Kathleen, I admit the first paragraph of your comment struck a chord. Last summer, my boyfriend of two years walked out on me, out of the blue – just told me at the end of a weekly date night that he was leaving, handed me all my things from his apartment, that he’d packed before he left home that evening, and I only saw him once since that day. The only indication he’d given me was three days before he left, when he said “you were not happy last night”. Last spring, i.e. 3-4 months prior to that, I had a loss in my close family, my workload around the house doubled, then I changed jobs and my new job was harder than the one before it, and took a while to adjust to. Things got easier by the end of last year, but in the summer, I was completely exhausted from having all that new workload on top of trying to meet my ex’s many needs. I was still happy for the most part, just very tired and more irritable than my usual easygoing self. I admit that I still feel disappointed with him that he couldn’t wait for the hard times to pass, offer help and support, or even tell me that I had changed and ask me to get help (since I was too tired to even notice). Instead, he just walked out when I needed his help the most, because, after two years of making him happy and meeting his needs, there came a brief period of time when I couldn’t, and he just refused to put up with that. I still feel that he betrayed me, violated my trust in him, and let me down. I used to respect that man a lot and I don’t think I will ever be able to anymore.
May you experience recovery, healing, peace and love in your relationship. May you find life in your marriage, sparks of love in your soul, and sprouts of health in your emotional, physical, and spiritual relationship with your husband. I pray that God revives your marriage and performs a miracle in your relationship with him. May you find practical, healthy ways to deal with these signs your marriage is over – and may they become a ghost of the past.
Wow. He cheated,not once but twice. We have been married it would have been 6 years 8/25. I do not know for sure what happened except that I went back to school, and could not give the 100% attention I always gave. I do get snappy when I cant meet his needs, he said this was part o it. But I have been a loving and dedicated wife partner for our entire relationship, I always was able to let him know when something bothered me. But he couldent come to me, he sought attention and help from anther, when she rejected him he ran to another to spite her, neither got hurt in the process, just me. He came back 3 times, and left just as fast. Now he asked for a devorce, in a letter, not even face to face. Coward. I deserved better
Long before my husband left me, I saw the signs my marriage was over. I couldn’t accept it, though. It was overwhelming and depressing even though I know deep in my heart that I’m better off without him. Now that our divorce is final and I am officially single I need to find ways to be happy. How do you be happy after a divorce, when you’re single and you’d rather be married?
There are great women out there and great relationships that have been built. I feel that with the lack of time that is spent on each other in a relationship due to career interests and working all the time; marriage just dwindles down to staying together for our kids. Emotionally manipulative and to spend the rest of my life trying to figure the emotional puzzle out…no way. Life is way too short to live in misery and having to be attached to the opposite sex. I have to re-build myself again for I just have no interest in continuing on in this relationship. I don’t regret the time spent for there were good times. We rarely argued and were never verbally abusive. One thing I can state is that my wife is a controller and I just have had enough with being the 4th child in our Family. I don’t want to be married to my mother anymore:) I have lost an emotional attachment to my wife and I understand that it is important for her when it comes to a relationship that I just cannot provide.
Being married is a lot different than dating. It’s a lot easier to say, “this isn’t working out… I’m leaving” with your girlfriend/boyfriend because there’s less to lose. Usually, once you’ve got to the point of marriage, you’ve invested much time, energy, and emotions to the relationship. It’s not that simple to “just LEAVE”. There may be kids involved, a house, shared finances, and family. Married couples are more likely to try to work out their differences and sometimes they even find out things about themselves that they would’ve never known in a lesser commitment.
Do you know how to stop your husband from having an affair? Simple enough question, isn't it? Well? Do you? How would you love to know the exact time-tested techniques for preventing your husband from cheating on you and save your family finance? You may not believe this, one way your husband wastes money is through adultery and infidelity because such affairs are costly and a major drain pipe.
The first thing you need to do is build a support network of friends and strong women who can help you. I know it’s not easy, but you need to reach out and connect with other women. Pay attention to your kids’ friends’ parents, your neighbors, the women in your exercise class or at the park. Take a deep breath, screw up your courage, and talk to them. Invite them for coffee or a play date.
Last night we went out and really didn’t drink much at all. I was clear and sober through the entire night, and I thought he was too. We went to a couple of bars, had one drink at each, and moved on. When we got to the last one, my husband decided that we should have a shot of something, but I am not sure what it was, I was busy loading the jutebox with Christmas music. After the shot, I got a mild buzz, so I figured he did too. We left the bar and walked toward home. On the way home, it happened again. He started screaming at me about something having to do with my son and I walked away. I had no interest in another fight. He yelled at me to get out of his house and that I was not taking my son. I yelled back at him not to worry, I would and as he has no rights to my child, I would be taking him with me. My son, by the way, was at hhis grandmothers house, where he goes every Thursday and every other weekend for visitation with his grandparents and his father. My husband ran up behind me, grabbed me by my hair, and dragged me about a half a block back, telling me that I was not going back to the house, I was not welcome. He did this twice. Being that I was now in pain, I screamed for help both times, to which he replied that there was noone to help me. I called his sister, whose house it is that we lived at. By this point I was hysterical. When he realized who I called, he cussed at me and stormed off toward the house. I started walking the other direction, with the idea in my head that I would walk the 15 miles it was to my son’s grandmother’s house and sleep in the boat she has on the lawn. My sister-in-law came and picked me up, taking me back to her house. She told me to go to bed and lock the door, he would sleep on the couch. Now it is morning, he is alseep on the couch, and I am still angry that he had the nerve to threaten my relationship with my child. I am also a little scared, he had never put his hands on me before. I don’t know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.
