I don’t know where you live, but one thing that helps women no matter where they are is a strong support network. Talk to the women in your life: your sister, mom, friends, neighbors, or even your husband’s family members if they’re open to you. The best way to figure out if you should leave your marriage (or just your husband’s family) is by reaching out for support in person. You might be able to stay with a friend or family member while you figure out if you should leave your marriage.
Sometimes, we offer help in a way we think would feel helpful for us, when really, our partner might need something completely different. For example, offering to give your partner space to process their unhappiness might be the opposite of what they'd like; they may want company. The point here is to ask how they would like to be supported and to do that.
First of all, I would like to say he isn’t this way very often but when he is, it’s a little scary. Un-nerving. He becomes volatile very quickly. And you never know if he’s going to be that way when you open the door or his normal self. It’s exhausting. I can’t relax, I feel like I have to be on constant guard. He complains that we don’t have sex enough, that I don’t initiate it enough, that when he gets that way, all I have to do is take him to the bedroom. I thought at first that he was kidding. I think he is angry at me but he strikes out (harsh words) at the kids to me because he knows it gets to me.
Wow, a lot going on here. My sense is that your husband may be depressed (or at least dysthymic) and that a lot of his negative thinking flows from that. Or, if not depressed, significantly unhappy, as he says himself. There may be one thing, or just a few things, that have landed him there that he either hasn't acknowledged to you, or hasn't even acknowledged to himself. Resetting expectations is a powerful technique to enhance resilience and reduce suffering (I discuss it at length in my book, The Undefeated Mind), and can be done without it meaning that "the world has won." That he's had 6 jobs in the last 13 years and that you sense he's always been "searching for something and simply not finding it" suggests he may be trapped in what Buddhism calls the world of Hunger. At the heart of this state of life lies a belief that if only we could fulfill our desires (whatever they happen to be) we will find long-lasting happiness. But of course, no desire provides that, so such people find themselves trapped feeling continual dissatisfaction with life in general. If he hasn't tried therapy, I'd strongly suggest it. He may have reconciled himself to life of minimal enjoyment, but you clearly haven't. If he won't do it for himself, perhaps he will for you and your daughter. Good luck.
i am also going through the same, the man I have been with for 7 years going to 8 just left me and we just had a baby. he treats me so bad to an extent that I just see it as normal. when he is happy I should be happy but when he is unhappy he also wants me to be happy, he swears at me today and the next day he tells me he loves me. I know they say you should fight for what you believe in and fight 4 your man but after he just decided to leave me without no reason , I have just decided to stop believing and just focus on my own happiness, you can love someone so bad but sometimes love is not enough when it makes you miserable, love is supposed to make you happy.
There have been times that I have just cried while we were having sex because I felt cheap. It seemed like I felt guilty, almost like cheating on myself. I hope that makes sense. Then last night, I just felt nothing during sex. I can’t make myself get into it. I did that for awhile, I was able to make myself get into the physical part of it, but I can’t do the staring longingly thing anymore. I don’t feel it anymore.
This was so good for me to read. My now ex-boyfriend and I had just over two wonderful years together, and we really did think we were going to spend our lives together. We had discussed marriage and kids; we had real intimacy, warm companionship, trust and that nice, easygoing sense of partnership with one another. Then he began to get “moody” as he hit certain bumps in life — which escalated into a depression that went well beyond our relationship. Like Katie’s boyfriend, he isolated himself and pushed me and his friends and loved ones away. He stopped doing things that made him happier; he sort of just atrophied in his life. He said being with people and making plans felt like “a chore,” and that aspiring to hopes and dreams felt “futile.” And like Katie’s boyfriend, he thought his feelings and outlook were beyond his control, no matter how much we talked or discussed. That’s when I realized I had to walk, because ultimately I believe that taking responsibility for your own fulfillment and happiness is key to a successful life (and relationship!)

There are few things like knowing that the person you're with just wants to be with you. When you feel solid and reassured by the level of love and communication in your relationship. There's no worry or stress about getting ghosted or cheating and your only worry about your partner is whether or not they've noticed that you're actively building and expanding your wedding board on Pinterest.


