What if your doing all the above and more like telling him if he dont want to work then don't stay home I'll work two jobs if needed. He does that for few months then complains about being home all the time so he gets a job then complains about working. I cook dinner and always serve him first no matter if he has a job and works or if hes sat around playing xbox for months. My kids are all teens one is a new mom. They arent his. We have no children together. He says he hates my kids and talks about how my daughter is stupid fot having a baby at 17 maybe not wise choice on her part but shes not stupid. He complains about them not doing what there told around the house but he dont do anything either. I am constantly complimenting him on how handsome he is how smart and wonder he is no matter how down he is on himself. I am constantly rubbing his arms neck back legs with just my fingertips cause thats his favorite thing. I do sexual things ive never done before cause he likes them. He tells me im the best wife ever best hes never loved anyone like me that he never wants to lose me but yet hes always saying i cant do this i hate my life im tired of this and that.... i give up!
This same approach should be applied to the other things he does that may bother you from time to time. Don't get hung up about things, and if he does something that you really dislike, just let him know. Holding on to little things and petty grudges is not a good idea for you or your husband. Many of the little annoyances you may have you will forget about in a few weeks anyway, so it is not worth it to get upset over them.
I read through your article and it stands out for me amoungst the others I’ve read. My husband is a good man, doesn’t cheat, and he still loves me, but I don’t love him. We have been married for almost 2 years and together for 4. We got married when I was 18 and he was 23, so we are 20 and 25 now. I think we just got married way too young and I see that now. I felt love for him after we first started dating, but I think I was in love with the idea of him and marriage and I wasn’t actually ever in love with him. I find myself constantly asking myself “Why did I get married?” and I also find myself entertaining the idea of an affair. We have stopped being intimate. When we were intimate, I rarely felt anything. He is such a good man, and I do still care for him very much, but its not in the way a wife should care for he husband. I have no idea what to do. I try to explain to him that I am unhappy in our relationship and I no longer want the same things that I used to and it goes in one ear and out the other. He loves me very much, this I know, so I’m afraid of hurting him to the point where he will never find happiness again. Yes, I know, I’m very young, but this is one of the many things that has gone into the ruin of my marriage. Please help me. Thank you.
“When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean,” writes Ellie Lisitsa in The Four Horsemen: Contempt on The Gottman Institute’s blog about strengthening relationships. “Treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm are forms of contempt. So are hostile humor, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling and sneering. In whatever form, contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”
I have asked my husband how best we can end it (without affecting teh kids too much) and he has ingorned my requests. I have also spoken with him and assured him that the kids and I will be fine without him – I have told him that I release him from his wedding vows – that I want him to go off and find someone to be happy with (I really want to see him happy – just not with me) and STILL he wont go. I know life is convenient here for him as his laundry and cooking is done. If I stop cooking for him, that would be mean-spirited of me (espeically in front of the kids) – – its not even as if our meals are family time as he comes to teh table, opens a newspaper or book and reads anyway. he has never been emotionally available for any of us. I have had enough and cant see a way of ending it! (He of course, thinks I am derraanged and that it is a ‘control’ game – he thinks that I am withholding sex as a kind of punsishment) – i feel I cannot just have sex with strangers!
I think you need to figure out why you cheated on your husband, and why you feel so bad about yourself. And, your husband needs to figure out why he’s willing to stay married no matter what you do! Once you both gain some insight into your own persoanlities and choices, then you can focus on whether it’s time to end the relationship or save your marriage.
First and foremost, we must realize that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own happiness and simultaneously that everyone exerts a powerful influence on the happiness of those around them. A study by a former colleague, Nicholas Christakis, suggests that we influence the happiness of people close to us physically as well as the happiness of people close to us personally up to three degrees of separation (meaning not just the friends of our friends but their friends as well). How might this influence come about? Not by the advice we give or the action we take to try to make others happier but simply by being happy ourselves. Emotions, it turns out, are as contagious as infectious diseases (possibly as a result of the mirror neuron system). Some of us seem to be more contagious than others and some of us especially susceptible to being "infected" by others, but most of us have had firsthand experience in bringing others up or down with our moods and in being brought up or down by the moods of others.
You hear a lot of women with celebrity status, bank executives, accountants and top managers struggling to save their marriage and stop a lover's rejection with amazing difficulty. Now, everyone can learn from the wisdom and honest research of others on how to stop a husband from having an affair and build a long lasting and happy marriage you and everyone will be proud of.
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"Often -- but not always -- women nag because men don’t follow through. How many times have you had a conversation about doing something and he commits to doing it and never follows through? Often, I'm guessing," she said. "Women feel caught in the middle: You continue to try and talk to him and address the issue but it goes nowhere. He interprets your request as nagging. You want to believe him but his promises go unfulfilled."
