Thanks for the kind words… but I really don’t  think this is the issue I’m talking about. I’m talking about performing  “being a socially skilled person”, and how dependent this performance really is on external validation, and the decisions of others going your way. The fact is, we hold ourselves responsible for others’ feelings and reactions… something we really have no control over. Part of why we do this is surely the service industry: everyone in customer service gets the message early that customers’ negative feelings are always our fault. But we also have an overarching narrative about personal responsibility… Read more »
Have you ever been spoken down to? How does it feel? Not good, right? If you think you are the smartest person since Einstein, and insult your boyfriend’s intelligence on a regular basis, even if it’s in a playful way, it really won’t make him happy. Often that is just our ego barking, needing to validate itself as being so great, but it actually makes us look arrogant and isolates us from people.
Bring those things back or better yet, revamp them! If you liked doing something like having picnics, set aside a weekend for yourselves where you could go camping or rent out a little cabin. It can be just the two of you, in nature, and you can have fun rediscovering each other. You could also just set aside one evening every week as Date Night and do your best to think of something fun and a little different for each time!
My situation is not exactly same as yours. But my boyfriend tends to be moody or changes mood within the day. In one instance, we’re chatting in Facebook, i was telling we got free food at work at that day and he’ll just send me a thumbs up emoticon. Normally when I tell him something about FOOD it he would say ” delicious”. We’ve had our relationship for 3 months now. That is not the only the instance of his mood swings. He would suddenly be cold to me. I would ask him ” is there a problem?” he would answer NO. Sometimes it made me think whats wrong? Did i say something stupid? Suddenly out of nowhere he would tell me I Love You. He admits that he is moody. He has bad temper at times but not to the point of hurting me. He would normally raise his voice when he doesn’t want things go the right way. I mean I can feel he really loves me but sometimes it pisses me off when he is like that. What I’m doing is just letting his bad mood passed. I’m just ignoring it. I just let his mood normalize.
The last thing that men define as the cause of their misery in a relationship is the impact of a career on a private life. Contemporary women beside the job, have many other responsibilities, which sometimes is too much for them. Men in the modern partnership also have new tasks and not always are able to perform all duties properly. This causes frustration, which is either unloaded at work or at home. But remember, you cannot put your emotions on others because of your problems.
If you want to stop your husband from having an affair, you need to learn how to make him think of you always. This means you need to look for new ways to keep the passion and romance burning like wild fire. Make him to desire you always even when he is at work. Make him to even want you around him during lunch break and every time he is less busy.
Evan, this is very timely for me!  I wrote about the bf with undiagnosed Aspergers.  The relationship became pure hell.  I was the only one trying to work around his disorder, and the drama and depression that comes with it, he refused to acknowledge he even had it, and when I tried to talk to his family about it they got mad at me!  Everyone wanted me to just accept him as he is, because that is the way “God made him and God loves him”.  I have three things to say about that:  1) I am not God, I am a person with my own needs, desires, and issues 2) I was getting completely worn out trying to tap dance around the disorder and I was starting to feel like I was going nuts myself, and 3)  God helps those who help themselves.  I am not saying he is not worthy of God’s love or my love.  I am saying, he is not worth sacrificing MY LIFE and MY HAPPINESS for. 

It is important to address your unhappiness as soon as possible, according to licensed clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr., in the article "When Should You Tell Your Spouse, 'We Have a Problem,'" on the website, Marriage Builders. "Don't let your problems build up before you find solutions," he says. Easily resolvable issues can become major problems if you hide your feelings for too long. Although it is important to get your general message to your husband, before you talk to him think about what, specifically, is making you unhappy. For instance, if your husband expects you to be a stay-at-home mom but you would like to work, tell him. Using specifics will give you and your husband an idea of what steps to take to make you feel more satisfied.