I’ve been with my guy for a few years. His is my best friend, and I can honestly say I love him. Lately I haven’t felt happy. We are in a long distance relationship, and the last few times I got to see him I was not as excited as I was in the past. The thought of breaking up with him makes me feel sick sometimes, and the explaining to everyone would be exhausting. I look at my siblings and see how happy they are with their significant others. Sometimes I feel like I don’t look at my guy the way I see other couples look at each other.
Some couples consider the "D" word -- Divorce -- off limits. If you and your husband have never thrown the "D" word around in an argument, but your husband starts to use it more frequently now, this is symptomatic that he is unhappy in the marriage. The fact that he uses the "D" word could indicate that he has given the possibility of divorce some thought, so it is best to confront him on what he is thinking.
Cheer up Jan, this one is for sure! One day you are going to laugh about this!!! ;0) You are not a victim, you guys lost in translation. :0) If he gets sexual with you, then this is the minimum that he should come clean and tell you why all this weird behavior from a newly wed husband? It’s not fair, and you feel that. Do you feel that he is dishonest? If sex is so amazing what drives him out from your warm bed? All you can do to be honest to him from your heart, find the right time moment, you can’t force nature, after you think and feel you have tried everything and still he is not changing or responding to your wonderfulness, then you have to decide how healthy it is for you to stay in this relationship. If this doesn’t work for you, then why not close this chapter and start a new one with beautiful shiny white papers, you are the star! The story is in your head and in your heart …Imagine your perfect life and allow yourself to feel that amazing feeling, be there, feel it and you manifest it. Stop worrying, what do you have to loose? A not working relationship whatever should the outcome be. I wish you happiness. All the best.A

As I’m sure you’ve heard before, relationships experience ups and downs and this is completely normal once you’ve been with a person for a long time. Realizing my husband is unhappy is never a good feeling but it can serve as a doorway to a happier and stronger marriage. Think about it, the moment you realize what’s making him unhappy, you learn about an element that you can bring into your marriage, or repair, that will make your bond stronger and in turn make both of you feel more fulfilled.
I happened across this page by accident but I found it pretty interesting whe I read the complaints you have all made about your husbands or long term partners. I have to say, as a man, for several decades now the media has drilled into our heads that men are evil and women are their victims. I’m certainly not going to tell you that history clearly indicates women were under valued in our society; howeve, having said that, I must tell you some of what I have read could be quotes from movies or books telling the tragic stories of abused women. Some of you are simply looking for someone to give you permission to leave your marriage because you are tired if the marriage, not because your husband has or is doing anything wrong. It seems to me that women are becoming more bold in their pursuit of a “better life.” hoping to find the man who can fulfil all their dreams. You need to leave dreams where they belong! Dancing in your heads while you sleep. They have no real value In true life! Sorry but you aren’t fulfilling all of our dreams either but fortunately for men, the media is telling us we are the “bad” of relationships thus causing men to believe there is no reason to talk, complain or share no one cares what you, a man, thinks. Men talk amongst themselves and tgey are reinforcing to each other that idea is true. Women want their men to share, so they say, but want most of them really want is for men to listen to the woman and feel what she feels and make that their feelings so he can meet her needs. I’m not blaming women… I’m saying media sources are out to make a dollar and are going to make that dollar at the expense of our relationships. More and more women are finding themselves attracted to other women believing, again because it’s what’s being said, that only a woman could understand her. I securely predict in the next 20 years media will find a select type of woman who is the blame for those failed relationships and unsuspecting women will began to make Internet complaints about how they are trapped in their relationship with these women, who were initially suppose to be the answer. Men will began to recover from their own low esteem issues and in time society will circle and women will seek men as their answer again. The truth is quit listening to everyone who tells you you are being victimized and understand that all relationships have their troubles. If your man is truly treating you like garbage and without respect as an equal, get the hell out and never have a guilty feeling about it! He is responsible for his decisions too. Trust me I have as much to say to men as I have to you ladies. Your not stupid are drowning in self-pity… You are the victim if media. They spend millions every year to know how to get into our heads. We should all cut them off where it hurts! Start reading carefully selected materials and do away with the idiot box all together! But then thus is America, we thrive on entertainment just as did Rome before its collapse. America is cycling at a record speed. Truly folks I’m not ragging on you at all, I’m just hating that we are at the point that we would rather believe the lie rather than even hear the truth. I wish you all the best of wisdom and choices. Live a happy life but know happiness and perfection are two different animals such as a horse and a unicorn.
