’t notice any differences in behavior. If anything he was doing the same sorts of things he always did. And was loving and sweet to me! But he’d switch between saying “unhappy with us” and “I’m unhappy with myself” for the reasoning to end it. We had some issues and less than pleasant times but I feel that’s any couple. I think real love is being understanding and supportive of each other and what the other needs, how each other is. A mature relationship and people in general should be able to talk if there are certain feelings. He’d let his feelings of unhappiness remain without openly talking much, and also push them aside actually. Because he’d tell me he’d act or “force” himself to do things couples do. And that’s not right either. People need to be able to speak of things and how they really feel. But that does take two people! If a man is set on his unhappiness and wanting to be alone or with out you, despite what you could ever offer him, it’s not you.
I am recently going through some trying things in my marriage. My husband is always accusing me of cheating. He is never satisfied with anything that I do for him. He says that I’m irresponsible and that I only think of myself. I have really taken on a lot since we got married. We have only been married for two months and it already feels like our relationship is over. He has two children outside our marriage and he is on probation. Therefore, his problems are my problems. I took on that responsibility with no appreciation. I feel so alone in our home. We argue constantly about the same thing. It never ends. I recommended that we do marriage counseling but he refused and said that I am the only one with the problem, that I need counseling. I have never cheated on my husband. Anything he needs me to do I do it. I mean, I didn’t marry because it was something to do. I married my husband because I love him and I thought that he loved me. Moreover, I felt that we were connected and that we would be happy together. I guess he is just not happy with me or maybe he’s just not happy with himself. He told me yesterday that he would be better off with his ex-girlfriend. Then he threatened to call her to come to our house (For his sake and hers–not a bright idea.) What can I do to fix this? I have prayed countless time but it seems like God is not listening. Did I marry the wrong man or could we make this work? Is my marriage over?
I am sorry that is happening to you. As I read your story, I was compelled to tell you that you need to get out of that relationship. YOU deserve so much better and need to be treated with respect. Walk away. The first step is hard. You need to do this for you or you will be miserable… Trust me. Good luck in your decision but you do deserve a lot better.
Remember when you and your husband first starting dating? You were the carefree woman who laughed and flirted? Life's stress can really take a toll on a relationship, and sometimes we forget to laugh. Flirt with your husband. Tell stupid jokes. Reminisce about funny things that happened. Life can't always be fun and games, but let it be sometimes. Keep the humor going between the two of you and keep things funny and fun.
I think the “sense of humor” argument is actually different from other traits.  The reason is finding someone with the same sense of humor is like finding someone that’s on our “wavelength.”  People can have radically differing opinions on politics, religion, philosophy, etc.  and can at least agree to simply not talk about those things.  This can work, but our sense of humor is such a core personality trait.  It’s really a big part of who we are.  Now does your partner have to actually be funny?  No.  They do have to have the same sense of humor, though.  I don’t think they need to make you laugh but they have to be able to laugh at the same things you do.  Now back to types of humor.  I agree with what Evan said that Kelly seems to be looking for a personality type that might not be positive i.e. a narcissist.  A good sense of humor should always involve at least a degree of self deprecation. 
I have been wondering too. I like Lia’s take– that we all have senses of humour– just different ones. I get so tired of grade 7 bodily function humour. I like Senfield humour and slapstick. My boyfriend is all about bodily function stuff, and I don’t know what to do. He is awesome in every other way, but he keeps trying to make me laugh with this otber stuff. He was really popular in Middle school and highschool with amunition like making fun of people’s names, and bodily function stuff. It doesn’t offend, just not funny. When Evan said, ” if you think you are funny, maybe you should be with someone who thinks you are…” makes me think that person isn’t me?? I’m not funny myself, but it’s usually been super easy for people to make me laugh. Just not this person😟
My pregnancy was definitely unplanned. My fiancé & I had sex one time & then found out we were pregnant just 2 weeks later. He was super shocked at first & kept telling me that it was still early enough for my period to possibly flush it out (he doesn't really know much about this kinda stuff), then he was really upset, cried for a few days, & didn't expect it to be a legit thing until we got it confirmed by a doctor the day I was suppose to have a period... Now we're a little over 16 weeks in & he's still terrified, but extremely excited to be a daddy <3

How you handle this will depend upon what, exactly, is the issue.  For example, if he is not happy because he feels like he never has any fun or excitement in his life, then you would need to show him that being married to you can be both fun and interesting.  Or, if there is an issue that keeps cropping up, it’s probably time to successfully address and eliminate that issue once and for all.  It’s very important that he sees you taking swift and decisive action because he needs to believe that the marriage can and will change so that he will remain committed to it.