Laurie, I have been marriage of 27 years. We have no children. My husband is older than me and is looking at retirement in approximately three years. I am not even close to thinking of same. We have a home in the country, he is always asking me to move from the city and find a new job in the country. We have a small place in the city. I have had my job for 25 years and am not wanting to leave my job; I love my job. My husband is extremely upset with me regarding this. I told him that IF I moved to the country leaving my secure job and he got hit by a bus, I would sell our country home and move back to the city. Of course if this happens I would lose my secure job and start at the bottom. In the country there are virtually no jobs aside from Tim Hortons or McDonalds to work at. This does not make sense to me. I have fifteen years until my retirement. This has been an ongoing argument/disagreement for too many years to count. We love each other but I am really reaching my ceiling in this regard and for that matter so is he. Any suggestions?
I’m so sorry to hear that you went/are going through this. Hopefully you’ve found some peace since you posted this. I am going through something very similar and it feels like someone just keeps punching me in the chest. I havent eaten or slept more than a few hours in nearly 6 days and I’m honestly amazed I’m still functioning at all. I loved this man with all of my heart. I stood by him through thick and thin, through an alcohol addiction and rehab and subsequent court issues for a DUI. He has been sober 5 years now so I feel like I contributed positively to his life. He made me feel more loved than I have ever been, and then suddenly last Wednesday he tells me hes done. There is nothing left, he doesnt love me anymore. How?? What did I do wrong? I never lied or cheated. I tried to show him appreciation for all the things he did for me. I kept house as best I could and formed close relationships with his family. How do you just suddenly unlove someone like that?? I am reeling at the loss and he is being quite cruel about me hurrying up and moving out, though I havent even found somewhere else to go yet. I feel like an ax came down and just severed us because I cant understand how he can just erase a 6 and a half year relationship like that. How can he just stop loving me? It is beyond my comprehension. To say I feel lost is an understatement.
I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was around 8 weeks, and before this I would always talk about babies, and my boyfriend would always say it wasn't the right time. When we found out I was pregnant he was shocked at first and was adamant that we couldn't keep it (I told him there and then that I would be keeping the baby with or without him). We didn't talk about it for a couple of days as I wanted him to process the information in his own way and time, and then after about a week he just turned around and was fine with it haha. I'm now 25weeks, and he's more excited to meet his little girl than I am!
i have been married for 3 years and we just recently seperated and i know its my fault. i couldnt let go of the fact that she lied to me about sleeping with someone even when i asked her before we got married if she need to tell me anything. when she told me last october what had happened i felt as if our marriage was false and i always threw it in her face. Now reality has set in and i would rather change my ways and get her back then to be mad at her for the past and be lonely but i dont know how she feels. Because from october untill she left we fought everyday and i know its my fault what should i do?
From a woman’s point of view, you need to get out. For the sanity of yourself, and your children. Your wife has little to no respect for you, and from what you’ve said, herself. Her values are also not anywhere near in line with your own, as she believes that her actions are justifiable. I once was the woman who took advantage of wonderful, goodhearted men, and who cared about nothing more than having my ego fed. It is impossible to be in a relationship with a selfish person, unless you are a glutton for neglect and abuse. The fact that she is taking no responsibility for her actions, and manipulating you in a way that is intended to make you feel guilty for her wrong doings, also validates the fact that she is not only out for her own self indulging ways, but also that she has such little respect for you that she sees you as nothing more than a pawn. With you, she can have the upright lifestyle. Successful husband, children, home.. but because of your leniency in letting her manipulate you, she can also have her second life, for those she doesn’t mind displaying that too. I am not for divorce, at all. I believe that a couple must do everything in their power to rectify their marriage, ESPECIALLY when children are involved. However, there comes a time when you must stop slamming your head against the brick wall and accept that there is sometimes no way of changing a person, or their priorities. I suggest you file for divorce, and allow your wife to live the life that she seems to gravitate too. Remain an excellent father, for it seems you are the one who is most levelheaded and who your children must rely on, and move on. Those with a good heart, must be paired with someone who nurtures that heart, not destroys it. I know you may not yield to my advice, I was once the person on the victim side of an unhealthy relationship, but once you get out, you will be free of the emotional strain that this woman holds on your life. I wish the best for you, and for your children. All I ask is that through the process of divorce, if you choose to take that route, do not let anger or resentment rob you of the dignity and respect you deserve, from all parties.. most importantly your kids.