First of all, I would like to say he isn’t this way very often but when he is, it’s a little scary. Un-nerving. He becomes volatile very quickly. And you never know if he’s going to be that way when you open the door or his normal self. It’s exhausting. I can’t relax, I feel like I have to be on constant guard. He complains that we don’t have sex enough, that I don’t initiate it enough, that when he gets that way, all I have to do is take him to the bedroom. I thought at first that he was kidding. I think he is angry at me but he strikes out (harsh words) at the kids to me because he knows it gets to me.
When we had a big fight just this MArch, it was so hard to reconcile because of our situation. He was there and I am here. He doesn’t want to talk to me, or to my son. He doesn’t want to solve the problem! The situation stayed like that for almost a month. Without communication. Then he came home because he had an accident. I thought we would be make peace then. But he blamed the accident on me. He doesn’t want to connect with me anymore, though he said he would try. We had a big fight at home and he finally said that he doesn’t want to fight because the children will be affected. When I asked him if he still loves me, he said “I don’t know” and he was angry for making him answer that and he said he needed time. When his sick leave was over, he left again for work.
I’m so sorry to hear that you went/are going through this. Hopefully you’ve found some peace since you posted this. I am going through something very similar and it feels like someone just keeps punching me in the chest. I havent eaten or slept more than a few hours in nearly 6 days and I’m honestly amazed I’m still functioning at all. I loved this man with all of my heart. I stood by him through thick and thin, through an alcohol addiction and rehab and subsequent court issues for a DUI. He has been sober 5 years now so I feel like I contributed positively to his life. He made me feel more loved than I have ever been, and then suddenly last Wednesday he tells me hes done. There is nothing left, he doesnt love me anymore. How?? What did I do wrong? I never lied or cheated. I tried to show him appreciation for all the things he did for me. I kept house as best I could and formed close relationships with his family. How do you just suddenly unlove someone like that?? I am reeling at the loss and he is being quite cruel about me hurrying up and moving out, though I havent even found somewhere else to go yet. I feel like an ax came down and just severed us because I cant understand how he can just erase a 6 and a half year relationship like that. How can he just stop loving me? It is beyond my comprehension. To say I feel lost is an understatement.
Life does not revolve around one’s self. The pursuit of your own happiness could be selfish if you cannot confess to yourself that you, as a human, will never be perfect. Picking at petty likes and dislikes in a partner is silly and frankly your looking for reasons to be unhappy. Count your blessings, not your burdens. I love that my partner has her own likes, her own talents, her own music, her own routine. Because I fully support who she is, everything she is. And if one day she decides she no longer wants to be with me, all she has to do is be honest and tell me to my face. I would let her go. In the end arguing and pointing fingers is just smashing the whole idea of marriage anyway. In my opinion marriage is overrated. I would never want my parnter to feel like she is bound to me. Because we are born free and we die free. If someone cheated on you, its a favor. Live your life and move on. I would never cheat on my partner, hurt her, yell at her, make her feel insignificant, simply because I dont want to go out of my way to hurt the persons feelings I vowed my life to. I would take a bullet for her, and I wouldnt ever hold it against her if she wouldnt do the same for me. We are all individuals, who desire specific things, emotions, reactions. If my partner is being distant, depressed, sad, I gladly lift her chin and do what I can to make it better. Dont lie to yourselves, or your parnter. You know if the love is there. If its not, you will only cause pain to others because of your inability to face up. Nothing in a relationship is easy. Though nothing in life is easy. When the going gets tough in life do you end it? The bond two people can share in this life is amazing. I have had a tough road with my partner for our own reasons, but I gave up all my wants, all my needs to serve my partner when she needed me most. The outcome is a strong bond that no one can shake. I am writing this in hopes that maybe one person will read this and get something from it. I am far from perfect. But the first person I point fingers at when a problem arises is myself. Only when there are no skeletons in your own closet can you truly judge what a partner is right and wrong for doing.