When we were supposed to marry for life – life expectancy was only till about 40 or 50. Now we have extended our life expectancy till our 80s at least but no-one has reviewed the wedding vows, lol. We are still expected to live with the same perosn although we have DOUBLED our life span! Crazy! We are all entitled to a second chance now for our ‘second half’ of life – for all our sakes! xx

3. You’re overvaluing a specific type of humor. In your words, “I love the challenge and excitement that witty banter provides me.” Marriage isn’t about challenge and excitement. It’s about kindness, comfort and selflessness. If your boyfriend has these qualities, you may want to learn to appreciate him instead of constantly lamenting that he doesn’t do stand-up on the side. When you said your exes have “never been the “life of the party,” making me “double over in laughter,” I could probably intimate that it’s a good thing. Life of the party guys may be charismatic, but they are often narcissistic, players, liars and inauthentic. Not all of them. But guys who command attention often don’t leave much air for everyone else to breathe.
This is just a good standard practice in a relationship, and it’s great for nudging a loved one out of a slump. It involves really seeing them, the contributions they make, and highlighting them. If your partner works long hours and then takes on a lot of the work at home in the evenings so that you can pursue your passions, acknowledge them for that. If they’re giving of their time and patience with your family, let them know you notice that.
Even if your boyfriend sometimes talks badly about his mother, it doesn’t give you the right to say anything bad about her. If you don’t want to insult him, you’ll make sure you don’t cross the line with this. Instinctive feelings come up when anyone insults our mothers, and it’s not worth ruining a relationship just by saying a few cheap lines about her. Keep those feelings to yourself and you’ll keep him happy.
A couple weeks back my boyfriend of 4 years dumped me because he was so unhappy. I didn’t notice any differences in behavior. If anything he was doing the same sorts of things he always did. And was loving and sweet to me! But he’d switch between saying “unhappy with us” and “I’m unhappy with myself” for the reasoning to end it. We had some issues and less than pleasant times but I feel that’s any couple. I think real love is being understanding and supportive of each other and what the other needs, how each other is. A mature relationship and people in general should be able to talk if there are certain feelings. He’d let his feelings of unhappiness remain without openly talking much, and also push them aside actually. Because he’d tell me he’d act or “force” himself to do things couples do. And that’s not right either. People need to be able to speak of things and how they really feel. But that does take two people! If a man is set on his unhappiness and wanting to be alone or with out you, despite what you could ever offer him, it’s not you.
If you're connected and intimate with your partner, you’re going to notice when something is off-track. There is always a caring way to address this: Without being defensive or combative, say, “I’ve noticed you seem a little off. What’s happening for you?” Showing concern and stating what you see happening may be just the thing to get whatever is causing the unhappiness out into the open. You’re basically creating a safe environment for your partner to share.
During that time I suspected many times that he was also seeing other women. I found snippits of evidence and I almost left him a few times but he always had an explanation for what I’d found and swore he was telling the truth. He would even get angry that I would accuse him. I told myself that even if there was no proof, next time there was even a whisper of something dodgy I would leave. Everything seemed ok for a couple of years so we got married. I thought I would be more secure with him once we got married, and then we had a baby and I started to feel even more like things were going right … until that familiar feeling that something was wrong returned … followed by a new secret password on his computer and a constantly locked shed. I KNEW something was wrong but I couldn’t find any evidence. When I demanded him to unlock the shed or remove the password he got furious and said that I was in the wrong to snoop. I remembered my vow to myself but now I had a son to think about.
What if your husband is an alcoholic and lies to you about it every chance he gets? He makes you feel like you are stupid for thinking he’s been drinking again? He is mean and belittling to everyone in the house? Puts everyone’s lives in danger by lying and drink driving? He doesn’t respect or value your opinion even when sober and treats you like one of the children? Or, what if you have considered suicide as a way to get away from him? Are those signs your marriage is over?
Im 22 years old and have a pne month old baby boy. After moving in with my now husband, I found out he was cheating on me with a co-worker even before I was pregnant. When I confronted him hr first denied it until I showed him proof. I love him very much. His son and me need him. I dont want my child to not grow up without his dad. If it was just me I would of left. But im thinking about what is best for my son. After we talked about it we said we would try to make it work. I thought he would stop but I catch him lying to me and getting out to go see her. I went through his phone and saw that he tells her he loves her and hates having to leave each other. She tells him that she hates knowing that he comes home to me. I love him but I feel so hurt about everything especially after the fat that we have a son now. We had made so many plans that im am soo confused and not sure of his feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me. He says that the fire in our relationship is not there or the love like when we meet 2years ago. I dont know what to do or how to make our relationship work. How do I bring tjat intimacy back into our relationship. Im not talking about sex but emotionally.
Yes ill admit after begging and pleading over the last 16 months I know I resent him now! He and I are good looking people we are in our late 20s and I truly am falling out of love with him now. He has been the love of my life for 8 years and he can’t stand the act of making love to me. BTW there is no way he is cheating on me. He says he wants to work on things but he hasn’t tried, then he says I should be trying too. Is that not what I had been doing for over 2 years!!! It’s like he feels it coming to an end but he is brainwashing himself to believe its my fault we don’t have sex