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 4years and he says im contolling and he is unhappy now and he doesnt want to fix anything he just wants to end it. I love him alot but he isnt even trying to work it out or giving me a chance. He says he has waited for me to change and he sees that im the same person and he is done waiting. We use to talk about getting married and now he tells me he doesnt see us getting married. I dont want to loose him and i want to fight for him and he sees he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late for that.
These two posts of yours were so helpful. I do think that this is very much how he feels even though he hasn't used the same words. I asked him if he was going to take a break, to please seek counseling and work on figuring out what he wanted and at least get a rough plan in place for going forward. Sure, it'll be nice to get away, but if he doesn't know how he got to this point, he'll end up here again before long.
Make His Favorite Meal: Surprise him with his favorite meal, or if you are not the cooking type, take him to his favorite restaurant. The key here is to drop little hints and build his anticipation. That way his excitement will be high when you surprise him. Having his favorite food with his favorite person will make him happy, and he will be impressed at the thought and detail you put into it.
This suggestion sounds so simple but not so easy to obtain. As a husband and father of three, I find my happiness to be fleeting. My wife is exhausted and has little energy nor desire to care for any needs that I may have. I believe society places husbands in a codependent role which ties our happiness to our wives. I too, am loved and appreciated at work, but at home I am the lowest priority. I was taught to be a good husband you need to make sure your wife is happy, “happy wife, happy life.” Where is the… Read more »
Offer your support and listen if he wants to talk. Provide your boyfriend with an outlet for his moodiness, such as a night with the guys or a day that he can spend doing something he enjoys without interruption. Suggest that you participate in a recreational activity together several times a week, as this can ease your boyfriend’s stress and anxiety.
When we were supposed to marry for life – life expectancy was only till about 40 or 50. Now we have extended our life expectancy till our 80s at least but no-one has reviewed the wedding vows, lol. We are still expected to live with the same perosn although we have DOUBLED our life span! Crazy! We are all entitled to a second chance now for our ‘second half’ of life – for all our sakes! xx
If there is something that your husband did in the past that really upset you, yet you have said you have forgiven him for, just let it go. Whether it's the anniversary he forgot, or heaven forbid the woman he slept with while you two were dating. If you have said you have forgiven him, stop bringing it up. It may be an easy way to push his buttons in an unrelated argument, but know it is detrimental to any relationship to hold on to things that are meant to stay in the past.
I have to agree with lonelywife. I was happily married up until the 8th year and I dont know what happened. Its like I woke up oneday and my marriage and life are in shambles. I was married prior to another man for 3 years – who abused me physically and mentally. I left him because CPS threated to take my son away if they got another call for domestic violence. Then I met my current husband – who was my knight in shining armor to save and protect me. He raised my son from my prior relatioship and we have had one together since then. Hes commited infidelity a few times to me (that I have rock solid proof of – there could be more that I dont know about). bUt i felt we could work throught it. Now.. I feel alone. I work 2 jobs, take the kids to school/daycare, pay all the bills etc. I go through my routine everyday and there is no time with my husband. He doesnt participate in anything. I am hopeless. I keep having dreams that I am hanging in the closet by shoe strings and my family keeps walking by me like Im not there. Its very sad. I am very sad and loney.
"Have you ever been in an amazing relationship where you just ached to be in some type of contact with your partner?" dating expert Noah Van Hochman asks Bustle. "Whether it by text, phone or email, you just couldn’t wait to contact them? Well, if one person is not happy in the relationship, they can wait (and usually do) to respond back to you." Uh-oh. This has definitely happened to the best of us, and it's a terrible (and oft-ignored) sign.
Dear laurie,i guess i am on the same page as everyone else,,is it over? Ihave married the man of my dreams,so i thought…we have been married for 18y.together for 20y. we have a beautiful daughter,she is 18.was never easy,we had a long distance relation ship in the beggining,moved to other country,money was always an argument..i always worked full time plus taking care of my daughter and house,but i was never good enough,if i resume my 18y of marriage it all comes down to being blaimed for never being good enough.time passed and nothing changes,he puts me down as i am not a good house wife,not a good mother spends all his money,all this and me working 50h a week,i am not a big spender,but in his eyes thats all i do is spend his money,he killed my love for him,over time,i hate him more than i love him.what keep me is the ilusion of being madly in love with the man i meet 20y ago,i love him deeply still.he become bitter and sniky he hydes from me money,goes behind my back cancels aounts,so i get stuck with no money..everytime he does this things i hate him more,all what matters to him is cleaning and money..i care for my daughter that has been thru a lot and just recently stabelize emotionaly..i dont want to break her heart..what do i do?
After getting home from a long day of work, do you and your spouse immediately go your separate ways? And when you're at parties, do you tend to drift apart and do your own thing? If you'd rather be alone than with your husband, it probably doesn't seem like there's much of a point in being in a relationship in the first place. Getting a little time apart is one thing, but the trouble really starts when you'd rather be apart.