One of the most important things to do here is to communicate with him. Invite him to share his feelings with you and be open to criticism. Remember, this is exactly what will help you to pinpoint what is needed right now. When communicating with your husband help him to feel at ease and know that he shouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you about these things. Show him you’re in tune with his emotions, and you’re there to do what’s in your power.
I’ve forgiven him. I brought dysfunction in to this marriage also (codependency). I spent over 13years trying to change him (there’s the codep. in me lol) He’s a product of his childhood as am I. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less and doesn’t mean we have to stay in the marriage. I’m no longer angry or hurt. Nor do I feel shame or guilt for how I feel towards him now. Mentally I’ve made peace with what’s happened. I taught him how to treat me and I enabled him. But there’s simply been too much damage. I have no desire to even think about liking him. I’m investing all my energy on my recovery and attempting to help my 12yr old son learn healthy ways to deal with his negative emotions. I’ve got a long way to go. I continue to tell myself “progress not perfection”

Peter I agree. Infidelity is a symptom and not a cause. Any good relationship is built on communication. For those guys out there who think that your wife’s complaints about “we don’t communicate” or “you don’t understand” are just traits of a woman, go home tonight and find out were the hell things went wrong – FAST. If she has given up on trying to communicate with you, this is your sign. Without communication, your marriage is a ticking time bomb – because every storm becomes more difficult to weather and when the big one hits, you won’t be able to put things back together. A lack of communication ultimately divides a couple and they seek out those who do communicate with and understand them. I cheated on my wife (via text) while she was really sick – I let my jealousy of her supportive friends blind me to everything which should have been important – like focusing on my wife. As a result, my wife fell in love with her supportive friend and is now on the way out the door. She is trying to give me a chance, but our communication was so poor that all I could do is hurt her more as I continued to fix all the wrong things. My family is gone. My life is over. I cannot forgive myself. I want to kill myself. Please don’t learn from my mistakes. Everyday I wake up, I search for reasons to stay alive, but I am running low on excuses – my current motivation is that I would feel like such a coward for not manning up to the consequences of the hurt I put her through and I cannot leave my son. She is all that I have known for the last 10 years. I love her soo much. I love my son soo much. She deserved soo much better. Please don’t learn from my mistakes.

I gave all i had. I revolved my entire life around him. I tried to fix him, so many bad things happened to him and i tried to be his rock, his strength. To show him that someone truly loved him. And he used how much i cared to take full advantage of me. And i felt him start to push me away. I knew after 3 years it was coming. He said he didnt want a relationship. Then said he was sorry and theres still hope. Then never said goodbye to me. Its been a week of nothing from him. I said goodbye over text in a moment of weakness, and he didnt even say goodbye. Just that hes been busy and loves me. Too busy to say goodbye to someone who loved him unconditionally for 3 years. But not too busy to be all over social media. To be laughing at my pain. To show just how little i meant and how little i effect his life. I cant remember how to even live and hes living as if i was never anything to him. Its honestly killing me. I spend 90% of my days crying and wishing i was gone. I have a perfect son, i have a lot to be thankful for, i know that. But i cant see through this. Nothing feels good. All i think about is him. All i want is him to care about me. But nothing can be fixed. We will never be together again. There isnt a world that exists where we end up together. Its like i know but i cant accept it. I have no one to talk to and im drowning.
Times he ignores his previous debt, and I take that very serious. I feel like I am raising a child sometimes. He said he feel awkward when going out and he has to observe his surroundings. I just don’t know what to do. I find my self looking for another outlet. Like going out and having good good convo with others. One time we were all drinking me and my friends and he aggressively choked me. I almost went to my exs house that night I was so upset. We made up but I felt that was because of liquor. I am trying to bring some passion back

Unlike the previous signs, this one is a bit more subtle, but if you find that your relationship has seemed to stall out, Salkin recommends taking a close look at why that may be. According to her, relationships should progress at a natural pace, going from usual romantic dates to slowly meeting friends and families and going on vacations together. She warns if this isn’t happening, “it's likely that someone is not happy in the relationship, which is preventing it from growing, and that person has some reason they are holding back from allowing it to grow.”


