Take care of your children and then bring your husband in with you. Start showing him more attention; give him those surprise hugs, kisses, and gentle touches you used to do. Set up a babysitter after the kids are in bed and go out together. Give your husband that wife he used to have before she became a mom. You don’t have to stop being a mom – just turn and be your husband’s wife too.
I used to like having sex with him but I used to initiate it always. From last month I have lost complete interest in sex. I don’t enjoy it. My day starts with sadness and I even wake up in the middle of the night and I keep regreting my decision of marrying him. I am in a depressed state because I am losing interest in almost every aspect of life. I love kids but I don’t want them to be like him or like his family members. I don’t like his personality, his smile, his way of holding me. I don’t hate him but at the same time I have stopped loving him.
Married almost 11 years, the entire marriage has been rocky, in and out of counseling. Brady bunch family, married into her and her 16yo daughter with my 4yo daughter, had a daughter together. Was told early on I have no say with her daughter, daughter is grown now and married. Was told frequently I suck as a husband, father etc and was routinely threatened with divorce when I raised any issues over the years. I have often thought of leaving (escaping) but haven’t because I don’t want to hurt kids or then I have thoughts of did I try hard enough, do everything I can. Btw she was diagnosed before she met me with anxiety and depression. I am a neat and organized man raised by my mother and grandmother – only child – raised the old fashioned way – had a step father who was nice at times but more times than not was an ass to my mom. As for my marriage, the threat of divorce has been there for duration, also my wife has diagnosed me over the years with bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, narcissism, passive aggressive and several other ailments, all of which I’ve researched to understand if there was any evidence of that fact. I’ve sought the help of counselors to gain clarity, gone to church, in couples therapy right now using Gottman tools to help and nothing seems to help. When we argue she ends up winning or dominating the conversation, when conversation gets tough and she doesn’t like what she is hearing, she says I’m reaching my limit and then says we need a pause and will pick this up later, then it’s awkward silence and avoiding until we address it again or sometimes we just drop it. We spend much of our non working hours out pursuing personal interests and occasionally join up for kids sports events. She dominates the relationship with our daughter we had together, I’m pretty much cut out of parenting her and only allowed freedom of parenting of my daughter who is now 16. Obviously I’m looking for answers and trying to figure out what to do. I want to be happy and have peace in my life – I’m tired of chasing my tail around in circles. I’m a good honest caring man who loves and puts his family first. Cleans the house, folds laundry, cooks dinner, makes kids events, works 50 hours a week and trying to hang on to this marriage for self, wife, kids. Insight welcome.
According to Steve Harvey, the author of the popular novel Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, “A man’s love is expressed in three forms: he declares his rights for you in public, protects, and takes care of you.” However, a part of this saying can be doubted because, in our time, not all women need to be provided for or protected by men. What they definitely need is love. Unfortunately, sometimes women tend to see love when it’s not really there.
Further to suggesting some help, we may be called on, in some cases, to shoulder a little more of the load while our beloved gets themselves in order. If this is you, then realise that it’s for a short amount of time (hopefully) and that it’s all in service of the relationship's long-term happiness. And remember: they would do it for you, if the shoe were on the other foot.
We can't all have flat stomachs and perfectly applied makeup at all times. But, you can do simple things for him (and yourself) to show him your beauty. Sometimes marriages can put us in a rut, and we no longer think it's necessary to look nice for our spouse. Brush your teeth, take a shower, and leave the ratty sweatpants in the drawer. Do yoga when you can, wear your favorite little sundress, and flaunt what you have! Your husband will likely return the favor and make himself look amazing!
I have to agree with lonelywife. I was happily married up until the 8th year and I dont know what happened. Its like I woke up oneday and my marriage and life are in shambles. I was married prior to another man for 3 years – who abused me physically and mentally. I left him because CPS threated to take my son away if they got another call for domestic violence. Then I met my current husband – who was my knight in shining armor to save and protect me. He raised my son from my prior relatioship and we have had one together since then. Hes commited infidelity a few times to me (that I have rock solid proof of – there could be more that I dont know about). bUt i felt we could work throught it. Now.. I feel alone. I work 2 jobs, take the kids to school/daycare, pay all the bills etc. I go through my routine everyday and there is no time with my husband. He doesnt participate in anything. I am hopeless. I keep having dreams that I am hanging in the closet by shoe strings and my family keeps walking by me like Im not there. Its very sad. I am very sad and loney.