Craving alone time is natural. Just like women, men often want to spend a day alone. You probably also crave some me time so there’s nothing wrong with that. If your guy is an introvert than there’s nothing to worry about at all. Introverts need plenty of alone time to recharge themselves. However, if he craves more alone time, he’s either depressed or unhappy with you.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year, we don’t live together in the same place, we are in a long distance relationship. I don’t think my boyfriend wants me anymore. At first we used to meet every week, we were happy in love but now that love is gone he doesn’t want me to visit him. He is digging in my past n other people tells him lies about me especially male people, if I call him he is not answering my calls and if I don’t call him its a problem. My boyfriend accuses me of have an affair when he’s not around (which is not true). So I wonder if my boyfriend want to breakup with me or what because now its a long time since we saw each other again.Advice me please.

We all have our ways of dealing with stress, and for some of us, we play video games, some of us go hiking with our friends and some of us drink a lot of coffee. As long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else, let him work things out on his own, and just be a supportive friend. You’re more likely to receive the same treatment when you go through changes too.
You describe a difficult situation. I don't think anyone can CONTROL their emotions but I'm convinced they can INFLUENCE them (by which I mean work to make them more positive—but not by simply deciding to make them more positive). All human beings have executive functions that can, most of the time, mute the effect of negative emotions on behavior (e.g., we can get angry but choose not to yell or hit).
Expressing the feelings from the masculine point of view is an arduous task for many. In most cases, they do not know how to do it and therefore they are afraid to say what they actually feel in their hearts. We can summarize that the emotional mind of men works very differently than in women, so we have to be aware of this fact all the time since he may be dying inside and we may not realize it.

While kids and their needs often present a sort of urgency, what they really need is a mom filled with God’s wisdom and joy. Take this advice from an older woman: The season during which your kids need you will be over before you know it. Your husband, by contrast, needs you for a lifetime. Devote yourself to becoming a happy wife, and you will build a marriage both you and your husband will enjoy for the rest of your lives.
But you did none of those things that my ex did. You tried. You talked to your boyfriend. You discussed these issues with him. You say you tried to get him to seek out help. I would’ve been so thankful if my ex had treated me like you treated yours. And I would’ve probably responded with positive changes. The fact that your ex didn’t, means you did the right thing by walking out. There’s only so much you can do to help your partner heal when they are not cooperating in any way. I wish you quick recovery and complete healing in getting through this post-breakup stage, which is indeed very hard.
I dated my wife for two years, prior to marriage. Been married for 8 years now. We have 1 beautiful daughter, and bought a house in the city she has always wanted to live in. I have provided, supported and never asked anything of her that wasnt unreasonable. We have never had any problems till recently. I just got out of a job, that has supported us for nearly 8 years, and have had a two month slump in work. But I am now back on my feet, providing, supporting, and not once did we get behind. She got stressed and found support, and eventually started an emotional relationship with another man. Long story short, I gave her an ultimatium, end it or I leave. She ended it, but claims she has nobody to talk to, wont look at me, talk to me, and cant be in the same room as me. She is now bashing me to close friends, and blowing things way out of proportion. I am lost, confused, and still in love with her. But I cant live like this. She refuses any counseling, and says to leave her alone, but doesnt want to leave. I need help.
In all fairness I have an anger problem too so this is not all his fault. Plus I know I can be really mean especially when reminded of my past so I am by no means innocent in this fiasco marriage. What steps should hubby and I take to improve our marriage? I really do love him but I want my needs to get met as well. My mom even said that the way she sees our relationship is that everything is always about him. He is the type of person that when I say I’m feeling bad he says me too but I feel worse than you. I was throwing up in the bathroom and he was amused and ignored me. I also had a bad flu and he told me to go make pizzas. There is so much more but this post has been long enough. He has good qualities too so what should I do? Sorry for the long post and thanks. Oh and he is a lot older than me if that helps.