I stood in Romania For 8 months, then we mutually decided we shift to India, but she added she will come after 4 months…till I settle down. I reached India but my depratation keep on rising….one night I was talking to my wife and she made me feel she does not have time for me always…but want time for herself…I got too much angry and we fall in to fight….I could not control myself and asked her if you are not happy with me then take divorce and be happy and hang up the call. Next morning when I apologies to her but she listen nothing and asked for her space.
This one works best if you can think of no way that your own upbringing contributes to the current marital difficulties.  Men love to be the sole screwup in the relationship.  It really lights a fire under them to change.  If you want to be even more effective, compare him directly to whichever of his parents you find the most dysfunctional.  Even better if you know this is the parent with whom he has the most difficult relationship currently.  By tomorrow you should have a dozen roses and a poem.
Well I'm in a similar situation... I've been with my boyfriend since late 2009 (we recently celebrated our three year) but for the past couple of weeks we've been argueing like crazy. I do admit I am the type that can come off as needy or smothering, and I am trying my best to work on that issue as I know that it pushes him away over time. Recently it's become so bad that he's tried to end things with me on a couple of occasions because he is not happy with me. However we are now at a point where he thinks its best if we "take things slow" by maybe giving each other more space for a couple of weeks. He says he still wants to work things out between us. I don't know what to make of it. I'm not sure if he's being genuine about wanting things to work, or if he's just doing this so that he doesn't hurt my feelings. Any insight would be appreciated!
In the deepest moment of my despair I remember crying out to God, and in that moment He impressed a few things upon my heart. He told me that my husband wasn’t happy with his job, and he had sought another. He wasn’t happy with our friends, and had looked for new ones. He wasn’t happy with our home, and wanted a new house. It came down to the fact that he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t a happy person, and I was just one more thing he wished to change in his search for fulfillment. I honestly felt like God said, “it’s not you,” and I can’t explain the freedom and peace I felt at those words. It wasn’t me. 
I know that we are good together, I know that we both love each other deepy, but we are in a rut and I dont know how to get out of it. I want to be that fun, care free girl that he fell in love with and stop harping on the little things that he does wrong, but its so hard when I am hurting so much. I would just like some advice on ways that I can get us to be closer again, and eliminate the drama from our relationship. We enjoy each others personalityies and sense of humor. We are wildly attracted to each other. We are best friends, I just dont know how we got to this point and I am desperate to get out of it.
And just a word on sarcasm.  I discovered the rush of sarcasm in my teens.  I had a sharp, witty, sarcastic comeback for everything.  I have to say I was a bit full of myself in that area.  I thought being able to have a comeback for everything actually had value.  One day my sister told me that what I had said didn’t make her feel good, she asked me if I ever stopped to think about how those remarks affected other people.  I had never stopped to think about that, but I did then.  Sarcasm is “humor” with an ugly twist, tread lightly.

In my own experience, when I allowed my circumstances to dictate my joy, my family was destined to ride with me on the roller coaster of my emotions. I did not become a joyful wife and mom until I learned the importance of spending time in prayer and daily Bible study. In other words, I needed to look to God. I could not expect Steve to give me a life free from difficulty so I would be happy. I could not ask him to do for me what only God can do.


My husband and I dated for three years and have been married for a year and three months. Up until we got married I was excited and in love and everything was great, because I refused to acknowledge any of his flaws. He lived with his parents and never had to do chores, his room was always a mess, and he was very into his computer and video games. I was stupid and didn’t realize that all of these behaviors would continue when we got married, so since then I have basically been depressed and constantly upset about the dishes, the laundry, the dirty bathroom, the clutter… everything. I know it isn’t fair to ask him to change but I can’t live with the mess and with someone who is comfortable being so messy. I need it neater. I feel so guilty because I married him… and I’m supposed to stay by his side and be faithful, right? I feel so guilty for feeling like marriage was a mistake. He’s been with me for my entire adult life (started dating when I was 18, got married TOO SOON at 21, and it’s been hellish and touch-and-go ever since.
