I totally agree, Brian. I think that “getting” the same kind of humor is very important — at least to me. I was watching The Big Lebowski (which I think is hilarious), but he didn’t think the movie was funny at all. He wasn’t into nuanced or satirical comedy. He liked the kind you get with canned laughter on sitcoms. Nothing wrong with that. It’s just that we weren’t on the same wavelength at all and it was a deal breaker for me because we were polar opposites when it came to our senses of humor.
We have been married for 14 years with a 13 year old boy. We both love our kid very much. Recently was been told by a friend that a guy is coming into my house whenever me and my son are not around. This has been going on quite some time (not so sure long). Then I check her phone bills and there a many phone call from her to this guy for past months. First when I heard it, I was in dilemma and wondering about it. So what I did is to ask my best friend to look it. So I got the opportunity when I was not around on that weekend and my son got a football game in the school. She told me that he starts at 8 am finish about 10.30 am. I ask my friend to pass my house and see what is going on. About 8.45 he called me and said that there is motorcycle inside the parking porch and noted the number bearing this guy’s number. Then I call her and she said that she is busy cleaning the house. From then on my heart really broken and wondering why must this happen to me! I lost my peace, sleep, lost appetite and feeling very angry about it.
These two posts of yours were so helpful. I do think that this is very much how he feels even though he hasn't used the same words. I asked him if he was going to take a break, to please seek counseling and work on figuring out what he wanted and at least get a rough plan in place for going forward. Sure, it'll be nice to get away, but if he doesn't know how he got to this point, he'll end up here again before long.
my questions? how can i continue to waffle? how do you know when it’s truly over? when you feel like you’ve failed, when you’re not sure if there’s anything left to save? and when your son (my son lives with me – is planning to move out, but has made it very clear that he hates the man I married – not because of my husband’s treatment of him, but because of the way my son has seen and heard my husband treat me) despises your husband? how do you forgive and move past?
I absolutely love your tips. They are all so true. Sometimes as married women we have to give and take to make our relationships work for ourselves and our children. It is difficult sometimes when you think that you are the only one being considerate and making an effort, but sometimes that's what it takes when you really love your man. There is really no point arguing all the time. This will only cause misery and hatred in the relationship. I personally love being sexy for my husband. I aslo respect him, take care of the house and cook although I do not really like to cook. Doing these things make me feel like a stronger woman; like I am able to take care of myself and my family.
Everyone deserves to be happy. You determine what happiness means to you. My definition of happiness is to be with someone who accepts me just as I am (as I do the same) and who shares my excitement and passion for life. Define what happiness means to you and then go after it. Create your own happiness with someone who shares your life goals, not spoils them 🙂
When you are in love with your man, you are ready to do anything to make him happy, no matter what it takes. However, sometimes you can do things that actually make him miserable. It’s not easy to figure out that but there are a few signs that indicate he’s truly unhappy. I’m not gonna lie to you, ladies, I’m not the best girlfriend in the world so I know exactly how to cope with an unhappy man. It’s tricky yet possible. Just asking “What’s wrong with you?” or “What did I do?” isn’t enough to make your man speak up. Unlike women, men don’t enjoy complaining. So here are warning signs your man is secretly unhappy.
What did I do? Looking back, I admit that I did some crazy shit. And it is shit. Why did I ever think that punishing my husband by turning away from him and harboring resentments would EVER get me what I wanted? How could I possibly think that punishing him and withdrawing from him would magically give me more love, attention, praise, and affection? It’s nuts. It’s self-sabotage.
My new almost boyfriend is kind, wise and occasionally silly in a sweet kind of predictable way. His jokes are obvious and not worthy of the tonight show, but I so appreciate that he tries to joke that I adore him. I know a few true professional comedians offstage and all of them have control problems in that they don’t know when to stop, have boundaries issues and you have to have a very thick skin to hang around them when they drink. They seem to think everything and everyone is fair game no matter how tired you are or what is going on in your life. I don’t believe any of them really want to hurt people’s feelings they just cannot seem to relate to the world without joking. It is truly non-stop.
I would think yes!! If you feel suicidal it’s 100% accurate that you should safely get out of the relationship asap. When we lose sight of who we are and feel hurt enough we feel suicidal it’s that very moment we must know a severe change needs to be made! You must choose to take care of your self first before you can start to help your husband with the way he feels about himself that drives him to treat you in this manner to begin with. Get yourself grounded and begin to work on what you feel is broken in you first. Once you start to see YOUR OWN needs and what is truly important to you without anyone else saving what they feel you can begin to build your marriage with a super strong foundation that can stand the storms that will come for any marriage. All marriages take 100% effort from both sides 50/50 is a good way to see it since as long as you both go 1/2 way you will always meet in the middle but you must remember you CAN ONLY do YOUR part. I hope this helped you. Be safe God bless and take care.
I try my best to fix our problems, I’ve been trying to change my behaviors to make things better, but it’s a one way street. He refuses to acknowledge that there is anything wrong with him – he’s just perfect. His ignoring of me, lack of sexual activity, never leaving the home together unless it’s to drop the kids at daycare has driven to the edge and over it! I’ve been in various counseling sessions – not that any of that worked. I have also read the ‘How to leave your husband.’ article, it makes sense, and sounds so easy – but clearly it isn’t. No money, no place to go, and the kids?
When you sit down to talk with your spouse about what's working and what isn't, do you hear crickets? Or feel like nothing changes, no matter how vocal you are about your feelings? That's a problem, says Turndorf. "The most powerful tool we have for resolving our conflicts is listening and understanding one another," she says. "When we invite our partners to share what we've done to let them down, and when we truly listen and understand their feelings, decades of hurt and anger can easily fade away." So make a point of listening for the underlying emotions and messages in your partner's words — everyday issues, like yelling about whose turn it is to take out the trash, could be stemming from something deeper. "In most situations where couples go from being best friends to loveless opponents, I uncover a pattern of poor communication, dashed expectations and unhealed resentments," says Gadoua. "They think the fight really is about taking the garbage out, when in fact it's more likely about one or both feeling unappreciated, overwhelmed or unacknowledged." And once you finally hear what they're trying to tell you (or vice versa) you can get to the bottom of the real issue.