Sometimes,Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with her again. all thanks goes to Dr. EDIONWE, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how Dr. EDIONWE could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: edionwesolutiontemple@gmail.com. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live.


It is important to address your unhappiness as soon as possible, according to licensed clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr., in the article "When Should You Tell Your Spouse, 'We Have a Problem,'" on the website, Marriage Builders. "Don't let your problems build up before you find solutions," he says. Easily resolvable issues can become major problems if you hide your feelings for too long. Although it is important to get your general message to your husband, before you talk to him think about what, specifically, is making you unhappy. For instance, if your husband expects you to be a stay-at-home mom but you would like to work, tell him. Using specifics will give you and your husband an idea of what steps to take to make you feel more satisfied.
I find it funny that people say they want someone with a sense of humor.  I think almost everyone has a sense of humor it’s just not the SAME sense of humor.  People with similar ways of viewing the world are, in my opinion, going to have a similar sense of humor.  There are things that I say that my sister finds hilarious that others would not, but we share common background and how we see life, relationships, love, God, etc. are very similar. So being able to take those views and twist them in a way that we both find funny is very easy.  

Well I'm in a similar situation... I've been with my boyfriend since late 2009 (we recently celebrated our three year) but for the past couple of weeks we've been argueing like crazy. I do admit I am the type that can come off as needy or smothering, and I am trying my best to work on that issue as I know that it pushes him away over time. Recently it's become so bad that he's tried to end things with me on a couple of occasions because he is not happy with me. However we are now at a point where he thinks its best if we "take things slow" by maybe giving each other more space for a couple of weeks. He says he still wants to work things out between us. I don't know what to make of it. I'm not sure if he's being genuine about wanting things to work, or if he's just doing this so that he doesn't hurt my feelings. Any insight would be appreciated!

four men came up on that porch expecting my husband to back down instead all four left on gurnys into the back of ambulances, my husband paced around for all of one minute after eliminating those men and looked like a caged tiger until the front door and frame landed on me ten minutes later his father slapped him for his attitude and was himself laid on the ground at a metro officers feet.
For a loving man, the requests and wishes of his beloved (not friends or distant relatives) will always take first place. In fact, men like to help women — this gives them the opportunity to demonstrate how cool, strong, and responsible they are. Of course, there are situations when a man cannot help, for example, he does not know how to repair a faucet, but he certainly should not leave you alone to deal with this problem — he will call the plumber, instead. However, if the most innocent request, like asking for help changing a lightbulb, is perceived with annoyance and as just “yet another unbearable task,” the relationship is worth reconsidering. Is it possible that your man is helping some other woman and with greater enthusiasm?

Im not married but this suits my relationship of two years perfectly. Of course, finding this out in marriage is so much more difficult. Thank you. This writing eases my pain and makes me feel better about the situation. After he admitted to me he was angry Monday through Friday and wasn’t where he saw himself at 30 years of age, it was then I finally realized that no amount of talking, crying, and trying was going to make him love me back the way I love him. Everything made sense once he said that to me. I recently started my nursing career and I’m happy. I have hard days for sure but I come home feeling like I made a difference for someone that day. I feel fulfilled. I have a great family who is always there for me and I have most of the things I want. I dreamt about our future together and I found myself working my life around his but he just wasn’t on the same page. I told him during our final breakup that I knew he wasn’t happy at work but that I prayed for him everyday and will continue praying and he responded with “I’m not religious.” It hurt my heart that he didn’t see how much I care about him, how much I want to be on his team, and help him get through any struggle. I was his biggest fan. 🙁 But there’s nothing I can do about it and I see that now. It’s not me.

Reading all in an effort to know how to talk to an adult daughter. She said she was diagnosed with chronic low grade depression. Sometimes it is hard to be around her. She finds slights where there are none. One of her brothers said he does't know how to act around her, that it is like walking on eggshells. She throws a lot of "nasties" at me; thinks it is ok to criticize me in front of others, etc. Mostly, I have not responded but since I low my youngest son, her behavior overwhelms me. Lately, it has gotten to the "straw that broke the camel's back". I would like to sit her down and tell her how this affects me but am concerned how that would in turn affect her. We all hurt since I lost my son. He was a loving, affectionate, kind person; it is as we lost the sunshine coming into a room. Saying that because I think that is affecting my former tolerance. Any good advise out there? Thanks.
I just got married a second time five years ago to the same person . But I really thought he loves me but I have to beg for sex, I dont get anything on my birthday, christmas, valentine, or any other holiday. He lies all the time and plays video games all day and tonight if doesnt have to work. I am just a problem , I ask him is there problem but no answer but no. I feel like a doll, smile I feel hurt and abused . maybe one day someone will love me for who I am. I am run down and cant take to much more . I just what a life!!!