I understand where your at, Im in the same situation. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs now and we have a 1 year old. He tells me he doesnt want us anymore. I cant seem to let go nor move on. I keep on trying to make him love me because I dont want to lose the chance at having my kids miss out on a family. I cant seem to make him love me again. I do feel foolish because he doesnt feel any love for us, and thats not enought for me to get up and leave.
I think you need to figure out why you cheated on your husband, and why you feel so bad about yourself. And, your husband needs to figure out why he’s willing to stay married no matter what you do! Once you both gain some insight into your own persoanlities and choices, then you can focus on whether it’s time to end the relationship or save your marriage.
May you experience recovery, healing, peace and love in your relationship. May you find life in your marriage, sparks of love in your soul, and sprouts of health in your emotional, physical, and spiritual relationship with your husband. I pray that God revives your marriage and performs a miracle in your relationship with him. May you find practical, healthy ways to deal with these signs your marriage is over – and may they become a ghost of the past.

Due to the differences in the upbringing of boys and girls, we tend to see man as less emotional and sensitive. The truth is, they are not so different than us, they also need love, attention, and understanding, but since they were usually taught that they have to be tough, they might have some difficulties with expressing those needs. They have their own insecurities and wounds that need healing. Even though they’re usually much better at hiding such a things, we’re not the only ones who need approval and encouragement.
So I just recently found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend is freaking out over the situation, he keeps saying it's not a good time (It's never a good time to have a baby) and he doesn't want me to keep it. I've tried talking to him, but it usually turns into an argument. I haven't told my family I'm pregnant yet so I dont really have anyone else to vent to about this.
I think that the willingness to get help is the key here. I have been depressed several times in my life but as an introspective person who’d much rather be happy, I seek help when I need it and can get better pretty quick. Many people deal with depression for a myriad of reasons, all of them are capable of being loved and loving. However, if they are unable to care for themselves and get the help they need, they aren’t worth being in a relationship with.
Thanks to Prophet Abuvia because He is great. He has done so much for me. A few months ago my wife left me for another man. I was so depressed I was even admitted in hospital. Then for some reason I was searching for divorce lawyers and to my surprise I ended up on the prophet abuvia website (prophetabuviasolutiontemple. webs. com). I started reading his works and testimonies and I was so encouraged to fight for my marriage through his power and work. There were times were I lost hope,thinking of giving up but He reminds me to never lose hope. Isaiah 41:10. Today I can say my marriage has been restored. We happy and playing every day and she is happier than before. if you are having such or any kind of problem, you can also contact prophet abuvia on his email prophet.abuvia AT gmail DOT com
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Yep when I found out at 5 weeks I told my OH (other half) and he was not happy! I was on contraceptive pill but I know I missed a few on holiday etc and I had warned him. But still wasn't expecting to get pregnant (denial!). He blamed me and told me I had to get rid of it, I was devastated at how harsh he was as its totally out of character for him. Ignored me for a few days and then slowly started to accept that I was keeping it with or without him. He now regrets his behaviour so much , I'm nearly 16 weeks. He's totally inlove with the baby and treats me like an absolute princess. He is beyond excited and has even been dropping hints about an engagement at Christmas and has asked me to move in. Some people just take time xx
just tell him, be honest, if its something his doing than he can work on and you think you can be happy again well than tell him that...if its just you dont want to be with him at all tell him...its hard but people break up with there boyfriends and girlfriend every second or people get dumped every second thats part of life and thats part of dating, he will move on. dont be mean about it, dont make it harder for him than it already will be...but hey you never know maybe he feels the same way and it will be mutal and easy for both of you...
I totally agree, Brian. I think that “getting” the same kind of humor is very important — at least to me. I was watching The Big Lebowski (which I think is hilarious), but he didn’t think the movie was funny at all. He wasn’t into nuanced or satirical comedy. He liked the kind you get with canned laughter on sitcoms. Nothing wrong with that. It’s just that we weren’t on the same wavelength at all and it was a deal breaker for me because we were polar opposites when it came to our senses of humor.
And just a word on sarcasm.  I discovered the rush of sarcasm in my teens.  I had a sharp, witty, sarcastic comeback for everything.  I have to say I was a bit full of myself in that area.  I thought being able to have a comeback for everything actually had value.  One day my sister told me that what I had said didn’t make her feel good, she asked me if I ever stopped to think about how those remarks affected other people.  I had never stopped to think about that, but I did then.  Sarcasm is “humor” with an ugly twist, tread lightly.