This suggestion sounds so simple but not so easy to obtain. As a husband and father of three, I find my happiness to be fleeting. My wife is exhausted and has little energy nor desire to care for any needs that I may have. I believe society places husbands in a codependent role which ties our happiness to our wives. I too, am loved and appreciated at work, but at home I am the lowest priority. I was taught to be a good husband you need to make sure your wife is happy, “happy wife, happy life.” Where is the… Read more »
I don’t think you were getting it. These men ( not all men) have something going on but they will not accept there is a problem. Take it from me I am going through it. They only think of themselves and are nice to you when they want something. They say things that make you feel you have done something wrong and everything is your fault. I really think they believe their own shut. It just comes out and to them it’s real. But for someone not to be interested in helping theirselves to make a difference in their lives is crazy. Yes there may be people who’s personally changes due to illness and that shouldn’t be ignored. But I would say. If that person doesn’t want to seek help after a while the partner won’t be able to cope no matter how understanding they are
"So Sheila, at work, is having this really awful thing with her ex," he says, a little too sympathetically. You nod, also sympathetically, because you know that Sheila has been having digestive problems and had to go gluten-free, and also that Sheila's aunt with whom she was really close died last month, and...hold on. Why do you know so much about Sheila At Work? An overly enthusiastic friendship with a so-called work wife may not translate to actual nookie in the actual conference room—after all, you don't mind him having female friends—but it could suggest that something is lacking from your relationship that he is looking for somewhere else. And he may not even know it himself. But when he seems to have more sympathy for the ongoing sagas of Sheila At Work than he does with your own various ordeals, that's more than being a concerned colleague. That's a "We need to talk" memo.
I have to agree with John — he brings up a good point. How did it take OP over a year to figure out that her boyfriend isn’t as funny as she’d like him to be? Why was unfunny okay for a year and is suddenly a deal-breaker now? Either way, like a few people said above, when in doubt, don’t. If, for whatever reason, OP is having doubts about her future with the guy, then maybe they don’t have a future. It’s just that, “he’s not funny” sounds like an excuse in this particular case.
As I’m sure you’ve heard before, relationships experience ups and downs and this is completely normal once you’ve been with a person for a long time. Realizing my husband is unhappy is never a good feeling but it can serve as a doorway to a happier and stronger marriage. Think about it, the moment you realize what’s making him unhappy, you learn about an element that you can bring into your marriage, or repair, that will make your bond stronger and in turn make both of you feel more fulfilled.
I don’t know where you live, but one thing that helps women no matter where they are is a strong support network. Talk to the women in your life: your sister, mom, friends, neighbors, or even your husband’s family members if they’re open to you. The best way to figure out if you should leave your marriage (or just your husband’s family) is by reaching out for support in person. You might be able to stay with a friend or family member while you figure out if you should leave your marriage.
This isn’t about divorce, and it’s not even about cheating. Not really. This is about understanding as a woman that while you are an important, main player in your marriage that the responsibility of your spouse’s happiness doesn’t rest solely on your shoulders. Only Jesus can heal hearts, and only He can fill an empty one. You can love your spouse, but you must also pray. And you don’t just pray for their relationship with you. You pray for their relationship with Him.
Wow. He cheated,not once but twice. We have been married it would have been 6 years 8/25. I do not know for sure what happened except that I went back to school, and could not give the 100% attention I always gave. I do get snappy when I cant meet his needs, he said this was part o it. But I have been a loving and dedicated wife partner for our entire relationship, I always was able to let him know when something bothered me. But he couldent come to me, he sought attention and help from anther, when she rejected him he ran to another to spite her, neither got hurt in the process, just me. He came back 3 times, and left just as fast. Now he asked for a devorce, in a letter, not even face to face. Coward. I deserved better
I was inspired to write this article by a reader’s comment. “My husband and I have been together since high school and got married 12 years ago,” said Jessie on How to Know if Your Husband Still Loves You. “We’ve always been comfortable together, but over the past couple years I’ve been getting the feeling he no longer wants to be with me. Our relationship is just one of convenience. All of the signs he doesn’t love me are there, and he says a lot of very very hurtful things to me. He tries to make me feel like a horrible person and he attacks the things I say and do. After he says all these mean things to me he wants me to act as though everything is alright. He says I need to smile and be happy etc. but I’m feeling like I could crawl up in a ball and die. Are these signs your marriage is over? I think so but it would help to get an outside opinion.”