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My husband has been unfaithful. I learned last year that he was. He says he love me and want our marriage but, he is still with his mistress & denies it. We have never had locked phones. And I have never seen his phone down in a year. It’s always on him. He lies & the cheated has affected his company because of the lack of work. I have no clue what to do. He never shows me any different. Other that I don’t make him feel special, but I do anything he asked. Now I am at the last rope. We have 3 young children & i am searching for work incase of the worse. Does anyone have any advice. Plus he says he depressed. And need me, but it’s the same thing over & over.
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats family and friends well, and has a calm yet serious personality that complements my emotional personality, which flusters easily.
After almost 7 years on and off and 2 kids later I find myself being told I’m not wanted anymore not in love with. I’ll be the first to admit our relationship was very rocky we started off inseparable every moment we wanted to be around each other I became pregnant with our son 9 months in and then I saw a change in my partner he was fighting a drug addiction to synthetic marijuana,we began to crumble fighting physically,verbally all the time. By the time he was able to kick his drug addiction he had completed 6 months In jail and at this time I have another child our beautiful daughter and had been struggling to make ends meet with out him I danced to provide for myself him and 4 children. through all this I lost custody of my children due to family violence between us two right before he was incarcerated. I lost myself and quickly spiraled out of control of my life. Around the same time I found out my partner was never faithful during the time we were together even at times turning to Craigslist. To say the least I’m still shocked. While he was gone I too turned to other men and decided to be honest with the father of my kids probably the worst thing I did,it cost me my trust no matter how bad of things so many times he cheated nothing could compare to me doing it. When he got out we gave it another try both agreeing to forget the past. He never kept his word everyday it was thrown in my face somehow so I seeked happiness in another man for 2+ years in the mix of us not being together he hears about me and at the time boyfriend being at a local fast food joint and aggressively shows up trying to fight and throws me in a car shortly after the father of my kids house is shot at about 30 times by the grace of God no one was hurt. I’m blamed for that happening when I had nothing to do with it that’s one of the reasons he claims he doesnt want me anymore. Needless to say we separated and got back together continuously. We recently moved into a fresh start apartment just the two of us where we both agreed once again to forget the past because we “love” eachother and finally pick up and be happy. I did everything to try and make us work but he says ” karmas a bi $#@ and he can’t forgive me,he no longer loves me and doesn’t want me” I live with him because I have no family/friends or anywhere to go. I know he hates that I’m here but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t heartbroken I love this man he is my only family,friend and Person I want to be with. I don’t know what to do. Fight for my heart or Let go
Did you just type, “He will break up with me when he goes through my phone and realize a guy texted me. Just recently, I went to the house and the while place was locked but he was inside with a woman. I went to the back where the bedroom window is and I heard him talking with a woman. I called and he told me he’s not home. Am just devastated”? You need to dump that psycho before he breaks you.
These exact thoughts went through my head too. Having been through a bad marriage, where my husband got angry, distant, and resentful any time we hit a rough patch – and as a young, low income family with two children, one with Aspergers and the other one with ADHD (both undiagnosed until they were 12), we had a lot of those – I completely agree. The only way to start a family is to start it with someone you can count on, who will support you and carry their weight, who won’t let you down or check out on you emotionally when things get hard. Otherwise you’d be doing a huge disservice to yourself, your future family, and your future children.
We can't all have flat stomachs and perfectly applied makeup at all times. But, you can do simple things for him (and yourself) to show him your beauty. Sometimes marriages can put us in a rut, and we no longer think it's necessary to look nice for our spouse. Brush your teeth, take a shower, and leave the ratty sweatpants in the drawer. Do yoga when you can, wear your favorite little sundress, and flaunt what you have! Your husband will likely return the favor and make himself look amazing!
If you are going to be a big enough idiot that you are going to deny your reality and not seek the help you need, I am not going to be a big enough idiot to go down in flames with you. Doesn’t matter if it is mental illness, addictions, or cancer. I know that may sound harsh, but again, I will not sacrifice my life for someone who will not help themselves. This is the only life I have!
Our instincts can often tell us first when a relationship just isn't working — but we don't always trust that voice, says couples therapist Susan Pease Gadoua, co-author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels. "We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama." We're trained to trust logic in many areas of life, so when a niggling feeling ("Am I really still in love with this person?") presents itself, it's hard to pay attention to it because there aren't any hard facts or rational reasoning. Drill down on that initial instinct and ask yourself more specific questions. If you find your responses are things like, "I don't feel safe to express myself, I don't feel respected and haven't felt happy in a long time," that's a sign that things have gone awry — and you shouldn't ignore it. "The truth doesn't go away simply because we don't want it to be there; that voice stays in the background and weighs on you," says Gadoua. "Getting quiet within is key to being able to hear instincts. And like a muscle, the more you trust your gut, the easier it becomes to decipher that voice — which comes from your heart — from the voice in your head."