The most effective way to help others become happier, then, very well may be by focusing on becoming happy ourselves. This may strike some as selfish, but we can easily imagine flowing readily from our own happiness a heightened ability to encourage, support, and inspire. One strategy we shouldn't adopt, no matter how tempting it may be, is to give our unhappy loved ones what they ask for automatically without carefully considering the consequences. What unhappy people want is so often not what they need that this knee-jerk approach must in the end be considered unwise at best. We may feel impelled to give them what they want by our own sense of urgency to pry them out of whatever unhappy box they're in. But this urge often rises from our discomfort, not theirs, and causes us to suspend our good judgment in favor of what seems expedient.
Im so confused. After 26 years of marriage I feel Im done! We have been through so much and Im not a saint. But Im tried of carrying all the responsibility and burdens of our life. He is medically disabled and not capable fo doing somethings but he uses it as an excuse to do hardly NOTHING!! I do all cleaning, planning, pay of the bills and making sure everything to done. Not to mention a have a full time job and a wonderful grandbaby! I have come to realize that Im doing anything very well and so frustrated with him and self destruction. His depression is deep partially because of disabilities. I have lost both of my parents because of self destruction. I cant watch another love one lose or take their life. so lost…..
Sharing duties is important in a relationship, but only working is not what makes a relationship a good one. If you are in a relationship with a man, it is essential that you not only share responsibility with him but also some pleasures. House, work, children - all this can be overwhelming for both of you, so find a moment to spend it together. You can go to the restaurant, watch a movie or play a board game. Allow yourself once to take a break from thinking about all around and to spend some time only with yourself.
Two things occurred to me while reading your story. One is that you have to remember that your husband is a man, not a little boy. You need to let go of the need to take care of him. He’s not your child, and he will deal with your leaving the best way he knows how. You can’t control how he’ll cope — and it’s not your job to make life as smooth as possible for him! Your job is to make the best decision for you and your marriage. And sometimes the best decisions are the most painful.
June 23, 2012 at 9:32 pm I know how you feel. I have been married almost 28yrs to my highschool sweatheart and just yesterday came to the end of my rope and told him to move out. He has changed so much over the past few months that i just could take anymore. Our daughter (27 and 19) and i have begged him to get help but he just won’t. He has lost almost 50 pounds (not in a healthy way), is buying hipster clothes, walks around in a daze and goes from jekyl to hyde in a flash. We can’t decide if he is having severe depression with mania or simply a midlife crisis. I’ve tried talking to him and it’s always the same “I don’t know” answer for everything. He does say he still loves me and is still in love with me but we don’t communicate at all. I told him I feel like I am married with a husband but am all alone and he said “but i’m here all the time”. Well his body is but he’s not and i told him so and again just silence with the hands in the air. He no longer states how miserable he is only that he doesn’t know anything (what he’s doing, what he wants, etc). So after months of trying and crying I’ve decided it’s up to him. One of our cat’s just died, my 80yr old mother has probable cancer again and I struggle with bipolar and diabetes (insulin pump) myself. Needless to say I have enough on my plate and I can honestly say I tried! During a six week therapy course we were told about co-dependent relationships. This may or may not apply, but you don’t go down on a sinking ship. Sometimes, In my case (since I see a therapist and take meds) it was a matter of saying to my husband “I’m riding the train to wellness, your welcome to come along, if not, have a nice life”.
I have been with my husband for 5 years now and just a couple months ago I found out he cheated on me with his coworker. When I confronted him about his infidelity he stated it was my fault for going through his phone and discovering that he has been cheating. Since then he distances himself from me and refuses to cut contact with her. When I ask him why won’t he stop talking to her he tells me he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I go out of my way to make things right again and he clearly doesn’t not even try but he says he still loves me and wants to be with me.
I see you are on this page frequently, so I thought I would ask you for help here. I wrote a lengthy comment on the page dealing with difficult parents, and I desperately need some help or advice. I don’t know what to do…it’s going to ruin my marriage and/or my life soon. Please read it and see if you can help me at all. I would greatly appreciate any insight you may have. I’m desperate!!!