Be a complete wife. A woman who parties, travels a lot, spends longer time outside her home, spends her weekends at work or on any other activity that takes her away from her home, leaving her family in the hands of friends, maids, neighbors, church members, nannies to take care of her home, is offering her husband up to another woman on a platter of gold. One of these helpers could win your husband's love and you will weep later. Do not unduly trust any woman. Do not give room for any woman to steal your husband from you by cooking his meals. Be the cook! You can't win the heart of your man if you can't win his stomach. If you want to stop your husband from having an affair you have no choice than to become a better cook and let your husband crave for your food always.
I am 33 and have been with my husband for 15 years, Married for 5 of those. We got together when i was 17 so i have never been in a relationship with anyone except him. our problems begun when i was pregnant for our daughter who is now 2 1/2. I was diagnosed with post natal depression when our daughter was 18 months old. He is a very strong willed man who i feel in an argument will not back down and i feel its me always me saying sorry even though sometimes its not my fault! I have not been at work since having our daughter so the pressure is on for him to provide, but makes me feel guilty when i spend money on shopping etc. He has ask that i write down what i spend. what money i do get goes into our joint account, it pains me not having my own wage coming in as i feel i have to justify all expenditure. I do not go out very often without my daughter and when i do after the event we end up arguing because he will bring the fact that ive been out. I got into debit a few years back and didn’t want to put extra pressure onto him, i asked my mum to loan me the money. To which i later confessed to. 6 years on he says he hates my Mum and will slag off my parents marriage (who have been married for 40 yrs) His parents have gone thru his dad being an alcoholic and domestic violence to which he was witness to as a child. He says real nasty things to me in the heat of the moment, which i can not forget. this is only the half of it. We spend more time arguing then not and any special moment is clouded by an argument. We go for days not talking after an argument. He says he hates the person i have become & feels since having our daughter i have put him on a shelf and will come back to him when i am ready. We argued the other day because i said that our daughter was the most important thing in my life not him! In every argument he says his leaving this has gone on for nearly 3 years now. I have fallen pregnant on the pill and abortion is not a option. I now feel we have maybe out grown each other & that to much hurt and upset has gone on to be able to repair things. we have had counseling but could not afford to keep it up. to you think that some time apart for us both to reflect on things could help. He says he loves me with all his heart but i have to change for things to work. I just feel so lost in what to do. I do not know if were are both hanging on for the wrong reasons (ie: our daughter) or if this relationship has just become a habit. please i would be grateful for any advice .
I can’t say it will last and I can’t say I am happy but she didn’t do anything and neither did I. Sometimes we get into a funk and it lasts a very long time. I know some people are incapable of giving us what we need even when we spell it out for them. They are unwilling,unable, or have some personal,religous,or family taught or untaught traits that damage a long term relationship.
My husband and I have known each other for 20 years, and been married for the past 8. We have two adorable children who we both cherish. Since having the kids though, 5 years ago, our marriage has become unbearable. My husband has been through serious issues which led to depression, and has to his own belief, now dealt with the issues. During the time of his issues, he had two incidents, at least that I know about, with other women, and over the past 8 years with his behaviour, my trust has been stripped away and I am left with no trust in him whatsoever. He now continues to tell me he wants the marriage and he is in love with me, but I find it hard to believe when after 2 years of trying to work things out, we are still no further along than when we hit rock bottom 2 years ago. He continues to be thoughtless, and my anger and emotions hit sky high every time he stuffs up. I know I should be forgiving, but I find it harder and harder these days. I have told him I hate him and that I want him out. I cannot ever see a loving future between us, and I hate the kids seeing me this way. Also our intimacy has completely gone out the window. We have not been intimate in almost 3 years. It’s so depressing. Although I want the marriage ended, I can’t help thinking “Would I be so angry and upset and emotional, if I no longer cared?” Any advice on whether I should give him a go for the thousandth time, or just cut my losses and run?
"I think it's very important for people to recognize that there are very few things that cannot be worked on in a relationship, and even repaired and resolved," Walfish says. (Think about how many couples can even work past cheating). But if a partner isn’t willing to work on improving your relationship, that’s a clear sign of trouble. After all, she says, "working on a relationship requires two willing participants. That means both partners have to be open to looking at their own stuff."