i had a love marriage, i went against my parents and my husband went against his parents. it has been 4 years. recently he has just stopped caring about me. he fights, says hurtful things, never ever apologises or tries to make up after we have an argument. it is only me who has to keep my anger aside and approach him, always. when he fights, he just leaves me alone for hours without telling me where is he going or when he will be back. sometimes he becomes so angry that i have to cry in his feet to make him stop. he hits himself when he is angry, and very voilently. it scares me. despite repeated requests and promises, he always starts beating himself if i argue with him. these days he even threatens that he will start beating himself if i dont agree to him. although he has never hit me, or cheated on me, its his lack of care for me and my feelings that just kills me. i had an abortion and he never called me from his office to ask if i was ok. even when i was bleeding with abortion, he never offered me help in household chores. when i confronted him about these issues, he said things like, “no no, i love you and all. i cant divorce u. i’ll die if you leave me. i have no one, my parents left me and if u also leave, i have nothing left.”
As for myself, now I’m struggling with the sadness, anger and grief of ending a relationship. Sometimes in my darker moments I wonder why I and the relationship wasn’t “enough” to inspire my ex to seek out help and get better, but then I remember that even my own parent couldn’t get better for a long time, even with kids in the picture. That’s my lingering belief of “not being enough” rearing its head, I know. But deep down, I feel at peace that I broke my own pattern, that I stood for my own happiness, that I was honest with my own needs. Whatever decision Katie makes, I hope it leaves her with that deep sense of integrity and honoring herself.
6. Trust him: We know rom-coms taught you that men are incompetent horndogs who turn into drooling cavemen around even mildly attractive women, but please remember to respect your partner’s intelligence by not falling for this shit. Do not hound him about his cute co-worker, neighbor, or friend. Insecurity is a major boner-shrinker, and unwarranted lecturing, snooping, and accusing are sure to get you nowhere. If you have any legitimate concerns about cheating, a respectful and honest conversation is usually the best place to start.
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4years and he says im contolling and he is unhappy now and he doesnt want to fix anything he just wants to end it. I love him alot but he isnt even trying to work it out or giving me a chance. He says he has waited for me to change and he sees that im the same person and he is done waiting. We use to talk about getting married and now he tells me he doesnt see us getting married. I dont want to loose him and i want to fight for him and he sees he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late for that.
So I met my husband in September we married in January after knowing each other for a very long time. At the start it was amazing touchy Feely all over each other never wanting to be too far from each other intimacy was amazing we have been married 6 months and I'm not happy his phone is more important than coming to bed at night with me might get to me between 2 and 4am our sex had stopped he hadn't touched me since February he goes to work comes home and on his phone his phone is his best friend I tried yo tell him when we first got married to at least put it down to have our time and then things got worse. He thinks it's all me and not talking about it but I dong want to be a bitch and start cursing at him I have no idea what to do he's in it forever and we'll I'm not I feel lonely trapped and don't like being married can anyone help me
I have been with my fiancee for over three years now, and we have a 2 year old and an 8 month old. Talk about stress! I’m not really sure if our relationship is at an end, though. He left me for his high school crush (who was in a relationship at the time) while I was pregnant. We got back together when he realized how foolish that was, and promptly cheated on me with a random girl from a bar (in the backseat of his sister’s car while she was driving no less). Since then, he has made some progress, but still insists on going to strip clubs (but gets furious if he even thinks that I look at another man). He has become a much better father, but still plays video games for hours on end instead of getting a job while our rent goes unpaid and we live on food stamps. When I got a decent tax return, he used it to go buy another car instead of paying our bills. We can’t even afford to put plates on the car!!! Last night, we were changing, and his friend happened to be in the hallway when my fiancee opened the door. He got mad at ME for having my shirt off! Is this salvageable? Can I help him to grow up, or should I just give up? He does NOTHING. I work, cook, clean, change the diapers, do the laundry, and even help him with his homework. I can’t live like this anymore, but I am not financially able to leave. I feel like he makes little changes… but is that ennough?
Which brings me to this final bit of hopeful advice. Just because you notice these signs, does not mean your relationship is doomed. "It just means that there is something going on that is either a) not tied to the relationship, but the stress is spilling over into it or b) something is wrong within the relationship that needs addressing in order to be fixed," Rogers says. If you two can have that heart-to-heart, it is possible to reignite that happiness, and stay together.
Thank you for your reply. I have brought up the possibility with my grandfather about how my mother is capable of controlling her behavior around us but he chooses to believe that she does not have control over her actions. My grandmother also does not want to talk about the topic since this is the way she has chosen to view her daughter's behavior (having no control) and has for a long time. I have brought it up before and at the risk of having a fight I have not chosen to bring it up with her again. I remember trying to talk about the subject in high school and it was something not to be talked about, so I left the subject when I left for college for the past five years. Now I am back home while looking for work and I am faced with the same situation.
i cheated for 3 reasons, he paid me no attention, nor the kids & i’m very big on family, he is content on being alone! he changed his work schedule from going to work at 5am & being home by 2pm to going to work at 5pm & getting off at 2am-so we always missed each other-he would complain about what he hates about me & what he wouldn’t tolerate in a wife (like me having male friends, but he had female friends), but if i ever mentioned something he needs to change, it always comes back to me! i hated life-i got up to 252 lbs. i cannot express myself in music nor clothes! so my needs have never been met in this relationship-except being financially taken care of!
Our instincts can often tell us first when a relationship just isn't working — but we don't always trust that voice, says couples therapist Susan Pease Gadoua, co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels. "We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama." We're trained to trust logic in many areas of life, so when a niggling feeling ("Am I really still in love with this person?") presents itself, it's hard to pay attention to it because there aren't any hard facts or rational reasoning. Drill down on that initial instinct and ask yourself more specific questions. If you find your responses are things like, "I don't feel safe to express myself, I don't feel respected and haven't felt happy in a long time," that's a sign that things have gone awry — and you shouldn't ignore it. "The truth doesn't go away simply because we don't want it to be there; that voice stays in the background and weighs on you," says Gadoua. "Getting quiet within is key to being able to hear instincts. And like a muscle, the more you trust your gut, the easier it becomes to decipher that voice — which comes from your heart — from the voice in your head."