If your formerly even-tempered partner has suddenly developed a short fuse, it’s time to take a hard look at the relationship. For one thing, venting their anger at you like this is not cool and needs to be addressed right away. But as for what it means within the relationship, life coach Kali Rogers told Bustle, "If you notice a shift in patience, that could be a sign your partner isn't happy with your compatibility,” adding, “Short fuses are common when people are unhappy in relationships, and [are] a way for your partner to get pent-up anger out."
So, my question is, where does that leave my daughter and me? I want more than anything for him to be happy and for us to be a happy family, but I worry about the fragility of my daughter's happiness if she is around a perpetually unhappy father. He has told me that she is calms him down...What is my best coarse of action to protect my daughter from unhappiness?
i am also going through the same, the man I have been with for 7 years going to 8 just left me and we just had a baby. he treats me so bad to an extent that I just see it as normal. when he is happy I should be happy but when he is unhappy he also wants me to be happy, he swears at me today and the next day he tells me he loves me. I know they say you should fight for what you believe in and fight 4 your man but after he just decided to leave me without no reason , I have just decided to stop believing and just focus on my own happiness, you can love someone so bad but sometimes love is not enough when it makes you miserable, love is supposed to make you happy.
What’s happened as a result has been brilliant. I started tuning much more actively into my husband — prioritizing him, touching him regularly (holding his hand, sitting very close to him, hugging him, rubbing his shoulders, etc), more actively praising and appreciating him, and — crucially — not letting my ego get the best of me and not letting my need to be right lead to Armageddon. As a result, I have managed to bring out the best in my husband.
But sometimes, things take a turn and all of that reassurance and security can go out the door. If something seems off, that's an issue. Your significant other is supposed to love you and make that clear with communication and action. You shouldn't be up at night wondering if your partner actually likes you or you wasted all of those highly-inspired pins on the wrong person.
My wife is 41 I’m 56. Been together 10 yrs married 9 yrs. It’s been 9 yrs of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse from her. To start, she has a complex about having small breasts. I have no problem with them. I’m not allowed to touch them, not even during sex, which now is down to once a month. Even then it’s a fight. We don’t ever “make love”. It’s just quick sex. If I try to initiate sex, it doesn’t happen. If i persist she becomes irate, obscene and it’s a big fight. I’m not allowed to caress or to kiss her. Sex is only when she initiates it. No passion or foreplay. I’ve been begging and pleading for years. We fight and argue all the time, even about simple things. The next morning she would be all cheery as if nothing happened and I of course would not be. I keep telling her she’s destroying our marriage. What complicates it is that at the beginning I put up $63K to purchase our home with a mortgage. We also have a 5 yr old son that lives with us. My first boy child. I have 4 grown girls. The abuse over the years has taken a toll and I”m ready to end the marriage. I just can’t take it anymore. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Multiply it by 10 steady years, month after month, week after week. EVERYDAY!!!

Hi i have been married now for 10 years I was married at 19 My husband and I have 2 great children but that seems like the only thing we have in common anymore. It seems like all we do is fight. I know I love him but not sure if it is a love of a spouse or more like a love of a brother. He works supports me and the girls he doesn’t cheat but has the most awful attitude anymore I don’t know if I want to leave or try and work it out sometimes I feel like i wish he would not come home for work Please help I am so confused


According to Cole, there are four behaviors that are super-destructive to relationships. If one or more is present in your relationship, you could be on the fast track to loveless-ness (if you're not there already). Every time you criticize your partner — by attacking, blaming, and putting the fault on them by flinging negative statements like "You're always running late," or "You never do anything right" — you corrode your connection. By being defensive and refusing to accept responsibility, or attacking in response to feedback from your partner, you chip away at the trust and goodwill in your marriage. If you have an attitude of contempt, and call your partner names or make stinging, sarcastic remarks, you imply that you're superior and your partner is defective. And every time you stonewall one another, or emotionally shut down instead of openly addressing the issues, you create more distance and dishonesty, rather than openness, communication, and love. If any (or all) of these sounds familiar, schedule couples' therapy to discuss why you do these things — and how you can fix them.
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