Men CAN BE sexually desirable in and of themselves. Most straight males in most countries still don’t want to put the effort into becoming physically/sexually attractive, though. The majority won’t go the extra mile; the majority don’t even know where to start. They like to look like “clones” in a way. Basically the same style, hair cut, shoes, whatever. Won’t groom properly. Un-charming, hardened demeanor. No sensuality. It’s difficult to desire someone like that, at least passionately and strongly. That’s the reason so many millennial women love gay porn, and younger generations are so attracted to foreign males. Look at… Read more »
I am 33 and have been with my husband for 15 years, Married for 5 of those. We got together when i was 17 so i have never been in a relationship with anyone except him. our problems begun when i was pregnant for our daughter who is now 2 1/2. I was diagnosed with post natal depression when our daughter was 18 months old. He is a very strong willed man who i feel in an argument will not back down and i feel its me always me saying sorry even though sometimes its not my fault! I have not been at work since having our daughter so the pressure is on for him to provide, but makes me feel guilty when i spend money on shopping etc. He has ask that i write down what i spend. what money i do get goes into our joint account, it pains me not having my own wage coming in as i feel i have to justify all expenditure. I do not go out very often without my daughter and when i do after the event we end up arguing because he will bring the fact that ive been out. I got into debit a few years back and didn’t want to put extra pressure onto him, i asked my mum to loan me the money. To which i later confessed to. 6 years on he says he hates my Mum and will slag off my parents marriage (who have been married for 40 yrs) His parents have gone thru his dad being an alcoholic and domestic violence to which he was witness to as a child. He says real nasty things to me in the heat of the moment, which i can not forget. this is only the half of it. We spend more time arguing then not and any special moment is clouded by an argument. We go for days not talking after an argument. He says he hates the person i have become & feels since having our daughter i have put him on a shelf and will come back to him when i am ready. We argued the other day because i said that our daughter was the most important thing in my life not him! In every argument he says his leaving this has gone on for nearly 3 years now. I have fallen pregnant on the pill and abortion is not a option. I now feel we have maybe out grown each other & that to much hurt and upset has gone on to be able to repair things. we have had counseling but could not afford to keep it up. to you think that some time apart for us both to reflect on things could help. He says he loves me with all his heart but i have to change for things to work. I just feel so lost in what to do. I do not know if were are both hanging on for the wrong reasons (ie: our daughter) or if this relationship has just become a habit. please i would be grateful for any advice .
known my wife 50 yes been married 43, Can’t stand to talk to her,eat with her be around her.I have so much animosity toward her I get ill just looking at her. For the last 20yrs its like talking to wall.She never does what she says she will do. I feel like i have been beating a dead horse.Try everything to save marriage but nothing has worked So now I have shut down.We are just existing together.We got married at the age of 21 me and her 19.Tried to have affair felt to guilty could not perform.No sex or contact of any kind just passing time. Lord how it ever get this screwed up.
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats family and friends well, and has a calm yet serious personality that complements my emotional personality, which flusters easily.
LOL! This is great. My mother has a huge portrait of herself breastfeeding me up in the living room of her house. I have no idea why, but she just thinks it’s the best. It was so awkward in high school and college. I remember one girl I brought home to meet the family very clearly. She was curious about which of us children that was in the picture. My mother explainer to her that it was me, and wasn’t I just adorable. This girl looked at my mom and then back at a mortified me and just said, “Well. Some things never change.”
Before I go any further, allow me to acknowledge a few things: unhappy and moody are not exactly the same. “Moody” sounds temporary, where “unhappy” is chronic. Then again, if your boyfriend consistently finds himself in a bad mood, I’m not sure how different it is from being unhappy. If it sounds like I’m familiar with the condition, it’s because, from 20-30 years old, I was always somewhere between unhappy/moody/anxious. I dated a LOT in that time and while there were many stretches where I could get by on charm, I could never mask my perpetual dissatisfaction with my career. Women would take a chance on me, but either I was a total downer or I was so unhappy that I’d choose an unsuitable woman just because she was there. Both are recipes for failed relationships.