i am also going through the same, the man I have been with for 7 years going to 8 just left me and we just had a baby. he treats me so bad to an extent that I just see it as normal. when he is happy I should be happy but when he is unhappy he also wants me to be happy, he swears at me today and the next day he tells me he loves me. I know they say you should fight for what you believe in and fight 4 your man but after he just decided to leave me without no reason , I have just decided to stop believing and just focus on my own happiness, you can love someone so bad but sometimes love is not enough when it makes you miserable, love is supposed to make you happy.


Remember when you and your husband first starting dating? You were the carefree woman who laughed and flirted? Life's stress can really take a toll on a relationship, and sometimes we forget to laugh. Flirt with your husband. Tell stupid jokes. Reminisce about funny things that happened. Life can't always be fun and games, but let it be sometimes. Keep the humor going between the two of you and keep things funny and fun.
Close to 20 years of marriage this Nov. Afraid to let go and start over. Discovered text messages last year and uncovered his infidelity. He swears no physical relations, but I don’t believe him.Trust is gone, no romance. He likes to go out to dinner, but I find he only wants to go in our geographic area. We use to go to all parts of town for years. Keeps family info limited and now his friends as well. I feel I’m totally isolated from his world. Comes home every night, but we’re like room mates co-existing. Nothing in common. I feel I want to take my daughter and start a new life. I’m realizing that I think he’s preparing to leave me. He told me this weekend that I deserve to be happy and be with someone who enjoys what I like (church, museums,music, dancing).My life was raising the kids, caregiver for parent who passed away, working/going to school nights. Now Kids are 20 and 13. He’s not physically abusive gets moody, nasty attitude/comments and terrorizes the dog. Sneaks alcohol in beverages every evening. Light bulb has come on and I believe he too is unhappy. He’s comlacent and stinnnngy, I believe he would rather suffer than pay child support.

The other problem I'm currently having is trying to get my husband to explore what exactly is making him unhappy. I asked him to try to write things down or email them to me when they come to mind so that we can work on them. He replied that he told me all of that when he told me he was unhappy in the first place. I was listening to him then, but I was also in a little bit of shock, and can't remember everything he said. any suggestions on how to oppen him up to actively working out why he is unhappy?
7. Don’t talk behind his back: All couples are bound to encounter some difficult times, but airing your dirty laundry is usually a bad idea (unless your partner is abusive or doing something illegal or dangerous, in which case you should definitely seek the help of a third party). If you have run-of-the-mill relationship drama, ranting to your friends and family will often make things worse. Remember, just because you can forgive your man, it doesn’t mean they can. If you plan on working past it, keep it to yourself.

When we had a big fight just this MArch, it was so hard to reconcile because of our situation. He was there and I am here. He doesn’t want to talk to me, or to my son. He doesn’t want to solve the problem! The situation stayed like that for almost a month. Without communication. Then he came home because he had an accident. I thought we would be make peace then. But he blamed the accident on me. He doesn’t want to connect with me anymore, though he said he would try. We had a big fight at home and he finally said that he doesn’t want to fight because the children will be affected. When I asked him if he still loves me, he said “I don’t know” and he was angry for making him answer that and he said he needed time. When his sick leave was over, he left again for work.


It’s popular among Christian literature for women to discuss the types of wives we should be, and the actions we should take to help ensure a happy husband who doesn’t stray. I can get along with that to some extent. I’ll admit that I shave my legs every day, and that I dress nice and put on makeup more for my spouse than I do myself. I mean, it makes me feel good, but it also makes me feel good to look appealing for him. 
While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, it doesn't mean that if you or your spouse is currently unhappy, the marriage is doomed. "If someone is unhappy, it is a great wake up call and a chance to create a new marriage by investigating the old," explained Hope. "If you learn to embrace pain and conflict as a spiritual push for greater potential, then you won't freak out in times of madness and conflict."
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