When you are in love with your man, you are ready to do anything to make him happy, no matter what it takes. However, sometimes you can do things that actually make him miserable. It’s not easy to figure out that but there are a few signs that indicate he’s truly unhappy. I’m not gonna lie to you, ladies, I’m not the best girlfriend in the world so I know exactly how to cope with an unhappy man. It’s tricky yet possible. Just asking “What’s wrong with you?” or “What did I do?” isn’t enough to make your man speak up. Unlike women, men don’t enjoy complaining. So here are warning signs your man is secretly unhappy.
Thank you ladies with sharing. I really felt supported reading your words and experiences. A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. He was very grouchy and negative most of the time. Sometimes it was directed at me, sometimes not. Initially I attributed it to his life circumstance….losing his job, reorganizing his life. I now think that is how he relates to his environment and I don’t think he will ever change. He is a Marine and maybe his exposure to that culture and the lifestyle contributed to his incompatible behavior and attitude. I recognized that continuing down that road with him would have been unhealthy for me. It already was. I tried in so many ways to support his struggle and just lost the interest in continuing. Despite my deep care for him, our dynamic became unbearable. The issues became undeniable when he was broke with nowhere to go and he started staying at my house, despite me expressing kindly that I didn’t want that because living together means more when it is intentional about a vision of relationship and less about being convenient. I couldn’t turn my back and by moving him in, we were forced into facing relationship issues sooner than we were ready. We totally broke what we had and it ended in a way I truly regret. BIG emotion and I kicked him out, which was damaging to him and damaging to me. I do not regret ending it, but I do regret ending it in such an abrupt and destructive way. I think my big message here is despite the pain that a partner’s moods cause, end it in a way that is respectful to both. We both deserve to be available for something more compatible ahead and a destructive ending makes the reinvention difficult.
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something I forgot to add about how I made myself better was focusing on smaller accomplishments. I can't save the world, but I can make my little corner of the community better. I also focused more on not trying to make others happy in and of itself. Others had expectations for me, but those were not mine. I stopped caring so much about what others defined as success. Especially, what family wanted from me. I am /r/childfree, and happy about it. It took a while for my parents to realize they were not getting grandchildren from me, and for them to be OK with it. No guilt on my part.
What does your post have to do with having a moody bf? Do you have a bf? I don’t think so because  I sense a veiled attempt to relay that you think the guy you mention should dump his gf for you. I wonder what would happen if he did? Maybe you’d be subject to whatever treatment she’s getting, then you’d be sorry. Or at least discover the empathy for gf that you’re lacking now.

The Magic of Intimacy: Intimacy brings lovers together and renders us vulnerable. When we are intimate, we feel empowered but we’re also at the mercy of the one we love. Intimacy evokes a powerful mix of emotions – we feel vulnerable, yet valued and embraced. When you experience intimacy, it acts like a field in the world of physics, where all the rules of regular relationships change.
I don’t think you were getting it. These men ( not all men) have something going on but they will not accept there is a problem. Take it from me I am going through it. They only think of themselves and are nice to you when they want something. They say things that make you feel you have done something wrong and everything is your fault. I really think they believe their own shut. It just comes out and to them it’s real. But for someone not to be interested in helping theirselves to make a difference in their lives is crazy. Yes there may be people who’s personally changes due to illness and that shouldn’t be ignored. But I would say. If that person doesn’t want to seek help after a while the partner won’t be able to cope no matter how understanding they are
Great article Steve, one of the best I have read so far on GMP. It applies to more than just marriages, it includes all depending on others for happiness. One of the consequences that can flow from going the change route to be responsible for your own happiness is that it can mean the end of your relationship which may have been a reality regardless. To minimise the risk of this you need to consider how you will effectively communicate your change needs with your partner and be prepared for negotiation around a win win solution. This also might require… Read more »
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