I grew up in a home where the men have sharp wit, make puns, tell entertaining stories and speak fluent sarcasm. Life in general is addressed with a side of humor. I am drawn to people with this sense of humor, from friends and co-workers to strangers and customers. I love the challenge and excitement that witty banter provides me. I find it’s my way of connecting with people.
“I want out of my marriage and can’t figure out why I can’t just be happy with this great guy,” says Donna on How to Live With a Husband You Wish You Never Married. “My relationship is safe and comfortable; he’s my best friend. But at what point is he supposed to move beyond my best friend and be my partner? I’m not sure we’ve ever had that connection that seems so vital to me. He disagrees. It would almost be easier if I had tangible reasons for wanting to leave (abuse, anger, neglect). All I have is saying that I’m just unhappy even though he’s a great guy. He doesn’t take care of himself like I wish he would, but he’s still a good husband. I feel like such a failure because I can’t just be happy with what I have.”
This sounds just like everyone else, things were good, then changed to bad…He doesn’t cheat on me, or hang out with his friends too much – as a matter of fact he stays right here almost 24 hours a day. We have 3 kids, which is why I haven’t left to date. If we were to split up he would move back near his family which is 8 hours away – a little hard for my kids.
I love this. It’s hitting home for me now and like to hear how important it is to communicate concerns as a way to be there for your significant other. My boyfriend didn’t leave me, but was unhappy with my unhappiness. Had I known his feelings earlier, I would have changed. All the while I was unhappy, I didn’t realize it. Now my boyfriend seems to be in the position I was a few months ago. While I entertain the thought of leaving him, I’m now reminded by your response that I need to voice my concerns first!
I am sorry that is happening to you. As I read your story, I was compelled to tell you that you need to get out of that relationship. YOU deserve so much better and need to be treated with respect. Walk away. The first step is hard. You need to do this for you or you will be miserable… Trust me. Good luck in your decision but you do deserve a lot better.
Hello! My husband and I will be married 18 years in May. I can honestly say that I don’t know if our marriage has ever been ideal, or a good marriage. My husband will admit that he is a very selfish person, as I know many men/women will say this, he will also tell you he has addictive behaviors, no drugs or alcohol,but gambling, and video games are his addictions. Our marriage,to me and some who are around us, will say is based solely on what my husbands wants/needs are. I have never been the first priority in his life, in my opinion. Example: When I was pregnant with our eldest child, I was working 12 hour days. He was home for a couple of weeks because his back was injured,but was medicated and fully capable. I came home from work with feet swollen and exhausted, and I just wanted to soak my feet. I walk in the door, and he comes out of his “man Cave” and asks me what is for dinner. I got a can of soup out slammed it on the counter and said there you go, and went for a walk. No he didn’t come after me. I was so angry that when I went back in the house I went to bed. He holed himself in his video games then and is still to this day. There are so many other times/examples of basically the same thing. We aren’t, and really have never had a truly intimate relationship…to me it seems like a chore to him. He freely admits this. At one time, about 10 yrs. ago he told me he didn’t find me attractive anymore because I was to fat. (I have now lost 50 lbs. and weigh just slightly more than I did in high school which was 154, that truly has no bearing on the situation in my opinion) It is not for lack of trying on my part, I have gone so far as texting things to him. I have been pushed away, he says the kids are home I don’t want them hearing, and many other reasons. I have thought, is he cheating, and even most recently is he not interested at all. He is now overweight, takes high blood pressure meds, and says he has no self confidence. He is not an active participant/husband but rather to me, it seems like I have another child. I have to ask him to help around the house, while he plays his video games usually 5-6 hours a night(this is an every day,every year occurrence) He is depressed, gambled a lot of money away that we don’t have, lost his father, and in my opinion, he feels he lost his mother as well. His mother has been a mother who loves him, but didn’t raise him to be a man/husband. She did everything for him, I just took over when we married. At counseling I brought up that he smokes in the house when I leave when I have asked him not to. The counselor asked him why he does this, is it like “mom” says don’t do it, so you do it anyway? he said yes. He told her the children don’t listen to me, and she said you don’t listen to her so why should they. You don’t think they children listen to her, but actions speak louder than words. Our children our great children, have very busy lives, and our great students…but they will tell you that there mother is not happy and they don’t like it. When he gambled I am the one who found ways to pay the debt, not him. He owns the fact that he gambled but has done nothing to render the situation. I feel instead of playing games for 5-6 hours, he should get another job to pay for it. When I say I have a husband who is more like a 44 year old child I truly mean it. I do everything from paying the bills to deciding what to have for dinner. He tells me he loves me, and I don’t doubt it. I think his love for me is in a motherly way and not a wifely way. He says my expectations are to high for him. The counselor said to him, you are just a big kid aren’t you…laughing he said yes…she said I think you need to think about what I just said. Your wife wants a husband and a partner, to be a couple, not a 44 yr. old child. My expectations are this..Be my husband, my partner, my co parent, my friend, something other than what he is and has been for a very long time.
If he starts spending more time with his friends than earlier, it may be a sign that he`s is not happy with you anymore. Moreover, if he finds new and new excuses to avoid you and you rarely see him and talk to him, it’s a sure sign your relationship is over. Couples shouldn’t have secrets, because even the smallest lie can ruin any strong relationship.
It’s one thing to leave a downer partner you’re casually or seriously dating in order to take care of your own needs, but what happens when you meet and marry a happy person, start having a wonderful life and children together, and then your previously happy partner starts becoming moody/depressed? What if the depression is caused by a terminal illness or some other life-altering event? Do you get a divorce so you can take care of yourself?
Our relationship had really hid the skids once we got married and work for him took over. I tried to write him a letter to let him know how much his critically comments were hurting me and taking over my life and self esteem, he grabbed the letter and said, “I dont have time for your shit” I was really depressed at the time and drinking alot which he hated. Worst of all , he didnt really care that A: I was upset and B: I was no coping to look after our child. He told me one day he hated me so much he could punch me in the face. He has aggression and childhood issues, which i was always sympathetic for as well as my family. As our 2 year anniversary for our wedding came around which he didnt want to spend with me i decided to go away and it changed my life. I felt a sense of freedom and relief when i got home and ended my marriage. My child welcomed the fact, although only young sensed the tension. I have moved out but my husband will not let go and will do anything to keep us together. This has been a hard and abusive time. We had tried counselling in the past which I literally had to drag him too, since then he has vowed to change and do anything it takes to keep our family together. I am worried that illl fall into his charms. We have a ridiculous sex life even when we hate each other its full on passion, but thats not enough for the emotional hole i had when with him. Should we give full on counselling a go, or should i cut the ties and move onto a stable loving person???? INDIA
Me and my boyfriend have been going out fpr 4 years and he broke up with me because im to contolling because he has asked me for space in the past but i didnt give it to him because i was afraid.of loosing him and clingy. I love him alot and dont want to loose him but he tells me he doesnt want me to fight for him because its to late fot that! He stood me up and told.me he doesnt want to see me anymore and everything between us is over☹️ we haven't had "no" contact for the past week. I dont kmow how to get him back amd i definitly dont want to loose him because i love him& been through so much with him already :/
I guess ypu already know the answer. But you just want someone else to give you that little push. Darling, there is a whole world out there for you to explore. So many wonderful experiences are waiting for you. You have no time to be unhappy. If a person is not treating you right, let him go. It might feel difficult at first. But trust me, life is amazing without the toxic people in your life. And if he really cares about you, he will come back. And if he doesn’t come back be happy to be free from such a toxic relationship. Its a win win situation.
I have been married for five years, with my husband for twelve years. I’m not really sure if we should stay together or not. Last year I left him for three months then came back and now he says “he is just waiting for me to leave again”. We have been having the same fights for 12 years. They are- I don’t clean the house the way he thinks I should and I don’t have sex with him enough. I am not happy in our marriage but I feel like I’m stuck. We have a 10 year old and twin 3 years olds, I don’t have a job or a place to go. I have no friends and I can’t stay with my mom(she has her own issues). Everything inside me is screaming that in order for me to be happy I have to get away from this marriage, but I feel like I can’t. I’m scared that I will not be able to take care of my kids. I am also afraid that he won’t let me take the kids. He has never been physically abusive but recently when we start arguing he threatens that he will get violent with me, so now I’m scared of that too. I feel like I keep coming up with reasons not to leave. I know that it will be hard but how do you leave someone and keep your sanity at the same time?
Think about what your conversations are like. Can you talk to your boyfriend like he's your best friend? Do you share secrets, talk about your dreams, discuss the things that really make you sad, get into passionate discussions? If so, that's great! But if your conversations are boring and strictly about gossip, work, school, your parents or movies and there's no depth to them, that's not a good sign. You should connect to the person you're dating on a deeper level then just talking about what's going on in your lives.
First off I love CAPS myself but yours are too much. Use the caps lock in the other direction. With that said are there things going on that you did not speak of in your relationship? Is there sex and romance on a regular basis? Is their intimacy do you hug,cuddle,kiss,scratch and rub each others backs often? Is there physical intimacy and if not when did it stop? Was it ever there?
Why is it that in the beginning, we don’t get bothered that much about things that later in marriage drive as crazy? If you think it’s because back then you were unrealistically in love, then remember, how many times did you hear people who lost someone saying how they would give anything to be around things that once were so annoying to them. What is that telling you?
These exact thoughts went through my head too. Having been through a bad marriage, where my husband got angry, distant, and resentful any time we hit a rough patch – and as a young, low income family with two children, one with Aspergers and the other one with ADHD (both undiagnosed until they were 12), we had a lot of those – I completely agree. The only way to start a family is to start it with someone you can count on, who will support you and carry their weight, who won’t let you down or check out on you emotionally when things get hard. Otherwise you’d be doing a huge disservice to yourself, your future family, and your future children.
I have been married for almost 30 years. 11 years ago, my husband cheated on me. While we have tried to put things back together, I feel it has been a one way street. I know that since that he has not physically cheated, however I have found out that he has lied to me once again. He works very hard, and our lives right now are very stressful. I found out that he has been talking to a young woman for the last 3 months. She is an escort for a call girl service. He said that he knew talking to her was wrong, and has since stopped. He said it was a friend of one of his workers and she called on his cell because the worker’s cell was shut off. My husband swears to me that he wants to put all of this behind us and start all over. He says he feels differently now and wants to build a better future for us. He says that he promises to be the husband he should be. He went out of town on a business trip right after all of this happened. Yes, I know it is for work, because he stayed with a business partner and his wife who happen to be a friend. My husband is coming home tonight and I really am not sure if I should give him another chance. I have nowhere to go and no money to survive by myself. Any ideas?
I agree with Esther Perel on one thing: we do need to receive fulfillment from our daily lives, or else we end up unhappy. But the remedy isn't for us to go from person to person looking for the next high. There’s no way another human being can bring us complete happiness; they're just as flawed as we are! God intends for us to find fulfillment in living a life of intimate communion with Him.
If your boyfriend is trying to change the way you behave or the way you are in general that definitely means that he`s unhappy in your relationship. If you don`t feel like making any changes, let him know about it. If he gives an ultimatum, do you really want to be with such a person? Love yourself, respect yourself and don’t allow anyone, including your man, ruin your individuality. Discuss things both of you want to change and think about what each of you can do to improve your relationship without making a sacrifice.
My husband and I have been together for almost four years and I think he's pretty amazing. He works hard, he's thoughtful, and he's the absolute best at making me laugh when I'm feeling down. I'll admit, though, that I'm not always the best at reminding him of these things. I am, however, really good at reminding him of many other things — like how he forgot to take out the trash again, or that the way he loads the dishwasher isn't as efficient as the way I do it. I get it, and I'm trying my best to be less of a critic.